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Television Network
P R E S E N T S
=================================================================
{The camera opens on the Oracle in a dimly lit setting ... he
stands with an expression of deep thought in his eyes.}
[Oracle]
On last week's Armaggedon ... the Oracle faced one, "Way Cool
Jr." Corey Bonham, in the squared circle. Corey Bonham saw the
Oracle's Prophecy and was defeated for a count of 1-2-3. No use
of illegal weapons to purge the dark hearted Corey Bonham ...
just the strength and skill that the powers above have bestowed
upon the Oracle to fulfil the Prophecy. Those who have not seen
it yet will soon, for they are the ones who should have the most
to fear. The Oracle has a quest, and foresees all. The AWI has
yet to see the true Prophecy that the Oracle knows of ...
{The camera fades out on Oracle still in a position of great
pondering.}
=================================================================
{Fade into a view of a technological control room reminiscent of
NORAD, complete with Irwin Allen computer banks and three very
large television screens dominating the back wall. As the opening
bars to "The Final Countdown" by Europe begins to play, a young
African-American man in an executive suit (recognizable as Jamahn
Hugo Chamberlin) reaches out and presses a big red button marked
"Deploy". The outer TV screens begin shifting scenes rapidly
through random AWI action sequences, while the center one
displays a computer generated image of a missile launch. We see
a "warhead's eye view" of the missile's flight across a virtual
landscape of mountains and hills, approaching a city skyline,
zooming down a street and finally "locking on" to an athletic
stadium. As it begins its final approach, green "LED" style
numbers begin appearing superimposed over the central screen,
while the outer ones slow to recognizable clips:
[10] Angela Dante smacking Jade Tiger with a broom;
[09] Mist Angel backflipping out of a Reverend James
chokeslam in the midst of a battle royale;
[08] "Asylum" Smith taking a flying leap into a table
with a chainsaw;
[07] Perry Toxic w/a Toxic Bomb on Riverboat;
[06] Greg Gardner w/a Skywalk Slam on Tank Bradley;
[05] Bryan Bachman hits Dan Lea with a flying bulldog;
[04] Perfection with the New Perfect Finish on The
Warbirds;
[03] Robbie Stevens & co. harassing Chad Duncan;
[02] The Fallen Angel with a double flying body press
on Dream Succubus;
[01] Steve the Insane gives Ken Mischief the Frontal
Lobotomy;
At this point, the missile strikes home, all three monitors
explode in a shower of sparks, and a logo closes in like sliding
doors from top and bottom:
_______________________________________________________________
|_______________________________________________________________|
* * * _________________ * * *
/ / / / _ _ __ __ / \ \ \
L L L / / || \ / // / / L L L
| || || | / / || \/ // / / | || || |
| || || | / / / || // / / | || || |
| || || | / /_/|_||/\_//_/ / | || || |
|_||_||_| /________________/ |_||_||_|
____ __ __ ____ _ ____ ____ _ ____ __ _
| __|\ \ / /| _ \ | | / \ / ___|| | / \ | \ | |
| |_ \ \/ / | (_) )| | | /\ | \ \ | || /\ || \ | |
| _| ) ( | __/ | | | ( ) | \ \ | || ( ) || |\ \| |
| |__ / /\ \ | | | |__ | \/ | __\ \ | || \/ || | \ |
|____|/_/ \_\|_| |____| \____/ |____/ |_| \____/ |_| \__|
_______________________________________________________________
|_______________________________________________________________|
{The dynamite burns down and the logo "explodes" into shards
which fly away to reveal a crowded arena.}
SUPERDOME, NEW ORLEANS, LA
{The view dissolves into a scene of the crowded arena, zooming
in on a large pressbox area set up in the first row, where we
see Heather Rasputin, Paul Stone, and Kyle Esprit waiting.}
[Heather Rasputin]
Welcome to NEW ORLEANS, wrestling fans! I'm Heather Rasputin, and
with me is Paul Stone as always; unfortunately, Ellis Hamilton is
on assignment, which means--
[Kyle Esprit]
Which means you are VERY privileged to host this, the next
edition of the FWA Memorial Kyle Esprit's Next Dominating
Wrestler Search and Valet Pageant!
[Rasputin]
Do you HAVE to be here?
[Esprit]
Sheesh, what's wrong with her?
[Paul Stone]
Maybe she wants in on the pageant.
[Rasputin]
DON'T encourage him, Paul ... anyhow, we're just getting ready
to kick off another exciting night of Allied Wrestling action,
and I gar-on-tee it's going to be--
{A slight commotion can be heard, and the three look to the right
just in time to see Team Stevens in the aisle; Tori Johannsen and
Jessica Perkins climb the stairs to the pressbox, as Robbie
Stevens, Tank Bradley, Toshiaki Hasegawa, and Corey Bonham split
off to enter the Blast Zone interview area on the opposite side
of the aisle. The camera cuts back to a medium shot of the
pressbox, where Tori Johannsen is pacing back and forth, looking
like she's ready to start tearing things apart.}
[Rasputin]
Well, uh, fans, it seems we've got an unschedul--
[Jessica Perkins]
{directed at Heather} SHUT UP!!!
>>BLAST ZONE<<
[Robbie Stevens]
{grabbing a microphone} You know, last week a whole lot of things
went down that more or less proved that the AWI Board of
Boneheads and Hugo are out to break up Team Stevens ... you know,
if this is how AWI treats their Champion, I know why that other
guy decided working the night shift at Arby's was better than
working here. You people should be out here kissing my butt, not
trying to screw it!
{The crowd voices its intense disagreement.}
[Stevens]
First of all, we'll start with that whole deal with Oracle and
Mist Angel last week. Where does AWI come off substituting Oracle
for ol' Misty? Corey was planning for a 220, 230 pound martial
artist. Instead, we got a 280 pound muscle bound goof to deal
with. That's like the Green Bay Packers showing up expecting to
play the Broncos and the NFL telling them "Oh, I'm sorry, the
Broncos couldn't make it, you're gonna play the Florida Marlin in
9 innings of baseball!"
That doesn't fly with me! Corey was totally thrown off his game,
but he still was laying a beating on that big doofus. And there's
only one reason why Corey lost and that was because Oracle
CHEATED!
[Rasputin]: Say WHAT?!?
[Perkins]: I SAID SHUT UP!!!
[Stevens]
Oracle used an illegal move in that match. If the referee had
bothered to check with the District of Columbia Athletic
Commission, he would be aware of the fact that the San Fernando
Driver is an illegal move in the District of Columbia.
[Corey]
DUDE! That's like, totally the truth! I read the rules. Like, if
I wanted to, I could have like, picked that bogus dude up and,
like, dumped him on his melon ... but I played by the rules.
[Robbie]
And this is how he was repaid! A top 10 wrestler who played by
the rules and he gets taken out by a surprise opponent who uses
an illegal hold to steal a victory!
Number one: we want the winner's purse and for it to go down in
the record book that we beat Misty. If he doesn't have the guts
to show up and take his beating like a man, it's not my fault!
And number two: we want decision reversed on the Oracle match. He
is disqualified for using a illegal hold!
Now, we move onto the tag tournament ... the biggest load of crap
I've heard! First off, let's start with the timing of this thing.
They just happen to schedule it the day after Joey was running
the Olympic Torch in Japan, so he had to take the red eye in just
to be here. Then after a hard fought victory by Joey and Tank,
Hugo decides to ride out on his unicycle with his thug and try to
do his wannabe suburban gangsta act. "Oh, Roadhouse Chad Swayze
wasn't a good enough partner ..."
