The entry began: "First officer’s personal log, Stardate 51813.4..."

That was only seven days ago!

It continued: "Maybe it would be best as the tracer said, to forget about Kellin and the time see spent here."

The tracer? Who or what was that? And Kellin? He didn’t remember anyone named Kellin!

His eyes read on: "But I don’t want to do that. I want to remember."

He sank back into his chair, closing his eyes. I want to remember, the words said. Written in his handwriting. He sat, rereading the unknown words about unknown people and events. Quickly he flipped through the lengthy entry; the entire account filled over twenty pages!

He stopped, hesitating from reading any further; but his curiosity got the better of him. The intriguing story unfolded, filled with as many questions as answers. The narrative was about a woman from Ramura, a society that exists cloaked from the rest of the universe. It seems that when the race encounters other beings, it erases memories of the Ramurian existence and their contact.

The words leapt up from the page. The more he read, the more he knew why he had addressed it as a personal log; for it described, in great detail, a deep physical and emotional relationship between himself and this woman, Kellin. There had been two encounters with her, separated by about a month. Now, each event was expunged even from his deepest subconscious.

He read the last words in the entry:

"And so, here I sit writing these words, hoping to capture the beauty of this remarkable woman, and the love we shared. Even as I write, I am beginning to forget the details of her face; her voice. But her touch is still vivid in my mind... her warm lips anointing my weary face and hands, promising love and devotion. Kellin..."

Her name was the last thing entered, as the writing faded into a long indistinguishable word, giving a final punctuation to the mystery.

Chakotay could not even remember putting the journal in the bottom of this drawer.

He turned to the computer terminal on his desk.

"Computer, make a search for any mention of the planet Ramura."

A brief period and barely audible noise came from the instrument in front of him.

"There is no known data about a planet Ramura."

"Search for the name ‘Kellin’ anywhere in our data banks."

"There is no known data about a reference ‘Kellin’."

Another idea surfaced in his mind. He hit his comm badge; the doctor’s voice responded.

"Are you all right, Commander?" he inquired in his best bedside manner.

"Yes, I’m fine. But, I have a question for you. Is it possible for you to examine my quarters for DNA patterns that you can match against all your stored files of such records?"

"I suppose so. But, what do you want... "

Chakotay interrupted him. "Doctor, I’m interested in seeing if I had have had any visitors that I knew nothing about."

"Hmm. Most unusual. All right, I’ll be there momentarily."

Chakotay went over to the chair which had been depicted in his narrative, where the two of them had obviously been in close contact. The bed was another matter, he grimaced. But, the bed linens had been cleansed at least twice since the described incident. Yes, the chair should have residual molecules of the unique protein structures...

A buzz at the door.

"Yes... come in, Doctor."

"Hmmmph. This is a most unusual request, Commander."

"Humor me," said the darker man, as the EMH readied his instrument. "Here... please check this chair," he continued, leading the doctor to the piece of furniture.

The hologram proceeded with his scan. As the readings were processed and his eyes followed the rapidly appearing data on the instrument’s monitor, his brow furrowed with concern.

"Commander, I am getting some unusual readings, but they are not decoding into a recognizable form. While it seems there is something present resembling an alien DNA structure, the computer quickly deletes its existence. Does this make any sense to you?"

Chakotay let out his breath, not realizing that he had been holding it.

"Yes, this does. Doctor, would you be so kind to document your findings, including your comments?"

"Of course."

"I would like to recall them when I talk with the captain."

The doctor looked at him, puzzled.

"She has not spoken with you yet?" the EMH asked.

"No," Chakotay sheepishly answered. "She is probably just as reluctant to address this subject as I am."

"I’m sure," the doctor answered curtly. He was gathering his equipment together as he continued, "Well... do you have any further needs of me, Commander?"

The first officer sighed, knowing now that he had to face his commanding officer, with a rather preposterous story. But at least now he had a little more physical evidence to support his story.

"That’s all for right now. And, doc... thanks again for your help," he said, escorting the EMH to the door.

No sooner had the sliding panels closed than an icy voice emanated from his comm badge.

"Commander Chakotay, please come to my ready room. Now." The imposing voice of Captain Kathryn Janeway had summoned him to his fateful inquisition.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven pairs of eyes moved in unison, following Chakotay’s short trek across the bridge from the closing doors of the turbolift to the unknown that lay behind the doors of the captain’s ready room. He acknowledged his fellow bridge officers with silent, perfunctory nods, keeping his eyes focused in a straight line in front of him.

