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"YOU'RE WATCHING ... CBS ... WELCOME HOME."
=================================================================
: Last Week
{Jerry Straite has a near-unconscious Joey by the hair, leaning
over him among the wreckage of a steel chair.}
[Jerry Straite]
So you think I DON'T MATTER, PUNK?!?! {slaps Joey twice, back
and forth, across the face} Well, how'd you like that, you stupid
little son of a--
{Straite is tackled by security, pulling him off of Joey as the
scene fades out.}
=================================================================
{Toshiaki Hasegawa and Tank Bradley are in the Team Stevens
locker room; by Hasegawa's disheveled, slightly bloodied
appearance, it's obviously the same night. Bradley is standing
calmly in the background while Hasegawa has what amounts to a
temper tantrum -- throwing chairs, kicking lockers, etc.}
[Hasegawa]
Masters, I've had it with you sticking your nose in our business!
You can't be me, so you keep trying to do everything you possibly
can to eliminate me -- well, I've had enough! You wanna get your
little friends involved -- more victims. You wanna play with toys
-- we can play with toys. I'm tired of putting up with this crap
-- no more playing nice.
{Toshiaki continues to throw things as Bradley speaks.}
[Bradley]
Masters, I wouldn't make any plans past Danse Macabre because we
plan on having two graves dug in that area to deposit what's left
of you in after that match. Your partner's already got one foot
in the grave, all we're going to do is push him all the way in.
This is more than just defending these belts, Masters. This is
about beating you until they can't even identify you with dental
records.
[Hasegawa]
Masters, we may be known as Agony and Ecstasy, but there's gonna
be nothing but Agony in what's left of your pathetic little
career.
=================================================================
{Fade into the sound of whistling wind and a familiar guitar lick
-- as "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring begins to play, we see a
black background, in front of which a pair of gloved hands load a
round into a rifle and snap the chamber shut. The gun turns
towards the screen, and almost at the same time the camera view
turns with it, to end up behind the sight.}
[Music]
It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone)
I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm
Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances
{The black background is interrupted by a roaming "gunsight"
view, within which AWI action can be seen; the sight moves across
the screen, every so often cutting to change directions (and
video footage).}
[Music]: Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone ...
{Sight moves from left to right; Danny Boy McGill cinches the
McGill Leglock on D.A. Bookthrower.}
[Music]: This is a madhouse/Feels like being home ...
{Sight moves from bottom upwards; Steve the Insane throws Nick
Vorpal into a Frontal Lobotomy.}
[Music]: My feet they can't move/Under moon and star ...
{Sight moves from lower left to center and back to upper left
(in a ">" pattern); Kerry Masters connects with an "Epitome
Press" standing moonsault on Reverend Jeremiah James.}
[Music]: Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far ...
{Sight moves from lower right to upper left in broad arc; Tank
Bradley subjects Justice to the Nail in the Coffin.}
[Music]: You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone.
{Sight moves from left to right, jagging up and down erratically;
Greg Gardner uses an Atomic Bomb on John "Asylum" Smith.}
[Music]: You will come to know ...
when the bullet hits the bone ...
{Cut to a scene of four simultaneous "gunsights" (without the
internal video), converging on slightly wobbly paths towards the
lower left corner. As the four intersect, a loud drumbeat
corresponds with the crack of a gunshot; the screen flashes
bright white, then fades into the logo:
=================================================================
__ __ __ __ ____
=================== /\ \ /\ \ /\ \/\ \/\ _\
/~/\ \~\ /~/ /~/ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \ `\\ \ \ \L_
/ /\ \ \ \/\/ / / / \ \ \ \ \ \\ \ , ` \ \ _\
/_/ \_\ \_\_\/ /_/ \ \ \__\ \ \\ \ \`\ \ \ \L_
=================== \ \___\\ \_\\ \_\ \_\ \___\
\/___/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/\/___/
__|__
/ | \ ___ ____ __ _____ ____
{ /|\ } /'___\ /\ _\ /\ \ /\ __`\ /\ _\
---+-|-O-|-+--- ___ /\ \__/ \ \ \/_\ \ \\ \ \L\ )\ \ \L_
{ \|/ } / __`\ \ ,__\ \ \ _\\ \ \\ \ , / \ \ _\
\__|__/ /\ \L\ \ \ \_/ \ \ \/ \ \ \\ \ \\ \ \ \ \L_
| \ \____/\ \_\ \ \_\ \ \_\\ \_\ \_\\ \___\
\/___/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/ \/___/
=================================================================
:
>>BIRD'S-EYE CAM<<
{Our view pans over yet another madly cheering crowd, alerted to
their presence on television by the sounds of cannon fire. As the
camera drops to its usual slide by the front rows, we see fans
dressed in various AWI paraphenilia (including quite a few "I
[Texas silhouette] Colt Kawaii" and "War Machine" blueprint
t-shirts), and dozens of signs waved around.
Finally, we reach the pressbox area, where three men are seated
-- a clean-cut Hispanic gentleman in a well-pressed suit; a
wild-haired, wild-eyed man wearing a Looking 4 A Fight t-shirt;
and an athletic blond man wearing a loose yellow silk shirt, a
blue denim jacket with short, ragged sleeves (and sporting a
button with the slogan "NJN = TVC"), circular sunglasses, and a
terry-cloth headband with "Press" written on it in marker.}
: Justin Escobar Mike Marone Chad Swayze
[Escobar]
OLA, aficionados! The excitement in this crowd is just ELECTRIC,
as they await the great night of action we have waiting for you!
Steve the Insane promises to pull out all the stops as he faces
the equally unbalanced "Scarecrow", Dominic Nightshade!
[Swayze]
No, no, no, Escobo -- Dominic is just a little *frightening* ...
he's nowhere NEAR as "unbalanced" as Steve. THAT nut actually put
a price on his OWN head! Think about that -- when Dominic snaps
Steve's neck and cripples him for life, Steve has to use his
insurance settlement to PAY the Scarecrow for doing it! It's,
like, thanking the man who ruined your life! {laugh} You gotta
love it!
[Escobar]
Well, I will recognize that Steve is certainly taking a big risk
there ... this man has such a love for the sport that he's
willing to go to ANY lengths to continue plying his trade. That
level of dedication could be appreciated by the subjects of our
main event tonight -- the WAR MACHINE, Greg Gardner, takes on the
self-proclaimed Master of the Northern Lights Suplex, Maurice
Jackson ...
[Swayze]
And he couldn't have picked a worse time to do it, could he? This
isn't some newcomer from overseas like Stefan Schrieber was --
he's facing wrestling ROYALTY tonight, now that Maurice Jackson
has joined forces with Alliyah Johnston and her mastermind's
gambit, Checkmate!
[Marone]
{shaking head} I don't know much about chess, but I'm pretty sure
there's only one king -- and eight pawns. I know *I* wouldn't
like those odds, Mo.
[Swayze]
Yeah, but it's first come, first serve, so he's OK.
[Escobar]
We'll see ... for now, let's take a look at a newcomer to the
AWI *Women's* Division, a woman who may very soon be locking up
with the likes of other Checkmate members like Talia Yamahara and
Tiger Z ...
=================================================================
{A brief computer graphic of yellow lightning sizzling against a
blue background is replaced by a fade in of a small TV studio,
draped with a neon yellow satiny material. Skipping rope before
the camera is a compact, rather buxom woman. Her red hair is in
a ponytail, and she sports a good tan, especially for a redhead.
She is wearing an electric blue sports-top with matching bicycle
pants that have yellow lightning bolts down each side, and yellow
boxing shoes. The woman does a few complex rope tricks, crossing
over and double-looping, etc., then sets the rope down and picks
up a towel. Drying herself off, she flashes a million-watt smile
at the camera.}
[Woman]
Hey, folks. Now that the AWI's going strong again, I figure it's
time to send a little jolt through the women's division. Tommie
Sparks' the name, but they call me "The Live Wire." I take life
at a thousand miles an hour, and what I do in the ring is no
exception! But don't take my word for it, fans -- you'll be
seeing me real soon, and it's gonna be hectic and electric!
'Cause the Live Wire's gonna shock you, baby, and don't you doubt
it for a minute. Now I have some work to do, but I'll see you in
the arena!
{Tommie picks up the rope again, and begins double-time skipping
as the scene fades out. The lightning symbol flashes on the
screen for an instant before the camera cuts away.}
=================================================================
[Swayze]
Oh, that's real good -- what's she gonna do, ropeskip her enemies
into submission? Maybe throw in a little hopscotch when the heat
is on ...
>>AISLE<<
{"Live Wire" by Motley Crue plays over the speakers, and the
same woman just shown sprints down the aisle, pausing barely
moments at various places to acknowledge a decent crowd
cheer ...}
[Escobar]: It looks like we're about to find OUT what
she's "gonna do," Chad, as she's ready to take on Janet
LeVond in her television debut.
[Marone]: Well, TV match debut. She was just on TV five
seconds ago.
[Swayze]: Good for her. Tori's running out of toys to
play with -- it's good to see the AWI doing something
about it.
[Escobar]: Somehow I think Tommie's looking for more
than that out of her stay here ...
{Sparks reaches the ring and circles around, still pumped up,
with LeVond, a shortish brunette who's obviously spent time
powerlifting ... LeVond signals for a test of strength, and
Tommie takes a lap around her, then moves in to accept -- but
pulls LeVond's hands down into a wristlock instead ...}
[Marone]: You know, I think this is Janet LeVond's TV
debut too -- I would've remembered a brick wall like
that.
[Escobar]: LeVond certainly with an impressive physique--
and Tommie seems in no hurry to lock up ... she moves
in finally -- no! Tommie with a quick reversal, and
LeVond's test of strength is suddenly the wrong end of
a wristlock!
[Swayze]: Now how fair is that? She should call herself
"Lying Wire"!
[Escobar]: It's not illegal to turn down a challenge like
that, Chad --
[Swayze]: NOW you tell me ... I'd still be wrestling if
I'd known that.
{Sparks quickly uses the leverage gained by the wristlock to
send LeVond into the ropes, giving her the chance to perform a
backdrop and following it up with a jumping splash. She picks
her up, whips her into the ropes again, and tries for a
clothesline, but LeVond ducks it, and scoops up Tommie for a
bodyslam.}
[Escobar]: Tommie swiftly putting herself in total control
of this matchup ... high-elevation backdrop, and high
elevation HERSELF from a standing jump splash! LeVond back
on her feet, Sparks has her into the ropes again, clo--
LeVond out of the way -- big body slam!
[Swayze]: Which just goes to show, all the enthusiasm in
the world won't protect a smaller wrestler from a heartless
bruiser who wants her soul -- which reminds me, who else
besides Tori is in the Overture Danse?
{LeVond capitalizes on the change in offensive, stomping on
Sparks viciously, then powering her to the mat with a fallaway
slam.}
[Escobar]: I think Tori will have a great deal of
competition in that event: Dacia Blackthorne ... Angela
Dante and Brenda Storm ... the "Billion Dollar Babe"
Melissa Wright ... all three of the Checkmate women --
OLA, what a fallaway slam! That may have just finished
this match!
[Swayze]: Tommie? Tommie, can you hear me?
{LeVond picks up Sparks, and after taunting the crowd for a bit,
picks her up for a powerbomb -- to have it promptly reversed
into a rana ... she staggers to her feet, but Sparks hits a
fierce DDT almost immediately ...}
[Escobar]: LeVond looking to finish this ... looks like
a powerbomb -- CASTIGO hurricarana! LeVond disoriented,
she's up -- SHE'S DOWN! Sparks with an UNBELIEVABLE DDT,
and she makes a cover ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 !!!
[Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner ... "LIVEWIRE" ... TOMMIE ...
SPAAAAAARRRKSSS!!
[Escobar]: Shades of Showtimes there, as Sparks rolls out
of the ring, looking almost ready to thank each member of
the audience personally for cheering her to victory!
[Swayze]: Pure luck, Justino -- all I can say is, if
Tori ever gets a hold of her, there won't be enough voltage
left to power a night-light ...
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Two students carry on their teachers' fight!
COMMERCIALS: Doug Flutie says, "use 10-10-220 to save money on
phone calls, AND help autistic children!" ... watch MARTIAL LAW
on CBS Friday ... When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza
anytime ...
=================================================================
{Tape opens up to inside what appears to be a martial dojo. A man
in windbreakers and a blue tanktop is doing some sprints. He
stops and starts to speak.}
[Scott Deda]
Hey, it's me again. You know since the last time I checked Corey,
you haven't won a match cleanly in a long time. I mean, you
always have someone running in to save you and make sure you make
sure you end up looking like a fool that can't win a match on his
own. Last time Corey, Ed had you beat. But the last person on
this earth worthy of being called a ninja, your mentor Robbie,
had to get involved and distract the ref so you could get a win.
{Scott pauses and shakes his head}
I've seen your tricks Corey. Believe me, they are not gonna work.
I've waited too long to get my feet on you. Yes, that's right --
feet. I'm gonna kick a hole straight through your head. Shouldn't
be too hard seeing there's nothing in there. You may not know
this, but I was trained in the martial arts. Robbie claims to be
the New Jersey Ninja, and to have a 104th degree black belt. I
kinda feel bad for New Jersey -- I mean who would want to admit
you were raised there? Plus, you may have a 104th degree black
belt, but Robbie, I doubt you could even do a front kick right. I
think Big Poppa was more of a martial artist than you.
The fact remains, though, Corey, without Robbie you are nothing.
Somehow I don't see Robbie interfering in this. Just call it a
hunch.
{Ed Carr enters from the side.}
[Ed]
Easy kid -- we don't wanna give anything away. See, Robbie,
since you have your beach bum, I got my own beach bum. I bet
my beach bum can beat up your beach bum though. Scott's got a
slightly more dangerous mentor than Bonham. As for you,
Stevens -- try something, I'm beggin' you.
Danse Macabre is only a couple weeks away Robbie -- hope you and
your gang of idiots are ready. My boys and I will be waiting ...
{smirks} and damn if we don't already have a couple tricks up our
sleeves. {to Scott} All right, enough slacking ... back to work.
=================================================================
{The screen retracts back into a chamber in a computer-animated
revolver, which then spins, stopping at another chamber, which
ejects a new clip ...}
=================================================================
{Cut to the locker room where Robbie Stevens and Corey Bonham are
standing by. Robbie is still working on the Rubik's Cube.}
[Robbie]
Trust me ... any sec ... (notices the camera) Here, hold this ...
{Robbie hands the cube over to Corey and starts to address the
camera. Corey looks at the cube and starts turning it.}
[Robbie]
Now, as you may have noticed, AWI hasn't given me my title back
yet. Don't think this will not go unpunished. I am still *YOUR*
TV Champion, the fact that known felon currently has his grubby
paws on my belt makes me sick to my stomach ... but, he may have
the gold, but I've still got the title ... AWI Television
Champion, Robbie Stevens. I will give you guys one more week, and
then I will have to take action.
