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"YOU'RE WATCHING ... CBS ... WELCOME HOME."
=================================================================
{Scene: the parking lot, as the wrestlers are arriving. Mike
Kirwan (dressed in jeans, a dress shirt, and a suit jacket) and
John Smith (wearing a dress shirt and jacket, but with shorts)
make their way toward the arena.}
[Mike "Stretcher" Kirwan]
I tried appealing to the pride of the AWI tag teams, but
apparently that didn't work. That figures--if the teams around
here had any pride, they'd stop wrestling and save themselves
from further embarrassment. Tell me, what exactly do I have to
do to get some decent competition? Do I have to beg? Offer
money? Physically harass the other teams into signing to face
us?
[John "Asylum" Smith]
Hey, maybe we should offer them some autographed pictures and
trading cards ... though I kinda like the harassment idea.
[Kirwan]
{ignoring his partner as usual} Chaos Brothers, you seem to be
the "critics' choice" around here. Everywhere I turn, there's
talk of you two being the team to beat here in the AWI. I hope
it's true, Chaos Brothers, because then maybe--just maybe--I'll
break a sweat. Don't disappoint me.
[Smith]
Hey, maybe we can harass Firestorm into signing a match ... you
know, title vs title ...
=================================================================
{The view fades into a CGI image of a gun barrel interior (a la
Bond movies), the POV rapidly backing out along it's length to
bring the gun itself into view. As Golden Earring's "Twilight
Zone" cues up. The gun turns to the left in profile.}
[Music]
It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone)
I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm
Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances
{The chamber of the animated revolver opens, as a sequence of
video images of wrestling action move up the right side of the
screen, encased in a "film loop". Every other image is "sucked"
into one of the revolver chambers as it passes the center.}
Yeah, there's a storm on the loose/Sun reigns on my head
Wrapped up inside themselves/Circuits are dead
Cannot decode/My whole life spins into a frenzy
Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone
This is a madhouse/Feels like being home
My feet they can't move/Under moon and star
Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far
{The chamber of the gun closes and spins, as the gun rotates
around the long way to eventually face the viewer.}
You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone ...
You will come to know
... when the bullet hits the bone ...
{A loud drumbeat corresponds with the firing of the gun; as the
bullet rapidly "strikes" the screen, it causes a bright flash
and the logo:
=================================================================
_ __________=___ A W I ___=__________ _
\\@([____]_____() | | |\ | [~ ()_____[____])@//
_/\|-[____] |_ | | \| [_ [____]-|/\_
/ /(( ) OF ( ))/ \
/____|'----' [~ | |} [~ '----'|____\
\____/ [ | |\ [_ \____/
=================================================================
: Nashville Arena -- Nashville, TN
>>BIRD'S-EYE CAM<<
{The camera sweeps over a crowd of people who seem reasonably
excited to be a part of the AWI's first card at the Nashville
Arena ... among the over 18,000 people in the sellout crowd, the
camera pans over a group of college guys dressed in Broncos
uniforms, waving "Trick Or Treat, Joe!" signs; an older guy,
looking a bit like a slumming accountant, teaching his extremely
young son to hold up a "Robbie + Anyone = Robbie - Belt" sign; a
somewhat panicky young lady who frantically waves a "Kerry Me to
the Chapel" sign when she sees the camera; and a pretty young
thing who seems only to happy to model her Ed Carr Wrestling
Academy t-shirt ...
... eventually, the camera manages to get to the
announcer's table just behind the safety railing, where our
three hosts now sit--the middle man oddly accessorized with a
neck-brace and sling:
: Justin Escobar Chad Swayze Mike Marone
[Escobar]
Ola, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to AWI's LINE OF FIRE!
Tonight, we're going to see--
[Swayze]
What we're going to see is the Chadinator getting some JUSTICE!
You all saw it -- everybody was a witness, man ... Steve the
Insane, and that punk friend of his Joe, attacked me WITHOUT
PROVOCATION! Nearly KILLED me! And I helpless due to my
pacifistic outlook ... it was OUTRAGEOUS, Justino--OUTRAGEOUS!
[Escobar]
Almost as outrageous, perhaps, as your exaggerations ... to
begin with, it was /hardly/ unprovoked -- and you seemed to be
well enough to gloat during the confrontation between Tank
Bradley and Kerry Masters that followed ...
[Swayze]
Mere instinct, Justin -- I tell ya, I was like one of those bugs
that moves around after it's dead -- I honestly can't even
remember that last match! It's like some lost dream ... some lost
good dream ... the kind of really really good lost dream you
spend all day in bed trying to get back ...
[Marone]
He's right, Justin. He still bugs me even when he's dead.
[Swayze]
That's not what I -- I-I can't ... I'd like to correct you, Mike,
but I ... I just don't have ... the strength ...
[Escobar]
Please, por favor ... you're just being ridiculous.
[Swayze]
But the WORST part is, they're letting that guy wrestle TONIGHT!
When does the suspension kick in? Can he really afford that big
a fine? I want to see him under the hammer ...
[Escobar]
Well, I have a memo from our president ... you want to hear it?
[Swayze]
Are you kidding? Preach the good news to me, padre!
[Escobar]
Well ... it says here that, since you're officially a member
of Team Stevens, and not of the AWI announcing crew, that
Team Stevens is held liable for any damage you take to your
person.
[Swayze]
HA! Take that, Jo--WHAT?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!
[Escobar]
Yes, it's a tough break, I'm afraid. As I said, though, Joe Walker
is set to take on--
[Swayze]
IT'S NOT FAIR!!
[Marone]
Yo, man, you said that already.
[Escobar]
--set to take on the evilly enigmatic Dominic Nightshade ... and
if we've learned one thing from the man who calls himself the
Scarecrow, it's that you never know what he's up to.
[Swayze]
IT'S NOT FAIR!!
[Marone]
Whoa ... it's like a bad flashback, or something.
[Escobar]
I'd hate to speculate on the nature of that something, Mike ...
we'll also have the Honor Guard in action ... and the debut of
the exciting duo of the Dynamics ... and as you saw earlier, the
Chaos Brothers have accepted the challenge to face the World tag
team champions, Intensive Care!
[Swayze]
IT'S NOT FAIR!!
[Marone]
Is, uh, he gonna be like this the whole show?
[Escobar]
I doubt it -- his boss is supposed to defend the Television title
tonight.
[Swayze]
IT'S NOT--actually, the State Victim Protection program forbids
me to identify the opponent before he receives his humiliation at
the hands of the Most Feared Foot In Wrestling, His Royal
So-Coolness, Robbie Stevens!
[Marone]
Wow, a miracle cure!
[Escobar]
What's a miracle is that he can suck up like that with a straight
face.
[Swayze]
It's so sad that you have to think of the truth as mere flattery,
Justino--you were neglected by your parents, right?
[Escobar]
My parents have nothing to do with your character flaws ...
[Swayze]
Denial's always the first stage.
[Marone]
I thought it was a river.
[Escobar]
{groans} The FCC's going to hurt us for THAT one ... let's head to
Paul Stone, with words from one of tonight's competitors, before
we get in any deeper.
=================================================================
{We join Paul Stone walking around in the back of the arena.}
[Paul Stone]
I'm on my way to the Chaos Brothers' dressing room, to get their
comments about the big match with Intensive Care later tonight.
{Paul stops before a dressing room door with a metal number plate
reading "111" on it.}
[Stone]
Here it is -- room 111. {He knocks.} Hello, Blunt? Zap, are you
in there? {He looks down the hallway.} You see anyone down
there, Gus?
{As he is peering down the hall, the door slowly opens behind
him, showing a wedge of darkness within. A dirty white-gloved
hand at the end of a tattered black sleeve shoots out, grabs
Stone by the shoulder, and pulls him inside. The scene goes
shaky as the cameraman backpedals in alarm.}
[Stone]
What th--?
{The door slams shut, causing the the number plate to fall off,
revealing another beneath it which says "121."
There is an awkward, silent moment -- then the door swings
open, and Paul is forcibly ejected from the still-darkened
room, looking pale and shaky. The door slams shut again as
Paul takes a moment to compose himself.}
[Stone]
Uhmm, ladies and gentlemen, "The Scarecrow" Dominic Nightshade
would like it to be known that tonight he intends to beat Joe
Walker to a pulp, and ... uhm ... {he appears to be desperately
trying to remember something -- or maybe trying to avoid
remembering it} ... and then scoop out his skull, light a
candle in it, and use it for a jack-o-lantern.
[Gus]: {off-camera} Are you all right? What happened in
there?
[Stone]
{shakily} I'd rather not say.. I mean, I don't know ... I mean
... Justin, back to you ...
=================================================================
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Escobar]
Whatever the conditions, it appears we've received more of the
Scarecrow's unconventional brand of personal expression ...
{frown} I hope in the future that the powers which be here in the
AWI take measures to prevent this kind of harassment before
anything *serious* occurs from it.
[Swayze]
{snort} Oh yeah, we've seen what kind of racket those front
office types are running. Look out, Paulo! If you or any member
of your broadcasting team gets caught in the crossfire, the AWI
will disavow all knowledge of your existence!
[Escobar]
I don't think you're really in a place to--
>>AISLE<<
: "Burning Down the House" (Talking Heads)
{The fans don't know what to think of the musical cue, until
they see Robbie Stevens pop out from behind curtain working on
the Rubik's Cube. He's wearing new "fire" pattern tights and is
carrying all 3 Team Stevens championships, as usual. He hops
into the ring and takes the ring microphone.}
[Stevens]
{putting down the cube} Trust me ... any minute, you will be
AMAZED by my brilliance as I solve this cube with ease. Now, I
have several things to discuss this week, but unlike some
people, Robbie Stevens is not about to come out here and waste a
lot of time.
[Marone]: That's cool of him! So, uh, why's he still
talking?
[Stevens]
First off, Kerry Masters, consider yourself lucky to be walking.
If that stupid ref hadn't mistaken Tank's massive hand hitting
the canvas so he could pull himself to the ropes, break the hold
and then cripple you for good, for a tap out, we'd be calling
you "the Late One" Kerry Masters right now.
Second, we have on to my ever important TV title defense. Now,
I've been waiting weeks for someone in that locker room to step
forward and accept a sure loss at the toes of the Most Feared
Foot in Wrestling, and not a single one of them had the guts ...
except Joe Walker.
[Escobar]: Joe Walker? He wants to fight Joe Walker? But
Joe Walker already HAS a match scheduled tonight ...
[Swayze]: HA! It's genius! I KNEW the Man With the Plan
wouldn't let me down!
[Stevens]
But where Joe had guts ... he lacks in patience. Because, Joey
knew that it was only a matter of time before he got a title shot
... the problem is, he ran out and signed a match for tonight
against that nice young boy Dom Nightshade.
[Escobar]: "Nice young boy?" The man borders on homicidal!
[Stevens]
Now, we have a problem here. I mean, it would be unfair for him
to not give Joe his title shot. And I have to defend the title
tonight, so it would be wrong to make some other snivelling
coward get in the ring with me when we've got someone who's
ready, willing and able to face the New Jersey Ninja. But,
tonight is also the first big match in Dom's career. And unlike
*SOME* people in the back, I'm not afraid of young wrestlers
trying to make a name for themselves, because a few years ago,
I was in that position. So I can't cheat Joe or Dommie out of
their match and I've got to defend this title or the ratings
will go down and you fans will want your money back.
So, being *YOUR* hero, I have a solution that will make everyone
happy. Joey, you and Dom can have your match tonight ... and
after that's over, later in the hour Joey, you get your shot at
the TV Title.
[Escobar]: This is preposterous! Joe Walker deserves a
LEGITIMATE shot at the TV title--not after he's faced a
character the likes of Nightshade!
[Swayze]: Heyyy, nobody's FORCING Joe to take the match!
[Stevens]
Dom, I wish you luck in your match. Now, I'd hate for this to go
say, 20 minutes, because then Joe would tired and I'd feel
realllll badddd about that. And please, don't do anything nasty
like say, hit him in the head with a chair repeatedly. Remember,
he has a title match later on. We don't want *ANYTHING* bad
happening to Joe.
[Marone]: Jeez, why doesn't he just hand out a connect-the-
dots set? "Beating Up Joe For Dummies" or something.
[Swayze]: Ehh, the people at that company just wouldn't go
for it. No vision.
[Stevens]
And Steve-o! I know some people have put somethings in your head
about me, but I give you my word as man and as Member 209 of the
Steve the Insane Fan Club ... {he pulls out a card which reads
"Steve the Insane Fan Club Member 209 Robbie Stevens"} ... that
I will not interfere in this match, so you can stay in the back,
spend a little quality time with Angela ... and let Joe Joe
Walker and myself find out who truly is the greatest martial
artists in AWI.
And finally, we move on to an important bit of information I
heard about. You know, I heard on the Internet, and as we all
know, the Internet is never wrong about anything ... that the
Flagstaff in Jim Thorpe, PA burned down to the ground. Now,
you're probably wondering why I bring this fact up. Well, you
see, the Flagstaff, aka the bar on top of a Godforsaken hill,
was the home of the Ed Carr Wrestling Academy. So it seems that
Ed needs to find a new place to run classes and rob young people
with a dream of their money. Well Ed ... I think I know a place
for you to move to. The outhouse in your backyard. Because you
teaching skills match what's deposited there.
And Joe... prepare to go up in smoke!
{Robbie raises his hands and the ring posts explode into flames
as Robbie poses in the ring with all three belts, causing the
fans to be taken momentarily aback before they start booing all
the louder}
[Escobar]: I don't--
[Swayze]: SSHHH ... this isn't a time for talking ... let's
just all take a moment, and bask in the glory--the genius--
that is ... Robbie.
[Marone]: Are you running a temperature? Maybe you should
go lie down.
[Escobar]: He'll have plenty of time to bask -- we're headed
for a commercial break -- stay tuned, everybody, and we'll
try to keep the "genius" to a minimum ...
=================================================================
WHEN LINE OF FIRE RETURNS: Chaos Brothers endure Intensive Care
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Honda recommends you rotate every 1000 miles--
and changing tires now and then's pretty good, too ... Among
the games for your N64: "AWI International Incident, with GA-REE,
taking a piledriver onto the concrete, whimpering and mewling,
praying for the hurting to end ... WHA-AT?" ... staying at a
Holiday Inn won't make you smarter, but you'll feel like it ...
=================================================================
: AWI Line of Fire: Nashville Arena--Nashville, TN
{"Orinoco Flow" by Enya plays over the speakers, to an
appreciative, if confused, crowd reaction, as a pair of athletic
young men in rainbow-colored, tie-dyed spandex pants and silver
glitter-masks with multi-hued streamers make their way to the
ring while slapping hands ... every so often, one will hop onto
the railing and vault off in a somersault, producing cheers from
the audience ...}
[Escobar]: Even as the AWI introduces itself to the city of
Nashville for the first time, the duo of Hector and
Achilles, A.K.A. the Dynamics, introduces themselves to the
AWI ... and we've heard nothing but good about these
young men ...
