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Television Network
P R E S E N T S
=================================================================
[Doug Abercrombie]
I can't believe the ending of my match with Kerry Masters.
First, Kerry brings the Queen down because she wanted a good
look at Mr. Excitement, but she kept flirting with me during the
match and I got distracted. I know you want me, honey, but wait
'til after the match next time, okay? I'll show you a real good
time, but I need to take care of business first.
Then he pays off Spassky to come down and cheat in his favor.
Spassky, you are so lame! You have no business out there! You
suck! You can't ever come at anyone head-on, and need to
cheap-shot people from behind. You're lucky you snuck up on
Weasle, 'cause he would have kicked your fat, decrepit,
sandwich-fetching silverware-polishing, crumpet-eating *BLEEP*
back to England. But I figured out why you keep coming out
during my match. It's the same reason the Queen came out. You're
a homo and you want me! Well, I'm straight as an arrow and so is
the Weasle, so stay away, you English fruit!
But back to the Queen and Masters. Masters, you are terrible.
The ONLY reason you won is you were so bad, you threw me off my
game plan. You kept tripping and falling and I'd miss a move.
Of course you missed /all/ your moves. Somewhere down the line
I'll get another piece of you and I won't drop to your level
next time. I'll kick your *BLEEP* right from the beginning.
Loser. As for the Queen? Darling, I'll leave you my hotel room
number for you at the next event and you can drop in and see
me {big smile}.
Well, Weasle seems to have hit all the balls over the fence, so
I guess we better take off.
{camera fades}
=================================================================
{Fade into a view of a technological control room reminiscent of
NORAD, complete with Irwin Allen computer banks and three very
large television screens dominating the back wall. As the opening
bars to "The Final Countdown" by Europe begins to play, a young
African-American man in an executive suit (recognizable as Jamahn
Chamberlin) reaches out and presses a big red button marked
"Deploy". The outer TV screens begin shifting scenes rapidly
through random AWI action sequences, while the center one
displays a computer generated image of a missile launch. We see
a "warhead's eye view" of the missile's flight across a virtual
landscape of mountains and hills, approaching a city skyline,
zooming down a street and finally "locking on" to an athletic
stadium. As it begins its final approach, green "LED" style
numbers begin appearing superimposed over the central screen,
while the outer ones slow to recognizable clips:
[10] Angela Dante smacking Jade Tiger with a broom;
[09] Mist Angel backflipping out of a Reverend James chokeslam
in the midst of a battle royale;
[08] "Asylum" Smith taking a flying leap into a table with a
chainsaw;
[07] Perry Toxic w/a Toxic Bomb on Riverboat;
[06] Greg Gardner w/a Skywalk Slam on Tank Bradley
[05] Bryan Bachman hits Dan Lea with the Flying Bulldog;
[04] Perfection with the New Perfect Finisher on The Warbirds;
[03] Robbie Stevens & co. harassing Chad Duncan;
[02] The Fallen Angel with a double flying body press on Dream
Succubus;
[01] Steve the Insane gives Ken Mischief the Frontal Lobotomy;
At this point, the missile strikes home, all three monitors
explode in a shower of sparks, and a logo closes in like sliding
doors from top and bottom ...
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REUNION ARENA, DALLAS, TX
{And the camera comes view on a packed crowd cheering wildly,
before zooming in further to reach the announcer's platform,
where a very enthusiastic-looking Heather Rasputin, a very
irritated-looking Kyle Esprit, and a very goofy-looking
Paul Stone are positioned.}
[Heather]
Hello everybody, and welcome to this edition of EXPLOSION!
Tonight, we're going to see "the Awesome One", Kerry Masters,
in action against the always-inscrutable Jade Tiger ...
[Kyle]
Who should be receiving police protection from the AWI, not
forced to expose himself to mortal danger like this! He's being
stalked by a madman!
[Paul]
Well, if he tried to pin Kerry in the privacy of his own home,
people might ask questions.
[Heather]
Paul aside, Kyle, even YOU have to admit Jade Tiger brought this
down upon himself.
[Kyle]
For what?? All we KNOW that he did was stand up for the way
things used to be. You're gonna say an old man can get crippled
for a little nostalgia?
[Heather]
We can argue this later ... for now, we've got Chad Duncan in
the Blast Zone, awaiting comments from the Awesome One himself!
>>AISLE<<
{"Gett Off" by Prince and the New Power Generation keys up, as
"The Awesome One" Kerry Masters makes his way to ringside,
slapping hands and dishing out quick kisses to the women on in the aisleway seats. After making his way the ring, he does a quick, provocative dance as sparklers go off behind him in the shape of
a cursive "Awesome" with an overlaid "1". As the music and
sparklers go down, he hops out of the ring and joins Chad in
the Blast Zone.}
[Chad Duncan]
Kerry Masters ... you've had quite the reintroduction to the AWI
... a few rather competitive matches, and at least one rather bad
incident ...
[Kerry Masters]
{pulling the mic toward himself} Ah ah ah ... Chad ... all things
in their proper place. I'll get to "Mighty Midget" Maurice
Jackson in a minute. You know I've been pretty quiet as of late
...
[Chad]
Ummm ... Kerry ... you talk in front of the camera every chance
you get.
[Kerry]
Yeah, I know ... but before I was taking other people's camera
time as well as my own ... so comparitively, I'm being quiet. I
keep telling Chamberlin that they need to get a personal camera
team just for me ... but the boy just DOESN'T LISTEN ...
Anyway, I've been pretty quiet as of late, so, if you're sitting
at home, get comfortable, grab some popcorn ... 'cause I'm about
to do my Jerry Straite imitation ... and I may be the only person
in the AWI with a bigger mouth than he has.
First off ... my matches as of late. Mikhail Tzskova and the
Flock, to start. Tzskova ... don't think I didn't notice the
beatdown you and your boys put on me after the beatdown Reverend
James put on me. {To himself} Last time I ever tell somebody they
need God on their side ... didn't know he was listening ... {back
to the camera} Yes ... go ahead and stick KM on your belt.
Because, right now ... I have bigger fish to fry ... and to call
anybody "big" next to Maurice Jackson let's you /KNOW/ how little
I care about you. But ... as soon as I clear a spot on my plate
... I think me and the Philosopher need to go around the ring
again ... and I call God on /MY/ side for this one!
"Bulldog" Bryan Bachman and Doug Ambercrombie ... I have a lot of
respect for both of you. Yes, I respect Ambercrombie ... because
I respect anybody that even TRIES to back up all of the noise he
talks ... and you KNOW I hate it when somebody talks too much.
Bachman -- all I can say to you is ... I want a rematch. So ...
as soon as you shut up "The Eternal Mouth" Jason Wrath ... have I
mentioned how I hate it when people talk too much?
[Chad]
Quite often, Kerry.
[Kerry]
Yeah ... people should be humble ... like me. Anyway, whenever
you finish up with the Eternal Mouth, I'd like a rematch.
One other person I have to get to besides the AWI's resident
Vertically Challenged wrestler. "War Machine" Greg Gardner ...
{The crowd pops at the mention of the War Machine's name.}
[Kyle]: I knew it! The old Kerry still lives somewhere
inside, and THAT'S what it'd take to get it out. Kerry
HATES Gardner! Here comes the reckoning?
[Kerry]
I noticed you commentating my match with Bachman. I believe, in
response to my ... less than pure ... fighting tactics ...
something along the lines of "The more things change ... the more
things stay the same". Well ... you're right on that one. Before
... I was a self-centered, arrogant, egotistical, though
incredibly talented jerk. But now ... well ... I'm still a touch
arrogant ... just a touch, mind you ... still a touch egotistical
... just a touch mind you ... and I don't know how I did it ...
but now I'm even more talented. But the thing that changed was
the "self-centered". Right now ... beyond just winning ... beyond
personal glory ... I want to give the people out here ... you all
...
{Crowd pops for itself}
[Kyle]: That's it? That's all he's going to say?
[Paul]: Well, actually, I'm betting he's going to say a
lot more, just not on that topic ...
[Kyle]: This tears it! Kerry's gone soft for good!
[Kerry]
The people that paid good money the show you want to see. When I
call myself "The Man The People Paid To See" ... it's more than
just braggadoccia ... it's a FACT. And I /AM/ going to to
entertain YOU PEOPLE as only the Epitome Of What Everyone Wants
to Be can.
And speaking of "entertaining" ... that brings me to the low
point of our entertainment ... and, hell ... he's the low point
of everything ... cause when you're his size, you don't get much
lower ... "Mr. NLS" Maurice Jackson. You see, Jackson ... when it
comes to wrestling ... you are the man. I never disrespected your
ring skill. However ... you have to understand that my job is to
entertain /THESE FANS/ ... and your lack of personality is
laughable. As well as your lack of height. Now ... if you are
THAT insulted about the things I say ... as soon as "my advisors"
look over having a match with you ... we can get it on. I mean
... I've already embarrassed you verbally ... may as well do it
in the ring too.
Whew ... {looks at his watch} darn it ... try as I might ... I
just can't talk as much as Jerry. Well ... I'm young ... I have a
lot of time ahead of me ... and, with work, I MIGHT beome as
long-winded as Mr. Straite. Anything I'm forgetting, Chad?