Now, the Danse Macabre is just around the corner and after
looking at the line up I noticed that Ed Carr has gone and got
himself a bunch of his two bit thugs into that event in hopes of
outnumbering us ...
[Corey]
{still working on the cube} Dude, that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO like
him.
[Robbie]
But the fact of the matter is Ed, it's two bit thugs who were
trained by you. And since my two bit ... I mean, protege, Corey
here, beat you 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring, then by simple
mathematics we learn that Robbie Stevens is greater than Corey
who is greater than Ed Carr and therefore, greater than all of
your little toadies. So first off, we don't have anything to
worry about them. Second, we've decided to test out one of these
Special Ed Students this week, as we take on "Tsunami" Scott Deda
... now, I can't figure out why Ed would even think of teaming
with someone named Tsunami to begin with ... but Corey, tell him
what you're going to do.
{Corey hands Robbie back the cube, which has been solved.}
[Robbie]
HEY! I was working on that ... I almost had it!
[Corey]
Dude, don't sweat it. Like, I can put it right back ...
[Robbie]
No! Don't even bother! You ruined the whole thing ...
[Corey]
Sorry, dude. So like, Scott Dude-ah. He like, comes in to AWI and
like says a whole bunch of totally bogus things about me and my
numero uno amigo Robbie. And like he says that I'm getting
nothing for Christmas and I'm like ... Dude, it's October. Like,
Santa doesn't show up at the mall for like another week and like,
I'm sure to get something because, like, I used to work with the
jolly red dude every year when I was in high school as an elf, so
like, I'm gonna get something...
[Robbie]
Will you talk about the match already?
[Corey]
Dude, like, what's with the hostility ... it's just a cube, I
said I could put it right back ... Oh yeah, so like, just because
Wanto showed you a few submission holds, like, you think you're
the king of the world or something. Well, Wanto taught me a
deadly submission hold too, Dude-ah ... and like, if I put the
dreaded FFL on you like, you'll be crying for mommy ...
[Robbie]
FFL? Front Fa--
[Corey]
DUDE! Don't say that name! So anyways, like after this match,
like I'm going to hit you with the FFL, the Wicked Awesome Super
Kick and like, to top it all off, the San Fernando Valley
Driver, and then like you won't even make it to the Danse and
then it'll be like two on ... (checks his fingers) two ... and
like two of us of us will TOTALLY cream any two of you ...
[Robbie]
That's right. All the momentum's going my way. I'm still the TV
Champ. I manage the North American Tag Champs. Tori's going to
win the Women's Title. Corey's going to put Deda in a body cast
and I'm going to get a new cube and prove to you all in 10
seconds I can solve this thing. Ed Carr, I hope for your sake
Scottie named you as a beneficary in his will, because after this
week, you won't be able to leech anymore money off of him.
=================================================================
>>RINGSIDE<<
[Escobar]: And we've just heard from the two principals in
our next exciting match-up, pitting individuals from two
organizations that are really starting to develop a
rivalry.
[Swayze]: Alllllllllright! My favorite part of the show:
the Team Stevens Master Surgeons demonstration! This
week's operation, a Pride-ectomy from all-wet Scottie!
[Marone]: Was it just me, or did they sorta seem on edge?
I mean, it's like you guys weren't getting along or
something.
[Swayze]: Hey, don't start spreading rumors, man -- that
kinda stuff gets around! Of COURSE Team Stevens is
getting along! We're as one mind, got it? One nation,
under Robbie, and all that jazz ... jeez, don't even
THINK about saying that!
[Marone] Sorry ... it just sorta looked like you guys
weren't g--
[Swayze]: WHAT did I just SAY?!
[Escobar]: OK, simmer down -- we've got a match to call.
[Rod Allen]
{stepping into the ring} Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest
tonight is set for one fall, with a time limit of ten minutes ...
introducing first, weighing in at two hundred thirty-four pounds
... from the city of Miami, Florida, this is "Tsunami" ... Scott
Deda!
{"Tsunami" heads to the ring, looking charged up, while Ed Carr
trails behind him with a cynical smirk.}
[Swayze]: Ay caramba, what a loser ... heck, I could beat
him without breaking a sweat, so Corey shouldn't have any
problems either.
[Marone]: How come you /aren't/ fighting him, then?
[Swayze]: Oh, well, Robbie kinda likes to keep me back for
the really tough fights -- sortuva a special-missions kind
of thing, like Army Rangers or Navy SEALs ... you could say
I'm Team Stevens's secret weapon.
[Marone]: How can it be a secret if you just told everybody
on TV?
[Swayze]: You just don't understand special ops.
[Allen]
And his opponent tonight, weighing in at two hundred thirty-one
pounds ... accompanied to the ring tonight by his manager, Robbie
Stevens, from San Fernando, California ... Corey Bonham!
[Swayze]: Oh yeah! The doctor is ready to op-er-aaaate!
[Marone]: I really don't think Bonham made it through
medical school.
[Escobar]: I don't think he made it through high school ...
but then, we know he didn't make it through Ed Carr's
wrestling school, either.
[Swayze]: Hey, he had a superior education, man. The school
of hard rock!
[Marone]: I thought it was the school of hard knocks.
[Swayze]: No way, compadre -- that's painful.
{Carr, Stevens, and referee Tom Newman get into a confrontation
in the ring, with Newman getting in the way of Carr, and Robbie
obviously alternating between making threats and hiding behind
the ref.}
[Escobar]: Some sort of pre-match altercation ... and it
looks like Newman is sending Ed away from the ring here!
This is ridiculous!
[Swayze]: Hey, what's wrong with trying to keep this thing
fair?
[Marone]: Nothing. I wish Robbie would try it sometime.
[Escobar]: Carr seems surprisingly calm, though, as he gives
some last-minute instructions to Scott ... and he heads to
the back looking grim ... and we're ready to start.
{Bonham opens the fight with a side kick, stunning Deda long
enough to scoop him up for a bodyslam. He follows this with a
kneedrop, then rakes Scott across the eyes before pulling him up.
Bouncing back off the ropes, he connects with a front kick, then
tries to whip Deda to the turnbuckle; Deda blocks the whip, and
hits a standing dropkick on Bonham.}
[Escobar]: Deda's enthusiasm may have cost him here --
Bonham may not be straight-arrow, but he's still dangerous.
[Marone]: Scott's still young ... his wisdom lumps probably
haven't come all the way in yet. They're still a few chairs
away.
[Escobar]: A strong start by "Way Cool, Jr.", who is firmly
in control right no-- I may have spoke too soon!
[Swayze]: Yeahyeahyeah, so Sue Nammy here gets in ONE lucky
move.
{Deda picks up Bonham and delivers a spinning neckbreaker.}
[Marone]: That's TWO lucky moves.
[Swayze]: Hey, since when did you become the Count? Only a
-- a momentary setback, yeah!
{He then climbs up the corner, and leaps off with a corkscrew
moonsault -- Corey rolls aside, and Scott hits the mat hard.}
[Swayze]: Ha-HA! See? Momentary setback, bay-bee.
[Escobar]: So it would seem -- Scott Deda tried for the
high risk maneuver--
[Swayze]: --and just blew his insurance rating! Ha!
{Both men stand up; Bonham gets the jump on Scott, scooping him
up and slamming him down. He tries another knee drop, but this
time Scott gets a snap kick from the floor to cut Corey off.
[Escobar]: Bonham continuing to keep up the attack -- but
a perceptive counter from Deda regains the advantage!
[Marone]: This kid really is pumped, man. Most people would
just roll out of the way, but he gets right on the attack.
{Moving on top of Corey, he locks on an STF, then rolls to one
side, lifting Corey into the air.}
[Escobar]: And now Tsunami switches gears to a slower pace,
locking Corey Bonham into a reverse stepover toehold with
facelock ...
[Marone]: Is that what that is? I thought it was an upside
down STF.
[Escobar]: I--
[Swayze]: Don't. Just let it go.
{Robbie yells something at Deda, moving on the apron as if to
enter; Deda breaks the hold to adopt a defensive posture, as
Corey staggers up.}
[Escobar]: Uh-oh ... Scott Deda perhaps showing a little
inexperience here -- he's dividing his attention between
Robbie and Corey, to his disadvantage ...
[Swayze]: That's his problem, Escobo -- as long as Robbie
hasn't touched him, he doesn't even deserve a warning!
[Escobar]: {low voice} Well, that's not ENTIRELY true,
but ...
{Deda notices Corey rising, and throws a thrust kick behind him;
Corey ducks it, and responds with a side kick -- which Deda
avoids by dropping to the mat, then sweeping Corey's legs out
from under him.}
[Escobar]: ... but Deda remains on his game! Corey out of
the way -- but he still goes down! Scott Deda making a
small exhibition of his own martial arts talents ...
[Marone]: Whoa! The only time I ever moved that fast in
the ring, it was when I was falling down!
{Scott picks up Bonham and hits another neckbreaker.}
[Escobar]: And he follows it with a stunning technical
offense! Given time to settle himself here in AWI, and
Scott Deda could become a real force here -- this young
man seems to combine any number of effective elements into
his attack plan: martial arts training, a schooling in
submission style wrestling apparently from Ed's associate
Wanto Parker--
{He moves to the corner, climbing onto the second turnbuckle as
Corey gets back to his knees, and jumps off to nail Bonham with
an axe kick to the back of the head.}
[Escobar]: --and not just a little aerial power, like that!
[Swayze]: Hey, what are you, on Ed's payroll or something?
OK, so the new kid has maybe three or four good moves --
let's not blow this up into wrestling's messiah! {smugly}
There's only room for ONE Robbie Stevens, after all.
[Escobar]: {soto voce} Well, obviously we already knew
whose payroll you're on ...
{Bonham pulls Corey up, and Corey throws his hands up in a
pleading fashion -- a fake attempt, followed quickly by a shot
to the face, which Deda is fast enough to block. This time,
Deda scores with the thrust kick, knocking Corey down.}
[Escobar]: Attempted cheapshot from Corey Bonham, gets him
NOWHERE but flat on the mat!
[Swayze]: Oh, come on, Justino, you don't think he's HURT,
do you? He's just rolling on the mat LAUGHING, because of
that lame imitation of the ONE and ONLY, Wicked Awesome
Superkick!
{Deda heads back on top the turnbuckle, as Corey gets back on
his feet; Robbie begins making a fuss to the referee, who heads
over to make him be quiet.}
[Marone]: Robbie must agree with you -- maybe that's what
he's complaining about now.
{Deda leaps off at Bonham, who ducks and lets Scott fly over him;
he then begins stomping hard with the heavy boot.}
[Escobar]: Perhaps -- but he's also giving Corey Bonham a
chance to freely abuse Deda with that weighted boot of his!
[Swayze]: {exaggerated surprise} What was that? Did I hear
you say, "medically mandated brace"? Good -- I'd hate to
think the NJN would have to file *two* suits against the
AWI.
{After giving Deda's ribs a good workover, he lifts Scott up to
his knees, then commences with a pair of side kicks to continue
the attack.}
[Escobar]: I said WEIGHTED BOOT -- I feel no lack of
confidence in asserting that Corey's hypothetical doctor
has as much reliability as Robbie's hypothetical martial
arts instructor.
[Marone]: You mean they're related? Hey, does that mean
Robbie's getting a family discount?
[Escobar]: That's not what I --
[Swayze]: Don't argue with him, Justino -- better his
illusions than your slanders. I mean, sometimes I wonder
why I bother to grace you guys with my keen analytical
eye ...
[Marone]: 'Cuz Robbie pays you?
[Swayze]: Oh yeah ...
{He pulls Scott fully up to his feet, and whips him into the
turnbuckle; charging after, he drives a hard kneelift into the
corner.}
[Escobar]: High impact rush from Corey Bonham -- Scott
Deda could be in serious trouble right now!
[Swayze]: Of course he is! Scott Deda was in serious trouble
from the day he first entered this league -- putting himself
in the same camp as that loser Ed! He made his bed --
Corey's just givin' it the quarter test, bay-bee!
{Bonham bends Deda down, and grabs him for a gutwrench, but Scott
counters with a palm thrust to the lower body, then grabs Corey
by the head, running up the turnbuckle and hopping off in a
twisting bulldog.}
[Escobar]: An arrogant supposition ... but if so, I THINK
DEDA PASSES!
[Marone]: I don't think so, Justin -- that wasn't really a
bounce so much as a lot of steps.
{He cinches one of Corey's arms in a wakigatme armbar.}
[Escobar]: Deda returning to a slower pace, perhaps to
regain some of his own energy ...
[Swayze]: Or MAYBE, just maybe, because he's desperately
trying to contain the raw fury that is Robbie Steven's
ultimate protege! He's GOT to keep Corey pinned down, man
-- it's like wrestling a crocodile, bay-bee, he'll tear
you apart the moment you let up!
[Marone]: It's more like wrestling a crocodile keeper --
if you get too good, he jumps on top of you with a bunch
of his buddies.
{Corey pushes Deda off of him, and both men stand. Scott locks
up Deda for a Russian legsweep, but Corey blocks it and shoves
him forward; Deda counters with a soccer-style "bicycle kick"
to the head.}
[Escobar]: Bonham out, and both men up ...
[Marone]: See, I saw it on Animal Planet a couple days
ago. Crocs are pretty sensitive animals--
[Escobar]: Bonham counters Deda -- but Deda right back with
a bicycle kick!
[Marone]: --and they don't handle tranqs well. Say, has
anyone tried to tranquilize one of you guys?
[Swayze]: What are you TALKING about?
{Deda scrambles over Corey, attempting to cinch on a lock, but
Corey pokes him in the eyes. He grabs Scott around the waist,
stands up, and snaps into a belly-to-belly suplex. Standing up,
he delivers the "hang loose" signal, before making a waving
motion with his arms and shoulders, as Deda staggers back up.}
[Swayze]: Yes! Ring the bell, stick the fork, this match
is over -- it's time for the S-F-V-D!
{Corey leans down for a fireman's carry, but Deda knocks him
down with a jumping spin kick.}
[Swayze]: There's NO WAY that Sue can survive this-- hey!
[Marone]: I guess there's life after death.
{Deda hooks one of Corey's arms, hops onto the top rope, turns
around, and leaps off; Corey grabs him in mid-air, and pulls him
close to his chest, before dropping him gut-first onto one knee.}
[Escobar]: Looks like Tsunami won't need to worry aboud
'surviving' the San Fernando Valley Driver, as he finds an
effective counter ... he's taking to the air -- but Corey's
got him snared! And right onto that knee!
[Marone]: OW.
[Swayze]: For once I agree with you, Miko!
{Corey pulls Deda back up, and makes the "hang loose" signal
again; this time, he scores with the fireman's carry brainbuster.
He rolls over for a cover: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
TIME: 5:14
[Escobar]: No escape this time -- Deda may have overexerted
himself in the early parts of this match.
