Customs Agent
-Could I see your identification, please?
Sandman (handing a passport to him)
-Doctor and Mrs. Slumber, returning from Sydney.
Customs Agent
-Anything to declare?
Sandman
-Only this. (He pulls out a watch, which starts to move back and forth in true hypnotist’s fashion. Immediately, the customs agent’s eyes start to glaze over)
-Now listen carefully. You’re going to allow everything that’s on my jet to be taken off without so much as one glance at the contents. Do you understand?
Customs Agent (in hypnotized stupor)
-Yes . . . sir.
Sandman
-Your only memory of Doctor and Mrs. Slumber will be that they were a nice, charming, couple, with no suspicious air about them whatsoever.
Customs Agent
-Yes . . . sir.
(Sandman smiles with satisfaction and turns back to Mara)
Sandman
-Come along, Mara. Laurel and Hardy will see to the merchandise.
Mara (smiles with just the slightest edge)
-Already, you have begun to redeem yourself, Sandman!
(Sandman’s smile fades slightly as they move out, leaving the Customs Agent standing in a zombie-like trance)
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(Establishing shot of Wayne Manor)
Narrator
-Later that afternoon, three more arrivals from Australia have returned to Gotham City!
(Bruce, Dick and Shandra enter the study)
Bruce
-Commissioner Gordon should be brought up-to-date on Sandman’s activities, and the fact Sandman’s plane was traced to Gotham City. (He is about to reach for the Batphone, then looks back at Shandra). I will, of course, keep your name out of this, Shandra, given the . . . problems that would cause.
Shandra
-I appreciate that, Batman, but if things reach a point where that isn’t feasible, I’m prepared to take my chances.
(He nods and picks up the Batphone)
(Cut to Police Headquarters, where the Batphone is beeping.
Commissioner Gordon goes over to answer it. Alternating cuts follow)
Commissioner Gordon
-Yes, Batman?
Bruce
-Commissioner, I’ve returned from some business overseas concerning some nefarious activities by that European criminal mastermind, the Sandman.
Commissioner Gordon
-Oh, I’m sure it was quite important, Batman!
Bruce
-I’m afraid it’s not over, Commissioner. I’ve traced Sandman and his gang back to Gotham City, where I fear they plan on more mischief. Robin and I will be glad to discuss the matter further in your office.
Commissioner Gordon
-Yes, I’ll await you two with great interest. Thank you, Batman! (He hangs up, and then makes his way back to his desk. He picks up his regular phone and begins to dial)
(Cut to Barbara Gordon, on duty in her office at the Gotham City Public Library. The phone rings and she picks it up)
Barbara
-Gotham City Public Library.
Commissioner Gordon (with dead seriousness)
-Some . . . official business, requires your presence.
Barbara (slowly comes forward and nods)
-I . . . understand. I’ll be down there in about fifteen minutes.
(She hangs up and starts to close down her work station)
(Cut back to the Wayne Manor study. Bruce is explaining things to Shandra)
Bruce
-We should be back in an hour. Meet us in the Batcave. When we return, we’ll plot our course of action, based on full utilization of the Batcomputer’s available data.
Shandra (smiles)
-I promise not to start swinging from the chandeliers to pass the time.
(Bruce and Dick both laugh. For Dick, it signals a deeper realization of how different Shandra is from what she was when he first met her. He can now more easily think of her as part of the team)
Bruce (activates Shakespeare bust.
The bookcase behind slides open)
-To the Batpoles!
(Bruce and Dick dash toward them, with Shandra looking on)
(Spinning scene signals start of opening credits)
(Opening Credits Animated Sequence)
Starring Adam West
Burt Ward
Co-Starring
Alan Napier
Neil Hamilton
Stafford Repp
and Yvonne Craig as “Batgirl”
“To Try and Thwart the Villain’s Scheme”
(Stock shot of Batman and Robin getting into Batmobile and firing engine)
Special Guest Villain
Michael Rennie
as
The Sandman
(Batmobile pulls out of Batcave)
Extra Special Guest Villainess
Nancy Kovack
as
Mara Hatti
where the cover story prominently says, “The Wonders Of Africa”)
And Special Guest Heroine
Raquel Welch
as
Shandra, Queen of the Jungle
Executive Producer
twof
(Cut to Batman entering the office, with Robin behind)
Written by
epaddon
(He stops as he sees Batgirl there, with Gordon and O’Hara. He wasn’t expecting her presence)
Commissioner Gordon
-Yes, Batman, go on.
Batman (collecting himself)
-I’m sorry, Commissioner. I . . . didn’t realize you’d been called in as well, Batgirl.
Batgirl
-The Commissioner has a direct line to me and he decided it could help to have us all briefed.
Commissioner Gordon
-I even tried contacting Batwoman and Flamebird, Batman, but they seem to have been out of town for some time, just as you and Robin have been.
Batman
-Of course. Anyway, it’s time I bring you up to speed on what Robin and I learned in Australia. The Sandman has been involved in several notable international diamond heists that have spanned from Amsterdam to Londinium to Central Africa to Sydney. Gotham City would appear to be his next target.
Batgirl
-I can understand three of those targets since they have large exchanges, but where did he find diamonds in Central Africa?
Batman (realizing the awkwardness of concealing Shandra’s involvement)
-Well, this ties in to the unpredictable element of Sandman’s scheme. There was a cache of diamonds in the Central African jungle that served his purposes for amassing a large quantity. If he can do so without hitting an exchange, he’ll do it. Which is why it stands to reason, his target in Gotham City may not necessarily be our exchange, but some other source of diamonds in our environs.
Chief O’Hara
-Where would any such diamond source be, Caped Crusader?
Batman
-Gotham City is home to a number of famed multi-millionaires with fabulous diamond collections of their own, Chief O’Hara. Sandman could find it easier to plan a stage of limited robberies of these people and accumulate their holdings. There is also one other possibility . . . .