Well, your revisionist history doesn't work with me, pal. Chad
Swayze has won several matches, including one over Jack
Robertson. And I got news for you, Hugo, "someone of equal talent
...", it just doesn't exist! Team Stevens is the top of the list
when it comes to talent. Maybe if you didn't have that goon
Oracle try to cripple Corey, he would have been my partner. But,
you saw fit to let him wrestle against another opponent when his
original opponent didn't have the guts to show up. And instead of
coming out and stopping the match before it even started, you
decided you'd rather cause more friction between Joey and myself.
Well, guess what, we're still tight!
{Joey and Robbie shake hands.}
[Stevens]
He's the brother I never had and he's the lover your girlfriend
always wanted! We wrestled to see who would advance to face the
Double Mint Twins. And that night, the Wicked Awesome Super Kick
wasn't enough to stop wrestling's fashion plate and the Walking
Weapon of Mass Destruction. I don't know where you come off
trying to put these men in the ring against two people you pull
out of your butt! Nobody told us who they are, I don't care if
it's Heckyl and Jeckyl, Beavis and Butt-head or Mutt and Jeff, if
their name isn't the Toxic Twins, we're not wrestling them
tonight, tomorrow or next week!
And you just try to throw us out of the tournament pal! You just
try it and I'll get my lawyers, Dewey, Cheatum and Howe on the
phone and they'll sue the pants off of you! And I won't give them
back either. Judging from the sad faces on all these ladies out
here, I can see the need a good laugh seeing as they're all upset
they can't have us as their boyfriends.
You see, I'm the champ! I'm the ratings getter! And it's about
time I was treated with some respect! People come to see the Most
Feared Foot in Wrestling, the Walking Weapon of Mass Destruction,
the Fashion Plate of Wrestling and ... Corey, too! USeW was on
their hands and knees begging the Future of Wrestling to stay
when I was over there, but I said "No, I'm with AWI!" So then
they asked me for the number of that Arby's ... but if I don't
get my way, you just might find yourselves cancelled just like
Chevy Chase! So there!
{Robbie throws down the microphone and Team Stevens, including
Tori and Jessica, leave the arena.}
>>PRESSBOX<<
[Rasputin]
Fans, this is just ... I don't know *what* to say about it.
[Stone]
Ask Robbie -- he seems to have enough to say for everyone!
[Esprit]
Hey! He's just fighting injustice the old-fashioned way: by
exercising his First Amendment rights! Bravo, Robbie!
[Rasputin]
{sigh} Fans, we'll be back with our opening match after these
messages ...
=================================================================
{Outside the arena AWI cameras spot Jason Wrath as he pulls up in
a black Mitsubishi Eclipse. Wrath steps out of the car dressed
from head to toe in black. Black boots, slacks, turtle neck, and
shades carrying an AWI duffle bag.}
[Jason Wrath]
Yeah, I figured you'd have your sorry butts back here waiting to
hound me about the Mississippi Kid and Bryan Bachman. {Spits on
the ground} Bachman, you're a loser just like I said all along.
You've been ducking me for two months now and when you do show
your ugly mug, you lose to some inbred redneck like the kid. God,
I swear!
{He continues talking to the camera over his shoulder as he
walks into the arena.
[Wrath]
As I was saying ... Bachman, you're really worthless. Now after
I kick your ass, I have to go through that stupid hick to prove
I'm the best in the Light Heavyweight Division. See, you could
have saved you and the Kid a serious beating if you would have
just listened to reason. But NOOOOOO! You have to do it the hard
way. And tonight instead of matching me up against Bachman or
Hill Billy Hick, I've got to fight Justice. What the hell is
that all about!?
{Bachman reaches his dressing room and pauses before he turns to
face the camera.}
[Wrath]
You see, it's quite obvious to me the AWI doesn't realize the
superstar they have on their hands, or else I would have been
every card they ever had since I've been here. But no, we have
to beat around the bush and play this stupid game of cat and
mouse. Fine by me. I'll just go through any and everybody they
put in front of me. Bachman, The Kid, Sim, Revi, Masters ...
hell, makes no difference to me. When it's all said and done,
I'll be the king of the hill and the AWI will be at my feet.
We'll see who's running things then. Now beat it! I'm outta here!
=================================================================
{Camera fades back to the arena, where ring announcer Rod Allen
is taking the microphone.}
[Rod Allen]
Laaadies and Gentleman!!! This ... is ... AWI EXPLOOOOOOOOSION!!!
{The crowd cheers wildly for the privilege of being on TV, as the
camera runs across one of the ringside front seat rows. Signs can
be seen reading "GET WELL ANGELA", "STRAITE IS GREAT", and
"JAMAHN FEARS ROBBIE STEVENS".}
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentleman, your first match for tonight is set for one
fall ... first, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-four pounds
... the "Hardliner", Jason Wraaaaaath!!!
{Jason stomps down to ringside looking as angry now as he did
just before the commercial break; the flurry of boos and jeering
thumbs from the crowd don't improve his mood any.}
[Rod Allen]
And his opponent ... weighing in at two-hundred and fifty pounds
... from the Badlands of North Dakota ...
{The fans begin to cheer wildly as "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad
World" by Tom Cochrane begins to play.}
[Rod Allen]
JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTICE!!!
{Justice heads down to the ring with a calm but determined
expression. He steps through the ropes and squares off with
Jason as the bell sounds. They lock up in a collar-elbow
tieup, which Wrath breaks with a kneelift. Justice grabs Wrath
and whips him into the corner, following him in with a
clothesline; he steps back, and scoops up Jason for a bodyslam.}
[Stone]: Is it just me, or is Justice a tad more so-intense-
it's-scary than usual tonight?
[Rasputin]: I'd call him /extremely/ focussed Paul--he wants
to prove he hasn't been thrown off-course by the actions of
the Shepherd's Flock last week.
[Esprit]: HA! That isn't focus, that's FEAR, Heather ... he
wants to beat Jason as quickly as possible, because every
new second brings him closer to another beatdown ... he can
here them coming down the aisle behind him, step ... step
... step ...
[Stone]: AIIIIGHHH!!
[Rasputin]: {sigh} You're safe, Paul.
{Justice drops to one knee to apply a hammerlock, but Wrath pops
him in the face with a back elbow. The two both stand, and Wrath
smashes him with a series of three double-axehandles.}
[Rasputin]: Wrath going to work on the neck of Justice ...
{He grabs Justice in a front facelock, then swings him around for
a neckbreaker.}
[Rasputin]: And now he *wrenches* the neck hard -- Jason is
obviously looking to pave an easy road for "The Hard
Way" ...
[Stone]: Well, paving a hard road for the "Easy Way" just
wouldn't work.
{Both men stand; Jason snap mares Justice, and chops him with
another double axehandle to the back of the neck. Justice stands
up, and Jason closes for an attack, but Justice hiptosses him
instead.}
[Rasputin]: HARD turnabout maneuver for Justice! And --
Jason Wrath with a cheap counter ...
{Jason Wrath puts a chokehold on Justice as he's picked up;
Justice breaks out with a forearm smash, then neckbreakers
Wrath.}
[Rasputin]: ... for all the good it does him!!
{Justice puts Wrath in a hammerlock.}
[Esprit]: Talk about your biased reporting! Just HOW was
that cheap?
{Wrath escapes from the hammerlock, and Justice headbutts him.
Both men stand, and Justice hits him with a dropkick. He picks up
Wrath, and whips him to the ropes; running to the other side,
he's cut off by a kneelift from Jason. Jason falls back a step to
recover for a moment, then slaps on another chokehold, which he
uses for leverage into a Russian legsweep.}
[Rasputin]: Wrath *again* with the cheap tactics -- WHOA!!
[Stone]: My throat hurts, suddenly.
[Esprit]: There you go again ... the only thing cheap about
this match is how much Justice is going to be worth
after the ref counts the pinfall!
