Dana's Letters
By Roseh20
"So what are you going to do this weekend, Scully?" Mulder asked his partner while they were both getting ready to leave his office. Scully heard his question but was in no mood to answer it. It had been a very hard week for her, Mulder had led them both on another one of his wild goose chases with evil, which lead to absolutely nothing and a hell of a lot of paper work. She was tired, cranky, and in no mood for anything that had to do with any kind of activity, least to say she was glad it was Friday.
"Scully, you OK?" Mulder asked a little worried of his partners silence, this time she looked up at him, she was wondering about something, it was his fault that she felt like this, his fault that in the past three days she had had very little sleep. Yet, she did not feel any anger towards him, only the respect (and love) that she had always felt for him. She decided she had better answer his question before he started getting really worried.
"I think I am going to sleep all weekend," Scully told him "I am to tired to do much of anything else". Mulder was feeling really guilty, he knew it was his fault that Scully felt so terrible and he hated it when she felt terrible. "How about I make it up to you?" He asked without even thinking of what he was asking. Scully was shocked, what could he mean by that? "What are you up to Mulder? " She asked playfully. "How about I take you to dinner? On me." Scully felt a deep hole in the pit of her stomach; did Mulder just ask her out on a date? No, he must just wanted to take her to dinner as a friend would. She was flattered at his question and could not refuse his dark blue eyes "Only if it's on you" She replied. "Fine then, pick you up tomorrow around 6:00" Mulder said getting up from his desk and walking over to the door.
Scully unlocked her apartment and no longer had she been in the house, did her shoes and coat come off of her and onto her floor, she was not a messy person but with the way she felt she really did not care. She sat down on her couch and started taking off her nylons when she heard a small noise at the door. When she looked up she saw a letter at the foot of the door; someone must have slid it under.
She stood up quickly and walked to the door, she picked up the letter and was surprised at its information. "DANA" was all that it had written on it, no return address, not even her address. She opened the door to see if she could catch who brought it to her but the hallway was empty. With her curiosity at a high she walked back over to her couch and opened the letter:
DANA,
The red that falls off of the walls
The pain you feel towards yourself
The hurt you hate the feelings you despise
This is my anger
The tears you bleed for days gone by
The hard touch of an angry man
The sudden feeling of death surrounding you
This is my anger
The questions that you never answered
The truth that you never told
The dark black sky clouding in on you
This is my anger
This is my anger, which you so happily placed on me
My feelings are because of your faults
My pain lies inside you
But you won't let me go you won't let me live
Why is it so hard for you to see?
This anger that has taken me over
It is ruining me, and invading my soul
Your selfishness has won me over
You have given nothing but death to me
So I in turn will give nothing but death
To you
Dana just sat there for a moment, paralyzed with fear by this letter, this poem. She started to breathe heavily she was scared. Questions ran through her head, Who wrote this? What does it mean? What do I do now? One thought came to her mind, in only a split second of thinking she picked up the phone to the one man who could help her, Mulder.
Scully dialed his number in only a few seconds and soon she heard him on the other end, the sound of his voice, helped her calm down. "Mulder" Scully started her voice shaky and scared. "Scully…. What's wrong?" He knew something was wrong that she was hurt or something worse. "I need you to come over here, please" Scully was crying now, she was more frighten then she had ever been before in her life, and she could not understand why. "What's wrong?" a concerned Mulder asked again. "Please Mulder, Please come here now, Please" She was begging him now, she was not one to beg, "I am on my way Scully, just calm down" and with those words he hung up the phone. A deep feeling of loneliness clouded Scully, without Mulder on the other end of the line, she was alone, all alone, no connection to him in any way, she would have to wait until he got there, and she was not sure if she could do that, she needed him, at that moment. She wanted him to hold her in his arms and protect her from this man behind the poem. She sat there by her phone, in a tight ball, paralyzed with fear and she waited for her partner.