Batgirl
-The Bat-Diamond? I remember Marsha, Queen of Diamonds, tried to get control of that, once.
Batman
-Yes, Batgirl, I am considering that, since it’s possible Sandman might think he can pinpoint the Batcave’s location if he thinks I’m still suffering from the effects of our tangle in Australia. We have to be prepared for all sorts of possibilities.
Commissioner Gordon
-Are you certain Sandman is already back in the country, Batman?
Batman
-Yes, Commissioner. In fact, that reminds me. You should phone Gotham International Airport and find out when a plane registered to a Doctor and Mrs. Slumber arrived. That would tell us how long he’s been in Gotham City.
Commissioner Gordon (picking up phone)
-I’ll get on that. (Stops in mid-motion). Doctor and Mrs. Slumber?
Robin
-Sandman has a female partner in this caper, but we don’t know who she is. All we do know is she’s not one of the supercriminals we’ve gone up against before.
Commissioner Gordon
-And . . . you think this scheme of theirs ultimately involves something bigger than the theft of a large quantity of diamonds?
Batman
-Yes, we’re certain. In terms of sheer wealth, Sandman and his cohort have enough to satisfy any criminal whose motive is only greed. There is clearly a more sinister reason, we’ve yet to determine, for why they need all of these diamonds.
(Gordon rises from his chair and reaches for his jacket pocket)
Commissioner Gordon
-Batman, this may be only a coincidence, but while you were out of town, Minister Dimitri of the Republic of Redavia was in my office, asking to get in touch with you.
Batman (clearly surprised)
-Redavia has never been a friendly nation from America’s standpoint. What did the Minister want?
Commissioner Gordon (hands the photo to Batman)
-He wouldn’t reveal all the details, but he said it concerned this woman – a former operative of theirs who has gone free-lance in the European criminal underworld.
(Batman is already studying the photo of Mara intently. Keep in mind, he never saw her face in Australia, only Shandra did, and thus he doesn’t recognize her)
-Given Sandman’s reputation as the foremost master criminal of Europe, and that he’s engaged in these heists with the help of a female partner . . . it may not be a coincidence!
Batman (handing the photo to Robin, who also looks at it)
-Yes. Yes, it might not be. Commissioner, could you please get in touch with Minister Dimitri at the Redavian Consulate, and see if he’ll meet with Robin and me?
Batgirl (slightly miffed Batman’s seemingly ignored her)
-I’d be glad to come along and help, Batman.
Batman
-Oh. Yes, of course, Batgirl, my mind . . . wandered a bit. By all means, you should accompany us.
Commissioner Gordon
-I’ll call him right away. (Starts to reach for the phone and then slaps his forehead). My goodness, I didn’t make the call to Gotham International Airport yet!
Batman
-Quite understandable, Commissioner. This has been a most . . . complex affair.
Commissioner Gordon
-The airport, first.
(As he dials, Robin idles up to Batman and whispers in a low tone that no one else can hear)
Robin
-We’ve got trouble if Batgirl insists on being part of this.
Batman (whispering back, without glancing at him)
-We’ll . . . handle that matter after we leave.
(Batgirl then makes her way over to them)
Batgirl
-Batman, just out of curiosity, how did you know Sandman was responsible for those other thefts before you went to Australia? The newspapers didn’t offer any hints he was a suspect.
Batman
-I had an unimpeachable source, Batgirl – one I’m not at liberty to reveal, for reasons I’m sure you understand.
Batgirl (slightly miffed inside, but trying not to show it)
-Of course.
(Gordon nods and hangs up the phone)
Commissioner Gordon
-Well, Batman, Customs says a Doctor and Mrs. Slumber did come through six hours ago. They had nothing suspicious to declare. The agent who handled them insists there was nothing out of the ordinary about them.
Batman
-Hmmm. He insists there was nothing out of the ordinary about him. I suspect Sandman might have felt compelled to use some of his special tricks to get through Customs, considering he still had his heists from Amsterdam, Londinium and Sydney he needed to process.
Chief O’Hara
-And those African ones you mentioned, too!
Batman
-No, those gems were successfully recovered in Sydney and returned to their rightful owners. It’s the loss of those particular diamonds that explains his need for a new heist here in Gotham City.
(O’Hara nods in understanding. Batgirl, though, is frowning underneath her cowl)
Commissioner Gordon
-At any rate, if Sandman’s confederate is this former Redavian operative, you should get over to the Consulate post-haste. I’ll phone Minister Dimitri and tell him he can expect the three of you.
Batman (nods and then turns to Robin)
-To the Batmobile!
(They dash out, with Batgirl not far behind, her suspicious air only heightening)
~(Slow Bat symbol to denote quick passage of time)~
(Establishing shot of Batman and Robin in Batmobile driving through Gotham City streets)
Robin
-You know, Batman, I didn’t feel like saying it in the office, but when I saw that picture of the operative, I could have sworn she looked just like one of Joker’s henchwomen!
Batman
-Yes, I did notice the resemblance to Queenie, but . . . rest assured, Robin, it isn’t her. Queenie has four more months to do in Gotham State Penitentiary for her crimes while working with Clock King. In addition, her past career could hardly have afforded the opportunity to work as a top operative for an unfriendly government.
Robin (chiding himself)
-Gosh, Batman, you’re right! I should have realized that. Still, it is an uncanny resemblance.
Batman
-They say everyone in the world has a double. It could well be a face as beautiful as that is sadly twice represented by members of the criminal class. (His tone grows slightly grim). Our bigger problem right now is that Shandra is the only one who actually saw Sandman’s operative. She’d be the only one who can confirm whether this Redavian agent is who we’ve been following all this time. It would . . . be a lot easier if she were with us at the Consulate.
Robin
-We can’t do that! It’s one thing for us to know she’s alive, but Batgirl wouldn’t be happy to see her again.