[Swayze]: Come ON, Justino, that's like teasing a dog! Don't
you know how cruel it is to lead on Sue, making him think he
had a CHANCE?
[Marone]: Yeah ... I've never seen a Sue beat anyone ...
now, take this Deda kid, on the other hand -- he'll probably
kick Corey's butt if he learns from his mistakes.
>>SNIPER'S NEST<<
{Chad Duncan is waiting; as he begins to speak, the "Star
Spangled Banner" sounds in the loudspeakers, and continues to
play amidst the confused sounds of the crowd. As the song reaches
its crescendo, from the back steps out Dave Hatfield, wrapped in
a large American flag, with another in his right hand. He's
wildly waving the flag in the air to thunderous boos. He steps
onto the stage.}
[Swayze]: Oh, GREAT crowd we have here tonight, REAL
patriots ... bunch of flag-burning yahoos, no doubt.
[Escobar]: I'm fairly certain this reaction is meant not for
the flag but the man wrapped inside it.
[Marone]: Yeah, seems to me they're PROTESTING a desecration
of the flag.
[Duncan]
Dave, what--
[Hatfield]
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! Isn't it WONDERFUL to be an American
citizen?
[Duncan]
{pauses} I ... sure--
[Hatfield]
I think it's a spendid thing, to be a True American. You have
more freedom that any other person on the face of this earth. You
have the right to speak your mind, to state your opinion and do
so openly without fear of reprisal. That's what separates the
True Americans from those who aren't, the wannabe's: We know our
rights, and we don't infringe on others. Karl von Nazi obviously
doesn't understand that.
[Escobar]: I think Dave Hatfield could stand to brush up on
his Civics courses ... not to mention his local libel
statutes.
[Marone]: Wouldn't brushing up a statue be graffiti? Man,
that'd be JUST like Dave!
[Duncan]
In all fairness, Mr. Hatfield, you started this by --
[Hatfield]
I used my constitutional right of free speech. Just because
Germany not only has a language that sounds like Klingon, but
also doesn't have that right, doesn't mean I should be ATTACKED
viciously because of my statements. If I wanted to be mean, I
could sue Karl for what he did. But I'm a nice guy and I'll let
it slide ... ONCE.
Y'know, both of the Zap Brothers came on last week and said I was
evil and a hatemonger and all that garbage, but what have I done
to them? Nothing. Did I stop them from having their match with
Eichmann? No. Did I interfere at all in that match? No. Did I
interrupt Karl when he was talking? No. Did I attack him even
though he was slanderous toward me? No. I know that to do that
would lessen me as a person, so I gave him his right to speak.
[Escobar]: A right which Karl used, I might add, to
APOLOGIZE to Mr. Hatfield ... a gesture we won't likely see
from him.
[Hatfield]
But Karl came on here and basically said he wants to fight me in
the ring. Fine. I have in my hand {shows a large manila envelope,
sealed} a contract between me and Karl von Eichmann for Dance
Maka-- er ... Makab--
[Chad]
Macabre.
[Dave]
Whatever. It's a German name, so these pure American lips can't
pronounce it. Anyway, I have a match for the pay per view between
him and I. If he wants to be an American, let him get a taste of
it. It's under American Rules.
[Chad]
I've ... not heard of American rules.
[Dave]
Then obviously you're not a True American either, because any
True American know what they are. I'll be handing this to the
commish after I'm done here. If you have a nerve, Kraut, you'll
sign it, and then you'll get your chance to fight me. This time,
I punch back.
{Dave leaves the stage}
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Swayze]
American Rules? Did he say AMERICAN Rules??? Man, this is going
to ROCK!
[Escobar]
I see ... and you're going to enlighten our viewers as to just
what these "American rules" are?
[Swayze]
Hey, you heard the man -- if you don't know, you don't DESERVE to
know.
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: A DANSE MACABRE Update!
COMMERCIALS: Membership has its privileges -- the American
Express card ... Even Homer Simpson is smarter, with Intel Inside
... Get all your favorite new music at Sam Goody's ...
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O C T O B E R 3 0 B O S T O N, M A
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U P D A T E U P D A T E U P D A T E U P D A T E U P D A T E
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Escobar]
That's right, fans, we're just a week away from what will
undoubtedly become an AWI tradition in the years to come, not to
mention a thrilling pay-per-view extravaganza!
[Swayze]
You forgot "most exciting night in wrestling history," Justino ...
jeez, you need to learn some hard-sell techniques.
[Escobar]
A card like this doesn't really /need/ a hard-sell, Chad ...
let's begin with the Danse itself, the centerpiece of this event.
A cavalcade of AWI superstars enter the first of four adjacent
rings, and battle it out in a no-holds-barred slugfest ... as
each man gets pinned or forced to submit, the man responsible
will advance to the NEXT ring -- until we have 8 competitors,
then 4, then 2 weary souls -- and finally, ONE man will walk
away with the Devil's Deal? And what IS the 'Deal? ANY match the
wrestler wants to be involved in, with ANY stipulations, mandated
and sanctioned by Commissioner Jamahn Hugo Chamberlin himself!
{The bottom of the screen slowly pans across photo-portraits as
Escobar continues ...}
Last week, we told you about the following challengers:
Robbie Stevens's dazed disciple, and master of the San Fernando
Valley Driver, "WAY COOL JR." COREY BONHAM ... the demented and
self-appointed judge of the AWI, D.A. BOOKTHROWER ... the
devious headmaster of the Ed Carr Wrestling Academy, the
WRESTLING EXPERT himself, ED CARR ... Carr's newest protege,
the wild and unpredictable "TSUNAMI" SCOTT DEDA ... no-nonsense
newcomer SMITH DURBIN ... definitely one of the favorites, the
colossal Iron Man of the AWI, "WAR MACHINE" GREG GARDNER ...
both members of the HONOR GUARD -- the powerful RICH GREENSPEAR
and the masterfully scientific SAM RICHARDS ... Checkmate's
Master of the Northern Lights Suplex himself, MAURICE JACKSON ...
the moralizing, maniacal man of the cloth, the "RIGHT ON"
REVEREND JEREMIAH JAMES ... one-half of the CHAOS BROTHERS, the
kickmeister "ZAP" LONDON ... the awesome Asian acrobat,
"DRAGONFIRE" KIEN LUN ... one-half of the powerhouse duo of
INTENSITY, the all-out attack of JAYSON "FURY" MICHAELS ...
the man for whom every day is Halloween, the enigmatic
"SCARECROW", DOMINIC NIGHTSHADE ... the strongman seer of the
AWI, ORACLE ... and the shamelessly scheming head of Team
Stevens himself, the so-called New Jersey Ninja, ROBBIE
STEVENS!
[Swayze]
Note how that list is bookended with favorites! If Corey
doesn't bring home the gold, the Most Feared Foot In Wrestling
is a LOCK to!
[Escobar]
Don't count your chickens yet, Chad ... there's more to come!
[Swayze]
Huh? Hey, there may be some things Roadhouse isn't gifted at,
even if Lord knows I haven't found them yet -- but I CAN count,
and that's sixteen!
[Escobar]
If you'll remember, last week I said AT LEAST sixteen! And not
long after, the AWI received THIS ...
=================================================================
{Cut to "the Awesome One" Kerry Masters in what looks like a
small indoor basketball stadium. He has it set up "3 point
shootout" style, and is on the last set of basketballs. One goes
in ... two ... three ... four ... and the fifth bricks off WIDE
to the side. Without even turning to the camera, Kerry begins to
address it.}
[The Awesome One]
{sigh} That's what I get for trying to do this in one take.
Of course ... doing it in one take is what it's all about. You
COULD keep shooting that opening over and over again, until I
sank all five ... but that isn't really a challenge. The
challenge ... what the best will do ... is actually go out there
and take on challenges other people won't.
You know ... since I first came to the AWI, people have called
me arrogant. Egotistical. Boastful. Well, the Ratings Stalagmite
of the AWI may be a little confident at times ... but there's a
reason for it. Since walking in, I've become one of the best the
AWI has to offer ... from challenging a seemingly unbeatable War
Machine ... to setting up the first Schedule, so that EVERYONE
that wanted to shut me up got a chance to get some ... I was
cocky, and I was arrogant ... but I was on my way to becoming the
best.
So now, I have to play "top this". If I'm going to say that I'm
the best ... and I will say, quite often, that I'm the best ... I
have to set up another challenge that only The Awesome One would
be stupi-- umm ... oops, little slip there... would have the
testicular manhood to go after.
Step One -- Joe Walker. Danse Overture. TV Title Match. Now ...
this should be the match I brag and boast about, since ... well,
Joe ... you beat ROBBIE, who isn't exactly the toughest redwood
to knock down. {stops and thinks for a minute} Actually, maybe
I'm downplaying that accomplishment. You managed to catch Robbie
and make him wrestle a match, which is more than most AWI
superstars have apparently been able to do. The bottom line is
that we have a date for Danse Overture ... and I get to take on
one of the best that the AWI has to offer, and beat him before
Jealous Joey and pals get a chance to get the match thrown out.
Outsmart Joey, which is not tough, and simultaneously beat Joe,
which is very, VERY tough.
Step Two -- Danse Macabre. Jerry Straite and the Awesome One take
out Agony & Ecstacy. Joey ... Tank ... Robbie ... why don't you
keep ignoring Jerry. I HOPE you do. Because the Straite-Man
kicked all of your asses last week on TV near singlehandedly, so
it won't be a thing for us to do it together at the PPV.
But you know ... that isn't challenge enough. I need one more ...
crazy ... stupid ... thing to make sure everyone knows that Kerry
Masters is the bar by which the AWI is measured. {stops and
thinks again} Hey. I like that. "The Bar By Which The AWI Is
Measured". Gotta add that to the list. One more thing. What could
I do? ...
Okay. Step Three. The Man the People Paid To See is announcing
himself to be the SEVENTEENTH man in the Danse Macabre.
You can't have tremendous victories without tremendous
challenges. At Danse Macabre, the Epitome Of What Everyone Wants
To Be is going to have a tremendous victory.
=================================================================
[Swayze]
WHAT?! I mean, I knew he was stupid, going up against the Walking
Weapon of Mass Destruction AND the Living Fashion Plate, but to
wrestle in the Danse, too? He's CRAZY!
[Escobar]
Nevertheless, Kerry Masters is vying for the Devil's Deal as well!
[Marone]
Whoa, man ... seventeen dudes at once--
[Escobar]
EIGHTEEN, Mike ... the AWI has pulled out a special surprise
competitor out of its magic hat in addition ... fans, just
watch this footage, and hold on to your seats ...
=================================================================
: Footage courtesey of Universal Superstars of Wrestling
USeW Light Heavyweight Tourney
{Those who remember Spring Stampede might recognize the Comanche
War Dog, jumping off the top with a double axhandle at his
opponent, who ducks it and puts the 'Dog through multiple arm-
wringers, then levels him with an enziguri ... he covers for a
2-count, whips the Dog into the ropes, and catches him after a
criss-cross with a textbook 'rana for a pinfall ...}
: USeW TV Title Match
{Now the man's facing the same El Maestro that fought
"Devastating" Dan Lea at Union II ... he blocks Maestro's
offensive with a European uppercut, then hits another 'rana ...
this time, he heads up to the top, and summons up a phenomenally
high-altitude shooting-star press, as the referee counts the
three ...}
: Grudge Match Return Bout
{The man's back in action against Comanche War Dog, taking a boot
to the back of the head, then getting whipped into the corner
hard enough to flip over it ... War Dog hooks him up in the
corner for a "Tree of Woe" style turnbuckle-splash, but the man
somehow pulls himself over the top and out of the way, and War
Dog eats the turnbuckle himself ... as he crashes to the mat, the
man climbs to the top, and comes off with a flying leg drop,
hooking War Dog's legs and once again getting the victory ...
=================================================================
[Marone]
I know that guy! At least, I think I know that guy! I think his
dad or uncle or something used to beat me up in the ring!
[Escobar]
It's very possible, as he has a VERY impressive pedigree -- but
as you've seen, a very impressive RECORD as well ... meet Mr.
Eighteen in the Danse Macabre, ladies and gentleman: USeW
sensation "WILDFIRE" JOHNNY RAGE!
[Swayze]
I KNEW it! I KNEW the AWI would have something up their grimy
sleeves! This is nothing less than a full-fledged CONSPIRACY
against Team Stevens! Bad enough those Carr losers have THREE
guys in the Danse, but now we have to scout some psycho from a
whole other promotion?!
[Escobar]
I doubt he was signed with your cronies in mind, Chad ... now,
that's enough wrestling excitement to fill ANY night -- but not
for the AWI! We also have not one, not two, but THREE grueling
matches featuring PERFECTION against JOE WALKER and STEVE THE
INSANE, who are as always LOOKING 4 A FIGHT!
In Perfection's selected match, Joe and Steve don the gloves in
a BOXERS VS. WRESTLERS bout! The next match, Looking 4 A Fight
turns the tables--
[Marone]
And chairs, doors, railings, the concession stand, just about
anything else, really--
[Escobar]
--in a NO DISQUALIFICATION, FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE match! And
the third match ... the third match is a special SURPRISE match
to be revealed at the Danse itself, and selected by a special
hotline poll of YOU, the fans!
[Swayze]
Which means it'll probably be stupid, and incredibly biased --
just like you people!
{The splitscreen graphic changes to show Jerry Straite and
Kerry Masters on the right side, and a typically smug
Toshiaki Hasegawa and intense Tank Bradley on the left, both
holding their North American Tag Team belts.}
[Escobar]
As you've been reminded already, we ALSO have North American
Champion JERRY STRAITE, and self-described Ratings Stalagmite,
the "AWESOME ONE" KERRY MASTERS, taking on the North American
tag team champions AGONY & ECSTASY, in a title match that has
already generated SEVERE bad blood!
[Swayze]
What do you mean? There's plenty of good blood ... and it's all
inside Jeckyl & Keckyl, just waitin' to be spilled!
[Escobar]
You've heard tonight of DAVE HATFIELD's challenge to KARL VON
EICHMANN ... we've received word that Karl has in fact SIGNED
that match ... and you won't BELIEVE what these so-called
"AMERICAN RULES" are!
[Marone]
It would help if Dave would've TOLD us.
[Escobar]
And last, but certainly not least, a WORLD TITLE MATCH! The quiet
but quarrelsome champion of the AWI, KEN MISCHIEF, will take on
the finest force for good the AWI has to offer, the never-say-die
determination of JUSTICE! And remember, this match was
engineered, almost by accident, by Justice's most thorny problem
of late, the diabolical Rev. Jeremiah James, so you can be sure
he'll have a hand in the events that ensue SOMEHOW ...
Fenway Park, October 30! If you're one of the lucky few with
tickets to this earthshaking event, bring a friend, bring a
sweater, and bring your Visa -- and be prepared to be ASTONISHED!
