POEMS AND LIMERICKS
LIMERICKS
In days of old,
when knights were bold,
and women weren't invented
they used the holes in telephone poles
and all men were contented.
In days of old,
when knights were bold,
And ladys weren't particular
They'd stand them up against the wall,
And make love to them perpendicular.
There was a young lady from Stod
Who wanted a baby from God
But it wasn't the all mighty
Who was up her nighty
It was the vicor the dirty old sod!
POEMS
THE BEER SONG
(Sung to the tune of "Do Re Mi" from The Sound of Music...)
DOUGH... The stuff, that buys me beer,
RAY... The guy that sells me beer,
ME... The one, who drinks the beer,
FAR... A long run to get beer,
SO... I'll have another beer,
LA... T-a-lotta-lotta beer,
TEA... No thanks, I'm drinking beer,
That will leave me with no DOUGH! Oh-Oh-Oh...
(Repeat ad-nauseum until you keel over from too much beer)
I'M MY OWN GRANDPA
Many many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow,
Who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
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