(Robin looks back at Batgirl on her Batgirlcycle and gives her a friendly wave.)
-She’d be much tougher to convince than even I was, especially since Shandra bested her in a fight. I know that’s always been a sore subject with her.
Batman
-I know. Even if we did tell her Shandra’s alive, the awkwardness posed by the fact Shandra knows our secret identities, but Batgirl doesn’t, makes the matter of coordination even more difficult! (Shakes his head in disgust). I have to confess, Robin, after these many years of working with Batgirl on so many matters, the complexity of this arrangement is getting more frustrating! If we had no secrets from each other, coordinating our crimefighting activities would be facilitated immeasurably. At the moment, though, it’d be too dangerous to broach the subject with her.
Robin
-Holy Painted in a Corner! I guess we just have to figure a way to straighten this out without upsetting our arrangements with both Batgirl and Shandra.
Batman
-Yes. (Sighs). We’ll have to figure all this out later. The visit to the Consulate may turn out to be a waste of time, but we might as well get all the information on the operative, on the chance she is Sandman’s partner. Shandra may be able to confirm her involvement when we return to the Batcave.
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(Minister Dimitri behind his desk in his office. Batman, Robin and Batgirl are seated across from him)
Minister Dimitri
-Security prevents me from giving out too many details about our former operative, Batman, but . . . because your reputation as a great international detective is respected by us, my government felt you might offer some insight into how we might track her down.
Batman
-I am happy to offer my assistance, Minister Dimitri, as I am sure are Robin and Batgirl. In the process, I hope it will not only aid in the capture of a notorious criminal, but also in the fostering of better relations between our two countries.
Minister Dimitri (blinking slightly after this verbose response)
-Ah . . . yes. At any rate, you can tell that this operative, despite the way she appears in her official photograph, is a very beautiful woman. Her appearance served her well for the kind of espionage work in which you might expect a woman of great beauty to be engaged . . . but Colonel Hatti’s expertise went well beyond those areas.
Batgirl
-Colonel Hatti?
Minister Dimitri
-Colonel Mara Hatti. Not only an expert seductress, but also possessor of a PhD in Rocket Science and Advanced Physics. Those degrees led to her Top Level clearance for many of our weapons programs.
Batman
-I see. Your concern over her defection to the ranks of the criminal class, is she might be able to apply her expertise for some . . . nefarious purpose?
Minister Dimitri
-Yes, Batman. That is our greatest concern. You see . . . (he sighs) . . . painful as this is for me to admit, my country’s . . . competition with your country led us to develop prototypes for a number of weapons systems, some of which Colonel Hatti had copies of the plans for when she chose to defect. Paired with the right master criminal, she could find the means to build her own weapon . . . and potentially, blackmail the entire world!
(Batman’s eyes narrow behind his cowl and he nods his head)
Batman
-Yes, I see your concern, Minister Dimitri. You want to find out if the resources of the Batcave could be applied toward finding where this Colonel Hatti could be?
Minister Dimitri
-Exactly.
Batman (rising from his chair)
-I will be glad to do so, Minister Dimitri, but while I appreciate your country’s desire to avoid revealing what plans she has in her possession, I will need the entire personnel file you have on her, so I can factor in her likes, interests and habits. Detection equipment is useless without data to program into it.
Minister Dimitri
-Of course. You may pick up her complete file on your way out . . . and Batman . . . if you are successful in helping us track Colonel Hatti down, you will have Redavia’s eternal gratitude.
Batgirl
-We’ll all be glad to apply our collective skills, Minister Dimitri.
Minister Dimitri
-Of course, Batgirl. I do not mean to slight your involvement, nor that of Robin’s, too. You will all receive equal rewards from us, if you are successful.
Robin
-None of us are in this for any reward, Minister, other than the knowledge a dangerous criminal has been brought to justice.
(Batman beams with pride at his protege’s statement. Batgirl agrees with Robin’s sentiment, but still suspects the Dynamic Duo are hiding more than usual from her.
To the Minister’s great surprise, he begins to believe the crimefighters truly are as idealistic as they sound.)
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(Cut to shot of the three caped crusaders exiting the Consulate. Batman is holding a thick folder containing Mara’s dossier)
Batman
-The Batcomputer should be able to process all this information into a result our deductive skills can then apply productively.
Batgirl
-I can drop off my Batgirlcycle at Police Headquarters.
Batman (stops and looks at her with mild surprise)
-I beg your pardon?
Batgirl
-In preparation for your taking me to the Batcave, for which I know I must submit to Batgas beforehand.
Batman (realizing how sticky the situation is getting. Robin is awkwardly shuffling his green boots)
-Oh . . . well, Batgirl, that may not be necessary. I’ll be glad to notify you directly after the material is processed . . . .
Batgirl (protesting)
-But, Batman, it will make things a lot easier to coordinate if I’m there already to react to the Batcomputer’s crunching of the data.
(Batman is looking at Robin, who is almost shrugging his shoulders)
Batman
-Very well, Batgirl. You . . . leave your Batgirlcycle at Police Headquarters and we’ll pick you up there.
(She smiles and then heads over to where her Batgirlcycle is parked. As she starts it up, Robin is slowly shaking his head)
Robin
-I guess that’s that.
Batman
-We do have the luxury of time in terms of making sure things are taken care of before we bring her around in the Batcave . . . and we must attend to those matters, fast!
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
Narrator
-Later, as the Batmobile, with a peacefully sleeping Batgirl in the front seat, heads back toward the Batcave.
Batman (on Batmobile phone)
-Alfred, you’ll need to stay clear of the Batcave for as long as we have Batgirl with us. Tell Shandra to take the service elevator down and meet us there.