{Both men stand, and Jason again uses the chokehold; he tries to
drag Justice facefirst across the ropes, but Justice counters
with a jawbreaker. Justice picks Wrath up and sends him to the
ropes; rebounding off the opposite ropes, he's again cut short,
this time by a bulldog lariat. Wrath sets up another Russian
legsweep, but Justice blocks, and throws him down with a
hiptoss.}
[Stone]: HELL-o! Justice may be blind, but he's a fast
learner ...
{Justice picks up Wrath and sends him to the ropes.}
[Stone]: HERE we go -- third time's a charm!
{Justice rebounds from the other side only to take a kneelift,
followed by an axehandle to the back of the head.}
[Stone]: {almost mumbling} Um, or maybe not ...
{He responds with a forearm smash to the gut, but Wrath gets
behind him and slaps on a cobra clutch; Justice jawbreakers his
way out.}
[Stone] Would we say, thus, that Justice performed well in
the clutch?
[Rasputin] {groan} No, WE wouldn't. You go right ahead.
{Wrath DDTs Justice before he can recover fully, and puts on a
trapezius pinch. Justice struggles for a long moment, then breaks
out and scoops up Wrath for a fallaway slam.}
[Rasputin]: BIG recovery by the bigger man ...
{He picks Wrath up, and whips him to the ropes.}
[Stone]: {groan} Oh, no -- {almost whisper} please no knee,
please no knee ...
{Justice catches Wrath in a sleeper.}
[Rasputin]: And Justice snares Jason Wrath in a sleephold!
This could be it!!!
[Esprit]: Not a chance ... there's isn't a guality wrestler
in the world who'd lose a match like this ...
[Stone]: You want me to forward that on to Tank Bradley?
[Esprit]: Are you trying to get me killed? Besides, I have
it on the best authority Bradley was being illegally choked.
[Rasputin]: Kyle, Robbie is a less-than-reliable source.
[Esprit]: Just what are you trying to say?
{Wrath escapes the sleeper, throws a shortarm clothesline, and
makes a cover, but for no count. Both men get up, and Wrath
brings down Justice with a swinging neckbreaker. He picks him up,
but gets clotheslined, and Justice puts on a Boston crab.}
[Rasputin]: Wrath is down -- AND THERE'S THE SUMMONS!!!
[Esprit]: NO! C'mon, Wrath, you're better than this ...
{Wrath breaks out, and Justice drags him to his feet, sending
him to the ropes again; on the rebound ...}
[Rasputin]: SUNSET FLIP BY JUSTICE! 1... 2... and 3!!!
[Esprit]: I can't believe it!
[Rasputin]: You can't believe Justice won?
[Esprit]: I can't believe the referee missed that handful of
tights!
[Rasputin]: Oh, brother ...
[Stone]: Heather, can I get a new monitor? Mine doesn't
come in Kyle-o-vision.
[Rasputin]
We've got to go to a commercial -- we'll be back in a moment ...
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL
=================================================================
{The camera opens up on Mike Kirwan and Carlos Mendoza already in
the ring.}
[Rasputin]: We're back, fans! Kirwan and Carlos are just
taking their places as this match is ready to begin ...
{They lock up in a collar-elbow tieup, which Kirwan quickly turns
to an armbar. Carlos escapes, and Kirwan follows with a
hammerlock. Carlos breaks, and Kirwan bodyslams him.)
[Rasputin]: Not the most surprising beginning on the part of
Kirwan, but you can't argue his effectiveness.
[Esprit]: You can argue his choice of managers! He's one of
the World Tag Team champions, part of the most dominating
and feared team of our generation -- and Perfection and the
Toxics get all the press!
[Rasputin]: You're suggesting Intensive Care should get rid
of Dr. Robert Lupo?
[Esprit]: All I'm saying is, if Intensive Care was part of
the Corps d'Esprit, they'd be the talk of the AWI.
[Stone]: Yeah, but that'd be true if they lost the belts.
{Kirwan picks up Carlos, but get put in a spinning wristlock;
Carlos breaks his own hold by a savate kick, then snap mares
Kirwan as he stands up before applying a reverse chinlock.}
[Rasputin]: And a surprising turn of the tables on the part
of Carlos here ...
[Stone]: Now they'll call him Mike "Stretchy" Kirwan.
{Kirwan shakes off the hold, and both stand; Mendoza attempts a
dropkick to the back of the head, but Kirwan ducks, and slaps a
wakigatme on Mendoza.}
[Esprit]: That's what you get for trying to outwrestle Mike
Kirwan. The man's simply dangerous, and the only effective
hold in Mendoza's arsenal would be begging for mercy.
[Stone]: Can you teach it to him if he becomes a Corps
member?
{Mendoza breaks, and reapplies a reverse chinlock; Kirwan takes
longer to break out this time, and when they get up, Mendoza
repeats the dropkick for a success.}
[Rasputin]: I'm not sure if Kirwan's /ever/ been kept this
even before ... almost makes you wonder what Mendoza's
secret is.
[Esprit]: He cheats!
[Rasputin]: I hardly think--
[Stone]: The secret's simple. Kirwan's wrestled tag almost
exclusively since coming to the AWI, whereas Mendoza's a
talented and experienced singles wrestler. We're seeing
unfamiliarity in action.
[Rasputin]: Paul, I'm impressed ... you've picked up quite a
bit about wrestling in your time here, haven't you?
[Stone]: Actually, I'm reading some crib notes Stan gave me.
{He stands up Kirwan and fells Mike with a Russian legsweep, then
makes a cover, but Kirwan throws him off before the count.}
[Rasputin]: Pin Nazi! No count for you!
[Esprit]: What do you expect, trying that cheap junk with a
master wrestler of Mike Kirwan's caliber?
{Carlos hits him with a forearm, then sends him to the ropes,
rebounding himself and leaping into a bulldog lariat. Both men
return to their feet, and Carlos puts on an armwringer. He
leverages Kirwan into a bent position, and swings him into a
neckbreaker. As they get up, Carlos DDTs Kirwan. He then pulls
him up into another wristlock; Kirwan reverses it into a
hammerlock.}
[Esprit]: That's what you get for stealing intellectual
property, Mendoza -- Mike Kirwan's the innovator of breaking
arms!
[Rasputin]: I *hardly* think that was Mendoza's intentions--
[Esprit]: You mean you hardly think, period.
{Carlos breaks out of the lock, and Kirwan scoops him up and
bodyslams him arm-first, then belly-to-belly suplexes him when
he staggers up.}
[Rasputin]: BIG offensive from Mike Kirwan -- who decides to
take things outside! That CAN'T bode well for El Scorpion.
{Kirwan rolls Carlos out of the ring and puts on a wristlock,
but Carlos breaks out and smacks him with a forearm;
unfortunately, he doesn't see Asylum John coming from behind,
and he gets hit with a leaping steel chair shot.}
[Rasputin]: Oh, NO!
[Esprit]: YES! HAHA!!! Now THAT'S what these fans come to see!
[Stone]: Well, yeah, but it's not what they *wanted* to see.
{Mike stretches out an arm on the floor, and Smith climbs the
ringpost.}
[Rasputin]: This is -- my god, they're trying to cripple him!!
[Esprit]: Your point being, baby? That's what Intensive Care
DOES -- nice to see they remembered it!
{Asylum jumps off with a flying chair drop.}
[Rasputin]: NO! Right on that arm -- this is *atrocious*!
Can't Clay do anything about this?!?
[Esprit]: Clay's too busy remembering what comes after
"twelve" ... then what comes after "thirteen" ... then--
[Rasputin]: {irritated} We get the IDEA, Kyle ... and
THERE'S CHRIS SIM!!!
