Sunnydale High School Drama Presents
by Ben: The Vampire Hunter
b_church@yahoo.com
Feedback! Please!
You know the drill by now. There's a disclaimer at the end about the script thing.
Part 6: The Attack
"Great." Joe muttered. "Our first late night rehearsal, and
we're missing one Soul Girl, Audrey II and two crew people." He sighed.
"What did you say they were doing Micky?"
"Something about an emergency meeting of the crime club." Micky
told him. "Actor."
"Right, whatever. Okay understudies, guess you're up. Micky, guess you'd
better get the crew going on that set. You're a bit behind schedule. Techie."
"Yes sir Mr. Assistant Director Sir. Actor."
"Explain this to me again." Spike grumbled. "We're attacking
a bunch of Theater Nerds why?!"
"Because Roller Derby Queen," Angel said. "Buffy and her
friends are bonding with them. When they get back from the wild goose
chase we sent them on, and find all their new friends slaughtered..."
"It'll ever so dramatic." Drucilla grinned. "Let's go."
Marty sat in the light booth, napping. Joe had called a short
break before they rehearsed the curtain calls. "Thank God this
rehearsal's almost over." It was almost nine.
"Now remember," a British accented voice behind him said. "If
anybody says `It's curtains` I'll personally stake them."
Marty sat bolt upright in his seat. Spinning in his chair, (it
was the kind that turned, obviously) he saw a paraplegic Vampire, and
two more.
Marty knew he probably didn't have much time. He dove for the
console, hitting the button next to the suck button. The red one that
Micky had installed in case of just such an occurrence.
Joe leaped from his seat backstage where he'd been enjoying his
break. The alarm had been sounded. There could be no mistaking the
"Red Alert" noise from Star Trek overlaid with "Danger Will Robinson!
Danger!"
"This is it!" he shouted.
The Following is Written in Script Form because I can.
Author's note: Music played during the scripted sequence: lots of
horror and suspense music, with bits of Super Mario Bros., Seinfeld, Benny Hill, and
other recognizable if usually inappropriate stuff mixed in.
Vamps charge the stage. There is absolute chaos of people, cast
and crew scrambling to escape.
Ben (and others): Run Away! Run Away!
Short Montage of scenes: Micky and the Crew remove Vamp Fighting
weapons from clever hiding places.
Another Montage of Scenes: Micky and Crew using said weapons.
Chris dives for the prop table but slips. A Vamp lunges for him, but,
Ziggy, thinking fast, dumps a trash can of Sawdust in front of it.
The Vamp slips, and Chris slides on the dust under the Vamp's legs, and
climbs it's back, jumping onto the table. Chris grabs a seltzer
bottle.
Chris: (Curly (Three Stooges) noise)
Chris sprays the Vampire with the holy water contained in the bottle.
Chris: Cool, I just did a stunt.
More Vamps attack, switch to Quake or Doomlike viewpoint, as Chris
sprays Vamps and runs along hallways.
Dissolve to view of actual Quake game. Soldier get's blasted.
Pull back to reveal a Vamp and Justin Mason playing quake against
each other, computers are facing each other.
Vamp: Dammit! Got me again!
Cut to: Aaron Derby cornered by a huge vamp.
Aaron: Hi.
Vamp disintegrates.
A Vamp stalks the hallways. Before him, he sees several crew members
set up what looks like a long white plastic pipe.
Vamp: Oh my, a buffet!
Michael: Fire in the hole!
There is a muffled explosion as the pipe is fired. A potato erupts
from it, striking the Vamp in the stomach. It's a potato gun (duh)
Ziggy and Andy sit perched on the catwalks, each holding a prop sword
in one hand, and a rope in the other. They nod at each other and
swing off towards the stage.
Andy: Spooooooon!!
Ziggy: (camel noise)
They neatly take out two vamps. Ziggy falls from the rope and slides
along the stage, hitting the wall. Andy lands gracefully and strikes
a heroic pose.
Izzy and Nicole sit in a balcony (that has conveniently and
miraculously appeared).
Izzy: Ziggy was doing okay till he fell onto the stage.
Nicole: Wrong, he was doing okay till he approached the stage!