(Cut to Alfred in Wayne Manor study. A restless Shandra has her legs over the armrest of the chair she’s sitting in, as she’s long since run out of anything she felt worth reading)
Alfred
-Very good, sir. I quite understand. Yes. (He hangs up and heads over to Shandra). If you’ll follow me this way, miss.
(She rises from her chair, and stretches herself)
(Cut back to Batmobile entering Batcave. It comes to a stop and Batman gets out)
Robin (He looks at Batgirl, slumped in the front seat)
-Do we just leave Batgirl there?
Batman
-For the moment.
(The service elevator opens and Shandra steps off, hand on hip and clearly eager to once again be involved)
Shandra
-You’re finally back.
(Her eyes dart over and she spots Batgirl, asleep in the Batmobile)
-What’s she doing here?
Batman
-I’ll get to that in a minute, Shandra. First, I have to ask this important question. (He comes over to her, holding the photograph of Mara). You’re the only one of us who’s seen Sandman’s partner. Is this her?
Shandra (smirks slightly)
-That military uniform does nothing for her, but yeah, that’s her.
Batman
-Thank you, that’s all we need to know. (Pauses) Shandra, your help has been invaluable, but from this point on, it’ll be better if you make preparations to return to Africa this evening.
Shandra (blinking, not sure she heard right)
-Huh? Are you telling me, you want me to go home?
Batman
-Shandra, I think this is really for the best. You’ve succeeded in recovering the Kanuta diamonds, but from this point on, the fact you’re a wanted criminal - a presumed dead wanted criminal - is not going to make it convenient for you to work effectively in this operation.
Shandra (slowly she realizes what he means)
-Because of her? (She points her thumb toward the Batmobile)
Batman
-I’m afraid so. Batgirl’s involvement was a factor on which I hadn’t counted, but she has Commissioner Gordon’s – and our – complete trust. The Commissioner wants the three of us working together, which is understandable in light of all the successful experiences we’ve had as a team before. It would have been suspicious to not accept her help.
Shandra
-Okay, so maybe Batgirl still has a grudge because I beat her in a fight once, but if Robin could be convinced of my good intent and value, so can she.
Robin (coming up alongside Batman)
-It’s not that simple, Shandra. You see, you have an advantage with us, because you know our secret identities. Batgirl doesn’t, and we don’t know who she is, either.
Shandra (not expecting that revelation, but quickly realizing that’s why Batgirl is asleep)
-You mean . . . all these years you’ve worked together, and you’ve never been honest with each other about who you really are?
Batman
-It’s not a question of honesty, Shandra, but a question of respect. Our work as crimefighters has required a respect for the fact knowledge of our true identities, even by those with whom we work closely, could produce terrible consequences.
Shandra
-But it can’t make it easy to coordinate things. (She looks back at Batgirl again). You had to put her out so she couldn’t find out where the Batcave is located.
Robin
-Exactly. That’s been standard procedure.
Batman
-Where the complication comes in, Shandra, is since you know our identities, the danger is there for you to unwittingly reveal that knowledge, such as calling us “Bruce” or “Dick” while we’re in costume, or “Batman” or “Robin” when we’re not. There’s no harm in that so long as we worked together with no other outsiders present besides Alfred . . . but with Batgirl as an integral part of the team . . . you then see the danger. We can’t allow the potential for an accidental revelation of our identities to her.
Shandra (not impressed)
-I see. So because of that, you’re prepared to reject my help when it comes to foiling Sandman’s endgame just because I might slip-up at the wrong moment? Sorry, Batman, that isn’t what I call a compliment.
(Shandra turns her back on the Dynamic Duo and walks a few steps toward the Batmobile. She then turns to speak over her shoulder.)
-How about if I rip off her mask so you can see who she is? Then you two can take off your masks and end this stupid charade of yours once and for all.
Batman (shocked at the suggestion, but sympathetic to Shandra’s perspective)
-I could never allow you to do that, Shandra. It would irretrievably break the bonds of trust and respect we’ve developed with Batgirl over the years. Someday, perhaps, with her consent, we might mutually reveal our identities, but not like that.
Robin
-Besides, Shandra, the stakes are higher now. Sandman’s cohort you just identified is a former Redavian espionage agent. Apparently, she has access to a lot of classified weapons systems that could be used to unleash havoc on the world!
Shandra (eyes widening)
-So that’s it, then. All these diamond thefts have something to do with creating a weapon of mass destruction - a weapon that could put the security of the entire world at risk.
Batman
-A sound deduction, Shandra.
Shandra
-In that case, Batman (her stress on the name is quite intentional), you really need all the help you can get, and the risks be damned. The last thing I’m going to do is go back to Africa and swing my way into a jungle of ignorant bliss about whether or not you’ve foiled this scheme. I have to see this through for my own peace of mind.
Robin
-I doubt Sandman and Mara Hatti have designs on your part of the world, Shandra.
Shandra
-That’s her name? Mara Hatti? (She takes the picture back from Batman, looks at it and lets out a mild snort of disgust). And as for having designs on my part of the world, Robin, they already proved otherwise when they decided to steal the Kanuta diamonds. Since they know I’m alive and who I am, the chances of them deciding for a little revenge in my backyard someday would be quite high, I think.
(Batman sighs, knowing he can’t argue with her on that score)
Batman
-All right, Shandra. You’ve made your point. You can stay with us, but . . . I beg of you to exercise all the precautions of which I spoke.
Shandra
-That’s a promise. (Lowers her head as something else occurs to her). There’s one other precaution we need to take, even though it may make convincing Batgirl even more difficult.
Batman
-Yes?
Shandra
-Circumstances may dictate letting the authorities know I’m alive, but I can never let the fact you allowed me to escape, much less personally flew me back to Africa, become public. Your reputation as a crimefighter and a deputized agent of the law would be irreparably damaged with Commissioner Gordon and others in authority.
Robin
-She’s got a good point, Batman.