{The Danse Macabre graphic appears again, with the "16" burning
itself into an "18", before the whole fades away back into our
announcing crew once more.}
[Escobar]
We're heading to the lockers, now, where we apparently have
comments from one of tonight's falls-count anywhere competitors,
Steve the Insane ...
=================================================================
{Steve the Insane is wearing a black and blue marbled singlet and
has a dead-serious expression on his face. He's standing over a
toy AWI wrestling ring, coincidentally filled with the latest in
AWI action figures. Not changing his expression, he grabs a
handful of the figures and rips both arms off of every one of
them.}
=================================================================
[Swayze]
What the hell was THAT?
[Marone]
Maybe we got the wrong locker room. Kinda looked like Mike
Kirwan.
[Escobar]
I, that is -- perhaps we'll go back later for an explanation,
but we've got Paul Stone ready with a guest ...
>>SNIPER'S NEST<<
[Paul Stone]
Ladies and gentlemen ... I give you ... MADELINE FREECHILD!!!
{"Big Bad Lady" by the Lady Of Rage keys up, as Madeline
Freechild makes her way to the Sniper's Nest. Once there, she
grabs the microphone out of Paul Stone's hands, and begins
heading toward the ring, talking along the way.}
[Paul Stone]
Hey, I-- {less audible} I ought to expect this ...
[Madeline Freechild]
Two weeks ago, I came out here, and I said that we'd have the
final talk between myself, Dacia Blackthorne, and Angela Dante
LAST week. Now, I've had some personal things go on for me back
in New Orleans, so I couldn't be here last week. Now, from what I
saw on TV ... Dacia took the time to run down some people -- some
good, some bad. And apparently the Woman In Red decided to shut
her up.
{Gets to ringside, climbs on the apron, and steps through the
ropes.}
Now, I know some people won't believe me when I say that I was in
New Orleans on personal business. Some people ... particularly
Ms. Dacia Blackthorne and Ms. Angela Dante ... would want to, at
best, accuse me, and at worst take me out ... for something I
didn't do.
Now, I'm not going to go into why I didn't come to Line Of Fire
last week. Personal business stays personal. So Dacia ... Angie
... you want to come and accuse me ... come on down. You want to
come and attack me ... well ... hope you're in the mood to take
your lumps.
{She drops the microphone, and looks expectedly down the aisle--
only to have somebody emerge from the crowd on the other side.}
[Escobar]: Oh, no -- LOOK OUT -- it's Dacia Blackthorne!
She's got a chair, and she's just gone POSTAL on Madeline!
[Swayze]: YE-HESS! Now THIS is what I call a DISCUSSION!
[Marone]: Your home life musta been really screwed up ...
[Escobar]: This is awful -- wait, here comes -- it's
Brenda Storm! She's kicked the chair away -- but Dacia
is equally willing to lay into her with barehanded
blows! Now Angela Dante's out as well ... and Dacia
decided discretion is the better part of valor ...
[Swayze]: Hey, her job is done -- Madeline's brains are
so much bran-muffin right now!
[Escobar]: It may be questionable whether Freechild can
even make her next match, at this point ... we'll be
back after this ...
=================================================================
WHEN AWI LINE OF FIRE RETURNS: The new kid vs. the Child's Play!
COMMERCIAL BREAK: They shoot! They roar! They destroy Tokyo again
and again! The Gamera collection, from Trendmaster Toys ... Bruce
Willis vs. a multiton planetoid? No contest -- see ARMAGEDDON,
now on home video ... Use Sudafed, and avoid Medicinehead ...
=================================================================
{The camera opens on a stereo speaker playing "Wild Thing" by the
Troggs. The camera then pulls back to reveal a living room with
the stereo, TV, VCR, a couple of chairs, and a couch. On the
couch sits Kanaida Sharpe, dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and a
black leather jacket.}
[Sharpe]
Danse Overture. I've been running those words in my head ever
since it was announced my premiere was on that card. Danse
Overture. The women's Danse is then, Joe Walker defends his title
against "the Awesome One" Kerry Masters, and I take a step to my
dreams.
That's right. I won't lie. I dream of the belt. I dream of having
the fans, the Wild Pack they are, along with me. After all,
that's what it's all about, the belts, and the fans. I want to
hear them happy after I wrestle. I wanna hear them cheer when I
win. I want to give them something to cheer about.
'Course I know there are a few guys I gotta go through first. So,
line up guys. I want you all when I can get you. Any time, any
place. The Wild Thing has an open contract, always! So get ready,
'cause the AWI is about to get wild.
One other thing. There are 2 people out there who have welcomed
me to the league and I want to thank them. Colt Kawaii, you go
out there and win the belt. If you do, celebration's on me. And
Karl Von Eichmann, you take care of Hatfield, OK? And if you need
me, I'm there for you -- any time, any place.
So that's it, people. The Wild Thing's coming, and you better be
ready. Danse Overture. Till then, Catch you on the Wild Side.
=================================================================
<>
[Rod Allen]
Our next contest is set for one fall, with a time limit of ten
minutes ... introducing first, weighing in at ninety-eight
pounds, from the city of Osaka, Japan ... COLT KAWAII!!!
{Colt enters the aisle to the trumpety strains of "Deep in the
Heart of Texas", and the fans offer up a nice cheer. She returns
the favor with a pair of popguns, snapping off two 'bangs' in
the air as she steps out of the back. She mugs for the camera a
bit, puffing some smoke off the barreltip and giving the camera
an exaggerated wink, then spins her toy pistol and holsters it
in one smooth motion.}
[Swayze]: Did I oversleep during the commercial, and miss
Christmas? We seem to have an action figure at ringside.
{Colt bounces down the aisle, slapping hands with fans on the
way, being, in general, as perky as perky can be; she hops up to
the top turnbuckle, cups her hands, and gives off a big (well,
for her) yee-haw, and many fans reply in kind.}
[Escobar]: Colt Kawaii is not the powerhouse that many of
her opponents have shown themselves to be, including even
the woman she faces tonight -- but there may be no other
competitor in our sport with a HEART as big as hers!
[Swayze]: Ooh, good for her -- what, is she gonna take it
out and club someone with it? I'll take Freechild's bigger
arms, bigger legs, and bigger name something any day over
this toy poodle.
[Marone]: Keep that up, and I'll sic MY poodle on you.
[Swayze]: WHAT? Oh, ANYTHING but THAT ... not a POODLE!
{snicker}
[Escobar]: YOU have a poodle?
[Marone]: Yeah ... well, kinda ... I mean, he seemed
kinda like a poodle when I got him, all fuzzy and
stuff ... I s'spose he's not really a pure-- well, he's
more of a, what'd they say ... wolfhound, yeah, that's
what it was. Jaws is a wolfhound.
[Swayze]: JAWS?!
[Marone]: He's cute. You'll like him.
{Colt grins, hopping down and back into the ring, stripping her
accessories off and testing the ropes, as Rod continues his
introductions.}
[Allen]
And her opponent tonight, weighing in at one hundred sixty-five
pounds ... from the city of New Orleans, Louisiana, this is
MADELINE FREEEEEECHILD!!!
{"Big Bad Lady" by Lady of Rage revs up on the speakers, as
Madeline comes down the aisle, perhaps slowed down by the recent
attack but still looking VERY determined. She receives a mixed
reaction from the crowd -- plenty of cheers and a few
sympathetic hands stretched over the railing, but more than one
face in the crowd isn't sure what to make of her.}
[Escobar]: The Material Girl showing a little more than
*physical* strength tonight, considering the brutal and
completely uncalled for attack by Dacia Blackthorne!
[Swayze]: Hey-hey-hey, Justino, let's not exaggerate here
... OK, the LAST two shots were uncalled for -- but the
first two were justifiable payback, given the TWO Child's
Plays Dacia had to suffer through already!
[Escobar]: There is NO evidence that ANY of the abuse
Blackthorne has received recently was actually Madeline's
doing ... in fact, she has repeatedly stated that she was
simply not present in the building during ANY of those
attacks -- a statement which I doubt you've even bothered
to investigate before condemning her.
[Swayze]: CONDEMNING her? Hey, I WANT her to keep up the
good work! Watching Dacia bounce off those shoulders like
a helpless ragdoll is worth the price of admission by
itself, bay-bee! I just wish Maddie would own up to her
masterpieces!
[Marone]: I didn't even know she painted.
{Madeline starts the match with a belly-to-belly, but Colt's
agility allows her to flip out, and catch Freechild in an armdrag
takedown.}
[Escobar]: {sigh} We're ready to start the match ... and
Madeline is DEFINITELY ready, as-- what a counter!
[Marone]: Man, right now Maddie looks like she's replaying
that in her head right now, trying to figure out how SHE
ended up on the floor.
{The two reach their feet again, and lock up in a collar/elbow,
resulting in another Colt armdrag; a second collar/elbow brings
a standing dropkick from Colt.}
[Escobar]: Colt Kawaii shows no anxiety at all about
locking up with Madeline despite her obvious strength
advantage -- and she's certainly showing she can hold her
own in a clinch!
{A side kick attempt, however, is avoided, and Freechild catches
Colt in a full nelson, then powers Kawaii into a dragon suplex.}
[Swayze]: *A* clinch ... not *that* clinch, though ...
{Freechild continues her assault with a grounded full nelson.}
[Escobar]: Since her return, Madeline's shown more of a
focus on this slow submission approach, contrasted to her
pure muscle style of old ... and one must admit, it may
prove a good idea to trim some of Colt's boundless energy
as soon as possible, wearing her down with vise-like grips
such as this ...
{When Kawaii breaks out, Madeline slaps at her, then locks a
half-nelson on and turns it into a half-nelson suplex.}
[Swayze]: Now THAT is a primo sis dis, bay-bee! Slap
across the chops, and then toss her around like before,
but ONE-HANDED!
{Kawaii gains a momentary advantage with an armbar, but loses it
when she misses a legdrop.}
[Escobar]: I think you may be reading a bit much into her
offense ... Colt recovers nicely from the suplex, keeping
a hold on Madeline's arm -- but Madeline prevents her from
capitalizing on it!
[Swayze]: Only thing I'm reading is the future, Justino--
and as I look into my crystal ball, I see Madeline FINALLY
blossoming into the dominating wrestler she always could
be! And let me tell you, that flower's color is RED!
{Freechild picks her up and drops her with a backbreaker, then
locks on a bearhug ... Kawaii slips out, and stops Madeline's
advance with a karate chop, but Freechild drives a short-arm
palm thrust into Colt's chin, and locks on a wakigatme armbar.}
[Escobar]: Quick exchange of tactics between these two
women ... and Freechild wins this round, taking Colt to
the mat again ...
[Marone]: I hate to pick on her or somethin', but Colt
lately seems to be having problems with the girls that
have been to Japan -- it's like she wasn't expecting them
to expect her, y'know?
{Freechild hoists Kawaii up in a Canadian backbreaker, and moves
to drop her into a powerbomb, but Colt reverses it into a rana.}
[Escobar]: Freechild moving her target inwards, as she
locks up Colt in a single shoulder rack ... she shifts
position, ready to send Colt-- NADA!
[Marone]: YES! Uh, not that I want to see Maddie lose
or anything.
[Swayze]: BUSTED! Hand in your journalist card, buddy!
[Marone]: I don't have one. Do they give those out?
[Escobar]: Don't worry about it.
{Colt gets up, hops on the top rope, and springs off for a
bodypress.}
[Escobar]: Colt surprised Madeline with that hurricarana
-- and now she takes down Maddie for a cover! One-- and
that's all she's going to get ...
{Freechild scoops Colt on her shoulders as the two get up, and
stands up to complete an Argentinian backbreaker.}
[Escobar]: Colt-- Maddie's got Colt in the Child's Play!
She-- no, Colt kicks a leg free, and rolls back down to
the mat!
[Marone]: There's that heart you were talkin' about,
Justin. A lot of wrestlers wouldn't have been able to
get out of the Child's Play like that.
[Swayze]: And a lot MORE, like our own Swedish
Sweetheart, wouldn't get put into it in the FIRST
place!
{Colt escapes, but Maddie turns around and grabs her head, then
throws her into a cradle suplex.}
[Escobar]: Kawaii is free, but Maddie seems quicker on the
draw -- and she's got a pinning predicament! No count ...
{Freechild stands up, and slaps Kawaii into a Boston crab.}
[Escobar]: Maddie is on Colt Kawaii like a BULLDOG -- she's
not going to give this young woman ANY chance to recollect
her senses!
[Swayze]: Earth to square -- this is a GOOD IDEA! Everyone
knows by now that Colt's a one trick pony -- if she can't
run or jump, she's glue!
{Madeline drops the hold, and pulls Colt back up, lifting her
back into the Argentinian backbreaker.}
[Escobar]: And Colt's put right back into the Child's Play
for a second time!
[Marone]: {halfway murmuring} Come on, girl, you did this
before ... you can deal with this ... come on ...
[Escobar]: The pain is evident on Colt Kawaii's face as
she struggles in the grip of what might very well be the
most painful hold in women's wrestling!
[Swayze]: Oh, it's pretty good -- but it's not the
Hammerlock of Thor! Remember, even Freechild submitted to
THAT ...
[Escobar]: But Colt Kawaii is *not* submitting ... she just
won't give up, even if she can't get out--
[Swayze]: Oh, you're breakin' my heart, Justin ... so she's
a masochist! A girl comes out dressed -- HALF dressed, I
might say -- like a cowboy when she's probably never even
seen a real cow, you know she's got issues.
[Marone]: {growling} YOU'RE going to have internal bleeding
in a moment ...
[Escobar]: {soto voce} Please, you two ... {louder} Madeline
looks frustrated ... she's just about hopping in the ring,
pulling harder on that hold ... and it's finally too much!
Colt Kawaii is throwing in the towel!
[Marone]: {BEEP} ... I thought she was going to make it.
Jeez, Maddie did seem kinda brutal there.
{Madeline lets Colt down, dropping to her knees herself for a
breather, as Rod Allen steps back into the ring.}
TIME: 6:40
[Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, by submission ...
MADELINE FREECHILD!!!
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Marone]
Man, and the day started so well ... {to the camera} chin up,
Colt! You'll get her next time!
[Swayze]
After that? She just spent more time in the Child's Play in ONE
GO than Dacia has this whole year! That's the proportional
equivalent of leaving one of those new Volkswagons in a junk
crusher for your lunch break! How cute is it then, huh?
[Escobar]
I think you may sell her short, Chad -- Colt Kawaii's resilience
may equal her agility ... no doubt this is not the end of her
rise here in Allied Wrestling. But for now, we're ready to get
some words with someone already unquestionably at the TOP of
Allied Wrestling ... let's go to OUR Chad, in the Sniper's Nest!
>>SNIPER'S NEST<<
[Chad Duncan]
Ladies and gentlemen, it IS my pleasure to introduce to you, at
this time, Allied Wrestling International's NORTH AMERICAN
CHAMPION ... please welcome, JEEERRRYYY STRRRAAAIIITE!
