Disclaimer: Paramount owns the Star Trek Universe. I own my story. I just took the characters just play for fun, not for profit.
Warning: This story makes lots of hints of body parts but nothing graphic. It's funny but may not be for the kids.
Note: Sorry but this story is about flooding and too much water. The small little emergencies that drive people crazy. The water work is just a reaction to the living conditions in West Central Florida March 1998. My hometown has been underwater on and off, mostly on, for three months. My twisted sense of humor just couldn't let such a great opportunity go by without torturing Tom Paris with it. Thanks to by beta readers, Lena, and PJ in NH.
Water, Water Everywhere
Copyright by Jan Monroe, 1998
Sitting in the mess hall in an ill fitting, borrowed, uniform eating Neelix's coffee substitute, Tom Paris contemplated his coffee. He used to think that his sister Peggy's coffee was the worst in the known universe but this version of Neelix's coffee substitute was even worse. Peggy's coffee at least had the consistency of coffee but Neelix's latest batch . . . When it cooled it became almost like gelatin with a bitter after taste that fit Tom's mood.
The last three days had been horrible. In most of his misadventures, he willingly admitted that he was at least partly to blame, but this one was different. It was like the spirit of Voyager was out to get him. The impossible just keep happening to him. While Tom was deep in thought about his personal part in the crisis, Harry came in looking all fresh from his away mission to a moon that had several good deposits of dilithium and frozen oxygen.
"Tom, are the replicators acting up again? That uniform is definitely not regulation," Harry talked as he poured a cup of coffee.
"Leave it alone, the last three days have been the worst of my life on Voyager."
"Isn't that a little overstated, what about when the Kazons took over, or when you evalved after the warp ten trip?" Harry asked.
"No overstatement. For the last four days, my life has been hell," Tom answered. "I've had a ceiling fall on me, had no clothes and nowhere to call my own for three days plus nothing to do."
"Can you top spending four days in a scuttle craft with a weird metallurgist and a mining ensign that liked to play with my knees and brush up against me at each and every opportunity? All I can say is that I'm glad that Seven wasn't there, or I would be dead meat," Harry started.
"I can top it, if you really do want to hear about it?" Tom asked.
"Sure."
While they were talking, the mess hall was filling with the people getting their dinner. Naomi Wildman came in and Neelix carried her tray over to where Tom and Harry were sitting. Naomi climbed up on Uncle Tommy's lap and started eating dinner. She was sure of two things, her place in the universe and her welcome on Uncle Tommy's lap. She sat quietly waiting for Tom to start his story.
The Captain and Chakotay had also came in and were sitting at the next table eating.
"It all started the night before you left. I called ship services. I heard water dripping in my quarters but I checked the bathroom and nothing was leaking or dripping.
"They had the nerve to ask 'Are you sure that it isn't just your imagination? I'm looking at my schematic and the water pipes to you quarters are in excellent condition.' I was slightly reassured and I went on to bed.
"The next day the water sound was much louder and more ominous. I called Ship's Services again and this time demanded that someone come and check my quarters. They said that they would have someone there before I was to go on duty the next morning.
"I went to bed like usual. I must have felt a few drops of water, but it wasn't enough to wake me from a sound sleep. At about 0245 I was awakened by a sharp stabbing pain and a deluge of water falling from the ceiling. Then a piece of the ruptured water main crashed down on me. Before I even got to sickbay I knew it had broken some ribs and my scapula. I was just luckily that it didn't hit my head. I would have drown in my own bed before anyone came."
"I don't remember calling for help but I felt the transporter when it started. Then I was in sick bay. Laying on a bio-bed under a soaked sheet bleeding from my . . . " Tom paused to catch his breath.
"Bleeding from where?" Harry asked with a wicked grin.
"Harry, there is a child present. Those details will not be discussed," Tom stated calmly. He knew that he was using Naomi as an excuse for not telling the most embarrassing part of the story. Arriving in sickbay with a piece of ceiling firmly stuck in his backside was not one of the most graceful moments of his life. He could hear a woman's laugh but he didn't look around, he knew that laugh and he also knew that she knew the next part of the story.
He restarted his story, "As I laid there, totally exposed, the Captain came in. She asked how I was doing and all the time all I could do was blush. The Doc was working on me, berating me for getting hurt again. I was just sleeping in my own bed. How could I possible be to blame for what happened? He drugged me and I went to sleep on the bio-bed. I slept through the chaos that followed but B'Elanna told me what happened."