Batman
-Yes, that is a good point, but–
Shandra
-It will be far easier for me to just say I faked my own death and escaped back to Africa by myself.
Batman
-I recognize the need to tell the authorities that story if circumstances require, but Batgirl–
Shandra (interrupting)
-You don’t trust her to know your secret identity, and on that basis alone, you shouldn’t trust her to know this.
Batman (reluctantly nods)
-I wouldn’t quite put it that way . . . but, if you insist, that’s the story you may tell her. Let me give you a full briefing on what we learned about Colonel Mara Hatti. Then we’ll bring Batgirl around.
Robin (under his breath so no one else can hear, anticipating the pending relationship between the two beautiful women)
-Holy Soap Opera
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
Narrator
-Meanwhile, Sandman and Mara have set up their hideout inside the abandoned Underground Home Pavilion on the grounds of the old Gotham World’s Fair!
(Establishing shot of the hideout which is a spacious living room area that has been converted into a laboratory. A sign “Gotham World’s Fair Underground Home” hangs above the scene. Sandman is looking around in fascination, while Mara, wearing a lab coat, is in front of a work table that contains tools, blueprints and samples of the stolen diamonds. Next to the table, we see a sheet draped over a large object)
Sandman
-Fascinating to think that a few short years ago, millions of people roamed these grounds to see the Gotham World’s Fair and visited all the pavilions that have since been demolished – all except this old Underground Home Pavilion which they just sealed up . . . conveniently left for our use!
Mara (not looking up at him, clearly wrapped in her work as she makes a notation on the blueprints)
-Indeed.
Sandman
-It’s even more convenient for our purposes that we should be in close proximity to the one remaining active pavilion from the Fair, the Kings Museum – the site of our final heist!
Mara (still not looking at him)
-It is conveniently situated, Sandman, but what makes you think the Kings Museum has anything that will make up for our lost African heist?
Sandman
-You disappoint me, Mara! I would have thought you’d remember that the Kings Museum is home to one of the finest permanent exhibitions of rare diamonds in the nation – the centerpiece being the fabulous Charity Diamond, valued at more than ten million dollars alone.
Mara (finally looks at him)
-Great as the Charity Diamond is, and great as I’m sure the exhibition is, I still can’t imagine the total figure equaling what we still need.
Sandman
-That’s where you’re wrong, Mara! Starting tomorrow, the Kings Museum begins hosting a traveling exhibition of rare diamonds on-loan from the British Museum. One reason circumstances dictated robbing the Londinium Exchange, was because these particular diamonds were already out of the country at the time of our work there.
Mara (finishing her notations to the blueprints. She picks up a diamond from the table)
-You had better be right, Sandman. Because now, all that we need for this operation is complete, except for the required number of diamonds needed to make our weapon the threat it must be if we’re to be taken seriously.
(She moves over to the shrouded object next to the table and, with a flourish, pulls off the sheet)
(Sandman moves alongside her, smiling thinly at the sight of the weapon. It is now assembled, but silent and powerless)
Sandman
-My compliments to you and your fellow Redavians for how far you got along in developing this basic system. Though, of course, only your brilliant mind could carry it further, to the point where we stand on the threshold of holding the entire world for the greatest ransom anyone has ever demanded!
Mara (finally allowing herself a smile)
-Now all it requires is a total investment of two hundred million dollars in stolen diamonds to power it.
Sandman
-What’s two hundred million, when we’re looking at a minimum of ten times that amount from all the panicked nations of the world?
(Cut back to the sight of the assembled laser weapon as ominous music rises)
(Commercial)
Act Two
(Establishing shot of the Batcave. Batgirl has been awakened and is standing between Batman and Robin, hands on hips, staring dubiously at Shandra, across from her)
Shandra
-That’s the basic story, Batgirl. Although the task that brought me here to seek Batman’s help has been accomplished with the recovery of the Kanuta diamonds, I still feel it’s important to do what I can to help stop Sandman and his cohort, this Colonel Mara Hatti, from completing their end-game.
Batgirl (skeptically)
-Really . . . and maybe if you find out he’s got something that could destroy Gotham City, you could see your chance to move in and replant the landscape with a new supply of Instant Jungle!
Shandra (sighs)
-Batgirl, is it really so difficult for you to accept the fact I was never really a criminal in the first place?
Batgirl
-I don’t call the wanton destruction of hundreds of millions of dollars of Gotham City property to be acts of civic mindedness!
Shandra (fast losing her patience)
-Well, Batman, maybe your hunch was right. If I have to deal with this kind of stubbornness, then maybe I should just go home and to hell with whatever it is Sandman has planned for your part of the world!
Batgirl
-Consider yourself lucky that my respect for Batman’s judgment is the only thing that’s keeping me from calling – (stops as she realizes she almost, in her anger, slipped up and said, “my father”) – the Commissioner and having you arrested!
Batman (stepping in between them)
-All right, I think that’s enough. Batgirl, I don’t expect you and Shandra to become fast friends, but this situation is going to require total teamwork on our part, given what we’re up against.
(Alternating close-ups of Batgirl and Shandra, their expressions cold)
-Redavia is, in effect, engaging in detente with our country, for the purpose of this endeavor. Surely you two, with your strong senses of ethics and justice, can recognize the need for a truce at this time when the fate of the entire world may be at stake! I know you both well enough to know you would not let pettiness and ill-feeling consume and distract you from this important mission we must all complete for the sake of untold millions in our fair city and untold billions throughout the world!
(Two shot of Shandra and Batgirl both turning to look at Batman, and both with slightly glazed expressions after all what he just said)
Shandra
-I’m . . . willing. I always have been.
Batgirl (lets out a reluctant sigh)
-Oh . . . very well – for the good of thwarting Sandman.
Batman
-Excellent! Now then, to business! Robin, program that dossier into the Batcomputer.
Robin
-Ready to roll!
