"Well, well, look what just popped out of the larder."
Buffy halted in her tracks and stared in horror at what had materialized at the dinner table in her absence.
Giles looked similarly nonplussed, but he stepped forward anyway. "Debi, are you all right? There was a mess in the kitchen --"
She nodded and munched down a forkful of salad. "Boy, don't I know it. The weirdest things go on behind the closed doors of places, you know? This salad is great! You want a bite?"
Giles looked over at his old seat, which (though empty) was now smack next to Drusilla. "May I . . .?" he asked Detective Stein. Stein nodded and scooted over to make way. Giles pulled a chair up close to Debi and sat, resolutely pretending that the other side of the table didn't exist.
"What are you doing here?" Buffy said to Spike. "I hope you don't have some crazy idea that we're going to be allies from now on out. And I told you to stay away from my Mom and my friends."
"Buffy!" Joyce said. "Where's your manners? I invited Spike and his fiance to join us."
Spike smirked. "Listen to your mum, ducks. Me and Dru have business with the owner here. Be a nice girly, and I'll ask him to give you a free ice cream."
The waitress sauntered by with a tray of drinks. She set another round of margaritas before Giles and Debi, gave Willow another beer, and set two drinks in front of Spike.
"That had better be tomato juice in that," Buffy growled at Spike. Then, "Bloody Mary?!"
"I like a good Bloody Mary!" Spike said. He gave Dru one of the drinks. "There's your Shirley Temple, pet."
"She was so pretty!" Drusilla enthused, poking at her drink with the straw. "Like a doll. I wanted to add her to my collection, but Spike was a meanie and wouldn't let me."
Joyce grimaced in sympathy. "Men. They can collect their beer cans and baseball cards, but when it comes to our collecting dolls . . . I know this antique dealer in town. I'll bet I can . . ."
"Mom," Buffy said tightly.
"Now Dru," Spike said with a forced smile. "We made a square deal about that. You gave up your fancy, and I gave up mine."
"Well, yours was a grown lady," Dru pouted. She looked up at Giles and smiled wickedly.
"Spike?" Joyce frowned at him.
"I had a crush on Jean Harlow, luv," Spike said soothingly. "And Dru fancied Shirley Temple, all right? Not like it was up close and personal."
"Oh, well," Joyce said with a relieved smile. "I've always thought that William Powell was very handsome. Isn't it odd how we can carry a torch for movie stars who were famous before we were born?"
"She had such a sweet little pout," Drusilla said. "There were all those bodyguards in the way though."
"I got rousted by Antonio Banderas's bodyguard once," Debi said. "All I was trying to do was give him this picture I drew for him. Do you know Drusilla, Rupert?"
Giles was well into his fourth margarita of the evening. "We've met."
"Then I'll give her fair warning to stop before I slug her for making eyes at my boyfriend," the secretary snarled.
"He's a good kisser," Dru said thoughtfully. "You don't want to lose him."
Buffy's mouth dropped open.
Nobody said anything for a long moment. Willow and Xander exchanged looks. "So! Who's up for fajitas?" Willow finally said. "Anybody? We get a discount if we order the El Presidente Platter!"
"I thought we were just staying for appetizers?" Xander said mournfully.
"Hey, guys!" Angel hurried up to the table, with Giles' leather jacket folded under one arm. He had several long scratches on his chin. "I was waiting for you and -- where did you come from?"
"My Angel!" Drusilla cooed. She rose from her chair and threw her arms around his neck.
"Boy, she gets around, doesn't she?" Debi commented as she toyed with the straw in her drink.
"Dru, he's got his Jiminy Cricket on board this time," Spike growled.
She pulled back and frowned at Angel. "Well tell it to go away."
"Get your ho hands off him, or I'm going to do worse than slug you," Buffy said as she rose from her chair.
Drusilla tossed her head, smiled evilly, and slipped a hand down the back of Angel's pants. "He's much tighter in leather," she purred.
Buffy grabbed her pointed stick and started towards Dru.
Spike lunged snarling from his seat to grab at the stick in Buffy's hands. "Not in this century, bitch!"
"Look again, Billy!" Buffy yelled back, and hauled back on the stick. "The century's just about up!"
"Stop it, both of you!" Joyce grabbed the middle of the stick and twisted it out of both their grasps. "Now sit down and behave."
"Nancy boy can't stand up for himself," Spike sneered. "Has to have his girlfriend do all his fighting for him."
"Don't start on me, Spike." Angel peeled Drusilla off his chest.
"Boys," Joyce said. "We're supposed to be having a nice enjoyable dinner tonight. Sit down, Spike!"