[Chad]
Ummm ... your match tonight with Jade Tiger, perhaps?
[Kerry]
Oh, that? Do /I/ look worried? Jade Tiger ... if you're lucky,
I'll beat you until you have a heart attack. In your prime ...
you couldn't keep up with the Epitome of What Everyone Wants To
Be ... and I was a little kid watching you on TV when you were in
your prime. So ... hopefully for you, you'll get a heart attack
or something trying to keep up with me, because we all know Steve
the Insane's gonna-- {slows down, as though something just
crossed his mind} ummm... Chad... is Steve in the building?
[Chad]
Steve the Insane is definitely in the house.
{Big pop from the crowd.}
[Kerry]
Ah, nuts ... {grabs the mic, and yells pleadingly into the
camera} STEVE!!! STEVE!!! /PLEASE/, /PLEASE/ wait until after the
match to kill Jade Tiger!!! I've got an easy win here!!! You can
destroy him /AFTER/ the match!!! I'll even kick him while he's
down for you ... JUST DON'T KILL HIM DURING THE MATCH!!!! {turns
to Chad} I've gotta find Steve ... {to camera} Steve ... DON'T
KILL THE TIGER TODAY!!!!
{"Gett Off" keys up, and Masters runs down the ramp, yelling
"Don't Do It STEVE!!!!".}
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
=================================================================
{The camera fades in to a small dressing room where 'Blunt'
Dakota lies sprawled on a hard couch. He has an open manila
folder in his hands with the word 'INTENSITY' scrawled in magic
marker across the front. He's flipping through the contents,
which seem to be bits of paper and photographs. Blunt speaks to
the cameraman without looking up from his reading.}
[Blunt]
You're late.
{The scene shakes as the cameraman gives an apologetic shrug.}
[Blunt]
Don't sweat it. Zap's in the other room hitting the bag, so
I'll keep this short. I've been doing some checking on
Intensity. Impressive stuff. They're new here, but they're not
exactly amateurs. They did some good work in the FWA before
coming to the AWI. Kinda makes me wish I'd done the research
before I signed that contract.
Anyway, Intensity, I like your style. Well, I like Fury's style,
Power's gonna give me a headache with all that screaming. He
reminds me a little to much of a certain drill sergeant I
trained with. That aside, it's gonna be nice to wrestle some
people I can trust after last week. Getting your head stomped
into the concrete floor by some nameless crazy kinda makes you
long for the camaraderie of the ring, know what I'm saying?
{Blunt finishes going through the folder and closes it. He
stares at the cover, lost in thought. After a second, he shakes
himself back to reality.}
Intensity. Good name. Makes you think of strength, focus,
dedication. All of which you've got in spades. But that's not
gonna be enough tonight. I'm not gloating, but you're gonna
need to put some thought into the match. You're gonna have to
show us some tactics, some strategy, if you want the big 'W'.
{Blunt reaches under the couch and pull out his ever present
pack. He roughly shoves the folder into the pack, then slings
the whole affair over his shoulder as he stands.}
Enough speech. I've done my homework, it's your turn Intensity.
Show me what you've learned.
{Blunt breezes past the cameraman and out the door. Fade out.}
=================================================================
{Camera cuts to the ring, where the Chaos Brothers and Intensity
are shaking hands.}
[Heather]: Our first match is just about ready to begin
... it looks like it will be "Zap" London starting in
the ring against Hector "Power" Martinez ...
{Power ties up with Zap, and pulls him into a half-nelson suplex
right off the bat ... }
[Heather]: Whoa--impressive show of force right from
the start by Power!
[Paul]: With a name like Intensity, you were expecting
drop toeholds?
{Zap fights back, however, with a back elbow and a side kick,
before being caught with a fallaway slam. Power slows things down
with a wakigatme. Zap breaks, and Power applies a half nelson; he
lifts Zap to his feet, and moves smoothly into another
half-nelson suplex.}
{Hector hits a press slam, and brings in Fury with the tag.}
[Heather]: And early on, Intensity with the clear-cut
advantage over the Chaos Brothers ... and showing
very good teamwork as well.
[Kyle]: All the teamwork in the world doesn't mean a
thing when you've lost your killer instinct. I don't
care if they call themselves Call Your Next of Kin,
Intensity just doesn't have it -- Power's gone soft.
{Zap manages to keep his head, and stuns Fury with a back elbow
long enough to make the tag to Blunt. Blunt puts Fury in a drop
toehold, then moves to an armbar}
[Kyle]: So much for no drop toeholds.
[Paul]: Technically, Intensity didn't do it.
[Kyle]: It's still their fault, for falling for it.
{Fury breaks, catches Blunt in a side headlock, spins him around,
and throws a Northern Lights Suplex, but gets no count.}
[Heather]: In regards to the "nameless crazy" that
Blunt alluded to ... I'm told that we have an authority
of sorts on our phone line who can shed a little light
on the subject ... Hello, Mr. Carr?
{Dakota puts a half-nelson on the floor.}
[Ed Carr]: {dull-toned, obviously over a phone} Yeah,
you might say I have a few things on my mind. First
off -- I have a message for the Chaos Brothers ...
good luck.
[Heather]: While I'm sure they appreciate the
encouragement, I'd have to say that's a little ...
cryptic ...
{Fury breaks out, and Blunt puts on an armbar.}
[Carr]: It's real easy ... you were talking about that
camera guy who attacked them recently? Well, I'm not
sure how he got a job there, but that was not just any
cameraman. You see, wrestling for some reason attracts
more than its share of lunatics. Heck, the AWI alone
has an unhealthy handful. Better make room for one
more, though, 'cause that was "Deathwish" Charlie
Hazard, a man I used to manage. That's not just a
nickname to Charlie -- that's a way of life. See,
Charlie had a few rough times ... mainly related to his
ex -- my Uncle Stan, I'm sure, can sympathize. So,
Charlie has a bit of a unique perspective on things ...
he's not known as the "One Man Foreign Object" for
nothing. So, Zap, Blunt -- better you than me.
{Fury breaks out, and Blunt locks him in a full nelson.}
[Heather]: Hmmm ... interesting. I'm sure the Chaos
Brothers will be more than wary of this new wildcard.
While you're on the line, I'm sure that you wouldn't
mind giving our viewers your thoughts on another former
protege of yours, whose had MORE than his fair share of
words about YOU: our Television Champion, Robbie
Stevens ...
{Fury escapes; Dakota puts on a wakigatme armbar.}
[Carr]: Robbie, Robbie, Robbie ... I thought I was
obnoxious, but I'm a choirboy next to you. First off
Sparky, I don't need anyone to run their mouth for me
-- as most people well know, I can do plenty of that on
my own. Now, you wanna credit the AWI Launch Pad for
your career -- hey, more power to you. Let them worry
about the downside of your "advertising". As for
running me and Jack down again and again ... well, keep
digging your own grave. Yeah, my arm's still healing
... but it ain't gonna take forever. I just hope you
don't trip yourself up before I get a chance to get
there to gloat about it.
{Fury pushes himself out of the hold; Dakota gets around him and
puts on a standard armbar.}
[Heather]: Amen ... well, thanks for your time, Mr.
Carr ...
[Ed]: No problem, Heather ... you all take care there
... {click}
{Fury frees himself, and puts on a side headlock.}
[Heather]: Jayson finally breaking that series of
weardown locks from Blunt Dakota ... a whip to the
ropes ... Dakota ducks him on the first pass ...
{The two rebound, and meet again, where Fury powerslams Blunt.}
[Paul]: Jayson Michaels with A FURYSLAM!!!
[Kyle]: Save the energy for the finishers ...
[Paul]: Ah, I just wanted to get that out before
Heather called it. It's not every day you name a move,
and I want to make sure this one sticks.
{Fury locks on a full nelson on; Blunt escapes, and Fury grabs
him by his head, dragging him to his feet, then throwing him
back to the mat with a full-nelson suplex. He slaps a half nelson
on; Blunt breaks, and tags off to Zap. Zap gets a forearm off on
Fury and follows it with a back elbow, but his momentum is
stopped by a press slam, which Hector follows with a camel
clutch.}
[Kyle]: Does it seem strange to you that a team called
"Intensity" should spend so much time SITTING ON THEIR
BUTTS? C'mon guys, bounce off some ropes, jump around,
use some hardware, make this worth my TIME ...
{Zap breaks out and nails Fury with another forearm, and a snap
kick, then hits a back brain kick which staggers Fury; he follows
with a legsweep, a stomp, and a side kick combo.}
[Heather]: Zap London seems to have found his pace,
delivering an amazing barrage of martial arts
maneuvers ...
[Paul]: Yeah, like "stomp fu" and "forearmete" ...
[Kyle]: Paul, my friend, if a black belt gets his butt
kicked, he's not going to quibble over details -- he
just admits the better man. Then he finds a doctor.
{He whips Fury into the ropes and staggers him with a savate
kick, then pounds him with a roundhouse combo.}
[Heather]: He's pausing for a moment, steadying Fury
just so -- for the SPINNING WHEEL KICK! There's the
cover -- ONE ... TWO ... and Fury tosses him off! He
lunges for the corner -- and makes the tag!