~(Slow Bat symbol to denote passage of time)~
(The four of them have spent more than three hours going over the material. All are looking slightly tired)
Batman
-All right, let’s recap what we know.
Robin (slumped slightly in a chair)
-Holy Rerun, not again, Batman! We’ve already done at least two recaps of Mara Hatti’s file.
Batman
-It’s important we make sure all this information has sunk into our minds completely and not simply gone in one ear and out the other, as the old saying goes!
Shandra (stretching herself)
-You and Batgirl have on cowls, so how does it get a chance to get inside one ear, let alone go out the other?
(Her remark suddenly has the effect of loosening everyone up and they laugh – even Batgirl, who feels some of her ill-feeling toward Shandra dissipate)
Batman (smiles)
-Touché, Shandra. At any rate, let’s do it.
Shandra (sighs)
-Colonel Hatti’s expertise in rocket science and advanced physics . . . combined with this need to steal hundreds of million dollars worth of diamonds . . . what does that add up to?
Robin
-The obvious thing would be using the diamonds to raise funds for building some kind of weapon.
Batgirl
-That would be obvious, Robin, but for the fact it would require them to fence all those diamonds to get money. They couldn’t possibly get anything near top dollar with gems in bulk.
Batman
-Exactly, Batgirl. I think it’s safe to presume Colonel Hatti’s defection from Redavia would only have taken place after she was certain she had all the blueprints and components she needed for her weapon – whatever it might be – except for the purpose the diamonds serve.
Robin
-You mean, the diamonds might be needed to make the weapon function?
Shandra (suddenly bolts forward)
-Of course! That’s it! The diamonds must actually power the weapon and give them what they need to potentially blackmail the entire world!
Batgirl
-But what kind of weapon would utilize diamonds, especially in the quantity they’ve stolen?
Shandra (eyes narrowing)
-A laser.
(Batman, Robin and Batgirl all look at her)
-A laser. I’m remembering now the physics class I took at Harvard. Diamonds, as well as rubies, can be used to power laser beams. With that many diamonds at their disposal, there’s no telling how much destructive power they’re trying to generate!
Batgirl
-Holy Rerun, indeed, Robin.
(Robin grimly nods in agreement)
Shandra (puzzled)
-What do you mean?
Batman
-Penguin recently tried to blackmail Gotham City by taking control of an American laser-based defense system. Sandman and this Colonel Hatti, however, may soon have their own offensive laser weapon – and if they have hundreds of millions of dollars in diamonds to generate power for it, they could use it at any time to destroy major population centers of the world!
Robin
-And even hundreds of million of dollars worth of diamonds would be a cheap investment, compared to the ransom the entire world would have to pay!
Shandra
-Every nation would be at risk – America, Redavia, Kenyatta. Any government that refused to pay would face total destruction!
Batman
-Sound insight, Shandra! So, now that we’ve deduced what the end-game must be, we must shift our attention to where Sandman intends to strike to replace the diamonds Shandra and Robin recovered.
Batgirl
-Not to mention locating where they have this weapon, assuming it’s already been put together to await the necessary number of diamonds.
Batman
-Good point, Batgirl, but for now, let’s concentrate on Sandman’s next target. We asked Commissioner Gordon to spare all the officers he can to guard the Gotham Diamond Exchange, because we can’t be one hundred per cent certain that isn’t where Sandman will strike . . . but, based on his modus operandi Sandman is more likely to deviate from his established pattern this time and get what he needs elsewhere.
Batgirl
-But where?
Batman
-Robin, ask the Batcomputer for all data on wealthy persons in Gotham City with large holdings of diamonds.
Shandra
-You have that data available?
Batman
-The Batcomputer simply cross-checks what’s been registered with major insurance companies, Shandra. There’s no intrusion into the activities of private citizens.
Shandra (relieved)
-I see.
Robin
-All of the data the Batcomputer analyzes has to come from legitimate sources, Shandra. We’d defeat the whole purpose of crimefighting if we didn’t do things that way.
Shandra
-That’s good to know.
(Robin makes several entries. The Batcomputer whirs to life and then a “ding” indicates it’s finished. Robin pulls out an index card)
Robin
-Dead end, Batman. Most of the millionaires in Gotham City who have diamonds covered by the insurance companies don’t even keep them in Gotham City! Private banks and vaults spread out over the country serve their needs much better.
Batman (puzzled)
-Then, apart from the exchange, there’s no other source of a large quantity of diamonds in the Gotham City area at this time?
Robin
-Just a minute. (He makes some more entries. The Batcomputer lets out another “ding” and he takes out the card. Immediately his eyes widen). Holy Exhibition!
Batgirl
-What is it, Robin?
Robin
-The Kings Museum! A new traveling exhibition of rare diamonds on loan from the British Museum starts tomorrow!
Batman
-And the Kings Museum also has a permanent collection of fabulous gems, including the Charity Diamond, perhaps the most valuable diamond in the country!
Shandra
-And it’s the kind of place you wouldn’t expect a master criminal to hit when there’s a bigger supply available in the Exchange! But what makes it more logical is that it compensates for the one other place where the theft didn’t take place at an Exchange!
Batgirl
-And the Museum is an isolated target, all alone on the site of the old Gotham World’s Fairground! It’s the only pavilion from that Fair that’s still functioning!
Batman
-I think we’ve reasoned it out! Sandman and Mara may be ready to strike, even as we speak! We must get there immediately! And even if we’re wrong, the police will still be protecting the diamond exchange.
Batgirl
-Agreed. Okay, Batman, give Shandra and me the Batgas and we can get going!
(Awkward expressions return to Batman and Robin. They hadn’t told Batgirl Shandra knows their identities, believing that revelation could antagonize the Dominoed Daredoll)
Batman
-Ah, yes. Robin, please administer it to Batgirl and . . . I’ll do it to Shandra.
