"I have not!" he practically screamed. Other customers in the coffee shop turned their heads to look at the two of them.
"Please, Chakotay, you're making a scene." Kathryn got up, picked up her sweater, and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Goodbye, Chakotay," she said. "I hope we can still be friends."
**********
Captain Janeway walked across the lawn, trying to get to Headquarters. She was late. Kathryn knew that she shouldn't have taken the time to read the message from Mark, but she was curious. Curiosity killed the cat, she reminded herself. It also killed the career of a Starfleet Captain.
Just then, she felt herself slam into someone. Her PADDs tumbled to the ground. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said. Janeway bent over to pick up her reports. A familiar pair of bronze hands started to help her. Immediately, she looked up into the eyes of her former first officer. "Chakotay!" she exclaimed.
"Hi Kathryn," he said softly. There was still hurt in his eyes from several nights before. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" he asked.
"I have to deliver a report to Starfleet Headquarters." Captain Janeway finished gathering her reports and got up.
"May I escort you?" he asked. "It would be purely for the safety of others walking by," he joked.
She laughed, "Of course." They began walking across the lawn, talking like two long lost friends. It had been years since they had talked like friends, romance and love had always gotten in the way. Kathryn was twenty minutes late to her appointment; but, somehow, it didn't matter.
**********
"Hello, Mark," Kathryn waved across the room. It had been two months and three dates later since she had received his message that his previous marriage had not worked out.
"Hi, Kath," he kissed her on the cheek. "How was your day?"
"It was good," she replied sitting down at the restaurant table. "And your's?"
"It was okay," he paused. "You didn't happen to run into Commander Chakotay?"
"What does that to do with anything?" she said, defensively.
A waitress came over and set two cups of coffee down on the table, interrupting the conversation. Mark waited till she left for him to answer, "I'm worried that's all."
"About what?"
"Whenever I see you, he's somewhere around."
"You're either jealous, or paranoid, or both," Kathryn replied, sipping her
coffee. "Chakotay and I have had the occasional conversation since our return
home.
"And he used to be your lover," Mark stated.
"Is that suppose to make me feel guilty?" Kathryn's voice raised. "During
my time on Voyager, I had a lot of regrets. Chakotay wasn't one of them."
There was a long silence. "I'm sorry, Kath." He reached his hand across the
table and clasped her's. "I've gone seven years without you. The last thing
I want is to lose you now."
She smiled, slightly blushing. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I guess I'm just
having trouble adjusting to things. I mean in the time I was gone. We fought
and won a war, you got married and divorced, and the worst change of all:
these new uniforms."
He laughed. "Well, I can assure one thing hasn't changed: the annual Johnson
Christmas party.
"It's Christmas already..." she muttered to herself. "I would love to come."
Mark got up and kissed her on the cheek, "See you there."
**********
Chakotay slipped in through the back door unnoticed. He heard a choir of
voices singing "Jingle Bells". He hadn't been invited, but he had to get
his Kathryn back. He had to keep her out of the arms of Mark, out of his
painful web of abuse. Chakotay had been the one to have Kathryn cry on his
shoulder when the news came that Mark had moved on. He couldn't let him do
it to her again.
He walked over towards the main room and stood just outside, hoping he could
catch her eye. Unfortunately, she did.
"Chakotay, what are you doing here?" she said, once the two had moved away
from the festivities. Kathryn was furious. This was supposed to her and Mark's
night. Chakotay didn't factor in.
"I came to take you back."
"Back? Back where?"
"I love you."
She paused, "Chakotay, I've moved on.
"I don't want to."
"You have to."
His eyes welled up with tears. She had struck the final blow. He was dead
inside. He turned and left. Walking through the cold and snowy Indiana streets,
he heard merriment all around him. Chakotay wished he could have been apart
of that, but it wasn't possible. He had let Kathryn go. Maybe... maybe there
was someone for him out there. Someone who wouldn't steal his heart only
to destroy it later.
He turned and walked into a nearby tavern. He planned on washing away his
troubles with a glass of synthale. As he pushed open the door, he heard more
singing. A group of drunks had lodged themselves in a corner.
He sat down at the bar. "What'll you have?" a young woman with short brown
hair asked.
"Synthale."
She poured it and put it down in front of him. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"It's nothing."
She smiled, "I'm Tessa."
"Chakotay," he replied.
"So, Chakotay, what brings you here to Indiana?"
"A fool-hardy attempt."
"Attempt? Attempt at what?" she asked cautiously.
"I don't want to bore you."
"I've been here all night, serving synthale, talking to no one. It can't
get more boring than this." She smiled again. Chakotay noticed that she was
attractive. He had always heard of "rebounding" after loosing a lover, but
he never imagined it would be himself, right here, and right now. He might
as well go for it.
**********
"You have to see someone about these nightmares, Chakotay," Tessa scolded.
They had had this conversation (argument) on so many occasions, Chakotay
had stopped counting. It was a year since he had lost Kathryn.
"I'm fine."
"I'm worried, that's all," she paused. "When was the last time you talked
to Kathryn?"
"What do you mean?"
She laughed, "You know what I mean. This has never been just our relationship.
It's been you, me, and Kathryn.
Chakotay put his hand to Tessa's cheek. "I love you. Kathryn and I are history.
It's in the past." He kissed her tenderly.
She pulled away. Tears slowly dripped down the side of her cheek, "Why can't
I believe that?" she paused, gazing into his eyes. "You're not happy here.
You want Kathryn." She threw the covers off of her.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving," she replied, shuffling to get dressed
"It was just a dream, Tessa." He stood up and grabbed her arm. Whispering
in her ear, he pleaded, "Don't tell me you're leaving because of a dream."
She twisted away, "I'm not. You still love Kathryn, you shouldn't have to
settle for second best.
"What?"
"There's someone out there for me. I'm sorry it's not you." She picked up
duffel bag and started to leave. He grabbed her once more and pressed his
lips onto her's. "I don't want you to go. Please, stay."
"I'm sorry, Chakotay," she said, freeing herself. "Goodbye, Chakotay. I hope
you can find happiness again."
"NOOO!!!" he screamed at the closing door. He threw a picture of Tessa and
him at the wall and listened to the satisfying sound of it breaking. Everything
was all falling apart again, just like it had a year ago. There was no hope,
no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no
hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope at all.
**********
Kathryn opened the computer files left to her during the day. Nothing truly
special: Starfleet business mostly. Why had she ever accepted the promotion
to admiral? Admirals don't get to have any fun. She should have remembered
that from Captain Kirk's memoirs. "Now this is interesting..." she muttered
to herself. It was a letter from Chakotay.
My dearest Kathryn,
I can't live without you. I have tried to and failed miserably. I even
had another relationship, but all I could think of was you. Please come back
to me. I'll change. I can change. I'll do anything to have you back in my
arms.
Love,
Chakotay
She breathed in. How could she tell him? Her and Mark had married two months
ago. She knew it was best not to have told him then. But now... Kathryn couldn't
just leave the message alone. She had to tell him.
She punched in some keys on the computer, "Hi, Chakotay."
"Kathryn, did you get my letter?"
"Yes," she paused. "I need to tell you something..."
*
