"Oh gods, look at them," Buffy whimpered as she peered in through La Casa Blanca's big front window. "I think I'm going to be sick, Willow. This is worse than -- well, it's just the worst."
"What's that guy eating?" Willow said.
"What?"
"The guy in the green jacket over there. What do you think he's eating?" Willow peered hard. "It looks like empanadas."
"Who cares?" Buffy grabbed her shoulder and forcibly turned her back to the two subjects currently under scrutiny.
"I'm hungry," Willow said plaintively. "And that looks good."
"Never mind. Look, you stay right here and keep an eye on them. I'm going to call Angel. And Xander." Buffy started to crash out of the bushes, stopped, then crashed back. "I'm relying on you, Willow. Don't let them do anything wiggy. Okay?"
"But what am I supposed to --" Willow sighed unhappily as Buffy hurried off towards the service station across the street. "Maybe we can go in and eat when Xander get here?" She turned back to her delegated task. For two people on a date together, Giles and Joyce sure seemed not to be having much fun -- as a matter of fact they seemed much more interested in their drinks than they were in each other. Maybe that's what happened when you got older, Willow thought uneasily. If that's what dating was like out of high school, she might as well live life like a wild woman now.
A couple coming up to the entrance caught the corner of her eye, and Willow ducked down into the bushes. Great, she thought. Wild woman. I'm gonna start with a rap sheet as a peeping tom. Peeping tomasina.
"Don't worry, nobody who goes to the high school ever eats here; it's all old people," Cordelia was saying. "Besides, it's just a meal, okay? We're both hungry. Buffy's out having fun instead of obeying you like she's supposed to. Are you going to sit around the library and starve to death? Which one of you guys is the boss anyway? She has a lot of nerve."
"I'm going to have a word with her later, mark my words," Wesley Wyndham-Price said peevishly. He stared up at the rococo trim of the restaurant facade. "Isn't this a bit posh for a 'quick bite to eat'?"
Cordelia laughed, her shrill alarming false laugh. Willow cringed at the sound and covered her ears. "It's Tex- Mex, Wesley. Just a casual meal. Relax, okay?"
"Casual meal?" Willow mouthed to herself. She craned up ever to slightly to look as the second Watcher held the door open for the girl. Cordelia was dressed in a clingy black mid-calf dress with a slit all the way up to -- well apparently Cordy wasn't wearing the usual kind of underwear. She wore a pearl necklace and had her hair piled in intricate curls on top of her head. 'Dressed to Kill' was the mode, and Wesley the apparent prey. He didn't seem to be putting up much of a struggle.
In spite of herself, Willow was beginning to get interested. She hastily moved back to the window.
A cold hand lit on the back of her neck, and she let out a yelp.
"Shhh!" said Buffy. "What's wrong with you? It's still light out." She shifted the can of Diet Coke back to her right hand and slurped. "What have they been doing?"
"Nothing." Willow turned back to the window. "Oh, the waitress brought them tortilla chips, but they aren't eating them. Giles finished his drink. I think he ordered another one. He's going to be really plastered if he keeps up at this rate. When did Angel say he'd be here?"
Buffy scowled. "Xander will be right over."
"But Angel?"
"He told me to mind my own business and quit snooping on people."
"Huh," Willow said. "He's one to talk."
"Damn right," Buffy muttered. "Besides, I'm the Slayer. My Watcher is my business, so watching my Watcher is -- is that Cordelia?"
"Sure is." Willow giggled. "Check out that dress she's wearing. Do you think she got it in town?" She turned to pry the Diet Coke can from Buffy's hand and sipped at it.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, at 'Sex at Fifth Avenue'. Omygod this evening is getting worse and worse. What the hell does she think she's doing with my Watcher?"
"Giles and Cordelia?" Willow whirled to peer through the window again. "What? Where?"
"No, Wesley. Get with the program, Will!"
"But -- but -- Giles is your Watcher. You keep saying that," Willow protested.
"Look. Wesley is like that horrible dress your grandmother gave you for Christmas that you have to wear when she comes over because that's what you're expected to wear," Buffy said. "Giles is the sexy dress that you really want to wear -- and mygod did I just say that?"
"Yep," said Willow.
"Forget what I said then -- just that they're both reflecting on me, and that reflecting is 'euwww'!"
"He bought Cordy a glass of wine," Willow said in awe. "And appetizers. Ooh, what are they? Mushrooms?"
"They haven't seen Giles yet." Buffy pressed her nose against the plate glass. "Are they blind?"
"Giles looks different in leather," Willow pointed out. "And Wesley has his back to them."
"Whatever." Buffy was smiling now in spite of her agitation. She took a long thoughtful drink of Diet Coke. "Maybe we can get a mutual wig factor going here. Break both these dates up."
"Kind of like two colliding wave fronts," Willow mused.
"Can I help you girls with anything?" a stern voice interjected.
Buffy and Willow whirled around to stare at a man who was standing by the front entrance. He was dressed in a good suit and tie, and he looked vaguely familiar to Buffy.
"Um . . . Lost purse! In the bushes here!" Buffy thumped Willow on the shoulder, pitching the unprepared redhead into the shrubbery. "Bad Willow! She was playing games. Do I know you?"