[Swayze]: I guess you're not listening hard enough.
>>RING<<
{The Dynamics' opponents, the Grey Guardians, are already in the
ring, their trademark grey masks supplemented by grey
gumshoe-style trench-coats ... The Dynamics reach the ring, and
moonsault into the ring from the posts--at which point the
Guardians toss off the trenchcoats to reveal street clothes, and
charge the Dynamics, levelling them with clotheslines.}
[Escobar]: And we're about to get underw--WAIT A MINUTE--
BRUTAL pre-emptive strike from the Guardians--they don't
even look like they came to wrestle tonight!
[Swayze]: You can say that again, Justino! My guess is,
they finally got sick of losing, and decided to show these
pansies up!
[Marone]: I'll go that one better, Justin -- they don't
look like the Guardians tonight ... I mean, we saw these
guys just a few weeks ago, and they were a lot shorter,
weren't they?
[Escobar]: I think you may have a point there, Mike!
{"Guardian" #1 bounces off the ropes and takes down the
recovering Dynamics with a cross bodyblock, while #2 slides out
of the ring long enough to grab a number of chairs and toss them
through the ropes. #1 DDTs "Hector" (at least according to his
tights) into a chair, then picks up another one and blasts him
across the back, while #2 sits "Achilles" in a chair, and bounces
off the ropes to shoulderblock him with yet another chair.}
[Escobar]: Brandie Mulroney is at a total loss to handle the
mayhem in the ring right now -- and after that DDT, Hector's
not moving ... Achilles knocked ABSOLUTELY SENSELESS WITH
THAT SHOT ... she has to get in there and stop this!
[Swayze]: With what, her good looks and charm? Trust me,
Justino, when something like this happens, you've only got
one solution: sit back, enjoy the show, and thank the stars
above the man beneath the steel isn't named you, capiche?
[Escobar]: I capiche that this is horrible ... wait--now
what are they--
{The two pile the Dynamics head-to-toe on top of one another
using two opened chairs to support the pair off the mat ... they
then climb to the top of a post with a third chair ... as the
crowd boos loudly, #2 picks up #1, hoists him into the air as the
latter holds the chair behind his shoulders, and powerbombs him
into the pile below.}
[Escobar]: MADRE DIOS!! Hector's not moving! Achilles isn't
moving! In fact, Guardian #1 is barely moving himself! I'm
not sure whether that counts as aggravated battery, or just
plain suicide!
[Swayze]: How about calling it euthanasia as it applies
to the Dynamby-pambies? Or Dyin'-to-moves?
[Marone]: I don't think it's so funny, man ... I mean, it's
gettin' so you can't trust ANYBODY in a mask anymore ... if
Batman showed up tonight, I'd bodyslam him just to be on the
safe side, y'know?
[Escobar]: Security is finally out to ringside, and these
so-called "Guardians" have headed for the hills ... the
Dynamics STILL aren't moving in the ring, and the medical
personnel are arriving ... while they're attending to those
unfortunate young men, we've--also unfortunately--got words
from the self-proclaimed "Right-On Reverend," Jeremiah
James ...
[Swayze]: Awesome, bay-bee--he can perform the last rites!
=================================================================
{Fade from black into a scene of a shadowed chapel of sorts,
behind the pulpit of which stands a figure clad in black pants,
black vest with clerical collar, and gold rings spelling
"G-O-O-D" and "E-V-I-L" on each respective hand. The only real
light in the scene is a spotlight centered above him, giving the
impression of a "halo".}
[Reverend James]
{speaking in a deep and quiet but intense voice} A chill wind
blows outside these sanctum walls, my congregation ... it is a
time of darkness and death, the fading of summer light and hopes
before the coming winter. And as the days fade into longer nights,
so too do the hearts and souls of men dim into darkness, weakened
by the chill of hardships to the call of the great adversary ...
It is a time when the minions of darkness grow bolder, shielded
from the light. Even now, they wave their banners openly within
this AWI ... even now, they urge all the weakened men hungering
for fame and fortune to answer their call for their 'Danse
Macabre', to accept the Devil's Deal.
The hearts of righteous men will be thankful, for the LORD has
sent his servant to suffer in their place, to safeguard those who
might be saved from this sale of the soul. Be warned now, all you
who would risk your virtue within the four rings of hell at this
Danse Macabre -- you will be redeemed at the hands of the Reverend
Jeremiah James, washed in fire and pain, and sent forth clean ...
but so more joyful he who needs not this baptism.
{He pauses for a long moment, bowing his head.}
Yet there are those too far lost for such simple measures, souls
already fallen off the edge of salvation and plunging towards the
devil's grasp. The LORD has not forgotten these, nay, not even
the sinful, the prideful, the living idols who would steal His
glory. Most especially, the LORD calls out to one so close to His
will, the man who would be Justice. For the path of Justice will
not lead to the Danse Macabre, will not take him to the Devil's
Deal.
I tell you now in His name, man of Justice, that for every thing
on His Earth is a purpose. There is a purpose for your trials, a
purpose for your pain. Know you that the LORD will reveal his plan
for you in time, man of Justice. The LORD is not blind to your
suffering, man of Justice -- it is *you*, always you, who have
been blind to its *cause*.
Always you look within for answers, seeking the truth of this
life in the flawed and contrary human heart. Open your eyes, oh
Justice, and look once more, and you will see there is no truth
there ... there is sin, yea, sin and temptation, all the
weaknesses of mankind -- but no truth, no answers.
Always you look for answers, Justice, and find only doubts. You
doubt the origins of your cause. You doubt the sincerity of your
motives. You doubt the effectiveness of your actions. Turn your
eyes to the servant of the LORD, the Reverend Jeremiah James,
and you will see no doubt -- for doubt cannot exist in the place
of faith. For it is written that a man with a mustard seed of
faith can move mountains -- and so here, in this AWI, will it be
done, for the Reverend Jeremiah James is that man. I will move
/you/, Justice. You will find your answer. You will doubt no
longer.
You shall *believe* ...
=================================================================
>>PRESS TABLE<<
[Escobar]
Utterly chilling. I don't know how he lives with himself.
[Marone]
Dude, that guy makes me afraid to go to church on Sundays. He'd
wipe out the whole front row just to make sure the rest listened
closely.
[Swayze]
Probably a better attention-getter than humor, when you think about
it.
[Escobar]
Speaking of abominable, the ring's now been cleared, but we won't
know the exact condition of Hector or Achilles until--possibly--
later in Line of Fire, as they've been taken to the medical
station in the Arena ... we've already dispatched Paul Stone to
try and get more information as to the cause of that deplorable
display.
[Swayze]
I'm assuming "deplorable" means "exciting, invigorating, and an
utter joy to watch," right? Or did you just mis-use a word?
[Escobar]
Wha-that's--If we weren't going to taped comments just now, I'd
find something to cut to, just so I wouldn't have to listen to
something as disgusting as that ...
[Marone]
Me too--well, except, actually, I'd just hit you.
[Swayze]
SAY, don't we have something from the Careless Brothers to show?
Man, do I want to see that!
[Escobar]
{sighs} One CHAOS Brother, coming up.
=================================================================
{Blunt Dakota is currently stretched out in an uncomfortable
position on the couch in his dressing room. In his hands is a
binder full of loosely bound bits of paper and several pictures.}
[Blunt]
Intensive Care. If the reports are to be believed they're the
best in the AWI to date. And we accepted their challenge. Why do
I do these things?
{Blunt hunches up onto one side of the couch and lays the open
binder on the other side. He leafs through the pages with one
finger. Several pictures of IC flutter to the ground.}
[Blunt]
Mike Kirwan. John Smith. You wouldn't think they could work
together so smoothly, but they do. You wouldn't think they have
the skill that they've got. Kinda reminds me of us. Couple of
dissimilar guys who by all rights shouldn't really think the same
way, but we do somehow. With Zap and me, there's sort of a bond
based on similar outlooks on life, similar problems and goals.
With I-C, I think it's mainly based on insanity.
{Blunt retrieves the fallen pictures to the binder. He retrieves
his now-familiar pack from underneath the couch and shoves the
binder into it.}
[Blunt]
I think that's what bothers me about those two. Call it being
old-fashioned, call it thinking in army, but the lunatics
shouldn't be in the battle on either side. It's not fair to them
or anybody involved. I'm not so tightly wrapped myself that I can
throw too many stones, but I don't have to like it. Stepping into
the ring against a fighter who's already lost it, like John has
... just isn't right. It hurts to think of what he must have been
like when he was whole.
{Blunt stares at his pack for a second, then abruptly stands up
and throws the pack over his shoulder.}
[Blunt]
Bottom line: I'm gonna go hook up with Zap, and we're going to
deal with Intensive Care on their own terms. I'm not out to right
wrongs or cure evils. I'm just gonna make sure that when IC wake
up a few weeks from now, they're gonna know in their bones that
they wrestled the Chaos Brothers. They'll remember it then, and
they'll always remember it, 'til the bitter end.
{Blunt calmly steps out of the room.}
=================================================================
>>RING<<
{The four men are already in the ring; Asylum plays up to the
crowd, which seems to find it amusing, while Mike seems to be
irritated by it, while the Chaos Brothers apparently discuss
strategy in their corner ...}
[Escobar]: Kirwan seeming rather perturbed by his partner's
newfound desire for fan rapport.
[Swayze]: He SHOULD be! Being despised is what gives this
team a chip on their shoulder! It's their /edge/, man --
and somebody hit Smithie there with a Danny-Boy poster or
something, and poisoned him with fan-loving ... it could
be the end of this team as we know it!
[Marone]: So you're saying Intensive Care can't win without
cheating?
[Swayze]: Exa--NO ... jeez, Mike, don't put words in my
mouth like that -- you could get me killed!
[Escobar]: I think you do a pretty good job of that on
your own ... Kirwan and Dakota are in the ring, now, and
set to lock up.
{Mike Kirwan and Blunt lock up in a collar-and-elbow, with Mike
getting the advantage and moving into a side headlock, then
switching tactics with a takedown and a hammerlock ...}
[Escobar]: Kirwan with the early advantage here--
[Swayze]: And the middle advantage, and the late advantage,
and the advantage after the bell rings to end the match.
Face it, they're just plain dominant.
[Marone]: I dunno--you gotta be hungry to be a wrestler,
and maybe Mike's getting too used to "having the advantage."
{Dakota slips out of the hammerlock, as Asylum tries to get a
"Let's Go Mike" chant started on the apron ... Dakota catches
Kirwan in a scissorlock, and the crowd 'rewards' Asylum with
a chorus of "Get Bent, Mike" ...}
[Escobar]: Heh ... apparently, the fans will only accept
this "new" Intensive Care so far ...
[Swayze]: Shows what THEY know -- Kirwan and Smith are
out here busting their humps to give them a great show,
and where's a guy like Jerry Straite? Polishing his belt
with his ego! SOMEDAY the fans are going to appreciate
the true entertainers of this sport, like Robbie Stevens!
[Marone]: Yeah, whenever Robbie comes to ringside, I feel
like the circus came to town. I just can't figure out
whether he's a clown or one of those trained monkeys.
{Kirwan breaks out, but Dakota's to his feet first, and drops
an elbow on Mike, then locks on a side headlock -- which Kirwan
manages to reverse ... he whips Blunt to the ropes, and catches
him with a knee lift, then levels him with a short-arm
clothesline.}
[Escobar]: Dakota and Kirwan trading counters here ... both
men top-notch technicians at the height of their game.
[Marone]: Yeah, which means their game's about 6' 3" if my
notes are right, right?
[Swayze]: Huh?? Hey, Justino ... When they send that geezer
Glenn back into space, you don't think he'll stumble on the
planet this guy came from and bring MORE of them back, do
you?
[Escobar]: I, uh, won't even speculate on that question--
Kirwan with a BIG kneelift, and he now seems fully in
control!
{The camera wanders away from the action to a hefty man in a cheap
sportcoat, glasses, hat, and ponytail, circling the ring with a
camera bag over the shoulder, taking pictures ...}
[Escobar]: Quick look at our guest from Elite Wrestling
Informative, the monthly wrestling news-source ... and
I'm sure he's getting some great pictures tonight.
[Swayze]: How much did you get for saying THAT?
{Tag to Smith, who offers a handshake to Dakota. Blunt warily
accepts, and Smith grins to the audience, before another collar
and elbow ensues, which Blunt gets control of this time -- he
lifts John up for a bodyslam, but Asylum's able to cause a loss
of balance, and Dakota falls backward instead.}
[Swayze]: Oh, man, what a JOKER! I hate to argue with
"Stretcher", but I don't know WHAT he was thinkin' there!
Yeah, you gotta show loyalty to your partner, but to tag
Blue Boy in at this point, when you've got the perfect
chance to beat somebody up -- man, that's crazy!
[Marone]: So's arguing with Kirwan's tactics.
[Swayze]: Hey, I was really HURT last week -- I could've
suffered a concussion or something! I'm not in my right
mind!
[Escobar]: Can we get that in writing? Dakota scoops up
Smith now -- no, wait -- Smith sends him off balance, and
Dakota falls to the mat with Asylum on top!
[Swayze]: Quick advice, Duh-kota: GIVE UP! You might be
able to take on guys like the Grey Guardians -- the old
ones, anyway -- but Intensive Care's in a class by itself!
[Escobar]: Does that include Agony & Ecstasy?
[Swayze]: Hey, stop that! I don't need trouble with the
boss-man ... besides, bein' the Walking Weapon of Mass
Destruction and the Fashion Plate of the AWI are full-time
jobs of their OWN -- being a dominant tag team is just
their hobby, comprende?
{Smith hits Dakota with a leg lariat as the pair rise; John goes
into the ropes, and leapfrogs Blunt once, then clotheslines him
on the return, before dropping a fist into the forehead.}
[Escobar]: And we knew it wouldn't be long before Smith
brought that "medical appliance" into play during this
match ... you know, you'd think the AWI's Competition
Committee could step in and stop that travesty!
[Swayze]: Travesty?! Escobo, I've /seen/ that hand -- that
glove goes, and you can kiss your hopes of duckin' the
TV-MA goodbye! Scream 3 is gonna be about that man's bare
hand!
{Another whip to the ropes -- and Dakota catches a Kirwan knee
in the back ... he manages to catch Smith during a bodypress,
however, and in a reverse of earlier turns it into a bodyslam.}
[Escobar]: Dakota into the ropes now -- COME ON -- Kirwan
with an uncalled-for assist, and the big cross-body from
Asylum -- NO! Blunt catches him, and rewrites their first
meeting by completing the bodyslam!
[Swayze]: It's gonna take more than luck to beat the world
champs!
