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Television Network
P R E S E N T S
=================================================================
{Scene opens on a wrestling ring in what appears to be a gym. As
a handful of people work out throughout the gym, 2 men are having
a match in ring. One man is Jack Robertson -- the other is
unknown. On the outside watching [with his arm in a sling] is
"The Expert" Ed Carr. The unknown guy is currently on the
offensive, having just dropped Jack with a dropkick. He lands a
few fists on the prone Jack before picking him up and whipping
him into the ropes. However, he makes the mistake of dropping his
head and gets hit with a neckbreaker. Jack continues by applying
a half-nelson, followed by a full nelson then suplexing it. He
then applies a spinning toehold for a few seconds before dropping
it into an Indian deathlock. The unknown wrestler is able to
reach the ropes, so Jack relinquishes. However, upon the
unknown's getting up Jack applies a bending waistlock and flips
it over into a northern lights brainbuster.}
[Ed Carr]
Nice work boys ... Matt, gotta work on chaining more moves
together. Jack -- very nice. Not quite there, but much better
than when you first came here.
[Jack Robertson]
Hey, don't worry Ed ... sooner than later I'll be dropping you on
your head! {laughs} I'm gonna go hit the showers, that cool?
[EC]
Uh huh, dropping me on my head ... you'd better be careful in
that shower, make sure what's left of that brain doesn't rust.
[Jack]
{laughs} I'll catch you in a few, Ed.
{Jack walks off camera, presumably to the showers.}
[EC]
Not too bad at all ... see what a little hard work will do? {to
cameraman} Anyway, since you're here, I figured I'd address some
recent goings on ... specifically, the monster I created, Robbie
Stevens. You're probably saying to yourself "What does he care
about Robbie Stevens? He's not wrestling in the AWI." See, I've
gotta take responsibility for my mistakes ... just this little
quirk I have. Well, Robbie, as much as I liked to ignore you in
the past ... I just can't do it anymore. You wanna run around
with your little playmates, hey, no problem ... but now you're
causing too many people too much aggravation. Unfortunately, it
doesn't look like anyone's around to shut you up ... Uncle Jerry
is busy with Vorpal, Justice is having problems with the Flock,
Danny Boy and Cross Body seem occupied, Steve the Insane ...
well, he'll probably be locked up for the murder of Jade Tiger
soon.
Sure, a couple folks aren't too busy. Kerry Masters ... well, I'm
not sure if Kerry knows anyone else exists. Jack ... Jack's
getting there, but he can't handle everyone on his own. So, to
draw the rambling to a close, I guess I'm gonna have to do it
myself. When my arm heals ... Robbie, it looks like the teacher
and student will meet again. Hope you've been doing your homework
... {smirks} I certainly have.
=================================================================
{Fade into a view of a technological control room reminiscent of
NORAD, complete with Irwin Allen computer banks and three very
large television screens dominating the back wall. As the opening
bars to "The Final Countdown" by Europe begins to play, a young
African-American man in an executive suit (recognizable as Jamahn
Chamberlin) reaches out and presses a big red button marked
"Deploy". The outer TV screens begin shifting scenes rapidly
through random AWI action sequences, while the center one
displays a computer generated image of a missile launch. We see
a "warhead's eye view" of the missile's flight across a virtual
landscape of mountains and hills, approaching a city skyline,
zooming down a street and finally "locking on" to an athletic
stadium. As it begins its final approach, green "LED" style
numbers begin appearing superimposed over the central screen,
while the outer ones slow to recognizable clips:
[10] Angela Dante smacking Jade Tiger with a broom;
[09] Mist Angel backflipping out of a Reverend James chokeslam
in the midst of a battle royale;
[08] "Asylum" Smith taking a flying leap into a table with a
chainsaw;
[07] Perry Toxic w/a Toxic Bomb on Riverboat;
[06] Greg Gardner w/a Skywalk Slam on Tank Bradley
[05] Bryan Bachman hits Dan Lea with the Flying Bulldog;
[04] Perfection with the New Perfect Finisher on The Warbirds;
[03] Robbie Stevens & co. harassing Chad Duncan;
[02] The Fallen Angel with a double flying body press on Dream
Succubus;
[01] Steve the Insane gives Ken Mischief the Frontal Lobotomy;
At this point, the missile strikes home, all three monitors
explode in a shower of sparks, and a logo closes in like sliding
doors from top and bottom ...
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..., DENVER, CO
{Camera pans across the cheering crowds as fireworks go off near
the ceiling, and the view zooms in on a pressbox setup in the
front row near the main aisle, where Heather Rasputin, Paul
Stone, and Kyle Esprit sit, wearing "broadcaster" headsets.}
[Heather]
Welcome to AWI Explosion, wrestling fans! If you're looking for
athletic action like only professional wrestling can provide,
you're in for a special treat tonight, as ...
{At that moment, the video wall which forms the backdrop of the
"Blast Zone" interview platform crackles to life, and Heather
trails off. Jade Tiger's grinning face, albeit a bit pained,
beams out across the arena. Two paces behind him stands Crystal
Crow, silent and intense in a rigid stance focused on the
matters at hand.}
[Jade Tiger]
Yes, people of the AWI ... I am well, Crystal Crow is well, all
is well in the universe. I know, you share private chuckles at
my expense regarding that ... that ... madman Steve the Insane.
{The arena audience cheers madly, make that insanely.}
His instability will be his downfall, for you see up until this
time he has been a mere embarassment for your way of life.
Representing the Western athlete, with his unpredictability and
oh so tender passion for Angela Dante. A, what you Americans say?
Soap Opera for the unwashed masses. BAH!
I allowed their weaknesses to amuse me ... that is, until that
infernal beast decided to lay his hands upon me! Me, of all
people?! Steve the Insane, you have ended your career by choosing
to attack me.
I know each of you overweight, nacho eating fans are scoffing;
'Steve the Insane kicked your ass, old man, what can you do?' You
see, I will not soil my hands with tasks beneath one of my
station. And Crystal Crow is beyond such menial tasks. But I know
exactly how to rid the world of Steve the Insane, I know how to
speak to the opportunistic ... for all my complaints against the
West, there is one creation which stands out above all others
... capitalism.
{Jade Tiger barks out some commands and Crystal Crow snaps to
attention presenting a briefcase, which Jade Tiger opens to show
green, lots of green.}
[Jade Tiger]
Look at it, AWI superstars. Twenty-five thousand dollars
American. Think of it, the prestige, the wealth, the ... what you
Americans like so much ... Sony Playstation? MTV? Big Mac?
Whatever you like can be yours. All for one simple task ... break
Steve the Insane.
{The video wall blinks out, and the camera pans back to the
pressbox.}
[Heather]
Can -- can you BELIEVE that?!?
[Kyle]
TWENTY-FIVE GRAND SMACKEROONIES, BABY!!! Heck, for that much,
don't be surprised to see Steve wailing on HIMSELF for the money!
[Heather]
Of all the yellow--
[Paul]
{prompting voice} Hey, uh, Heather, you were going to tell
everyone what we've got tonight in the ring?
[Heather]
{irritated sigh} Right, Paul. ANYHOW, fans, we've got a special
treat for you ... a THIRTY MINUTE "Iron Man" match between
"Bulldog" Bryan Bachman and rising star, the "Canadian Sensation"
Chris Sim!
[Kyle]
Treat? TREAT? This is a RIP-OFF, Heather! Do you know what this
MEANS? Those two camera hogs are going to suck off the whole
second half of this show, and keep INTERESTING people from using
the ring!
[Paul]
Well, look at it this way -- if someone tries to ambush one of
them, they've got thirty minutes to do it without the referee
stopping the match.
[Kyle]
Heeyyyy, that's right ...
[Heather]
Paul! Don't encourage him!
[Paul]
Just keeping the peace, Heather -- I gotta sit next to him ...
[Heather]
Also tonight, the enigmatic Oracle can foresee a match with one
half of our tag team champions, "Stretcher" Mike Kirwan of
Intensive Care ... and "The Awesome One" Kerry Masters steps to
the plate with "Mr. Excitement" Doug Abercrombie--
[Paul]
Yes, it's the battle of the hyperboles!!!
[Kyle]
Wrong, sister -- Kerry THINKS he's going up against Doug. But
let's face it -- he's REALLY going three against one, and he
doesn't stand a chance: Doug, Weasle, and Louie V. Slugger!
[Heather]
Let's go to the Blast Zone with Chad Duncan for some words from
one of our women's superstars ...