"Was not," Willow untangled herself from the scratchy branches.
"Detective Stein," the man said. "I've been over to your house on several occasions."
"Oh yeah, right." Buffy gnawed at her fingernail. "Detective Stein. Homicide Detective Stein. Oh! Who got murdered here tonight?"
He smiled at her. "Nobody. As a matter of fact, I'm here for a dinner date. Do you girls need some help?"
"Help? What for?" Buffy said blankly.
Willow yanked her purse from her hands. "Here it is!" She waved it above the bushes so Stein could see it. "I found your purse, Buffy!" She handed it back.
"Thank you, Willow," Buffy chirped.
"There you go then," Detective Stein said. He pulled the door open and motioned them in.
"Uh --" Buffy looked at Willow.
"Your mother should be here by now. I believe that's her car in the parking lot. I'm sure she won't mind if you girls join us for appetizers."
"Ooh, can I have those mushroom thingies?" Willow pushed Buffy out of the bushes and up to the door.
"'Us'?" Buffy said as they came to a halt in the foyer. Across the room, Joyce had seen them. After a hesitation, she stood up and waved at them. Giles turned around to look at them -- and broke out in an unprecedented grin.
"There, see?" Willow whispered to Buffy, as Stein walked over to Joyce. "Ha ha! Talk about jumping to conclusions."
"Oh shut up," Buffy said. "My mom's dating a cop? Detective Stein? The guy who grilled me for hours last week?"
"You said he just asked you a couple of questions."
"It seemed like hours," Buffy bitched. "This is awful, Willow. I'll bet he's dating her to spy on me. How could things get any worse? Wait! If my mother's here with Stein, who's Giles with?"
"Hi Buffy! Gee, fancy meeting you here! Thought you took all you meals out at Burger Barn," Debi Marble twittered. "Are you here with your mommy?" She grabbed each girl by the arm. Willow saw Buffy ball up her fists and she winced. To her credit though, Buffy allowed the high school secretary to haul them both into the dining room alongside her. "Mrs. Summers! I love that dress! You look so pretty. Is that a new look?"
"Buffy?" Joyce frowned at her daughter. "What are you doing here?"
"Uh, well --" Buffy began.
"I thought as long as the girls were here anyway, they might as well have an appetizer with us before they moved on," Detective Stein said, and pulled chairs out for each teen at the side of the table across from Giles. "Mr. Giles, is it? Do you mind if we join you and your friend for one course?" He sat himself down across from Joyce.
Giles was looking at Buffy suspiciously. "I don't think --"
"Fun!" Debi said, and scooted a chair in close to Giles'. "We can each order one thing, and then we'll all get to taste everything!"
"What are we doing here, you ask?" Buffy said. "We weren't spying, if that's what you think! Uhm, The disposal wasn't working! So we, uhm, were going to the grocery store for Draino! And we just happened to pass by!"
Willow kicked her in the ankle. "Buffy," she said. "The grocery store is on the other side of town."
Giles had his head in his hands.
"Do you need an aspirin, Rupert?" Debi said solicitously.
"No, no," he said. "I'm fine."
"We were going to the hardware store first, remember Willow? For a plunger?" Buffy said.
"Uh," said Willow, looking over her shoulder in fascination at Cordelia and Wesley who had suddenly alerted to the fact that they weren't 'alone' in the restaurant. Wesley looked several hairs short of fainting.
Joyce sneezed. "Excuse me," she snuffled, and sneezed again. "Are those daisies?"
"Oh!" Debi gathered her bouquet to her chest. "Are you allergic?"
Joyce nodded and sneezed again. Stein rose to offer her his handkerchief, and she smiled at him gratefully.
Across the room Wesley and Cordelia were high-tailing it towards the back of the restaurant, plates and drinks in hand. Willow looked wistfully at the plate of hors d'oeuvres in Wesley's hand.
"Here," Giles was saying. Willow turned back to watch as he took the bouquet from Debi. "I'll go ask the staff to put it in water somewhere until we're ready to leave."
"I'll help you!" Debi slid out of her chair to trail him closely towards the front of the restaurant.
Buffy twisted in her chair to peer intently after them.
"Do you need an antihistamine?" Stein was asking Joyce.
"No," she snuffled. "It's better already. Buffy?"
Buffy's attention jumped back to the table. "I know they sell plungers at the grocery store," she said. "But there's a sale at the hardware store!"
Joyce sighed. "I guess it's better that you and Kevin meet -- well meet informally -- now. I swore I wouldn't make the same mistake as last time. But this is only our first date!"
"Kevin?" Buffy said blankly.
"That's me," Detective Stein agreed.
"Oh. Kevin." Buffy forced a smile at him, then turned to her friend. "Willow. Restrooms."
Willow popped up from behind the menu she was reading. "But I don't need to --"
Buffy looked at her.
"Mrs. Summers, would you order a plate of taquitos for me if the waitress comes before I get back?" Willow said. Buffy wrapped her fingers around Willow's upper arm and dragged her out of her chair and towards the restrooms.