Both: (Statler and Waldorf type laughter)
Angel and Drucilla jump out of a dark corner in front of Steve Luber
and Ben.
Ben: Zoinks!
Ben and Steve run in place for a moment then take off. Bad 70's music
starts as Angel and Drucilla chase after them. They enter a hallway
with lots of doors, resulting in a Scooby Doo chase scene.
In the middle of this scene, Armand runs down the hall chased by two
Vamps in business suits.
Vamps: CONFORM! CONFORM!
Armand: Nooooo!!
Rick stands calmly in the lobby drinking a slurpy. He's wearing shades
with Bugs Bunny Ears attached. The Vamps take one look at him and
shrug.
Vamp 1: I ain't bitin' him.
Vamp 2: Me neither.
They leave him alone.
Stefan is in the isles, he is dressed like a concession stand. Suddenly there is an
audience. Mostly Vamps, watching the action on stage.
Stefan: Popcorn! Programs! Blood!
Random Vamp: Hey I'll have a blood!
Stefan tosses a red can off screen. (screen? when did this become on t.v.?)
Brian Connor dances to the music playing on the soundtrack. His dance
style is much like Xander's. Two Vampires stop short upon seeing him.
Vamp 1: Is that, that Xander kid?
Vamp 2: I don't know. Where's that music coming from?
Cut To:
Fitz is blind sided by a huge vamp, and he is soon pinned to the floor
by three others.
Announcer: Is this curtains for Fitz? How will he escape?
Fitz: Must...reach...pocket!
With great effort, Fitz reaches into his pocket and pulls a flask out.
He unscrews the top with his teeth, as his other hand is busy warding
off Vampire bites. He drinks from it.
Popeye music plays as Fitz throws his attackers off, and single handedly
takes out all four.
Fitz then holds the flask up to camera and smiles.
Announcer: When in doubt, choose Booze.
Pan Camera to right, revealing the announcer, who is actually Dustin.
Cut To:
Steve Mossberg, Joe, Micky and Talon are ambushed by Vamps. Soundtrack
begins playing Auntie Grazelda (note: As you may or may not know, this
is the song that is always playing during the Monkees' chase scenes).
Begin a chase montage. Three times during which, cut to scene of all
four in Monkees' clothes (picture the usual monkees' background) and
singing the aforementioned song. Just like the Monkees', some of them
are only pretending to play the instruments.
At the last time, have Angel and Drucilla burst into the scene. The
cheesy 70's backdrop vanishes and the four students drop their
respective instruments and flee.
Two vamps take a break from terrorizing. One sets a glass of blood on
a set piece.
Vamp1: Who would have thought a bunch of theater geeks would be so hard
to kill?
There is a dull thud.
Vamp2: Wait, did you feel that?
Close up of the glass. On the next thump, the blood ripples.
From off camera a very good imitation of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park
can be heard. Vamps panic and run.
After they're gone, Dan O'Brian comes into sight, walking like the
T-Rex. He does the roar again.
In the audience, Spike sits with Sam Richardson at tea. Or blood in
Spike's case.
Sam: Look at them all, running around like savages.
Spike: I know. Sad really. I mean Angel I'm not really surprised is
so excitable. But Dru's English. More tea?
Sam: No, thank you.
Spike: Shall we get to it then?
Sam: Yes all right.
Spike: Now then, where were we?
Sam: I believe it was, Ahhhhh!
Spike chases Sam off.
A Vamp backs into the theater, hissing as if he were being warded off.
As he comes into the theater we see that he is. By a Star of David
held by Matt.
Eric, Kevin, Kamau, and a random extra are standing calmly in the
lobby. A Vampire walks up and attacks the random extra.
Kamau: Oh my God! He's killing Kenny!
Eric: You bastard!
Kevin: Oh, he's not dead. He's-
Off Screen Voice: All right! That's it! Stop it, it's gone much too
silly!
The Col. from Monty Python steps into veiw.
Col.: Right! We wish to apologize for that last bit. Now, cut to the
next little...bit.
Andrea and-
Col: Wait for it!.........Cue!
Andrea and Miriam stand their ground as four Vamps approach.
Andrea: Now?
Miriam: Wait...now! Belt!
Miriam and Andrea: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
All the Vamps are knocked off their feet.