=================================================================
{"Amazing Grace" begins blaring over the loudspeakers as Dacia
Blackthorne makes her way to the Blast Zone, slapping hands and
smiling to the fans and camera at ringside. Dacia is wearing
shades, blue jeans and a 'Signature' Ringmaster sleeveless
t-shirt under her leather jacket.}
[Chad Duncan]
Welcome again Ms. Blackthorne. As always it's a pleasure to have
you with us.
[RMDB]
Thanks again, Chad love. And as always I have to remind you it's
*okay* to call me Dacia.
[CD]
Sorry about that. Just a sign of respect on my part. But let's
get down to brass tacks. The buzz in the air is about you and Ms.
Johnston. Specifically about your intense dislike for each other.
{Dacia loses her smile and her expression changes to a very grim
scowl written upon her face.}
[RMDB]
You know, Chad, I can't seem for the world to remember when I was
this ticked off. Melissa Wright got me burning real good, but
Alliyah Johnston is another story. It's one thing to bad mouth
the wrestlers in the AWI. It's another thing to badmouth me from
a distance. But to actually stick your nose in my business,
Johnston, is an entirely different ballgame.
[CD]
You would be referring to your match against 'Cool' Kitty Taylor
on Armageddon two weeks ago?
[RMDB]
You bet your life I am! Taylor, I had you beat three times in
that match and your girlfriend bailed you out! So that tells me
despite all of your trash talk and mouth, your not even in the
same ballpark I am. As for you, Johnston, I'm upping the ante a
little bit. I can remember three matches in my time here in the
AWI where I had a clean cut loss. Every other time I took the
"L", it was because of somebody's stupid idea of high-jinxs
and shenanigans.
[Kyle]: Unfortunately, that outlines your whole
CAREER.
[RMDB]
Well this a time I'm asking you too put your money where your
mouth is. Our 'Put Up or Shut Up' match is still on, and I wanna
raise the stakes a little bit. {Dacia takes off her jacket and
shades and tosses them into the corner, as if preparing for a
match.} Since your so big and high and mighty on yourself,
Johnston, why not put this match on the map? If I win, you retire
from broadcasting in the AWI ... PERMANENTLY. Not another peep,
wisecrack, or smart remark for one whole year! GOT IT!?
{The fans cheer slightly.}
[CD]
Pretty high stakes for Ms. Johnston, Dacia. I can only ask what
are the consequences for you should you lose?
[RMDB]
If by some chance I lose to Alliyah Johnston Chad, then I won't
wrestle in the AWI for the next year.
[Kyle]: Like you've EVER wrestled here -- most I see,
you just sit around getting Bankbreakered!
[RMDB]
Now don't get me wrong. I've thought this through and I realize
the chances of me getting a clean match against Johnston are
"zero and hell no", so here's the catch.
{Dacia takes the microphone from Chad and approaches the camera
to get a good shot of her face.}
The match takes place with one fall ... a thirty minute time
limit ... one-on-one ... inside ... A CAGE!
{The crowd voices encouragement.}
I'll be in the back watching the show Alliyah. So if you have a
response, which I'm sure you will, I'll be listening. Ta ta lass!
{"With that Dacia gathers her belongings and exits the Zone,
being sure to do a once around to slap hands with the ringside
fans before heading up the aisle to "Amazing Grace".}
[CD]
Inside a cage!? Now there's something we haven't had in a while.
Longtime AWI fans may remember the last time we had women in a
cage was the three story "Tower of Doom" to crown a new ladies
champion. This time it looks like a one on one battle bewteen
Blackthorne and Johnston ...
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
=================================================================
{Camera opens on Doug "Mr. Excitement" Abercrombie and Weasle
(sic), carrying "Louie" (his black Louisville Slugger baseball
bat). Doug is dressed in jean shorts and a black NIN shirt and
sunglasses, while Weasle is wearing a baseball jersey and
windpants. They are standing in front of a big backdrop that
reads "Excitement Personified! Doug "Mr. Excitement"
Abercrombie" and has several explosions and things in the
background.)
[Doug]
All right! It's about time I got some real competition around
here. What has it been now? A week? Man, time flies whan you're
as cool as I am. So Kerry Masters wants to be number two on the
'People who lost to Mr. Excitement' list? That's fine. Kerry, so
far all I have seen you do is run your mouth. Well, that will be
hard ...
[Weasle]
{interrupting} When Doug is always talking!
[DA]
Right-- Hey!!
[W]
Sorry.
[DA]
Anyways ... where was I? Oh yeah ... talking about what a loser
Masters is. Kerry, you call yourself the Epitome of what everyone
wants to be? Well, that's old news. No one will want to be like
you when I get done with you. After I dazzle the world with my
electrifying arsenal of moves, and you plod around the ring like
the groundbound slug you are ... well, compared to the likes of
me anyways, the fans will appreciate what a talent I am. The men
are jealous. The kids want to be like me when they grow up and
the women want to be with me. By the way, ladies, I checked my
calendar and I have a few free nights, so Brenda Storm, feel free
to stop by and we can take a shower or something. Or Mississippi
Queen, well shucks darlin' you can be my queen anytime. Or Angela
Dante, if you ever feel like dumping that loser Steve for a real
man, give me a call. Masters, you can't win, I'm just too good,
too handsome, and too much of a man for you.
{Camera fades.}
=================================================================
{The camera opens on the ring, with ring announcer Alan Kinsman.}
[Paul Stone, Voiceover]
Good Lord, it's the second coming of Robbie Stevens.
[Kinsman]
Ladies and gentlemen ... your first bout for tonight is set for
one fall ... entering first, accompanied by his {pause} friend,
Weasle ... weighing in two-hundred and twenty-eight pounds ...
"MR. Excitement" -- Doooooooooug Abercrombie!!!
{The crowd gives a low boo for Doug and Weasle as they head to
ringside to the strains of "Winning It All" by the Outfield.}
[Kinsman]
And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at two-hundred and
twenty-one pounds ... from Orlando, Florida ...
{"Gett Off" by Prince cranks up, and the crowd goes proverbially
wild.}
"The AAAAAAAAAWWWESOME ONE" ... KERRY ... MASTERS!
{Kerry enters the ring aisle, accompanied by the Mississippi
Queen.}
[Kyle]: Heyyy -- what's SHE doing here? She doesn't
have any right to be down here!
[Heather]: Well, Kyle, Masters WAS a part of
Mississippi Queen Enterprises in the Frontier Wrestling
Association ... maybe they've renewed that partnership?
[Kyle]: Oh, suuurrreee ... RUN, DOUG! IT'S A TRAP!
THEY'RE GONNA SPRING THE WHOLE FWA ON YOU!!!
{As Kerry and Kyle reach the ring, the Queen calls over the
referee to talk.}
[Kyle]: Look, she's putting the fix on!
[Heather]: What ARE you talking about?
[Kyle]: Just wait, Heather -- any moment now, money's
gonna change hands ... {soto voce} well, that's what
I'd do, anyhow ...
{Doug Abercrombie leaps over the ropes, attempting a bodypress,
which Kerry dodges.}
[Heather]: HOLY COW!!! Kerry just barely missed being
aisle pizza!
[Paul]: Which means, for Abercrombie, hold the
pepperoni ...
{Kerry grabs Doug as he gets up, and drops him with a single-arm
DDT, then barely avoids a swing from Weasle's bat.}
[Paul]: Hey, batter, batter -- AIRBALL!
[Heather]: Paul, you're mixing your metaphors.
[Paul]: OK, so I choked ... comedy is a high stress
endeavor.
{He slides Doug in the ring and follows him, then dropkicks him
as both get to their feet.}
[Kyle]: Look at that! Ref, stop the match! Unfair
tactics!
[Heather]: WHAT?!?
{Kerry follows that with a somersault legdrop.}
[Kyle]: Everyone knows Doug Abercrombie has the most
beautiful dropkicks in wrestling! He's obviously been
stunned by being forced to watch Kerry's horrificly
sub-par version! And last I checked, psychological
torture was specifically against the Geneva convetion!
{He picks up Doug, whips him to the ropes and bounces off the
other side; Doug clotheslines Masters on the rebound. Doug
lifts Kerry to his feet and whips him to the turnbuckles, then
rushes in and plants a dropkick before he can get out of the
corner.}
[Kyle]: {sigh} Ah, that's more like it.
[Paul]: You know, at times like this, Heather often
gives me advice which I'll pass on to you: Kyle, get
help. Soon.
{He hops on the top rope, and springs off with a bodypress: ...
1 ... Kerry throws him off, and kicks him in the chest before he
can stand. Masters then climbs to the top turnbuckle, and leaps
off with a dropkick, but Doug dodges and he hits the mat hard.
Doug gets up and attempts a somersault legdrop himself, but
Kerry rolls this time.}
[Paul]: Wow, Kyle, I guess you're right -- Doug tried
to use psychological torture himself, but was so
disgusted he flinched at the last second!
