Cue Music-
"Reluctantly crouched at the starting line. Engines pumping and thumping in time. The green light flashes, the flags go up. Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup. They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank. Fuel burning fast on an empty tank. Reckless and wild they pour through the turns. Their prowess is potent and secretly stern. They speed through the finish, the flags go down. The fans get up and they get out of town. The arena is empty except for one man. Still driving and striving as fast as he can. The sun has gone down and the moon has come up. And long ago somebody left with the cup. But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns. And thinking of someone for whom he still burns. He's going the distance. He's going for speed. She's all alone (all alone). All alone in her time of need. Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course. He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse. He's going the distance." 'The Distance'
Cake
Mulder and Scully are at a farmhouse and knock on the door...
FARMHOUSE GUY: What!?!
SCULLY: We are with the FBI and noticed you have large amounts of shit in your back yard and....
FG: What are you Jehovah witnesses?
MULDER: No FBI! Wanna see the badge?
SCULLY: Stop it Mulder, I know this is shit detail but you don't have to mock the in-breed. Sir, excuse my partner. He is the crabby one today, I think someone pissed in his wheaties this morning and then he found out he lost is driver and had to drive himself to work - real tough day. Anyway sir, we are with the FBI...
MULDER: That's Federal Bureau of Investigation.
FG: I know what means. I watch America's Most Wanted every night.
SCULLY: Well sir, we are doing routine checks on fertilizer and...
FG: What!?!? You mean this is where my tax dollars are going. So you people can investigate horse crap!
MULDER: Yeah, we write reports too, the latest was called 'The Starr Report,' did you read it? I did it was full of sex and cigars, great reading for the bathroom.
SCULLY: Sir, just let us look around and we will be out of here as fast we can.
MULDER: Hey Scully look at this...
SCULLY: Mulder we can't go look into that. We will get in trouble. Kersh is a hard ass! He has it out for us and you have already broken his protocol when you bought those nifty shades. He will not be pleased if we off and go solve that case for him.
MULDER: But Scully this case is shit. We solved this one before we knocked on the door, we can do the paper work on the way home. No one will ever need know we slipped to Nevada. Please Scully??? I need to chase a monster. I am having x-file withdrawal here... Please Scully can we go?
Back at the morgue Scully is happily slicing and dicing when whoa she finds something. Something sort of like popped. Scully starts to become aroused as she pokes around the popped area. Mulder mean while drives behind the ambulance. In the ambulance Crump starts to feel better and over powers the guards then tries to flee. Mulder is right there but Crump as gun and takes him hostage.
Stll at the morgue Scully is in full medical force and declares the morgue a quarantined area, then tries to call FEMA but the line was busy so she calls Mulder instead. Scully tells him the low-down on the pop and that she as no idea what happened to Vicky Crump, but does tell Mulder that he should stay as far away from Patrick Crump, as humanly possible, he may have a virus. Crump grabs Mulder’s phone and tells Scully, "to late" then tosses the phone out the window. Mulder gets mad and calls him stupid and tells him he will have to pay for that his new boss AD Kersh will see to it!
Later Scully suffers cell-phone withdrawal and calls the police captain to the other side of the quarantined window. He tells her, the police are tracking Mulder. Mulder and Crump drive but soon they come to a stop light. Mulder slows like the law says Crump starts going nuts. Mulder puts the pedal to the metal and runs the light. Soon as they top 70MPH Crump feels better. Mulder starts to piece some of this together and him and Crump chat.
MULDER: Hi, my name is Mr. Mulder.
CRUMP: Hi Mr. Mulder my name is Mr. Crump.
MULDER: I'm Jewish you know.
CRUMP: I had a wife till her brain exploded.
In the car, Crump retells Mulder his story. We will skip that part it is only the premise of the episode and not important. Mulder informs Crump the is ride is almost over, they need gas. So they pull into the gas station but the station is run by lazy people. Mulder gets impatient and drags Crump out of the car and into the next car then leaves. Ahh but Mulder was smart he left note for Scully. The cops are called and they call Scully. Meanwhile at the same time Scully finds something. Dead birds, by the dozen. And look a small stone thing name plate whatever in the ground. After clearing the dead animals off she notices it is humming and oh look it is marked "US GOVERNMENT PROPERTY--TAMPERING PUNISHABLE BY FINE AND INCARCERATION."
Scully heads off Horizon View Naval Research Station in Wendover, Nevada. She asks about all that stuff she found the Navy tells her it's classified. Back in the station wagon Crump is getting worse. They then pass into California state lines and two California Highway Patrol cops on motorcycles follow them. Mulder yells out the window....
MULDER: Hi, Ponch!
PONCH: Hi Mulder, Scully needs to talk to you here she is on the phone.
Mulder takes the phone.
MULDER: Hi Scully.
SCULLY: I figured it all out. Meet me when the road ends.
MULDER: What is going on? And can I meet you sooner I gotta go pee real bad.
SCULLY: The Navy did this and I know how to solve it.
MULDER: How?
SCULLY: I got a long, needle that I need to insert into Crump's inner ear. It will relieve the pressure and stop the need for speed. Of course he will be left deaf. But it is the best I can do.
Closing scene....
KERSH: I have receipts for sun glasses, a new cell phone, excessive mileage on a rent a car and also a bill from some guy that claims you stole his car.
MULDER: I can explain sir...
KERSH: I don't want an explanation I want the money!
MULDER: Give her the bill, I am broke.
KERSH: Oh I planned on it. Look you two are not on the x-files no more. You have to answer to me with all your expensive and I will not stand for this type of disobedience.
MULDER: Then transfer us.
KERSH: Umm, Mr. Mulder. You are at rock bottom on transfers. This is it, shit detail or leave. I can not transfer you any more got it? So when do I get your resignation?
SCULLY: Never! We will never stop! We are on a mission from God! We want our office back. We want the notoriety of working on the x-files again. We want our old boss Skinner back. He was much more understanding then you. And I want my DESK damn it! I will not quite until I get my DESK!
MULDER: Will you shut up about the desk already. And Kersh byte me! (Mulder leaves)
SCULLY: Ditto. And I apologize for my partner he....
KERSH: Why are you always apologizing for him?
SCULLY: I am not!
KERSH: Yes you are, he just cost you a nice hefty fine...
SCULLY: Is this going on our disciplinary record?
KERSH: Agent Scully there is no more room on your record. But please answer my question.
SCULLY: What question?
KERSH: Why do you put up with him? Do you love him?
SCULLY: Are you NUTS! That is gross! Besides he has a big nose and has no taste in clothes. I can do better then Mulder. Guys tell me I am one hot babe!
KERSH: Then why stay with him?
SCULLY: I have no choice there are two more years on my contract still left. And I want my desk. That is why. And I was not apologizing for him. Frankly I am surprised the general public hasn't thank us.
KERSH: For what?
SCULLY: We single handily saved the lives of millions and made the Navy remove their unethical testing things. Ralph Nadar should be giving us an award.
KERSH: All was explained to the press we made up story. No way in hell we credit this to two sorry excuses for agents. Remember you are now assigned here and no more of this x-file stuff.
SCULLY: What a pile of shit this is? I want a raise!
KERSH: You just got one now leave.
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