{Power hops into the ring, scooping up Zap and charging into a
running powerslam.}
[Kyle]: Well, I bet THAT killed his buzz ... you know,
I always admired Power ... and I suppose I can't
blame him for falling in with a bad crowd--
[Heather]: A bad crowd? I would say that Jayson
Michaels has been nothing but GOOD for Hector Martinez,
both his career and his outlook on life!
{Power locks on a boston crab.}
[Kyle]: --a bad crowd like this Fury fellow ... I mean,
after bogging under Rooks for all that time. What he
needs is--
[Paul]: He's at it again, Heather ...
[Heather]: A good manager, yes, Kyle, we know.
{Zap breaks out and gives Power a forearm shot.}
[Heather]: Quick punch from Zap -- and he tags in
Blunt!
[Kyle]: Who immediately charge in and ... drop toeholds
Power. I ... am in hell.
{Power escapes, and locks on a half nelson. He stands up Blunt,
but gets pulled down with a single-leg pickup; Power kicks Dakota
from the floor, and stands up, but Dakota pulls him down with a
drop toehold.}
[Kyle]: You know, I guess this isn't so bad.
{Blunt applies a full nelson on the mat.}
[Kyle]: Why, I can think of at least two things worse
than watching this match.
{Hector escapes, and Blunt switches to an armbar.}
[Heather]: I know I'm going to regret asking this ... I
*always* regret asking ... but -- what would those be?
{Hector breaks the lock, and Blunt puts on a wakigatme armbar.}
[Kyle]: One, watching this match without a time limit,
so I wouldn't have the comfort of knowing I'm only
being tested for ten minutes ... and the other, the
thought of these army brats getting the North American
belts at International Incident, ensuring I'd have to
watch them at least once every month!
{Power finally regains the advantage with a half-nelson, and
lifts Blunt to his feet before snapping into a half-nelson
suplex.}
[Heather]: Quick power maneuver from Hector Martinez
... and he makes the tag to Fury!
{Hector grabs Blunt, throws him in a belly-to-back suplex; Fury
catches Blunt at the height of the arc, and drops him in a German
suplex.}
[Heather]: And a Coast to Coast suplex from Intensity!
What a move! Fury makes the cover -- one ... two ...
but Blunt kicks out! I wouldn't have thought he had
ANY reserves left after that incredible double slam!
[Kyle]: Of course he does, Heather -- unlike the other
three, he hasn't even TRIED to actually DO anything in
this match ...
{Blunt catches Fury in a half-nelson, quickly switching into an
armbar.}
[Heather]: Blunt using that hold to leverage Fury over
to his own corner ... he tags in Zap -- and locks on a
full nelson! Zap's adjusting his aim -- and a spinning
wheel kick! Zap covers as Blunt ducks outside -- one
... two ... THREE!!!
{The two teams regroup in the center and shake hands again as
the ring announcer steps inside.}
[Alan Kinsmen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this bout ... the CHAOS
BROTHERS!!!
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
=================================================================
{Camera cuts to our three announcers in the pressbox, Kyle Esprit
with a particularly gleeful expression on his face.}
[Heather]
Fans, we have to replay you some footage of what just happened
over the commercial break ... this is--
[Kyle]
{laughing} Lightning DOES strike twice!
=================================================================
{The camera cuts to show the Chaos Brothers leaving the arena
after their win over Intensity, taking some time to greet the
fans again; as they reach the curtains for the exit, the man
we now know to be Charlie Hazard appears on the fence above the
exitway, wearing a black t-shirt and ripped jeans. He jumps down
from the fence to land haphazardly (no pun intended) on Blunt
Dakota. Zap moves to help his tag team partner, giving Hazard a
snap kick as he gets up; another man, more muscularly built,
rushes through the curtains and pounds Zap with a double
axehandle. The new man and Charlie double-team Zap for a bit
before Intensity runs back out, pulling them away. Both men
apparently decide a 3-on-1 (soon to be four, as Blunt gets back
to his feet) is not for them, and they retreat back through the
curtains into the locker area.}
=================================================================
{Cut back to the pressbox.}
[Kyle]
Looks like Zap and Blunt are only BEGINNING to know the REAL
meaning of "chaos"!
[Heather]
I wish we still had Ed Carr on the phone ... this situation is
just getting stranger and stranger ... let's go to Chad Duncan
now in the Blast Zone, for some {reads a card in front of her}
solemn thoughts ... from Steve the Insane and friends.
>>BLAST ZONE<<
{"Taps" begins to play over the loudspeakers while Steve the
Insane, Joe Walker, and Jerry Straite make their way down to
the Blast Zone. Straite and Walker are carrying a wreath with
a banner that says "In Memoriaum", while Steve follows, nearly
expressionless (though there is a hint of a smile). All three
are wearing black suits, and Joe and Jerry are wearing
sunglasses (as if it's a funeral). Steve puts on a pair of
reading glasses and takes the microphone, pulling a piece of
paper from his pocket.}
[Steve]
{clearing his throat} This isn't an easy thing for me to do. A
lot of times, people don't take the sport of wrestling too
seriously ... after all, it's not like it's life and death.
Unfortunately, sometimes it is. Tonight ... tonight we're here
to honor one of our own. {Steve unfolds the paper and begins
to read aloud.} How did I kill thee? Let me count the ways ...
I tried to throw you down the stairs, I hit you with a hundred
chairs;
I threw you into the railing of steel, Like a pig I tried to
make you squeal;
With the bat I bashed your head, But still you just would not
play dead;
So then I asked Joe for his Knucks of brass -- again you
wouldn't fall, you pain in --
[Joe]
{cough} You folks fill in the last.
[Steve]
{pausing just a second} I punched and kicked and gouged and
maimed -- I just didn't get it, still you came
I was really confused, till right in front of me -- the obvious
answer, right there on MTV
Nothing else had worked, so I figured it was worth a try - if I
was lucky, this was how you'd die
Broken glass didn't work, and neither did barbed wire, so I took
my cue from Beavis -- "Fire! Fire!"
[Chad]
Um, he's not well is he?
[Joe]
Let's see, Chad ... we'll take one ordinary, average guy, like
-- well, like Steve here ... and you reach into his life, grab
his heart from his chest, and POWERBOMB IT ON THE FLOOR HALF A
DOZEN TIMES ... what do YOU think that would do to a man?
[Chad]
I--
[Joe]
YOU HAVE NO IDEA, THAT'S WHAT! For a time like that, Steve here
is just about picture perfect normal! Don't worry about Steve,
Chad -- worry about Tiger. Worry about what Steve's going to do
with him, and just HOW MUCH this promotion is NEVER going to be
able to show because it's just TOO MUCH for the censors! Or,
worry about what Jade might do to HIMSELF when THIS MAN {slaps
Jerry on the back} plucks the Crow's shiny gold feather from his
waist and leaves Tiger all alone to face the Insanity!
[JS]
See, Chad, this is the situation: the Jade Tiger has hurt my
friends. Ang and Brenda can handle Dream Succubus. Steve's asked
me not to do a number on the Green Kitty-cat. Buuuuuttt ... I can
take the Crystal Crow to school. He had a hand in all this, too.
He didn't make the choice to walk away from it. He's gotta lesson
that has to be learned. And, hey, if a few bones are broken ...
y'know, these things just happen, sometimes.
{Joe and Jerry nod to Steve, and the three make their way down
the steps and back out of the arena.}
>>PRESSBOX<<
[Heather]
Strong words from Steve the Insane and his friends ...
[Kyle]
You mean, his *gang* ... because that's what it is. I'm from LA,
Heather, I know colors when I see it -- Steve's putting together
his own little posse to terrorize the weak and innocent!
[Heather]
I'll admit, all three of those men have a high capacity for
violence, but Jade Tiger and Crystal Crow are DEFINITELY neither
weak nor innocent! In any case ... our cameras visited the
centerpiece of this drama earlier today, Miss Angela Dante ...
=================================================================
{Scene opens in a hospital room. Angela Dante sits up in the bed,
dressed in a hospital gown, with her head bandaged. Brenda Storm
sits on one side of the bed, and Chad Duncan stands on the
other.}
[Chad]
We're here in Angela Dante's hospital room, asking the question
*everyone* wants the answer to; namely, Angela are you all right?
[Angela Dante]
{shifting uncomfortably in the bed} Oh, I've felt better on
occasion ... most of my life, in fact. But I *am* recovering. The
doctors promise me that this isn't a career-ending injury.
[Brenda Storm]
Not that you'd've listened to them if they had.
[Angela]
Well ... no. But then, they've never seen some of the other
injuries I've had. {muttering} Of course, no doctor on this plane
ever has, but still ...
[Chad]
Ummmmm ... well, the second question everyone's asking, Angela,
is will you be ready to wrestle against Dream Succubus at
International Incident?
[Angela]
{snapping back to attention} Do I have much of a choice, Chad? We
don't intend to defend our titles by hiding behind an injury,
especially one inflicted by our opponents. All that this means is
that I have a *much* more personal interest in making sure we win
this match.