The ship had been rampant with rumors all day long as to the reason behind the first officer’s relief from duty and the captain’s obvious umbrage. In the four years of Voyager’s Delta Quadrant journey, the crew had silently observed a deepening relationship between their two senior officers. Although stories were frequently spun and then quickly dismantled regarding the depth of affection the pair had for one another, Janeway and Chakotay had always been circumspect in their outward actions in the crew’s presence. Until now. Chakotay’s absence from the bridge that day and the captain’s increasing agitation had put the spotlight on what very much, under normal circumstances, could be called a "lovers’ quarrel".

Chakotay paused as he reached the ominous doors of her inner sanctum. He took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders before announcing his presence. He buzzed.

"Come," came the stern words from the ship’s commanding officer.

The doors closed behind him. Anxious looks were passed back and forth between Tom and Harry, intercepted by a silent visual warning of it’s none of your business from the Vulcan security officer who was seated in the command console.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He stood at attention in front of her desk. She sat in her chair, ramrod straight, her arms tensely laying on the arms of the chair, and her whitened hands clamped tightly over the ends.

"At ease, Commander," she tersely said to him. He assumed the more relaxed but still formal military pose, his hands tightly clasped behind his back.

"I am sure that you know why I have called you here," she stated indifferently.

"Yes, ma’am," he answered in a hushed tone. He started to respond further, when she cut him off.

"You will have time to respond in a moment. Commander, you do know that in past history, medical reports such as this one could result in harsh disciplinary actions. To say that I am disappointed in your actions is putting it mildly."

He started to speak again; once more she motioned for his silence.

"No; you are going to hear me out first. I am disappointed, from a command point of view..."

She hesitated before continuing, her eyes suddenly becoming liquid, and her voice faltering. "And... I feel betrayed personally. I know that I shouldn’t... there is no reason for me to think that I should have control over your personal relations... but, I do." She sighed, drawing back the rapidly forming tears. "Chakotay... how could you have done this? Allowed yourself to become so... so.... human?"

Her words pierced him as surely as any weapon, to hear her proclaim that she held him in such esteem as to think him above common human carnality. He watched as her command stature rapidly assumed that of a very human woman... a woman betrayed by the man she loves. He wanted to walk around the desk and pull her into his arms, comforting her with the words that he knew he had for her and her alone, regardless of the words contained in the phantom journal. He leaned forward, bracing himself on the front edge of her desk, as he began his feeble defense.

"Kathryn, I do have an explanation for all of this, but I know that it will not be easy for you to hear... or for me to tell. Frankly, I don’t know whether I believe it or not myself."

Once more she sniffed back the heavy tears and assumed a steeled persona.

"All right; I’m listening."

"Captain... Kathryn... may I suggest that we go into this a little less... er.... awkwardly? Permission to invite the captain and myself to go over to the sofa?" he asked with a wave of his hand and a waver in his voice.

Janeway eyed him suspiciously.

"I want to keep this conversation on a professional level, Commander."

"And so it shall be," he softly answered. "But I think over there, we will both be a little more... um... less defensive about the situation," he concluded, looking at the wide desk between them.

Again, she glared at him defiantly. She lowered her eyes momentarily, and when she once more looked at him, her eyes had less hostility them.

"As you wish," she stated, pushing her chair back and walking towards the divan. She sat stiffly at one end, and he assumed a similar position at the other end.

She listened with stone-like silence as he recounted the story that attempted to explain the reason behind the doctor’s report regarding his call to sickbay. Disbelief spread across her face as his story progressed to his discovery of the journal, and finally the doctor’s subsequent detection of the mysterious, fleeting DNA pattern he found in Chakotay’s quarters.

He finished his story, and looked at her, his eyes appealing to her for acceptance... and forgiveness.

She rose from the sofa, stiff from remaining motionless for almost twenty minutes. She flexed her arms and legs as she went over to the large window opening onto the void of the Delta Quadrant, her back towards the apprehensive man. After a small eternity, she turned to him.

"This is a rather bizarre story, to say the least. You are asking me to believe that you acquired a very real, physical disease from a phantasmal lover, whom you say you have no memory of; yet you can produce a hand-written journal, describing the affair in detail? And you are here stating that you care for me and do not wish to harm or hurt me; but yet there is evidence of a very recent sexual encounter with... with... " her voice was now rising in timbre and trembling as she sought for words that she knew she would regret, "... with yet another... ‘alien babe of the week’?"

