And The Winner Is...

Mulder: Look! I've found the Black Knight!

Darth: It's just a flesh wound!

From the mind of domes
April 21, 1999


The Runners Up

"Mulder, what on earth is THAT?"

"Oh, just a little something from my contact on Easter Island."

Melvin F. | April 18, 1999
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"Come to the dark side, Scully. The candy is enormous over here."

Lunchlady Doris | April 18, 1999
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Mulder- I really found the Star Wars trilogy enlightening Scully but the Han Solo character was miscast. I definitely could have brought a depth to the role Harrison Ford could only dream about.

Scully- Obviously you have eaten all the candy in this dispenser.

Mulder- Chewy get us in Hyperdrive- we have imperial starfighters hot on our tail!

Scully- I'll go get you an insulin shot.

Skywalker | April 19, 1999
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Scully: "Mulder, what is that?"

Mulder: "I found this long, hard, black helmet-headed shaft under your bed."

Scully: "Well, it certainly isn't mine!"

Anonymous | April 20, 1999
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MULDER: Hey, Scully, check out the new conversation piece for the office.

SCULLY: All right, Mulder. How much did it cost?

MULDER: Oh, I got it from a friend who used to work for Pez. He sold it to me for only $350.

SCULLY: And yet you still won't buy me a desk?

Cuts | April 21, 1999
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MULDER: I wish candy could come out of MY head!

Mr. Krazy | April 18, 1999

The Contenders
(in chronological order)

"What happened to your Darth Vader costume, Mulder?"

"Dangit, those rebels at the dry cleaners overdid the starch."

Lunchlady Doris | April 18, 1999
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"Look at this ancient Egyptian figurine, Scully. Our suspicions can finally be confirmed - George Lucas is a Consortium Elder using his 'work' as inspiration. I knew he couldn't come up with those intergalactic sagas all by himself. HAH!"

Lunchlady Doris | April 18, 1999
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Mulder: "Well, CSM is always likening himself to Darth, so I created this urn for his ashes. Snazzy, eh?"

Scully: "First of all, CSM's still breathing, and second, you're a sick, sick man."

Lunchlady Doris | April 18, 1999
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"Scully, I want you to have something very dear to me. It's my inflatable Darth Vader doll. You blow it up using the opening right (leans over) ...down (points finger) ...there..."

"MULDER!?!"

Lunchlady Doris | April 18, 1999
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Mulder: He didn't say much, but when I tried removing his helmet, he puked on me!

Riff | April 18, 1999
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Who's the father? 1-800-DNA-TEST.

Sara A. Laipis | April 18, 1999
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Vader: Mulder, I...am...your ...father....

Mulder: Oh, come on, I already fell for this once.

Winter | April 18, 1999
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Scully: You just had to know what was under the cape, didn't you?

Samantha | April 18, 1999
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I think I'll perform this autopsy Scully.

Why's that Mulder - your glucose level a little low this morning?

Foghorn Leghorn | April 18, 1999
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"Scully . . . this is my father."

"Mulder, somehow that makes perfect sense."

Jenna | April 18, 1999
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Wanting to give Scully a gift, Mulder decided to give her something that would remind her of the greatest Sci-Fi flick of all time.

Mulder: Here, Scully.

Scully: Uh . . . thanks, Mulder.

Oh, yes. Mulder had gone shopping just before dinner.

Frodo Underhill | April 18, 1999
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Mulder: "Oh man...Scully, that darn guy from "Honey I Shrunk The Kids" is at it again."

Strawberryshake | April 18, 1999
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"Ya know Scully....I always thought he was Egyptian....."

KidCat505 | April 19, 1999
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Scully: I don't know Mulder, he doesn't look so scary.

Mulder: Trust me, Scully, when he regains his conciousness - that voice, wow!

Scully: Mulder, how can he even walk?

Melanie | April 19, 1999
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mulder: use the force, scully...the force of your arms to get the large sugary candy out of the neck.

puddlesky | April 19, 1999
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"Scully, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Mulder, Freud's theories are no longer considered valid, although in your case I'd make an exception."

Vigilant Videotaper | April 19, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, you said that you've found a clue in that mafia case?

Mulder: Yes, look at this. And I don't think that's a violin inside!

CSM: I am your father Luke! I mean Fox!