>>AISLE<<
{Chris Sim runs down to ringside.}
>>RING<<
{Intensive Care rolls Mendoza back into the ring. Mike slides
back inside and throws on a combination half-nelson/hammerlock,
while Chris Sim begins punching it out with Asylum.}
[Rasputin]: Oh -- look at the pain written on Carlos
Mendoza's face -- the stress this hybrid armlock puts on
that joint, already abused by Intensive Care's unforgivable
tactics ...
[Esprit]: Oh, boo-hoo -- law of the four-sided jungle, Ras.
I don't see his "friend" Sim holding back on John Smith
there, do you?
{Mendoza manages to make his way to the ropes, and Kirwan breaks
the hold; he drags Carlos to his feet, and straitjacket suplexes
him, then makes a cover: 1 ... Carlos kicks out.}
[Rasputin]: AMAZING! Carlos Mendoza would seem to have nothing
left to give, and yet he keeps on fighting ...
[Esprit]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's such a giver. Carlos Mendoza
spreads half his paycheck around thirty different charities.
United Gimps, the American Sprain Society, the Thousand
Point-Headed-Twits-Who-Don't-Have-The-Sense-To-Stay-Out-Of
The-Ring ... of Light.
[Rasputin]: Asylum is retreating to the opposite corner,
apparently on Lupo's instruction -- the Doctor must have
decided that this is not the important fight ... but if
you ask me, John Smith is NOT happy about it ...
{Kirwan picks him up and gives him a short-arm clothesline, then
(without letting go) pulls him back to his feet and whips him to
the rope; as Carlos comes back, he spins him in a tilt-a-whirl
shoulderbreaker, and reapplies the hammer/nelson.}
[Rasputin]: I can't *believe* the punishment Mike Kirwan is
dishing out -- and Carlos just will not quit!!!
[Esprit]: Where are YOU, honey? Just listen -- he's quit
every time Kirwan puts a finger on him -- he's just been
beaten so hard he can't remember to put it in ENGLISH so
that Clay can understand!
{Carlos breaks the hold, and Mike puts on a hammerlock, then
locks the other arm while standing up. Carlos breaks out, and
Mike spins him around, then belly-to-belly suplexes him, staying
down for the cover: 1 ... 2 ... Carlos gets a shoulder up. Mike
puts on a wakigatme armbar; the referee stops the match during
the hold.}
[Rasputin]: Uh-oh ... referee Clay Evans is signalling for
the bell -- did he submit?
[RA]
Ladies and gentlemen ... the referee has declared Carlos Mendoza
unable to continue ... the winner of this match, due to referee
decision ... "Stretcher" Mike Kiiiiiirwan!!!
[Rasputin]: Oh, no ... what a fighter -- Carlos Mendoza may
have suffered serious injury tonight, and yet he would NOT
give up!
{Chris Sim heads into the ring to check on Carlos's condition.}
[Esprit]: Save the spin for Slick Willie, Heather -- Carlos
is DOWN, and if he's smart he's gonna STAY that way!
=================================================================
{"Bulldog" Bryan Bachman is on the treadmill in a gym, jogging
along at a decent clip, though it doesn't seem to be impacting
his ability to breathe easily and speak.}
[Bryan Bachman]
Well, I am surprised. Mississippi Kid you came back and gave me a
hell of a touch match. I like to see that kind of guts.
Wrath. You want me? You got me! Is it me you were after or just
a belt? I've got no belt, a free schedule and a bone to pick. You
interfered in my match with the Kid and that makes me pretty
angry. So clear a space in your date book and I'll give you a
reminder about what happened the last time the Bulldog sank his
teeth into you.
First, though, I've Kerry Masters. This is going to be another
tough match. But Masters, I'm coming off of losing one title,
I'm not ready to give up a shot at another without a pretty
serious fight. I'll see you in the ring.
=================================================================
{Back to the ring, and Rod Allen}
[RA]
Our next match tonight is set for one fall ... introducing
first, from the city of Madison, Wisconsin ... weighing in at
two-hundred and twenty-nine pounds ...
{The crowd begins to cheers ing accompaniment to "You Ain't Seen
Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.}
... "Bulldog" Bryyyaaan Bachman!!!
{Bachman jogs down the aisle, slapping hands with the fans.}
And his opponent for this match ... weighing in at two-hundred
and twenty-one pounds ... from the city of Orlando, Florida ...
{"Gett Off" by The Artist Then Known As Prince begins to play,
and the crowd cheers louder yet.}
"The AWESOME One" ... KEEERRRYYY MAAAAAAAAASTERS!!!
{Kerry struts his way down to ringside, soaking up the cheers,
and climbs into the ring. He sizes up Bachman, then extends a
hand; Bachman hardly hesitates before shaking, then they back
away and resquare for the opening.}
[Rasputin]: And so we begin with a refreshing display of
sportsmanship from these two great athletes -- uh ...
[Stone]: OH boy ...
{Camera cuts to the pressbox, where "War Machine" Greg Gardner
is stepping in, wearing jeans and a windbreaker. He takes a
seat next to Heather, and puts on a spare headset.}
[Gardner]
Konichiwa, Heather, Paul, {more sourly} Esprit ... I'd have
bought a ticket and all, but ... well, you looked like you could
use some insurance after Wannabe Local 431's little display just
now...
[Rasputin]
No complaints here.
[Esprit]
/I'VE/ got a--{BZZT}
{Camera cuts to Kerry, darting in to lock an armbar on Bachman;
he then quickly snaps it into a single-arm DDT. He picks up
Bachman's legs, and somersaults forward to pin him.}
[Rasputin]: Jackknife pin by Kerry -- no count ...
[Esprit]: Very funny ... which of you pulled my mic out?
[Stone]: I cannot tell a lie ... it was Greg.
[Gardner]: It was?
[Stone]: Trust me on this.
[Esprit]: Anyway, this reminds of me something Ellis told me
... he said to watch for early pinfalls -- that Kerry's
afraid he's too rusty to take Bachman head-on, so he'll hope
to get lucky. A sad, sad day when a great wrestler like
Kerry Masters sinks to such a level ...
[Gardner]: Well, maybe. But anyone who knows Kerry -- and
believe you me, *I* know Kerry -- could tell you that
"scared" isn't in his vocabulary ... which is amazing,
given how much of a vocabulary he needs in a day.
{Both men get up, and Masters dropkicks Bachman. He climbs up
to the top rope, waits for Bachman to stand, then jumps off to
hit him with a flying thrust kick.}
[Rasputin]: Kerry heading up top -- FOR THE AWESOME AERIAL
ATTACK! And he makes another cover ... 1 ... 2 ... Bryan
kicks out!
[Stone]: We're going to hear that last line a lot tonight,
aren't we ...
[Gardner]: {chuckle} Oh, yeah.
{Kerry applies an armbar before Bachman can get up. He whips
Bryan into the ropes, and rebounds from the other side to fell
him with a jumping leg lariat. He follows it with a somersault
legdrop. Bachman headbutts him on the floor, then grabs him by
the arm and hits him with a short-arm clothesline.}
[Rasputin]: So much for ring rust on the part of Kerry ...
but Bachman's back AWFULLY quick ...
[Stone]: That's what he does. He's the Energizer.
[Esprit]: Let's hope he becomes just like the Energizer
bunny -- and gets stuffed.
{Bryan scoops up Kerry, who backflips over his shoulder, then
kicks him away before dropkicking him and landing another
somersault legdrop. He goes to the top rope, flies off with a
dropkick, and misses.}
[Rasputin]: Kerry showing his edge in agility here ... going
up top again -- NOBODY HOME for that dropkick! Kerry
probably wishes he had that one back.
[Esprit]: I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- the
Mississippi Queen made Kerry soft, and he hasn't recovered
YET! The hocus, the pocus, and of COURSE the focus just
aren't there anymore!