[Brenda]
You know Dream Succubus, I would like to think athletes in the
AWI would be above what they did last week, but apparently I am
wrong. Kimura, Maruyama, I know you're afraid you're going to
lose this up coming match. Angela and I have beaten you before
and you know we can do it again.
[Chad]
Nonetheless, you're going into this match with a great big
bull's-eye centered on Angela ...
[Angela]
{smiling} Chad, I *don't* intend to be a stationary target.
[Brenda]
Angela's told me she'll try to give it her all and that's good
enough for me. Dream Succubus, I'm going to give it my all to
make sure you don't win these titles. I'll go as far to say I'd
fight you 2 on 1 if Angela can't make it. You're nothing but a
pair of big, cowardly bullies. Any time you've had to stand face
to face with us, Angela and I proved it. At Union III, I plan on
showing the best way to get rid of a bully is to look them
straight in the eye and give them a fight.
And Sarah Victory, you're sure not out here to win Miss
Popularity, are you? You continue to disgrace not only the sport
of wrestling, but the martial arts as well. As soon as we finish
defending these titles against the Dream Succubus, you sign the
contract and I'll face you in this ring. You don't have to
attack me to get my attention Sarah. I'm not going to back down
from your challenge.
[Chad]
Well, it looks like Firestorm is ready to go like the proverbial
bat out of hell come International Incident.
[Angela]
{amused} Never seen one of those "proverbial" bats, have you,
Chad?
{fade out}
=================================================================
{Camera cuts back to the ring just in time to show Tori Johannsen
climbing in, as Madeline Freechild watches her like a hawk;
Robbie gets a microphone as referee Tom Newman issues the usual
last-second instructions like "Thou shalt not kill".}
[Robbie]
I know you're all expecting me to come out here and put the bad
mouth on Gunther Frauchilde ... but I'm not. Because I won't be
labelled an "alternative lifestyle" basher! Tori, on the other
hand, is just gonna rip your arm off and beat the snot out of
you! She doesn't care if your a man, woman or a ... whatever it
is you are!
[Heather]: I suppose it was too much to ask that he'd
leave that alone with her back. Of all the tasteless,
unwarranted insults ...
[Paul]: Seems pretty obvious she's a woman to me.
After all, how many guys in this business weigh
close to 200 pounds and want to LOSE weight?
[Heather]: Madeline wasting NO time in locking up with
Tori ...
{Madeline opens with a half nelson suplex. She picks up Tori,
who swings her into a spinning wristlock.}
[Kyle]: Now THERE's a great tactician for you ...
either she's dating Power, or she just thinks the best
way to come up with your strategies is to wait until
right before your match and see what worked for other
people that night.
[Paul]: Uh, but Intensity *lost* ...
[Kyle]: Which means she's blind as well as stupid.
Your point being?
{Madeline escapes, and Tori clotheslines her. She picks up
Madeline, and whips her to the ropes, while running to the
opposite side; when they cross, she hits Freechild with a high
face kick.}
[Heather]: Tundra kick from Tori takes Freechild
down ...
{Tori picks up Madeline, who puts Tori in a half nelson; Tori
counters that by biting Madeline.}
[Heather]: Good God -- she's--
[Paul]: I guess that Viking Diet takes a lot out of
you.
[Heather]: This is a disgrace!
[Kyle]: Hey, she's just helping Madeline slim down
some more. Win-win situation.
{Madeline pushes Tori away, and Tori gives her a couple stiff
kicks, then puts on a hammerlock. Madeline escapes, and Tori
scoops her up to drop her in a shoulderbreaker, then reapplies
the hammerlock. Without breaking the hold, she lifts Freechild
up and bodyslams her directly on the arm.}
[Heather]: I'm loathe to even contemplate this, but ...
is it just me, or is Tori actually /working/ a
location?
[Kyle]: It just goes to show you what an underrated
manager Robbie Stevens is. Of course, he'd be much
better off turning the managerial reins over to
somebody else and concentrating on his stellar in-
the-ring career ... but that doesn't mean he's not
one of the better managers this league has.
[Paul]: How hard could it be, though? Just rub some
raw meat on a mannequin arm and play fetch with her
for an hour.
[Heather]: Paul, that's -- {grimace} never mind.
{Madeline pulls Tori to the mat with a single leg takedown, and
applies a wakigatme armbar ...}
[Heather]: It seems turnabout is fair play ...
[Kyle]: Yeah, but what fun is THAT? Better go back to
the biting, girl!
{Tori escapes, and Freechild locks her in a full nelson. Tori
escapes, and bites at Freechild again.}
[Paul]: Oh, great, I think she can hear him ...
[Kyle]: No, that's just the great minds of two grade
A managers thinking alike ...
{Tori puts on a hammerlock. Freechild escapes, and puts Tori in a
half nelson; standing up, she snaps off a half nelson suplex.}
[Kyle]: We're seeing the beginnings of an irritating
fad, I think ...
[Heather]: The half-nelson suplex does seem to be
popular tonight, doesn't it?
[Kyle]: I was talking about Madeline not getting beat
up.
{Tori grabs Freechild on the mat, and puts on an armlock.
Freechild escapes, and Tori snares her in an elevated
hammerlock.}
[Heather]: Oh, NO! Madeline Freechild is now caught in
the Hammerlock of Thor!
[Paul]: That's as in, "Help! My arm is thor!"
{Freechild breaks out, and Tori kicks her twice, then throws her
in the ropes and runs after her, hitting her with the face kick.}
[Paul]: Ouch ... Freechild may not be getting many
dates this week after THAT.
[Kyle]: She can always fall back on her old method --
chasing them down and beating them senseless.
{She picks up Freechild and whips her to the opposite ropes,
catching her on the rebound with a powerslam; Freechild kicks out
before any count can be made.}
[Heather]: And Tori with a BRUTAL powerslam! And a
cover -- pin nazi! Unbelievable resolve on the part of
Freechild!
[Kyle]: Ha! I wish she'd resolve to lose faster -- I'm
going to miss sunset at the cafe.
{Tori puts on a hammerlock, and stands up, lifting Freechild into
an elevated hammerlock.}
[Heather]: And ANOTHER Hammerlock of Thor!
[Kyle]: Just like it's namesake, it keeps coming back
for its user ...
{Freechild escapes, but Tori grabs her by the neck and lifts her
in the air, choking her for a good five seconds, then drops her
back down and reapplies the elevated hammerlock.}
[Heather]: Look at the strain on Madeline's face ...
that arm has taken incredible punishment ... she's
nodding to the referee!
{The referee does his best to get Tori to release the hold, as
Alan Kinsmen enters with a microphone.}
[Alan Kinsmen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, by submission ...
TORI JOOOOOOOOOHANNSEN!!!
[Heather]
Freechild's ring rust starting to show just a tad, though she
gave Tori a VERY tough match.
[Kyle]
{snort} Yeah, it'll take her weeks to get the taste out of her
mouth.
[Heather]
(sigh} We'll be right back with Mississippi Kid versus Maurice
Jackson in just a moment ...
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
=================================================================
{Camera fades into view of the ring, where announcer Alan Kinsmen
is beginning his spiel.}
[Alan Kinsmen]
Ladies and gentlemen, our next bout is set for one fall ... the
first competitor weighs in at two-hundred and forty pounds, from
Jackson, Mississippi ... he is the Master of the Northern Lights
Suplex ... MAURICE ... JACKSON!!!
{"Here I come to save the day ..." rings loud over the PA, the
opening words to the "Mighty Mouse" anthem which accompanies
Maurice's entrance ... he stops at the aisle curtains, looking
upwards with a *very* grim-faced expression, before stalking
his way down to the ring.}
[Alan Kinsmen]
And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at one-hundred and
seventy pounds ... from the city of Columbus, Mississippi ...
he IS the AWI Light Heavyweight champion ... the MISSiSSIPI
KID!!!
{"Mississippi Kid" (what else?) by Lynyrd Skynyrd replaces
Mighty Mouse, and the crowds begin to cheer as the Kid jogs down
to the ring, taking a lap around the ring before hopping up on
a turnbuckle and calling for a mike.}
[Mississippi Kid]
Fans of the AWI, how y'all are?
{An enthusiastic reply indicates that the AWI crowd is doing just
dandy.}
[Kid]
Glad to hear it. {pointing to Maurice Jackson in the ring} And
how are you? Good, good. Look here, Space Cowboy ... um, Maurice
(Kid whistles *wheeee wooooo*) for the life of me I just can't
seem to find a reason to dislike you.
A lot of these fellers in the back don't need a reason to come
lay a whooping on another guy. But you see, I'm not the cleverest
fox in the hen house. I'm not the vindictive sort, my pappy saw
to that. I've got to have a reason.
I mean, you're from Mississippi, I'm from Mississippi. Heck,
we're neighbors. Even though you've got a dang close sounding
Yankee nickname in "Mr. Northern Lights Suplex", that didn't get
my dander up none. Then I reckoned, what if he was a State man?
Why that would be plenty of reason to get in there and knock some
good old Ole Miss learnin' in him.
So Maurice, no hard feelings ... but we've got to tend to some
hometown business.