Wergel | April 19, 1999
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MULDER: This is how Darth Vadar came back from his visit to the Wizard Of Oz..

SCULLY: OH MY!!! What happened ?

DARTH VADAR: "DAMN THAT OZ" I said "PREZ" I wanna be prez, as in president...

Rick Maier | April 19, 1999
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"Oh, my God Scully! He's been squashed flatter than the empire!"

Chaddy Mac | April 19, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, I think you're taking your Star Wars obsession a little too far!

Mulder: But, Scully, it was such a good deal! Only $399.95 for the Darth Vader Dumbbell on QVC!

Scully: You paid $399.95 for that? I think we all know who the real dumbbell is here!

Tabby | April 19, 1999
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Darth (breathing heavily): Fox, I am your sister!

Mulder: Scully! Help me get her out of this thing!

Scully: Oh brother, here we go again.....

Ludo | April 20, 1999
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Scully ... "Yes, it's true Mulder ... Darth Vader really is your father!"

Mulder with a tear in his eye ... "You mean my attraction to Leia is likened to the Peacocks? Ahhhk!"

Scully sniggering and slightly mocking ... "Congratulation's for making a personal appearance in the X-Files for a third time - a world's record."

mingo | April 20, 1999
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S: Mulder I swear this is the worst gift you've ever given me for any reason. How in Hell did you ever get any action with giving gifts like this!?!?!?

M: Because I'm deliciously saucy, and you know it!

C. H. | April 20, 1999
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"No, Mulder - I said bring in the *draft evader* for questioning!"

X-Lydia | April 20, 1999
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DARTH VADER: Fox, I am your father!

SCULLY: Jeez, Mulder! Bill, CSM, Vader here--Teena really got AROUND!

Kawcrow | April 20, 1999
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Scully: Mulder...I think he's trying to tell us something...

Vader: *khhrr hhhh* Mulder...*khhrr hhhh* Cancerman is your father...

Mulder: Noooooo! The humaaanity!!!

Erin | April 21, 1999
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Mulder: Hey, Scully I don't know, but this guy here feels a bit stiff.

Scully: Don't Give me that crap again... do you mean he's an alien!?

Mulder: I don't know but whatever it is it's having a deep and heavy breath...

Vader: So, we finally meet...

Mulder: Wow! Scully, did you hear that...

Scully: Hear what...?

tubex-file | April 21, 1999
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hey what does this look like, give you any ideas huh huh

polish old darth's helmet, come on it's been like 5 years this is getting old

tommy | April 21, 1999
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Mulder: Scully, don't you think the new standard issue agents' weapon is a little big?

Scully, yes, but it makes kinda nice inhaling sounds!

Shlamko | April 21, 1999
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See, Scully! This is the only way to kill an alien. You just stick this thing in their necks....

Forget it, Mulder.You can't even get candy out of those stupid pez things!

D P Falck | April 21, 1999
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Scully: Poor bastard. Another one disguising himself as a Pez dispenser to get into the new Star Wars movie early?

Lori | April 21, 1999
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Darth: Mulder, I am your father. . .

Mulder: Whoa, wait, let me get this straight. You're my father, cancer-man is my father, my father is my father. What's Next?

Dark Saber | April 21, 1999
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Darth Vadar: "Fox help me get this mask off."

Mulder: "But you'll die."

Darth Vadar: "Let me look upon you with my own eyes."

Scully: "Mulder I thought I told you to leave those hobos alone!"

Starbob | April 21, 1999
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MULDER: Check it out Scully. I took your advice and decided to add some "personality" to my apartment. Isn't it great?

SCULLY: Um, Mulder...when I said more personality, I was thinking-

MULDER: And it was a real steal too. Whaddya think? Does it say, "I'm a man who knows how to have fun"?

SCULLY: More like, "I'm a man who has lived alone for a very long time..."

Scripts | April 21, 1999
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Scully: Mulder...what the heck is that thing?

Mulder: I'm telling you Scully, the aliens are using it to inflitrate pop culture and make the appearance of extra terrestrials seem like an everyday occurrence!

Scully: Sure...Fine....Whatever...

Margaret | April 21, 1999
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Mulder: What do you make of it, Scully?

