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"YOU'RE WATCHING ... CBS ... WELCOME HOME."
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/ /\ \ \ / / / / T H E R E 'S
/ / \ \ \ / / / /
/ / \ \ \ \ /\ / / / / J U S T
/ / \ \ \ \/ \ / / / /
/ / \ \ \ \ V / / / N O
/__/ \__\ \__\___\/ /__/
_____________________________ S U B S T I T U T E
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{Fade to black, and the sound of whistling wind ... a slow fade
reveals the McFarlane-school animated image of an old-fashioned
sexton, walking slowly through a decrepit graveyard with a shovel
slung over his shoulder. As a low chiming note drones repeatedly in
the background, he reaches an open area between the graves and sets to
work -- but as he breaks the earth with the shovel, the ground rumbles
and light streams out, the music ripping into a garage-metal version
of St. Saens's "Danse Macabre" ... he scrambles backwards in fear as
the ground explodes in a shower of dirt, rocks, and fire, four
wrestling rings emerging one at a time and fusing together, as zombies
wrest themselves from the surrounding graves and form an audience ...
As ghostly figures dive down from the skies, and coalesce into the
forms of AWI superstars such as Steve the Insane, Tank Bradley, "War
Machine" Greg Gardner, Justice, Ken Mischief, and Intensive Care,
locking up in savage combat, the sexton runs towards the camera in
blind panic -- as his face reaches a full-screen close-up, the whole
picture is tinted a light green, a crosshairs forming as black
intrudes around the borders to transform the screen into a circular
"gunsight," the music changing once again ...}
[Music]
It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone)
I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm
Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances
{The black background is interrupted by a roaming "gunsight" view,
within which AWI action can be seen; the sight moves across the
screen, every so often cutting to change directions (and video
footage).}
[Music]: Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone ...
{Sight moves from left to right; Danny Boy McGill cinches the
McGill Leglock on D.A. Bookthrower.}
[Music]: This is a madhouse/Feels like being home ...
{Sight moves from bottom upwards; Steve the Insane throws Nick
Vorpal into a Frontal Lobotomy.}
[Music]: My feet they can't move/Under moon and star ...
{Sight moves from lower left to center and back to upper left
(in a ">" pattern); Kerry Masters connects with an "Epitome
Press" standing moonsault on Reverend Jeremiah James.}
[Music]: Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far ...
{Sight moves from lower right to upper left in broad arc; Tank
Bradley subjects Justice to the Nail in the Coffin.}
[Music]: You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone.
{Sight moves from left to right, jagging up and down erratically;
Greg Gardner uses an Atomic Bomb on John "Asylum" Smith.}
[Music]: You will come to know ...
when the bullet hits the bone ...
{Cut to a scene of four simultaneous "gunsights" (without the
internal video), converging on slightly wobbly paths towards the
lower left corner. As the four intersect, a loud drumbeat
corresponds with the crack of a gunshot; the screen flashes
bright white, then fades into the logo:
=================================================================
__ __ __ __ ____
=================== /\ \ /\ \ /\ \/\ \/\ _\
/~/\ \~\ /~/ /~/ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \ `\\ \ \ \L_
/ /\ \ \ \/\/ / / / \ \ \ \ \ \\ \ , ` \ \ _\
/_/ \_\ \_\_\/ /_/ \ \ \__\ \ \\ \ \`\ \ \ \L_
=================== \ \___\\ \_\\ \_\ \_\ \___\
\/___/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/\/___/
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/ | \ ___ ____ __ _____ ____
{ /|\ } /'___\ /\ _\ /\ \ /\ __`\ /\ _\
---+-|-O-|-+--- ___ /\ \__/ \ \ \/_\ \ \\ \ \L\ )\ \ \L_
{ \|/ } / __`\ \ ,__\ \ \ _\\ \ \\ \ , / \ \ _\
\__|__/ /\ \L\ \ \ \_/ \ \ \/ \ \ \\ \ \\ \ \ \ \L_
| \ \____/\ \_\ \ \_\ \ \_\\ \_\ \_\\ \___\
\/___/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/ \/___/
======================================================================
D A N S E O V E R T U R E S P E C I A L
======================================================================
>>STADIUM AERIAL<<
>CAPTION<: SILVIO O. CONTE FORUM -- Boston, MS
{The camera pans across a packed house of AWI fans, waving and
cheering enthusiastically ... numerous signs dot the crowd, ranging
from the derivative ("Shut Up, Robbie!" and "Oh My God, They Killed
Kerry!"), to the original ("Tori Can't Danse" and "Zap Sprechen Zie
Win"), to the outre ("Who the Hell is Charlie Hazard?" and "I'm Here
And You're Not, Jamie!"). The camera also zooms over the unusual
four-rings-in-a-square layout, with a small platform holding together
the four middle turnbuckle posts ... Finally, it pans down to join our
familiar crew of announcers ...}
>CAPTION<: Justin Escobar "Madman" Mike Marone Chad Swayze
[Escobar]
Ola, and welcome to another edition of AWI Line of Fire -- but not
just ANY Line of Fire! We're just a few days away from the first-ever
DANSE MACABRE, and we're here in Boston already to start the
festivities early!
