"Abracadabra! This is another Dark Perkulator Story." I shout in triumph.

"How does she do it?" Whispers an astonished member of our studio audience.

"Why does she do it?" Snickers a more cynical asocial member.

Grinning at the first, yet somehow still glaring at the latter, I produce from the voluminous sleeve of my wizard’s robe…my brand new story…

It has the third season’s cast, no real spoilers. <g>

I don't own FK and am not making any money...I'm in this for the fame! <g>

Permission to archive granted.

By: Cousin Mary (Jenkins)

Lacroix sat at the bar with a glass of his finest. His cold blue eyes slowly took in the patrons of his club. Vampires and humans mingled beneath the pulsating lights, writhing in time to the throbbing music. His eyes left the dance floor and traveled along the tables and booths that lined the walls. Couples and small groups clustered together for social drinking and inane chatter. He sighed; he was bored.

Things were nearly cordial with Nicholas, and he didn’t want to destroy the fragile new affinity between them. Which meant, he really had nothing to do. He surveyed the crowd again, this time noting something of interest…Tracy Vetter. Sitting in a back booth, alone, was his son’s partner. The ancient vampire was more than a little intrigued. He had wanted to meet this woman for awhile now, but had never seen her alone before. She’d always been with someone, either Nicholas, or more likely, that scruffy Spaniard. She was truly a lovely little thing. Well, she was alone now. He decided to make her acquaintance.

Just then the doors to the Raven swung open with a crash and an unruly pair walked in. Tracy Vetter’s friends had entered the building.

Jean Stauts stepped into the club, she’d never been there before but…God, she didn’t know why! This was her sort of place! Her wide brown eyes were taking in the scene before her. What she saw were many bad tattoos! "Damn, These people need my help." She said. Jean herself wore a tight leather mini-dress; not for sex appeal so much as tattoo exposure, she had 211. At the top of her five-foot frame was bright green hair, at her feet were a pair of scared combat boots, almost everything in between was tattooed. Her exposed arms were covered with tattooed sleeves, as were her legs, combinations of several different motifs. She was an artist, but these people had obviously been going to a complete idiot! That guy over there…was that supposed to be an eagle on his chest, or a pigeon? "Damn." She sighed; there was nothing more tragic than a bad tattoo!

"There she is!" Pointed a very pregnant Mave at a back booth and a waving Tracy.

"Great!" Gushed Jean, and the friends made their way toward the third member of their group. Jean stopping occasionally to pass out a few of her business cards to the more desperately marred patrons, maybe she could help?

Mave and Jean slid into the booth next to Tracy. They were supposed to be meeting Vachon but… he hadn’t showed. Tracy was more than a little annoyed by the fact. She asked him to do –one- thing; come to meet her friends. And he couldn’t even manage that! But she dismissed those bitter thoughts. Her friends were here and she was going to have a good time!

"Hey Button!" Greeted Jean.

Tracy growled, but smiled. "Don’t call me that!"

Mave laughed, "Yeah, She never did like that!" She continued laughing until tears ran down her cheeks. "I can’t believe she’s a cop now!"

"Gee, Mave don’t cry!" Tracy blushed bright red.

"I can’t help it!" She whined. "I’m pregnant, my body is against me!"

Jean laughed, "But at least you’re glowing!"

Mave glared at her. Her freckled face was rimmed with red curls. Mave Peters –was- very pregnant. She actually looked quite wholesome. The thing that was worrying Tracy though was what she wore, not that it was revealing. But over her stretch pants was an over sized T-shirt that proclaiming ‘I spend my nights with the Nightcrawler.’ Tracy knew that the Nightcrawler was actually Lucien Lacroix, ancient vampire, and also owner of the Raven.

‘Oh well,’ Tracy dismissed her worries, what were the chances he would bother with them? She turned her attention back to the table and chatted happily with her two best friends. Eventually a waitress came over and asked for their orders.

"Vodka martini!" Proclaimed the exuberant Jean.

"Can I get a cranberry juice?" Asked Tracy. The waitress raised an eyebrow… not a usual request. "You know, a vodka and cranberry juice sans vodka?" She asked in a small voice, she didn’t drink alcohol but felt foolish asking for juice in a vampire bar anyway.

