Saying Goodbye
by Simbarose2

Webmaster note: This story is the continuation The Death of a Hidden Love. It is suggested that you read that story before this one.

Joxer awoke suddenly as if from a terrible nightmare only to realize that the previous days events that took away the love of his life away forever were all too real.

The horror Joxer had witnessed would haunt him until the day he died unless he could avenge the senseless death of his true love...Gabrielle. He could not shake the guilt he carried off his mind much less his soul...it was as if he was being punished by the gods for not protecting Gabrielle, the one thing he treasured most.

Joxer wanted to leave Corinth right away and hunt down Callisto but knew he had to wait for Xena to return--it was his responsibility to tell Xena that her best friend was dead...dead because of him. Joxer also knew that they needed to take her body to the Amazon nation so they could honor their queen with a funeral fire. The sun was just starting to peek out from beyond the distant mountains on the horizon when he saw Xena galloping slowly towards the village stables atop Argo. Joxer was unsure how Xena would react to his devastating news---he knew Gabrielle and Xena shared a close sisterhood bond that he could never fully understand. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he walked out of the shadows of the tavern from where he was hiding and went to confront Xena face to face.

Xena was galloping slowly as she approached Corinth and slowly brought Argo to a slow trot as they entered the small village. She was still unsure of what exactly was going on since she found out there was no impending attack and no warlord.

"I'll figure this all out soon enough....I just want to meet up with Gabrielle and get a good meal at that tavern," said Xena to herself as she led Argo into the stables that was just adjacent to the tavern.

Joxer saw Xena exit the stables and head towards the tavern doors when he came out of hiding and said, "Hello Xena", in an emotionless tone.

"Hello Joxer," said Xena knowing where Joxer was Gabrielle couldn't be far behind - she was the only one who knew of his true feelings for Gabrielle and also knew that was the reason he followed them whenever possible.

Xena looked Joxer up and down not recognizing him at first...gone was his pasta strainer hat and homemade armor replaced with a cream undershirt and a brown vest. Joxer tried to hold back his tears as he prepared to tell Xena that her best friend was dead...dead because of him.

Xena then noticed that he was carrying Gabrielle's fighting staff and had her bag of scrolls slung over his shoulder as she felt a piercing pain rip through her very heart and soul. Time seemed to stand still for what felt like an eternity as Xena grabbed Joxer by the shoulders and looked at him with fear in her eyes.

"Where's Gabrielle?" demanded Xena knowing she never went anywhere without her staff or bag of scrolls. Although she knew the answer she refused to think that way.

Joxer looked into Xena's eyes and said the only thing he could. "Xena...Gabrielle is dead...," spoke Joxer in a tearful voice as he tried to hold his tears back. She just looked back at Joxer trying to calculate what her friend had just told her noticing that the goofy smile and the light in his eyes was gone replaced by darkness. Joxer just stood there expecting any moment for Xena to kill him....but opened his eyes slowly only to see a single tear fall from Xena's eyes as she closed them and thought of Gabrielle. Joxer took Xena's hands into his own as he began to tell her about the fateful day that took their friend away forever.

After he had told Xena the story of how Callisto had left Gabrielle for dead he slowly raised his head. "It’s my fault Xena and I don't blame you for hating me...," said Joxer in a tearful voice that reflected his pain and anguish over his loss.

Xena slowly opened her eyes to look at Joxer for the first time since he had delivered this fateful news. She took Joxer's hands into her own and attempted to comfort her friend as she spoke in a soft tone.

"Joxer, in your heart you know it was not your fault, Gabrielle's blood is not on your hands or soul but on Callisto’s," explained Xena as she brought him close to her. "You stood up to Callisto even though you were afraid--you did this out of love and because of that I could never hate you my friend," softly spoke Xena as she wrapped her arm around his trembling body. "Please don't torture yourself like this Joxer....that's not what Gabrielle would want...that's not what I want," said Xena as she held Joxer. He glanced at her as he spoke.

