"Your turn." Cassie said as she stepped out of the barn.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah." She said breathlessly, finding her way into Jake's arms. She

was sweating and looked like she could use a nap, but was apparently

cured.

"Here it goes." I said. Steve had left reluctantly when his brother

came for him. The rest of us had waited outside while Cassie was cured.

I approached the doors feeling slightly nervous. I shook that away;

telling myself Ax knew what he was doing. Sitting down on a bale of

hay, I asked,

"What are you going to do?"

(You've healed before, Mercy.) I nodded (It's performed like that. I

will put my hands on your head and look for the disease. Then when I

find it, instead of mending it, I'll rip it out.) Again I nodded. Ax

did what he said and put his hands on my head, concentrating. It was

strange to feel someone else's power rush into my veins. I could see it

in my mind, it was blue and weaker than Cassie's was and my own. I

could feel his power take hold of the disease and jerk at it until it

was gone. Then once more he searched to see if he had missed anything.

He found a small bit left in my body and once more his blue power

wrapped around it and tugged. When he did I felt it, which was new, but

said nothing. Not giving up he pulled harder, but the disease seemed to

tug back. So began a tug-of-war between a disease and an alien.

Something instantly felt wrong, but I was silent.

Without warning, I saw Tobias, felt him, smelled him, heard

him; every aspect of him as a hawk and as a human was scorched into my

brain.

Then came the pictures. Flashes of images saturated in every feeling

I'd experienced and some I had never known. There was Rachel gently

caressing Tobias's hand, when both of them hungered for more than a

touch. Then Rachel again looking sadly into Tobias's eyes when he told

her he was a nothlit. Then there was Rachel yet again as he gave he the

Christmas present I had bought for him to give to her. Then Rachel

again as he walked her to her house.

"Have you ever wanted to just fly away?" He'd said to her.

"Sometimes." Had been her reply. They stood for a moment staring at

each other. He was sad, she didn't understand. As much as she tried or

would try, she could never truly understand. Then there was a field,

when Tobias tried once again to demorph, with no success. Then there

was a house I did not recognize, but somehow knew was his Aunt's.

Tobias flew towards a window that was slightly open and perched on a

branch near it. His Aunt's saddened voice floated into the night air.

"-run away. That's the only explanation." There was a pause; she was on

the phone.

"Yes you are right. I did try hard didn't I?" she started to sound

more indignant as the conversation went on. "I know! Yes, absolutely,

no appreciation at all." Tobias flew away. He couldn't take anymore. It

just HAD to be his fault. His aunt and family couldn't care less that

he was gone. It was as if I could feel Tobias's heart break. I winced,

but that was not the end.

I caught my breath, because then there was me. It was the night when I

had discovered they were the Animorphs and had healed Tobias. It was

also the night when I had placed the bond, but he didn't know that. The

image came from my memory as well as his. I was looking into his eyes

and he saw kindness in my eyes. I smiled at that image, but knew that

was not the end. There was a moment, when I had asked for his trust.

"I trust you." He had said, and had meant it. Remembering what I had

done with that trust, I winced again. These were just a few of the

volley of images that were thrown at my brain. Eventually they stopped,

only to have something knew invade it. It was if I was passing through

layers of emotion, like the layers of an onion, and each made you want

to cry.

First, under the exterior, there was the sadness of being trapped

forever as a nothlit. The knowledge of knowing that never again could

he run, or play ball, or, I saw with a flicker of jealousy, kiss

Rachel. Next, came the suppression of the hawk instincts, always making

sure that he would not fly from here. Then there was a surprise. It was

the desire he felt every day to fly away. Fly away from his pain and

responsibilities, forever. Underlying that was guilt for wanting such

things. For he could not leave the one and only thing he held dear to

the world, his friends.

More surprises came. There was guilt for being a nothlit. He felt

somehow that it was his fault he was this way. That there must have

been some way to not be a hawk, every day he cursed himself for his

error. Finally, there was an intense pain. One that tore at my heart as

I experienced it. It was the pain of feeling unwanted and alone in the

world. His family never cared for him the way he so desperately needed

it. Then when he found some that could, his friends, they were ripped

from his hands, separated by the seemingly impassable barrier of his

form.

Never before had I understood Tobias like I did know, and it made my

heart break at the intensity of it. I could feel all the pain and

suffering he held inside himself every waking moment, and even in his

dreams. All the hurt I'd ever felt in my entire life was suddenly

multiplied a hundred times. I marveled at the strength that Tobias

possessed just to keep from breaking down. It was just too much. I

finally found enough sense to cry out.

"Ax! Stop it!" My voice broke. "Oh god, Whatever you are doing stop!"

His hands were lifted from my head but the pain continued, though

slightly less intense. I fell to my knees, overwhelmed. Marco knocked

on the door.

"Are you guys ok in there? Tobias is getting kind of anxious." I closed

my eyes, knowing suddenly what had happened. So did Ax. He grabbed me

by the shoulders and lifted me up. In outraged thought speech he said,

(You created a venga!?) I knew what a venga was. My bond.