Race Relations
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BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Georgia Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats."
LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ...haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
Alabama: Literacy Ain't Everything
Arkansas: At Least We're not Oklahoma
California: Se Habla Ingles
Connecticut: New York City's OTHER Suburb
Florida: The Gunshine State
Idaho: Famous Potatoes ... and Neo-Nazis
Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
Indiana: Home of Dan Quayle
Kansas: Don't Blame Us, We Voted For Dole
Kentucky: Tobacco is a Vegetable
Maine: For Sale
Maryland: We're Better Than Virginia, Damn It!
Minnesota: Land of 7,000 lakes and 3,000 man-made ponds
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Flat Is Where It's At
New Jersey: The Garbage State
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
North Carolina: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Ohio: Don't Judge us by Cleveland
Oregon: Jerry Garcia was here!
Pennsylvania: Cook with Coal
South Dakota: Closer than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Don't Mess with Texas -- We're Armed
Utah: Our Jesus is Better Than Your Jesus
Virginia: We're Better Than Maryland, Damn It!
Washington: Keep Washington Green, Grow Hemp