[Marone]: Yeah. A few more slams like that could really
help, too.
[Escobar]: Dakota now trying to make his corner, as Asylum
tries to shake off the stars ... Blunt reaching for the
tag ...
[Swayze]: He'll never make it --
[Escobar]: He makes the tag!
[Swayze]: --unless that bum of a ref screws things up! Talk
about your biased officiating! He didn't even get the tag
off!
[Escobar]: Don't even start. You KNOW we all saw that tag.
[Marone]: Whoa, mass hysteria! Should we call Unsolved
Mysteries?
[Swayze]: Yeah, tell 'em we found the missing link.
{Hot tag to Zap, who floors Asylum with a roundhouse kick. John
keeps him from capitalizing via a low blow, but Zap's able to
stop further offense with a forearm, then staggers Asylum with a
front kick. He goes for a roundhouse kick, but Asylum ducks, then
launches himself into Zap with a clothesline.}
[Escobar]: London wasting no time in grabbing the offensive--
[Swayze]: Just about ANYTHING he grabs is offensive ... can
you believe people let their kids watch him?
[Escobar]: You have a problem with Zap London? Why, on
earth?
[Swayze]: The man wears Fort Knox in his face! He'll have
kids poking themselves with pencils or pins or worse, just
to be "cool like Zap!" Upstanding role-models of good clean
fun like Robbie 'n' Corey 'n' me can only do so much,
y'know.
[Escobar]: TOO much, it seems -- neither London or Smith
able to keep the attack up -- but that clothesline might
change things!
{As Asylum approaches, Zap catches him in the chin with a snap
kick, then legsweeps him, and scrambles into the ropes, coming
off with a handspring kick.}
[Escobar]: Or perhaps I spoke too soon, as London strings
together a martial arts combo ... he's up -- into the ropes--
WHAT A KICK he just floored Asylum with! And the fans are
going absolutely crazy for Zap right now!
[Swayze]: They'd HAVE to be crazy to root for that loon.
{A series of punishing forearms daze Asylum, followed by a back
elbow, but Smith manages to turn the momentum of his stagger
into a spinning leg lariat -- only to get legswept by Zap, and
thrown in a scissorlock.}
[Escobar]: Zap seems to feed off the energy of the fans,
as he takes charge of this match ... but Asylum with a
leg-lariat combo -- NO, Zap takes him to the mat right
back, and applies a scissorlock ...
[Marone]: That's not so good.
[Escobar]: I'm not sure I follow.
[Marone]: Pound-pound-pound-pound, then squeeze? I think
Smith kinda spooked Zap with that kick-thingie -- even if
Zap is still the guy puttin' out the pain, he's lost a
little of his game, and it's gonna take him some time to
find it again.
{Eventually, Smith manages to break free, but Zap keeps the heat
on him with another forearm, a whip to the ropes, and a crescent
kick ... Asylum rolls out of the way of an axe kick, however, and
makes it to his corner for the tag; Zap tries to follow with a
leg drop, but gets taken out in mid-air by Kirwan, who launches
himself over the ropes with a clothesline.}
[Escobar]: Another shot to the head as Smith escapes, and
he's sent to the ropes -- and taken right down with a big
kick! Seems to have found his game -- but maybe not, as
Asylum rolls away from the axe kick -- he gets the tag,
even as Zap chases --MADRE what a clothesline!
[Swayze]: {bad french accent} Warily, ze ferrrozious and
cunning Mike ztalkz itz unzuzpektin' prey, ztriking with
khomplete zhooprize and feral effizhenzee ...
[Marone]: Hey, that's pretty good, Chad. Do you do any
other impressions besides Stefan Schreiber?
[Swayze]: Eht's COUSTEAU, yeu steup-- I mean, you stupid
twerp!
{Kirwan flattens Zap with a belly-to-belly, pulls him back to
IC's corner, and starts working his arm against the ringpost. He
locks Zap in a Japanese armbar, switches to a hammerlock, then
loses the hold and gets caught off-guard by another forearm.}
[Escobar]: Kirwan seems revitalized, and that's big trouble
for London right now, as Mike just POWERS him to the mat!
Pulls him to the corner ... and -- please, this is just
BRUTAL, Kirwan slamming the arm into the ringpost ... as
good a wrestler as he is, why does Kirwan have to try and
ruin his opponent?
[Swayze]: Maybe your copy of Hooked-on-Phonics hasn't
arrived yet, Justin: {slowly} be-cause-he's-that-good!
[Marone]: I think it could backfire on him, though.
[Escobar]: Why do you say that?
[Marone]: Well, my notes say Zap's a MASTER at unarmed
combat anyway, so why not just let him keep the arms and
work something else?
[Swayze]: It's kind of a moral victory.
{Zap tries a side-kick, but Kirwan catches the leg and improvises
a leg-wheel takedown ... he catches an elbow from Zap, however,
and London drives him back with forearm and elbow shots, leading
to a roundhouse kick, a whip to the ropes, and a dropkick, before
making the tag to Blunt.}
[Escobar]: Kirwan refusing to give up the offense here, but
Zap's martial arts strikes driving him back nonetheless ...
[Marone]: I don't think I've seen Kirwan struggling this
much, tell ya the truth ... he really seems to be gettin'
ticked off in there.
[Escobar]: The Chaos Brothers are giving the champs a
fight, that's for sure.
[Swayze]: Speak for yourselves. Me, I've got my FTD order
in for Zap and Blunt's poor grieving parents already ...
I think they call it the "One Less Mouth To Feed" Bouquet.
{Blunt drops a big elbow on Kirwan, then pulls him into a
scissorlock. Kirwan gets to the ropes, but takes a headbutt to
the back, followed by a half-nelson, then full-nelson.}
[Escobar]: And now Blunt back in the ring ... and he decides
to slow things down ... ref forces the break, but Blunt
not ready to drop the offensive ...
[Swayze]: Now why doesn't Newman get in and stop THAT, huh?
You reach the ropes, you've got a TOTAL break coming -- it's
in the rules!
[Marone]: I don't remember it being written exactly like
that.
[Swayze]: It was in the fine print.
[Marone]: I don't remember any fine print, either.
[Swayze]: You must have had the abridged edition.
{Kirwan escapes, and twists Blunt into an armwringer. He then
sets up Dakota for a straitjacket, with a leg-lariat assist from
Asylum.}
[Escobar]: Mike getting the advantage -- wait, Asylum's in
the ring -- STRAITJACKET/LARIAT COMBO!
[Swayze]: Paging Mr. Referee -- we need a fork! HA!
[Escobar]: 1 ... 2 ... and NO! Zap with the save! Smith to
his feet, and mixes it up with London -- but Kirwan wraps
up Dakota in a reverse rollup -- he's got the tights! 1 ...
2 ... c'mon, ref, catch it -- he's calling for the bell!
It's a 3-count for Intensive Care!
[Marone]: Man, I can't believe that ... the Chaos Brothers
fought too hard a match to lose like that ...
[Swayze]: Call it a learning experience ... next time, they
won't fight anyone smarter than they are!
[Marone]: Are you volunteering?
[Escobar]: A tough break for Zap and Blunt, but I have a
feeling they'll get another opportunity -- and sooner than
the champions might prefer ... and speaking of people
looking for opportunities, let's head to the Sniper's Nest
now ...
{A brief pan over the crowd accompanies the opening of "No
Shelter" by Rage Against the Machine keys up.}
>>AISLE<<
{Hector "Power" Martinez and Jayson "Fury" Michaels make their
way to the Sniper's Nest. They slap a few fans' hands on the way,
then get into position to speak.}
[Jayson Michaels]
A lot of wrestling is about respect. Hector and I came to the AWI
a few months ago, and asked for respect. Respect based on the
potential I've shown ... respect based on Hector's history ...
and basic respect given to any athlete.
Well ... to say the least, I don't think we were taken very
seriously ... particularly not after losing to a great team like
Agony and Ecstasy.
{Big-time boos ... apparently, the Nashville crowd isn't too fond
of A & E.}
[Jayson Michaels]
So the next thing that we did was take on the best in the
federation: Intensity went to the limit with Intensive Care ...
{More boos, though a small chant of "A-SY-LUM" starts up.}
[Jayson Michaels]
But does Intensity get any respect? Any high ranking? Even
placement in the popularity polls? No.
[Hector Martinez]
IT MAKES A GUY WONDER ... WHAT DO WE NEED TA DO?!?!?! WHAT
HAVEN'T WE DONE YET?!?!?! DOES INTENSITY NEED TO COME OUT HERE
AND BEAT PEOPLE TO A PULP TO GET RESPECT?!?! JUMP PEOPLE WHEN
THEY'RE NOT LOOKING ... HUH?!??!
{The crowd isn't so hot at the mention of these tactics, as shown
from a concerned/confused ripples of boos and murmurs.}
[Jayson Michaels]
Well ... I have to admit that it was considered. But that isn't
our way. What Intensity needs to do to get respect is to EARN it
... by taking on those that are respected ... taking on the best
... and pinning them 1,2,3 in the center of the ring!!!
{THIS makes them happy -- big-time cheers ...}
[Hector Martinez]
SO INTENSITY'S GOT A LITTLE CHALLENGE TA MAKE!!!! WE WANNA TAKE
ON THE TWO MOST ESTABLISHED TEAMS IN THE AWI ... NOT TA JUMP YA
... NOT TA HURT YA ... BUT TO PROVE WE /DESERVE/ RESPECT IN THE
AWI!!!!
[Jayson Michaels]
So Perfection ... if you have some time in between getting your
affairs in order for the Looking For A Fight match ... we have a
contract waiting for you in the AWI Front Office. Look at it
like this ... unlike Steve and Joe, you may be able to walk away
from a match with us. Maybe.
[Hector Martinez]
AND HONOR GUARD ... YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AROUND THE LONGEST ...
YOU'VE SHOWN A LOT THAT YOU ARE /THE MEN/ ... WE HAVE A CONTRACT
FOR YOU TOO!!!
[Jayson Michaels]
To be the best, you have to beat the best. Perfection ... Honor
Guard... you're among the most respected teams in the AWI. That
means you're the ones we need to beat.
=================================================================
WHEN LINE OF FIRE RETURNS: The Honor Guard returns to our ring!
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Legend of Zelda VI: The Ocarina of Time -- Get
N or get out ... "Neil, did you eat your Chunky Soup?" ... the
only car reverse-engineered from UFOs: the Beetle II ... ANTZ,
the only movie in theatres featuring drinking from an aphid's
butt ...
=================================================================
: AWI Line of Fire: Nashville Arena--Nashville, TN
{A booming voice that sounds like someone blatantly copying
Michael Buffer sounds off in the loudspeaker.}
[Booming Voice]: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, it's
that time again. Put your hands together for the DAVE
HATFIELD PLAYHOUSE!!!!!!!
Introducing this week, coming straight from the heart of
Germany, please welcome Dave's guest this week, reading a
passage from his favorite works of art ... KARL VON
EICHMANN!!!! {Then, in a MUCH lower, quicker voice}
thepartofeichmannisplayedthisweekbydavidhatfield.
{Cue "Voice of America" by Karl's entrance music as David
Hatfield comes out onto the Sniper's Nest stage in what could
only be described as a cross between Adolf Hitler and Colonel
Klink. Dressed in full WWII German officer uniform, with a fake
Hitler mustache and a Klink eyeglass monocle. His nametag
reads "General Eichmann" as he goose steps it to the stage
amidst a swelling wave of boos. In his hand is a hardback book,
looking rather old, as he stops, and begins to speak into a
microphone fashioned like the old radio microphones from the
50's.}
[Dave Eichmann]
ACTTUNG!
{He pauses to monitor the negative crowd mood.}
[Dave Eichmann]
{in a very bad German accent} Ackt BIT ZU! I Vill read from zie
book now. Und you vill be Quiet!!! Zie book ist MEIN KAMPF, by
Adolf Hitler SEIG HEIL!
{Dave begins reading in a very exaggerated manner, yelling some
words for no apparent reason and continuting to do the German
seig heil salute every word or so}
[Dave Eichmann]
For as soon as a MAN appears who profoundly recognizes the
DISTRESS of his PEOPLE and then, after he has attained zie
ultimate clarity with regard to zie nature of zie disease,
seriously tries to cure it, when he has set a goal and chosen
the road that can lead to this goal ... immediately small and
petty minds {points at the audience} take notice and begin to
follow eagerly zie activity of zis man who has attracted the
public eye. Zese people are just like sparrows who keep vatching
a more fortunate comrade who has found a piece of bread, in
hopes of suddenly robbing him in an unguarded moment.
A man need only embark upon a new road and all sorts of LAZY
LOITERERS prick up their ears and sniff some worth-while morsel
which might lie at the end of zis road!
{He snaps the book shut with a click of his heels.} Now, Vhat
does this mean for me? This means that GERMANY IS THE GREATEST
COUNTRY IN THE VORLD, and you are nothingk! You are the
loiterers that Adolf vas speakingk of! You are lazy loitering
Amerikans who have nothingk to do but (suddenly returns to his
normal voice} cheer for some lame ass wannabe American who
comes over here, steals OUR jobs, and then spouts off about how
great his country is. Eichmann, this is your notice. I'm Dave
Hatfield, and I for one say the buck stops here! You will not
steal our jobs, and take our women to learn German and cook
bratwurst for your little German children! You will not hurt
our great American nation, one that was formed from a
hodgepodge of all races, all religions EXCEPT for Germans! We
kicked your country's butt TWICE, rebuilt it twice, and you
repay us by sending us lame asses like Eichmann. I--
{Suddenly, another voice suddenly booms from the PA system.}
[Eichmann]: That ... is ... enough.
{Karl Von Eichmann appears on the ramp with a microphone,
wearing jeans and a "UCONN Atheletic Department" t-shirt; the
crowd turns quickly to cheers, if only for the promise of quick
relief from Dave's ranting.}
[Eichmann]
It is bad enough that you are wasting the time and money of
these fans to talk about your bigoted views ... but now you are
getting personal, and I advise you to stop right now.
{Dave pauses in mid-sentence, turns to Karl, and smiles.}
[Dave]
Why-- Why HELLO there, Karl ... howdy. Welcome to America. Land
of freedom.
{Dave smiles some more, but quickly turns to a frown as the
crowd voices its disapproval of his total lack of sincerity.}
[Dave]
Now get the hell out. You don't belong here. No one wants you
here, and you showing up with a UCONN t-shirt on only reinforces
that Connecticut would let ANYONE in their school. They don't
have standards like West Virginia University does.
I'm being personal? YOU being here, YOU calling the country I
call home YOUR home, you claiming that you're proud to be an
American, those insult me personally. You started it. Now, if
you can't take a bit of history from YOUR OWN COUNTRY, if you
can't take words written down by a man who used to rule Germany,
that's not my problem. I'm not the one whose ashamed to be who I
am. I am an American, and despite all the problems, all the
tensions, all the troubles, I AM PROUD to be an American. I don't
come out and spit on the country that gave birth to me. You do.
