Happy birthday, Mary!  Here's a bit of fic, just for you.

I don't own 'em, blah, blah, blah.  Rated PG.  Just a bit of fluff,
non-betaed, so be nice.

*****

"The Prank"


Tracy growled to herself and kicked her flat tire.  She then hopped
around on one foot for a while swearing under her breath.  When she
could stand again, she took stock of her situation.  She was in a bad
section of Toronto, in a dark alley, at night, dressed in black
leather, late for a birthday party, with a flat tire.

Well, the party was just too important to miss, so she would just
have to hurry.  Opening the trunk, Tracy got out her tire and jack
and got to work.

After several minutes, just as she was finishing, Tracy heard slow
footsteps coming down the alley behind her.  She really didn't have
time for this.  Listening closely, she could tell that it was two
people, moving to flank her.  She stood up slowly, smoothing her
short skirt as she did.

There were two men, both bigger than her.  One had a golden glint in
his eye that she recognized from Vachon.   she thought. 
  Her vampire killing kit was in the
trunk, which was open.  She edged around to the back of her car,
trying to look as nervous as possible.  She wanted them to think she
was helpless so they would come closer.   she thought.  

She had reached the trunk and, not turning around, began to rummage
around in her bag for a stake.  As she did, the vampires moved
closer.  He hand closed on what she thought was a stake as they came
within two feet of her.

"What do you want?" she asked, making her voice high and quavery. 
"Leave me alone."

"Aw, come on, honey," one of them said in what he probably thought
was a sexy voice.  "You know you want us."

Tracy could feel him trying to tug at her mind, but it didn't have
any effect except to annoy her.  Quickly moving toward him, she
pulled her stake out and shoved it at his chest.

It collapsed with a squeak.

Looking down, she saw she had a rubber dog bone in her hand.   she thought frantically.  She looked into
the vampire's face, and, luckily, he seemed as stunned as her. 
Dropping the dog toy, she shoved both vampires, then reached behind
her again, trying to get a crucifix.

She pulled out a rubber chicken.

This was not good.  A rubber chicken did not seem to repel vampires. 
It confused them briefly, it seemed, but they quickly recovered. 
They moved toward her again, cautiously.  

She threw the chicken at them, which they easily dodged.  Afraid to
turn her back on then, she reached blindly behind her, trying to get
her bottle of holy water this time.

Ketchup.

Who ever had done this was going to die.

The vampires had stopped coming toward her.  They looked at each
other, then one of them spoke.

"You're nuts, lady!" he said, then they both took to the air.

Once she was sure they were gone, Tracy flung the condiment bottle to
the ground, then whirled around to look in her trunk.

The entire contents on her vampire killing duffel had been replaced
by miscellaneous junk, none of it actually useful for killing
vampires.  Except maybe through laughter.  She rummaged through the
bag, pulling out tinsel, stuffed toys, a garden gnome, plastic
flowers, a party hat ... and a bunch of rubber rats.

"Screed!"  she yelled to the empty alley.  "I'll get you, and your
little ratsies, too!"

With a snarl, she shoved it all back into the bag.  She'd take care
of the rat-sucker later.  Right now she had a birthday party to get
to.

*****

The End.

*****

Happy birthday, Mary!

=====
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