{He drops the mike, hopping into the ring, and the two men square
off. Jackson opens up with a fake lunge, before catching the Kid
with an armdrag; he then locks an armbar on the Kid. The Kid
nails Maurice with an elbow in the face, then gets to his feet
and slams him down with a neckbreaker.}
[Heather]: And the Mississippi Kid off to a good start,
with a riveting impact maneuver!
[Kyle]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, why don't you just go and
start playing his alma mater fight song while you're
at it -- I believe it was MAURICE JACKSON who scored
first blood in this match, sister.
{The Kid climbs to the second turnbuckle, and jumps off with a
legdrop. The Kid stands up, pulling Maurice with him, and fells
Jackson with an enziguiri kick, before climbing to the top
turnbuckle.}
[Heather]: The Mississippi Kid heading for higher
ground ...
{As Maurice stands, the Kid jumps off with a flying bodypress,
but Jackson kicks out before the referee can make a count.}
[Heather]: SOARING attack by the Kid -- but no count!
{Jackson hits the Kid with a headbutt from the mat, and gets to
his feet, but the Kid sends him back down with a standing
dropkick. Getting up, he drops a fist on Jackson, but Jackson
rolls out of the way.}
[Heather]: Ouch! The Mississippi Kid takes the risk,
and gets a compacted wrist for his trouble ... what's
this?
{The camera cuts to show Kerry Masters walking down the aisle,
carrying a Polaroid camera and a wirebound notebook.}
[Kyle]: Oh, for pity's sake -- what is HE doing here?
[Heather]: Well, from the looks of it, I'd say he's
preparing to scout out this match ... a competitor
of Kerry's level is bound to have a professional
interest in both of these exceptional light heavyweight
talents ...
[Kyle]: Hey, move your level on Kerry a little higher,
sister, you'll short out the microphones. The most
useful thing Kerry can study in this match is how to
be a REAL wrestler, like Maurice Jackson!
{Jackson gets up and kicks the Kid; the Kid returns with a knee
lift as Jackson closes, and swings him into a neckbreaker. The
Kid picks him back up and whips him to the ropes, rebounding
from the opposite side; Jackson catches the Kid with a
clothesline as they meet.}
[Heather]: The Kid picking up the pace -- and Jackson
stops him in his tracks!
{Jostling sounds are heard off-camera, and the camera switches
quickly to "The Awesome One" Kerry Masters sitting at the
announcer's table.}
[Kerry Masters]: And we see yet another incredible display
of his texbook technical skills ... the Greco-Roman
Clothesline!!! I'll have to watch for that after my
advisors decide it's a good time to embarrass the
Eighth Dwarf ...
[Kyle]: Hey! Go buy a ticket, you freeloader!
[Heather]: Hush, Kyle, you're outvoted ...
{The Kid pulls down Jackson with a single-leg takedown from the
mat; he stands up, and falls into a senton, but Jackson rolls out
of the way.}
[Heather]: Quick recovery by the Kid -- and Jackson
just as fast to recover!
{Jackson kicks him in the back, then drags him to his feet, and
throws him hard with a belly-to-belly suplex.}
[Heather]: HIGH impact suplex from Jackson!
[Kyle]: It's only logical: to become the MASTER of the
Northern Lights suplex, Maurice Jackson had to make a
rigorous study of ALL forms of suplexes ... he's
practically a D.S.S. ...
[Heather]: D.S.S.?
[Kyle]: Doctor of Suplex Science ...
[Masters]: Whatever you call it ... you can't take away
from Jackson that he's developed some great wrestling
skills ... of course, if could develop a sense of humor
... maybe develop a personality ... develop about six
inches of height ... maybe-- HELLO!!!!
{More jostling is heard as TAOKM leaves the announcer's desk and
starts heading around the ring.}
[Kyle]: Where the heck is he-- oh, well, at least he's
not HERE ...
{Jackson pulls the Kid up to his feet again, and DDTs him;
following this, Jackson locks on a leg grapevine hold.}
[Heather]: Jackson choosing to slow down the pace of
the match now, wearing on the Kid's leg ...
[Paul]: Well, I see where Kerry took off to ...
{The camera cuts to show Kerry "taking notes" on a voluptuous fan
in the front rows, apparently exchanging an autograph for a phone
number.}
[Paul]: I guess he IS scouting -- girl scouting ...
{The Kid breaks out of the hold; Maurice headbutts him, and pulls
him to his feet. The Kid fells Maurice with an enzuguiri, then
picks him up and whips him to the ropes. Rushing to the opposite
ropes, the Kid rebounds only to be caught with another
clothesline from Maurice.}
[Kyle]: You know, people, it's this kind of inbred
learning curve that keeps Mississippi from putting
anything on the map.
[Heather]: I think we can keep that kind of comment of
this show--
[Kyle]: I hear someone asked the Kid what his favorite
flavor was, and he said "Mississippi Mud" -- only he
wasn't thinking of ice cream.
[Heather]: KYYYLE!!!
{Maurice picks up the Kid, who jumps up and takes him down with
a flying mare; pulling Jackson up to his feet, the Kid rolls him
in a small package pin, but Jackson kicks out before the count.
The Kid gets to his feet, and sentons Jackson.}
[Kyle]: Mississippi wrestling has a long and deep
heritage in the techniques of falling backwards on an
opponent ... why, the Kid's own father taught him that
move while stumbling in the homestead late at night
after too much hooch and moonshine--
[Heather]: KYLE!
{The Kid drops a fist, but Jackson rolls out of the way.}
[Kyle]: I'm just doing my job here, Heather -- believe
you me, nobody in this box knows Mississippi wrestling
like I do.
[Paul]: Yeah, you were at the business end of so much of
it during your FWA days ...
[Kyle]: (*cough*) Well, I wouldn't say tha--
[Paul]: Didn't the Mississippi Queen once--
[Kyle]: Just LOOK at that powerful cranium breaker from
Maurice Jackson!
[Heather]: It's a headbutt, Kyle.
{Maurice grabs the Kid and belly-to-belly suplexes him. As both
men get up, Jackson kicks him; the Kid answers with a drop kick.
The Kid climbs the second turnbuckle, and jumps off with a leg
drop.}
[Heather]: The Mississippi Kid flying off with a high
aerial maneuver -- NO! Jackson out of the way again!
[Kyle]: That's what you get for trying to make a
Mississippi move out of an Alabama trademark, kid!
{Jackson locks an armbar on the Kid before he can rise.}
[Paul]: What do YOU know about Alabama?
[Kyle]: Same that I know about Mississippi -- they're
both poorer than California. There's so much poverty
in Mississippi, you can't even call 'em "dirt poor",
because they made dirt the monetary standard.
{The Kid escapes the hold, and both men get to their feet;
Jackson gets behind the Kid and snaps him in a belly-to-back
suplex.}
[Paul]: You know, Kyle, I just thought about something.
MAURICE is from Mississippi, too? Is he going to like
all this stuff you're saying about his state?
[Kyle]: Paul, my man, Maurice Jackson may have had the
unfortunate fate of being *born* in the Mud State. But
he's obviously raised himself ABOVE his roots, made
himself MORE than a Mississippian -- which is to say,
he knows how to read without moving his lips, and count
without using his fingers. He's a man of no one state,
but an AMERICAN, you can tell.
{Kneeling beside the Kid as he stands, Jackson lifts him
on his shoulders fireman's style, then slides him down to bounce
off a knee.}
[Paul]: How can you tell?
[Kyle]: Easy -- HE'S WINNING!
{Maurice picks up the Kid and irish whips him into a corner, then
charges into the corner after him; however, the Kid rolls out of
the way, and Maurice hits the turnbuckle.}
[Kyle]: Ow, be careful, Jackson -- that drunken mudhen
style is tricky!
[Heather]: {SIGH} Maurice stunned from that near miss,
as the Kid climbs to the top ... for THE OLE MISS KISS!
{The Kid jumps off with a flying dropkick that hits Jackson
square, then falls on top for the cover.}
[Heather]: One ... two ... and Jackson kicks out! The
Kid looks a little frustrated at that, but he's quick
to recover -- with a small package rollup-- pin nazi!
No count for him ...
{Jackson breaks the rollup, and the Kid punches him, then climbs
up the turnbuckles.}
[Heather]: The Mississippi Kid taking to the air ...
and there's the Ole Miss Ki--
[Paul]: Ighh -- no, Heather, I think that's just an old
miss.
[Heather]: Indeed, and Maurice is not going to allow
him the time to recover ... Maurice has him in the
corner now, and sits him on top -- he's looking to
finish this match ... Jackson spots Masters!!! He's
giving him an earful ...
{Kerry Masters wanders over to the corner and steps on the
ringside stairs, putting his Polaroid in the air and blinding
Maurice with the flash as he takes a picture.}
[Paul]: Say cheese!
[Kyle]: What *I* want to say, they'll throw me off the
show for!
[Paul]: Oh, come on -- if they were gonna throw you off
this show for saying the wrong thing, you'd have
already gotten the boot.
[Heather]: Maurice momentarily dazzled by the flashbulb
from Kerry's camera -- and this time the Kid is not
slow to act!