[Gardner]: Oh, I wouldn't go blaming the Queen -- after all,
I'm sure she'll be watching this taped *sometime*, and the
FWA archives have some *interesting* things to say about
your mouth, your foot, and her temper. {beat} To be honest,
this might just be Kerry's fault, in a way: he's chosen to
push himself against larger men than himself for some time.
He's gotta adjust his pace to beat Bryan. Among many other
things.
{Bulldog drags him up and whips him to the corner, then lays in
a trio of kicks. Masters rakes the eyes, then puts on an armbar,
quickly dropping it to a single-arm DDT.}
[Gardner]: {sigh} {mutter} The more things change ...
[Esprit]: Now THAT's more like it ... it won't be much
longer before Masters figures out what made him the Awesome
One in the first place--and I DON'T mean the fans ... hmm,
you know, I hadn't CONSIDERED him for the Corps, but ...
{Bachman kicks him on the floor, and stands up, but Masters
brings him back down with a drop toehold, then stands up and
delivers another somersault legdrop.}
[Rasputin]: Kerry keeping control of this match ... and
scores with a third somersault legdrop!
[Esprit]: Sound and fury, signifying nothing. Bachman won't
even need an Excedrin to shake that off. C'mon, Kerry --
find your heritage ... some fan's sitting on one just
outside the ring, and if you hurry, you can get to one
before Bachman does!
[Gardner]: You know, if you're so hip to offer advice, I can
always throw you down to the ring ...
{He picks up Bachman, whips him to the ropes, and Bachman comes
back with a forearm smash, then whips Masters to the corner. He
closes in the corner, and Masters hits him below the belt; Kerry
climbs the top, and jumps off with a dropkick -- and misses
again.}
[Gardner]: {critically} Still pacing for three-hundred
pounds, Kerry ...
[Rasputin]: Wait a minute ... Bachman shoves Masters away as
the two get to their feet, and pushes him through the ropes
... he's taking this to the outside now ... OHH, what a
backbreaker!
[Esprit]: What kind of phony boyscout is Bachman, anyway? He
can't show up Masters in the ring, so he has to start
bashing the Awesome One into the concrete?
{He follows up with a short-arm clothesline and a double
axhandle.}
[Rasputin]: And Bachman back in the ring, as Masters
struggles to find his bearings on the outside ... he'd
better hurry, the ref's already on 15 ...
[Stone]: Either that, or it's just the new math.
[Rasputin]: Masters up to his feet now ... it's a race to
the ring as the ref hits 18 ... 19 ... and I think he made
it in -- no, wait, the ref's calling for the bell!
[RA]
Ladies and gentleman ... the winner of this bout, as the result
of a count-out ... BULLDOG Bryan BACHMAN!!!
[Rasputin]: And the Awesome One seems terribly upset about
the ref's call on that one -- he may have a point, too.
[Esprit]: Kerry needed to use this passion when he was still
fighting. The ringside steps wouldn't have hurt, either.
{Kerry steps into the ring and stares at Bachman for a tense
moment, then extends his hand again. Bachman pauses for a moment,
and shakes it.}
[Esprit]: YEAH! NOW HIT HIM, KERRY!
[Rasputin]: I think it really is just a friendly handshake,
Kyle.
[Stone]: No, no, I think Kyle's on to something ... just
look at how hostile that shake is ... oh, there's murder in
that greeting, I tell you.
[Esprit]: Are you mocking me?
[Stone]: You? No, never. You might shake my hand.
[Rasputin]: I think it's time for another commercial ...
[Esprit]: Yeah -- it'd be cruel to subject our audience to
the horrors of a wimpified Kerry Masters ...
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL
=================================================================
{Camera fades into the Blast Zone, where Chad stands with a
microphone, the video wall behind him displaying the Explosion
logo.}
[Chad Duncan]
Ladies and Gentlemen... my next guests have already made a rather
unusual splash in the AWI... please welcome... and also welcome
BACK... Jayson "Fury" Michaels... and Hector "Power" Martinez...
they are... INTENSITY!!!!
{"People Of The Sun" by Rage Against The Machine keys up, as the
two musclebound men walk to the Blast Zone. Both wear black
wrestling singlets with red fire markings and white bottoms. The
first (Jayson) is a Black male, while longtime AWI fans recognize
the Hispanic man as Power from the rulebreaking team "The Real
Americans".}
[Duncan]
Gentlemen ... allow me to be the first to welcome you, Jayson, to
the AWI, and welcome you back, Power.
[Fury]
{In a very subdued voice, much like Christopher Walken} Thank
you, Mr. Duncan ... it's good to be here ... amongst the best
competition in wrestling today. I only wish our debut could have
been slightly less ... explosive.
[Duncan]
Ah ... I see you're making reference to this, which occurred
immediately after the match between Cross Body and Headbangers
2001 ...
{As Chad says this, the video wall forming the backside of the
Blast Zone begins displaying scenes of the Toxic Twins attacking
Waylon Templar and Isaiah O'Brien of Cross Body, when Intensity
rushes the ring to fend them off.}
[Duncan]
Quite a beginning for you -- but I must ask: why the
intervention? You had no reason to help Cross Body ... and, to be
honest, Mr. Martinez ... those are not the types of actions you
would have had in your past AWI stay ...
[Power]
{Yelling into the mike} WELL CHAD ... YOU'RE RIGHT!!! I DID A LOT
OF DIRT BEFORE!!! KICKED ALOT OF AS-- BUTT ... TOOK A LOTTA
NAMES!!! NOT ALL OF IT WAS RIGHT!!! IN FACT ... MOST OF IT
WASN'T!!! BUT ALL OF THAT'S CHANGED NOW!!!
[Duncan]
{rubbing his ears} What has changed?
[Fury]
Quite fortunately, Chad... the Real Americans are dead. This man
{pounds Power on the chest} has managed to start over ... and
start it right this time. Intensity is what he's about ... and
what Intensity is about is wrestling great matches, and doing it
all above board. But what we like most is stopping the punks and
freaks that can't handle it above board from damaging those that
can.
[Duncan]
I take it you're making reference to the Toxic Twins and their
attack on Cross Body?
[Power]
THAT'S RIGHT CHAD!!!!
{Chad steps back a bit, extending his arm so that Power isn't
yelling into his ear}
[Power]
WHAT YOU TRIED TO DO TO CROSS BODY, TOXICS ... THAT WASN'T
RIGHT!!! WHY DON'TCHA TRY TO TAKE SOMEBODY OUT STRAIGHT UP,
HUH?!?!? HEY!!! Y'ALL!!! {Addresses the crowd} WHO WANTS TO SEE
THE TOXICS GET THEIR BUTTS KICKED UP AND DOWN THE RING?!?!
{crowd cheers approval}
[Fury]
Allow me to state what my exuberant friend is saying in another
way. Toxic Twins ... you are a boil upon the face of our sport.
Wrestlers like you are the reason why wrestling is compared to
Jerry Springer and not seen by some as the true competition it
is. So we would love it ... we would be grateful ... for a chance
to show you, first hand, how real competitors wrestle. We thought
Cross Body'd shown you, but apparently not. So ... anytime you're
ready for your lesson, get Tamara to sign on the dotted line.
[Power]
AND JUST LIKE ALWAYS ... IT'S GONNA BE /ON/!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!
{"People Of The Sun" kicks back up, as the duo makes their way
back to the locker room to confident crowd cheers.}
>>RING<<
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen ... your next bout is set for one fall, and
is for the World Television Championship ... already in the ring
at this time, weighing in at 285 lbs ... "Big Man" Mike Farrell!
{Mike raises a fist in the air and bellows, but no one seems to
care.}
[Rod Allen]
And his opponent ... weighing in at pounds ... Robbie
Steeeeeeeeeeevens!
