Cordelia pulled her car up to the entrance of the parking lot to the Burly Girly and killed the engine. "This is it," she said morosely.
"Well, go on in," Buffy said in exasperation.
"Not me. I have a reputation to worry about here. You guys have nothing to lose. Nothing worth losing, anyway."
"Uh --" Buffy looked at the plain building with the big Country and Western type sign up front. "What does this place have that Lolita's didn't? Besides electricity, I mean."
Xander was grinning foolishly. Willow elbowed him hard in the ribs. "It's one of those places," she said, and threw the car door open to step out. Buffy did the same.
"One of what places?"
Willow tried to shut the door on Xander. "You know. Where boys aren't allowed."
Xander wrestled with her for control of the door. "Then what's the G-Man doing here?"
"Ummm, Sanctuary?" Willow tried weakly. But Xander had won this round. He scrambled out.
"All right. You wait for us, Cordelia," Buffy said. "We'll try not to be gone long."
Cordelia fished a pair of sunglasses out of her glove compartment and slouched way down in her seat. "I'll wait," she said. "Jeez, the things I'll do for people I know."
The three teens made their way through the crowded parking lot. A big sign over the front entrance solved at least one mystery. "Ho-Down! Mixed Couples Night! Midnight Cowgirl Madness!" A line of people -- men and women -- in country and western garb were lined up waiting to go in. A small group of scuzzily trendy types, bristling with cameras, hung around a golden Rolls Royce that had been parked near the door.
Buffy, Willow, and Xander joined the line. "Wow," Willow said, peering at the car. "Who do you suppose is here?"
"Just about everybody in Sunnydale from the looks of things," Buffy said. "Doesn't anybody do anything useful Friday nights? Besides us, of course." They came up to the door.
A big lady bouncer in a Stetson looked at the three of them with amusement. "Kiddy show's not 'til tomorrow, babes," she said. "Scram."
"We're not that young," Xander said, highly offended.
"Let's see some I.D., then."
"We were just here to meet someone," Willow said.
"Yeah, yeah. You kids head over to the Bronze," she said. "Come back in a couple of years. When you actually have drivers licenses."
"I can drive," Xander whined.
She pointed them out of the line. They meekly obeyed.
"Well, now what?" Willow said. "You think Giles is even here?"
"There's a black Thunderbird parked over there," Xander said.
"Spike's here." Buffy pulled the stake out of her bag. "That's good enough for me. You guys stay here. I'm going to try to find a way in out back."
The Material Girl hauled Giles unceremoniously through the dance crowd, her vanguard shoving the way clear for them. The pulsing strains of her Golden Oldie abruptly cut to a new tune, still warbled with the same voice.
Her expression brightened considerably. "Much better," she declared. "That little bitch better not have any Aspirations, 'cause she just smoked them."
Roland appeared back at her other elbow. "You want me to talk to her about the rest of the night's playlist?"
"Nah -- nobody's here tonight. It's a big Yawn." She tightened her grip on Giles' arm. "Let's cut on out. I've found a date for tonight."
Giles dug his feet in. "Now look here, Miss --"
"Be a good boy. Do what you're told," she said. And kissed him. Hard.
However dubious the rest of her talents, she was apparently Mistress of the Kiss. He lost track of his lungs and vocal cords somewhere in the transaction.
"Hey!" a Lili-like voice shouted from above. "You keep your tongue off my boyfriend, you -- you -- you -- Floozy."
"Oooh, hit a nerve there," the Floozy gloated.
"I'm not her boyfriend," Giles gasped.
Aluminum cans and stale doughnuts pelted down on them and on the dancers in the immediate vicinity.
"Owww, you bitch!" The Material Girl grabbed Giles by the necktie and hauled him out towards the door. "This place is getting way too declassé. Round up the guys, Roland. We're moving out."
The two vampires posted by the door seemed taken aback by the posse that came out around him; in any case, they didn't interfere with the Star's departure. She was oblivious to them, all her attention focusing in like a hawk on the photographers gathered by a gold Rolls Royce that had been parked by the entrance.
"Photo opportunity!" she chirped to her bodyguards. "Let 'em at me, boys."
The bodyguards hastily cleared away, and she hauled Giles down by his necktie and went for his tonsils by way of his mouth again. They were immediately subjected to a wash of flashing lights.
"Wha--" he gasped, when she finally let him up for air.
"Relax, darling," she said with a self-satisfied smile. "It's just the boys from the tabloids."
