Obsession for Ants

by Tamar Richardson

The ants go marching one by one. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching one by one. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching one by one, the little one stops to suck his thumb and they all go marching down into the ground to get of the rain. Boom! Boom! Boom! It always comes back to me. That thrice damned song! Ever since preschool, whenever it rains, the ants song comes back to me. There's only one way to get it out of my brain: go through all ten verses.

The ants go marching two by two. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching two by two. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching two by two, the little one stops to tie his shoe- I never quite understood why this song gives human characteristics to ants. Ants don't have shoes! Even if they did, they could never tie them.

The ants go marching three by three. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching three by three. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching three by three, the little one stops to climb a tree- I can fully understand an ant's ability to climb a tree, but why would they? It doesn't make any sense. There is nothing to be gained.

The ants go marching four by four. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching four by four. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching four by four, the little one stops to close the door- Do ants really need doors? Should I even bother trying to make sense of this stupid song? Or just get through it so I can live in peace? Peace, definitely.

The ants go marching five by five. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching five by five. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching five by five, the little one tries to stay alive- At least, I think it's stay alive. I mean, if the ant really wanted to stay alive, shouldn't he stop climbing trees and shutting doors? Can't he just go inside like the other ants? OW! I guess I shouldn't bang my head on the table so hard...

The ants go marching six by six. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching six by six. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching six by six, the little one stops to pick up sticks- No comment. It's pointless to try to determine why the little twerp is picking up sticks. Unless, he's picking up firewood... STOP IT, ANGEL!!!!!!!! If you're not careful, you're actually going to start to enjoy the song.

The ants go marching seven by seven. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching seven by seven. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching seven by seven, the little one stops to count to eleven- Ants can't even count! And why would they be counting to eleven? Because it rhymes with seven. Hey! Shut up, brain!

The ants go marching eight by eight. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching eight by eight. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching eight by eight, the little one stops close the gate- Wait! He just shut the door awhile back. Do the ants have a gate and a door? Or did they just do some redecorating between the counts of four and eight? Or do I just need to be locked away for obsessing over ants?

The ants go marching nine by nine. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching nine by nine. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching nine by nine, the little one stops to check the time- Again, ants don't have watches. Maybe they have wall clocks... No, they're ants. They can't tell time. They have no use for watches or clocks.

The ants go marching ten by ten. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching ten by ten. Hoorah! Hoorah! The ants go marching ten by ten, the little one stops to-   Oh no!! I don't remember the rest! How will I ever this song out of my head if I can't finish it? Maybe... maybe if I start it anew, I'll remember the rest...

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