{Robbie comes down to ringside with the whole Team Stevens crew,
and grabs a mike as he steps into the ring.}
[Robbie Stevens]
Mike, as a tough a challenge as you are ... let's face it, you're
not Robbie Stevens!
[Stone]: For which he thanks God and his mother every
morning of his life ...
[Robbie]
And AWI is about to learn a painful lesson. I said I get all the
ratings, well, now you pay for treating Robbie Stevens poorly.
Don't blink, because you're about to see the fastest title
defense in AWI history ...
{Robbie throws down the mike and dropkicks Mike Farrell. As Mike
gets up, he throws a couple of punches to daze him, then wraps
him into a small package -- with a foot on the ropes.
[Rasputin] And there's the count ... 1 ... and Farrell's
out.
[Stone] I'm not sure which is worse -- that he cheated
against Mike Farrell, or that it didn't work.
[Esprit] You're missing the greater strategy here, Paul --
which shouldn't surprise me, since you've never handled a
wrestler before. Robbie's softening Mike up, letting him
build up a false sense of confidence.
[Stone] Did you ever notice how often "false" and "Robbie"
come up together in combination?
{Robbie rakes him in the face, then knees him in the groin, spins
him around and runs at the ropes for a reverse rollup, with a big
handful of tights. THIS time, he squeezes out a three count.}
[Rod Allen]
Your winner, and still Television Champion ... ROBBIE STEVENS!!!
[Esprit]: Bravo! Another Stevens triumph!
[Rasputin]: More like another Stevens travesty ...
=================================================================
("The End is the Beginning is the End" by Smashing Pumpkins plays
softly in the background as the screen goes dark ... a multitude
of wrestling scenes pop up, all involving the same black, silver,
and orange-clad wrestler: leg-lariating an opponent off the
ropes, nailing a plancha to the outside, reversing a piledriver,
and somersaulting off the top to land on an opponent's shoulders,
followed by a victory roll ... almost as soon as the scenes pop
up, they seem to "liquify" into flames, which pour into the shape
of first a skeleton, then a humanoid shape around the skeleton,
then finally the image of the wrestler himself ...
[Voice-over]: El Hombre Octubre ... a creation of myth and
legend, his home is the darkest reaches of the human frailty
... he is the threat just around the corner of a million
dark alleys, never seen but keenly felt ... born of darkness
and fire, he now fights for light and honor, and woe befall
those who oppose him.
{The screen dissolves Octubre away, to start building again, this
time in monochrome green lines form a blueprint-like "draft",
with computer pop-up windows opening up from various newly-
designed body parts to reveal the wrestler powerslamming his foe,
a series of devastating clotheslines, and an odd kind of
"fadeaway powerbomb," trotting backwards for a few steps before
planting his opponent ... eventually, the blueprint colors itself
in to reveal ...}
[Voice-over]: The Tomorrow Man ... a creation of science and
technology, his home is the dreams of visionaries... he is
the promise of one step beyond, the breakthrough that
changes the playing field by mere existence ... engineered
for the future, he seeks to perfect the present, and woe
befall those who obstruct him.
{The screen dissolves one more time, into the circuitry-laced
fiery face which is the logo of ...}
[Voice-over]: FUTURE SHOCK. There is no time to prepare ...
=================================================================
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen ... the next bout is a tag team match set
for one fall ... as an opening round of the NORTH AMERICAN TAG
TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP tournament, there will be no time limit --
there MUST be a winner! The first competitors ... as selected by
Allied Wrestling International's Commissioner, Jamahn Hugo
Chamberlin ... at a combined total weight of five hundrend and
fifty pounds ... Hector "Power" Martinez and Jayson "Fury" ...
IIIIIIIINTENSITYYYYYYYYY!!!
{The crowd cheers as "People of the Sun" by Rage Against the
Machine fills the PA system, and the two big men jog down to the
ring, with enough enthusiasm you expect to see sparks.}
[Rod Allen]
AND their opponents for tonight ... weighing in at a combined
total of five hundred and eighty-nine pounds ... Toshiaki
Hasegawa and Scott "Tank" Bradley ... AGONY ... AND ...
ECSTASY!!!
{The crowd boos as "A View To A Kill" by Duran Duran comes over
the PA, and Robbie Stevens comes down the aisle -- alone -- with
a ring microphone.}
[Robbie]
*THIS* is your "competition" ... you know Hugo, you're lucky I
don't go in the back, get Roadhouse and have him come out here
and slap these guys all around the arena all by himself.
But, I'm not about to let you ambush us again ... even if these
two guys are absolute schlubs that I could beat with one hand
tied behind my back ... so you chumps can wait a week to
consider the beating you're gonna receive.
{Chamberlain walks out from the back to the Blast Zone and grabs
a microphone.}
[Chamberlin]
Hey, Robbie? You seem to have mixed me up with someone who
DOESN'T sign your paychecks! I don't think ANYONE here tonight
is gonna boo-hoo to see Robbie Stevens absent from the rest of
this tournament ... I've already *made* this match happen -- it
starts NOW, and seeing as your boys aren't in the ring, they've
got 20 to stay contenders! {He looks at tthe referee} Count it!
[Gardner]: Well, I may not agree with everything he's got to
say, but I think he's got his Robbie chops down ...
{The bell rings to start the match as the referee begins to make
his count; the crowd begins to chant along with the referee.}
[Crowd]
ONE ... TWO ... THREE ... FOUR ... FIVE ... SIX ...
SEVEN ... EIGHT ... NINE ...
{Robbie totally starts flipping out at the crowd starts counting
to the point he's hopping up and down and turning colors, he's
so mad.}
[Crowd]
TEN ... ELEVEN ... TWELVE ... THIRTEEN ... FOURTEEN ...
[Robbie]
NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
[Crowd]
FIFTEEN ... SIXTEEN ... SEVENTEEN ...
[Robbie]
I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE YOU ...
{At this point, Bradley and Hasegawa hop the rail *opposite*
the ring aisle, having sequestered themselves in the stand.}
[Rasputin]: I -- oh, we should have KNOWN! This was a
*set-up*!
[Stone]: Ehhhh -- actually, I think Robbie really WAS kinda
hopin' Chamberlin'd let him have the night off. You don't
fake that shade of blue.
{They hit the ring, and Hasegawa slides inside, smacking "Power"
in the groin as he turns around. He legdrags Power down, then
shows off for the crowd with a "catwalk strut".}
[Esprit]: The Fashion Plate of the AWI showing off what he
does best -- loo-king GOOD ... almost as good as me.
{Finishing just in time to take Power down again with a second
legdrag, then pulls him to a kneel and neckbreakers him. He
dashes to the ropes and hits Power with a handspring hip check as
he rebounds, but Power stays on his feet.}
[Rasputin]: He just BOUNCED! Amazing!
{Hasegawa seems stunned by that, but recovers in time to throw a
dropkick that does take Power down. He tries a small package, but
Power uses his momentum to roll out.}
[Rasputin]: Quick pinning combination by Toshiaki Hasegawa
-- no! An impressive scientific counter from Hector
Martinez!
{Power puts on a half nelson, lifts up Hasegawa, and suplexes him.
Toshiaki rakes the eyes, then puts on a stepover toehold. Power
manages to break it, and Toshiaki chokes him, then stands up to
run to the ropes; Power staggers to his feet just in time to get
hit with a rolling koppou kick. Hector kicks Hasegawa away from
him, then picks him up in a fallaway slam.}
[Rasputin]: Hector with a fireman's carry -- *not* a
takedown, instead he stands up and DROPS Toshiaki hard!
{Hector puts on a wakigatme armbar.}
[Stone]: Ah, yes, long-name-no-can-say arm hold. You know,
we've been seeing a *lot* of these lately.
[Gardner]: It's an easy hold to put on a fallen opponent,
and quite a bit NOT so easy to break out of.