It seems, bucko, that you have some personal problems that you
need to sort out. That's not my problem. It's not my problem that
you're so much of a loser that even Germany don't want you anymore.
{Von Eichmann, growing visibly tense, advances down the ramp.}
[Eichmann]
Do not put words into my mouth, Hatfield. I have never "spit on"
Germany, and I _do_ love the nation of my birth, in spite of her
dark history. But America is the land of opportunity, as much in
the sport of wrestling as anywhere else. I came to this country to
pursue my dreams, as _millions_ have before me -- as _your_
ancestors did as well, Hatfield -- to better themselves ... to be
free.
{The crowd experiences a warm, fuzzy patriotic rush, and thanks
Karl with cheers.}
[Eichmann]
You say you are an American, and that I am not: but who is out
here dressed like a hate-mongering nightmare, spouting rubbish
and bigotry, and who is out here speaking of freedom and
opportunity? _You_ should be ashamed, Hatfield, ashamed at your
hatred and your narrow mind. Now please, go back to the lockers,
so we can have some wrestling here.
{Karl turns to leave, still being cheered.}
[Dave]
Y'know, maybe I better be quiet. I know from reading history
what your people does to those they perceive to be a threat. If
I remember correctly, there were 6 million "threats" to Germany
that -- URGG!!!
{Dave is suddenly cut off by Karl lunging straight at his throat,
and pinning him to the ground ...}
[Escobar]: This is incredible! I don't think I've EVER seen
this man so angry!
[Marone]: Can you believe it? I mean, Hatfield's pushin'
ALL his buttons, and he looked like he was kinda ENJOYIN'
it -- that's just sick!
[Swayze]: See? See? The invasion's started already! We have
to rally 'round Dave before it's too late!
[Escobar]: Don't be an idiot--
[Marone]: Too late.
[Escobar]: And the security personnel have poured into the
Sniper's Nest to break these two apart, as Karl is just
PUMMELING Dave -- DESERVEDLY, I'd add!
{The officials manage finally to break the two apart ... Dave, his
mouth bloodied and a VERY wide-eyed look on his face, is quickly
ushered off stage by ring personnel, while Karl, looking a bit
abashed, makes his way back to the locker rooms to the fans'
cheers.}
>>ANNOUNCER'S TABLE<<
[Escobar]
It looks like things have finally settled down ... but there are
DEFINITELY going to be repercussions to this situation ...
[Marone]
Yeah, I'd say from the size of the goose-egg on Dave's head, he's
gonna have a repercussion for 2 or 3 days.
[Swayze]
It's amazing how you can work and take a vacation day at the same
time.
>>RING<<
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen ... your next match is scheduled for one
fall ... introducing first, already in the ring ... at a combined
total weight of 572 pounds ... Flapjack Jones, and Brick
Banyard ... the NEW BIG TIME WRESTLING!
{A smattering of boos as Jones and Banyard generate enough heat
to warm a water molecule ...}
[Rod Allen]
And their opponents, weighing in at a combined total of 540
pounds ...
{The fans' cheers start up almost simultaneously with the rousing
army drum cadence ...}
[Allen]
Led to the ring by tonight's SPECIAL manager, 13-year old Cathy
Melbourne from right here in Music City USA, Nashville, Tennesee ...
Samuel Richards ... and Rich Greenspear ... they are ... the
HONOR GUARD!!!
{The cheers only rise in volume as the pair make their way to the
ring, led by a perky brown-haired girl with a ponytail,
enthusiastically waving an American flag ...}
[Swayze]: Taking advantage of this hick state's child labor
laws? That's disgusting.
[Escobar]: You can't be serious ... I think it's
heart-warming to see the Honor Guard giving their fans
something special!
[Swayze]: 'Something special' would be a loser-leaves-town
match with themselves. This is just a way to skimp on
manager's fees ... watch, they'll probably use that poor
little girl as a shield during the match!
[Escobar]: That's ludicrous, even from you!
[Marone]: Yeah. I mean, Rich's almost seven feet, man --
how's he gonna fit behind her?
[Escobar]: Speaking of Rich, the larger man set to grapple
with Flapjack now ...
{The two men lock up, with Flapjack trying a go-behind takedown,
only to have the larger man reverse on him with a belly-to-back
suplex, followed by a rib crusher, and a whip into the ropes
for a powerslam.}
[Escobar]: Jones trying to wrestle the Mannheim monolith
scientifically, but Rich out-thinks him -- and WHAT a
suplex, driving Jones into the mat!
[Marone]: Man, that's like 300 or more pounds he just
tossed through the air like nothin' ... Rich probably
changes his tires without a jack!
[Escobar]: Two feet squarely in that big belly of
Flapjack's ... and then he sends him into the ropes --
POWERSLAM! Jones has had enough, and he rolls into his
corner to tag in Brick Banyard!
[Swayze]: Who'll probably get hit by the flag ... just
check out the devious little eyes on that brat.
[Marone]: Man, pick on someone your own size -- she's just
a kid!
[Swayze]: Yeah, that's why the Honor Guard wanted her
out there, right? I'm tellin' you, she's probably a
sadistic, pull-the-wings-off-flies, lies-on-her-report-
card felon in training, perfect for those two yokels!
[Marone]: I changed my mind -- can I just squash you
so you ARE her size?
{Banyard catches Greenspear with a shoulderblock, and manages
to squeeze in a few double axhandles on the staggered German ...
but Greenspear returns fire with a headbutt and a short-arm
clothesline, then hoists him high in the air for a press slam.}
[Escobar]: Neutral corners, gentlemen ... Banyard faring
a tad better than his partner ... he may have found a
weakness in the larger man -- NO! Greenspear nearly took
his head off with that clothesline -- and now Banyard's
climbing Mt. Greenspear without a safety line!
[Marone]: Actually, I think his safest line right now
might be "Please don't drop me" ...
[Escobar]: No such luck, as Greenspear sends him crashing
to the canvas ... and he makes the tag to Sam!
{Richards whips Banyard into the turnbuckle, then charges after,
and delivers a monkey flip ... he climbs to the top, and comes
off with a high-elevation leg drop, before wrapping up the
thoroughly-disoriented Banyard in a figure-four ...}
[Escobar]: Banyard in trouble in the corner -- and in
trouble OUT of the corner, as Richards with a textbook
monkey flip ...
[Marone]: Y'know, that name sounds kinda mean to me. Did
people really go around flippin' monkeys at one time?
[Escobar]: Richards off the top, and NAILS Banyard with the
leg ... and he's got the figure-four on! Flapjack crashes
into the ring, but Greenspear's met him head-on-- CASTIGO
tilt-a-whirl, and Flapjack will not be making any
significant contributions for the rest of THIS match!
[Swayze]: As opposed to all those crushing moves he laid on
the 'Guard before?
[Escobar]: Banyard's had enough, Tom Newman's seen enough,
and he's calling for the bell!
[Rod Allen]
Your winners, via submission ... Rich Greenspear and Samuel
Richards ... the HONOR GUARD!!!
[Escobar]: And there certainly isn't any ring rust on the
part of these two! Let's go to Trinity Saunders, and see if
she can get some commentary ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
[Trinity Saunders]
Rich, Sam ... what are --
[Rich]
{taking the microphone out of Trinity's hands} I've vaited, and
vaited, and I'm not going to vait any more! There are certain
things that --
[Sam]
Rich ... this is not the time to be talking about this. Remember
what we talked about. You have to be patient with this. There are
more important things to be worrying about.
[Rich]
You did not have to live with the indignity of--
[Sam]
No, that's right, but the right time will come. Be patient.
Intensity, we heard what you said earlier, and we appreciate the
compliments. We accept your challenge, and hope we have a good
match.
[Rich]
I vant the match now!
[Sam]
Rich ... you beat him. Remember? Why must you be so impatient?
[Rich]
Because he is another example of a wrestler that says he has
changed, but he hasn't. He still yells and yells and still gives
me headaches, and just because he is with a new tag partner
doesn't mean anything. He was the one that--
[Sam]
Thanks, Trinity. Sorry about Rich taking the mic out of your
hands. He gets hotheaded sometime.
[Rich]
Yes, sorry.
{Rich can be heard asking Sam "Why must we wait?" as they walk
out of camera view.}
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Can the Scarecrow scare Joe?
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Best Buy has all the best new albums, including
Everclear's "So Much For the Afterglow" ... Do you have what it
takes to be a professional wrestler? Call the AWI Launchpad at
1-888-555-BELT and find out ... Dial 10-10-321 for long-distance
phone calls, and you'll have sore fingers and a couple more cents
in your pocket ...
=================================================================
>>SNIPER'S NEST<<
{The set has been refurnished a bit unusually ... It has a
late-night talk-show-esque set-up, a desk with a chair behind
next to a sofa set on a slight angle. The wall behind is covered
with medals, fencing blades, the French flag and a uncomfortably
large picture of Stefan Schriber. "Anything Can Happen" by Wyclef
Jean begins to play and ...}
[Announcer (clearly American)]
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever episode of
"Riposte!" Now, here's your host, the world's greatest
athlete, the world's greatest fencer, the world's greatest
wrestler, beloved by millions ... of Frenchmen, who are
infinitely superior to any of you stupid Americans ...
STEFAN SCHRIBER!!! {under his breath} I need to get a new
job ...
{Stefan enters the stage area to canned cheers and live boos. He
waves to the audience and the music fades out}
[Stefan Schriber]
Thunk yeu very mach mestair STUUPID Americahn anowncer boye! Eets
too bad that yeu ahr Americahn, or yeu maht hav acshuly don a gud
job! And hello to the thousahns of mah fahns en attehdahce and the
miyons washeng at hohm! Eets so nahs to be bahk on Eh Dohbal Yeu
Aye tehlehveseohn!
[Escobar]: An excellent time to point out that the views of
Stefan Schriber are not necessarily shared by anyone on
this broadcasting team, or anyone else affiliated with the
AWI ... or anyone anywhere else in the galaxy.
[Stefan Schriber]
Yeu no, ohvah the pahst week Ah've been getteng non-stup mahl from
mah miyons of fahs askeng "Stefan, wha wehn't yeu on Eh Dohbal Yeu
Aye tehlehveseohn lahst week? The sho wasen't the same wethout
yeu!"
[Marone]: He's not kidding. My digestion was a LOT better last
week.
[Schriber]
Well of cohs et wasen't the same. Eet was feeld weth STUUPID
Americahns and no Frenchmen aht oll! How cood that evohn compahr to
the altehrnahtev!
[Escobar]: You suppose he'll give us an extended chance to
find out?
[Swayze]: I don't believe you guys ... the man tries to share
a little culture, and you rain all over him ... it's no
wonder everybody hates America.
[Schriber]
Bot, of cohs, Ah'll anser the qweston this week. Yeu see, ther wahs
ah clerecal prohblem en the Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye frohnt ofece and mah
ween ovehr Greyg Gahdnehr was recohded as a los! Evedentle, the
rahnkengs comeetee deden't see that Aye puut mah fuut on the rohps en
tahm to brahk the peenfah then wahch Greyg Gahdnehr get cowntehd out!
Aye, of cohs, was smaht enof to wayet en the reng onteel the mahch was
ohvehr beyfore Aye had to sho that STUUPID Americahn Zhack Fyoree how
to proparele delivehr a beetdown!
[Escobar]: WHAT?! Just what planet did he dream THAT up on?
[Marone]: France. He comes from France.
[Schriber]
But, the rahnkengs commeetee es made ohp of STUUPID Americahns ahnd
deed noht chahnge the rehsult. So Ahy eencorage ahl of yeu, mah fans,
to riht lehtehrs of protehst to the STUUPID rahnkends comeetee en
protehst! WE WEEL NOHT TAKE THEES OBSENETEE SEETENG DOHN!!!
{Stefan proceeds to walk behind the desk, sit down in his chair, and
turns to the camera}
[Marone]: Didn't he just say he /wasn't/ gonna sit down?
[Stefan Schriber]
Mah ferst gest tohnaht ees a STUUPID Americahn who has the WOHRST
reycahrd of aynee Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye STUUPID Americahn sewpairsahr,
Zhack Rowbaretsohn!
{"Back in Black" by ACDC kicks in as Jack enters the converted
interview spot to a decent chorus of cheers. He waves at the fans and
sits down on the sofa}
{Stefan Schriber]
Wehlcom STUUPID Americahn Zhack Rowbaretsohn! 'owevehr, where es
STUUPID Americahn Ehd Cahr?
[Jack Robertson]
What? Ed? Oh, he's still in the back.
[Stefan Schriber]
But et has seemed sence yeu cahm back to the Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye
that yeu cahnnot leev hees sahde!
[Jack Robertson]
Umm ... oh, well, you see unlike Robbie's goons none of us need
someone to think for us, be he a pimply faced loser who lives
with his mom and knows just a little bit too much about the inner
workings of fast food restaurants or the guy who trained said
pimply faced loser.
[Stefan Schriber]
Aye had assyeumed yeu wehr sleepeeng tohgethare ohr sumtheeng.
Ehneywahys, wehn ahr yeu goeng to get out of the shato of your
bothehr Zhon?
[Jack Robertson]
{Stares blankly at him for a moment} I'm sorry, I can't understand
a damned word you're saying.
[Stefan Schriber]
Wohnce ahgain proveng yeu ahr a STUUPID Americahn. So Zhack, et
es obvios that yeu ahr afrayed to stehp en the rheeng agahn. Wehn
ahr yeu goeng to ovehrcom this fehr?
[Jack Robertson]
Hunh?
[Stefan Schriber]
WEHN AHR YEU GOENG TO REYSALE AHGAHN YEU STUUPID AMERICAHN?!?!?!
[Jack Robertson]
Oh, well, you see the AWI had some clerical paperwork problems so
my debut was delayed, but I'm happy to announce that it's been
taken care of and I should be wrestling again within the next
couple of weeks. I'm also officially declaring an open contract--
anyone, any time, any place.
[Stefan Schriber]
Thank yeu Zhack fohr that eenterview ahs eentelegent ahs yeu ahr
yeu STUUPID Americhan.
[Jack Robertson]
Ok, look froggie, you need you learn to speak English. Can you say
English? Well, no, I doubt that ... how about we try something
easier. How about France? Can you say France? How about blows? Now
try and put them together, France blows. Come on, you can do it.
[Stefan Schriber]
AYE SAHD LEEV YEU STUUPID AMERICAHN! THEES ES NOHT YEUR STUUPID
ZHERRY SPREENGER!
[Jack Robertson]
Gladly ... {gets up, begins to walk out, under his breath} never
doing that interview again.
[Stefan Schriber]
Nohw fohr mah fahnahl thot! Yeu ahr ahl STUUPID Americahns! Thank
yeu, gud naht!