"Thank you Xena," he said as he silently vowed to become a fierce warrior and exact his revenge on the goddess Callisto.

"After Gabrielle died in my arms I brought her body here and just returned to the tavern to await your return," cried Joxer as he led Xena to a clearing that was so densely covered by foliage no one would ever find it. Xena knelt down next to Gabrielle's lifeless body that was now covered in a dense brown fur and pulled it back to reveal her still form. Xena was still in shock hoping that any moment she would see Gabrielle's bare midriff rise and fall silently indicating that there was still life inside her body, but knew it would never happen. Anger came across Xena's face as she looked up to the early night sky---her shrill voice piercing the damp night air.

"Gabrielle!!" cried Xena towards the heavens trying to understand why she was spared death after all her horrible misdeeds and Gabrielle was not. Joxer put his hand on Xena's shoulder trying to console his friend and wanting nothing more to avenge his love's death.

"It helps me to know Gabrielle didn't die alone. Thank you for staying with her Joxer. I will always be grateful of your love for Gabrielle and your kindness to me," said Xena as she kissed Gabrielle goodbye and covered her friend with the dense fur. She slowly stood up from her kneeling position and looked to Joxer who had not stopped crying but was trying his hardest not to show that he was hurting.

"First we will head towards the Amazon nation so they can honor Gabrielle with a funeral fire and to pass on her crown to Ephiny," explained Xena as she looked back to see a single tear fall from Joxer's face. Xena knew the pain that Joxer was experiencing...she herself had gone through it more times than she cared to remember. The soft reddish orange glow of the fire Joxer had made for the night only made him realize how much he was already missing Gabrielle...he would miss how her hair shone under the midday sun....how her bright personality could always cheer him up even when he was in pain....but would miss her soft touch the most.

Xena tried to reassure her heartbroken friend as he stared blankly into the fire but she knew he had to work through the pain himself hoping he would never venture down her path of destruction. As Xena put her hand on his shoulder she was suddenly reminded of something Gabrielle had said when she had to reclaim her body.

"Joxer," spoke Xena in a soft tone, "Gabrielle once told me that there are two kinds of tears....tears for those who leave you and tears for those who never let go."

Joxer glanced over to Xena as a faint smile crossed his face, "That's my Gabby," sobbed Joxer. Xena knew he needed her friendship now more than ever to overcome his anguish. Sitting across from Xena Joxer just sat there and stared blankly into the dying light of the campfire. Xena stood up and sat next to Joxer putting her arms around his cold body.

"I’m here for you....let out your pain...let it all out. "Joxer explained to her that he felt responsible for Gabrielle's death as he continued to cry on Xena's shoulder as they laid back and fell asleep thinking of all the wonderful memories they had shared with Gabrielle.

Xena awoke the next morning without Joxer at her side...she was alone and only then did she proceed to cry over her friend's death.

Joxer had gotten up shortly before dawn and decided he needed to be alone to collect his thoughts before he and Xena headed to the Amazon nation. Joxer looked up slowly to the morning sky and was instantly reminded of Gabrielle’s beautiful eyes. "Everything I look at reminds me of her," Joxer said aloud to himself unaware that Xena was not far off.

"I know what I have to do Gabrielle...your murder will be avenged...I promise you that Callisto will die by my hand," yelled Joxer as he unsheathed his sword and held it above his head. Xena heard everything Joxer had said and knew she had to stop him from enacting his revenge. She rushed back to the campsite as she heard Joxer approaching. Xena knew she had to remind Joxer revenge only spawns further evil and hatred and Gabrielle would never want that. He walked back into the campsite as Xena was finishing loading everything onto Argo...including Gabrielle.

"Where have you been Joxer?" demanded Xena not meaning to sound so agressive. He didn't bother to answer her as he picked up Gabrielle's staff and bag of scrolls...the only tangible reminders of his true love that left him so suddenly.

