Some of our most dedicated, loyal, way over the edge patients are the "Webbies"
that we house in our Top Secret Wing. They love their spook and are very deeply
attached to him. So it was no surprise to us when The Asylum was overcrowded with
Webbies during the month of February. (1999) The reason? A TV Guide spoiler that
announced that Clayton Webb had been murdered! This sent Webbies into a frenzy!
They cried, screamed & made threats. The Asylum's staff organized special therapy
groups, counseling sessions and attempted to convince patients that everything
would be fine.
The patients pleas for Webb's survival came from everywhere in various forms:
“Oh My God! It better BETTER not be true!!! The episode would
be a total cryfest!! I for one, would have to stay at the Webb
wing in the Asylum PERMANENTLY!"
“Breathe... Breathe..... Breathe...... ok.. YES my first reaction
was a scream... a loud one !!!!! Ok, so my hands are trembling... I
read the spoiler.. No It can’t be true! It's bad enough we don’t
get enough of Clay on the show! But this?? Please don’t kill
Webb!”
"Worried about the mailman?? HA! They haven't seen the
Webbies!!!! Going postal is NOTHING compared to going WEBBIE!!!
“My gosh, hearing the news about this episode is making my
obsession of Webb WORSE!!!!"
What?! Me dead?!
There were patients crying on the hallways, banging their heads on the padded room walls
and a chant of "Webb is not dead, Webb is not dead" could be heard until the early morning
hours. One of our professional Webbies came up with a "prescription' to deal with the
episode where supposedly Webb would die.. we don't know if it really helped, but this is what
we prescribed for all Webbies:
Prescription for "Webb of Lies'
By Professional Webbie Carol P.
1. Join the Webbfans mailing list for a support group.
2. Read as much Webb fan-fic as possible.
3. Chant "He's not going to die, he's not going to die" over and over.
4. Go to the doctor and get Valium to take while watching the
episode and Prozac for afterward.
5. Have everyone leave the house while the show is on, so they
won't hear you shout at the television.(or make noise and
distract you!)
6. Keep all items (remote control, drinking glasses, ashtrays,
etc.) that could become projectiles, out of reach.
7. Take the phone off the hook.
8. During commercials, practice slow breathing exercises and
check your blood pressure.
9. In case of total breakdown, have 911 programmed into the
speed dial of your phone.
10. After the show is over, check yourself into the Asylum for
group therapy.
As the days went by, slowly, Webbies got more nervous, more
desperate... and signs of their condition became evident as it
was posted on their mailing list. The signs? Here they are:
1. They began to rewatch the previews for "Webb of Lies" in hopes
of finding out new information about Webb. We found them
sitting in the TV room staring into the TV as they paused the
scenes over and over again.
2. They continously checked their e-mail hoping that
someone would announce, 'officially' that Webb was not dead.
3. Their first words in the morning were: "Webb of Lies."
4. The last words they said before goign to bed were: "Webb of
Lies"
5. They became addicted to anything on the CBS network. Why?
They had to watch the JAG commercial every time it aired.
6. They spent endless hours on the phone calling the local CBS
affiliate to ask them to run the commercial again and again...
7. They all wore black clothes.... and veils over their faces.