{"Here on Earth" by the Crash Test Dummies kicks up, and the
crowd bursts into cheers, as Jerry makes his way into the arena,
dressed casually in a Pan-Am Games '99 sweater and jeans, with
the title belt wrapped around his waist. He makes his way to the
Nest, and salutes the cheering fans.}
[Duncan]
Jerry, we saw at the top of the show the end of your match with
Toshiaki Hasegawa, which ended up outside the ring. How are you
feeling about what happened now?
[Jerry Straite]
Well, now, Chad, I'm thinking now that I've had a bit to cool off
that *maybe* I overreacted just a weeeee bit. But, y'know, I
don't think anybody's going to be forgetting to pay attention to
me for a little bit, no matter what Kerry figures, will they?
[Duncan]
One would think ... though apparently, that doesn't include
Hasegawa himself. I sort of doubt it.
[Straite]
{cocks his head thoughtfully} Come to think of it, it's been
quite a while since I drove someone's head through a chair. And
dammit, I missed it ... it's been too long. I want to do it
again. Several times.
{Chad starts to look a little nervous, as Jerry looks back at
him.}
[Straite]
Don't worry; I might be the only one in the promotion who won't,
but I don't beat up commentators.
But for right now, that's neither here nor there. I can't pull
that stunt *too* often. The championship commitee might not be
very impressed with me if I do. But dammit, wasn't it *FUN*?!?
{He looks out to the crowd, who reacts with positive gusto.}
[Duncan]
So we can't expect the same kind of action in the match at Danse
Macabre, then?
[Straite]
{with a feral grin} I was talking about *my* title matches, Chad.
All I gotta do for the Danse match is make sure I ain't caught
doing it!
[Duncan]
Ah! Well ... ummm ... do you have any comments about your new
partner Kerry Masters's intention to wrestle *both* the tag title
match *and* the Danse Macabre event itself?
[Straite]
Well, it shouldn't really matter to me, because our match is
before that. On the other hand, I was listenin' to Kerry announce
that, and it kinda got me interested. I mean, that Devil's Deal
is a heck of a temptation, don't ya think? What kind of a mess
could someone make with that contract in his back pocket, I
wonder?
So Kerry, always pay attention to whose around when you're
talkin' about challenges that no one else's willing to take on
... just on the off chance that someone else will.
[Duncan]
{pausing, with a surprised expression} Jerry ... are you saying
what I think you're saying?
[Straite]
I hope so, 'cause I'd hate to think what else I might mean. To
make it perfectly clear to everyone: Jerry Straite is throwing
his hat into Danse Macabre, and what's more, Mama Straite's
favourite boy intends to steal the DEVIL'S DEAL!!
{With that, Straite raises his arms in salute to the crowd, and
heads back to the back, shaking hands the whole way.}
[Swayze]: NINETEEN guys?!?! The AWI's gotta stop this before
it gets outta hand! This is crazy!!
[Escobar]: This is definitely a surprising turn of events--
[Marone]: Not to mention confusing. What happens when 8
guys make it to the second ring? Can 9 guys advance now?
Or are the others just S-O-L?
[Escobar]: That'll be a matter for the league to address,
which I'm sure they will before the 30th.
>>RING<<
[Rod Allen]
Our next contest, ladies and gentlemen, is set for one fall, with
a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, weighing in at
two hundred sixty-nine pounds ... from Sweetwater, Texas, he is
JACK ROBERTSON!
{"Back in Black" by AC/DC kicks in on the speakers, as Jack
Robertson marches down to the ring with a determined expression,
hailed with a fair amount of cheering.}
[Rod Allen]
And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at two-hundred
fifty-eight pounds ... from Salem, Massachussetts, the Reverend
JEREMIAH JAMES!
{The lights in the arena go out, except for a singular spotlight
at the entrance; the fans begin booing almost before Handel's
"Hallelujah Chorus (For Unto Us A Child Is Born)" begins playing.
Reverend James steps into the light, head bowed and arms raised
overhead, and begins walking down to the ring; as he climbs up
the step and enters, the light expands into a Celtic cross
pattern which slowly rotates around James as he begins to speak.}
[Reverend James]
Jack Robertson ... once before hast thou met the Reverend
Jeremiah James in this ring of rope and steel, and on that
occasion did thou recieve thy due sermon for the LORD ... and it
would have seemed the lesson was received with faith and joy, for
since that day, thou did return to thy home with a heavy heart,
ready to abandon this unholy path.
But nay, wisdom knocks at thy door but thou dost not hear ... and
so ill fortune and tribulations shall befall thee once more. Hear
this and know, oh Jack Robertson, that the LORD is wroth with
thee, who had been offered salvation once before and turned away.
Thy sermon tonight will not be so gentle. Such is the will of the
LORD ... Amen.
{He drops the mike, and the pair lock up in a collar-elbow tieup.
Reverend James gets the early advantage, and presses it with a
pair of sharp forearm uppercuts, followed by a double axehandle
smash.}
[Marone]: You know, every time I watch this guy, I go home
and flip through the ol' family holy book ... and I don't
recognize ANY of the stuff he's saying.
[Swayze]: Sure that's a James bible?
{He whips Jack into the ropes, and Jack leapfrogs over him off
the rebound; as Jack returns from the second bounce, James
clotheslines him.}
[Marone]: Well, yeah, actually, I think it is a King James
version ... got it from my grandma and--
[Swayze]: Nonono, REVEREND James version -- King James is
TOTALLY bogus. Like, how much does a KING know about God?
Trust the Rev, bay-bee!
{James pulls Jack up to a kneeling position, but Robertson uses a
single-leg takedown to floor him, the slaps on a headlock. James
twists free, and both men stand; Jack gets the jump on James,
literally, with a dropkick.}
[Escobar]: The Reverend's control of this match is beginning
to slip, as Jack Robertson begins to show some impressive
technical defense -- perhaps this is the benefit of Ed Carr's
training ...
[Swayze]: No ... if this was CARR training, Jack would have
to stop now and cough up another buck twenty-five.
{James staggers up to his feet, and Jack brings him down with a
drop toehold. He keeps a grip on the leg, and moves into a
spinning toehold.}
[Escobar]: The Reverend seems dumbfounded by Jack's renewed
offense -- no doubt, he was walking into this match with
the overconfidence of believing he'd face the Jack Robertson
of several months ago ... we are DEFINITELY seeing a new and
improved JR now!
[Swayze]: Yeah, THIS JR gets ignored by his enemies TWICE
as well as the old version!
{James breaks free of the lock; Jack lets him stand up, and
scoops him for a bodyslam.}
[Escobar]: NOBODY is ignoring THAT! Jack Robertson makes
the mat shake with a big bodyslam!
[Marone]: Apparently the Rev. James version of the Bible
isn't real thick on counters.
{Jack drags James back up, but the Reverend kicks him in the
midsection, then grabs his wrist and delivers a short-arm
elbowsmash; keeping hold of the arm, he pulls Jack up and repeats
the move.}
[Swayze]: Uh-oh, Jack ... you made him MAD ... I mean, MORE
mad than he was already, cuz he seemed pretty {beep}ed at
you to begin with ...
[Escobar]: Chad!
{He tries to repeat it again, but Jack reverses into an irish
whip; he charges after the Reverend, connecting with a hard
clothesline.}
[Escobar]: NADA! Once to the well too often for Reverend
James ... and Jack Robertson nearly takes off Jeremiah's
head with that lariat!
[Marone]: Lucky he has that collar to hold it on, huh?
{Jack climbs up the corner and begins raining punches down on
Jeremiah's head; James retaliates by throwing Jack over his
shoulder and out of the ring.}
[Escobar]: Jack Robertson is on fire now, driving fists
repeatedly into James' forehead -- no!
[Swayze]: You mean, Jack Robertson is on THE FLOOR now!
[Marone]: I'm beginning to think one of his commandments
is "Thou shalt not stay inside the ropes."
{James hops out of the ring, and whips Jack into the post.}
[Swayze]: You said a mouthful, Miko -- This is like
James's private temple, and this Texan lump is gonna be
a sacrificial bull pretty soon!
{He charges in after with a clothesline, but Jack moves aside
and James hits the post. Jack grabs his head and delivers a
DDT, then rolls back into the ring.}
[Escobar]: James continuing his brutal-- JACK'S OUT OF THE
WAY! And a DDT RIGHT INTO THE FLOOR!!! Jack rolls back
inside ... and Reverend James does NOT make the count!
Referee Tom Newman is calling for the bell!
TIME: 2:55
[Allen]
Your winner, as a result of a countout ... JACK ROBERTS--
[Escobar]: MADRE DIOS! Reverend James is ALL OVER Robertson,
as Rod Allen scrambles for cover! An elbow smash, and a
BIG atomic drop -- and he floors Robertson with a clothesline!
[Swayze]: That's what Jack gets for trying to get a cheap
win like that!
[Escobar]: What are you TALKING about!? JAMES was the one
who took it outside in the first place!
[Swayze]: Ex-ACTLY! Robertson's defying the good book by
getting back in the ring before the Reverend was good and
ready!
[Escobar]: The Reverend heading off before Jack's friends
can show up, but the damage has been done ... but the one
thing James can't take away from Robertson -- he's even
the record against the Right-On Reverend!
[Marone]: And already shown more class than his brother.
[Escobar]: Perhaps ... I think it's time to head back to
the lockers, and see if we can get an explanation out of
Steve the Insane ...
[Swayze]: Uh, look, he seems sorta busy, I don't think we--
=================================================================
{Steve the Insane is now sitting on a bench in front of a TV and
VCR. He's wearing a Team Stevens baseball jersey, an announcers'
headset, and has the toy wrestling ring now duct-taped to his
back. He also has a fairly clueless expression on his face.
While the camera can't quite pick up his comments, Steve is
quite animated in describing the match on the TV.}
=================================================================
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Marone]
Hey, y'know --
[Swayze]
Don't even -- look, this guy is WIERDING me OUT, man ... why do
we have to keep going BACK there, huh?
[Marone]
Double vision ... that kinda looked like YOU ...
[Swayze]
It did NOT! Escobo, don't we have a match to call? An interview
to see? Products to hock? Come ON, man, throw me a bone!
[Escobar]
Uh ... well ... fans, we'll be back after these messages ...
=================================================================
WHEN LINE OF FIRE RETURNS: The Scarecrow goes Insane!
COMMERCIALS: Overacted scenes, painfully hip teens, and Tommy
Jeans -- THE FACULTY, now in theatres ... YourWare -- Gateway
does for computers what Burger King does for sandwiches ...
Robots + Roleplaying = XENOGEARS, for the Sony Playstation ...
=================================================================
{Back in the locker room, on a close-up of the toy ring. Suddenly
"Gett Off" by Prince and the NPG can be heard, signalling the
arrival of ... a wrestling boot. The camera pans up the boot to
reveal Steve the Insane; upon reaching "ringside" and entering
the camera's view, he stops and does a double bicep pose as
dime-store sparklers go off behind him. Steve then turns to a
mirror positioned next to the toy ring, and does various
bodybuilder-esque poses as he begins to talk.}
[Steve the Insane]
I'm The True Trend Setter and Fine Girl Getter ... I'm The
Ratings Stalagmite ... I'm The Man the People Pay to See ... I'm
All That and a Side of Fries ... I'm smart, I'm funny, and gosh
darn it, people like me ... I'm Gumby damn it ...
{At this point, Paul Stone enters the camera view.}
[Paul Stone]
Hey, folks, your friendly neighborhood special assignment
reporter here ... hey, Steve, just what's the deal here?
[Steve]
Hrmm? {turning from the mirror} Oh, it's simple -- Dominic likes
to play dress-up, play Halloween, so I figured I'd do the same.
Scarecrows are kinda passe' though, so I figured I'd try a few
different costumes out. I mean, I'm an easy-going kinda guy ...
if Dominic wants to play, I can play too.
[Paul]
Um ... Steve, I wouldn't describe what Dominic Nightshade does
*playing*. {soto voce} Believe me, I would know. {aloud} I mean,
you yourself ASKED to make this a total no holds barred event --
don't you think you ought to take this a LITTLE seriously?
[Steve]
{becoming thoughtful} Actually, I'm taking this totally
seriously. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Nightshade
is a rather disturbed human being. I've seen it in tapes of his
matches before he came to the AWI. I saw it in his treatment of
you. I saw it when he hit my tag team partner upside the head
with a board. Now, I dunno if it's cause Nightshade is just a
mean person at heart and is trying to play mind games with
everyone, or if he had a bad childhood, or if his puppy died and
he's just upset about that, or what. Quite frankly -- I don't
care.
See, {chuckles} I kinda know all about bad childhoods and being
"disturbed". I don't go around randomly beating on people,
scaring people, or stuff like that. I try to laugh at situations
if at all possible, and make other folks laugh as well -- but
Dominic, don't you worry, I won't be laughing come match time,
and neither will you. You aren't worth the effort or energy for
repeated beatings, so I'm gonna get it /ALL/ outta my system this
one time. You wanna play mind games, Nightshade, take your best
shot -- in my lifetime, I've been messed over by some of the
best; I don't scare easily. You should be scared Dominic -- very
scared.
And, Perfection -- don't think I've forgotten about my Danse
partners, either. Pay close attention this week, 'cause this is
what you're in for. {pauses in thought} Hey ... now that would
work. Uh, Angela, honey ...
=================================================================
[Swayze]
NOW what's that nutcase got in mind?
[Marone]
Maybe he'll be Joe -- /he/ beat Dominic, after all.
>>RING<<
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the next bout is set for one fall ... it is
a NO HOLDS BARRED match -- no disqualifications, no time limit,
and falls count anywhere in this arena! Introducing first,
weighing in at two-hundred seventy-two pounds, from Sleepy
Hollow, Virginia ...
{Mussogorsky's stirring and eerie "Night on Bald Mountain" fills
the arena, and the crowds begin a low boo.}
[Rod Allen]
... the SCARECROW ... Dominic Nightshade!!!
And his opponent tonight, weighing in at two hundred seventy-two
pounds ... accompanied to the ring tonight by his manager, Angela
Dante, and his tag team partner, Joe Walker ... hailing from the
Yappian Institute for the Reality Impaired, this IS ... Doctor
STEVE THE INSANE!!!
{The crowd goes insane even before Rod's finished talking; Robert
Plant's scream heralds the opening of "The Immigrant's Song", as
Steve and his cohorts appear at the aisle entrance ... Steve is
wearing a leotard, cloak, furry boots, and a pointy metal Viking
helmet; he carries a steel chair, with stickers slapped on it
apparently to advertise Denny's, Chick-fil-A, Coors Light, and
Kay-Bee Toys. Angela is wearing a "Poison" t-shirt, cut just
above the midriff, and long jean shorts. She's also carrying a
length of chain, attached to Steve's collar. Joe follows the pair
in a tuxedo, carrying a remote control -- in front of him, a toy
tank rolls along, with a red-haired wig glued to the top of it.