"If we leave now we now we should reach the Amazon nation by nightfall," said Xena to Joxer but he wasn't listening all his thoughts focused on revenge. Xena and Joxer had been walking most of the day and neither of them had exchanged a word.

"There it is Joxer," said Xena as she pointed to a grouping of straw huts in the near distance. Xena and Joxer walked towards the village slowly knowing their unexpected visit would be filled with pain, anger and anguish.

As they walked into the village where Ephiny made her home, Xena knew she had to do something to stop Joxer from falling into darkness. Ever since Gabrielle's death two days ago Joxer seemed different...he was not the man she had grown to love and care for and that frightened her. The bright light that shone in his eyes was gone and his very soul seemed to have transformed into a deserted wasteland with no chance of recovery. Xena wanted to tell Joxer that she knew of his intentions to kill Callisto, but was afraid that he would mistake her compassion for betrayal and that was the last thing Xena wanted.

"Xena," said Joxer breaking the silence, "I feel it's my responsibility to go to Potadeia and tell her family."

Xena stopped and looked to Joxer as she spoke.

"I admire your courage my friend, but I think that it would be best for you to mourn your loss for now...I will leave for Potadeia in the morning," said Xena as she turned and walked into the village slightly ahead of Joxer. He simply nodded in agreement his heart too heavy to argue.

The evening sun was just starting to set when Xena reached the outskirts of the Amazon nation with Joxer only a few feet behind her. Ephiny, who was acting queen while Gabrielle was away, spotted Xena and ran over to her anxious to catch up with her and Gabrielle.

"Xena," yelled Ephiny as she approached her friend wearing the mask of the queen above her head.

"Hello Ephiny," spoke Xena in a tone unusual for her.

"What’s wrong?" asked Ephiny realizing by Gabrielle's absence and Xena's expression something was not right. She looked over Xena's shoulder and spotted Joxer entering the nation carrying Gabrielle's fighting staff in his hands. Her eyes quickly shifted back to Xena as she felt a sinking feeling that her friends visit was not one of pleasure...but of pain.

Xena’s eyes teared up as she prepared to speak the same words Joxer had said to her only a day before.

"Gabrielle is dead," spoke Xena in a similar tone Joxer had the day before, as Ephiny fell to her knees in disbelief.

Xena bent down with Ephiny trying to console her friend with her touch, but Ephiny just pulled away trying to understand how such a loving person as Gabrielle was dead. Joxer was right behind Xena now and felt his body go numb when he saw Ephiny looking at him...it was a look of hatred and blame. Joxer knew he needed to tell Ephiny how he had failed to protect Gabrielle...it was his first step in saying goodbye.

She came to grips of what Joxer had just told her just moments ago and her look of hatred changed into one of forgiveness.

"Joxer," Ephiny started, "You stood up against all odds trying to protect Gabrielle and for your bravery I could never hate or blame you for her death." Joxer simply shook his head as he still didn't understand why he was being forgiven and slowly walked away towards the pile of wood in the center of the village awaiting Gabrielle's funeral to begin.

It was about two hours later when Gabrielle's body was set atop the pyre and set ablaze as her spirit was released into the heavens above. Xena sang the song of sadness just as she had done for Perdicus and her son Solan.

Joxer knelt down and only said a silent prayer, "Gabrielle, I know you can hear me and I also know you are now safe from all danger and heartache. I, Joxer, will not rest until Callisto has died by my hands. My love for you will never fade...goodbye my love...my Gabrielle".

The fire slowly died as the night went on but Joxer never left her side....he refused to leave until the final ember had extinguished. As the last embers finally faded Joxer arose slowly and a single tear ran down his cheek as he silently left the village only saying goodbye to Xena with a mental thought. Joxer wanted to find Callisto right away but knew he would need help--help from Ares...the god of war.

To be concluded in part three...A Warrior's Journey.

This is my original story and my first attempt at writing Xena fan fiction. This is an original idea of mine and I hope you have enjoyed reading it. I would appreciate any comments you have on this story. Please e-mail me at Simbarose2@aol.com.

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