"Me too!" Chirped Mave.

The waitress rolled her eyes but nodded anyway, leaving the strange women to their conversation. By the time the drinks arrived the trio were happily recounting some of their youthful misdeeds.

Tracy was having a great time, as were her friends. She was just about to start the story of her particularly bizarre weekend stint working undercover as a circus clown when someone walked up to their table. Lucien Lacroix! ‘Great,’ she thought. This was just what they needed; they should have met at a bowling alley or something!

"Hello Ms. Vetter." Lacroix greeted, he had decided this little gathering seemed most diverting.

"Ah, hello Mr. Lacroix." Tracy said, her eyes wide at the sight of the ancient vampire addressing her. She took in the tailored black suit, sword pin and charming smile. He really –was- a handsome man! "What can I do for you?" She asked, trying to sound both polite and distant.

"I thought it would be remiss if I did not greet Nicholas’s partner." Lacroix stated, raising an eyebrow at the blonde. Had she just looked him over? He decided to give her the same treatment, taking in her smart mauve suit, blonde hair and fetching visage.

Tracy reluctantly made the introductions all around. And was quite taken aback when Lacroix sat joined them in their booth.

"Ohmygod!" Squeaked Mave. "You’re the Nightcrawler!"

Lacroix looked and saw naked adoration on the face of a very pregnant woman.

"That’s quite right my dear lady." Bringing Mave’s hand to his lips. The red head nearly fainted. He sat back and listened as Mave began singing his praises.

"I’d –love- to do you!" Proclaimed Jean.

Lacroix’s head snapped up with a start. "What?!" How indelicate!

"I mean tattoo you!" The petite Jean hopped to her feet and stood before him. "You’re so pale!" She gushed, "It’d be great! You ever have any work done before?" She inquired.

"I can’t believe you know the Nightcrawler!" Mave told Tracy, grinning from ear to ear. "I listen to him almost every night!"

Lacroix, always one to enjoy praise, was torn. Stay and listen to his fan, or beat a hasty retreat from the tattooed menace?

"Back in my single days I used to…" Mave went pale.

"Mave?" Tracy inquired. "Are you alright?"

Mave shook her head. "Ah… no." She laughed lightly. "My water just broke."

Lacroix jumped up in shock. So did everyone at the table.

"God!" Jean said. "Call an ambulance!" She shouted into the crowd.

"No time." Mave whispered. She’d been having contractions off and on for the past week, but the doctor had said she wasn’t due for another three weeks and that she shouldn’t worry. So she hadn’t been too concerned about the ones tonight, but with all the excitement of seeing the old gang…"It’s coming now!"

"Is there a back room?" Tracy asked a stunned Lacroix.

"Ah, Yes… over there." The vampire pointed, he looked quite overwhelmed. He could hear the muscles contracting, both mother’s and child’s rapid heart beats…

As they moved Mave into Lacroix’s office Lacroix leaned over and asked Tracy, "Have you ever delivered an infant?"

"No, have you?" Tracy whispered back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

An hour later Lucien Freedom Peters entered the world. In the end it had been Lacroix who had delivered the baby. No one else had had a clue. And once in the sixth century the master vampire -had- been present at a delivery, so Tracy had put in him charge.

When the paramedics finally arrived they escorted the healthy mother and child to the hospital. Only one person was allowed to ride in the ambulance with them and Jean had gone. This left a very tired, very dirty Lacroix in his office with Tracy.

"I can’t believe you did that!" Grinned Tracy at the ancient vampire.

At first he regarded her with some haughtiness, but after a second his face broke out into a huge grin. Well he certainly wasn’t bored anymore! He had delivered a baby! She had even named it after him! "I have many talents." He told her with some amusement.

"You certainly do!" Tracy laughed. "I’m going to drive over to the hospital now." She told him. "Thanks." She leaned up and kissed his cheek, "You were incredible." She whispered.

With that she left. Leaving a bemused Lacroix in her wake.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Okay, I took some liberties with Tracy’s past. But here’s my rationalization…remember how Tracy said she had a friend who was really into tattoos? =That’s Jean.(g)