He winced with her words, as he got up and quickly went to her.

"Kathryn, that’s not true, and you know it. I meant it months ago when I said that you were not alone; that I would always be here for you. And I meant it more recently when you received your news about Mark... that I would be here to comfort you. I have been here all along, just waiting for you to respond." He sighed before continuing. "I know that you have seen me through some... rough... emotional times -- with Seska," and he hesitated before continuing in a diminished tone, "... and Riley..."

She looked at him, and said through almost closed lips, "I want to respond to you fairly. I want to keep this on the issue at hand, and not bring up any past history." Her eyes again filled to almost overflowing. "But this... encounter... occurred just this past week! How could you..."

He gently grasped her by her shoulders, pulling her close to him, trying to stem the potential flood of emotion that was rapidly rising in both of them.

"We never know what strange anomalies are going to affect us, Kathryn. Let’s just decide to accept the Chakotay described in this writing as an alternate person, who briefly assumed the body of the person you see here. Acting through my physical being, he loved, and was loved, by a woman named Kellin... a woman who unknowingly infected the body of the physical form you see in front of you. Neither of us is perfect; so, I became overcome by... this other Chakotay, and was seduced by another woman. But now... right now, I am the one in front of you... and this being wants to let you know... that I would never willingly do anything to harm our relationship. I love you, Kathryn... in so many ways that I can’t even begin to enumerate. So, I apologize for the hurt and the disgrace that this unknown ‘me’ has brought to you. And I would make any sacrifice to undo it, just to be at peace with you again."

She should have been shocked by his words, but she wasn’t. His confession was something she had known... they had both known... for a long time. She backed off from him ever so slightly.

"And I suppose I have allowed my personal feelings to result in an overreaction to this situation as well." She backed off a little more. "This is the very reason we cannot allow ourselves the luxury of a more... intimate relationship."

"But, if we *were* closer, perhaps this never would have happened. At least, a more personal communication would probably have eased this conversation," he responded. A glimmer of a grin began on her face. "Or... maybe it would have made it worse," she rejoined.

She walked over to her desk, pensive in mien and demeanor. She sat down, staring into the nothingness in front of her, once more assuming a command attitude.

"How are we going to report this in the ship’s logs, Commander? You reported to sickbay with a very real communicable disease. The doctor must indicate follow-through with an epidemiological report, yet it appears that our index case is non-existent, except for questionable handwritten notes that you cannot remember ever having written. Will Starfleet accept any of this story?"

A brief laugh escaped from him as he answered. "It will be as reasonable as any of our other tales in this incredible journey."

She got up and walked around to him. "And do you have any suggestions on how to prevent anything like this ever happening again?"

His eyes gleamed with mischief behind a serious look on his face. "Captain, as I recall, in periods of Earth’s history when human behavior was prone to epidemics of these types of infections, monogamous commited relationships proved to be the best deterrents to the spread of the diseases. Perhaps if we accepted such guidelines with a firm pledge to one another, even our subconscious selves would remember the sanctity of the relationship... and prevent any similar occurrences."

"I suppose that follow-up actions on our parts to further solidify the relationship would also help in having the subconscious accept and recognize the importance of monogamy," she stated.

"This is true," he smiled, as she came closer. "Does this mean that I’m forgiven?" he ventured.

She stopped short of allowing him to take her into his arms, all the while wanting nothing more.

"Not until you get a clean bill of health from the doctor. Then, we’ll see what further actions... um... need to be taken. After all, some disciplinary action should be noted in my official logs."

Chakotay pulled himself into a stance of attention.

"Permission to be reinstated to duty, sir..."

"Tomorrow, Chakotay. Let’s make sure that you are completely recovered. Then, we just might have to readjust some of your duty structure."

"Aye, Captain; I will look forward to that," he said, smiling.

She continued with their formal facade.

"That will be all, Commander. Oh... and next time, please be cognizant of where... you put things. And how to safely indulge in off-duty activities."

Chakotay executed a long-forgotten salute.

"Yes, ma’am. I never will pursue such endeavors without the Captain’s complete approval and full participation."

Her grin matched his.

"Very well, Commander. Dismissed."

He sharply turned and exited the ready room, quickly assuming a stern expression on his face. Neither he nor the captain would want the crew to think that there was special privilege among the upper ranks.

No, that would *never* do...

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