[Kyle]: Yeah, that's-- are you mocking me?
[Paul]: {whistles}
{He picks up Doug and fells him with a standing dropkick, then
climbs up top and leaps off with a bodypress.}
[Heather]: Kerry off the top! He hooks a leg -- Pin
Nazi! But he's quick to regroup ...
{Kerry locks an armbar on and pulls Doug to his feet, then single
arm DDTs him again. He makes another somersault legdrop, then
picks him up and sends him to the ropes; Kerry turns away, then
does a standing moonsault bodypress when he rebounds.}
[Heather]: The Epitome Press! And AGAIN no count!
Kerry's beginning to look a little frustrated ...
[Kyle]: HA! If that's the "Epitome Press", I'd hate
to see the "Half-ass Piece of Work Press".
{Kerry throws a shot to Doug's eyes, and pulls him to his feet,
then savate kicks him. He climbs the top rope, lets Doug stand,
and leaps off with a flying sunset flip.}
[Heather]: THERE IT IS! THE AWESOME ENDING!!!
{The referee makes the count ... 1 ... 2 ... and Doug gets a
shoulder up.}
[Heather]: Just BARELY out of it that time -- Mr.
Excitement may be running out of tricks ...
[Kyle]: It ain't over 'til the bat boy swings,
Heather ...
{Kerry puts on a toehold, stands up, then releases and lets Doug
stand up, only to get nailed with a dropkick from Abercrombie.
Abercrombie whips him to the ropes and runs after, leaping for a
bodypress, but Kerry ducks and Doug flies over the ropes.}
[Paul]: Damn, it's like he's got a concrete magnet in
his tights ...
{Kerry grabs the ropes and slingshots himself over for a plancha,
but Doug rolls out of the way.}
[Paul]: Ack! It's contagious!
{As Kerry gets up, Weasle comes from behind and smacks him on
the back with the baseball bat, then helps Doug up. They roll
Kerry back into the ring, and Doug climbs in.
[Heather]: A vicious display of cheap tactics by
the self-titled "Mr. Excitement" -- but there may be
a reckoning right now!
{Camera cuts to the aisle, where "Grandmaster" Alex Spassky is
walking down.}
[Kyle]: RUN, DOUG! THEY'RE CLOSING THE TRAP! THE FWA
HAS COME FOR YOU!
[Heather]: KYLE, Alex Spassky's never BEEN in the FWA
-- you of ALL people should know it!
[Kyle]: Oh, yeah? For your information, NONE of the
Rio Grande Gringos were ever unmasked! But I guess we
know who ONE is now, huh?
[Heather]: I -- nooo, I'm not even getting into that.
{Cut to inside the ring, where Doug has Kerry set in the corner;
Abercrombie performs a handspring back elbow rush. He climbs up
top, and leaps off with a shooting star drop kick.}
[Heather]: That could be it! Doug poses a bit before
making the cover ...
{Camera cuts to outside where Weasle is watching his buddy;
Spassky comes from behind, and drops him with a reverse DDT.}
[Heather]: Weasle's down! Kerry's up! And now Alex
has Weasle in the crab!!!
{Spassky puts on a Boston crab, then the camera cuts to show
Kerry with an armbar on Doug.}
[Paul]: "Weasle in a crab"? I'm not going to begin to
say how unkosher that sounds.
{Kerry lifts up Doug and does another armbar DDT, then climbs to
the top turnbuckle as Doug staggers up.}
[Heather]: Kerry looking to end this -- THE AWESOME
ENDING!!!
{Kerry does a flying sunset flip, but Doug rolls forward and
Kerry hits the mat.}
[Kyle]: It's an ending, all right: GOOD BYE MASTERS!!!
{Doug Abercrombie pulls Kerry to his feet, and Kerry thanks him
with a dropkick, then waits for him to stand before rolling him
into a small package.}
[Heather]: Quick pin by Kerry -- 1 ... 2 ... HE GOT
IT!!!
{Camera cuts to show Alex releasing the crab on a spent-looking
Weasle, and walking off, then back to Kerry in the ring, getting
his arm lifted by the referee.}
[Alan Kinsman]
The winner of this match ... "The Awesome One" ... KERRY MASTERS!
[Kyle]: This is a moral travesty -- how could Doug
possibly wrestle while his best friend and boon
companion was being BRUTALLY attacked outside the ring
by that pawn-sucking meat slab Spassky?
[Heather]: Best friend? Doug's dropkicked Weasle before
just to prove a point!
[Kyle]: You think Weasle cares?
[Heather]: Well, you might have a point there ...
folks, we'll be right back ...
=================================================================
{The camera fades in to a darkened back room in the arena. Zap
London of the Chaos Brothers is the only occupant. His blond hair
is spiked as erratically as usual and he is wearing his ring
attire of loose brown trunks and taped ankles and wrists. His
face is pierced but solemn.}
[Zap]
I'll keep this short. Blunt hates it when I do this kind of
thing. I've gotten a lot of mail recently from people remarking
on the fact that I don't 'act' German. I guess all of the most
visible German wrestlers in the past have acted pretty bad,
insulting American wrestling and so on. Well, I am a German
citizen, though I'm working on becoming a naturalized American.
And I am a German patriot, but I'll never be a nationalist.
I left Germany for a lot of reasons, most of them you wouldn't
care about. But there's a lot of conformity in Germany and, well,
you can imagine what they thought of me. My martial art is a
westernized style from Thailand and Korea, my clothes and style
are from America, you get the idea. I came here, to a land of
free thinkers, get in a bar brawl and end up with Blunt as a
wrestling partner, the rest is history.
But now I'm studying your history. Part of becoming a citizen.
I'm beginning to understand why America and Germany are so
different. I don't think I'll ever be able to think exactly like
an American, but I can respect the ideas that run through the
country. The political ideas here are, I won't say better, much
less restricting than in the Germany I remember.
I guess what I'm trying to say ... I'm not really sure. Just
don't let yourself fall into the trap of complacency, of apathy.
Here, more than anywhere else I've seen, the power is in the
people. But you have to use it, like a muscle, or it get's weak.
Vote, of course, but don't stop there. Learn about the powers
that effect your everyday life and take your place in them. Study
how your own system works, come to respect it the way I have.
This is your country. It may never be mine.
=================================================================
{Chad Duncan stands by at the Blast Zone, the Explosion interview
area.}
[Heather]: We'll have some more words from BOTH Chaos
Brothers, I'm told, near the end of this program, and
hopefully some commentary on their recent entrance into
the North American Tag Team championship tournament
finals ...
[Chad]
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome at this time a man at the
center of a good deal of chaos in the AWI ... Steve the Insane!
{Instead of the customary Jimmy Buffett (or some other upbeat
music), "One" by Metallica comes over the PA as the Insane One
makes his way from the locker room. Wearing his customary boots,
jeans, and t-shirt, he somewhat half heartedly slaps hands on his
way to the Blast Zone, but shows a little more enthusiasm as he
goes along. He also happens to be carrying a shopping bag. Upon
reaching the Zone, he takes the microphone from Duncan.}
[Steve]
Chad, I know I haven't been in the best of moods lately, but I
want to apologize for giving you static at the hospital. So,
I brought you something. {hands him the shopping bag}
[Chad]
Steve, it was totally understandable, you don't have to--
[StI]
{interrupting} Just take the damn gift Chad.
{Chad goes into the shopping bag and pulls out a John Robertson
AWI PlushPal [tm] with a bow on it, then looks at it rather
puzzled.}
[Steve]
They had a lot left in stock for some reason ..
[Chad]
Um, yeah ... anyway, Steve, I realize a lot has been on your
mind lately, specifically one Jade Tiger. After the attack on you
and Angela, it seemed things couldn't get much more personal
between the two of you ... but then you ran in on his match with
a chair ...
{Steve *almost* smiles at this statement}
[Chad]
... and recently on Armageddon, you crossed paths twice. Now,
things have turned up another notch, as there is a $25,000 bounty
to put you out of wrestling.
[Steve]
See, funny thing is Chad, I can kinda respect that. Hitting him
with a chair knocked some sense into the Tiger's head, 'cause now
he's targeting me, not Angela. {under his breath} Damn chair
can't even put him in the hospital. {normal voice} I'd consider
putting a bounty on him, except that the only one taking out the
Tiger is me. Now, I'm sure all these folks are gonna try to come
and put me out ... let 'em. I need some fresh meat.
[Chad]
I take it you're referring to tonight's match with Nick Vorpal.
