So, as our quick tour of the year moves on, we have to say "hello" (unless you're not following the linear year) to the month of April. What sets April apart from the other months of the year, is the fact that it is the month directly after the Academy Awards. What sets the Academy Awards apart from the other months of the year, is the fact that it has been proven to not be a month. Why so much talk about the Awards? The answer lies in the fact that no matter how much we hope and wish that a favorite movie of ours gets an award, the award invariably goes to the same type of sappy-romantic-action-drama that it went to last year. Another thing that I have problems believing is the "nomination" process. If you look on virtually any film that has one of the previous characteristics, you will see: "Nominated for (your number here) Academy Awards". That's all fine and dandy, but the large question on most of our minds is: "Who actually gives a(n) (insert your adjective here)?". The fact that you didn't get the Oscar should be something you pretend to hate (just like you pretend to be surpirsed that the film that won actually won). If I didn't get an Oscar but was nominated, I'd probably go into deep withdrawls and hopefully pull out of it in about 6 months, just in time for the Academy Awards where I'm not going to get the award.

More importantly than the Awards, though, is the first day of April, in which we get the opportunity to pull pranks on the general populous and not get put in jail. As we all could tell by last year's april fool's day volcano, pranks are to be taken seriously. Joining me, now, is the head of the Prank department at the Mental Institute, A man whom you probably remember, Mr. Jenkins. (see Feb. Issue)

SPU: Mr. Jenkins, as we all look back at the April Fools' Day Disaster with a sense of mourning (while at the same time a little humour), we can all ask ourselves, "What does the Mental Institute have in store for us this year?".
Mr. Jenkins: Well, we've been working on a few pranks and we're finishing the final testing on some of the better ones.
SPU: Such as?
Mr. Jenkins: If I tell you, then they would lose some of their hilarity.
SPU: Can you tell us about any pranks at all?
Mr. Jenkins: Yes, I can tell you about a few of the minor ones we're planning to pull off.
SPU: Will you?
Mr. Jenkins: Well, a short little number that was thought up by a member of the research team, was one where we would take a large microwave dish, and position it at the reservoir that feeds into the city, we'd then take a pressure switch and set it to go off whenever a car drove past.
SPU: For what purpose?
Mr. Jenkins: When it is activated, the dish should heat up the water in the reservoir and evaporate it all, thus leaving anyone who happened to be shampooing their hair out of water.
SPU: That's a pretty good one, but what about the people that need the water for other purposes, such as putting out fires?
Mr. Jenkins: We've already thought of that. At regular intervals, large jet-drive pumps positioned on the tops of buildings will soak the city in approximately 3cm. of water. These pumps will feed right from the lake, so there is no need to use the water that isn't in the reservoir.
SPU: And the people outside will get drenched?
Mr. Jenkins I'd never thought of that. Sounds funny to me, though
SPU: Any others?
Mr. Jenkins: One of our special agents is getting ready to sneak into the zoo at night and set all the animals loose.
SPU: Which I can imagine will be really funny. Anything else?
Mr. Jenkins: All the traffic lights in the city have been re-programmed to randomly blink on the hour, every hour for about 5 minutes.
SPU: Can you tell us any of the average pranks you've been developing?
Mr. Jenkins: Well, we had watched the movie Jurassic Park last July, and we have been re-creating a few large dinosaurs which we plan to release into the city. We've also managed to get our hands on the train schedules for most of the major railways in the world and we'll be switching them periodically throughout the day.
SPU: Won't that cause a lot of damage?
Mr. Jenkins: Well, you really have to think about last year and the amount of damage that was and then and this seems relatively minor compared to that.
SPU: Well it surely seems that the Mental Institute has retianed it's fine standing tradition in hilarious pranks with little regard for property and damage.
Mr. Jenkins: Not this year. This year we have taken the time to safety test all the pranks and we've compiled a list of all the un-safe possibilities that could happen.
SPU: And where is it?
Mr. Jenkins: It was unintentionally destroyed in the prank involving a cruise missile and the world's largest Jell-o mountain.
SPU: So it sounds like these pranks will have to be re-tested.
Mr. Jenkins: Nope. We don't have the time. We're definitely going to test next year's pranks, though, unless we forget.
SPU: And where will you be when these pranks are happening?
Mr. Jenkins: In a lead shelter 50 metres below the ground. You can never be too careful and we don't want to take chances with one of the bigger ones.
SPU: Can you tell us about any of the larger ones?
Mr. Jenkins: Not without having to kill you afterward.
SPU: Well I can see we're running out of time. Thank you Mr. Jenkins. I hope that you find success with April Fools' Day this year.
Mr. Jenkins: Thank you.

Well, it seems as though this year's batch of pranks will be just as funny and hopefully less damaging as last year's. Personally, I'm going to try to leave the city, but what you do is up to you. Until next month, this is Agent 00-1.