"I didn't start it," Spike grumbled as he lowered himself into his seat. "He started it."
She looked sternly at Angel.
"I just got here!" Angel said.
"You broke Dru's heart. Left us without so much as a by- your-leave," Spike said.
"I was pining," Dru agreed. "Spike knows."
"For bloody week upon bloody week. Nothing but 'Where's my Angel? When's my Angel coming back to us?' Enough to make a bloke want to puke."
"We were a family!" Drusilla glared at her paramour. "You just weren't very nice to him." She wrapped her arms around Angel again and peered up into his eyes with a look that should have been soulful.
"That wasn't me!" Angel protested, looking frantically about at his audience. "I mean -- I wasn't myself!"
"Oh, we know what you mean!" Xander looked quite happy. "Let's see -- you were your own evil twin!"
"Rupert?" Debi snagged Giles' arm as he stood up. "Where are you going?"
"The bar," he said. "For another margarita."
"I'll come with you."
"Oh god, here we go again." Buffy grabbed her stick and started to rise, then hesitated, looking at Angel.
"It's okay," Angel told her as he once again detached Drusilla from his person. "I've got her under control. Go keep an eye on them."
"Buffy!" Joyce beckoned her daughter over. Buffy hesitated, glowered once at Drusilla, craned up to catch a glimpse of Giles and Debi, then sidled over to her mother's chair. "Mom --"
"It's none of my business --" Joyce began.
"Good!" Buffy turned to go, but Joyce grabbed her by the wrist. "-- but you're my daughter and I'm concerned. Don't you think that your Watcher might have just a teensy weensy little problem with alcohol?"
Buffy eyed the three empty sangria glasses in front of her mother's place. "Mom, he's fine."
"I'm just concerned, Buffy," Joyce said.
"Mom," she said with a tight smile. "Can I get the bartender to get you or -- Kevin -- anything?"
"Another Dos Equis would hit the spot, thanks," Detective Stein said from the opposite chair.
"What's wrong, Rupert?" Debi pleaded. She was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry I said I was going to sock her. I didn't know she was an old girlfriend."
"She's not --" Giles halted in front of the bar and took several deep centering breaths. "It's not you, Debi. It's --" He spotted Buffy peering at them from the end of the bar. "Come on." He grabbed Debi by the hand and pulled her through a beaded curtain leading to the back dining room. "It's not you," he continued, once they had a modicum of privacy again. "Please, please, believe me when I say that you're the one spot of light in an otherwise loathsome evening."
She looked up at him with large glistening eyes. Her lower lip trembled.
"Debi --"
"I tried," she whispered to him. "What did I do wrong? Should we go now? Should I make friends with your ex- girlfriend? Tell me how to do it right!"
Giles hesitated, then pulled her into his arms and gently kissed her on the lips.
"Oh," Debi said and smiled back. She grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled him in for a deeper kiss.
"Do you guys mind? People are trying to eat here."
They pulled apart. Giles shut his eyes. "I beg your pardon, Cordelia," he said loudly.
"Go rent a room or something," she said. "Gawd."
He looked over at her and her companion, who was currently hiding behind a rattling menu. Other than the four of them, the back dining room was blissfully unoccupied. "Perhaps we can settle in here," he suggested to Debi. "The evening may be salvageable after all."
"I'm sorry," Cordelia said indignantly, "but we were here first."
"I wasn't proposing to take over your table," Giles replied. He took Debi by the hand and led her to a small table on the other side of the room. Cordelia glared at them.
"Now what?" Cordy's 'date' said in a panicked tone of voice. "I'm supposed to be at the library attending to my Sacred Duty. If he discovers me here --"
"So what?" she said irritably. "You're the Watcher. What's the point of being in charge if it doesn't get you any perks? Will you look at me when I'm talking to you?" She grabbed at the menu, but Wesley fended her off.
"I'm trying to decide on an order," he said with a desperation-tinged stubborness.
"We've already ordered! Oh great, here come the Marines."
Wesley risked a peek over the menu top, and his eyes widened. "Oh no!" Cordelia lunged to keep him from ducking under the table, but Buffy had strode on past them before his impulse to take cover could translate itself into action.
"Are you hiding from me?" Buffy yelled. Her hair looked mussed, and she had a wild look in her eye. "Am I that horrible that my own Watcher is trying to get away from me?"
"I didn't know that you were here!" Wesley said, popping out from behind his menu.
"Shut up, Wesley, I wasn't talking to you," Buffy growled at him, and turned her attention back to the couple at the other table. "There are vampires in this restaurant! And you're scuttling away leaving us to fend for ourselves while you chow down back here on nacho chips and tequila? People are talking, Giles!"