[Steve]
Well, not really, but since you brought it up ... I'd seen some
tapes of Vorpal in WOW ... didn't much care for him then. Don't
like him now. Jerry Straite's a good friend of mine, and Vorpal
did a number on him recently. I was kinda out of my head at the
time, so I didn't help Jerry, so I owe him big time for that.
Vorpal, you don't seem to be the brightest guy, so I'll put it
like this ... I kinda like Dr. Hyde, and you saw what I did to
him on Armageddon ... what do you think you're gonna be in for?
[Chad]
Well, I admit that Nick Vorpal is an ... unconventional
personality ... but he's shown a dangerous level of cunning
before in the--
{"Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's Theme)" by Ferrante & Teicher cues up
on the arena speakers, as Chad looks up in confusion ... Joe
Walker (The Artist Formerly Known As Streetfighting Kickboxing
Joe) comes walking down the aisle, clad in mottled black and
white stonewashed jeans, a black t-shirt, and athletic shoes;
over these, he's wearing a Green Bay Packers jersey, a Green Bay
belt & buckle, and a "cheese wedge" hat, adorned with a Green Bay
pennant. He's carrying a Green Bay Packer stress doll, with the
head and limbs velcroed in the wrong places. Steve watches him
head up the Blast Zone steps with a "like I need THIS" expression
while Chad just stares.}
[Joe Walker]
Hello, Mr. Duncan. I was ... {notices Chad's expression} go
ahead, ask.
[Chad]
What's the deal with--
[Joe Walker]
{taking off cheese wedge and eyeing it curiously} I had some
spare change this weekend -- do you have any IDEA how CHEAP this
stuff is now? {turns to the crowd} Ever since THE BRONCOS WENT
AND BUSTED THE BAY AT THE BOWL!!!
{The hometown crowd gives a pop as Joe tosses the hat to a fan.}
[Joe]
{looking at the Plush Pal} Here, Chad -- you can start a
collection.
{He hands Chad the stress doll, causing him to fumble between the
two stuffed toys and the microphone; Joe solves his problem by
relieving him of the latter, and turns to Steve.}
[Joe]
{sobering, almost grim} Now, let's get to the point ... I'm
sitting in the gym taking a break from the heavy bag for a
moment, and I see a picture of you on the tube ... and it says a
guy could get *twenty-five grand* for bustin' your head ... is
that right?
{Steve says nothing, but merely removes his shirt as if preparing
for a fight.}
[Chad]
Uh, yes, Joe, that's correct--
[Joe]
MOVING right along ... so I think to myself: Joe, you just about
put that schlub out of wrestling *before*, and for nothing else
but something to do on a Sunday night ... this could be easy
money, right? Joe could be a rich man ...
{The crowd begins to make uneasy noises, and Steve prepares for
a fight.}
[Kyle]: I knew it! Joe couldn't have gone soft! Here
come the knuckles!
[Joe]
{turning to the crowds} BUT NOT TODAY!!! {turns back to Steve}
I'm gonna level with you, Steve -- I've done some bad things in
my time. Some things I'm not proud of. But this Jade Tiger you've
gotten yourself mixed up with -- well, he makes me look like a
Mountain time *Mother Theresa*. Every man in this promotion knows
that you could kick his tail AND his little glass bird's across
the whole state if you get the chance -- and God knows you oughta
GET that chance. {beat} So as far as I'm concerned, Steve-o, any
thug the Tiger can dig up to try for that prize ... has to get
through THIS thug!
{Joe extends a hand to Steve.}
[Steve]
You've gotta be kidding me. You're gonna watch my back?!? Listen,
I realize that you and I didn't exactly have this blood feud
going on ... hell, all I wanted was for you to keep it down a
little bit. So, I see you're back in the AWI, and I figure "Ok,
everyone deserves a second chance. He goes his way, I'll go
mine." All of a sudden this bounty thing happens, and you show
up. Joe, I'm crazy, not stupid. Why should I trust you?
{Joe starts to answer, but is interrupted by the sudden
appearance of a number of figures coming up the aisle ...}
[Heather]
We seem to have even more company ...
[Paul]
If it gets any more crowded down there, Chad's going
to have to break out the Tostitos.
[Heather]
This doesn't make much sense--that looks like Digger
Douglas, Flapjack Jones, and two of the Grey
Guardians--but what could THEY want?
[Kyle]
I'll give you a hint-KACHING! KACHING!
{In fact, Douglas snatches the microphone from a half-confused,
half-amused Joe}
[Douglas]
We've had enough talking! $25,000, even split four ways, is more
than a lot of us make in a month! And a bunch of us in back
decided we could use that kind of cash ... so get your hospital
reservations in order, Steve--and you'd best just run back to the
locker room, chop-socky man!
{Joe and Steve both look at each other, then laugh, and ...}
[Heather]
AND JOE AND STEVE ARE GOING TO TOWN! Joe just FLATTENED
Digger Douglas with a roundhouse kick--the Guardians
rushed Steve, but he clotheslines both, and is now
stomping them ... wait, Flapjack has him from behind--
Joe with a double axhandle to make the save--AND STEVE
GRABS FLAPJACK'S HEAD--JUMPS OFF THE PLATFORM--AND
DRIVES JONES'S FACE INTO THE FLOOR!
[Kyle]
Mommy.
[Heather]
Douglas is back up, but Joe nails him again, this time
with a knee/ax-kick combo ... and suddenly Joe and
Steve are all alone in a standing position!
[Paul]
Mostly because Chad hit the deck just now.
[Heather]
The fans are going absolutely NUTS here! And ...
[Paul]
And naturally, we have to take a break!
[Kyle]
And I'm going to be sick.
=================================================================
{Camera pans around a tropical vista ... mountains in the
background, a blue sky, white clouds, the sun shining.}
[Man's Voice]
Nature's wonders.
{shots of volcanos, the grand canyon, mt. fuji, niagra falls.}
[Man's Voice]
Man's own wonders.
{Shots of the Washington memorial, the pyramids, the Sphinx, the
leaning tower of Pisa.}
[Man's Voice]
Great masterpieces of art.
{Shots of "The Last Supper", Michelangelo's David, Venus De Milo,
the Mona Lisa.}
[Man's Voice]
Great knowledge and wisdom.
{Camera comes in on a temple in the jungle, moving through
pillars and statues until it comes to an archway ... standing
there is the Oracle in all white, to his side is a sleek
computer.}
[Oracle]
All of this and more can be yours ... the Oracle computer ... the
future is now. So it is stated, says the Oracle.
{Camera goes to black with only the Oracle company's logo in
green on the screen, a flash and camera fades out.}
=================================================================
{Cut into the ring.}
[Alan Kinsman]
Ladies and gentlemen, your next bout ... first, from parts
unknown, weighing in at two-hundred and eighty pounds ... the
OOOORRRAAACLEEE!!!
{"Time Stands Still" by Rush plays in the air as Oracle strides
confidently down to ringside.}
[AK]
And his opponent ... from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ... weighing
in at two-hundred and sixty-five pounds ... one half of the WORLD
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS ...
{Emergency sirens sound as the crowd begins to boo.}
... "Stretcher" ... Mike ... KIRWAN!!!
[Paul]: Didn't he forget the "accompanied to the ring
by his manager, blah blah" part?
{Mike Kirwan stalks down to the ring with a rather grim
expression on his face, followed by "Asylum" John Smith.}
[Heather]: Apparently not ...
{The two start off in a collar-elbow tieup; Kirwan gets the
advantage, and slaps on a hammerlock.}
[Heather]: Kirwan off to a fast start ...
{Oracle breaks the lock, and Kirwan scoops him up and slams him
on his arm.}
[Paul]: You know, Heather, if I ever was physically
forced into signing a match with Mike, I think I'd
just show up with a cast on my arm and save him the
work.
{He drops a knee on the arm, but Oracle rolls out of the way.
Both men stand, and Kirwan picks up Oracle for another bodyslam;
Oracle kicks him from the ground, then picks *him* up, pressing
him overhead before dropping him to the mat.}
[Heather]: Yes! A little return value from the Oracle!
{He rushes to the ropes and returns with a splash, but Kirwan
dodges.}
[Kyle]: Was that a maneuver, or did he just trip on
his shoelaces?
{Mike puts on a wakigatme before Oracle can recover; he adds a
crossface, then releases and stands up, stomping on the arm, then
dropping a knee on it. He then puts Oracle in a hammerlock.}
[Paul]: My arm's beginning to throb just from watching
this ... may I be excused?
[Heather]: {dryly} If I have to watch, YOU have to
watch.
{Oracle breaks out of the hammerlock, and Mike applies an armbar,
lifting him up to his feet. Oracle breaks the hold, and Kirwan
throws him into a belly to belly suplex.}
[Kyle]: Yahtzee!