{The Kid takes Maurice off the top with a bulldog lariat. He
climbs up the turnbuckle again.}
[Heather]: Maurice back on his feet -- FOR THE OLE MISS
KISS!!! Third time may prove the charm for the
Mississippi Kid ... one ... two ... THREE! No, wait,
the referee is signalling -- that was just two ...
[Paul]: Of course -- the second one missed, so this
wasn't REALLY the third time, Heather.
{Maurice headbutts the Kid from the mat, then picks him up
while standing; he then delivers a fishermanbuster suplex.}
[Heather]: CRASHING power maneuver from Maurice
Jackson!
[Paul]: I don't know if that was a Northern Lights
Suplex, but I'm guessing the Kid is seeing SOME kind of
lights now ... I just hope not the ones that are
accompanied by dead relatives beckoning ...
{Maurice stands the Kid back up, only to get felled by a
dropkick.}
[Heather]: Look at that spirit! The Kid just keeps
fighting!
[Kyle]: Come on, Heather, you can cut off a
watersnake's head and it keeps moving for a while, too
... not that I'd draw ANY comparison between the Kid's
family and the lesser vermin of their homeland river --
for one, snakes are smarter, and for another, /some/
snakes are actually *dangerous*, which has never been
the case for a Mississippi-trained wrestler.
{The Kid attempts a leg drop, but Maurice ducks aside. Jackson
punches the Kid, and lifts him to his feet.}
[Heather]: Jackson drawing his thumb across his throat
-- AND THERE'S THE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!!
[Kyle]: {mock tearful} It's ... it's beautiful ...
[Heather]: Maurice bridges for the pin: 1 ... 2 ...
THREE! MAURICE JACKSON HAS JUST BEATEN THE LIGHT
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!
[Kyle]: Shame this wasn't a title match -- that belt
would actually FIT a man like Maurice, instead of the
Kid's scrawny waist ...
=================================================================
COMMERCIALS
=================================================================
{The camera opens to show Riverboat already in the ring, as the
sounds of "Peace Sells" by Megadeth fill the arena.}
[Heather]: We're ready for our next match, featuring the
other half of the former Mississippi Mob, Riverboat!
[Kyle]: No, you mean "also showing" Riverboat -- the
FEATURE of this match is right there: Scott "Tank"
Bradley, the man who took down Greg Gardner, the man
who put Mike Piersall out of wrestling--
[Paul]: The man who went nighty-night in the ring with
Jerry Straite.
[Kyle]: The man who went night-- noooo, that never
happened. It was a trick of photography.
{As they reach ringside, Robbie grabs a microphone, and points
to Riverboat in the ring, while Tank climbs inside.}
[Robbie]
Hey, Tank, check it out! ELVIS! Hey, got one question E ... How
do you like your daughter marrying Michael Jackson?
{Tank grabs Riverboat before he can respond to Robbie, and the
two lock up in a collar-elbow tieup.}
[Heather]: {sigh} Sometimes I think he's only in this
sport because there's always a microphone in reach.
{Riverboat gets the advantage, and whips Tank to the corner; he
charges in after, but Tank moves aside and Riverboat hits the
turnbuckle.}
[Paul]: Yowch! I guess you'd say Riverboat just ran
aground ...
{Tank bounces off the ropes and hits Riverboat with a
clothesline, but Riverboat keeps his feet.}
[Heather]: Tank Bradley quick to capitalize with a
heavy momentum maneuver -- but Riverboat stays even
keel!
{Riverboat bounces off the perpendicular ropes, and clotheslines
Bradley, who also stays on his feet.}
[Heather]: Riverboat giving as good as he gets -- and
BRADLEY won't go down!
[Paul]: Man, we get the War Machine in here, and they
can just keep bouncing off each other all day ...
{Riverboat then grabs Tank in a bearhug. Tank breaks the hug and
headbutts Riverboat; Riverboat responds with a knee lift, then
darts to the ropes, rebounding with a vertical bodypress that
fails to down Bradley.}
[Heather]: RIVERBOAT with a surprising agility maneuver
-- but he fails to take down the big man!
[Paul]: Heather, I hate to break this to you, but "the
big man" won't cut it as a reference in this match ...
[Heather]: Too true, Paul ...
{Tank scoops up Riverboat before he can steady himself and
bodyslams him.}
[Heather]: And THAT took him down! POWERING pick-up
slam from the man called Tank!
{Tank drops to one knee to apply a half-nelson lock. Riverboat gets
back on his feet, and hip tosses Bradley to the mat to escape
the hold. He runs to the ropes, and attempts a vertical splash,
but Tank rolls.}
[Kyle]: {Elvis voice} Whoa! I done hurt mah swiveller!
[Heather]: Don't even start.
{Tank reapplies the half nelson; he lifts Riverboat to a kneeling
position, completing a full nelson. He uses the hold to pick
Riverboat up fully to his feet, then flexes it into a full nelson
suplex, which he bridges for no count.}
[Heather]: ANOTHER impressive power move from Tank
Bradley ...
[Kyle]: Heather, all of Tank's power moves are
impressive. He's just an impressive guy! I'd go so far
as to say that just his choice of wrestling boots is
more impressive than Riverboat's whole career -- of
course, that's not much of a compliment, but ...
{Tank smacks Riverboat with a forearm, and pulls him to his feet;
Riverboat picks him up and drops him on his knee, pressing with
both arms to bend his back.}
[Heather]: And now Riverboat has Tank locked in a
painful backbreaker variation ...
[Kyle]: You know, Riverboat learned this maneuver
working as a loan collector for the Mississippi Mob.
[Heather]: Kyle, I don't think that--
[Kyle]: He'd have been a legbreaker, only sometimes
legs have dirt still stuck to them, so they'd be too
valuable to damage.
{Tank breaks out of the hold; Riverboat jumps into a vertical
splash. He stands up Tank, who cuts him with a forearm shot, then
scoops him up and dumps him over the top rope.}
[Heather]: Oh, NO! Tank Bradley sends Riverboat
crashing to the outside, and Robbie's right there
closing in for the kill!
[Paul]: Yeah, and this way Tank doesn't have to worry
about getting hit HIMSELF with the Wicked Awesome Kick.
{Robbie drags up Riverboat and waves his arms in a "kung-fu"
fashion, but Riverboat shakes off his daze, picks Robbie up, and
press slams him.}
[Heather]: YES! Robbie gets in no kicks tonight!
Riverboat showing him the value of keeping his hands --
and feet -- to himself!
{He reenters the ring, and locks up with Tank in another
collar-elbow tieup. Getting the advantage, he lifts Bradley into
a backbreaker rack.}
[Kyle]: "Give up the mud, punk, or I'll be back
Friday!"
{Bradley escapes, and Riverboat climbs the second turnbuckle
while Tank stands up; he jumps off to catch Bradley with a
bodypress, but Tank doesn't fall.}
[Heather]: WHOA! Another aerial attack from Riverboat
-- and AGAIN Tank won't go down!
[Kyle]: Earth to Boat, Earth to Boat: Boats Don't Fly!
{Tank headbutts Riverboat, and scoops him up into a Canadian
backbreaker.}
[Heather]: Tank working Riverboat's back now ...
[Kyle]: That's the trouble with being in the Mob --
there's always payback!
{He grinds the hold three or four times, then throws Riverboat
to the mat in a powerbomb and makes a cover: 1 ... 2 ...
Riverboat manages to get a shoulder up. Tank forearms him,
then drags him to the corner; he points to the top rope, and
makes a breaking motion with his hands.}
[Heather]: Uh-oh -- Tank's signalling for an end to
this match ...
{Tank sits Riverboat on the top rope, then stands on the second
rope and scoops up Riverboat, then jumps off for a super
tombstone piledriver.}
[Heather]: AND THERE'S THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN!!!
[Kyle]: {exaggerated pirate voice} Arrr, mateys, he be
boatin' in Davy Jones's locker now ...
[Heather]: Tank makes the cover ... ONE ... TWO ...
THREE!!!
[Alan Kinsmen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match ... SCOTT ...
"TANK" ... BRAAAAAADLEY!!!
=================================================================
COMMERCIAL
=================================================================
{The camera cuts to show Jade Tiger performing some odd pre-match
ritual in the dressing room ... what exactly he's doing, no one
can figure out, but it seems to entail candles, splashing water
out of a ceramic bowl, and long brushstrokes of characters on a
sheet of rice paper mounted on the wall. After several audible
breaths, Jade Tiger screams at the top of his lungs and turns to
the camera, beads of sweat running down his bald head in salty
rivulets of toil.}
[Jade Tiger]
Ker-ry {said in a sing-song tone} Masters ... I once had great
hope in you. I once believed you had transcended your soft
upbringing, but alas the corruption was too great. Ker-ry, the
how you say? Awesome One?! HA! There are those that proclaim
themselves great and those that earn the accolades through
rigorous devotion at the Celestial Temple. Not surprising that
you took the lazy American way.