[Escobar]: If the AWI thinks we're going to put up with
THAT every week ...
[Marone]: We'll probably get used to it ... and next week
I'll bring tomatoes.
[Swayze]: Hey, good idea! Bring a few for me!
[Escobar]: I thought you liked Schriber, god knows why ...
[Swayze]: What does that have to do with Marone scoring
us some redheads?
[Escobar]: {long pause} Before I risk delving any deeper
into what's supposed to be your thoughts, I think we'll
head to Chad Duncan, with words from Looking For A
Fight. Chad?
=================================================================
{Cut to locker room, where Chad Duncan is standing by; Joe Walker
is sitting on a stool near him, wrapping his hands in athletic
tape.}
[Chad Duncan]
I'm here with Joe Walker and {he cranes his neck around off
camera, following some motion} Steve the Insane ... Joe, do you
two have any comments on your match -- or, perhaps, match*es* --
tonight?
[Joe Walker]
{looking up} Yes, Chad, I do. You know, normally I let Steve
here do the talking -- because A, he's had more practice at it
than me, and B, because when I get talking, I tend to get a
little hypertension, if you know what I mean.
But tonight, tonight I just have to say some things. First of
all, to Robbie Stevens ... as you said, it wasn't too long ago
that you were a young punk getting smeared across the mat,
instead of a rich punk with hired goons to keep you from getting
smeared across the mat. So you might not remember the Enterprise
days, when a guy by the name of Tatsu squeaked by me and took
the Television title with him -- the same TV title, on
paper, that you sling around your shoulder every appearance.
Since then, I've had my chance at that brass ring time and again
-- and it keeps just slipping by. I'm not what you'd call a shy
man, Robbie -- I think I could go ten rounds with Mr. Ken
Mischief, or give Old Man Straite a run for his money, or walk
into the ring with Steve and show Intensive Care the kind of
beating they seem to be begging for all the time, and I'm not
afraid to say so. But that TV title of yours ... that's more
than just a belt to me. That's more than just a token trophy.
So what I'm saying, Robbie, is that {standing up} you're
DAMN RIGHT WE HAVE A MATCH TONIGHT!!! Anywhere, anyhow, you just
give the word and I will kick your yellow-striped butt like
clockwork. In the ring, outside in the parking lot, riding a
semitrailer down Route 66, strap on a set of SCUBA tanks and fight
out a Jacques Cousteau death match -- I don't really care, as long
as you bring that shiny belt of yours with it. And you better
believe it's going to be just you and me, because Steve is feeling
particularly insane tonight, and that means death on a cracker for
any of your yahoos dumb enough to stick their business in our
business.
{Steve the Insane enters the camera range. Wearing a New England
Patriots jersey along with his usual jeans and combat boots, he
does not look overly happy.}
[Steve]
This just has not been a good couple of weeks for me. First, the
Mets miss the playoffs by one lousy game -- but that's OK,
they'll get 'em next year. Then, there was Monday Night Football
-- OK, we'll give the Jets that one, but there's a rematch the
end of the season.
So, obviously I have a little stress to work out ... and no one
wants to play!! That kid Weasle and Dougie seem to have
disappeared, Kim and Jill have been hiding ...
[Walker]
{snorts} Don't worry, buddy, they can't lay low forever. They're
like whales -- eventually, they have to surface for airtime.
[Steve]
Joe has two matches and I don't have any. It's Joe /AND STEVE/
that are Looking For a Fight, not just Joe. It's just not fair
... what about me?!?! What about Steve?!?!? {This draws a groan
from Joe.} I mean, when the Tigerman was around I never had this
problem ... I had all kinds of playmates then. I'll settle for
anything ... heck, I'll even fight Chad Swayze, Digger Douglas,
the Grey Guardians ... Stefan Schriber ... anyone at all ...
{to Joe} Maybe I want it too much?
=================================================================
>>RING<<
[Swayze]: I can't decide who's crazier: Joe, for actually
WANTING to face Robbie tonight, or Steve for being
JEALOUS-- not to mention thinkin' I'd get in the ring with
that loonie!
[Marone]: But you WERE in the ring with him -- or is that
part of the amnesia?
[Swayze]: Sure, ADD to the trauma, man ... when my big-time
lawyers get the call to sue the pants off those two jokers,
guess who's gettin' added in for "additional mental
cruelty"?
[Marone]: I find juries respond well to me.
[Escobar]: You're joking.
[Marone]: Well, actually, it's more that they /don't/
respond well to having their socks pulled up over their
heads. It's cheaper than hirin' a lawyer.
[Escobar]: You might want to think twice, Chad ... and
speaking of thinking twice, Joe's about to run out of
chances to change his mind ...
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, our next bout tonight is set for one fall,
with a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, weighing
in at 278 pounds ... hailing from the city of Denver,
Colorado, and accompanied tonight by Steve the Insane ...
{The crowds begin to cheer as "Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's Theme)"
cues on the PA.}
[Rod Allen]
... JOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE WALKER!!!
>>AISLE<<
{Joe Walker jogs down to the ring, pausing to slap hands or
bounce fists with various fans on the way; Steve follows close
behind, the enthusiasm of the crowd perhaps countering his sour
mood ... slightly. He reaches the ring and steps inside.}
[Rod Allen]
AND ... his opponent tonight ...
{The trilling notes of Mussogorsky's "Night on Bald Mountain"
herald Bad Things To Come, and the boos which accompany it can
only be expected.}
[Rod Allen]
... from Sleepy Hollow, Virginia, weighing in at two hundred and
seventy-two pounds ... THE SCARECROW ... DOMINIC NIGHTSHADE!!!
>>AISLE<<
{A trio of nondescript men dressed in drab clothing file down the
aisle, dragging and pushing an old wooden cart adorned with
straw and pumpkins, in the center of which is a stake and
crossbar upon which the Scarecrow hangs from, convincingly
immobile until they reach the ringside -- at which point he
'animates', hopping off the bar and stepping into the ring with
deliberated slowness. As he enters the ring, Steve the Insane
climbs the corner steps, and he bounces fists with Joe.}
[Escobar]: One must say, Joe Walker has the heart of lion,
but that may not be enough tonight -- Robbie Stevens alone
is a challenge, if only for his wealth of dirty tricks and
co-perpetrators--
[Swayze]: Hey, Justino, what's with all the riders and
clarifications! This isn't a courtroom -- just say he can't
beat Robbie, and leave it at that!
[Escobar]: --but to even reach Robbie Stevens and that
Television title match, he has to endure this newcomer
Dominic Nightshade ... whose reckless, sadistic nature
we've already been subjected to over the past few weeks.
{Dominic opens with a kick to the midsection, but Joe blocks the
kick and counters with a punch to the jaw. He whips Nightshade to
the ropes; Dominic ducks a second punch, and scoops him up for a
bodyslam.}
[Swayze]: You don't need to insult the man, Justino -- he
just likes finishing the job he's started, that's all!
[Marone]: Yeah ... besides which, he might hear you and
come up here.
{Nightshade stomps at the mat, but Joe rolls aside, then
legsweeps him off his feet. Walker rolls to his knees, and
applies a shoulder claw.}
[Escobar]: Joe Walker chooses to slow the pace of the
match for the moment ... really, there seems to be no end
to the gall of Robbie Stevens. He wins the title to begin
with from one of his own men -- not the most threatening
match of his career, I should say -- and then spends as
much time as possible making excuses and otherwise slipping
out of actually defending it ...
[Swayze]: What? Didn't you hear the man? Nobody WANTS him
to defend it, Escobo!
{Dominic exerts himself to return to his feet, then breaks the
hold with a kick below the belt.}
[Swayze]: This was a clear-cut case of collusion, bay-bee
-- every so-called man in the AWI so fears the Wicked
Awesome, they all agreed not to sign against him, so they
could BLACKBALL him into getting stripped of the title!
{He whips Joe into the corner, then smashes his head into the
turnbuckle.}
[Swayze]: The fans are just lucky that Clueless Joe here
has been smacked on the head so many times ... like that
... that he couldn't remember why he shouldn't break the
picket line. Now he's in for THREE beatings -- one from
Dominic here, one from the Most Feared Foot in Wrestling,
and one from the AWI lockers for busting up their little
scheme!
{He attempts to scoop Joe up for another bodyslam, but Joe blocks
the lift and proceeds to bodyslam Dominic.}
[Escobar]: I think you may be underselling Joe Walker's
skills, both in and out of the arena-- and maybe so has the
Scarecrow!
[Marone]: Well, that wouldn--hey, wait a minute ... look
over there!
{The camera cuts to Marone's pointing, where a man sits, watching
the match intently about 4 rows back ...}
[Escobar]: One of the many fine AWI fans enjoying this
well-contested match ... so?
[Marone]: That's no fan! I know that guy!
[Swayze]: Oh, great -- now he's flippin' out on us,
Justino ...
[Marone]: I'm tellin' you, I was tusslin' with that guy
not too long ago! What the heck is he doing here!
[Escobar]: Apparently just watching ... I think you may
be mistaken, Mike.
[Marone]: {grumbling} waxed me something good, I'm tellin'
you ...
{Joe follows the slam with an axe kick, then pulls Dominic back
to his feet. He throws a body blow, followed by a backspin elbow
shot; he then whips Nightshade into the ropes. Joe throws another
punch which Dominic ducks, but Walker quickly spins around and
clotheslines him as he's rebounding off the near ropes, sending
him over the top.}
[Escobar]: Walker now unloading a strong combination ...
Dominic seems to have second guess--WHOA! Scarecrow over
the top rope, and looking none too happy about it!
[Swayze]: Of course he is! You can't just knock someone
out of the ring like that -- it's against the rules!
[Marone]: It is? You're making that up ...
[Escobar]: Well, it is technically bending the letter of
the rulebook -- but Dominic Nightshade is hardly one to be
complaining in that regard ...
[Swayze]: Hey, since when has Dominic ever bent the rules?
[Marone]: What day is it?
{Nightshade slides underneath the ring apron as Joe roars to the
crowd for a bit; Walker climbs out of the ring and hops off the
apron, as Dominic reappears, carrying a board which he does his
best to break over Joe's head.}
[Escobar]: Dominic's back -- and he's got ... it looks
like an old wooden board, maybe from a collapsed barn or
something ...
[Swayze]: BAM! He just used it to collapse Joe there to
match!
[Marone]: I'm guessing this is bending the letter of the
rulebook, too.
{Dominic picks up the fallen Joe, and scoops him up to drop
backfirst on the ringside railing.}
[Marone]: It's also bending a few bones ...
[Swayze]: You said it! NOW we've got a MATCH, bay-bee!
{He then drags Joe over to the ring corner, bends him down, and
powerbombs him onto the ring steps.}
[Escobar]: What we have is another example of the
Scarecrow's excesses in brutality -- he obviously wants
to make an example of Joe Walker, as he did Frederick
Holland last week!
{Dominic rolls Joe back into the ring, and follows after; dragging
Joe back to his feet, he knocks Walker back down with a shortarm
clothesline.}
[Escobar]: Dominic Nightshade finally seems satisfied with
his atrocity quotient for the moment, returning to more
reasonable tactics ...
[Swayze]: "For the moment" -- so much hope in so few words ...
[Marone]: Such as, "Chad's talking, for the moment" ... hey,
yeah, it really works! 'Cuz like, you'll STOP talking
eventually, right?
[Swayze]: Can you go back in time and have your mom drop you
on your head a few more times? I think she may have missed
a few brain cells.
[Marone]: Hey, leave my ma out of this!
[Escobar]: I can imagine how offended she might be.
[Marone]: Oh, it's not that--she thinks I'm in banking or
something, and her friends might watch the show.
{Dominic pulls up Joe again, and whips him to the ropes. Joe
returns with a backspin punch that knocks Nightshade down, the
effort of which also drops Joe to his knees, clutching his back.}
[Swayze]: Hey, you know, Joe ought to thank Dominic -- he's
increasing his resale value.
[Escobar]: Chad, you are making NO sense this time--
{By the time Joe gets back to his feet, Dominic is up again; Joe
rectifies that situation with a crescent kick.}
[Swayze]: No, no, follow me here -- see, by the time this
match is over, Joe can dump his spring water contract and
step up to promoting Doan's pills!
{Joe takes a brief rest, letting Dominic return to his feet again,
then whips him to the ropes; Nightshade leapfrogs a back drop
attempt, spins Joe around, and scoops him over into a powerslam.}
[Escobar]: BIG reversal by Scarecrow, and Joe looks
severely drained ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, he's running on empty, bay-bee ... I'd
have said, "running on fumes", only I don't want to ruin
his chances to do Right Guard commercials, too.
{He stands back to his feet, pulling Joe up with him, then
hoists Joe into a delayed piledriver.}
[Escobar]: Please, Chad, at least *pretend* to have a
sense of decency ...
[Marone]: It's like smell, only harder.
{Dominic pulls Joe back up by his hair, then whips him into the
ropes; as Joe returns, he catches Dominic and passes on his
momentum with an irish whip of his own. Dominic rebounds, and Joe
scoops him up for a tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop.}
[Escobar]: Ola! Joe Walker with a tilt-a-whirl surprise for
the Scarecrow!
[Marone]: WOOHOO! I love that move! It's like that ride at
the amusement park ... what's it called ...
[Escobar]: Uh, the tilt-a--
[Marone]: Yeah, that's it! The merry-go-round! MERRY GO ROUND
HIM AGAIN, JOE!
{Mike's due for disappointment, as Joe instead opts to lock on a
shoulder claw/armbar combination. Dominic drags himself over to
the ropes, and the referee calls for a break. Both men return to
their feet; Joe unloads with a thrust kick that knocks Dominic
over the top rope.}
[Escobar]: Curtis Keyes keeping things legal-- and THERE GOES
THE SCARECROW!
[Swayze]: GEEZ! Is this guy dain-bramaged or WHAT? Last time
he put Nightshade out of the ring, the Halloween Man there
just about put the palooka out of this mortal coil, baby!
(*pause*) Not that I'm complaining ... this is one rerun I
can watch again.
{Joe slides under the ropes and out of the ring, stalking after
Dominic. He grabs Nightshade and whips him into the pumpkin cart.}
[Escobar]: I think Joe is set on rewriting the script this
time, Chad ...
[Swayze]: CHANGE THE CHANNELS, QUICK! I can't watch!
{Joe moves in, scooping up Dominic for a pumphandle slam onto the
cart -- bad for Nightshade, worse for the pumpkins.}
[Escobar]: ... and the Scarecrow gets a little taste of his
own medicine tonight!
[Swayze]: I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Marone]: Not on this side of the table, man! Head to the
locker rooms or something.
{Joe drags up Nightshade and rolls him into the ring, and slides
in again himself. As Dominic gets up, Joe whips him into the
ropes, and catches him with another tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic
drop.}
[Marone]: Man, I feel like a kid again watching this ...