"Tabloids?"
"Oh, won't you beasts just leave me in peace," she screamed at the photographers, who kept snapping merrily away. She strode angrily towards them, her bodyguards hard on her heels. Apparently forgotten, Giles inched his way out towards the back of the pack.
"Giles!" a welcome voice sounded out to him from somewhere close by.
He looked about, finally spotting Willow's red hair over by the front door. Xander was standing next to her. The boy was gaping at him in astonishment. Damn, they must have caught that last interaction. He'd never hear the end of it; that is, assuming that the tabloids didn't publish those photographs and cause him to be hounded out of Sunnydale High from sheer embarrassment.
Regardless, he made his way through the last of the crowd. "Where's Buffy?" he panted when he made it through to them.
"Owww, wha, uh -- out back. Trying to get -- in," Xander managed.
"Spike's here," Willow said.
"I know Spike's here. Spike's been bloody well 'here' everywhere I've been tonight."
"Why are you wearing a cowboy hat?" She had suddenly noticed his headgear.
Giles sighed and collected what was left of his composure. "It's been one of those nights, Willow." He placed the hat on her head.
"Oh." Her eyes suddenly widened as she stared over his shoulder. "Oh!"
He looked back and swore. "Go, get Buffy!" He gave Willow a quick shove towards Xander and dodged over in the opposite direction.
A vamped-out Spike and three of his henchmen stood at the entrance. The henchmen had hesitated in the face of the pack of people out front, at least a third of who were wielding cameras, but Spike zeroed in on Giles.
He lunged forward with a lethal speed, seized the Watcher by the coat and threw him across the hood of the Rolls. "Get the car," he screamed back at his henchmen.
An ermine-draped arm locked around Spike's throat and pulled him off. The Material Girl swung the vampire around, drew back her other fist and punched him in the nose. "Hey, you asshole, that's my date," she shouted at him, and kicked him in the stomach with a stiletto-heeled foot.
Giles scrambled to his feet and looked around. Willow and Xander were maneuvering in the background, trying to come to his aid. He motioned at them frantically to retreat.
Spike had seized the ankle of the Material Girl and sent her tumbling. Her pack of bodyguards leapt to her defense, piling on top of the vampire in a scrimmage.
Somewhere on the periphery, camera shutters were popping.
Giles turned to run towards Willow and Xander, found himself cut off by two of the henchmen, veered off in the opposite direction, jumping over Spike in the process. Spike snatched at him, missed, and came up after him, sending bodyguards flying.
Giles ran for the club, towards the bouncer who was standing in the middle of the pavement, her arms waving. She took one look at what was coming up behind him and abruptly gave up the effort, racing wildly for the door.
He felt the full weight of the vampire hit him. They tumbled to the pavement in a thrashing pile.
Spike half collapsed on him and let loose of his throat to counter some foreign attack. Giles scooted back and landed a kick to Spike's head. Cursing, the vampire lunged at him, only to have his second adversary recommence her attack at his back.
"You leave my boyfriend alone!" Lili was yelling at him as she pounded at his ears with her fists.
Spike grabbed her by one wrist, stood, and threw her backwards against the wall of the building. Her head cracked back against the brick. "Owww-ww," Lili whimpered piteously.
"What is it with you people?" Spike snarled down at her in somewhat stunned incomprehension.
Poor Spike," Giles thought groggily, as he pushed his way to his feet. He just isn't getting the kind of respect that he's used to these days. He jumped the vampire from behind.
Spike growled, reached back, and easily pitched him to the ground again. He bent down to pick the Watcher up, and froze. "They won't learn," he hissed.
Copper was at the door to the club, the baseball bat slung across her shoulder as she eyed Spike up and down with a predatory look in her eye. "Don't touch him," she said.
She looked so like the Slayer in stance, demeanor, and little girl toughness that apparently even the vampire was struck by the resemblance. "Girl," he said, straightening. "Mind your own business."
She held her ground. Her arms tensed for a swing.
"Oh, Jesus H." Suddenly Giles found the Material Girl attached to his arm again. "This is really getting so old."
Lili crawled to her knees. "Rupert!" she yelled.
"Come on." Before he knew it, he was on his feet, being hustled by several bodyguards towards the Rolls. One luckless vampire tried to intercept them and was promptly flattened for his efforts.
"Don't you dare --" Lili's protest was cut off by the slam of the car door.