[Heather]: Mike Kirwan showing he's not *all* armlocks
and submission holds -- he also has a fair talent for
high impact maneuvers.
{Mike drags Oracle to the corner before rolling out of the ring.
He grabs Oracle's arm and slams it into the ring post.}
[Kyle]: And THAT is most definitely a high impact
maneuver!
{He reenters, putting the arm back into a hammerlock, then adding
a half nelson. Both men stand, and Oracle breaks the lock, but
Kirwan drops him back to the mat with a straitjacket suplex.}
[Paul]: Ouch! Is there a part of the body that doesn't
hurt?
[Kyle]: I think his toes get off the hook.
{He picks up Oracle and whips him to the ropes, catching him on
the rebound with a tilt-a-whirl shoulderbreaker, before
reapplying the hammerlock nelson. Oracle breaks out of the hold,
and locks Mike in a full nelson.}
[Heather]: Oracle out and around -- and he's got Mike
Kirwan trapped! Kirwan's reaching for the ropes, but
he can't get them ... he's pulling on those arms, but
he can't break it -- HE'S NODDING YES! MIKE KIRWAN
SUBMITS!
{"Asylum" Smith rushes into the ring with a steel chair, and
smacks Oracle behind the head with it, knocking him to the mat.}
[Kyle]: If that's a submission, it's a Versailles
surrender, sister!
{Kirwan applies a wristlock, and Smith begins cracking the chair
hard against Oracle's arm.}
[Heather]: This is -- this is horrible! They're trying
to take him out for good!
[Kyle]: Yeah, and doing a damn good job of it!
{After a few shots with the chair, Mike whipcracks the arm and
releases, stomping off to grab a microphone. Smith keeps kicking
and punching Oracle as Mike speaks.}
[Mike Kirwan]
Everyone wants to know why we're more aggressive. Everyone wants
to know the whereabouts of Dr. Lupo. Everyone wants to know why
we're suddenly swrestling singles matches. Plain and simple --
*BECAUSE WE CAN!*
No one seems to want to face us as a duo anymore. This is
understandable, because we are, quite frankly, the most dominant
team in wrestling history. However, my partner and I still need a
workout every so often, so we take what we can get. Oracle,
Mendoza -- don't take it personally. Fact is, we don't much like
you -- we don't hate you, but if you faded from this planet
neither of us would really mind. You're our little examples to
the rest of the AWI -- we're done playing games.
Dr. Lupo has felt that it's time for him to move on ... so we now
have one less thing holding us back. You've been put on notice
AWI -- the carnage is just beginning.
{He stomps off, tapping Smith on the shoulder; they leave the
ring just as the referee brigade begins to arrive.}
[Kyle]: YES! Intensive Care is BACK!
[Paul]: Uh, when did they leave? Other than just now?
[Kyle]: No, I mean the REAL Intensive Care, the "leave
you rolling around in your own blood crippled"
Intensive Care!
[Heather]: ENOUGH, Kyle ... fans, we'll be back after
these messages ...
[Kyle]
Blood, Heather, blood!
=================================================================
{"Raw Deal" by the Lady of Rage, and "The Mastermind" Alliyah
Johnston makes her way to ringside to a surprised smattering of
boos. She stops by ringside, grabs a microphone, and enters the
ring.}
[MAJ]
I have never, ever mistakenly referred to Dacia Blackthorne as
intelligent. I have never, ever mistakenly referred to Dacia
Blackthorne as being a highly-polished example of wrestling
acumen. I have never, ever mistakenly referred to Dacia
Blackthorne as a potential "Baywatch" actress. In fact, I believe
I've noted so many negative aspects about Dacia Blackthorne --
her looks, her feminity, her lack of wrestling skills, her
horrible choice in associates ... hell, her horrible choice in
CAREER ... that I've utterly lost track of all of the things
wrong with "The Ringmaster".
However ... I fear at some time in these dark ages which have
fallen upon the AWI stemming from Dacia's entry into the AWI ...
I may have accused Blackthorne of cowardice. Given her challenge
earlier in the day, I believe it's safe to say that Dacia
Blackthorne is many things ... most of which a standard,
self-respecting woman would be loathe to be ... but she is not a
coward. I would postulate it has to do with not being intelligent
enough to fear her superiors, but that's neither here nor there.
Because you lack cowardice, Dacia ... I will grant you a modicum
of respect. So ... if you can roll on out, I'd like to address
your earlier challenge.
{"Amazing Grace" begins blaring over the soudspeakers as Dacia
Blackthorne makes her way to the squared circle. She looks
considerably less happy than earlier.}
[MAJ]
Dacia ... to paraphrase the classic quote ... "I am not an animal
... I'm a woman. A woman." As such, I will not demean myself by
stepping into a cage of any type with you.
{Dacia goes to say something, but Johnston pulls the microphone
away.}
HOWEVER ... I do share your concern about outside interference.
My concern, though, stems from your hitwoman ... bodyguard ...
whatever term you'd like to use today ... Susan O'Malley. So,
rather than disrespect ourselves in {shudders} a cage, why don't
we simply stipulate that anyone appearing illegally at ringside
is suspended for 30 days? That way, when O'Malley attempts her
interference, she'll not only be embarrassed for her
ineffectiveness, but will be appropriately punished.
{Dacia glares intently at Alliyah for a *LONG* time and the fans
get their worth by egging the two stars on with rhythmic clapping
and chants of 'Black-Thorne ... Black-Thorne.' Dacia finally
takes the mic from Alliyah.}
[RMDB]
You know Alliyah, I've warned you once about putting my friends
names in your mouth with any sort of negative connotation. And
quite frankly once is enough.
[Kyle]: As if one could put any POSITIVE spin on
Susan O'Freak's name.
{Dacia steps into Alliyah's face and gets nose to nose with her.}
But since O'Malley could take you any day of the week like she
did your half-wit buddy Taylor, I won't waste time slapping your
teeth down your throat. And since it's obvious you're afraid to
step inside the cage with the one person you know can kick your
ass all over oblivion ... I'll accept your terms just to prove to
you, and the world, your just a washed-up media hound pretending
to be a wrestler.
[Kyle]: At least she's GOT a day job, honey!
[MAJ]
{ignoring Dacia's comments} Oh ... one other thing. I understand
Comedy Central may be interested in giving the AWI some airtime
in the future. As such, it would not be best for the league if
you are suspended, since your matches are the AWI's main source
of humor material. I have no problem risking my broadcast career,
because /I/ know that you will not be able to pin me or make me
submit in my glorious AWI return match. So ... we can keep that
stipulation. ON the other hand ... rather than risking your own
career ... why don't we simply have you give me both a public
apology for your derogatory statements towards me as well as a
public admittance that you simply talk TOO much? Fair?
{Alliyah extends her hand for Dacia to shake it and Dacia SPITS
on her hand.}
[Kyle]: Just call her Dacia Alomar.
[RMDB]
Your handshake to me is just as good as your half-hearted
attempts at fair wrestling. Just sign your name on the contract
we'll settle it in the ring.
[Kyle]: Go on, Heather -- tell me what a sportsman
Dacia is, huh, huh?
[Heather]: Given all the ... well, I can't say what
I'd like to call it, since I'm still SITTING in this
broadcaster's chair ... but frankly, Kyle, I think
after what Johnston's said and done, Dacia can be
forgiven for being a little ... curt.
[Paul]: A little Curt? Heather, didn't we get enough
of this trans thing with Robbie and Freechild?
{Dacia gets in Alliyah's face again and starts jawing at her. Alliyah turns her back to Dacia non-chalantly, and heads for the ropes.}
[Kyle]: Yeahyeahyeah, be the big Blackthorne
apologist. Face it -- Johnston is RIGHT, as always,
and Dacia's just not big enough a woman to ADMIT it!
Which is surprising, since "big" is the first word
I usually associate with Dacia ...
{Dacia turns back to say something to the crowd.}
[Heather]: And ALLIYAH'S BACK WITH A CHAIRSHOT!!!
{Alliyah whacks Dacia with a chair she picked up through the
ropes, and then grabs her from behind. She puts her head against
Dacia's back, holding her arms, and spins around to put Dacia
under her before falling to the mat.}
[Heather]: Oh, no -- MINDBLOWER!!!
[Kyle]: Quick question: what's the last thing to
go through Dacia's head just then? THE MAT!!!
{Alliyah rolls out of the ring with a smug expression, as ring
attendants show up to check on Dacia.}
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
=================================================================
{Camera opens on the ring.}
[Alan Kinsman]
Ladies and gentlemen, your next bout is for one fall ... first,
weighing in at two hundred and eighty pounds ... from San Diego,
California ... NICK VORPAL!