{Joe doesn't hesitate, pulling Dominic up quickly, then felling
him with a heart punch. He then makes a cover.}
[Escobar]: Walker delivers a potential finishing blow, and
makes the cover ... one! Two! THREE!!! Nightshade JUST
missed getting his shoulder up on that one ... but Walker
escapes, to meet his destiny in the main event!
[Swayze]: You'd think the yellowback would shake hands with
Nightshade after the match, but nooooo -- run to the locker
rooms, Jittery Joe!
[Marone]: You don't suppose it could have anything to do
with "I'll use your head for a Joe-o-Lantern", do you?
=================================================================
{The screen cuts to an image of a pair of crash-test dummies
fitted with tights in a mock-wrestling ring; they are driven
together by motorized pistons, colliding in the center of the
ring with a CGI explosion that fades to reveal the "GM" logo in
the background, with the words "General Motors CRASH TEST!"
superimposed over it ... it then splits apart, opening like
doors to show slow motion footage of Dominic Nightshade hitting
Joe with an on-the-railing backbreaker.}
[Escobar]: Whatever the case, both of these two men have
become part of this week's General Motors Crash Test!
Dominic Nightshade did his best to make tonight a virtual
horrorshow for Joe Walker with brutal moves like this ...
{"Pixel fades" to a slow-motion scene of Joe Walker scoring with
the heart punch.}
[Escobar]: ... but Joe Walker dished out as much as he
took, and walked away a winner. That's damage! That's
impact! That's the General Motors Crash Test! And the
kind folks at General Motors would like to remind
everyone watching, that seat belts save lives, so
buckle up!
=================================================================
>>PRESS TABLE<<
[Escobar]
While Nightshade heads to the back to ponder his next creepy
display, and Walker prepares to face the Television champion, Rod
Allen is ready to bring us something a bit less unsettling, after
these messages ...
=================================================================
{The full moon shines down on a graveyard scene, through which
the camera sinks to ground level. The sounds of a digging shovel
can be heard, and soon we see its source: an old fashioned
undertaker or sexton, dressed in battered top hat and tails, with
unhealthy pale skin and a frazzled shadow of a beard. He's
apparently digging a fresh grave. He begins to speak to the
camera in a broken pitched voice.}
[Sexton]
Big night's coming up fast ... time catches up with us all, you
see, and these here 'superstars' are no exception.
{He begins walking along a line of open graves, and the camera
again cuts close to the ground, allowing us to read the names
inscribed on them as he says them.}
[Sexton]: the "Wrestling Expert" Ed Carr ... the "War
Machine" Greg Gardner ... the Master of the Northern Lights
Suplex, Maurice Jackson ... good Reverend Jeremiah James ...
Jayson "Fury" Michaels, of Intensity ... the "Scarecrow",
Dominic Nightshade -- I do like that boy ... Oracle ...
Robbie Stevens ...
{The camera pulls back up to show even more graves left open.}
[Sexton]
... and at least eight more of the AWI's favorite sons, all going
to step into one ring ... all looking to be the last man left
standing, and score the Devil's Deal -- ANY contract he wants to
sign his name to, no questions asked. THAT man won't be needing
one of my beauties here ... {close up on his eerily grinning
face} ... but there's never any shortage of replacements ...
{He breaks into rather disturbing laughter, as the camera fades
to black, then the logo below "burns" its way into view.}
#################################################################
1 6+ M E N . . . 4 R I N G S . . . 1 S U R V I V O R
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W H O W I L L S T E A L T H E D E V I L ' S D E A L ?
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O C T O B E R 3 0 B O S T O N, M A
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[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen ... it's time, once again, for this week's
edition of STRAITE TALK!!! Your special /GUEST/ host ... "THE
AWESOME ONE" KERRY MASTERS!!!
{The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones "Rascal King" plays for about
three seconds, then comes to a scratching halt as "Gett Off" by
Prince and the N.P.G. keys up the arrival of "The Awesome One"
Kerry Masters ... the crowd stops for a minute at the halt, then
begins again with the cheers ... TAOKM has on an Orlando Magic
jogging suit as he makes his way to the set.}
[Swayze]: Kerry Masters AND Straite Talk? Oh, no -- they've
INCORPORATED! It's a windbag CO-OP! This could be the end
of televised wrestling!
[Kerry Masters]
Thank you ... thank you ... and welcome to Straite Talk ...
Jerry's been nice enough to lend me his show, since I have a
helluvalot to talk about this week, and most of it doesn't
concern me -- because, of course, I would never, EVER rant on
and on about myself -- so, without further ado ...
[Swayze]: You'll quit! Wonderful!
{A brief bit of "The Ballad of Dorothy Parker" by Prince begins
playing}
[Swayze]: I should BE so lucky ...
[Escobar]: Hush, Chad.
[Kerry Masters]
Off the bat, everyone's talking about Steve and Angela ... and
how Perfection's playing the mind games, and the accusations ...
and how Angela's a who-- ummm ... "gets around" ... blah blah
blah. Steve, quick piece of advice: Angela /IS/becoming a
weakness for ya, my man. You're falling for the mind games. The
whole scene with Chad Swayze last week proved it. You know you
could get fined -- or worse, or fired -- for that... and still
might! Now ... I don't know Angie that well ... and maybe there's
as much of a devil in her as there is an angel ... but Steve,
unless there was some grain of truth to what they're saying, who
cares about what Chad, Kim, Jill, or anyone else says!?! Take it
from someone that regularly played the mind games -- don't fall
for this one.
[Swayze]: Yeah, yeah, yeah -- he's just trying to throw up
a smokescreen so Angela doesn't get caught with HIM ...
[Marone]: Man, you really DON'T remember last week, do you?
[Kerry Masters]
What else am I missing ... oh, yeah ... the many tortures of Ed
Carr. Ed has got to be the most tortured man in the AWI. I mean
... {reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag. He digs into
the bag, and pulls out a bundle of walnuts hanging from a string}
he has Dave Hatfield coming out, and making an ass out of himself
in an effort to embarrass Ed {takes one side of the bundle in his
left hand}, and he has Robbie Stevens trying to discredit him as
a wrestler and as a man {drops the string and grabs the other
side of the bundle}. Or, to put it in a way that uses my visual
aid, he has Dave pulling on the left nut {pulls on the left
side}, and Robbie pulling on the right nut {pulls on the right
side}.
Well ... noone knows this ... but me and Ed go back ... when I
was starting out in Florida, he helped me get my interviewing
together ... so you can kinda say he helped me learn how to talk.
{Looks at his watch} It's obvious he never got around to teaching
me how to stop ... but you did help out a youngster back then ...
so, anytime you need someone to help you when "Captain Redneck"
Dave Hatfield or Team Stevens start pulling too hard, I've got
your back.
[Swayze]: That's good -- after the Tank powdered HIS, he
needs a replacement back.
[Kerry Masters]
And speaking of the Peanut Gallery ... I have to say ... you guys
did a pretty good job last week. That makes, what... two weeks in
a row I came out and did the incredible, and two weeks in a row
the Peanut Gallery come out to jump me. Well ... Jump me once,
shame on you. Jump me twice, shame on me. Jump me three time ...
no. Not happening. I'm not that stupid. It's not like there's a
lot left for me to do to prove that I'm your better. The Tank
tapped out... oh, and Bradley -- DID IT HURT... and as far as
Joey goes... well, you say I'm jealous because I just can't dress
as well as you do... and, hey maybe you do. But you know ...
during the times when it REALLY matters ... {A bit of "Darlin'
Nikki" by Prince and The Revolution plays, and TAOKM takes off
the jogging suit top in a bit of a striptease and a cheer from
the women in the audience} I'm told I look better without the
clothes than with.
[Swayze]: Spare us, God, please, spare us ...
[Marone]: You know, Chad, somehow I don't think that was
aimed at you, anyways.
[Kerry Masters]
So, there seems to be only one thing left, right? Why don't we
hook up in a situation where you CAN'T jump me ... in a tag team
match. I'm callin' you out ... Danse Macabre ... the Tank ...
Smilin' Joey ... The Epitome Of What Everyone Wants to Be ... oh
... and the only guy around that could deal with listening to me
for this long ... for the North American Tag Titles ... and who
would my partner be ... The one ... the only ... the REAL LIVING
LEGEND OF THE AWI ... AND /YOUR/ NORTH AMERICAN HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION ... JERRY STRAITE!!!!
{Straite breaks through the curtains as "Rascal King" kicks up
again, and plays to the crowd as he makes his way to the ring.
He rolls in and catches the mic that Masters tossed to him.}
[JS]
{moving around quickly as he talks} AwwRIGGGHHHHTTTT!!!! Yes,
ladies and gennlemen ... the Awesome One has called upon the
services of the one and only Straite-Man of the AWI to deal with
that pile of pubescent pride, that gaggle of grinning geeks, that
flock {stops walking and shakes his head} no, let's not go there
...{starts moving again} that swarm of screw-ups that goes by the
name of Team Stevens. And of course, I *am* the perfect man to
handle those yahoos ... {leans into the camera} HEY ROBBIE, THE
STRAP MARKS HEAL YET?
Now, there's only one thing you gotta ask yourself ... when Jerry
Straite and Kerry Masters get a hold of those North American Tag
Team titles ... can anyone's interview time be safe?!??!? The
answer is pretty damn obvious ...
Tank ... Joey ... Robbie ... come Danse Macabre, you boys are
going to be saying bye-bye to those title belts--
[Voice over the PA]
ALL RIGHT ALREADY! WILL YOU SHUT UP!
{The crowd boos as Robbie Stevens walks from behind the curtain
with Tori Johannsen on a chain and starts walking down to
ringside. Unfortunately, he's got a live mic ...}
[Robbie]
I took Tori on a walk 45 minutes ago ... about the time you two
windbags started talking. Now I come back into the building and
you're *STILL* talking! Hey! We've got a show to run here. We've
got commercials to run. And more importantly, Joe Walker and I
have a match tonight and I'm not about to let you two use up all
the TV time so I can't defend the title!
{turns to a fan razzing him} Hey, keep America beautiful, don't
reproduce!
(to the ring) All these fans are sick of you. You've been given
the gong and how the hook's coming to make you two exit stage
right immediately. Now, I'm going to personally throw the both of
you out of my ring just like Roadhouse would toss you out of the
Double Deuce on a Friday night ...
[Escobar]: I don't believe this disp--LOOK OUT!
{Just as Straite seems fed up and ready to charge, Kerry turns,
apparently suspicious of something, as a pair of men charge into
the ring, one of them pausing to drop a bag in the corner ...}
[Escobar]: Agony & Ecstasy from behind with steel chairs!
Tank's tossed Jerry out of the ring, even as Kerry gets off
a thrust kick to stagger Joey Hasegawa back ... but now
he's facing both members of A&E, and unarmed -- and Bradley
DRILLS him with that chair! This is a disgrace! This is
sickening!
[Swayze]: This is my cue--{thump}
{The camera zooms to outside the ring, where Robbie and Tori have
Jerry wrapped up in Tori's "control chain" ... Swayze tosses
Robbie something, while the camera cuts back to the ring ... Tank
finishes a powerbomb on Kerry onto the chair, then Joey picks him
up and delivers an inverted atomic drop; the two then set Kerry
up top.}
[Escobar]: What did he -- those were HANDCUFFS! Robbie's
SHACKLING Jerry to the safety railing! And Agony & Ecstasy
are DEMOLISHING the Awesome One in the ring! This can't be
happening ... somebody has to stop this!
[Swayze]: Sorry, muchacho, but I don't see it happenin' ...
wrestlers tend to be 'locked in' to their pre-match
preparations, y'know? {snicker}
[Escobar]: Just what are you -- you know exactly what's
going on, don't you?
[Swayze]: Who, me? Nada, Escobo -- I'm just a humble
chronicler of the ages -- by the way, you don't want to
miss the super inverted drop coming up ...
{In fact, a super inverted atomic drop is delivered.}
[Escobar]: This is ... Steve, Joe, Ed -- SOMEBODY needs to
stop this!
[Marone]: I'm TRYING, I'm TRYING! We got too many people in
front of us!
{Joey heads to the opposite corner, "warms up" his posterior
against the turnbuckle, then nails Kerry (who has nowhere to go,
being held in the corner by Tank) with a handspring hip-check,
then parades in an arrogant catwalk strut.}
[Swayze]: You two are going bye-bye on us, man! Keep the
focus: we have a /show/ to do! Here, I'll take the play-by-
play ... Joey now to the opposite corner, where he gives
the ladies the kind of show a loser like Kerry only dreams
about ... he psychs himself up, the approach -- {gasp} a
perfect handspring -- and the Booty Call! A true work of
art, in devastating physical perfection! This calls for a
victory dance, and the Fashion Plate delivers that as well!
[Escobar]: Don't quit your day job-- and stop making a
mockery of this -- this is ... Joey now into that bag ...
he's putting a -- he's putting a fright wig and clown nose
on Masters! This is just too fa--HERE COMES THE CAVALRY!!
{The "cavalry" consists of Steve the Insane and Joe Walker,
carrying heavy bolt cutters, and scattering Robbie and Tori over
the rail ... they're followed right behind by the Honor Guard
and Karl von Eichmann ... by the time the fivesome hits the ring,
Kien Lun, Jack Robertson, and Ed Carr are running down the aisle
as well.}
[Escobar]: Team Stevens heads for the hills, every man or
Viking-maiden for themselves, as Kerry's motionless in the
ring ... Looking for a Fight putting those bolt-cutters to
use -- a second time, I suspect --while the others check on
Masters's condition ...
[Swayze]: "Even autumn's orange-fiery beauty falls to earth,
and the blazing sun e'er heeds the nightly call ..." Great
mash-note stuff, but it also means we can't see Kerry get
beat up forever, I guess.
[Escobar]: You're as bad as the rest of them ... I wish we
had something more uplifting to take you, ladies and
gentlemen, but we're going to Paul Stone, who's
apparently caught up with our mystery men from earlier ...
=================================================================
{A shaky camera view opens up on a dim hallway somewhere in the
Arena ... the two "Grey Guardians" from earlier are in front of
it, one standing impassionately in the back, the other pacing
anxiously in front of him ... as the camera zooms in and out a
bit wildly, the pair's attire is more closely visible: the pacing
one wears tattered blue jeans and an Ed Carr Wrestling Academy
t-shirt, while his partner wears workout pants and a black t-shirt
with a red circle & slash over the left breast ... a voice
familiar as Paul Stone's can be heard off screen ...}
[Stone]: Uh, is this what you guys wanted?
[Pacing Guardian]
Yeah, man -- you just keep that camera STEADY, and listen to
what we have to say!!!
[Stone]: Whatever you want--just don't hang yourselves or
hit me with a pumpkin or anything, OK?
