SCENE: THE HELSING HOME. WE START IN THE HALL AND MOVE TO THE LIVING ROOM, WHERE GUSTAV HELSING WAS LAST SEEN STANDING ON A CHAIR. THERE IS NOW NO ONE ON THE CHAIR, BUT THE PAPERS ARE IN EVEN MORE OF A DISARRAY. ON THE GROUND, A DELICATELY LACQUERED GOOSE EGG LAYS, HALF SMASHED, NEXT TO THE TOE OF A LOAFER, WHICH IS ALL WE CAN SEE OF THE SHOE.

THE DOOR OF THE HOUSE OPENS, AND MAX RUNS IN, FOLLOWED BY AMY AND AMARANTHA.

Max: Uncle Gustav! Uncle Gustav, I'm back! (runs upstairs)

AMY AND AMARANTHA COME FURTHER IN. AMARANTHA STOPS IN THE DOOR BETWEEN THE FRONT HALL AND THE LIVING ROOM. AMY STARTS TO GO UP THE STAIRS, THEN STOPS WHEN SHE SEES HER SEMI-NEICE ISN'T ACCOMPANYING HER.

Amy: What's wrong?

Amarantha: (points) I . . . don't think that's supposed to be there.

Amy: You've seen dead bodies before. Come on. You're not supposed to let your prisoner out of your sight unless he's well secured.

Amarantha: He's dead?

Amy: You haven't seen dead bodies before?

Amarantha: (shakes her head) I thought the fish ate them right after they died.

Amy: That would explain it, wouldn't it? There are no fish here.

Amarantha: So dead people on land just lay around?

Amy: No, they're buried. If you won't be able to do anything until we take care of this, then we can bury him.

AMY RUNS DOWN THE STAIRS AND OVER TO GUSTAV. FORTUNATELY, SHE TROUBLES TO CHECK FOR A PULSE BEFORE SMOTHERING HIM WITH EARTH, OR SOMEONE WOULD BE REALLY ANNOYED WITH HER.

Amy: He's not dead.

Amarantha: (rushing to help) Oh, good. (shouts) Max!

Amy: His breathing's shallow, but his pulse is fine. He has a nasty bump on his head here. (traces a spot beneath Gustav's hair, where it's darker and matted)

Amarantha: (kneeling) Is he going to be okay?

Amy: Could be.

Amarantha: What can I do?

Amy: Nothing, probably. You aren't medically trained.

Amarantha: Are you?

Amy: You pick up some First Aid dealing with kids for a few thousand years. They tend to bang themselves up if not watched, which is one good reason why you shouldn't have let your prisoner get out of your sight.

Amarantha: (even louder) Max!!

Max: What?!

Amarantha: Come here! We need help!

Amy: He can't help.

Amarantha: But it's his uncle! He has to know!

Amy: How do you know it's his uncle?

Amarantha: Who else would be in this house?

Max: (at the top of the stairs) What?

AMY AND AMARANTHA MOVE ENOUGH THAT MAX CAN SEE.

Max: Uncle Gustav! (descends thunderously and anxiously dashes to Gustav's side) What's wrong? Are you all right? (to Amy and Amarantha) He's unconscious? Is he all right?

Amy: Bad fall. He hit his head.

Amarantha: (to Max) He's going to be fine. (to Amy) How long until he recovers?

Amy: I can wake him up right now.

BASED ON CERTAIN MAGICAL HEALING TECHNIQUES, SHE CAN DO THIS SAFELY. I CAN GIVE THE PHYSICS OF THIS IF YOU E-MAIL ME PRIVATELY. MAX AND AMARANTHA DON'T KNOW THIS, BUT THEY ALSO DON'T KNOW THAT IT'S DANGEROUS TO TRY TO WAKE SOMEONE UP WITH A HEAD WOUND. MAX IS JUST THINKING OF BEING REASSURED, AND AMARANTHA DOESN'T KNOW BETTER THAN TO MOVE AN INJURED PERSON. THIS EXPLANATION WOULD BE A LOT EASIER, BUT A LOT LONGER, IF THIS WERE PROSE. I WOULDN'T NORMALLY DO THIS, BUT AMY'S HANDS GLOW AS SHE PLACES THEM ON GUSTAV'S HEAD, THUS SHOWING THE AUDIENCE THAT SOME SORT OF MAGIC IS GOING ON. A TENSE MOMENT. DRAMATIC MUSIC. GUSTAV'S EYES OPEN, AND THE MUSIC PETERS OUT.

Gustav: Oooh . . . my head . . .

Amarantha: (whispers to Amy, even though everyone's so close that they can all hear) Can't you fix that?

Amy: I could. (Max and Amarantha look at her expectantly) I won't. What happened?

Gustav: (at the same time) What happened?

AMY SHRUGS AND LOOKS AROUND AT THE MESS ON THE FLOOR, AN OVERTURNED CHAIR, SOME SMASHED COLORED GLASS, THE DESTROYED EGG, THE DESK DOORS HANGING OPEN.

Amy: Looks like you were in a fight.

Gustav: But I didn't invite anyone in.

Amy: Some people can come in without an invitation.

Amarantha: We did.

Gustav: (suddenly looking at Amarantha sharply) Aunt Amy?

AMY WHIRLS AROUND AND GLARES AT HER CONFEDERATE.

Amarantha: Uh . . . she's an Amy, too, so I'm Amarantha these days. You can skip the aunt part.

Gustav: What are you doing here?

Amarantha: We were around . . .

Max: (brightly) They kidnapped me, Uncle Gustav!