As they get halfway down the aisle, the PA switches with an
audible "record scratch" to Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries".}
[Swayze]: This -- I -- what does that lunatic think he's
doing!!!
[Escobar]: {chuckling} It would seem that Halloween comes a
few weeks early for the AWI -- and Team Steve-ens, so to
speak, is getting into the trick or treat spirit!
[Swayze]: Oh, MAN, this is ... I'm going on strike!
{Steve passes by the ringside camera, singing along with the
music: "Kill the scawecwow, kill the scawecwow ..." He then cuts
himself off with a "Huss" before hopping onto the ring apron.
Angela climbs up the steps, and unhooks the chain from his
collar; she trades the chain for Steve's chair, walking back
down the steps as he enters the ring.}
[Rod Allen]
Your referee for this match is Tom Newman.
[Marone]: Heh -- I think your referee for this match is
getting a vacation.
[Swayze]: You know, these three losers don't know what
they're dealing with! Robbie's a powerful man!
[Marone]: Yeah, but Robbie never looked so good in that
t-shirt.
[Escobar]: Weren't you going on strike?
[Swayze]: Hey, have you /heard/ any keen analysis from
me since I started the picket?
[Marone]: Wow! How long /have/ you been on strike?
{Steve opens by whipping Dominic into the ropes, and charging
directly after him, clotheslining him over the top from behind.
Hanging the chain over his neck, he rolls outside to join
Nightshade, and starts hammering him with a series of headbutts;
after this, he grabs Dominic and whips him into the railing
further down the aisle.}
[Escobar]: Steve the Insane is not waiting a MOMENT before
making this the kind of punishing match he seems to be
craving! We're barely into the first minute of the match,
and he's already taken this into an outside brawl!
[Swayze]: This isn't wrestling, this is just plain sick!
Somebody should ban that lunatic from the ring!
[Marone]: Wouldn't help -- they're not IN the ring anymore.
{Steve rushes into a hopping boot kick, but Dominic sidesteps it;
he grabs Steve by the head from behind, and begins smashing him
into the railing. Dominic moves over to his wheelbarrow, and
pushes it hard into Steve; Steve moves aside, only to get caught
in a chokehold.}
[Escobar]: Something of a fake by Dominic, and he catches
Steve off his guard ...
[Swayze]: Not really surprising -- anybody stupid enough
to think he can fool this crowd with those dumb disguises
would fall for anything.
[Marone]: Gee, that almost sounded like analysis. Are you
off strike?
[Swayze]: Not a chance, Miko!
[Escobar]: See, it wasn't really /keen/, Mike.
{Steve punches free of the hold, and then uses the chain he's
carrying to choke Dominic. After a few seconds, he shoves Dominic
over the railing, falling downwards on the opposite side to add
pressure to the choke.}
[Swayze]: (beep)DAMN, Justin -- this is in-HU-man! This isn't
a match, it's an ASSASSINATION!
[Marone]: Wouldn't Dominic have to hold an office for that?
[Escobar]: This IS remarkably brutal, Chad -- but I doubt
Dominic had any illusions as to the extremes Steve is
capable of, nor is he the kind to hold back from
retaliating ...
[Marone]: You know, *I* don't have an office ... and I have
a desk job and everything ... something's wrong there ...
{Dominic manages to reach over the railing and get a grip on
Steve's head; he pulls Steve over the railing with a snap mare.}
[Escobar]: A desperation move by Dominic, and he's free!
[Marone]: I wouldn't even need a window ... just some room
for my stuff ...
[Swayze]: Justin ... he's DOING it again ...
{Stumbling around, he gets a hold of a purse from one of the
women in the crowd, and wraps the strap around Steve's neck to
strangle him.}
[Marone]: You know, I hear the word "choke artist" bandied
around the lockerrooms every so often ... but for some
reason, this wasn't how I saw it.
{Steve manages to pull the strap out of the purse to free
himself, and Dominic covers himself with a quick eye gouge/punch
combination; Steve retaliates with an elbow to the gut. Picking
up the chain again, he wraps it around Dominic's waist, and uses
it to sling him into (and over) the railing.}
[Escobar]: Steve finding 101 uses for a single accessory,
sending Dominic for a BIG ride back into the aisle!
{Steve climbs back over the railing himself, pulls a board from
the wheelbarrow, and does his level best to break it over
Dominic's head.}
[Marone]: It's nice to see Dominic isn't limited to just
Halloween -- he also brought birthday presents for Steve.
[Swayze]: Presents?! That was pure-out theft!
[Escobar]: It's a no-DQ match, Chad -- anything goes?
[Swayze]: What should GO is that sicko thief, all the way
to jail!
{Steve grabs Nightshade and tries to whip him into the opposite
railing, but Dominic scoops him up instead, then powerslams him
into the wheelbarrow.}
[Swayze]: I should have expected as much -- he associates
with known felons ...
[Escobar]: CASTIGO! Steve easily taking as much as he's
dished out ...
[Marone]: He's a creepy dude, but that Dominic is a
/dangerous/ creepy dude.
{Staggering back, he shoves the wheelbarrow into the railing,
jarring Steve, then flips it over, falling on top.}
[Escobar]: Referee Tom Newman rushing over to count a
pinfall -- remember, aficianados, these two can score a
win ANYWHERE in the building!
[Swayze]: Yeah, just in case you were deaf and didn't
catch "Lungs" Allen ripping that out.
{The ref counts: 1 ... 2 ... Steve gets a shoulder up. Dominic
pulls up Steve, and whips him down the aisle, through the
entrance curtains. He stalks out after him -- only to be taken
down at the entrance by Steve, returning with a float kick.}
[Marone]: Peekaboo! Steve hits you!
[Swayze]: It's bad enough he's stealing identities, and
stealing weapons -- now he's stealing MOVES! I gotta get
a hold of Robbie ... They should change the name of the
team to "Looking 4 Your TV and Good Jewelry"! Angela's
probably a cat burglar or something!
{He grabs Dominic by the hair and starts dragging him back down
the aisle towards the ring.}
[Escobar]: We may need to get a mobile camera back there
to-- no, wait, Steve seems to be on his way back ...
perhaps he's showing concern for what might lie in wait
outside the stadium -- such as Perfection?
[Swayze]: Are you trying to imply that Perfection would
stoop to jumping Steve in the hallways?
[Escobar]: Stranger things have happened ...
{Steve tries to lift Dominic, but he blocks, then scoops up Steve
and slams him onto the ringside steps. He then stumbles over to
get his wheelbarrow, fetching a rope and a metal trashcan.}
[Swayze]: First of all, they're above that sort of thing
-- you know, perfect. And second, you'd have to be a LOON
to get in between THESE two right now -- they'll get their
chance ... THREE of them ... to disassemble Steve at Danse
Macabre!
{Returning to Steve, Dominic begins whipping him with the rope as
he's trying to stand.}
[Swayze]: ... assuming that there's anything left when THIS
guy is through with him!
{He grabs Steve from behind with a waistlock, but Steve mulekicks
his knee, then turns around and backdrops Dominic onto the ring
apron.}
[Escobar]: Don't be so quick to count out Steve -- OLA!
[Marone]: You see, this is EXACTLY his kind of place to be
-- no matter how bad it looks for the fans, for Steve, all
this crazy stuff is HOME. So the worse Dominic gets, the
better Steve feels.
[Swayze]: Uh-huh. Dominic throws him through a plate glass
window, and Steve's reminded of Mom, huh? Justin, remind me
again why we're still here?!? I WANT HAZARD PAY!!!
{Steve shoves Dominic into the ring, and rolls in himself; he
drags Nightshade into the corner, and sets him up on the top
rope. He climbs up onto the second rope, but Dominic jumps off,
clotheslining him back to the mat. Nightshade then rolls out of
the ring, and slides under it.}
[Escobar]: Uh-oh ... Nightshade shifts from playing mind
games to simpler games, like hide and seek ...
[Marone]: I'd say we should send a camera guy to find him,
but he'd probably just get hit with a pumpkin.
{Steve shakes off his daze, and slides out of the ring, looking
for Nightshade. Wandering around the ring area, he suddenly gets
knocked down.}
[Escobar]: Steve is barely aware of his OWN bearings right
now, let alone the Scarecrow's -- what's this?
{The Scarecrow slides out from under the ring near Steve.}
[Swayze]: Walked right into THAT one, bay-bee! There's the
difference between these two -- Dominic is a THINKING
beast! Steve's just a creature of instinct! He has no
chance!
[Marone]: Hey, that's pretty good ... so, where'd YOU
hear it?
[Swayze]: Watching "King Kong vs. Godzilla" last night
on-- I mean, it's my own stuff! I'm a BRILLIANT
analyst-type guy!
[Escobar]: Except that you're on strike.
{Dominic pulls Steve up, and gets behind him; he manages a German
suplex right into the trashcan, leaving Steve doubled up with
head and feet sticking outside the can.}
[Swayze]: I've been in the sport longer than--
[Marone]: Not me.
[Swayze]: Well, longer than JUSTIN, okay? I'm, like, a
MAJOR expert! I -- OUCH!
[Escobar]: {uneasily} That 'analysis', I'll agree with --
the Insane One just left in a very painful AND untenable
position!
[Marone]: So, uh, Chad? What happened to being on strike?
[Swayze]: Huh? Oh, I'm, uh, still on strike. This is a
protest analysis ... y'know, like a protest march?
{Dominic drags the can over to the ring, and hefts it onto the
apron; after a second's breather, he swings a crescent kick into
it to knock it to the floor, spilling Steve out of the can. He
falls on top of Steve for a cover: 1 ... 2 ... Steve gets a
shoulder up.}
[Escobar]: Madre dios! I don't believe this! Steve the
Insane is suffering enough punishment for a DOZEN AWI
superstars, and he STILL can't be put down!
[Swayze]: I can put him down. Just watch me: he's stupid
... he's simple ... he's badly dressed ...
{Both men get up, and Steve whips Dominic into the barricade
near the press table.}
[Swayze]: ... he's--
[Marone]: He's coming this way.
[Swayze]: --what?!? Um ... I didn't say that ... look,
you get between us, Mike, yeah, right there.
>>PRESS TABLE<<
{Swayze shoves Mike to be closest to the approaching fight.
Steve walks over, then ducks underneath Dominic, preparing for a
vertical shoulderlift.}
[Marone]: Oh, man, is this going to be cool -- I heard
Steve was working on a-- {barely audible} HEY!!!
{Dominic reaches behind him, and grabs the headset off Mike's
head, and swings it down in a double axehandle motion to whack
Steve in the head; he then turns around and begins grinding a
fist into Steve's eyes.}
[Marone]: {fumbling with headset} Oh, great -- {grumpily}
thanks for making me a part of that ...
{Dominic steps onto the railing, and jumps off to hit Steve with
a bulldog lariat.}
[Escobar]: Dominic recovering quickly ... and he hits THE
HARVESTER!
[Marone]: Uh-oh ... Steve's too young to end up as a loaf
of bread!
{Dominic pulls Steve over to the apron, and climbs up onto it
with him; Steve pushes him away, then grabs his hair and leaps
off, slamming him facefirst into the ground.}
[Escobar]: Dominic bringing him to the ring for more
punishment-- no! YAPPIAN BULLDOG!!!
[Marone]: Yappian Bulldog SUPREME.
[Swayze]: What are you, the Steve the Insane team coach?
{Both men stagger up; Steve grab Dominic in a front waistlock,
and falls backwards to drop his head onto the ringside steps.}
[Escobar]: THE FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!!! THIS COULD BE IT!!!
[Swayze]: Oh, man, I'm feelin' queasy ...
[Escobar]: Steve the Insane just decapitated Dominic, and
that HAS to be the last straw, no pun intended, for-- wait
... Steve doesn't seem to be even trying to make a cover
-- this doesn't make sense ... wait, he's talking to the
referee ... he wants a knockout count?
[Marone]: I don't blame him. I wouldn't trust Dominic
enough to touch him for 3 seconds either.
[Escobar]: We've got a 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... 7 ... 8-- no,
wait, Dominic's up to his knees, he's answering the ref!
{Steve staggers up, and pulls Dominic to his feet; he hefts
Dominic into a shoulder sit, then drops to his knees, swinging
Dominic down facefirst into the floor. Without letting go of
Nightshade's legs, Steve flexes backwards, sending Dominic over
him in a wheelbarrow suplex.
[Escobar]: No pinfall, perhaps -- but a BRUTAL combination
by the Insane One!
[Marone]: Down And Out, man -- THAT'S what I was looking for
when that creepo took my gear! That has to be the worst
thing that can happen to a guy since ... well, since the
last ten things Steve did to this guy!
{Steve motions to Angela, who tosses him the custom steel chair;
he rushes Dominic with it, only to get taken down with a crescent
kick that knocks the chair into him. Steve shakes it off quickly,
and nails Nightshade with a sidearm swing; he drops the chair,
and cinches a front facelock, but Dominic braces himself to block
the DDT attempt that follows, and punches Steve off. Steve falls
to the floor, and drop toeholds Dominic into the chair.}
[Escobar]: Dominic and Steve both adapting quickly to each
other's offense ... I'm telling you, aficionados, this bout
could EASILY go either way!
[Swayze]: Yeah -- either Steve could get pinned ... or
Steve could get SERIOUSLY AND PERMANENTLY INJURED! God, I
hope Corey's taping this ...
{Steve picks up the "Bradley" toy, and lifts it overhead as
Dominic stands, but Dominic kicks him in the midsection to cut
off his blow. He then slides under the ring, emerging several
moments later on the other side; he grabs a broom, which he
manages to catch Steve with in the chest as Steve closes in on
him.}
[Marone]: GEEZ! This punk has more tricks hidden away than
Doug Henning!
{Dominic sweeps Steve across the eyes with the straw end of the
broom, then closes in to deliver an inverted atomic drop. As
Steve is reeling, Dominic slides him up into a fireman's carry,
and drops a fallaway slam over the railing; hooking his legs in
the railing, he holds for a pin cover: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
TIME: 7:23
=================================================================
{The screen cuts to an image of a pair of crash-test dummies
fitted with tights in a mock-wrestling ring; they are driven
together by motorized pistons, colliding in the center of the
ring with a CGI explosion that fades to reveal the "GM" logo in
the background, with the words "General Motors CRASH TEST!"
superimposed over it ... it then splits apart, opening like
doors to show slow motion footage of Dominic Nightshade
powerslamming Steve onto the wheelbarrow, then turning it over
for a cover.}
[Escobar]: These two men pushed themselves -- and each
other -- to the limit ...
{"Pixel fades" to a slow-motion scene of Steve the Insane's
electric chair powerbomb/wheelbarrow suplex combination.}
[Escobar]: ... and beyond! That's brutal! That's impact!
That's the General Motors Crash Test! And the kind folks at
General Motors would like to remind everyone watching, that
seat belts save lives, so buckle up!