Mulder was now just as scared as Scully was, only he had no clue why, it only took him a few minuets to drive to her house and even less time to get up to her apartment. He forgot about knocking and burst into the door, nearly breaking it. He looked around the house for Scully and was surprised to see her on the couch huddled in a small ball, rocking back and froth. A tight fear grew in his stomach, a million thoughts of what might have happened to Scully invaded his mind, and he did not like the possibilities of what he thought.
"Oh my god, Scully" He said in a low voice almost running over to her. She was in the worst state he had ever seen her in. Her eyes were red, and her cheeks were soaked with tears.
"Scully, what happened?" Mulder asked, afraid to hear her answer. She looked at him, relieved that he was finally there. The time it took for him to reach her was the worst time she had spent in her life. She wanted to burst out and tell him everything, but she was so scared, she could not even speck. She passed him the note that was still clutched in her small hand, and put her head into her hands as Mulder read the words that had caused her state.
Mulder read the words and a huge feeling of anger invaded his mind, who could do this to Scully, who would do this to my Scully. He took her in his arms, she was still crying, he was almost surprised of how much this was affecting her. Scully was a strong person she had lived though many horrible and terrifying things, and still through it all she managed to stay sane and somewhat happy, and then to have something so small something so harmless as a poem strike a fear in her like nothing else, he knew this had to go deeper, that whoever sent this to Scully must had known her at some point, maybe Scully knew this as well and that is why she was so scared.
Mulder decided to just hold Scully, he would not bother her with his questions at that moment, He just sat there on his knees, while Scully still siting on the couch so gratefully took his embrace. She was crying hard now, the soft tears from her red eyes were falling on Mulder's shoulder. "Shh, Scully, it will be OK, Shh" Mulder told her, trying to comfort. His words did comfort her, she stopped crying and closed her eyes, taking in that moment, she almost forget about the poem and why he was there, She just sat there, hugging him and feeling warm and safe in his arms, she did not want that to stop she felt like she was in a dream and she did not want to come out into reality.
They stayed like that for a long time, until Mulder finally broke the silence and Scully's dream. He pulled away from her, just a little and took one of her hands in his, "Scully are you OK?" He asked. "I… I don't know" She answered him, very reluctantly. "Do you have any idea of who might have wrote this?" Scully thought back through her life, she was trying to think of something or someone that might have been able to have done this, but her mind came up blank.
"No, Mulder…I…I don't think So." She was weak; it was like the strength had been pulled out of her. Mulder was angry, angrier then he had ever been he wanted to find the monster that had done this to his friend, he wanted to find him and rip his heart out. "Don't worry Scully" Mulder started. "I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise" and with those words he got up onto the couch with Scully, he pulled her body onto his so that her head could rest on her chest. "Get some sleep," he told her. As he began to stroke her head. She closed her eyes, she had a overwhelming feeling of warmth and security, she knew that she would be safe with Mulder and it was that thought alone, that helped her fall asleep.
Dana was running through a house, it was familiar but seemed so distant, she screamed but it seemed like no one was listening or no one was there to hear. "NOOO" She yelled in sprite of her fear, "Leave me alone! Go away! Please don't!" She was horrified at this figure chasing her through this endless maze, he was saying something but she could not make out the words. She had to try and keep running even though every step sent pain through her whole body. She looked back, he was gaining on her, "No someone help me please!" Dana muttered under hard breathing but it was too late the figured that had sent so much fear into her had caught her "No!" She screamed this time tears running down her face, every drop burning into her soul. Then she saw a familiar face which sent hope throughout her, behind this evil man that had now pinned her on the ground, was Mulder "Dana" he said in a low voice. "Dana, wake up!"