"Drive, Roland," the Material Girl said, shoving Giles over to the other side of the back seat. Bodyguards piled in around them. "I'm not about to get stuck in the middle of another fight."
"Rupert!" the brunette in the white dress continued to wail. Her red-headed defender took advantage of Spike's distraction to land a good crack across the back of his skull with the baseball bat. He spun, knocked the bat out of her hands, and seized her by the throat.
"No, Will --" Xander tried to stop her, but Willow knew she had to do this before she lost her nerve. She darted in, grabbed the baseball bat, and gave Spike still another clout with it.
He dropped the young woman and turned. Willow backed up, nervously clutching the bat. "I'm really sorry about that," she said, wondering what was possessing her to apologize. He had looked so hurt though, for a moment.
"You . . ." Spike shook a finger at her, paused, then snarled out a really bad expletive. Willow blushed.
The Rolls Royce peeled out with an ear-piercing squeal of the tires.
"I'll be back for you and your friends." Spike gestured angrily at his henchmen, and the vampires ran for their Thunderbird. "Get that Rolls."
"Oh, no," Willow said.
"Willow, are you all right?" Xander caught her by the arm and steadied her.
"He's really angry. We've got to catch up with Giles again before he does."
"They're gone, Will."
"Yeah, in a gold Rolls Royce with the license plate '25 KARAT'. Real hard to track," the red-headed surfer-girl said over her shoulder as she helped her brunette friend up.
"She stole my boyfriend," her friend said incredulously. She was rubbing the back of her head. "Oh, no. What am I going to tell Jenny? She doesn't even know I borrowed him."
"Com'on, Lili. We'll get him back. It isn't as if we didn't know where they're going."
"What happened?" Buffy came storming onto the scene, stake brandished.
"Well, there was this rock star and Giles and Spike and his henchmen and a lot of cowboys and those photographers over there and everybody but the photographers have left now," Xander said.
Buffy looked at the photographers and hastily stuffed the stake in her bag.
"She took Rupert. He's doomed," Lili wept. "Oh, Copper, what's going to happen to him?"
"Well, for one, he's gonna be a guest at one of Primadonna's pool parties."
Lili sobbed. "Jenny's going to kill me."
Cordelia pushed her car door open and cautiously poked her head out. They were gone, vanished up the road, but they would be back. They'd already cruised by twice.
Morons. If she'd known that Philip Barlow and his friends spent their Friday nights cruising up and down the road in front of the local lesbian bar, she would have never gone out with him. As it was, though, she was going to have to do some really fast camouflage or tongues were sure to be wagging come Monday morning.
The roadside was grotesquely muddy. She shuddered as her shoes sank halfway into it, but she soldiered on to the back of her car, where she slapped a handful of the muck over her vanity license plate. This Slayerette business was beginning to conflict with her lifestyle. She was either going to have to get used to gossip, or learn to art of becoming invisible.
"As if," she muttered to herself as she stumbled towards the front of her car.
An immense Dream-Come-True Rolls Royce came thundering out of the parking lot, made a hard right, and shot off into the night. Cordelia stood staring after it with mouth agape.
The infamous black Ford Thunderbird came shrieking out after the Rolls, also hung a right, and sank into the night as well.
A minute later, Buffy came dashing out of the lot, trailed by Willow, Xander, and two strange girls.
"Go -- go -- go!" Buffy yelled at Cordelia as she threw the front door open and tumbled in.
"Hey, there's only room in here for five," Cordelia protested as she climbed into the drivers seat. She revved the engine up.
"One of the ladies can sit in my lap," Xander offered gallantly.
"Nobody invited you," Buffy yelled at the strangers.
"But do you know where they're going?" the spectacled redhead retorted with a smirk.
Buffy snarled, but made no further protest. Xander looked astonished when the young woman in the white dress crawled into his lap.
Willow slammed her door shut, and Cordelia floored the accelerator.
"Out towards the City," the red-headed girl said, craning over the seat. "She's got a vacation house over on Piedmount Ridge. Runs pool parties every Friday."
"It's all your fault, Copper," the brunette in Xander's lap wept. "She kidnapped Rupert to get back at you."
"Oh, right, Lili. Like I'm really sure that your stealing her girlfriend out from under her nose last Friday had nothing to do with it."
Lili snuffled. "I can't help it. I'm hormonally unstable. Cute people in glasses really turn me on."
Cordelia hastily took off her sunglasses and dropped them on the floor.