=================================================================
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Escobar]
A novel variant fall, and the Scarecrow will walk away with a win
... but this certainly was never a sure thing!
[Swayze]
Woulda, coulda, shoulda -- the bottom line is that Dominic took
him DOWN, bay-bee! And you're missin' the big picture here,
Justino -- Dom LITERALLY beat Steve at his own game! If this
rookie can do it, how can he POSSIBLY stand a chance against
seasoned veterans, former CHAMPIONS even, like Perfection?
[Marone]
Well, he does get a partner ...
[Escobar]
On that note, let's get a ... 'new perspective', you might say,
on another part of the AWI tag team scene.
=================================================================
{The camera shot opens on a bird's-eye view of the wrestling
ring, the angle making it seem dizzyingly high ... and then the
ring rushes towards the camera, then spins crazily ... when
the view resolves itself, the shot has rotated past the empty
seats of the arena towards the ceiling superstructure, and the
rope tied to it that is apparently holding the camera ... seated
on the workmen's walkway, straddling the rope, is Charlie Hazard,
wearing black jeans and boots, an "Ed Carr Wrestling Academy"
t-shirt, and a bizarre robe/trenchcoat constructed of white
terrycloth towels held together by duct tape.}
[Hazard]
It's always good to see things from a different point of view, I
think ... From up here, the ring seems so small, so tiny, so
insignificant -- the way all of you have made ME feel, every time
you shove me around, every time you've IGNORED me, made fun of
me, even BOOED me. With no one here, so high up, a voice echoes
around ... it's so empty, so hollow -- and I know all about empty
and hollow ...
But now I'm up HERE, get it? THIS is the key, being on TOP OF THE
WORLD! It doesn't matter if you were good or bad, if you were a
nobody, if you were a loser, even if the love of your life walked
out the door and took EVERYTHING, if EVERYONE you knew KICKED YOU
AROUND ... because I've seen it on TV, I've seen it in the movies
... you go to the rafters ... you skulk, and hide, and creep
quietly -- maybe you even write bad poetry ...
Once upon a time an ugly little hunchback hid in the rafters, and
when he came out, they made him KING of a festival ... the
Phantom of the Opera crept around up here, and he was the hit of
Broadway ... even wrestlers are doing it. I know why, now -- when
you're up here, up in the rafters, no matter who you are, they
LOVE you ... the fans look up to you -- THEY HAVE TO LOOK UP TO
YOU! And when they look up, they don't SEE a loser anymore --
they see an ANGEL coming down from the HEAVENS, they see Superman
or Underdog coming to save the day -- or maybe they just see the
bat or blackbird that haunts their dreams -- but they CHEER IT
ANYWAY!
At the Danse Overture, I'm going to finally get my chance to BE
somebody, to not BE a loser anymore ... and I've finally found
the secret to making that happen. So when you walk down that
aisle to face me and my Grey Guardian Angel, Chaos Brothers ...
LOOK TO THE SKIES! LOOK FOR DEATHWISH CHARLIE, 'cuz that's where
I'll be, and the fans will FINALLY LOVE *ME*, CHEER *ME*, and
I'll be the HERO nobody ever wanted me to be ... OR DIE TRYING!
=================================================================
>>PRESS BOOTH<<
[Escobar]: That man doesn't need a match, he needs counseling.
[Marone]
{craning his neck up} Man, do you think he could still be UP
there? I can't really tell ...
[Swayze]
I wouldn't worry about it ... unless you've been doing a lot of
kissing up to that bully of the blue collar man, Blunt Dakota!
DAMN, I don't want to be in his army boots when that nutca-- I
mean, when that poor victimized man finally gets his big shot at
payback. BOOM, bay-bee, like an M-X missile -- death from above!
[Escobar]
I don't think you should be encouraging a man like that ... in
any case, he and his partner WILL be facing off against the
Chaos Brothers at the Danse Overture next week -- and if the Chaos
Brothers win, Hazard is out of this league in ANY capacity, while
if Hazard somehow wins, he gets to wrestle until someone beats
him.
>>AISLE<<
{"Working in a Chain Gang" by Sam Cooke plays over the speakers,
as Felony Slade heads down the aisle in a white shirt and tie --
and denim jeans and vest ... he chats amiably with a few fans on
his way to the Sniper's Nest, and takes a pen from one to sign
a poster, then heads on his way after stuffing the pen in his
vest pocket.}
[Duncan]
Calling this a bit of a surprise would be an understatement, I
think ... no offense, Mr. Slade, but where's the body you're
supposed to be guarding?
[Slade]
Well, that's what I'm out here to talk about. See, the boss guy
is {slowing down, as if reciting} on a very important and serious
administrative mission in San Diego that is all about making sure
this is the greatest wrestling promotion in the world, and has
nothing to do with his World Series tickets a coupla weeks ago
or how much warmer it is there than here. {Speaking more
normally} Yeah, that's what he said.
[Swayze]: WHAT? Oh, I feel so sorry for you two, having such
a lackluster employer and all ...
[Duncan]
I think I'm beginning to see the picture -- but why are YOU here?
[Slade]
Well, while he was performing his highly important and wrestling-
related duties in San Diego, Mr. Chamberlin decided some events
back here needed his attention. So he sent me a letter to read
here tonight. Can I? {reaching for the mic}
[Duncan]
Sure.
{He pulls out a piece of paper from his jeans pocket, uncrumples
it, and holds it in one hand while talking into the mic.}
[Slade]
{SQUUUUUUUUUEEEE} Um, sorry about that ... {he coughs to clear
his throat, then reads somewhat deliberately}
"What up, {city}?" {pauses as the crowd cheers, and grins a bit.}
First off, props to our new TV champ, Joe Walker ... but along
with that, there's a grievance to address from our OLD TV champion,
Mr. Robbie Stevens.
[Swayze]: FINALLY ... I was wondering how long it would
take Hugo Agogo to deliver this nono.
"In response to your complaints that Joe Walker should have been
disqualified for breaking Tennessee state reg ... regoo ..." Say,
Chad, what's that word?
[Duncan]
"Regulations."
[Slade]
Hey, thanks. Man, if the boss guy talked as formal-like as he
writes, I'd need somebody to translate. OK, "... regulations, the
AWI has carefully reviewed this matter. Yes, the piledriver is
outlawed in the state of Tennessee, where said title match took
place. On the other hand, the Poppa Bomb is only FRACTIONALLY a
piledriver, and thus only fractionally illegal. Hence, I have
consulted with senior referee Curtis Keyes, and he has agreed
to retroactively issue a referee warning against Joe Walker."
{Felony looks up from the letter and wags a finger towards the
camera} Naughty, naughty, Joe. Don't do that to Robbie in
Nashville again.
OK, lessee what else he wrote ...
[Swayze]: What -- that's IT?!? Sonuva -- Robbie always said
Hugo was soft on felons! I mean, look at who he sent here to
cover his hide! I'm tellin' you, that man is MADE, bay-bee!
[Felony]
{reading again} "Second, to address the recent incidents involving
Team Stevens, Jerry Straite, and Kerry Masters. Generally speaking,
Joey, if the AWI wants a clown wrestling for us, we'll hire one,
so please don't make job hints to Kerry anymore. Normally, the word
'ka-ching' would follow, but it seems like Straite has already
exacted a reasonable fine from your hide. Speaking of which -- I
understand there was payback involved, but we like our champions
to not scare little children and old ladies, so if Jerry Hyde
comes out to play again soon, we may have to forward you the
addresses of some of my favorite charities."
[Swayze]: Right, godfather, we understand -- well, look out,
because Smilin' Joey's got his own connections, see? Your
days are numbered, Corleone!
[Felony]
{still reading} "Lastly, Mr. Chad Swayze ..."
[Swayze]: Huh?
[Felony]
"While the AWI has shown great lat ... lat --" no, I got this
one, Chad -- "latitude" -- see, I told you -- "latitude in your
presence at the broadcast booth, the line only goes so far. If
you are found to be aiding any more ambushes while acting in the
capacity of a commentator, the AWI will BAN you from the
pressbox until further notice."
[Swayze]: WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! I HAVE MY RIGHTS!
[Marone]: Looks like you'll have those rights in the
lockers pretty soon ... hey, can I have your seat? It's
got a better microphone.
[Swayze]: I'M NOT /GOING/ ANYWHERE!!!
[Felony]
That's pretty much the end of the letter -- there's some stuff
about feedin' his fish, but I don't think that's important ...
thanks for listening!
{"Working On the Chain Gang" kicks up again, and Felony heads
out -- then trots back a few seconds later, sheepishly handing
back the mic, before heading back down the aisle, returning the
pen to an amused fan along the way.}
[Escobar]: That was a rather ... interesting turn of
events ... unfortunately, the next turn of events WE take
is going to be a commercial break.
[Swayze]: Obviously brought to you by men of respect! But
we won't take this lying down! Mark my words, Hugo, the
Main Man will take care of this!
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: The War Machine meets a suplex machine!
COMMERCIALS: What movie is this trailer for? Why are all those
kids talking to themselves? Which guy is that girl going out with
again? How come the coach isn't in on this? HOW CAN YOU LET THAT
GUY TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF??? DAMN, THAT CHICK IS HOT!!! WHAT DOES
THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FOOTBALL??? IS THERE A STORY HERE??? Varsity
Blues: it's the one without the aliens or Tommy jeans.
=================================================================
{The camera cuts to an animated scene, depicting two figures
which seem to be rather distorted, melodramatic versions of
Steve the Insane and Joe Walker, confronting a pair of men in
wrestling tights and ninja accessories, in a wrestling ring which
looks about a mile wide; the two appear to be speaking in angry
Japanese, somewhat hushed as if from a distance.}
[Voiceover]: {whispery} You know, this looks very strange.
{The animated Looking For A Fight rushes forward with a
simultaneous yell, as the background turns black, streaked with
multicolored "speed lines".}
[Anime Joe]
{Grabs one ninja} SUPININGU MANHATTAN BUSTA!!!
{"Joe" spins the ninja around vertically about a dozen times,
eventually looking like a whirlwind in front of him, before
throwing him down on one knee. The scene cuts to "Steve", who
waistlocks the other ninja.}
[Anime Steve]
FURANTARU ROBOTOMI!!!
{"Steve" appears to grow to Godzilla-esque proportions as he
falls backwards; the ninja's head collides with the ringpost and
literally explodes in a shower of red, which is thankfully
obscured by the camera backing up to reveal (live action) Steve
and Joe on a couch, watching the above on a television set, with
slightly shell-shocked expressions; a Japanese man in business
suit and sunglasses kneels in front of the TV, gesturing
encouragingly.}
[Joe & Steve]
{in unison} Uhhhh ... no.
{Cut to image of the AWI logo.}
: There's No Substitute.
{Cut back to Joe, Steve, and the TV, which is now showing a
animated Angela Dante (big eyes, small mouth), sporting a
rather scanty "Sailor Moon" style uniform.}
[Steve]
On the other hand ...
=================================================================
{We fade into a night time scene of a city park, where the camera
follows a *very* tall man with short-trimmed rusty brown hair
walking along a narrow asphalt path, wearing stone-washed black
denim pants, a blue-grey laced shirt, and a dark brown leather
dress jacket. Any but the most casual AWI fan would recognize
him quickly as the "War Machine" Greg Gardner.}
[Greg Gardner]
Out for a little fresh air tonight, but I can tell you, that air
sure seems a little colder now ... it's carrying that extra chill
that comes from the Halloween winds. You know the ones: the winds
that carry the ghosts ... that carry the nightmares ... that
carry the bad memories.
{The camera slowly zooms as he talks.}
Bad memories. Kerry Masters is on the prowl again, sniffing after
every John Doe with a gold belt, as Kerry is wont to do -- *and*
dropping my name along the way to perk up some ears. Wasn't all
that long ago when I was giving Mr. Masters everything he'd need
to talk about and more ... but the less said about that, the
better -- consider that advice, Kerry.
Bad memories, like the kind Reverend James had to go and dig up:
one of my best friends in the business skirting the edge of
sanity, and putting the hurt on another of our friends. Now that
friend is putting his neck on the line in a World Championship
match ... and courtesy of the same man who claimed credit for his
trip to the edge. Justice, my friend, you better believe I would
be thrilled to see you walk out of that ring as the Man -- but
you watch your back in there, and know that I'm watching it, too.
Bad memories. Justice went to the edge and came back ... Jack
Fury, you went *over* the edge, and just kept going. Once upon a
time, you chose to stand against me alongside a man you hated
more than anything, in the name of respect. You got my respect
that night, Jack ... and you kept my respect the night you
twisted my leg in half and won back the title I took from you at
Union 1. But I look at you now, Jack, and I don't see the man who
earned that respect. I see excuses ... I see shortcuts ... I see
lies ... but most of all, Jack Fury, I see FEAR -- because you
know, since we last met, the War Machine has only gotten better,
and Jack Fury has only gotten bitter.
It's a little ironic, Jack, that it's going to take the AWI's own
answer to Halloween to make you face that fear ... to make you
face ME. On the 30th, I WILL enter the four rings of the Danse
Macabre, and I WILL walk out the winner ... and then I'll have
you where you can't run away, Jack. And after that, you're going
to be nothing but a bad memory once again ...
=================================================================
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our Line of Fire MAIN EVENT!
{The crowd cheers in anticipation.}
[Allen]
Introducing first, already in the ring ... weighing in at two
hundred forty pounds ... accompanied at ringside tonight by his
manager, the "Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston ... from Jackson,
Mississippi, he is the MASTER of the Northern Lights Suplex ...
MAURICE JACKSON!
{Maurice rubs his arms and shrugs his shoulders in a generic
loosening up preparation, as the crowd boos mildly.}
[Allen]
And his opponent tonight ... stands SEVEN FEET, one inch tall
... weighing in at three hundred eighty-five pounds ...
{Smoke projectors begin pouring out a cloud near the aisle
entrance, as "War Pigs" (the Faith No More cover) begins to roar
over the speakers, and the crowd does their level best to drown
it out with their cheers. Spotlights within the cloud illuminate
a BIG shadow inside it.}
[Rod Allen]
... this is the WWWAAARRR MACHINE ... GREG ... GARDNER!!!
{Gardner emerges from the smoke cloud, as sparklers spout up
around him; he circles around for a moment, acknowledging the
crowd, before continuing down the aisle.}
[Escobar]: Listen to that crowd! This promises to be a
great match -- and Gardner's first bout with a title
contender since his unfortunate loss to Ken Mischief at
International Incident.
[Swayze]: Unfortunate? Try "uninteresting", "unsurprising",
or "unavoidable"! You like to make a big deal about what a
sportsman Gardner is -- well, he ought to be disqualified
during every match, because he CHOKES!
{Gardner and Jackson lock up for a collar elbow tieup, but
Maurice immediately throws a knee into Gardner's crotch; he moves
around for a go-behind takedown, and locks scissors around Greg's
abdomen.}
[Escobar]: Textbook takedown and technical hold from Mr. NLS
-- though preceded by a 'counter' more in line with his new
manager's style.