"Ship's Services finally came to my quarters. They took a reading before opening the door and then replicated sandbags to keep the water out of the corridor. I've heard estimates of between 5 and 8 centimeters of water on the floor and more pouring from the water main. They had to turn off the water to stop the flooding. Deck 6 and 7 had no water so the night crew spent most of their shift trying to find temporary quarters for everyone affected.
"Sam and Naomi bunked in with Joe Carey. B'Elanna got the Captain's couch. The water had also infiltrated one of the jefferies tubes where the main power for the replicators ran so to the protect the system they turned off the replicators.
"When I woke up, the Doctor handed me a sickbay bathrobe to wear, and a plate of Neelix's breakfast surprise that was cold."
Tom looked around for Neelix, seeing that he was gone, he continued, "He ordered me to cover up and to eat. The only part of that I agreed with was the dressing. I ate enough of the breakfast to keep the Doc off my case. Warm it's fine but cold it was really bad."
"He released me from sickbay with orders to go back to my quarters and rest. Plus, he relieved me from duty for four days, according to him, 'to allow my bones to totally heal before I go out and try to break them again.' The only clothing I was wearing was a hospital gown and the bathrobe. So of course, who was the first person that I meet coming out of sickbay, Tuvok. He made comments like, 'Mr. Paris you are out of uniform.' and then said, 'If you are not dressed appropriately for the public areas of Voyager in ten minutes, I will arrest you for indecent exposure.' I think that was his way of conceding that I didn't have access to clothing is sickbay."
"The fool that I am, I thought that going to my quarters and getting clothing was the least of my worries. I got to my quarters only to find three Ship's Services guys there and sand bags across the doorway to keep the water in. Someone had striped the rooms of the furniture and all my personal items. I asked where my clothes were but they couldn't tell me. I waded into my bathroom, hoping that the cleaning crew had missed some piece of clothing, but they didn't. When I was walking out, I slipped in the water and re-broke one of my ribs. Back to Sickbay with the Doctor giving me dirty looks and administrating a sedative, 'just to help me follow orders." I woke up four hours later and then started my hunt for my clothing again."
"I got as far as Ship's Services door when Tuvok caught me, in the bathrobe and hospital gown. He escorted me to the brig considering charges of indecent exposure and insubordination for not following his order to dress earlier. I knew I had to talk fast so I told him every embarrassing detail, including how my clothes and personal items had disappeared into Ship's Services. I would have loved to follow his order but I couldn't make any new clothes and I could find any of my old ones."
"I don't think he believed me at first. He left but he came back about an hour later with the even worst news, I had not been assigned temporary housing. So I stood in the security office both homeless and clothesless. Whomever was in charge of finding temporary housing for the "displaced" had forgotten to put me on the list. Tuvok let me off the hook for the charges and even found me a place to sleep that night. The brig! Just so that I wouldn't have a chance to violate any more regulations that night." Tom could hear laughter coming from the Captain and Chakotay but he didn't stop his story.
"The only thing I can say about the accommodations were that the bed was wider than the bio-beds in sickbay. When I woke the next morning, a set of running clothes was on the floor next to the bed with a note asking that they be returned to Mr. Alexander when I found my own clothing and a commbadge. Finally, dressed, I again set off again to find my clothes. Third times a charm, right?"
"At this point, I haven't seen B'Elanna in two days with her on the night shift and me bouncing all over the place careening from one crisis to another. I finally found out where she was sleeping, the Captain's quarters. I told the computer to notify me when she woke, not the most discrete thing to do while in the mess hall." He paused in his story. He felt Naomi start to slide off his lap as she fell asleep. He reached down and adjusted her position so that he could hold her securely. He wondered who was actually supposed to be babysitting her right now but was enjoying holding her too much to ask.
"Why didn't you camp out in my quarters?" Harry asked.
"Your quarters are on deck 6 and the whole deck was locked down. Only personnel who lived there were allowed in. I actually tried. I figured that you must have some workout clothes that would fit me. The computer wouldn't let me on the deck. Okay, back to the story."
"I got to Ship's Services and the same person that I first contacted about the water sounds was there. He told me that he didn't have time to talk to me that 'Lt. Paris' quarters had first priority.' I'm standing in front of him in borrowed clothes and he didn't have the time to help me find my clothes."
