Morn, oh Morn, this little corner of the bar is in honor of you. For you, the Rule of Acquisition #286 exists: "When Morn leaves, it's all over!" When the times looked darkest, when the war was at its raging climax, when I lost all hope that I'd ever earn profit again, Morn, the best friend a bartender could have, would make everything better. His constancy is a reassurance, his predictability a virtue. He supported my business through both Occupations, and even helped in the war efforts by delivering a very important message. To the one and only MORN! You are always welcome to my establishment.

Facts about my absolute best customer: You first saw him when then Commander Sisko arrived at the station. Morn comes from the Ionite Nebula. The name of the race that he belongs to is not known. [The Way of the Warrior] Morn wears Vaterian wool undergarments form Garak's shop (no earmuffs). [The Way of the Warrior] Morn is very talkative, but he is selective about his audience and has not spoken on camera yet. [The Jem'Hadar] He was once caught sleeping on the Promenade. Morn once had hair. Morn has more that one heart. He likes the soup. He enjoys a Raw Slug Liver breakfast. [The Assignment] Dax once went on a date with him (she mentioned it, but I refuse to believe it). Appeared in Voyager's pilot episode. "Caretaker" He has 17 brothers and sisters, revealed to a good friend of his, Dr. Bashir. [Starship Down] Raktajino intoxicates him. Due to popular demand: There is the unconfirmed fact that Morn is an Anagram for 'Norm' (a similar character from "Cheers") He once fell asleep in Dax's quarters after a party. Morn once attended an auction in Quark's bar and purchased a 20th century Earth painting on black velvet. Worf once knocked Morn over in an attempt to impress Quark's Klingon ex-wife, Grilka. Morn went berserk after Quark commented that the station would most likely be destroyed by the Jem'Hadar soon after a Federation/Dominion war began. He smashed his bar stool over Quark's head, ripped off all his clothes and ran screaming "We're all going to die" through the Promenade. Major Kira decked him in the Bajoran shrine where he went to beg the Prophets to save him. Did I mention that when Morn leaves for business his sales drop 5% because everyone loves our number one bar fly? Morn owns a shipping business. Morn sleeps in mud. Morn once stole 1000 bricks of gold pressed latinum on mother's day with four other people, and then ran off with it. [Who Mourns for Morn?] Morn once staged his death and gave all his belongings to Quark so he could shake off his partners of the grand heist, who didn't get their cut of the loot. [Who Mourns for Morn?] I met Morn 10 years ago, and he had hair then. [Who Mourns for Morn?] Morn has two stomachs. [Who Mourns for Morn?] Morn Plays in the Holosuites with Worf every week Mark "Morn" Shepherd Facts: He has never been listed in the credits. It takes 90 minutes to complete the transformation into Morn. He may spend upwards of 14 hours at a time as the Big Guy. Mark Allen Shepherd has a degree in Biology. He drinks Gatorade, not Romulan Ale. Thanks to The Promenade Directory for the above facts regarding Morn! Here's what the other customers have to say about Morn Chief O'Brien: "Morn? Morn is the best attraction at Quark's. He's great to have around. I'd talk to him anytime." Dr. Bashir: "Morn is very sociable and just the person to share a drink with. Whenever things aren't going smoothly, just head on over to Quark's and give Morn a pat." Jadzia Dax: "I had a crush on Morn once. He's so full of mystique and subtle charm. We've dated, but it just didn't turn out. I still can't help liking the big guy though." Colonel Kira: "Morn is the only source of calm in that vortex of chaos known as Quark's. It's reassuring to have him around." Constable Odo: "In this thieves' den, Morn can be trusted to keep in line with authority. If only he could get Quark to do the same." Commander Worf: "Though he is not Klingon, Morn does know the value bloodwine. Why he cannot tolerate Raktajino is a puzzle. We enjoy the same pursuits and often meet together in the holosuites." Garak: "Morn is popular for very obvious reasons. His neutral countenance and polished social skills hide his talent for duplicity and draws unwary people into his web of deceit. Just joking, of course. However, don't discount Morn's ability." Do you have anything to say about Morn? Contribute your comment by email and I'll post it here.

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