{Nick Vorpal comes down to ringside amidst a flurry of boos,
accompanied by flashing lights, sirens, and fireworks -- not to
mention Reverend Jeremiah James, Mikhail Tzskova, and Sarah
Barker. He climbs the turnbuckle when he gets in the ring,
holding up his chain like it was a title belt.}
[Kinsman]
And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred and seventy pounds
... from the Isle of Yap ...
{The guitar riffs of "One" by Metallica begins to play over the
loudspeakers, and the crowd goes insane once more.}
... STEEEEEEEEEVE ... THE INSAAAAAAAAANE!!!
{Steve heads down the aisle, followed closely by Joe Walker.}
[Kyle]: Hey -- what business does Joe have out here?
He's not Steve's manager! He's not Steve's partner!
[Paul]: He's not going to listen to you ...
[Heather]: In any case, Tom Newman seems inclined
to let Walker and the Flock take care of each other,
rather than throwing anyone out.
{Tzskova and Sarah Barker start gathering up all the chairs from
the ringside officials such as the timekeeper, even as Steve
opens up with a back elbow smash before the ring bell.}
[Heather]: Steve up to an early start -- and what ARE
those two up to?
[Kyle]: Safety patrol?
{Tzskova reserves one chair for himself to sit at ringside.
Inside, Steve kicks Vorpal, then whips him into the turnbuckle.
He rushes in with another elbow smash, but Nick dodges and Steve
hits the turnbuckle; Nick grabs him by the head and gives him a
couple stiff headbutts.}
[Paul]: And the new, rational, contemplative Nick
Vorpal attempts a meeting of the minds ... physically.
{He winds up for a punch, but Steve dodges, and rams Nick
headfirst into the turnbuckle. He then whips Vorpal into the
ropes, and sends him into the air with a back drop on the
rebound. Steve runs to the opposite ropes, and dives out of the
ring at Mikhail Tzskova, who barely avoids a plancha.}
[Heather]: Steve with a high-speed -- NO! He dives for
Tzskova! And the Philosopher scrambles out of the way,
looking all too shaken by that close call ...
[Kyle]: Yeah, he's shaken, Nick Vorpal's stirred up,
and Steve is downright SCRAMBLED on the floor ...
[Paul]: I guess Steve wanted that chair REALLY badly.
{Vorpal steps out on the apron and jumps off with a fist drop.
Then the camera cuts to show Jade Tiger and Crystal Crow just
at the curtains at the beginning of the aisle; Jade Tiger is
pointing to the briefcase (which was just shown carrying the
$25,000) and signalling to Vorpal and his companions.}
[Heather]: That little sneak! Look at him egging on
the Flock, trying to get them to do his dirty work
for him! I can't believe he has the GUTS to even
walk into this arena!
[Paul]: Sure he does, Heather -- Steve's all the
way over THERE, after all ...
{Vorpal drags Steve over to the railing, but Steve shoves him
away. The camera cuts to show Tzskova sneaking his chair into
the ring.}
[Heather]: What the-- they're setting up Steve
BIG TIME here ... I think they just may be going
for the Tiger's prize!
[Kyle]: Set up? Heather, he's just keeping Steve as
far away from that nasty weapon as possible. You
know, so everyone plays nice?
{Joe pushes Tzskova away from the ring, and tries to reach the
chair, but Tzskova pulls him back. Sarah Barker distracts the
ref, and Vorpal powerbombs Steve.}
[Heather]: That is NOT playing nice!
[Kyle]: Hey, *I* thought it was a pretty nice move.
{Vorpal rolls Steve back into the ring, and follows him in. He
picks up Steve and whips him into the ropes; Steve rebounds with
a back elbow smash.}
[Heather]: Jade Tiger's seen enough, apparently, and
he's heading back out of the arena -- and good
riddance!
{The two trade punches back and forth a bit as the referee gets
rid of the chair, which convinces Joe to lay off Mikhail.}
[Kyle]: Killjoys!
{Steve whips Nick into the turnbuckle, and follows up with a
clothesline. The two struggle for bit, and Steve tosses Nick over
the top. Steve rolls out, and throws Nick into the railing. He
closes for more damage, but Nick wards him off with a low blow.
He rolls in and out of the ring to reset the count, then grabs
Steve and delivers a front-face piledriver on the concrete.}
[Kyle]: Yeah! Three or four more of those, and you'll
knock the sanity back into his head, Nick! THEN he'll
know enough to run away with his tail between his legs!
{He throws Steve back into the ring, rolls inside after him, and
picks him up into a power choke.}
[Heather]: This is too much! It's enough for him to
be using these vicious tactics outside the ring -- but
this is a blatantly illegal maneuver, and right in
view of the referee!
[Kyle]: Fireworks at four inches is not "right in view"
for Tom Newman ... did I mention, Tom's my favorite
referee?
{He drops Steve when the referee starts counting, and Steve leans
forward, flipping Vorpal over his shoulder in a backdrop. He
pulls Vorpal over to the ropes, but Vorpal gives him a flurry of
punches to drive him off, and sets him on the ropes. He stuns him
with another set of punches, then grabs him and leaps off with a
super belly to belly suplex.}
[Heather]: Good GOD, that hit like an earthquake!
{Nick climbs back up the ropes and jumps off as Steve gets to his
feet.}
[Kyle]: And here comes the aftershock, honey ...
{Steve catches him.}
[Heather]: HOLY -- he just caught Nick Vorpal! That's
close to three-hundred pounds of angry madman ...
{He rotates around, and drops Nick head-first into the
turnbuckle stungun style.}
[Heather]: ... spins around -- FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!!!
And Nick Vorpal is out for the count!
[Kyle]: No, he's not! Look, his leg is moving! He's
going to kick out!
[Paul]: {audible grimace} No, I think that's just
a reflexive twitch, like bugs before the poison
kicks in ...
[Heather]: ONE, TWO, THREE!!! Steve the Insane has
won!!! And he's NOT going to rest on his laurels!
{Steve rolls out of the ring, caught and steadied by Joe Walker;
he pauses to rest for just a moment, then starts jogging down
the aisle with a determined look.}
[Heather]: His work his done here -- now he's going
to find the Tiger! We'll be right back, folks!
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
=================================================================
[Alan Kinsman]
Ladies and gentlemen ... the MAIN EVENT of this evening is an
"Iron Man" event with a time limit of THIRTY MINUTES ... the
match will not be ended until the time limit has completely
expired. The first competitor, from Toronto, Ontario in Canada
... weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds ... "The
Canadian Sensation" ... CHRIS SIM!
{Chris jogs down to ringside, slapping hands with the fans.}
And his opponent ... from the city of Madison, Wisconsin ...
weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-nine pounds ...
accompanied to the ring tonight by his manager, the Plague Dog
...
{"You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman/Turner Overdrive kicks
up, and the crowds start cheering heavily.}
... "BUUUUUUUUULLDOG" ... BRYAN ... BAAAAAAAAACHMAN!!!
{Bachman walks down to the ring, the wheelchair bound Plague Dog
close behind him. When he gets to the ring, he rolls inside,
stands up, and shakes hands with Chris Sim.}
[Kyle]: Well, we're in for a great display of
sportmanship and scientific wrestling tonight.
[Heather]: Indeed, Kyle, this should be a truly
interesting--
[Kyle]: Hey, Heather, weren't you listening? It's NOT
going to be INTERESTING, it's going to be sportmanship
and scientific wrestling!
{Sim opens with a dropkick; as both rise, he attempts a back
brain kick, but Bachman dodges. Both men get up, and Bachman lays
a double axhandle on his head.}
[Kyle]: Well, maybe Bachman's got a LITTLE potential ...
IF he could get decent management, like--
[Paul]: Nope, nope, we're NOT even going there.
{Sim returns with a back brain kick, then picks up Bachman and
whips him to the ropes; dashing to the other side, he rebounds
with a bulldog lariat. Bulldog headbutts him as they rise, then
whips him into the corner, and starts kicking him.}
[Kyle]: I'm telling you, there's clay to be molded
here ...
[Paul]: Heather, make him stop ...
{Sim pushes him off, then bodyslams him. Sim climbs the corner,
and flies off with a dropkick; as Bachman gets up, Sim takes him
back down with a flying mare. Sim pulls him to his feet, but
Bachman scoops him up into a backbreaker, then drags him up again
for a shoulderbreaker.}
[Heather]: BRUTAL power combination from the Bulldog ...
