My Otherkin Experience
There's so much to tell, i'm not really sure where to begin. So i'll start at the beginning.
As a child, i had an enormous fear of fires. It was so bad that it would keep me up at night; i would lay in my bed, terrified that the house would catch fire and i would be trapped. I would think of all the possible escape routes. I never knew why i had such a terrible fear.
Also as a child, i would pretend for hours, days sometimes, that i was a cat. I would prance around on all fours, meowing, only eating my food if it were on a dish on the floor. Every Hallowe'en, i was a cat. When i was nine, i got a kitten, Petie. Petie was always my cat. Only i could pick him up and dress him up in doll clothes. He'd bite anyone else that tried it. He and i grew up together, in a sense, and for years he was my closest friend (i was not a popular kid).
Years passed. I knew i wasn't exactly normal. I could do things that other people couldn't. I knew when people were lying to me, and sometimes i could tell what they were feeling.
for no apparent reason, i decided that i wanted to learn swedish. so i got some swedish languange tapes and some swedish grammar books for christmas.
As i got older, the feeling that i was rather uncommon grew stronger. I became able to feel what other people were feeling, but more often than not, i couldn't control it, and most of the time i didn't realize i was doing it. It was really very frightening. Then, one day i looked into someone's eyes, and i fell behind them. I mean, i looked behind their eyes, and i saw that person's soul. It's impossible to describe. There are no human words to describe what a person's soul looks like. It's a combination of smells, feelings, emotions, and sometimes colors.
More years passed. I was looking behind people's eyes, feeling their emotions all the time, learning to control it more. I met some interesting people who were able to help me learn more, and a certain interesting person with whom i share a very strong connection. But, she is a private person, i won't mention her name. This woman and i had some very strange experiences together, and i owe her my life; she has saved it on more than one occasion.
One night, not too long ago, i had a very strange dream that was bothering me. i wrote to my friend, Tiernan, asking her what she thought it meant... Tiernan is Sidhe, and she runs an e-mailing list, TirNanOc. I posted it in the mailing list, and got a few replies from people who asked me some interesting questions, making me think more abuot the whole thing. Now, in the dream, there was a group of 13 people that i belonged to, and they told me the name of what we were. I said the name several times in the dream, and i remember it, at some level. But i can't remember the word. I know it started with a B and and had an R in there somewhere. Then i heard the word Brinn, and i got chills. I believe that that is the word, but i can't be sure.
The dream was not just a dream, it was a visitation. there was someone in the dream, someone that was not a dream. i know this because i could look behind his eyes, and i've never been able to do that in a dream before or since.
I've tried to do some research on the word Brinn, and it seems that there is no human record of the Brinn, so i'll explain to you what i know.
The Brinn are a feline race of sorts. As someone from the mailing list put it, they are "ferocious fighters, and not terribly disposed to trust outsiders." Okay, so the cat connection we got. Also, though i try to be as friendly as i can, and give the people the benefit of the doubt, i'm not inclined to trust very easily.
I did a search on the web using one of the best search engines there is, HotBot. The results of my search were a lot of last names, some strange role-playing things and strangely enough, a lot of swedish links. So i dug out all of my swedish books and read them all again, looking for the word Brinn. Nothing. So i went to an online swedish-english dictionary and looked it up.
In swedish, Brinn means "to be on fire, to be on fire with enthusiasm." Are we seeing a pattern here?
Although this is all i have to say for now, this story is far from over. It will never be over, not as long as i'm alive.