[Pacing Guardian]
Huh? Hey, SHUT UP AND LET US TALK!!! Man, does that sound
familiar ... I'm so sick'a'people tellin' ME that ... "bring
that camera here" or "put that camera down" or "get outta my
face with that camera" or "where do you think YOU'RE going" ...
and all because I'm tryin' to do a simple stinkin' JOB!
{The "guardian" rips off the mask, revealing his face, not
surprisingly, as Charlie Hazard ...}
[Hazard]
CAN YOU SEE THIS, MR. CARR?!? Just because you stopped "teachin'"
me, DROPPED me like some sorta SNAKE or BUG or somethin', doesn't
mean I can't still learn from you ... pretty neat TRICK! I did
good, right? RIGHT?!
[Stone]: Hey, fooled me ...
[Hazard]
SHUT UP! You're a CAMERA JOCKEY now, big-mouth! That means you
ain't even a PERSON anymore -- ask any one of these big, bad
wrestler guys! I know a lot about bein' a nobody, too! Wasn't too
long ago, I was scrabblin' around in the gutter for my next meal
... I'd lost everything ... EVERYTHING, MAN! Y'UNNERSTAND?!
[Stone]: Uh, everything, got it.
[Hazard]
WHY DO YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING ME?!?! So there I am, no job, no
home, no family, NOTHIN'--and Mr. Carr comes along, gives me
somethin' I ain't had in a long time -- a reason to live ... I
woulda done anything for him, man -- YA HEAR, MR. CARR?! I'D'A
TAKEN A BULLET FOR YA!!! I'm bustin' my butt for him, breakin'
people's heads, breakin' my bones, me 'n' my friend are doin'
his dirty work ... 'n' all of a sudden, it's "You're on your
own, pal, I got other things" ... I DIDN'T HAVE NO OTHER THINGS,
MR. CARR!! ALL I HAD WAS THE GUTTER!!! WHERE WAS _I_ SUPPOSED TO
GO?!?
But I FOUND a place to go ... I told 'em over here, I'd do
anything-- hit me with chairs, put me through tables, pour gas
on me and light me up, I'm your man ... but they didn't want me
in the ring ... they said they needed a camera dude ... 'n' I
said, "hey, I'M a camera dude."
I thought it was gonna be GREAT ... I'd finally found somewhere
where I could just do my job and not have to worry about somebody
else ... but people kept YELLIN' at me, PUSHIN' ME AROUND, ACTIN'
LIKE I WASN'T EVEN THERE!!!
THAT'S when YOU guys came along, CHAOS BROTHERS!!! THAT WAS THE
LAST STRAW!!! You expect people to like you, but YOU TREATED ME
LIKE DIRT! Well, I DON'T CARE what the AWI wants anymore ... I
don't care what YOU WANT!! I'm gonna FIND a way to get past those
guys in the suits, to get in the ring, and MAKE YOU PAY! You think
I'd just stand and watch jokers like those Dyno-dudes get cheers
while all I got was pushed around? NO WAY! We HURT 'em! And me and
my friend, we're gonna hurt you bad, the way Mr. Carr hurt me, the
way YOU hurt me, the way all those fans who laughed at me and
cheered you hurt me ... OR I'M GONNA DIE TRYIN'!
=================================================================
>>RING<<
[Marone]: That man needs a hug.
[Escobar]: He needs more than that -- he needs long-term
psychological care!
[Marone]: OK, make it a bear hug.
[Swayze]: Well, don't look now, but his favorite wrestler
in the whoooole wide world's headed to ringside ... and
pretty soon, that wrestler's gonna be suplexed into next
week's show!
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen ... your next contest is set for one fall,
with a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, from the
city of Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred and
sixteen pounds ... the Wrestling Expert ... ED CARR!!!
>>AISLE<<
{"I'm No Angel" by Gregg Allmann cues up on the speakers, and
Ed Carr walks down the aisle, accompanied by "Dragonfire" Kien
Lun.}
[Rod Allen]
And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at two hundred and forty
pounds ... the Master of the Northern Lights Suplex ... MAURICE
JACKSON!!!
[Escobar]: This should be an interesting match tonight --
both Ed Carr and Maurice Jackson are proven scientific
wrestlers, and certainly neither one of them will be
holding back tonight.
{Maurice Jackson calls for a test of strength, which Ed Carr
accepts. Maurice gets the advantage, and twists Ed into an armbar
takedown. He quickly releases it, only to grab Carr with a front
facelock.}
[Escobar]: Maurice Jackson gains the early advantage in this
contest -- as I was saying, Jackson's mix of technical skill
and surprising strength could prove an interesting obstacle
for the Wrestling Expert.
[Swayze]: You're right, Justino, Mo-Jack here would be a
hard fight for even a real wrestling expert -- but he's not
facing Robbie tonight, he's facing Ed Carr. I give this
match 5 minutes.
{Shuffling sounds begin, and the camera quickly switches back to
the announce booth for a moment, as "Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston
has joined the team.}
[Johnston]: I think you discredit Ed Carr greatly in your
analysis, Chad. As Mr. Stevens has noted many times, the
front facelock is one of few moves Ed Carr is a veritable
master of ... no doubt he will not be a victim of it.
[Escobar] Ahh, fans, it would appear we've been joined here
by "The Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston ... to what do we owe
this pleasure?
[Johnston] As always, Justin ... staying three steps ahead
of the competition ...
[Swayze]: {muttering} OK, six minutes.
{Carr finally frees himself, putting Jackson in a front facelock
of his own. He pulls Jackson to his feet, then releases the hold
to move behind for a hammerlock. Cinching this, he adds a
crossface hold.}
[Escobar]: Ed Carr measures his pace here, keeping Jackson
immobilized ...
[Johnston] And proving Mr. Bonham's claim that the facelock
is the only hold Carr is proficient in ...
{Maurice breaks free, and Ed knocks him down with a drop kick. He
then locks on an Indian deathlock; he adds a front facelock to
this combination. Maurice reaches the ropes, and the referee
calls for the break; Ed releases the hold, then maneuvers behind
Maurice for a hammerlock.}
[Escobar]: Ed continues to keep Maurice off-balance -- and
catches him with a brutal leglock/facelock combo!
[Swayze]: It /would/ be brutal, Justino, if he wasn't so
close to the ropes.
[Johnston]: Yes ... Ed is disproving the statements made of
his lack of wrestling technique ... but he does lack the
ring generalship needed to keep Maurice apart from the
ropes.
[Escobar]: Referee Tom Newman indeed enforcing the break ...
{Maurice shakes off the hammerlock, makes a go-behind of his own,
and puts Ed in a hammerlock. Ed elbows his way out, then delivers
a forearm smash to knock Maurice back. He whips Jackson to the
ropes, but Jackson gets the jump on him with a side kick on the
return, then DDTs him. He locks an armbar on the mat.}
[Escobar]: Carr with another hold, but Jackson quickly out
... and returns the 'favor' to the Wrestling Expert!
[Johnston] Now, as opposed to Ed, who does possess
rudimentary mat technique, Maurice is proving to be the
"Wrestling Expert" in this match!
[Escobar]: Jackson into the ropes now--NO! Maurice stuns
Ed with a side kick -- and a DDT!
{Ed breaks out; Maurice pulls him up, whips him to the ropes,
and dropkicks him on the rebound. He pulls Ed to his feet again,
and squats slightly for a front waistlock, but Ed grabs his head
and DDTs him.}
[Escobar]: Ed favoring his arm as he escapes, and Maurice
exploits the opportunity to whip him into the ropes--
dropkick ... now they lock up again -- but Ed with a DDT
of his own!
{Both men get back to their feet; Ed whips Maurice to the ropes,
and nails a knee lift on the rebound that sends Maurice spinning
over to the mat. Ed climbs the turnbuckle, and falls back with a
rear elbow drop ... and then pats himself on the back.}
[Escobar]: Ed is now fully on the offensive! He's going up
top ... fallaway elbow! Heh--and a little
self-encouragement, or maybe a nod to other organizations?
[Johnston] Maurice Jackson is far too dangerous an opponent
for Ed Carr to take so lightly ... analysts may treat Ed
Carr as a "veteran", but he's showing his mere five years
in the sport now.
{He grabs Maurice by the leg, and spins into a figure 4 leglock.}
[Escobar]: Ed going for broke -- he's got it on! He's got
the figure-four on!
{Jackson gets a grip on the ropes, and Ed breaks the hold.
Standing up, he stomps at Maurice, but Maurice manages to get to
one knee and pull down Ed with a single-leg takedown. Ed kicks
Maurice away while lying down, then stands up and locks Jackson
into a bearhug.}
[Escobar]: Maurice might've dodged a bullet on that one,
as the referee breaks things up ... Ed moving in again,
but Jackson with a takedown ... Carr not letting up,
however.
{Maurice grabs Ed around the arms, and flexes backwards, sending
Carr into a vertical belly to belly suplex. He rests for a moment
on the mat, then picks up Ed and smacks him with a headbutt,
before whipping him into the ropes for a dropkick on the rebound.
Jackson then locks on an armbar.}
[Escobar]: FANTASTICO counter by Jackson!
[Johnston]: Again ... Ed Carr showing a disappointing lack
of strategy ...
[Swayze]: Speak for yourself, bay-bee -- no disappointment
in THIS seat ...
[Johnston]: {ignoring him} Maurice Jackson specializes in
maneuvers stemming from any sort of waistlock, so Ed is
foolish to invite Jackson into a waistlock...
[Escobar]: And Jackson with another dropkick ... and takes
things to the mat once more.
{Ed breaks out, and both men return to their feet. Maurice
gestures for another test of strength; Ed Carr tentatively
reaches up to accept it, but at the last moment darts behind,
and locks a sleephold on Maurice.}
[Escobar]: Hehheh ... Carr not ready to walk into the
lion's den twice without a plan, obviously.
{Maurice elbows out, then throws a side kick to the midsection;
he grabs Ed's head while he's stunned, and drops him with a
diamond cutter. He then locks on a grounded half nelson; he
twists Ed to one side, before slipping his other arm around to
cinch the full nelson.}
[Marone]: Ow -- my jaw hurts just watching that ...
[Escobar]: Jackson's all business, slapping on a
half-nelson ... into a full ...
{Maurice lifts Ed to his feet in the hold; Ed throws a rear kick
between the legs to break the hold, and attempts an irish whip,
but Maurice recovers quickly enough to reverse the whip, sending
Ed crashing into the corner. He hoists Ed into a fireman's carry,
then drops him ribs-first on one knee. Picking him up again,
Jackson whips Ed into the opposite turnbuckle.}
[Swayze]: Just look at this cold, calculated dominance,
Justino ... one step at a time, taking Ed apart piece by
piece, no mercy and no prisoners ... he's like a 50%
reduction copy of Tank ...
[Johnston] At the risk of offending, Chad, I'd say that
Mr. NLS is a more streamlined version of Tank Bradley.
NLS may not be able to tombstone War Machine from the top
rope -- MAY not -- but he brings an aerial and technical
aspect to the table that Tank hasn't developed ... YET.
[Swayze]: Sister, when the Tank needs to bring something
else to the table, he'll BREAK the table.
{Maurice charges into the corner after Ed, who ducks aside;
Jackson hits the turnbuckle, but shakes it off, and kicks Ed. As
Ed is recovering, Maurice grabs him around the arms, steps one
leg over the bottom rope to lock behind his other leg, and snaps
into a northern lights suplex.}
[Escobar]: The Master of the Northern Lights Suplex
delivers on his name -- but, not to his credit, adds an
unfair anchorpoint to this pinfall predicament! Newman
doesn't appear to see it, and makes the count anyhow-- One!
two! Thre-- no! Kien Lun forces Maurice off the ropes, and
Ed Carr makes the kickout!
[Swayze]: Now THAT'S unfair! It's one thing to bring out
his fanboys against the #1 man -- but Maurice doesn't have
anyone there to help HIM, huh?
[Johnston]: You are quite correct, Chad ... Kien Lun isn't
a licensed manager ... and it is time this situation was
corrected. {Sounds of shuffling as Alliyah leaves the table.}
{Both men return to their feet; Ed charges Maurice with a running
kneelift, as the referee jaws with Johnston, then calls Kien Lun
over ... a rather heated exchange takes place ...}
[Escobar]: I see NOTHING wrong with Lun breaking up such an
obviously illegal pinfall-- Ed Carr with a big takedown! Now
he's taking this match to a new level, literally ...
[Marone]: That would be the ground level.
[Swayze]: Oh, you're swift ... the IQ level at this table
dropped so far when the Mastermind left, there was a breeze
in its wake!
[Escobar]: Speaking of the Mastermind, she's apparently managed
to convince Tom Newman that Kien Lun is not authorized to be
at ringside! Now, how /she/ can be a ringside is beyond me--
[Swayze]: Escobo, THINK about it -- /she/ IS a licensed
manager! Dragonfall isn't! End of story!
[Escobar]: She's not MAURICE'S manager, though!
[Swayze]: You think Jackson'll argue for one little match?
{Ed Carr pulls Maurice into the corner and sits him on the top
rope; Jackson headbutts him, and pulls him up to stand on the top
rope, then throws him off with a super fishermanbuster.}
[Escobar]: Maurice recovers the advantage, and--CASTIGO!!!
This could be the last call for Ed Carr!
[Swayze]: I hope not -- I'd love to see Mo do that a couple
MORE times ... think he'd take a check?
[Escobar]: Maurice makes the cover ... one ... I DON'T
BELIEVE IT! Ed Carr kicks out!
{Maurice argues with the referee, then pulls Ed back up to
his feet with a disgusted expression, and scoops him up onto
one shoulder; Ed spins his legs over Jackson's head and locks them
around his arm, levering back into a crucifix roll.}
[Escobar]: Jackson can't believe it either--he seems
ready to change his opponent to Tom Newman ... Johnston
exhorting him not to take his attention from Carr!
[Marone]: Couldn't Ed loan HIS license to Kien for this
match?
[Escobar]: Uh, let me put it this way: would you want to
see a member of Team Stevens at all of Robbie's matches?
[Marone]: We do anyway.
[Escobar]: Touche ... FINALLY, Maurice sets back to work,
picking up Ed for a tombsto--no! Ed Carr puts his shoulders
to the mat! 1! 2! THR--NO!!! Maurice's foot on the ropes,
courtesy of Alliyah Johnston ... but Tom Newman saw it!
He's calling for the bell!
[Rod Allen]
Your winner, as a result of a DISQUALIFICATION ... "THE WRESTLING
EXPERT" ... EEEEED CARRRR!!!!!!
[Escobar]: And--OH COME ON--Maurice Jackson with a german
suplex to take Ed out from behind! He's not finished ...
he's taking him to the top rope ... Johnston's waving him
off, but he's not paying attention--I think he's going
to try a super northern lights! BUT HERE COMES KIEN LUN
AND JACK ROBERTSON!! Maurice and Alliyah both out of there,
but I think Ed Carr wishes this win had come easier!