{He pulls Sim to his feet, and whips him to the ropes, rushing to
the opposite side; Sim leaps onto the ropes and springs off with
a bodypress, but Bachman drops to the ground to let him hit the
mat.}
[Kyle]: Just what you'd expect from Air Canada! {makes
engine noises followed by a crashing sound}
{Bryan headbutts him again, and pulls him up, only to be taken
down by a back brain kick. Sim snaps a neckbreaker on him as
they're getting up, then climbs up top, and catches Bachman with
a bodypress as he stands: 1 ... 2 ... Bachman manages to kick out
just before three.}
[Heather]: Man, that was CLOSE ... Sim mounting a major
offensive on the Bulldog ...
{He hits Chris with a forearm, and pulls him to his feet, but
Chris returns with a hurricarana; as Bachman stands, Sim leaps on
his shoulders for a victory roll, but gets no count.}
[Paul]: Man, Chris Sim is really pulling out the stops
here ...
[Heather]: Well, if you think about it, this is really
a win-win match for him. He knows he's not going to get
any funny business from a quality competitor like Bryan
Bachman ...
[Kyle]: PLEASE, don't remind me.
{He puts Bachman in a headlock and stands up; when Bryan breaks
out, he scoops him into a bodyslam.}
[Heather]: ... and frankly, if he just finishes a match
like this on his feet, it's a spiritual victory -- how
many men in this sport can EVEN say they just kept UP
with Bachman for a half hour?
[Kyle]: Who cares? None of them have WINS to show for
it. So it just goes to show that they're not just
losers, they're DUMB losers.
[Paul]: Maybe they just buy into the Protestant loss
ethic?
{Sim climbs to the top again, and leaps off with a flying
enziguiri, but Bryan drops out of the way. He picks up Sim before
he can recover, and short-arm clotheslines him; standing back up,
Chris jumps and pulls Bryan down with another flying mare. Bryan
forearms Sim, then stands and slams a double axhandle across the
back. He picks up Sim, and whips him to the ropes; Sim comes off
the rebound with a dropkick, then pulls up Bachman for a bulldog.}
25:00
{Sim climbs to the top, and attempts a flying sunset flip, but
misses. Bachman picks him up and sends him to the ropes, running
to the opposite side, but Sim catches him with a bulldog lariat
on the rebound. He climbs up top, and leaps off with a flying
dropkick, then makes the cover: 1 ... and Bachman kicks out.}
[Kyle]: I almost feel sorry for the Canuck Shmuck in
there ... let's face it, nothing short of beating this
guy over the head with his manager's wheelchair is
going to stop him.
[Paul]: Uh, no, that's been tried, too.
{Bachman smacks him with a forearm as the two get up, but Sim
hurricaranas him, then heads for the top again. He crosses his
arms in an "X", and jumps off to hit the Bulldog with a flying
forearm, and makes the cover.}
[Heather]: There's the signal -- THE CROSSHAIRS!
And Sim hooks the leg ... 1 ... 2 ... TH-- NO!
Bachman gets a shoulder up! AMAZING!
{Bachman headbutts Chris, then gets up and whips him to the
corner. He closes in for a series of three kicks, then scoops
him up for a shoulderbreaker. He follows with a double
axehandle smash. Sim grabs a leg and pulls him to the mat,
then gets up still holding the leg and flips into a hamstring
pull. As the two get up, Sim flying mares Bachman over the top
rope.}
[Paul]: And there we learn a valuable lesson -- dogs
can't fly! Oof!
{Bachman crawls back onto the apron, and Sim closes in. Bachman
headbutts him in the gut as he gets close, then slingshots in
for a bodypress.}
[Heather]: Look again, Paul, because HE'S FLYING NOW!
{Bachman hooks a leg, but gets no count. Sim grabs him in a
headlock and pulls him to his feet, but Bachman counters with
an atomic drop. He pulls up Sim and tries a shortarm clothesline,
but Sim reverse it into a crucifix rollup, for no count.}
[Heather]: EXCELLENT counter maneuver from Chris Sim
-- pin Nazi! Sim is far from giving up, but nothing he
does seems to be able to keep the Bulldog down long
enough!
[Kyle]: Then he's not trying hard enough ... let me
offer some suggestions: mace ... cayenne ...
{Bryan hits him with a forearm, then stands and slams a double
axehandle into his back, before scooping him up for a
shoulderbreaker. As Sim returns to his feet, Bachman whips him to
the ropes, bouncing off the other side; Sim sunset flips him: 1
... 2 ... Bachman escapes by a hair.}
[Kyle]: ... heavy automatic gunfire ... nerve gas ...
EW Dream, Jamal St. Claire ... fuel-air explosives ...
[Heather]: You have to give credit to Sim -- Bachman
may keep the advantage for a while, but Sim keeps
bouncing back just as much. And sooner or later, one
of those pins is going to count!
[Kyle]: Yeah, either that or Chris is going to wear
himself out in the first 10 minutes, and Bachman's
gonna just lie on top of him counting a pin every 3
seconds. REAL smart.
{Chris Sim gets up, and slingshot catapults him into the corner,
then attempts a handspring rush, but Bachman moves aside; he
grabs Chris by the head and bulldogs him, then slaps on a
sleephold on a sitting Sim.}
20:00
{Sim breaks out, and uses a single-leg takedown, then snaps a
German suplex on Bachman as he's getting up, but Bachman breaks
out before the count. Chris pulls Bachman back up with a side
headlock, but Bachman breaks out and smashes him with a double
axhandle; Chris replies with a single-leg takedown, then a
neckbreaker. He slingshot catapults him back into the corner,
and this time hits a handspring back elbow. Sim then stands
Bachman on the top, and climbs up top with him; Bachman grabs
him, and short-arm clotheslines him off the turnbuckles.}
[Heather]: Sim trying for the big money maneuver --
but Bachman's fighting him! CLOTHESLINE, and Sim is
down!
{Bryan leaps off for a flying bulldog as he's struggling up.}
[Heather]: AND THERE'S THE BULLDOG! ONE ... TWO ...
THREE!!!
{The referee calls both men back to the center.}
[Heather]: Both men will now have a minute's rest
period before the match resumes ...
[Kyle]: Oh, big "iron men" ... why don't we just
send them some iced tea and crumpets while they're
at it!
{The match restarts; Chris Sim knocks down Bachman with a back
brain kick, then climbs up top. He crosses his arms in an "X".}
[Heather]: Chris Sim is looking to even the score
-- CROSSHAIRS!!! One ... two .. thre-- NO! Bachman
throws him off!
{Bachman locks on a sleephold. Sim forces his way to his feet,
breaks out, and drops Bachman with another back brain kick. He
climbs to the top, and makes the "X" signal again.}
[Paul]: I guess third time's a charm ...
{Sim flies off with a forearm shot, and makes the cover: 1 ...
2 ... Bachman kicks out.}
[Heather]: I don't believe it -- three Crosshairs,
and the Bulldog still won't stay down!!!
[Paul]: YOU can't believe it? Sim is downright
BOGGLED ... I think he's feeling like the warranty
just ran out on his arm!
{Sim headlocks Bachman and pulls him up, then rolls him into
a bridging hurricarana, but Bachman breaks away before the
count. Sim headlocks him again, and this time small packages
him: ... 1 ... and Bachman kicks out again.}
[Heather]: Sim has GOT to be feeling frustrated right
now ...
[Kyle]: Oh, duh -- I'M feeling frustrated right now,
and I don't even LIKE the guy!
{Bachman slams a forearm into him, and gets up, only to get
knocked down by a dropkick from Sim. Sim climbs to the top rope,
and jumps off with a dropkick, but Bachman dodges, and applies a
wristlock from the ground to pull up Sim. He throws a double
axehandle smash, then whips him to the ropes, rebounding from the
other side to nail him with a bulldog lariat.}
Clock: 15:00
{Bachman picks up Sim from the floor and bulldogs him. He picks
him back up, and lifts him into a vertical suplex. He then
climbs up top, and jumps off for a flying bulldog.}
[Heather]: One more time! Bachman makes the cover --
One! Two! Three!-- NO!!! Sim's on the ropes!
{Bachman gets up, and Sim drops Bachman to the ground with a
single-leg takedown, then climbs up top himself; he jumps off
and hits Bachman with a flying elbow drop, then picks him up
and whips him to the ropes. Bachman returns with a sunset flip,
but Sim claps his knees and rolls out.}
[Heather]: The Canadian Sensation showing a bit of that
endurance he's been fighting in Bachman ...
[Kyle]: Yeah, and it's just as annoying in him ...
{Bachman stands up and grabs Sim for a bulldog; Sim picks him up
trying for an atomic drop, but stumbles and the two both fall to
the mat. Bachman recovers first, and makes a cover: 1 ... 2 ...