{Several moments later, Hasegawa breaks out, and Hector drags
him up in a front facelock, then presses him overhead and slams
him to the mat.}
[Rasputin]: Power Martinez has him up -- and presses him
just like a sandbag! And WHAT a slam!!! He must have thrown
him half again as high as he could reach!
[GG]: I'd almost say half again as high as *I* could
reach ...
{As Toshiaki gets back up, Power performs another half-nelson
suplex, then tags in Fury. Hector tosses Toshiaki towards Fury,
who powerslams him, and hooks a leg for the cover as Hector
leaves the ring.}
[Rasputin]: Hector throws the Fashion Plate like a Ken doll
-- and a MONSTER powerslam from Jayson!!!
[Stone]: Ack -- you can't call it that! We'll get confused!
[Rasputin]: What ARE you talking about?
[Stone]: Hector calls himself what?
[Rasputin]: Power -- oh ...
[Stone]: Right. So, we gotta call that a FURYslam, or else
they'll think you're miscalling the match!
[Rasputin]: Paul, burn those notes from Jurgens ... Jayson
has a leg hooked, but -- Robbie's got the ref pulled aside!
{Robbie's distraction allows Tank Bradley enough time to enter
the ring and stomp Fury out of the cover. The referee returns,
and sends Tank back outside, while Toshiaki puts on a stepover
toehold; when Fury breaks out, Joey's had enough, and tags in
Bradley.}
[Rasputin]: Tank Bradley now in the ring ... LEGALLY ...
[Esprit]: Just what are you implying? Do you want Curtis
Keyes to know you're badmouthing him like that? If he didn't
give Tank a warning, Tank was in the ring legally!
{Bradley scoops up Fury immediately, and bodyslams him, then
pulls him back up and whips him to the ropes; he rebounds from
the other side with a clothesline, but doesn't knock down Fury.}
[Rasputin]: Big clothesline from Bradley -- but Fury stays
on his feet!
{Fury responds with a powerslam, then pulls Tank back up with a
half nelson.}
[Rasputin]: AND HE FURYSLAMS BRADLEY!!!
[Gardner]: {low whistle} I've been in the ropes with Tank
before--
[Esprit]: Yeah, that's right, he DID whip your rear--
[Gardner]: As if life wasn't short enough, Kyle ... Tank
isn't just big, he knows how to use his size. You're not
just fighting his bulk but his strength when you try to pick
him up like that.
{Tank backs Fury over to the ropes, and tosses him over.}
[Rasputin]: Tank fighting back -- AND OVER THE TOP!!! I
think that Jayson might have hit the *railing* on that ...
[Gardner]: I can't vouch for that, but it certainly looks
like something was wrong with that landing ... of course,
it's hard for close to 300 pounds of muscle and bone to land
RIGHT.
[Esprit]: Well, you know what they say -- any landing you
can walk away from ... {mock disappointment} oh, that's
RIGHT, he's NOT walking away from it, is he?
[Rasputin]: Kyle, you're disGUSTing. He's making his way
back to the ring slowly ... oh, no -- Curtis Keyes is
calling for the bell ...
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, as the result of a countout ... the winners
of this match ... AGONY ... AND ... ECSTASY!!!
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL
=================================================================
{Camera opens on Doug "Mr. Excitement" Abercrombie and his
compadre Weasel, with "Louie" (his baseball bat). Doug is wearing
a black denim jacket, faded blue jeans, sunglasses and a black
silk top hat. Weasel is wearing a black baseball jersey that says
"Cervesa" on the front and with the number 21 and "Weasel" on the
back, black windpants and a pair of reading glasses and holding a
cup and saucer and Louie, who has a black bow tie attached to it.
Weasle also has his plastic belt around his waist and it can now
be made out to be a replica AWI North American Championship belt
with a Polaroid of a television set taped to the front.}
[Doug Abercrombie]
{Using a really bad English accent} I do say old boy. that was
some match I had last week.
[Weasle]
{comical English accent} Yeah-- ah, I mean, quite right.
[Abercrombie]
Until that insufferable bore Spazzy, something er other came in
... {he begins talking normally} My God, can you believe people
talk like this?
{He flings the hat away as Weasle flings the tea cup and glasses
against the wall, then proceeds to smack Louie against a nearby
easy chair until the tie come off.}
[Abercrombie]
Spazzy-boy the butler, ohhh I really care what you think. I come
out and give the fans the match of the night in my first ever
endeavor in the AWI. Then some Mr. Belvedere wannabe comes in and
talks down to ME?!? Don't you know who I am? Didn't you see that
dropkick I connected with? Do really think anyone wants to see an
old fuddy duddy like you? Hell, we already have the quota of old
geezers in this league. Why don't you just toddle on back to the
kitchen and get me a sandwich? Like I give a damn that you beat
some yuppy, stuck up English Twit who ripped off my name. I mean
I know he was trying to improve his image by using my last name.
Adds prestige to anyone. I mean, who would you rather be? Doug
Olson? Or Doug "Mr. Excitement" Abercrombie? Would you rather be
"Stan Jurgens" or pretty much anyone else?
[Weasle]
He-e-e-ey!!! Jurgens? Why you no like the Weasle? {shows his belt
to the camera} I mean, I'm the Weasle Wrestling World's
Television champion. And my partner Louie and I take exception to
being called a runt! You and Louie might have to have a little
chat. Louiecanshowyouhisfinisher,theheadbuttandthenyou'llbesorry!
[Abercrombie]
Whoa, easy amigo! Sorry, Weasle tends to excite easily. But back
to Mr. Belvedere. You're just jealous because I can jump higher
than you can count. I move faster in the ring than you can drive.
You stomach weighs more than Weasle. I mean I know you seem to
have problems with inadequacy, I mean I notice you told the
barber, "A little off the top" but forgot to say when. Hell. You
worked up a sweat /watching/ my match. If you want to get in the
ring with "The Exciting One" that's fine. I'll run circles around
you, you fat-outta-shape-wish-he-was-me piece of garbage. One of
my near perfect drop kicks and you'll be ready to quit and go
toddling back to fetching slippers. {He holds his hand at knee
level.} I mean this is all the higher you can kick, and I
certainly can go higher than that.
{To punctuate that, he nails Weasle with a textbook standing
dropkick, knocking him onto the chair and over the back. Weasle
gets up and winds up with Louie.}
[DA]
Easy buddy. I was just proving a point. I was showing everyone how
tough the Weasle is.
[Weasle]
{thinks it over} Oh, okay.
[DA]
And how good I am. Well, I could talk all day, but it's getting on
time for us to grab some chow. Later.
{Camera fades.}
=================================================================
{"Who Makes The Loot" by the Brand New Heavies & Grand Puba pumps
over the loudspeakers, as Jamahn Hugo Chamberlin (accompanied, as
always, by his bodyguard Felony Slade) comes down the aisle to
the ring. He picks up a mike.}
[Jamahn Chamberlin]
Hey, y'all -- NEW ORLEANS'S DA BOMB!!!
{The home crowd answers loudly in the affirmative.}
[Chamberlin]
I'm sure y'all remember that I promised last week to tell you
what's up with the World Championship ...
{Crowd peaks a little.}
[Chamberlin]
Well, I got some bad news for y'all. At this time, it doesn't
look like there's going to BE any resolution to this at Union ...
{The crowd grumbles in disappointment.}
[Chamberlin]
... be-cuuuuuuuz ... the Board has scheduled Union for April, and
we know y'all can't WAIT that long!
[Gardner]: That, and if they put it off any further, John
might be able to make it BACK.