Boresome One, you are a very unlucky man. You see, I am a man of
peace. I do not advocate violence {a mocking sneer creeps across
his hardened face}, but the people have seen the great injustices
done to me, and I have no choice but to retaliate. Ker-ry, Steve
the Insane has done you a great disservice -- he has awakened the
sleeping Tiger. No more will I be a victim of the barbaric
Western ideal that chooses to mistreat its wizened population.
When the gong sounds, the echo of ferocity follows.
=================================================================
>>RING<<
{Masters opens with a dropkick, followed by a leg lariat as Jade
Tiger stands; he attempts a somersault legdrop, but Tiger rolls.}
[Kyle]: Kerry Masters has no idea of the can of worms
he's opened right here ... you know what an incredible
talent Robbie Stevens, a 102nd degree black belt in
kung fu, karate, and ninjitsu is
{Kerry recovers with a shot to Jade's eyes, and locks him in an
armbar, lifting him to his feet; Jade kicks his way out of the
hold.}
[Kyle]: ... well, Jade Tiger here is the master of his
temple, an originator of the martial arts, above all
belts and ranks!
[Paul]: And how much is he paying you to say that?
{Crystal Crow makes his way down to the ring, carrying a familiar
looking briefcase.}
[Heather]: I was wondering where he was ... the Crystal
Crow arriving to back up his master, and bringing with
him the physical reminder of the $25,000 price Jade
Tiger has placed on Steve the Insane's head ...
{Jade Tiger delivers a karate chop, but Kerry puts him back in
the armbar, then single-arm DDTs him.}
[Paul]: ... and now Kerry places a load of mat on
Tiger's head!
[Heather]: Actually, Paul, I think he's wrenching the
arm and shoulder with that maneuver more than the head
... but it's a great technical weapon no matter how you
slice it ...
{Kerry climbs to the top turnbuckle, waits for Jade to stand,
and leaps off with a dropkick, but Jade ducks out of the way.}
[Kyle]: Brilliant use of the Emerald Fire Dance
technique ...
[Paul]: You spent last night watching Samurai Theater,
didn't you?
[Heather]: Oh, my GOD -- quick, can we get a camera at
the entrance?!
>>AISLE<<
{Steve the Insane is carrying a gasoline can -- currently still
capped -- and a thick stick with a rag wrapped around one end,
already lit like a torch.}
[Kyle]: {gasping} I ... I thought he was /joking/ ...
[Heather]: Steve the Insane is coming down the aisle,
with the silent determination of--
[Kyle]: OF A FLIPPING MADMAN! HE'S GONNA SET THE
BUILDING ON--MMMMMPH!
[Paul]: Shhh! You can be *arrested* for saying that
word in a crowd!
>>RING<<
{Jade Tiger picks up Kerry and gouges his eyes with both hands,
but Kerry swipes his hands away and rakes /his/ eyes, then DDTs
him.}
[Paul]: Okay, NOW he's smacking the head!
{He jumps into a somersault legdrop while Tiger is down.}
[Heather]: I think ... I think that's Joe Walker
running out now, looking like he's trying to intercept
Steve ...
[Kyle]: Just tell me he's not carrying the kindling ...
{Jade Tiger kicks Kerry away from him, begins to stand, but sees
Steve the Torchwaving and ducks out of the ring on the opposite
side.}
[Heather]: Jade Tiger spots Steve -- and he wants NONE
of that! Curtis Keyes apparently unsure of exactly how
to interpret this situation -- while technically Jade
Tiger should be taking a count, he has EVERY reason to
want to stay as far from Steve as possible!
[Kyle]: The heck with Tiger! *I* want to get away from
Steve! Where are the fire exits in this box?
[Heather]: Jade Tiger and Steve faking back and forth
around the ring ...
[Paul]: Just like a squirrel hiding around a tree ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Joe manages to catch up with Steve; grabbing his wrist, he
starts to talk, though they're not close enough to a camera to
hear.}
[Heather]: Joe Walker apparently trying to reason with
Steve right now, as the Tiger risks reentering the
ring ...
>>RING<<
{Jade Tiger manages to cut off Kerry with a karate chop before he
can attack. He rakes the eyes again, but Kerry counters with a
kick to the shins, and a DDT.}
[Paul]: Those shots to the eyes just seem to make Kerry
MAD ...
[Kyle]: Maybe it's because he's afraid he won't be able
to see a mirror clearly after the match ...
[Heather]: Oh, no -- the plot thickens ...
>>AISLE<<
{The camera cuts to show Doug Abercrombie making his way down to
the ring; he starts mouthing off at Steve and Joe, who have
worked their way to the intersection of the ringside and aisle.}
[Heather]: "Mr. Excitement" himself has decided to get
involved now -- oh, lord, I think he's making comments
about Angela! And Steve does NOT look pleased! He's --
LOOK OUT!!!
{Weasle hops over the railing from within the crowds and smashes
Steve in the back of the head with a baseball bat while he's
distracted by Doug.}
[Heather]: I should have known! Where Doug Abercrombie
goes, Weasle is never far behind -- and Steve takes a
hard shot from Louie, knocking him to the floor!
[Kyle]: What are YOU complaining about? Weasle's a
hero! He just saved the lives of everyone here!
Especially me!
>>RING<<
{Kerry does a somersault legdrop, then climbs the top
turnbuckle, allowing Jade to stand; he leaps off with a flying
thrust kick.}
[Heather]: Kerry again going for the high risk
maneuvers -- and it's the AWESOME AERIAL ATTACK! He
makes the cover ... 1 ... 2 ... thr-- Jade Tiger
manages to throw him off, just barely!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Camera cuts back outside, to show Doug smashing Steve in the
head with a "borrowed" chair from the crowd, while Joe picks up
the gasoline can Steve dropped and hits Weasle with it.}
[Heather]: And we've got a four-man streetfight outside
the ring now!
{Doug turns around to swing the chair at Joe, but he knocks it
aside with the gascan, and puts a roundhouse kick in Doug's gut.}
>>RING<<
{Kerry applies an armbar, and lifts Jade to his feet, then
single-arm DDTs him. Kerry picks the Tiger back up and throws
him to the ropes; as Jade rebounds, Kerry snares him in a
hurricarana, kneeling on top for a pin, but the Tiger kicks out
before the referee can make a count.}
[Heather]: Kerry with a HARD hurricarana!
[Kyle]: Hurri-hell! That was a Tiger's Pounce! He's
trying to win by OFFENDING the Jade Tiger into having
a heart attack! DISQUALIFY KERRY!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Joe Walker picks up Weasle.}
[Heather]: Joe Walker with a hard sternum punch on
Weasle -- he grabs Doug, and delivers more of the same!
Both men are down, and Joe and Steve -- where's Steve?
[Kyle]: He must have ran off when he realized his lady
love only has eyes for Abercrombie ...
[Paul]: Uh, no -- I think I see him back at ringside
... and he's got his toys back!
>>RING<<
{Jade Tiger pokes Kerry in the eyes, gets to his feet, and
toe kicks him in the crotch.}
[Kyle]: Walking the Generations step ...
{Jade then delivers a quick pair of karate kicks to the ribs.}
[Kyle]: ... which flows naturally into Tiger Swims the
River!
[Paul]: Are you calling a match, or reading fortune
cookies?
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Steve's trying to hit the ring, but Crystal Crow intercepts
him, smacking him with the briefcase.}
[Paul]: Interesting tactic -- he uses the money to
try and earn the money ...
[Heather]: That hit AWFULLY hard for any kind of money,
unless it's filled with gold bullion!
[Kyle]: Sure -- haven't you heard of hard currency?
>>RING<<
{Kerry responds to the martial arts barrage with a savate kick
of his own.}
[Paul]: Uh ... that's ... Chopstick Crossing the
Celestial Throne!
[Kyle]: No, that's a lame thrust kick.
{He picks up Jade Tiger and whips him to the ropes, lifting him
into a stungun on the ropes when he returns.}
[Heather]: Kerry picks up Tiger, and just CHOPS his
neck on the ropes! And the Jade Tiger looks nearly out
of it!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Crow attempts to hit the floored Steve with the case again, but
Steve catches the case and quickly pushes it up into Crow's face,
knocking him down.}
>>RING<<
{Inside, Kerry makes a cover: 1 ... the Tiger gets a hold of the
ropes, and the referee calls for a break. Kerry locks Tiger into a
spinning toehold from the mat, then twists it into a standing
figure 4.}
[Heather]: Masters shifting gears, attempting a
submission leglock ...
[Kyle]: Oh, no ... that's it, I'm getting out of here
{sounds of jostling}
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Steve takes a moment to relight the rag with a Bic in his jeans
pocket. A number of AWI stadium attendants can be seen filtering
into the area.}
[Heather]: Security is finally making their way to
ringside to deal with Steve, though that may prove
easier said than done ... Jade Tiger's got the ropes,
and Kerry's going to have to break the hold ...
[Kyle]: {more jostling} Well, as long as SOMEONE's
dealing with that nutcase, I can stick around ... is
there an extinguisher in this booth?
>>RING<<
{Kerry climbs the turnbuckle as Jade Tiger gets to his feet.}
[Heather]: Kerry apparently set on making the ropes
work FOR him this time instead of for Tiger ...
{Kerry jumps off to catch Tiger in a flying sunset flip.}
[Heather]: -- AND THERE'S THE AWESOME ENDING!!!