"I finally got to talk Williams, the Ship's Services chief and she finally told me where my clothes were. She had a couple of people trying to dry out my furniture and personal effects in Cargo Bay 'C.' "
"I went down to the cargo bay. That was when I really started to understand how much damaged the water had done. The crew had started by drying out the stuff that would be destroyed by the water, like my books, padds and furniture. My clothes were the last thing on their list, water will not destroy clothing. They told me that I could look through the boxes of stuff they had from my quarters to search for my clothes."
"I spent two hours looking but all I found was a pile of shorts and one sock. I stuck one pair of shorts into the drying unit and then stuffed it in my pocket. At that point, the computer called me about B'Elanna. I practically raced to the Captain's quarters so that I could see her. She let me in and told me about the disaster area that my quarters had been. Like I didn't know that it was bad when the pipe fell on me."
"We got some dinner and tried to think of some place I could sleep that night. She offered me her temporary bed . . . ah. . . couch, but I had to point out that the Captain might not like a new, male roommate without being asked first."
"Chakotay was at the next table and offered to let me stay with him. Finally, I had a place to sleep. I could relax, enjoy being with B'Elanna, even if we couldn't be alone. I'll admit, being with her calmed me down a lot. When she had to go to work, I headed to Chakotay's, happy to have a place to sleep that did not involve disapproving holograms or force fields. Chakotay met me at the door with a regulation sleeping bag. I got to sleep on the floor, ensign Miller already had the couch."
"Do you know that the floor and newly healed bones don't go together?" Tom asked.
Harry just sat there and laughed. He had to admit that Tom really knew how to tell a story. Even if only part of this story was true, it was funnier than his four days.
"It was not the most restful night that I ever spent in my life. Chakotay left me his spare uniform. It was too big everywhere except the inseam, they were about 6 centimeters too short. I looked ridiculous. Before I could set off to paw through my stuff again, the Doctor called and ordered me back to sickbay for a checkup."
"I had no choice but to report to sickbay. The Doc asked such great questions as 'how are you feeling?' and then told me to drop my pants so he could check my wound for infection. So there I was exposed again, and I heard the door open. It was the Captain, who came looking for a mild pain killer for a headache. Twice in three days, she was seeing more of my body than B'Elanna was. I saw her face, I could tell that she was trying not to laugh. The situation was so ridiculous."
"I spent the rest of today helping the crew that was drying out my stuff. You know, when I came on board of this ship, all I had in my bag was four uniforms, one set of civies, four pairs of shorts, 6 books, 8 padds and a poster. I didn't realize how much stuff I had accumulated over the last five years. I had 32 padds scattered around my quarters, the most shocking part was that 19 of those were medical textbooks. I think that the Doc has plans for me that I don't even want to think about right now. I never realized just how many medical texts I've read the last two years."
"Willaims promised that she would be discrete about what the drying crew finds in all the stuff they took out of my quarters. She said that while displaying an article of B'Elanna's clothing, what it was didn't matter, but the whole crew has been looking at me and chucklingly all day. By now no one would believe what it was anyway. So much for them keeping their mouth's shut."
"I know where I'm going to be sleep tonight. The water main is fixed so everyone but me is back to their quarters. B'Elanna said that I could stay with her until mine have been fixed. Mine are still stripped but Ship's Services promised that they will have at least my bed and my personal items returned by," he paused for dramatic effect, "the day after tomorrow.
"Ships services has not figured out how three different layers of safe gaurds all failed at once and choise me as their target. According to every starfleet manual written, this was not supposted to happen."
"The other good news is that the replicators will be back on line after 2000 tonight. I finally can have clothes that fit, don't forget this has been a major goal in my life for the last three days."
Tom finished his story.
"I've got to admit that you really do know how to tell a story, now how much of it really happened?" Harry asked skeptically.
"All of it. Ask the Captain. She can tell you that the last three nights have been, at very least, interesting," Tom stated, confident that the Captain would support him.
"You really think that she will back you and this wild tale of yours?" Harry asked.
Before Tom could answer, the Captain spoke, "It really happened, Harry. All of it; including the two em-barr-assing episodes." Then she burst out in laughter as she watched Harry's eyes get bigger and bigger as he took in the whole implication of her statement.
"Can your away mission top my last three days?" Tom asked.
"No, I was just uncomfortable, my life didn't turn into a soggy mess," Harry admitted.
The end....Tom hopes.