Author's note: This --> *Means it's a flash back*. This part is from Buffy's pov (point of view). Feel free to e-mail me your opinions, comments, and all flames (not a lot) to Shiroi_Kuma@hotmail.com

I walk on the sidewalk that leads to my house. Or what was my house. I know that my mom couldn't have meant what she said, before I left. My memory won't let me forget. It keeps playing back the scene over and over again.

*"If you leave this house, don't even think about coming back!" her voice was full of anger, but I couldn't blame her.

I just stood at the back door for a few seconds, angry at what she said. But then I realize I'm saying my silent good-byes. Then, I left.*

But, sometimes I never can tell. I just have to face her again. Sometimes I just wish I had amnesia, so I wouldn't remember anything that happened that night or early the next morning. But, I know that won't happen anytime soon.

As I wonder farther up the road, I noticed that everything looked the same. All the homes were still nicely kept. The same trees and bushes in every yard. It was like I never left, but I did. The atmosphere even had me fooled, but I knew there was still tension between my mom and I.

I wonder what she's going to say? Or if she even knew I was still alive. Now that she knows I'm the slayer, I'm sure she spoke to Giles, Willow, and Xander. She probably went through my stuff, finding my stakes, holy water, and crosses, and my Claddagh ring. Probably found Angel's jacket, too.

I try and try again to let my mind slip into emptiness, but it won't let me forget. Or maybe I just don't want to forget.

Sometimes your worst nightmares are your only comfort. Seeing the image of my mom makes me happy, even though she is very angry. I even see the image of Angel. My Angel. I also see him giving me the Claddagh ring or dancing with me. But, all my memories of him lead to the day I killed him. I don't like to think back to that day, but it's the only way to comfort me.

*"Close your eyes," I whisper. I didn't want him to think anything was up.

Angel closes his eyes without hesitation. I kiss him one more time before I have to stab him. Everything is in slow motion for me. The sword slowly goes through his stomach, but I wish it was mine. Angel is sucked into the portal and the Acathla closes.*

Warm tears are racing down my face. My knees give out on me and I just fall to the ground. I can't stop crying, I'm not sure if I want to. For some reason, crying makes me feel better. I just wish that Angel was here to comfort me, like he always used to. But now, because of me, he can't.

I finally get control of myself. I wipe me eyes and pick up my backpack. Seeing the front door, I make my way to it. I knew my mom was probably working, but when she got off, she will sure be surprised.

As I reach the door, I search my backpack for my set of keys. I don't know why I took them with me. Maybe fate was with my that morning I left, but I'm not sure. Back then, I wasn't sure of anything.

I take out my set of keys and slowly unlock the door. Like I'm entering an old antique house or something. I pull the keys out of the lock and enter my mom's house.

I step in and close the door behind me. My eyes see that everything's the same as when I left. I go up the stairs to my room. I don't know why, maybe just to see my room again.

As I reach my room, I get a weird feeling. I can't quite explain it, but if I could, it's like as if I feel Angel's presence. The same way I felt when he always hid in the shadows. But I know that can't be right, because I sent him to Hell.

I reach for the door knob and slowly turn it, not wanting to open the door anymore. I don't know why, but maybe I'm paranoid.

As I turn the cool, round, brass doorknob, I slowly push open the door. I peer in, I see no one. My room is left how I left it. I put my bag down and pick up Mr. Gordo on my shelf.

*"Spending time with Mr. Gordo?" I ask Angel, smiling.

"Huh?" he says, still cling to Mr. Gordo.

"The pig," I point out.

"Oh." he smiles and puts Mr. Gordo down.*

I go back to my bed and sit down. I don't know why I feel disappointed.

"Who did I expect to see here? Angel? Of course not, I killed him," I call into the empty room.

*"I love you," Angel whispers to me. He closes his eyes and I kiss him one more time before I kill him.*

Tears are gliding down my face. I get up and get Angel's jacket out from my closet. Then, I walk over to my night stand and get out the Claddagh ring he gave me. I sit on my bed and lay the jacket down beside me. I take the ring in both hands and examine the design. The hands *"…hands represent friendship..."*, the crown *…the crown represents loyalty…"*, and the heart *"...and the heart, well, you know."*.

I slide the ring onto my finger and lay down on my bed. I snuggle up his jacket, finding a lot of comfort. And then I break down crying.

For the first time, I had a nice sleep, with out any nightmares. Or bad memories of Angel. I know I fell asleep because when I woke up, my light was on and my mom was standing by my bed.

More, soon. Feedback goes here.

I would love the feedback, but please keep the flames to a minimum. I think this is one of my best fanfics, yet. But I know I'm going to write a lot better than this. Please send feedback!!

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