Scully opened her eyes to see not the dark shadow of a man but to see Mulder, even though she knew she was safe she let out a scream to almost mock the one she had in her dream. Mulder took her in his arms much like he did the night before; she had lost herself on his strong chest. "It's OK Scully! You were having a nightmare, but it's OK, it wasn't real" Mulder told her, even though he said the words he was not sure if Scully really took them in. He thought to himself about what could do this to her? She was a strong person, what could have happened to her to make her feel this way? "Scully, I want to ask you something, and I really need you to do this for me and for yourself"
Scully heard his words and wanted to speck back to him but she was so shaken from her nightmare, all she could see was the dark figure gaining on her. "Scully, I believe who ever is doing this, knows you from somewhere, I don't know why you don't remember I think whatever this is you have blocked out of your mind, I want you to go through hypnosis, look back into your past and see if you can remember anything that can help us find this maniac".
Scully was more scared now then ever, she knew she would have to do this but she did not want to remember, if just this poem strike such a terrible fear in her, then whatever she forget so long ago, she wanted it to stay forgotten. But she looked in Mulder's eyes and saw the pain and anger this was even causing him. She was half flattered and half guilty of the pain in his eyes, she did not want him to feel this way because of her, even if it wasn't really her fault, she knew she had to do it, for Mulder if not herself "OK Mulder, I do it"
Scully looked at the halls that she was walking down, the walls seem to be so small, so narrow. They reminded her of a prison. That is what this was to her, a prison taking her back to a horrible forgotten nightmare. She had done this before, hypnosis. She hated it; there was no science in it, no logic. The mere fact that people could be taken to there own dark and forgotten memories in there minds with just words was very unsettling to her, But dispirit her feeling she knew she had to get the answer, even if the question sent a fear into her like she had never experienced before.
"Hello Dana, my name is Rachel Lablac, I am the hypnosis here." Dana looked at Mulder, which was right beside her. "Mulder." She said very distant, very low. He knew she did not want to be there, she would have been happy to be anywhere else, but not there, it was not the actual act of hypnosis that scared her so much, but what she would find out during it. Rachel gestured for them to come into her office, "Dana if you could just sit right here and try to get as comfortable as you can" That was a hard thing for her to do, she sat down but there was no chance she was going to get comfortable or for that matter that she would calm down. She looked at Mulder who was now sitting beside her, this remind her of another time that they had to do this and Mulder sat beside her, she was embarrassed then that he had to see her like that, with her guard down, just like she was embarrassed now.
She thought about that morning, the warmth she felt when she was laying on Mulder, the security, the love, she did not want it to end, but Mulder did wake up and pulled her out of her little dream world of him. He had wasted no time calling about the hypnosis session, he took care of everything for her, and she loved that about him.
"All right Dana, are you ready to start?" Rachel asked her while she set up a small tape recorder on the table. "Yes" Dana answered in a small weak voice, she wasn't ready she never would be. "I want you to close your eyes and breath deeper, deeper, deeper…" Scully did what she was told, she was always surprised about how fast this worked and how easy "I want you to go back Dana, back into your life, I am going to read the first part of this poem to try and tiger your memory, just relax and concentrate."
Rachel began to read, her voice was soft it did not suit the hate and pain that this poem needed. "The red that falls off of the walls…The pain you feel towards yourself…The hurt you hate the feelings you despise…This is my anger"
Dana's face went blank; she started breathing hard, she was going back into her life further and further.
The poem had triggered something, something painful,
finally the flashes of memories stop and she found herself in her old house. "NO! STOP!" She screamed. It startled Mulder and Rachel, "All right, calm down Dana, you will feel no fear, and no pain, tell me where you are" Rachel tired to calm her but she was still scared to death. "I am in. am in my old house" "How old are you?" Rachel asked "I'm 17, but I'm not alone here, there is someone here with me" Dana was moving around on her chair, Mulder took her hand much like he had done before. "There is a man, a dangerous man, in the house, he… he wants to hurt me, he wants to kill me, Oh god!"
