Fun Stuff

This section of the page contains some rather crude material. If you don't think that you would want to view this, then you should go back to either Tatooine or Corellia. I didn't make up any of these, I only think that they're kinda funny. DON'T BLAME ME! Okay?

SEUSS TREK

Picard:
Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So Data, please, how far? How far?
Data:
Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?
Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge:
But sir, the engines are offline!
Picard:
Offline? But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!
Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!
Picard:
But surely we must not be late!
Troi:
I'm sensing anger and great ire.
Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Riker:
Not me.
Worf:
Not me.
Picard:
Computer, how long til we die?
Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...
Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet --
Data:
Which (by the way) is made of granite...
Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
Geordi:
There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.
Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him, "Why?"
Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say we give him problems dental.
Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us
. They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!
Picard:
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my fazer set on stun.
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly.
I hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.
Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!
Crusher:
Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.
Picard:
Then make it so!

Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars Characters would kick butt in the Star Trek Universe 1.In the Star Wars Universe, weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun".
2.The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp -- the Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookiee.
3.After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable -- after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
4.One word: Lightsabers.
5.Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg collective with one glance.
6.The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class M or not.
7.Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
8.Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
9.The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I".
10.Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power -- Han Solo floors it.

Different Religious Views on Life Taoism-Shit happens
Confucianism-Confucius say, shit happens
Zen-What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism-This shit has happened before
Buddhism-If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Islam-If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Judaism-Why does shit always happen to us?
Protestantism-Let shit happen to someone else
Christianity-If shit happens, you deserve it
Atheism-I don't believe this shit!
Antagonism(or something like that)-What is this shit?

The Top 10 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars" 10> New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
9> Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Leia on the knee with a light saber.
8> Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi-Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."
7> C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.
6> Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.
5> Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Huh...huh...she said, 'Lay ya.'"
4> Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.
3> During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special attachment.
2> Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
and the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"...
1> He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.