I hate her.

I've never met my sister. I will never meet my sister. But sometimes I hate her so much that I want to go in her locked-up room and smash everything until no one remembers that Buffy Summers ever existed.

I feel bad about feeling this way. I really, really do. She was probably a nice person. She'd probably be pretty hurt that I don't like her. But maybe I would like her if she hadn't been stupid enough to get killed.

I don't know how she died, exactly. She was pretty young, so I guess she just got sick or something. Mom doesn't like to talk about it.

Neither does Dad. My Dad, I mean.

She had a different Dad from mine. Hers was Uncle Hank. He's okay. He always gives me presents on Christmas and my birthday. And Her birthday, too. Mom hates that, but she never tells him not to anymore.

When I was little, Uncle Hank would just stare at me sometimes, like he was looking for her in me.

It makes me feel weird; like I did something wrong.

And then there's her room. Mom keeps it just the same as it was when Buffy died, and all locked up. It's only open when Mom goes in there to clean up and dust or just to cry. I used to be scared of it, when I was younger. I thought it was full of monsters, since the door was always closed. When I was five, I stole the key and went in there.

I remember wondering why I was so scared of a stupid girl's room.

There was a stuffed pig. Mr. Gordo.

It was the only time Mom ever yelled at me. Really yelled, like she hated me.

I think she does.

No, that's not right. Mom doesn't really hate me. She wouldn't be so clingy if she hated me.

Mom's afraid that I'll disappear, so she keeps me 'safe' and close. I've never been to a camp-out or a sleepover or gone on a fieldtrip. I'm not allowed to ever be out after six o'clock, even in the middle of the summer. Mom picks me up from school every day right after the bell rings, and drops me off in the morning.

And then there's all the health food and the 'quality entertainment'. No comic books or video games for me; just old, dusty books. Mom especially hates violent stuff. I'm not allowed to watch horror movies ever.

I saw Dracula at Dave's house once. When I came home and told told Mom about it, and how cool the vampire hunter guys were, she called Dave's Mom and screamed at her. I was grounded for a week.

And I know, I just know, that it's Buffy's fault.

I hate her so much that it hurts.

Why did she have to die?