Scully: I think if you sell it on EBay you'll make enough money to buy all the sunflower seeds you want.

domes | April 21, 1999
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Scully: No. I will not go undercover in THAT!

domes | April 21, 1999
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Hey Scully....have you lost the batteries for this thing???

Alan Young | April 22, 1999
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Scully: How long do we have to haul this evidence around?

Mulder: Just until we prove that he is NOT my father.

Alexis Faust | April 22, 1999
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Scully: It appears to be some sort of long shaft sort of thing.

Mulder: Do you know what this reminds me of.

Samantha | April 22, 1999
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Mulder: Well Scully, I honestly don't know if I should be frightened or hungry.

Fallen Angel | April 22, 1999
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Mulder: Here Scully, I want you to have this.

Scully: Mulder, what the hell am I gonna do with THAT??

Mulder: Scully, it's a PEZ dispenser! Don't you remember Pez dispensers from when you were growing up?

Scully: You talk about my age one more time...

Andorra | April 23, 1999
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Scully: marital aid!!!

anonymous | April 23, 1999
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"I bought it for the office, Scully. Tilt its head back, it tells you it's your father..."

Amy | April 23, 1999
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Scully, this is the strangest looking dildo I've ever seen!

Scoot | April 23, 1999
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Scully, if you marry me, I'll tell you the REAL identity of darth vader.

Ron Melson | April 23, 1999
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Mulder: "Alright, you evil candy dispenser, where's my sister!"

Vader: "Sister?! If you won't turn to the dark side then perhaps she will!"

Mulder: "Never!!!"

Scully: "This is so lame...."

Aaron Slack | April 23, 1999
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Scully: "What is that thing?"

Mulder: "I ordered a blow-up Princess Leia doll, but they sent me this giant Pez dispensing Darth Vader instead. I guess I'll just have to use it for tonight."

Scully: "I'm sorry I asked."

Aaron Slack | April 23, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, when you invited me over for "slumber party games," I must admit I had something different in mind.

Mulder: C'mon, Scully, say it with me:
Light as a feather ... stiff as a board ...
Light as a feather ... stiff as a board ...

thrayonlosa | April 23, 1999
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Scully, I now bestow upon you the powers of the Sith.

Mike Sanders | April 24, 1999
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"Yet another reason Mulder and Scully's relationship should remain platonic: If they go all the way with the Darth Vader/CSM connection, Mulder and Scully will end up as siblings."

Teena Simmons | April 24, 1999
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After months of searching, Mulder had found the perfect gift for Scully.

Mulder: Here, Scully.

Scully: Uh, thanks, Mulder. It's, it's really heavy.

Mulder: If you press his nose it plays the Star Wars music. It's heavy metal music, like Handel played.

Scully: What?!

Mulder: You know! Handel, the great musician. He played heavy metal. Some of his insturments were heavy, and were in fact metal. Therefore, he played heavy metal music.

Scully: (to herself) Why can't I have a normal partner, like everyone else.

Frodo Underhill | April 24, 1999
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Here it is Scully, the first alien-Darth Vader hybrid.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Ally | April 24, 1999
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A LONG LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY

As they look upon the Lord of the Sith, Mulder and Scully wonder if they should use it against the evil Emperor CSM, or use Vader as a battering ram.

jenn | April 24, 1999
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Mulder: "Happy Late Birthday, Scully! I got you something that reminded me of you."

Scully: "Mulder, how does a giant, freakish head on a stick remind you of..... [Her voice fades off, as Mulder begins to chuckle.] You mean to tell me that I have a huge ego? That I am rigid and inflexible in my thinking? That my skepticism has made my life dark and uninteresting?!"

Mulder: [Stops chuckling, pauses, and, speaks mock seriously] "Actually, I just thought it was a pretty cool lamp."

Nemysys | April 24, 1999
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Mulder: Hey, Scully! Check out what we found at the house of the art smugglers.

Scully: I don't know, Mulder. That doesn't look like an Egyptian antiquity to me.

Mulder: But look at the heiroglyphs! P-E-Z. That has to be a pharoah's name.

Wergel | April 24, 1999
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So Scully, what do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in the water?

Bob.

Mulder, I can't believe that you'd joke around with the body of what may be your biological father....

MartiniDrinkingMan | April 24, 1999

Action Caption | Alien Ice Picktures | Week 33 Winners