[Swayze]: Style, style ... why pick apart everything into
styles? Don't you know the best style is not having a style?
[Marone]: No style, huh? I think you've got that covered.
{Gardner pushes out, and Jackson whacks him with a heel kick
before standing.}
[Swayze]: {disgusted} Laugh it up, goofy, I'm just trying
to pass along the wisdom of the ancient Shao-Lin temples--
[Escobar]: --as heard on "Enter the Dragon", I would guess.
{Pulling Gardner up, he tries to whips Greg into the ropes; Greg
reverses the whip, sending Jackson into the corner.}
[Swayze]: Yeah, so? It's a matter of record that Bruce Lee
has only 3 surviving students -- and only one in active
competition today! Go on, guess!
[Escobar]: I think I'll pass.
{He lets Maurice stagger out, before whipping him to the opposite
corner; as Maurice bounces out, he scoops him up onto one
shoulder, turns around, and drops him with a running powerslam,
hooking a leg for a cover: 1 ... Maurice throws a foot onto the
ropes, and Gardner breaks cleanly.}
[Escobar]: The War Machine asserting control over this match
RIGHT from the get go! No doubt, Maurice Jackson is wishing
he was anywhere but in the ring with this monster right now!
[Swayze]: Are you kidding? You think ONE big move from this
guy is going to scare off Maurice? That man is confidence
incarnate -- just give him a little time to get running,
and he'll find a way to take apart Gardner for good!
{Both men stand up, and Greg snares Jackson with a headlock; he
counters with a legsweep to drop Greg, then rushes to the ropes.
Bouncing off, he leaps for a kneedrop, but Gardner rolls aside.}
[Marone]: You know, something about this seems ...
backwards.
[Swayze]: What, that it's the 400 pound gorilla there
ducking and dodging instead of the finely honed athlete he's
facing?
{Both men stand; Greg scoops up Jackson and slams him, then pulls
him back to his feet to whip into the turnbuckles.}
[Marone]: {fumbling sounds} No, my headset -- it got put on
backwards after Dominic messed with it.
[Swayze]: I think the head/set/ was on correctly.
{He picks Maurice up from the corner, and presses him overhead
before slamming him down again.}
[Escobar]: TOWERING press slam! Maurice Jackson gets taken
up over ten feet in the air, and dropped back to the mat!
[Marone]: No parachute, either. Ouch.
{Greg lets Maurice back to his feet, and then whips him into the
ropes, catching him on the rebound with a big boot kick. He pulls
Maurice back up, for which he is thanked with a punch to the
groin. Maurice attempts an armbar, but Gardner blocks it; he
cinches up Jackson in a bearhug.}
[Escobar]: Even trade between these two men -- I would
certainly be hard-pressed to call a winner at this point ...
[Swayze]: Don't worry -- it won't be long before Mo-Jack
works his NLS mojo, and then you can let Rod do the only
winner-calling that counts!
[Marone]: So when you call the winner names, that doesn't
count?
[Swayze]: Don't you have to go stuff your mouth with hot
dogs or something?
[Marone]: Nah -- seein' Colt 'n' Steve lose cost me my
appetite.
{Jackson twists free, and takes down Gardner with a legwheel judo
throw. Dropping to the mat, he again locks Gardner in abdominal
scissors.}
[Escobar]: Not to deny Maurice any credit due, but I think
it may be quite some time before we see a northern lights
suplex from him in this match -- he seems more focussed on
this steady paced mat-wrestling approach.
[Marone]: That, and a whole buncha holds.
{Gardner breaks free, and Jackson smacks him with a foot to the
chest.}
[Swayze]: It's like hypnotizing a snake, Justin ... you
... make ... slooowww ... movements ... and ... theeennn
...
{He stands up, bounces off the near ropes, and attempts another
kneedrop -- and again misses.}
[Swayze]: ... WHA-BAM! Uh -- whoops.
[Marone]: OK, so at this point, what does Mo do for
antivenin?
[Swayze]: Put a lid on it, Miko.
{This time, he's quicker to recover, and grabs Gardner in a
headlock on the mat.}
[Marone]: Maybe he really IS wrestling the mat, and
that's why he keeps knee dropping it?
[Swayze]: Lid, you -- why is this so hard a concept?
{Standing up, attempts to whip Greg into the corner, but Greg
reverses ... and then Maurice reverses *again*, so Greg hits the
turnbuckles anyways.}
[Escobar]: Counter by Greg-- NO, by Maurice!
[Swayze]: Don't undersell this man -- he may not be a
giant, but Maurice Jackson is one STRONG man! Throwing
victim after victim over his head in those crushing
suplexes is better than barbells, bay-bee!
{Maurice rushes in with a standing splash, but Gardner catches
him in a waistlock, then drops him on a knee. Jackson rolls out
of the ring. Gardner steps over the top rope and hops off the
apron.}
[Escobar]: Mr. NLS looks to be taking a breather, but the
War Machine is not ready to call a cease fire yet ... he
stalks after Maurice Jackson, as the smaller man confers
with Alliyah Johnston ... wait a minute -- she seems to
be handing him something ...
[Marone]: I got a bad feeling about this ...
[Swayze]: I got a GREEEEEAT feelin' about this!
{Gardner catches up to Maurice, just in time for Jackson to
spin around and cut Gardner in the jaw with a HARD punch; Gardner
goes down flat.}
[Swayze]: Wha-BAM, bay-bee! I always knew the big man had
a glass jaw! Alliyah passing on a little boxing know-how,
and Godzilla is O-U-T! Haha!
[Escobar]: Boxing knowledge?!? I think I see what's going
on here -- Maurice has a pair of brass knuckles on that
hand! I think it's obvious Alliyah was passing on more than
words of wisdom!
[Swayze]: It's what you call SOLID advice, Justino!
{Maurice picks up Gardner, and drops him with a belly-to-belly
suplex. He then pulls Greg back to his knees before slamming him
in the chin with another knuckle duster.}
[Escobar]: This is absolutely evil! Maurice Jackson pushing
Greg back into the ring before the referee's count is
completed ... he might very well use one of his NLS specials
right now, and what a travesty it would be!
[Swayze]: Same travesty we get every night with Jackson --
only seeing ONE of his northern lights suplexes! What a
tease!
{Maurice bounces off the ropes and rushes Gardner, who rolls to
one side; Jackson hops over him and continues to the opposite
side as Gardner gets to his feet. Jackson rebounds, only to get
intercepted by a high-elevation sidewalk slam from Gardner.}
[Escobar]: Maurice on his game this time, choosing to skip
the kneedrops and try a standing target ... AND WHAT A
STAND!!! SKYWALK SLAM from the big man -- I wouldn't have
thought he had it in him!
{Gardner shakes off some obvious exhaustion, and goes to pull up
Maurice; Maurice knocks him away with a headbutt. Jackson then
locks Gardner in an abdominal stretch.}
[Escobar]: Maurice Jackson has not had much luck with the
faster paced match, so he wisely chooses to slow the pace
down, and keep Gardner immobilized ...
[Marone]: Not to mention putting the hurt on his stomach
... everyone can see how knocking out your knee slows you
down for the rest of the match, but I'm not sure people
appreciate how tough it is to fight when your gut is all
bruised and stiff -- it's like being wrapped up in an
invisible straitjacket ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, like Greg could GET any stiffer ... I'd
put more money on Al Gore in a mobility contest.
{Gardner breaks free; he grabs Maurice by the wrist, and yanks
him in for a shortarm kneelift. Pulling Jackson back to his feet,
Greg eats another headbutt counter; Maurice manages to lift Greg
across his shoulders, then shrug him forward to drop rib-first
onto one knee.}
[Escobar]: Hard impact maneuver from Mr. NLS -- as you
reminded us earlier, Chad, Maurice may not be the biggest
man in AWI, but there is no lack of muscle on those arms!
[Marone]: Just a lack of arms on those muscles.
{Jackson drops to the mat, locking on a grounded abdominal
stretch.}
[Escobar]: I'd have to put some stock in Mike's
interpretation -- Maurice Jackson might very well be
looking to compromise Gardner's power assault ...
{Gardner breaks free, and smacks Maurice with a forearm; standing
up, he cinches on a bearhug.}
[Marone]: Right -- and Greg's gettin' in some payback for
it ...
{Maurice pushes free of the hug, and kicks Gardner in the
midsection; Gardner counters with a shortarm kneelift, then
quickly hooks Maurice's arms over his back for a tiger bomb.}
[Marone]: RICHTER scale, man!
[Escobar]: Gardner steps up the offense, and makes a cover
-- 1 ... Maurice kicks free!
[Swayze]: That's it! You can't keep the Mo-Master down for
long!
{Gardner grabs Jackson in a side headlock, and pulls him to his
feet; he bends Maurice down, crosses Jackson's arms beneath his
chest, and uses them to swing him up into another powerbomb.}
[Escobar]: Gardner maintaining control ... and a PYRAMID
DRIVER marks detonation numero dos! One! Two! Thre--no!
Maurice rakes a boot across Gardner's eye to break the
fall.
[Marone]: I don't think the big guy has much left in him ...
Mo's obviously hurt too, but he's got a lot more tricks up
his sleeve ... (*grumbling*) like brass knuckles.
[Swayze]: Anything to put a "V" in the "me" column, Miko!
Pretty soon, the Gardner gauge is gonna be runnin' a big
fat "E", and then it's Mo-Rees if you Plees!
{Both men get to their feet; Maurice takes Gardner down with an
armdrag. He pulls Gardner up, and cinches him in preparation for
a suplex, but Gardner blocks, and lifts him up vertical suplex
style instead; as he falls backwards, Gardner lets Jackson drop
in front of him, landing in a powerbomb position. He leans
forward to make a cover, but Maurice quickly kicks out, and rolls
out of the ring.}
[Swayze]: Yes! Suplex time! Here comes the -- HEY!!!
[Escobar]: OLA! Maurice Jackson HIGH in the air -- and Greg
Gardner crushes Mr. NLS with ... you might call it a variant
of the Straite Down ...
[Marone]: And Mo is going straight OUTTA the ring, man!
{Alliyah hands Jackson the knuckles again, as Gardner steps over
the ropes; this time, Gardner hops off the apron to hit Maurice
with an elbowsmash.}
[Escobar]: Gardner on the chase -- but he's taking the high
road this time!
[Swayze]: {disgusted} Amazing ... it can learn.
{Alliyah hits Gardner from behind with a karate kick; Gardner
recovers, and grabs her, setting her down (relatively) harmlessly
behind the barricade -- but allowing Jackson to rabbit punch him
with the knuckles.}
[Escobar]: NO! Gardner taking the chivalric route to safety
-- and Maurice Jackson backstabs him for his trouble!
[Marone]: I don't know -- that looked more like it hit his
neck.
[Swayze]: What do you expect for the way he brutalized that
poor lady?
[Escobar]: BRUTA -- Chad, every so often it would help if
you'd watch the same match WE are!
[Swayze]: Can I help it if you're ignoring the obvious?
{Jackson pulls Greg back to his feet, and grabs him for a repeat
of the earlier belly-to-belly, but Gardner picks him up for an
elevated sidewalk slam instead.}
[Escobar]: Jackson falling back to his tried and tested
gameplan -- but another Skywalk Slam, and he's staring at
the ceiling!
{Gardner staggers back to the ring and rolls inside, just in time
to avoid the final count.}
[Escobar]: Gardner's back inside ... and the referee is
calling for the bell! Maurice has been counted out!
TIME: 6:17
>>AISLE<<
{A BIG man with bushy mustache and muttonchops can be seen making
his way down to the ring, with a rather grim expression on his
face.}
[Escobar]: What's this-- it's Riverboat! Riverboat, of the
Mississippi Mob! He's heading to the ring right now -- and
he's just ripping away those knuckles from Maurice!
[Swayze]: Run, Mo! It's an ambush! Gardner's hired backup!
{Riverboat rolls into the ring, and motions over Curtis Keyes;
he begins talking to him rather irritatedly.}
[Escobar]: It seems he's upset about the use of those
knuckles, and wants to set the record straight with Keyes
-- though frankly, given that Greg has already won the
match, I suppose it's merely a matter of principle ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, right, you don't think he could be trying
to cheap Greg into TWO wins over Jackson? Hmm? Punk ...
{Keyes calls over Greg, who walks over slowly; the three talk for
a moment, and Gardner gets a stunned expression on his face,
staring at Keyes, then Riverboat, as if he'd grown a third eye.}
[Escobar]: This is getting stranger by the second -- I --
I think Riverboat is actually claiming that GREG used those
brass knuckles on Maurice!
[Marone]: Man, I know the monitors in back are fuzzy, but
that's really out of whack. You mind if I go tell him he's
got it all mixed up, Justin?
[Swayze]: No WAY, Maronay! You keep your pants plastered to
that seat! If /I'm/ stuck here, YOU'RE stuck here!
{Greg shakes his head violently, turning to Keyes and gesturing
at Jackson outside the ring; Riverboat takes a full windup, and
smacks Greg in the back of the head.}
[Escobar]: This is simply preposterous ... I don't know
what he's trying to-- MADRE DIOS!!!
[Swayze]: As a once-great colleague of mine might have put
it: "Yyyyyeeeessss!!!" Three for three, bay-bee! Three times
in one night! Does it get any sweeter?
{Curtis Keyes practically falls backwards in shock, as Riverboat
begins alternating punches and stomps on the doubled over Greg.}
[Swayze]: Four! Five! Six! COREY, ARE YOU GETTING THIS?!?
[Escobar]: This -- this is SICKENING! Riverboat is-- what
possible reason could he have for backstabbing the War
Machine like this?!?
[Marone]: I don't think it's fashion disagreement ... man,
I LIKED Riverboat! What's UP with this??
{Riverboat gestures to Alliyah, and shouts, "This is for you,
baby!", then scoops up Gardner and delivers a reverse fallaway
slam.}
[Escobar]: No, not -- MADRE DIOS -- THE PADDLEWHEEL!!!
Alliyah and Maurice are heading into the ring, arena
security is heading for the ring, and Riverboat is shoving
Gardner OUT of the ring ...
{Riverboat kicks Gardner underneath the bottom rope, and turns
back to Alliyah, who leaps into his arms for a big time hug.}
[Escobar]: People, we are OUT of TIME! I'd like to say
we'll do our best to clear this up next week -- only Line
of Fire will not be seen next Friday, because we're going
to be in Boston's Fenway Park for DANSE MACABRE! Be sure
to catch our special Danse Overture broadcast Thursday
instead ... until then, this is Justin Escobar, with Mike
Marone and Chad Swayze ... good night!
=================================================================
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Alliance; permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI
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"CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting
System, used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual
association between the writers and CBS should be inferred.
"Promotional" trademarks likewise used without permission or
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