Rachel could tell she was scared, "Dana you have to calm down, just tell me what is going on, who is this man?" "His name is David Cushnan, he's crazy, he broke into my house, I am hiding in the closet, but he…he is coming up the stairs, Oh god don't let him find me!" tears were welding up is her eyes, as she said exactly what she saw in her mind "Shh Dana, it's OK you will feel no fear" Rachel said trying to reassure her. "Be quiet," Dana said "He's in the room, you have to be quiet" She was in tears now, "NO!" She screamed again. "He opened the closet! He can see me! He has a knife! Someone help me!"
She was crying even more now. "Dana, what is happening?" "I have to get away, so I pushed him with all the strength I had, he fell to the floor and I started running out of the room, he got up quickly and started chasing me, he's saying something." Rachel was queries "What was he saying Dana, concentrate on his voice, his words" Scully was shaken up more then she had ever been, "The red that falls off the walls, this is my anger, this is my anger, this is my anger, he kept saying that, over and over, Oh no!
He catching up, I'm tired I can't run any more, he's got me!" She was breathing even faster now, her chest going up and down violently. "He hit me over the head, I fell to the floor, he's on me now, with the knife pointed at my chest! He's gonna kill me! No, I won't let him. I grabbed the knife with every ounce of strength I had left and I turned it on him, and I pushed it in his stomach"
She was crying even harder now, shaking all over "Blood started coming out of his month, he was still alive but barley and with all the strength he had left he hit me over the head, I think as his last chance to kill me, but it didn't work I just blacked out but he said something before I fell asleep he said he'd be back" Mulder was sitting there, blown away with everything he had just heard, he pictured the scene Scully had describe and felt tears in his eyes. "Dana" Rachel said, "What happen when you woke up?" Dana stopped crying, "I'm in the hospital, but I don't know why, I don't remember anything, my mom and dad are here" "What did they tell you?" Rachel asked "they said I fell and hit my head, they…. They lied to me, I'm tired, I'm so tired, I have to sleep, I have to rest." Dana was drained of her energy from the whole session, which did not help because she did not have a lot of energy going into it.
"All right, Dana I want you to wake up now, but I don't want you to feel angry or hurt, OK" "All right" Dana said, her voice tired and small. She opened her eyes, and looked around the room, she looked at Mulder, who was almost crying now himself, "I want to go see my mother" Scully said, surprising herself as much as she surprised Mulder "I think we can get more information from her" Scully was trying to hide what had just happened, she did not want to hear Mulder say anything about it, she was hurt and angry at her mother, she needed to talk to her. Mulder just nodded, he felt everything just as much as Scully did, every ounce, seeing her like that just killed him, and knowing that something so horrible happened to her, it was one of the hardest things he could do not to brake out crying.
The car ride to Scully's mothers house was even more strange for Dana then the actual hypnosis session, it was also more terrifying, she was about to learn a lost memory, she was about to face her mother and ask her why she felt she had to lie to her. She also now needed to talk to Mulder, she knew that Mulder felt the pain just as much as she did and that he needed to know the answers now, if not more then Scully.
She felt empty as she pulled the car in the drive and made a quick yet swift motion to get, Mulder did the same. She did not bother knocking, she opened the door, not giving any warning to the unsuspecting mother, she gave one last uncertain look to Mulder, and then with a courage like never before she yelled for her mother "Dana, is that you? Oh Dana, what are you doing here?" Her mother said cheerfully, happy to see her daughter.
"Who is David Cushnan?"
(Written by Roseh20)
"Dana, who are you talking about?"
Mrs. Scully said glancing at Mulder with a worried look on her face.
"You know who I'm talking about." Scully said a little harsh.
"Dana, sweaty, you have to understand he was a bad person who hurt all of us..."
"Who is he!?" Scully interrupted.
"Okay, he was... a family friend...we had no idea he was...a...rapist. "All the color drained from Scullys face and she collapsed...
(Written by Jocelyn Brant)