"Who's talking?" Giles said indignantly.
"Now just one minute!" Wesley stood and straightened his jacket. "Where have you been, young lady? We had an appointment for this afternoon. Must I remind you yet again that I am your Watcher, not Mr. Giles?"
"There you go," Giles said. "Mr. Wyndham-Price will take care of Spike and Drusilla for you."
"Spike and Drusilla?" Wesley's face fell. "Weren't they the master vampires that you --"
"Yeah, yeah," Buffy said in an irate flurry. "Spike's sucking up to my Mom, Giles! Do you know how wigsome that is?"
He sighed. "I thought you explained Spike to her."
"I did. Angel did. She's still treating him like some care bear with fangs."
"Hey, that's my quip!" Cordelia protested.
"Buffy, he's been very pragmatic in a hooligan sort of way in the past. Don't leave him alone with her, and I'm sure he'll behave himself."
"That's not the point!" Buffy insisted. "You're supposed to be out there keeping an eye on things. You know -- watching?"
"Why do you persist in treating me as if I wasn't here?" Wesley stomped up to the table. "I'm the officially designated Watcher. Do you have no respect for tradition or protocol? Do you know how many years of my life I've sacrificed to prepare myself to lead you into battle? I could have been an engineer! An actor! A-a writer!"
Buffy blinked at him, momentarily rattled out of her tirade. "You write?"
"Journals of it! And poetry." Wesley took a deep breath to steady his shaking voice. "I could have forgone the Sacred Duty like my ne'er-do-well cousins. They're off making money hand over fist in North Sea oil." He laughed bitterly. "And does my family lavish praise on me for picking up the gauntlet when so many others have left it lying? Do I ever hear a word of appreciation for my sacrifice? But I do get the Call! And now does my Slayer listen to anything I tell her? Does she offer me even the token respect of addressing me as her Watcher?"
"No," Buffy said. "Look, I'm sorry you're not getting any ego-boo, Wes. You think I ever got a plaque saying 'Job Well Done' from the Watchers Council? They're a bunch of ingrates. Deal."
"Buffy," Giles prompted. "Obviously you and Wesley need to talk some things out. Why don't you take him into the next room and have a heart-to-heart?"
"You'd think they'd give me a car or something," she continued. "Or Giles; he should have an Audi by now, at least."
"Maybe a Maserati," Giles mused.
"Ooh!" Debi said. "No, a fire red 1967 Shelby Cobra. So who are these Watcher guys and why are they so cheap? Are they, like, birders or something?"
Cordelia was hovering behind Wesley now, trying to lure him back to the table. "But you have money in the family, right Wesley? So you don't have to go out and make a living? Or take a job as a librarian or something?"
"Yeah, Wesley." Buffy eyed him with sudden interest. "Just what are you living off of right now?"
"I'm certain that the Council arranged for a stipend," Giles said. "Since they haven't appeared to have secured him a job first."
"I was told to come straight over!" Wesley said. "An emergency, they said! And why should I have to work a second job? Being Watcher is a full-time duty."
"They made Giles pay his own way." Buffy scowled at Wesley, then sat down at Giles' table, next to him. "Go make smoochie eyes with Cordelia, Wesley. I'm going to hang with my Watcher."
"Come on, Wesley." Cordelia tugged at his elbow. "We don't need these losers."
"I won't! She's going to have to accept the reality of the situation sooner or later!" Wesley insisted. "Like it or not, Mr. Giles has been fired. Even if you refuse to accept that, you still need me to deal with the Council. You need the resources that the Council has to hand. Now I've been more than reasonable in allowing Mr. Giles to hang on in an advisory capacity. I'll thank you to respond in kind by giving me the recognition and respect I'm due."
Buffy opened her mouth to respond, only to be jostled hard in the ribs by Giles' elbow. She shut her mouth again and glared.
"Anybody want to bring me up to speed?" Debi said plaintively. "Or should I just go order up another margarita?"
"I don't know about you, but I'm going to get pissed." Cordelia turned and flounced out towards the bar.
"Cordelia!" Wesley called out after her. He dithered a moment, but finally turned back to the table and sat, his face a study in dejection. "Will nothing go as it should in this godforsaken place?"
"Debi, go keep Cordelia company for a few minutes," Giles suggested to his date. "I promise I'll tell you as much as I can about the situation later."
"Okay." Debi sighed and picked up her purse. "Promise me that we'll get to do some dancing later?"
He smiled and nodded at her.
She sighed again and followed Cordelia out through the beaded curtain.