[Chamberlin]
So, instead, we're going to be settling this manner a little bit
sooner -- February 13th, in Toronto, the AWI pulls the sheet off
our new baby, International Incident! At that time, our current
top 7 contenders will be seated in a one-night tournament to
decide the fate of that belt which happens to be taking up
valuable desk space in my office ... plus, in addition to those
7, we've reserved a seat for one Ken Mischief, given as he WAS
the winner of Spring Stampede and due a shot against
you-know-who! Now, assuming that nobody's car breaks down that
night, those 7 are gonna be--
{Mischief is seen walking down the aisle in jeans and a white
T-shirt; he stomps up the ringside steps menacingly.}
[Gardner]: This looks ... interesting. In an ugly and
bad-things-are-gonna-happen kinda way.
[Mischief]
Hang on a second there, big fella. Did I just hear you say that
the AWI has graciously kept a spot in this tournament for me?
[Chamberlin]
I'm guessin' you heard it, because I know I said it.
[Mischief]
Did I not win the Spring Stampede, Chamberlain?
[Chamberlin]
I do believe I said something to that effect, too.
[Mischief]
What was the winner supposed to receive if he beat all those men
at Spring Stampede?
[Chamberlin]
A shot at the World Heavyweight Champion, which--
[Mischief]
{starting to look a little peeved} Well, then, Chamberlin I
believe that Ken Mischief will *not* be participating in this
tournament of yours -- because, quite honestly, what makes you
think one of these men can knock me out of this tournament if
they couldn't do it all together at Stampede?!? Chamberlin, I
want that title shot!!! Whether its at International Incident,
Union or whatever else you wanna call it I don't give a damn!!!
I am a patient man and I will wait till after you decide which
one of these losers becomes champ!!! Ken Mischief will get what
he deserved and what he earned a shot at whoever is holding that
title!!!
{Ken Mischief walks right up to Chamberlin, staring him down.}
[Gardner]: Hold on.
>>PRESSBOX<<
{Gardner tosses down his headphones with a heavy thump, and heads
to the ring. Back in the ring, Ken says something to Jamahn and
drops the microphone angrily at his feet, then starts walking
back to the dressing room. Gardner climbs up the stairs and steps
over the top rope as Chamberlin picks up the mike; he makes a
beckoning motion to Chamberlin, who hesitates for a long moment,
then hands him the microphone.}
[Gardner]
{pauses, looking over the ring area} I'm going to make this
short, and ... well, just SHORT, because Greg Gardner's running
low on "sweet" tonight! {pause} Ken, you and I have a lot in
common. We've both walked the long road. We've both taken on
half this league in one night, both for the same prize, both for
the same man. And when we reach the end of that road, we both
find we've got nothing to show for it but a piece of paper and a
dead end.
Now, I'm not an executive, and I don't make the matches ...
{Gardner looks down at Jamahn, and makes an mock expression of
surprise, as if he just noticed him.} ... but here we got someone
who IS! Mr. Chamberlin, I hear you say you sign the matches the
fans want to see ... so I got a deal to lay out tonight, and
we'll see what you, Mr. Mischief, and most of all these fans here
tonight think of it.
Ken here won the Spring Stampede, and that entitles him to a
match for the world championship. I busted my bones at the Long
Hot Summer, which if memory serves granted ME a match for the
world championship. Now I know what the record says on paper, but
I'd like to think a match consists of more than me sneezing on a
man and him running to his mommy ... do you people think that
counts?
{The crowd responds enthusiastically in the negative.}
[Gardner]
This looks to me like an easy call, Mr. Chamberlin. Ken has a
shot coming. *I* have a shot coming. So how about we just take
both shots at once for all the marbles?
{Ken stands in the aisle, obviously sizing up Gardner with a
none-too-happy expression ... the audience's cheers for an
imminent confrontation are interrupted, however, as "Bad to the
Bone" keys up over the speakers, and a man hops over the railing
...}
[Rasputin]: What in the -- it's D.A. Bookthrower! We haven't
seen him in weeks -- what does HE want?
[Stone]: Offhand, I'm guessing it's not about Whitewater.
{As DA comes closer to the ring, Jamahn quickly retrieves his
microphone.}
[Chamberlin]
Uh-uh ... two times tonight is enough. You have to get your OWN
mike.
{Bookthrower merely grins, and signals back to the crowd, where
Melissa Wright emerges ... she vamps the crowd for a few moments,
then hands D.A. a microphone ... he acknowledges the crowd's boos
with a dismissive gesture, then turns to the ring and points to
Gardner.}
[D.A. Bookthrower]
MOTION DENIED, BIG MAN! {Looks out to aisle} And as far as you
go, Ken Mischief ... you're a top-flight competitor and a worthy
man ... you're objection is duly noted -- but over-ruled!
It seems to me that some very important points of proprietary law
are being overlooked here ... allow me, "Mister" Commissioner, to
enlighten you and your mob of uninformed hooligans here!
According to LONG-STANDING principles of common law regarding
salvage and inheritance, should something of value become without
owner for ANY reason, it reverts to the possession of its
original owner ... and /I/ am that owner! I'm the FIRST -- and
let's face it, the ONLY REAL -- champion of the AWI ... and John
Robertson's flight to the beer halls of Bethlehem was more than
simple fear -- it was an act of fate, to return to ME what is
rightfully mine! So, "Mister" Commissioner ... are you going to
abide by the rulings of THE law of the AWI ... {Flexes his
muscles and stares balefully at Felony Slade despite mounting
boos} ... or am I going to have to hold you in contempt?
[Voice]: I don't think that's gonna be needed....
{The fans pop, knowing the voice, and the cameras and everyone
already gathered turn to see Danny Boy McGill standing at the
curtains in the aisle entrance.}
[Danny Boy McGill]
The way I see it, I was this league's last LEGIT champ anyways!
Right!? {Fans pop huge in response.} Ol' John-Boy had everyone
and their brother trying to run-in on me ... and while none of
them hit me, it's like a barroom brawl, I had to watch everywhere
for someone else! And as for the collection gathered in the ring,
I seem to remember Mischief, I wasn't in your big day victory ...
and oddly enough I wasn't in yours either, Greg, as I was the
CHAMP at the time! So while you both have claims, you don't have
one over me!
And D.A. ... D.A. ... D.A. ... I seem to remember you SUBMITTING
to the McGill Leglock the one time I actually was able to get you
in the ring instead of listening to you running your mouth. So
all three of you have no claim over me.
However I'm not gonna come out here and demand you just hand the
title over ... no, I don't work like that, I actually EARN
titles, unlike Mr. Bookthrower over there. No, I just want my
shot, which I DO rightfully deserve. So Mr. Chamberlin, what's
the verdict?
{Danny Boy points at the commissioner, and the camera turns to
face him. Jamahn looks at each man in turn, and looks ready to
say something, but instead makes a few false starts, obviously
in a tough bind. At this point, a man in a business suit steps
out and walks to the corner of the ring; Jamahn leans down and
begins talking to the man.}
[Rasputin]: That's Roswell Gates, the head of the AWI
Competition Committee, out there with Commissioner
Chamberlin ...
[Esprit]: Aw, man, don't tell me they're taking these two
rubes SERIOUSLY ... give the belt to D.A., legal and proper,
then let Ken lose to HIM ...
[Rasputin]: They seem to be reaching some kind of conclusion
-- but we're running short on time, fans! Join us next week,
when we've got "The Awesome One" Kerry Masters facing Doug
Abercrombie ... the increasingly dangerous Steve the Insane
taking on the perennially dangerous Nick Vorpal ... and a
thirty minute IRON MAN match between "Bulldog" Bryan Bachman
and "Canadian Sensation" Chris Sim! And hopefully, we'll
ALSO have the answers to this puzzle -- this is Heather
Rasputin with Paul Stone and Kyle Esprit, saying good night!
=================================================================
Copyright (c) Alliance Sports Entertainment
Written by Bryant & Bryce Berggren, and the handlers of Allied
Wrestling International
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