Vince stands all tough and Football Quarterbacky (it's a word now).
Dru: Is that supposed to frighten me? (she giggles) The stars are
screaming. Don't they sound pretty? (she approaches Vince in full
Vampiric glory.)
Vince: (Jerry Lewis imitation) Hey Lady!!
Dru screams and runs away.
Announcer: (this time it's Marty Lynch) Finally, after a fierce battle
in which no one really died, the cast and crew were rounded up and
captured. And now a word from our sponsor.
(Commercial Break)
I Wake up in the morning and I think, I'm bald.
(Commercials end)
The cast and crew are tied up on the stage. Spike is no where to be
seen, but Angel and Dru, the only remaining Vamps (no, Spike ain't
dead) stand triumphantly before their captives.
Angel: Well, you put up a good fight. I hope you feel good about that
as me and Dru drain you dry. But first, are there any final thoughts?
Ben: Oemaway, owemaway, owemaway, owemaway...
Fitz joins in on the higher part as Joe begins to sing.
Joe: In the jungle, the mighty Jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!
The others join in as the song progresses, including Angel and Dru. As
the song reaches the third verse, all the cast and crew get up,
shedding their bonds and conga line off stage. The music continues
however as Angel and Dru dance the Cha-Cha, and Spike wheels on (think
Dr. Scott in Rocky Horror)
Music scratches to a stop as Angel realizes what just happened.
Angel: Wait a minute! (he runs off)
Dru: That was fun. The souls of the dead joined in! (she follows
Angel)
Spike: At least no one noticed I was wearing fishnets.
Off Stage Voice: Ha ha!
Spike grabs Micky from behind.
Spike: I'm gonna eat at least one of you little freaks.
Micky: Weren't you supposed to be in a wheel chair?
Spike: (who by the way is walking) Oh yeah, well, this will be our
little secret eh?
Micky grabs the Pentacle around his neck and presses it against Spike's
head. Spike screams and smokes. Micky gets away.
Dru cuts off Joe's retreat.
Dru: You sing divinely. Won't you sing for me?
Joe gives her THE LOOK. She cringes away. He escapes.
Angel finds himself between Ziggy and Aaron.
Ziggy: Uh, hi.
Angel blinks, his soul returned.
Angel: What, what am I doing here?
Aaron: Ziggy that was amazing!
Angel blinks, his soul taken away.
Angel: Hey! How'd you do that?!
Ziggy: I don't know, It just happens.
Angel blinks, his soul returned.
Angel: What's going on?
Aaron: This could get weird.
Angel blinks, his soul taken away.
Angel: Now stop that!
This continues for several minutes till Angel (without his soul)
screams and escapes.
Fade to Black.
Fade back into the girls dressing room:
Lisa, Kathleen and Christie lie sprawled on the floor. Dead?
Christie: Can we stop playing dead yet?
Kathleen: Yeah, are they gone yet?
Lisa: Shhh! They'll hear you!
Fade to Black.
End Scripted section.
Ben put down the script giggling. "Izzy this is hilarious!"
"I thought so." Izzy said. "It was hard to think of things for
everyone to do. I ended up leaving out some usual plot threads."
"That's all right, I don't know how Nicole taking over the
world would have fit in there."
"Well anyway it's a lot cooler than what did happen."
"What did happen?" Mr. Dean asked.
"The Vamps took one look at how weird we were, the spooky girl
said we were all nuts, and they left." Ben answered.
To Be Continued...
Disclaimer: Hi, this is Izzy here. That's right, the deranged script writer. What do you
mean "who?"? The script writer! I've been in there several times! Sigh. Anyway, I'd
just like to clue you, our beloved audience, in on a few facts about my scripts: first of
all, they are almost always like this one. Secondly, on the topic of Ziggy, whenever he
has a line in my script, someone comes back to life (or in this case gets their soul back.)
As for Aaron, whenever he talks, someone dies. Hey, it's my world, I can do what I
want. And lastly (plug), all of my (plug) previous scripts are (plug) easily accessible
on my (plug) website at (PLUG), http://www.oocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/3169 (major PLUG) So
check (plug) them out. (end plug) Thank You. (
geocities.com/area51/dimension) (
geocities.com/area51)