Gustav: What? (struggles into a sitting position) You kidnapped my nephew? I'll have you know . . .

Amy: (interrupting) He's learning a lot, so it's good for him. But you can't have him back. We just came to talk with you about philosophy.

Amarantha: Not while his brain hurts, Amy.

Amy: Then you can talk to me about how you know him.

Amarantha: Uh, do you remember my older brother, the one who decided to get married to a human before he was properly fifteen hundred years old?

Amy: Oh, right, Petros.

Amarantha: Well, Gustav is the wife's sister's son.

Amy: I thought your family disowned Petros.

Amarantha: My mitera (mother) did. But she also wanted to disown you.

Amy: Right. (still wants to object, but can't figure out a way that won't work against her) Do you associate with humans regularly?

Amarantha: Sometimes. Remember, he's your relative, too. You _did_ say you wanted to be introduced.

AMY HAS BEEN COWED (OR AT LEAST CONFUSED) BY HER OWN WORDS INTO SILENCE.

Amarantha: Would you like to move to the couch, Gustav? Do you think you can stand, or would you like help?

Gustav: (after making a failed attempt to get up) A small assist might be appreciated. Oh!

THERE IS A DOUBLE RUSH OF AIR THIS TIME, ONE FROM THE FLOOR WHERE GUSTAV WAS SITTING, AND ONE FROM THE COUCH WHERE HE IS NOW PROPPED UP.

Gustav: What happened?

Max: It's really neat! It's like a roller coaster, isn't it Uncle Gustav? The biggest roller coaster ever built! Except it's really strange when you're not expecting it, and you're suddenly very high up.

Gustav: A little . . . stimulating . . . to the heart, I suppose.

Amy: (brightening) If you're stimulated properly, then we can get the philosophy over with.

Amarantha: Have you got anything we can distract her with?

Max: The TV over here isn't any good.

Gustav: There's a lot of antiques and curiosities in the house. On the desk, there . . .

Amarantha: Amy, there should be _something_. Don't break anything you can't pay for.

Amy: (annoyed) You know I haven't been able to access any of my human accounts since I was exiled.

Gustav: Aunt, what is she?

Amy: I'm an elf.

Amarantha: She's a svartalf. But don't worry, she's a good one.

Gustav: A good svartalf? Isn't good or evil the distinction between the alvenkind and the svartalfs?

Amy: Only to the alfs.

Amarantha: Gustav, is that a light sculpture?

Amy: Where? (she is quickly absorbed in the replica of "David," and rights the chair so she can look at the other stuff on top of the writing desk)

Gustav: Ask her to look for some notes while she's at it.

Amarantha: She, um, "doesn't do research." She won't cooperate.

Amy: (not looking around from a marble reliquary) Not with research.

Amarantha: Anyway, do you need anything? Something to drink? Willow bark?

Gustav: Aspirin would be very nice.

AMARANTHA LOOKS BLANKLY AT MAX, WHO SHOUTS:

Max: I'll get it! (runs off, presumably to the medicine cabinet)

Amarantha: Max mentioned that you taught him to be philosophical.

Gustav: (pleased) Really? Well, I am an amateur student. I have a few ideas myself. For instance, would you believe that there's no such thing as a lie?

Amarantha: What?

Gustav: Everything is true in some version of reality, and I think I know how a person might get to some of these other realities. Aunt, you have certain . . . abilities. Could you help me with my quest?

Amarantha: (uneasily) I'm . . . um . . . involved with a project of my own. I'll see what I can do after I've helped Amy. So, Gustav, you're saying that that a person might say something that is untrue in this reality, but because it is almost certainly true somewhere, it can never be considered a lie?

MAX COMES BACK WITH THE ASPIRIN AND A HUGE GLASS OF WATER.

Gustav: Yes, that's it. Only there's no 'almost' about it.

Amy: (turns around) Everything's true?

Gustav: Oh, yes, absolutely everything. All possibilities, whether spoken or unspoken.

Max: Does that mean you can't be upset at me for telling you I was going to bed before we all snuck out?

Gustav: You _what_?

Amy: So, say, Amarantha might be my semi-cousin, still a siren, but following the ancient Nordic ways?

Gustav: (still glaring at Max) Yes, it could be, somewhere.

Amarantha: (laughs) That's far from this reality. Where would you come up with that?

Amy: I saw Amaterasu Okami, and she was worried about mixing religions, so I told her that you weren't of a different religion. Just a little lie, but to one of the more powerful gods, so I was worried. Only it turns out that it's not a lie, because there aren't any.

Amarantha: (seriously) You brought a full god into this?

Amy: (turning to pick up another sculpture) Well, yes. If Lucard has the seals and hasn't used them, it's probably because he doesn't know how. Amaterasu is an expert at that.

Amarantha: Amy! How could you!?

Amy: Have you a better idea?

Amarantha: Yes! Come on, Max.

Max: (eager to leave and so avoid the lecture Gustav is sure to give him) Where are we going?

Amarantha: To see Amina. She knows about the seals of Solomon. She has to, to have stayed free this long, considering how much she's around the humans in her area.

Max: What is she?

Amarantha: A djinn. Amy, you take care of Gustav, okay? And don't go seeing Lucard unless I'm with you!

Amy: I won't. He was very rude last time.

Amarantha: (steaming) Stay here.

Amy: I'm not going anywhere until I've turned the house upside down. This is neat!

WITH A ROAR OF AIR RUSHING INTO PLACE, AMARANTHA AND MAX VANISH. GUSTAV LEANS BACK WITH A MOAN AND HIS HAND OVER HIS HEART.

~

Return to the fanfic page
Return to the Duchy