(He grabs a can, comes up to Shandra and then whispers to her confidentially)
-Just play along until she’s out.
(Shandra nods. He has the can pointed at her, and waits to see Robin spray Batgirl with the sleeping gas. As soon as the Curved Crusader slumps over, fast asleep, Batman puts his can down)
-Okay, let’s get her into the Batmobile. Shandra, when we bring her around, please act like you’ve been asleep.
Shandra
-I understand. (She stops in front of Batgirl’s sleeping form and shakes her head). You really should level with her someday.
Batman
-“Someday” is not now, Shandra.
Shandra
-No, I guess not. (She then starts to undo the sash of her dress). If we’re going to do some serious fighting, I’m not going to be the only one of the team not properly dressed.
(Her dress falls to the floor and she is standing now in her jungle bikini, hands on hips)
-Time’s a wasting!
(Batman and Robin, who both have hold of Batgirl as they prepare to guide her sleeping form into the Batmobile, look back with approving smiles)
Narrator
-As our fighting foursome prepares for action, their hunch is already being borne out!
KINGS MUSEUM
THIS WEEK: LIVE ANIMAL EXHIBITION NEXT WEEK: GREAT DIAMONDS OF THE WORLD
-Shandra’s right, Batman, time’s a wasting!
(Commercial)
Act Three
(Inside the darkened museum, we see Sandman move toward the corner, around which the area is more lit. This is where the security station is located)
Sandman (pulling a container out of his belt)
-First things first.
(He inches his way forward and then pokes his head around the corner. The uniformed security guard is at his desk, head down, buried in a paperback book)
-Excuse me, sir.
(The guard looks up, taken aback by the sight of Sandman in black. He slowly starts to rise)
-You really look bored by your work . . . and boredom . . . usually leads to sleep.
(As the guard is going for his gun, Sandman sprays his vial of sleeping gas at him. The guard staggers back and collapses against the wall)
(Mara, Laurel and Hardy come up behind Sandman)
-That’s that. The way is now free and clear for us!
(They dash toward the central stairway that leads to the upper level of the museum and the Diamond exhibit)
(Cut to shot of the Batmobile pulling up in front of the Museum)
(Close shot. Shandra and a sleeping Batgirl are squeezed in between Batman and Robin)
Batman (pulling out can of BatAwake)
-Just . . . act as if you’ve been brought to.
(Shandra nods and rests her head back, pretending to be asleep as Batman sprays BatAwake at them both. Immediately, Batgirl’s eyes open and Shandra rises forward)
-We’re at the museum now!
(They all hurriedly get out and dash toward the front. Shandra breaks stride for just an instant as she sees the “Live Animal Exhibition” notice, which causes her to scowl in revulsion. She quickly shakes that off and resumes following)
Robin (noticing the door)
-Holy Jimmy! The main entrance lock’s been picked!
Batgirl
-That means they’re here!
Batman
-Quickly!
(He opens the door and they dash inside, Batman, followed by Robin, Batgirl and Shandra. The lobby and central rotunda, which features a giant mastodon at the center with the walkways of the other museum levels surrounding the rotunda, are all dark)
(They stealthily make their way to the left and see the light emanating from the security station around the corner. They reach it and see the knocked-out guard)
Shandra
-They must be at the diamond exhibit already!
Batgirl
-Where is it located?
Batman
-On the fourth level of the building. We need to get up there, but . . . maybe not all at once by the central stairway.
Robin
-You mean split up and approach from different directions?
Batman
-Exactly, Robin. There are two side sets of stairs, in addition to this central one, that lead to all levels of the museum, plus the main elevator. If each us takes a different avenue of attack, we can catch them off-guard by making them think we’re all coming from the same direction.
Shandra
-I like that idea! I’ll take the central stairway.
Batman
-Robin and I will take the side stairways, and Batgirl, you take the elevator.
(Shandra dashes up the central stairway while the others scatter)
Sandman
-There it is.
(He and Mara make their way forward and take note of the giant Charity Diamond at the center)
Mara
-It’s almost a pity to have to destroy it for the sake of powering our weapon. (Turns to Sandman and smiles wickedly). But almost isn’t enough.
Sandman
-No indeed, Mara!
(He snaps his fingers at Laurel and Hardy, who immediately get to work with cutting tools on the display cases)
(Several cuts follow that alternate between Laurel and Hardy working on the cases, and reaction shots of Sandman and Mara. As the work progresses, their sense of eager anticipation rises)
(Cut to Shandra reaching the top of the stairs that exit onto the mezzanine walkway of the fourth level. Directly in front of her is a recessed entryway into the “Moonrocks” exhibition area. The “Gems And Minerals” section is two entry points further down. She slowly makes her way over to it and cautiously sticks her head inside, where we then see from her vantage point Sandman and Mara watching Laurel and Hardy finish their work cutting open the display cases)
Sandman
-All right, let’s start packing them up!
Shandra
-I don’t think you have the time.
(The four thieves turn around. Mara reacts with surprise, while Sandman has a more amused air)
Sandman
-Well, well, well. The noble savage returns to the scene of her crimes in Gotham City.
Shandra (defiantly taking a step toward them)
-A person’s place of residence doesn’t define whether they’re savage or not!
Sandman (disdainfully)
-Skilled as you were in escaping death from the sharks, my dear Miss Artemis, I think you’re about to find yourself in over your head.
(Shandra’s expression contorts into one of fury at being called by her old name. She promptly lunges at Sandman, but Mara suddenly gets between them and grabs hold of her. For the next forty seconds, the jungle queen and the spy are struggling in a clash between two highly skilled fighters)
(Mara and Shandra grapple – Shandra hurls the spy against a display table holding a collection of other precious gems. The table shatters and jewels spill onto the floor. Mara recovers and delivers a judo blow against Shandra’s shoulder, which sends her backward against the wall. Sandman, Laurel and Hardy all watch with amused interest)
(So great is their fascination that none of them notice Batman, Robin and Batgirl at the entryway to the exhibit area)
Robin (whispers)
-She’s giving us one good distraction!