3!}
[Heather]: And fatigue is finally beginning to rear
its ugly head in this match ... Chris Sim taking a
noticeably longer time to answer to referee Clay
Evans's summons this time. Things look dark for Sim
-- over halfway through this match, and he's two
pinfalls under Bryan Bachman, AND beginning to look
worse for the wear.
[Kyle]: Worse for the wear? Face it, Heather, he's
LOST. He's not just two down, he's SHUT OUT. He's
so far behind, the bookies just shut down their
booths and are already paying off.
{The referee calls the restart a minute later. Sim opens with a
back brain kick again, and then hops on the ropes, springing off
with a bodypress, but Bachman ducks out. Bryan picks up Chris and
shoulderbreakers him, then drags him to his feet; Chris gets on a
side headlock, which he converts to a bulldog. He pulls Bryan to
the corner, and stands him on the ropes again, then follows him;
then he does a super hurricarana and makes the cover -- for no
count.}
[Kyle]: GIVE UP! HOSER RHYMES WITH LOE-SER!
[Paul]: Oh, boy, that is wrong on SO many levels ...
{Both men stand, and Chris flying mares Bachman over the top
rope; he grabs the top of the ropes, and slingshots himself over
for a splash. He rolls Bachman into the ring, and climbs the
turnbuckle from outside, then crosses his arms before leaping off
with a forearm on the woozily standing Bachman.}
[Paul]: No! Don't do it, Chris! You can't return it
if you break it!
[Heather]: CROSSHAIRS! Chris makes the cover -- 1 ...
2 ... THREE!!! CHRIS SIM HAS PINNED BRYAN BACHMAN!!!
The score now stands at 2 to 1, with about 12 minutes
left on the clock ...
[Paul]: Well, make that 11 minutes, after this rest
period.
{Referee restarts. Bachman scoops up Sim for a backbreaker, then
picks him up and follows with a shoulderbreaker. He makes a
cover.}
[Heather]: Bachman makes a weary cover -- one ... two
... THREE!!! And Sim back where he was before that
incredible offensive, and most likely running near
empty by now ...
10:00
{Referee restarts after a minute. Bachman hits Sim with a double
axehandle, but Sim pulls him down with a single-leg takedown. He
climbs onto the turnbuckles, and jumps off for a flying elbow
drop; as both men stand, he catches Bachman with a bridging
hurricarana: 1 ... Bryan kicks out.}
[Heather]: Impressive agility move by Sim -- and
Bachman's out!
{Sim grabs him with a side headlock, stands and runs for a
bulldog, then climbs the turnbuckles again. He jumps off for a
splash, and hooks the leg: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
[Heather]: SOARING aerial maneuver from Chris Sim ...
AND THERE'S THREE!!! Chris Sim is still in this game!
[Kyle]: For the record, he's also still LOSING!
[Heather]: Bachman taking a SURPRISINGLY long time
getting back to the center of the ring ... that burst
from Sim seems to have taken a LOT out of him -- he
may even be injured ...
[Paul]: You can DO that to him?
[Heather]: Almost 5 minutes remaining now in this
match, as Bachman finally gets to his feet.
{Referee restarts. Sim opens with a dropkick, then picks up Bryan
and whips him towards the ropes, rushing after him. As they hit
the ropes, he leaps into a bulldog lariat, carrying Bachman with
him over the top rope.}
[Heather]: He's making this a close one -- OVER THE
TOP! Good God, that was dangerous!
[Kyle]: Bulldog's knocked him around so bad, he's lost
his brains! You know, if you look close, I think you
can actually see them over in the corner there ...
{Sim gets back inside the ring, and waits for Bachman to climb
onto the apron, then he slingshots over the top rope into a
sunset flip that hits almost like a powerbomb.}
[Heather]: And ANOTHER suicidal maneuver from Chris
Sim! He's burning to win this match!
{He pulls Bachman up and rolls him into the ring, then climbs on
the apron himself; using the ropes to slingshot himself into the
ring, he hits Bachman with a somersault leg drop, and makes a
cover:}
[Heather]: Hel-LO! Chris Sim with an amazing display
of courage and agility ... here's the count -- 1 ...
2 ... THREE!!! CHRIS SIM HAS TIED THE SCORE!!!
{The referee calls both men to the center, and waits for the
timekeeper's signal.}
[Heather]: Referee calls for a start with seconds to
go ...
{Chris Sim immediately leaps and catches Bachman in a bridging
hurricarana.}
[Heather]: And Chris Sim wastes no time! One -- two
-- THREE! I think he got the pin!
{The bell rings just as the referee is making the count.}
[Alan Kinsman]
Ladies and gentleman ... the final tally for this match is three
pinfalls by "Bulldog" Bryan Bachman ... and three pinfalls by
"Canadian Sensation" Chris Sim ...
{The crowd sighs collectively, most thinking Sim had the last
fall.}
... therefore, this match is ruled a DRAW!
{The crowd's disappointment turns to a flurry of cheers as Sim
and Bachman return to their feet and shake hands in the middle
of the ring.}
=================================================================
{Cut back to the pressbox, where Kyle has his head layed down on
his folded arms, snoring loudly and obviously.}
[Heather]
KYLE!
[Kyle]
{looking up with mock grogginess} Oh, I'm sorry, did we get to
something with KICK in it yet?
[Heather]
{sotto voce} I swear, he's worse than Helics ... {aloud} We're
almost out of time today, fans ... we'll leave you with some
comments from the Chaos Brothers, as promised ...
=================================================================
{The camera fades into a small dressing room where the Chaos
Brothers go through the afternoon rituals required to leave the
gym and wrestling life behind for the evening. For Zap this
entails careful placement of a number of small golden objects
into various holes throughout the facial region and meticulous
arrangement of his spiky hair to achieve a completely random
look. For Blunt it means putting on a shirt and perhaps
exchanging his faded and stained camos for another identical
pair. For obvious reasons, Blunt is sprawled on an uncomfortable
looking couch while Zap faces his reflection armed with styling
gel. Engaged in chatter, they fail to notice the camera.}
[Zap]
... keep saying we don't look like brothers ...
[Blunt]
It's just a freakin' metaphor! 'Sides, you picked it. That's was
the agreement.
[Zap]
I pick the name, you get the music. Now that I don't understand.
You don't even like Marilyn Manson. I've never heard you say
anything good about anything with a strong beat that wasn't a
march.
[Blunt]
No one hears the words anyway. I just wanted a good intimidating
sound and a title ...
[Zap]
Whoops! Camera ...
{Blunt jerks upright and glares at the cameraman before flopping
back down.}
[Blunt]
Can't get away from 'em. Just get rid of him, will ya?
[Zap]
No, this is good, I got a couple things to say.
[Blunt]
Oh, God. Speech number 14.5, coming up ...
[Zap]
{pointedly ignoring Blunt} I just wanted to say a lot of thanks
to a lot of people. We came here with just a demo tape and few
references, but the AWI took us in. Then we just disappear after
our first match. We had some problems that we had to deal with,
back with our s .. uh, families.
[Blunt]
Good call.
[Zap]
I'm not making excuses. I didn't expect to find a parking space
when we came back. Now we're in the running for the NA tag title.
I don't understand it. I don't WANT to understand it. I'm afraid
if I look to deeply it'd just be a setup.
[Blunt]
I don't ever want to hear you call Americans paranoid again.
Look, just smile, nod, and accept it. The AWI is the right place
for us, and the higher-ups understand that. We'll win the title,
or we won't. We'll go far, or we won't. No matter what happens,
we're here for the long haul.
{Blunt pulls an army green pack out from underneath the couch. He
stands, throws the pack over his shoulder, and walks towards the
camera.}
[Blunt]
Wrestling is what I, what WE, do. It's what we know. It's our
job, our hobby, and our career all in one. We'll take your
titles, but in the end we'll be measured by our skill and our
longevity. Right, that's one speech from both of us. Now, if
you'll excuse us ...
{Blunt pushes past the cameraman. Zap gives his hair one last
flick and follows his partner ... the camera follows Blunt,
gaining a bit too much speed, and fritzes as it makes an extreme
closeup with his back ... when the camera comes back to life, a
tilted view of a wild-haired man with a short beard and an AWI
staff jumpsuit can be seen stomping an obviously stunned
Dakota, the stranger screaming something about "NO MORE!
NO MORE!" ... Zap dropkicks him away, and the copyright notice
runs over the pair struggling down the hall.}
=================================================================
Copyright (c) 1998 Allied Sports Entertainment
Written by Bryant Berggren, Bryce Berggren, and the handlers of
Allied Wrestling International. (
geocities.com/area51/rampart/2060) (
geocities.com/area51/rampart) (
geocities.com/area51)