She wasn't exactly sure why she walked into the church. She'd
said she would not come crawling back and that was exactly what
she was doing. Quietly walking over to the back pue, she sat
and crossed herself. Placing her hands together, she sat and
prayed like she had never prayed before. Prayers for her
family, lost souls, Mulder, and herself. Sweat slowly rolled
down her face as all of her energy--physical and emotional was
poured into that prayer.
Scully bowed her head lower unvolentarily as she asked for
things she knew were not possible. the childhood memory reminded her. She winced at
that memory. It was so easy to believe that, but she didn't
know what to believe anymore--what was truth and was false.
Squeezing her hands together in a tighter grip, she asked for
guidence--begged for it even.
Weakness was never a feeling she cared for and now was the
worst of all times to experience it. She needed to be strong
for herself and those around her. She needed to be assured she
would live on and finish out was she had started. Silent tears
streamed down her face as she continued her prayer, and then the
answers began coming. Her mind flew through those annoying
Bible verses of her childhood. <"I am the Way, the Truth, and
the Light....." "Let us not grow weary in doing what is right,
for we will reap in harvest time if we do not give up." "...the
only thing that counts is faith working through love." "...for
we walk by faith not by sight." "...you know that in the Lord
your labor is not in vain." "For our struggle is not against
enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the
authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness,
against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places."
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my
life and I will dwell in house of the Lord forever."> Stuned by
the quick recall of about a dozen verses in such a short time,
she sat transfixed as her mind battered her with a wealth of
knowledge and she quickly changed her prayer from one of
desperation to one of thanks--enternal thanks that she had found
the hope she always knew she would find here through the times
when the shadows of darkness gathered around her soul.
Tears glistened on her eye lashes as echoing footsteps met her
ears. She quickly ended her prayer with feeling of being
watched and wiped her eyes. The shadow of the visitor cast
itself over her as she took out a tissue and wiped her eyes and
nose.
"Is this seat taken?" he asked. Scully quickly looked up and
smiled weakly.
"No, no," she shook her head. She patted the space beside her.
"Please. Sit down." He sat and tried to ask her what was
wrong but she went on too quickly. "What were the test results?"
"Blah blah blah," Mulder said. "This is his huge long sermon
about what the plot was about. Blah blah blah." Scully nodded
and took a deep breath. "What are you doing here?" he asked
quietly. She played with the hankerchif in her hands and sighed.
"Uncovering the truth," she stated simply. Mulder sat back,
his arm extending behind her on the back of the pue.
"'I am the Way, the Truth, and the Light?'" Mulder said
playfully. Scully closed her eyes and smiled as she shook her
head.
"John 14:6," she said looking back at him. "One of my personal
favorites since I've known you." He chewed on his lower lip.
"So what have you found?" he asked. She looked back at her
hands and put the hankercheif away. Tucking a lock of hair
behind her ear, she continued.
"Mulder, I think that some truths are hidden," she gestured,
"but others are sometimes....right in front of us and we don't
see them in our miscalculated quest for what we believe to be
hidden truth." She twisted her hands nervously in her lap. "My
medical condition...this cancer has forced me to re-evaluate
everything--my beliefs, my life, my job, my relationships with
friends and family......"
"What--" he asked worriedly, "What are you going to do?" She
shook her head.
"Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do," she looked at
him, "but *this,*" she gestured around the church, "is the
*only* Truth I know--that God exists and He will help take care
of me." Hanging her head again, she tried to think everything
through, but it would have to wait a little longer. Tough
questions had tough answers and they don't just pop up over
night. In the front of the church, the priest quietly escorted
a smiling woman from the wings of the worship area. One lost
lamb had found her way back. Mulder smiled at her
paradox--belief in what science could never prove, and brought
her head to his shoulder, smiling into her hair.
"I'm just beginning to figure that out for myself," he said.
She smiled as the tears began to flow again, but for different
reasons. Placing her hand on the side of his face, she tried to
contain the feelings that once again rose in her.
"God bless you, Mulder," she choked through her tears, wishing
she could somehow express her gratitude in a better way, but
failing. Accepting her tear-laden thanks, he hugged her tighter
to him as he stroked her soft flamed mane, offering more comfort.
"He already has," he whispered in her hair to her. "I have
you." She smiled though more tears as he kissed the top of her
head and she captured one of his hands in hers. Kissing the
back of his hand, she made a silent promise to never give up--on
God, on life, on their work, on hope, and certainly not on him.
Certainly not on him.
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