[Kyle]: I can think of exactly TWO things wrong with
that name, baby ...
[Heather]: One ... Two ... Three-- NO! Jade Tiger kicks
his way out at just the last second!
[Kyle]: One, it never ends ANYTHING -- and two, that
means it just isn't that awesome, is it? Now, a
TIGER'S POUNCE -- and I mean a REAL one, not the
pansy version Kerry tried to Elizabeth his opponent
just now -- that's REALLY awesome!
{Kerry recovers quickly from the kickout, and grabs Tiger's legs,
spinning into a scorpion deathlock.}
[Heather]: Kerry Masters into a tight submission lock ...
and he's got Jade Tiger solid and center in the ring
this time! There's no one to help him, and nothing to
save himself with! THERE IT IS -- JADE TIGER SUBMITS!!!
[Kyle]: This isn't a *real* submission, Heather -- he's
just asking for political asylum! How can he be
expected to fight with a dozen maniacs on the outside
of the ring?
[Heather]: A DOZEN? Kyle, Steve the Insane is a man of
impressive talent, but he's still just one man--
[Kyle]: Not him -- the /attendants/ -- those guys are
MONSTERS ... just try bringing in outside food or beverages
into this arena ...
=================================================================
COMMERCIALS
=================================================================
{Danny Boy McGill sits in his locker room in a folding chair.
He wears jeans and a leather jacket and a AWI Danny Boy McGill
t-shirt. He looks into the camera.}
[DBM]
This t-shirt says a lot. {He pulls another one out of his bag and
holds it up for the camera and reads it} "Danny Boy McGill, The
Next Generation is here." Granted, I'm only 19 years old, but I'm
a former World Champion. Yet I still get treated as the kid on
tour with the AWI. Well this "kid" has taken quite a few of the
legends of this sport to school. Remember Showtime? I beat him so
he's not even IN the AWI anymore. Yet I'm still "The Next
Generation". Maybe that explains why I'm not taken seriously when
I say I deserve a shot at getting the title back.
"Oh, you're just a kid Danny." That's what they tell me, "You've
got plenty of years to get the title back." It doesn't matter how
many years I have in front of me, it's what I deserve now. I
wasn't just handed the spot as the number two ranked wrestler in
this league, I had to fight for it. And people still won't
respect me.
I'll tell you what, I'm almost 20 now, and I'll promise you, I'm
gonna get that shot at the World Title, and it will be back
around my waist. I'll fight my way back to the shot, and Smith,
it starts with you tonight! The AWI is back, and so is Danny Boy
McGill, the future, IS NOW!!
{Fade out as McGill tosses the shirt at the camera.}
=================================================================
[Kyle]
{forced whiny voice} I'm almost 20 now! That means that I'm
almost sorta kinda close to being a real man, in a way! {normal
voice} Can you believe that snot? Here's a clue for you, Danny
BOY -- you want people to stop taking you like a kid, stop
begging for handouts like one! He practically gets handed the
belt gift-wrapped for a birthday present thanks to demonstrably
biased officiating, and he thinks he's ready to hang with
"legends" ... and he's apparently ready to consider Rictor
Showtime, who while MONDO cool was frankly just a rookie, for
one of those "legends", which gives you a hint as to where
Danny Boy stands in the greater scheme of things.
[Paul]
I'd say he stands somewhere between Lord Thomas Imperious and
John Robertson, in our title lineages.
[Kyle]
Hey, Paul, do you know what they call those worms that infest
livers?
[Paul]
A fluke?
[Kyle]
NOW you can be a sports analyst!
[Heather]
{sigh} Let's go to the ring ...
=================================================================
[Alan Kinsmen]
Ladies and gentlemen, our MAIN EVENT for tonight is set for one
fall, with a time limit of ten minutes ... the first competitor
weighs in at two hundred and thirty-four pounds, and hails from
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ... he is currently one half of the
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS ... accompanied to ringside by his
partner, "Stretcher" Mike Kirwan, this is ... "Asylum" ... John
... Smith!
{The crowd boos intensely (fittingly) as Intensive Care makes
their way to ringside, accompanied by the sounds of emergency
sirens and flashing hazard lights.}
[Alan Kinsmen]
His opponent for tonight ... weighing in at two-hundred and
thirty-five pounds ... from the city of Dublin, Ireland ...
DAAANNNYYY BOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY MCGILL!!!
{The energetic sounds of Chumbawumba's "Tubthumper" cues up on
the PA, and the crowd politely and delicately goes completely
hog-wild. Danny Boy trots down to the ring with a confident
expression, waving and slapping hands with the fans.}
[Kinsmen]
Your referee for this match is Curtis Keyes.
{The two men cinch together in a collar-elbow tieup. McGill gets
the advantage, and puts Asylum on the mat with a single-leg
takedown, holding the leg to apply a spinning toehold.}
[Kyle]: Oooo, good tactic, trying for the submission --
NOT! Don't you read the papers, Danny? THIS MAN LIKES
PAIN! YOU'RE MAKING HIM HAPPY!!!
{Asylum kicks McGill to break the hold, then rolls to his feet
and punches Danny; Danny hits the mat, using a drop toehold on
Smith.}
[Paul]: That's good then ... Asylum's happy because he's
in pain, and Danny Boy's happy because Asylum can't
thump him when he's facedown on the mat ...
{Smith breaks that hold, and Danny puts him in another spinning
toehold.}
[Heather]: Danny Boy fighting a good solid pace, working
that leg to weaken it for the McGill leglock ...
{Asylum breaks the hold, and Danny puts on a half nelson; after
a few seconds, he completes a full nelson. Asylum breaks out, and
punches Danny. He stands up, pulling Danny with him, then takes
him to the mat with a hurricarana.}
[Kyle]: Leg's still working fine from where *I* sit,
Danny Boy!
{Danny brings John to the mat as well with a drop toehold. Asylum
escapes, and punches Danny; standing up, he pulls Danny to his
feet, and whips him into the ropes. Smith then bounces off the
opposite side to rebound with a leg lariat. He climbs to
the top turnbuckle, and jumps off with a flying fist drop.}
[Heather]: Asylum taking to the air again -- and landing
hard on Danny's midsection with that cast-like
orthopedic glove ... I can't believe they let this
man WRESTLE with it! It's like a pair of brass
knuckles!
[Kyle]: You want in on a little secret, Heather?
[Heather]: Uh-oh ...
{Asylum picks up Danny Boy and backs him in the corner; Danny
pulls him down with a single-leg takedown, and Asylum responds
by kicking him in the face.}
[Kyle]: I have my sources ... and word has it, everyone
may fear that glove ... but it's really just PADDING.
All those years of mutilation, abuse, breaking the
bones and rehealing only to break them again, have
turned Asylum's fist into a hardened club of fused
bone and toughened scar tissue ... they don't LET
him wear it, they MAKE him wear it -- so he doesn't
put people out for good!
{Asylum drags Danny back up, and throws him through the ropes.}
[Heather]: Oh NO! Danny Boy takes a roll on the mats
outside, as Asylum is climbing the top ...
surprisingly, Mike Kirwan not harassing Danny Boy
while he's still stunned ...
[Kyle]: It's called "landing clearance", Heather ...
[Heather]: OH, JESU-- Asylum takes off from the top, and
connects with a DRIVING hurricarana! I -- I think
Danny Boy is bleeding!
[Paul]: Ugh -- this is starting to become a habit of
his ...
[Kyle]: Yeah, John's going to have to change his name
from "Asylum" to "Bloodmobile" -- bank of champions!
[Heather]: PLEASE, Kyle ...
{Asylum rolls Danny back into the ring, and climbs back onto
the top turnbuckle.}
[Heather]: John's not finished with Danny Boy yet -- the
spinning fist drop!!! He hooks a leg ... one ... two
... THREE!!!
[Alan Kinsman]
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match ... "ASYLUM"
Jooooooooohn Smiiiiiiiiith!!!
[Heather]: And Intensive Care's more intensive half walks
out with a win, but that's hardly the fans' biggest
concern right now ... the medical personnel are in
the ring with Danny Boy now--he VERY well may have
a concussion!
[Kyle]: So, this puts Danny Boy's magic number at ...
um ... one more than it was before he opened his big
Irish mouth?
=================================================================
PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATIONS PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:
* Rice-a-roni ... the San Francisco treat
* AWI Explosion '98: Coming soon to N64 and Sony Playstation
* Always the real thing, Always Coca-Cola
=================================================================
[Heather]
That's all the time we have for tonight ... I'd like to remind
our viewers to be there this Sunday for International Incident:
Contest of Champions -- if you're not already getting it, call
your local cable operator and tell them you want the AWI on Pay
Per View! For Paul Stone, Kyle Esprit, and Allied Wrestling
International, this is Heather Rasputin saying "Good night!"
=================================================================
Copyright (c) 1998 Allied Sports Entertainment
Written by Bryant Berggren, in cooperation with Bryce Berggren
and the handlers of Allied Wrestling International. (
geocities.com/area51/rampart/2060) (
geocities.com/area51/rampart) (
geocities.com/area51)