[Swayze]: When you're as big a dope as the Edster, you
take 'em however they come -- and this one came CHEAP!
I'll bet he still has coupons for it!
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Joe goes for 2!
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Staying at a Holiday Inn Express won't make you
smarter, but you'll feel like it ... The horror! The terror!
Jennifer Hewitt doing karaoke! I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST
SUMMER ...
=================================================================
{Open in the locker rooms, with Toshiaki Hasegawa.}
[Hasegawa]
Did you /REALLY/ think we were gonna let you take up that much
TV time, Masters? Bribing your way to a victory over my man Tank
was bad enough ... but if you think I was gonna let you grab the
spotlight again ... a spotlight that belongs to Joey Hasegawa
and the rest of Team Stevens ... you were outta your mind.
Now, you wanna know what's up with the clown suit, right? Well,
it's simple - kinda like you Masters. See, you're nothing but a
joke around here. All your little catchphrases, all the "cool"
names for the moves, the grand entrance -- you're just a sideshow
attraction. All style -- {chuckling} well, as close to style as
you can get -- and no substance. I know I know I know -- you're
trying to be like Joey Hasegawa ... well, you forget, I combine
style /AND/ substance. The AWI already has the real deal Masters
-- it doesn't need some sideshow attraction wannabe. Maybe you'll
remember your place from now on.
{Hasegawa turns to enter the dressing room before pausing and
addressing the camera one last time.}
Oh, as for you Straite -- nothing personal Gramps; just hobble on
off to the Old and Useless Wrestlers home, and you won't get hurt
again.
=================================================================
>>PRESS TABLE<<
[Swayze]
Poetry, bay-bee ... {sniff} Sorta gets you ... right here {puts
hand over heart} ...
[Escobar]
I don't think I really need to say that I differ with you ...
Toshiaki Hasegawa apparently has had his fill of Kerry Masters
-- and yet he may have insured himself more Kerry than he can
handle ...
[Swayze]
Bring it on, bay-bee! Smilin' Joey can Booty Call his weight in
posers like Cryin' Kerry!
>>RING<<
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is an AWI Television
championship bout set for one fall, with a time limit of fifteen
minutes ... introducing first, the challenger ... from the city
of Denver, Colorado, weighing in at two-hundred and
seventy-eight pounds, he is accompanied to the ring tonight by
Steve the Insane ... JOE WALKER!!!
{The crowd is treated to a reprise of "Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's
Theme)" as Joe and Steve make their way down the ringside
again.}
[Rod Allen]
And his opponent tonight, the AWI Television champion ... from
East Rutherford, New Jersey, weighing in at two-hundred and
fifteen pounds ... ROBBIE STEVENS!!!
{The strains of "Burning Down the House" compete with the chorus
of boos and other verbal abuse that rain down from the stands, as
Robbie comes down to the ring.}
[Rod Allen]
Your referee for this match is Curtis Keyes.
{Joe opens with a windup punch. Robbie goes down, but quickly
gets back to his feet, obviously outraged; Joe smacks him with a
backspin fist that sends him down again. Joe dashes into the
ropes as Robbie gets up, and throws a clothesline, but Robbie
ducks and dropkicks Joe from behind. Joe hits the mat facefirst;
Robbie begins stomping on his back.}
[Escobar]: This is just *vicious* ... Robbie Stevens
certainly was watching Joe's match with the "Scarecrow"
VERY carefully tonight, and he's ready to capitalize on the
damage done before!
[Swayze]: You say that like it's a BAD thing, Justino --
this is what geniuses like my main man DO! It's called
playing the percentages, baybee!
{Robbie drops to one knee, and pulls Joe into a front facelock,
which he uses to drag him up to a kneeling position. Joe grabs
him around the waist, and picks him up, breaking the hold with
an inverted atomic drop.}
[Escobar]: Joe Walker out of Robbie's grip for the moment,
with a countermove that seems to have taken almost as much
out of him as Robbie ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, only Robbie's got so much more to START
with, Justino!
{Joe manages to return to his feet by the time Robbie is back up,
and he delivers a hard thrust kick to take Robbie back down. He
picks up Robbie and whips him into the ropes, cutting him off
with a roundhouse kick to the gut on the rebound. Robbie's
stunned for a moment, but he recovers quickly enough to jab Joe
in the eyes; he bounces off the ropes again, and dropkicks Joe in
the back.}
[Swayze]: This is going to be a great night in wrestling
history, Justino ... we already knew that Joe Walker was
spineless--
[Escobar]: Now, just a minute--
{Robbie delivers an exaggerated elbow drop to the small of the
back while Joe is down.}
[Swayze]: but after Robbie's done tonight, we can get
*medical certification* that he has no backbone! HAHAHAHA!
{Robbie grabs Joe in a front facelock, grinding it a couple of
times before dragging Joe back to his feet. Joe retaliates with
a gut punch that breaks the hold, then turns around to knock
down Robbie with a crescent kick. He rests for a moment, bending
over slightly and rubbing his back, as Robbie gets back to his
feet; closing in, he whips Robbie into the turnbuckle. Joe
charges in after him, but Robbie drops to a sitting position, and
Joe hits the turnbuckle himself.}
{Robbie pushes Joe back slightly, standing up, then adopts an
exaggerated karate pose for a long moment before delivering a
savate kick.}
[Escobar]: I think Robbie's convinced Joe's through--
[Swayze]: He will be after this-- BOOM! HAHA! The Wicked
Awesome Superkick takes another victim! The New Jersey Ninja
makes another brilliant title defense!
{Robbie covers Joe, but the referee breaks off before the count
as Joe slides a foot onto the ropes.}
[Swayze]: The wrestling fans fake another disappointment,
because they know Robbie's too modest that they'd embarrass
him with cheers!
[Marone]: Admit it -- you aren't even LOOKING at the ring
any more ...
{Robbie locks Joe into a half nelson hold, pulling him away from
the ropes; he then secures it into a cobra clutch.}
[Swayze]: I-- what? Oh, *I* see -- my man Robbie must have
decided that it'd too *easy* to put Joe down with the Wicked
Awesome ... he's gonna make sure the fans actually get to
WATCH something no matter HOW fast Joe throws in the towel.
What a showman, baybee!
[Marone]: Would that be him or you?
{Walker manages to leverage Robbie off balance, then slides him
up onto one shoulder; he falls forward, pulling Robbie over into
a vertical powerslam.}
[Escobar]: I think Joe Walker is a LONG way from throwing in
the towel tonight, Chad!
{Both men get to their feet; Joe scoops up Robbie and slams him
down. He follows this with an axe kick, then picks up Stevens and
decks him with a backspin punch.}
[Escobar]: As he and Steve are so fond of saying, Joe came
here tonight looking for a fight -- and he looks more than
happy to MAKE one!
{Joe whips Robbie into the ropes, and spins him around on the
rebound with a tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop. He drops to his
knees afterwards with a tired expression, then makes a "wear the
belt" gesture for the fans.}
[Escobar]: CASTIGO! Joe takes Robbie out for a spin, and he
seems ready to end this match!
[Swayze]: You mean, he IS going to throw in the towel,
right?
[Marone]: Maaaybe you should turn around for a few minutes.
{Joe drags Robbie back to his feet, and bends his arm behind his
head in preparation for the heart punch; Robbie manages a knee
lift to the groin to save himself.}
[Escobar]: Here's the finis-- NADA! Robbie keeps himself in
the game with a cheap shot below the belt!
[Swayze]: Hey, Escobo, the only belt that counts in THIS
match is the one Robbie brought to the ring!
{Robbie snares Joe in a front facelock, but Joe punches his way
free. He backs up a step, and knocks down Robbie with a windup
punch.}
[Escobar]: Joe Walker winds up all the way back to Colorado
... and knocks Robbie just about all the way back into New
Jersey!
{Joe pumps his arms for the crowd a little, then drags Robbie
back up, smacking him with a shortarm punch, then scoops him up
for a pumphandle slam. He falls back into the turnbuckle to rest
while Robbie gets up, then closes back in and whips Robbie into
the ropes; as Robbie crosses his path again, he scoops him up,
tilt-a-whirls him, then sets him back on his feet -- only to
knock him down with a thrust kick.}
[Marone]: WHOA! That was GREAT! That's why they always say,
nobody does it better!
[Swayze]: That's James BOND, furball!
{Joe drops to his knees, and locks on an armbar with shoulder
claw.}
[Marone]: Really? Man, it's so hard to keep up to date with
everything. What league is he in?
[Swayze]: Couldn't you go do something useful? Like start a
self-service bloodmobile?
{Robbie breaks free with a poke to the face, and gets up as Joe
recoils, rubbing his eyes.}
[Escobar]: Robbie again resorts to a flagrant violation of
all the rules of sportsmanship to save his skin ...
{Joe manages to shake off the daze before Robbie is fully up, and
grabs him around the back, lifting him up for a powerbomb that
lands headfirst instead.}
[Escobar]: ... but Joe seems more hot than hurt -- and he
drops Robbie with a Poppabomb!
[Swayze]: Oh, and stealing moves IS sportsmanship?
{Joe drags Robbie back up, and whips him to the ropes, catching
him with another tilt-a-whirl atomic drop. He does a goofy mime
of Robbie's characteristic karate pose, then pulls Robbie up and
sacks him with a heart punch.}
[Escobar]: Joe Walker showing off a little of his own
martial arts experience ... and he connects with a solid
heart punch! This could be for all the marbles -- ONE! TWO!
THREE!!! HE DID IT! WE HAVE A NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!!!
{Joe quickly rolls under the ropes and rendezvouses with Steve
outside the ring, grinning like a mad dog ... the eWI reporter
rolls in the ring, apparently to get a few close-up shots at
Robbie, but gets pushed in the corner for a confrontation before
the now ex-champ stalks off, yelling at everybody on the way.}
[Swayze]: This is highway robbery! Joe stole this match!
He'd never have won honestly!
[Escobar]: What ARE you talking about -- where in the
match was Joe /dis/honest?!?
[Swayze]: Right at the end! Everybody knows a SUPERKICK
follows a Jersey Judo Flash, not a heart punch! He lied
on national TV!
[Escobar]: That-- that's RIDICUL-- uh-oh ...
>>AISLE<<
{"Big Bad Lady" by the Lady Of Rage cues up, as Madeline
Freechild makes her way to ringside to a mixed crowd reaction.
She walks directly to the ring, without interacting with the
fans. She grabs a microphone on the announcer's desk.}
[Madeline Freechild]
Two shows ago I came out and started searching all over for
whoever this bi-- {ahem} woman ... is that's been coming out and
beating people up in my name. Now, I thought it would be pretty
easy, since there's not a lot of bodybuilding women in the back.
But apparently either she's the quickest chick in the world, or
whoever it was did the smart thing and ran off before I got to
her.
In the meantime, I'm watching the shows, and I see Angela Dante
out here saying what she's seeing is "interesting" ... Look,
Angie ... I don't know if you're all confused with Perfection
talking about you behind your back, and Doug Ambercrombie
talking behind your back, or this person or that person ... but
I'm not the one for talking behind someone's back ... either me
doing it, or someone else doing it.
So here's what we'll do ... "Crimson Freechild", or whoever the
hell you are ... I'm challenging you to come out next show and
face me woman to woman ... and same thing for you, Dante.
Anything you, or anyone else have to say, you can say it to my
face ...
{"Uninvited" by Alanis Morrisette suddenly kicks in over the PA
system and the lights dim a bit as spotlights shine onto the
doorway of the entrance ramp. Strangely enough, as the music
plays no one makes an entrance. As the crowd grows restless after
a few seconds of no-show, they suddenly pick up the pace a bit at
the sight of some confusion emanating from the crowd itself.}
[Swayze]: Loony-time, baybee -- seriously twisted femme at
10 o-clock!
{Sure enough the crowd is parting as a lone woman makes her way
to the ringside railing. As she steps over the rail we finally
get a good look at her. Clad in black jeans, boots, and a
sleeveless black T-shirt, she makes her way to the ring and
slides in under the bottom rope. Her face is painted with one
half black and the other half bright blue. With her hair hanging
in her face it's hard to tell who she might be. She waits near
the ropes with her hand open as a ringside attendant gives her a
mic and scuttles back.}
[Woman]
Say it to your face? I oughtta slap you in your face!
{A low rumble of tension traverses the crowd ... as the camera
zooms in, she becomes recognizable as ... Dacia Blackthorne?}
[Blackthorne]
I don't know what kinda game your playing missy, but you shoulda
played it with somebody else. Dacia Blackthorne's had enough of
this crap. And, yeah, it'll be interesting to see who this
*mystery* woman is next week so you can set her straight. Either
way though ... {Dacia leaves the ropes and joins Madeline near
the press booth.} ... SOMEBODY's gonna get set straight next
week. Cuz if your mystery woman doesn't show, you can bet your
bottom dollar I'll be the one setting people straight ... and I
don't have *ANY* problem starting with you!
[Madeline Freechild]
{Climbing into the ring and staring down Dacia} Look here, little
woman. I didn't jump you. If you need proof, well ... if the
Material Girl jumped you, your Scottish ass would still be in the
highlands trying to figure out if there would be only one!!! So
if you can't take me for my word ... and you want some next week
... whether the Crimson Freechild comes or not ... you can get a
little bit too!
{The capacity crowd on hand makes a collective shout of
anticipation as the two women stand toe to toe in the center of
the ring. Blackthorne takes a step back and pauses for a moment
as she looks over Freechild as if sizing her up. After a few
moments of uneasy silence, Blackthorne steps up to Freechild.}
[Blackthorne]
With all of the backstabbing and dealing going on in the back,
your word probably isn't worth the breath it would take for you
to spit it out. Quite frankly, ya big banshee, I couldn't care
less about you or your sorry word! Bottom line is this ...
actions speak louder than words. So next week let's hope your
evil twin shows her face and you set her straight on your own
since it's your image she's ruining. But I give you my word on
this. I'll hate to do it but I'll put your ass on the shelf for
lying to me if that's what all of this is. Next week Freechild
one way or another this is going to be settled. You'd better hope
words are all that's needed. If not then my actions won't be as
diplomatic as they were this week.
{Blackthorne drops the mic and backs up from Freechild until she
reaches the ropes. She then drops to her back and slides under
the ropes and makes her exit thru the crowd as "Uninvited" marks
her exit.}
=================================================================
This work copyright © 1998 by Allied Sports Enterprises. Allied
Wrestling International is a member of the Summit Wrestling
Alliance; permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI
footage in cooperation with Summit Wrestling events.
"CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting
System, used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual
association between the writers and CBS should be inferred.
"Promotional" trademarks likewise used without permission or
affiliation for purposes of parody.
=================================================================
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