Batman (whispers)
-And it’s time for us to take advantage!
(The Terrific Trio slowly make their way across the room, out of sight from Sandman, Laurel and Hardy. Shandra now has hold of Mara by the neck, and has turned her around so that the spy is now back against the wall . . . but as Mara struggles, her position now allows her to see Batman, Robin and Batgirl making their way across toward her unsuspecting colleagues)
Mara (struggling)
-Sandman! Behind you!
(The three criminals turn around just in time to see Batman, Robin and Batgirl pick up their pace and charge at them. Season Three Batfight music starts as the battle is now joined.)
(Batman delivers a punch to Sandman)
POW!
(Robin slugs Laurel)
SOCK!
(Batgirl hunches herself on top of another display table and, as Hardy charges at her, delivers a patented kick to his midsection)
OUCHHHH!
(After these initial blows, the three male criminals regroup. Sandman pulls his vial of sleeping gas from his pocket and uncaps it. He’s ready to utilize it)
(Batman notices Sandman and realizes he needs to counter this move fast. He is going for his can of Batgas in his utility belt, but Sandman is quicker to the draw and sprays it in Batman’s face, causing him to collapse to the floor, out cold)
Robin
-BATMAN!
(As Robin looks at his fallen mentor, Laurel and Hardy sneak up behind and together grab him by the armpits, lifting the former Boy Wonder off the ground. Sandman, with a smug smile, comes up and sprays his sleeping gas in Robin’s face. He slumps and they drop him to the ground)
(Cut back to quick shot of Mara and Shandra, who are still grappling. Shandra, while struggling, tries to look back to see what’s happening, but Mara’s grip on her is too strong. Their fight remains a draw at this point)
(Batgirl, realizing she’s cornered, gets back to a standing position and prepares to deliver another kick to the approaching henchmen. Unfortunately, she steps on some of the gems on the floor. Off-balance as she thrusts her leg forward, Laurel is thus able to grab it in mid-air, which causes her to fall backward . . . right into the arms of Sandman, who quickly catches her)
Sandman
-Time for you to turn into Sleeping Beauty!
(He administers his spray and she slumps in his arms)
(Sandman sets her down next to the sleeping forms of Batman and Robin. The three villainous men stand in front of the display case to watch the ongoing conflict between Shandra and Mara)
Sandman (smiling)
-What a pity that trio of twits kept us from watching this extraordinary spectacle!
Mara (grunting in anger as Shandra has hold of her face)
-Sandman, will you do something?!?!?!
Sandman (bemusedly)
-Come, come, Mara. You should surely be capable of defeating a mere vine-swinging, ape-woman all by yourself!
(We can see her clenching her teeth in anger at Sandman as she continues to fight her evenly matched battle with the Jungle Queen. Shandra finally manages to slam Mara back against the wall and is now preparing to deliver a blow that will knock her out. Sandman, though, deciding the fight has gone on long enough, comes up from behind and manages to administer his sleeping gas. Shandra falls back into his arms. Unlike Batgirl, he prefers to keep hold of her just a bit longer)
-You, by far, are the most impressive in the lot. I will regret your death, unlike the others.
Mara (drawing herself up and glaring at him)
-You’d better make sure she dies this time!
Sandman
-Don’t worry, Mara. This trap will be more difficult for all of them to overcome than the sharks were for just her!
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(In a number of display areas there are dioramas showing various large animals in representations of their natural states.)
(Overhead, hanging from wires, is a giant model of a great blue whale)
Sandman
-That jungle woman may have escaped from the live sharks, but a dead whale is going to be the death of her! – not to mention, of these infernal caped crusaders!
(A slow rumble is heard, causing Mara, Laurel and Hardy to look around in concern)
Mara
-What was that?
Sandman
-Just the live animals that were part of the outgoing exhibition in their cages out back. The Kings Museum has been contemplating the addition of a zoo to their facilities and this was a test for them, seeing if they could handle the demands presented by live animals. They’re all safely packed away – nothing to worry about.
Mara (shudders)
-Now you tell us.
Sandman
-Think nothing of it! As I said, it’s a dead animal that will be a more lethal weapon against our foes. (Looks up at it). The whale is ninety-four feet long, and weighs 21,000 pounds. Imagine the effect of all that weight on the human body if it were dropped from that height!
Mara
-Ordinarily, I don’t want to imagine such a thing, but in this case, especially her case (she points at Shandra), I do want to imagine the bloodiest pulp imaginable!
Sandman
-Then let’s retire upstairs and get to work cutting those wires!
(They let out wicked laughter and head up the stairway)
(Close shot of the sleeping forms of Batman, Robin, Batgirl and Shandra, tied up and directly underneath the whale model)
(Close shot of the underside of the whale model, looming like a gigantic, threatening colossus)
OUR TERRIFIC TRIO OF CAPED CRUSADERS AND THEIR NEWEST ALLY,
ALL FACING THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD
IN THE FORM OF THE LARGEST CREATURE KNOWN TO MAN,
SET TO CRASH DOWN ON THEIR SHOULDERS . . .
. . . AND MORE???
(Cut to Sandman and Mara going up the stairs)
LEAVING SANDMAN AND MARA TO IMPLEMENT THEIR DASTARDLY SCHEME
TO WREAK HAVOC ON GLOBAL SECURITY?
HANG TIGHT, READER DEAR,
THROUGH OUR SHORTEST BETWEEN-SEASON BREAK YET.
FIND OUT NOVEMBER 18, 2009,
IF ALL THIS COMES TO PASS!
(Final shot of the four of them, still unconscious)
SAME BAT-WEBSITE!
SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT URL!