[Marone]
Man, what a town to have the Danse in, too -- just think of all the
accomplishments that took place right here in this town! Boston
baked beans, Boston black bread, Boston creme pie, Boston clam
chowder ...
[Escobar]
I think this city's well-known for more than its food, Mike -- for
instance, some of our most important Founding Fathers, like John Adams
and John Hancock?
[Marone]
Yeah, but nobody called them "Boston" John this or that, did they?
[Swayze]
OK, OK, that's it -- cut with the comedy, compadres, and let's get
down to something seeeerious ... namely, the next women's title-holder
in the AWI: the svelte but savage Svede herself, Tori Johannssen!
[Marone]
I thought you said /cut/ the comedy.
[Swayze]
Don't start with me, my friend ... I'd hate to have to display Master
Robbie's secret ninja combat techniques in all their gory detail.
[Escobar]
Actually, I'm more than willing to concede that Tori Johannssen is a
dangerous competitor and a threat to win the Women's Title tonight --
but so are the other 15 top women's wrestlers who will be competing
against her in a special Danse preview match!
[Swayze]
Not a chance, Justino ... Oh, Tori might save a head or two so Jessie
can get her kicks too, but in the end our Viking vixen is going to be
unstoppable with a capital Tori!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{"You Don't Bring Me Flowers" by Neal Diamond comes over the PA as the
returning Jessica Perkins, wearing a wedding dress, makes her way up
to the Sniper's Nest.}
[Escobar]: Wait a moment ... Jessica Perkins here NOW, though I
don't believe she's actually /scheduled/ to make any comments
right now ...
[Swayze]: Escobo, when are you going to learn? Jessica's part of
the Team, and the Team does what it wants, when it wants!
[Marone]: With whatever toppings it wants, too.
[Swayze]: Yeah, with -- would you quit DOING that, man?
[Perkins]
Robbie, honey, please come out here for a second ... /BEFORE I GO
BACK THERE AND DRAG YOU OUT!/
{The crowd waits as Jessica pauses, filling the void with hearty boos
for Robbie ... but Robbie's a no-show after several moments.}
[Marone]: I don't think he's coming out.
[Swayze]: {sputtering slightly} Can you blame him? Jessie can't
talk to him like that! The Team's got RULES, bay-bee -- and rule
#1 is, disrespect for the New Jersey Ninja is insulta-non-grata!
Somebody's buckin' to do penalty laps back at la Casa Champino!
[Escobar]: Mike, I certainly hope /you/ can parse that, because
I'm not wasting my time trying ... and it seems Jessica Perkins
isn't wasting HERS waiting for Robbie any longer.
[Perkins]
{raises mike to speak again} Robbie, listen and listen good. You seem
to think that if I act a little nuts I'll have an edge in the ring,
that it'd throw people off a bit. Well, Robbie, I'm tired. I'm tired
of playing the game your way. I'm tired of running around with that
stupid doll. I'm tired of teaming with that freak Johannsen. Most of
all, I'm tired of pretending that I give a damn about you, Robbie.
[Swayze]: Wha--wha-WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
[Perkins]
So, I'm done with all that. No more. From now on I do things on my
terms. For everyone in that locker room who thinks they've figured me
out -- you've got a surprise coming. Appearances can be very
deceiving.
As for you Stevens ... they told me in the front office that I can't
sign to face you in a match. So, I'm gonna have to take it out on
Brunhilda there. If there's anything left of her after the Danse, I
want her in a match. Oh, and Robbie .. I'm not gonna need an act to
intimidate you. Last time in the AWI, everyone thought I was a freak
because of you. I don't forgive, and I don't forget.
{Jessica leaves the ring to surprisingly enthusiastic cheers from the
unsurprisingly anti-Stevens crowd.}
>>PRESS TABLE<<
[Swayze]
That's IT, man! She's gone too far! I can just about guarantee that
when the Robster hears this, she's as good as fired!
[Escobar]
Fired?? Chad, in case you missed what everybody ELSE here just saw,
Jessica Perkins just QUIT Team Stevens!
[Swayze]
Don't be loco, Escobo -- NOBODY quits Team Stevens ... it'd be like
telling the waiter to take your filet mignon back because it's just
too tender and delicious, comprende? We're the straw that stirs the
AWI drink!
[Marone]
I think she just flicked the straw into the trash, dude.
{"Wild Thing" by the Troggs begins to play over the PA.}
[Escobar]
And, with Flynn Kingsley already in the ring, we're ready for the debut
of a new AWI all-star tonight, the dynamic Kanaida Sharpe, who had
this to say earlier ...
[Swayze]
HEY! I WASN'T DONE SPEAKING YET! I'VE STILL GOT STUFF TO S--
======================================================================
{"Wild Thing" Kanaida Sharpe sits in his dressing room and sees the
camera crew has shown up.}
[Sharpe]
Ah, good. You're here. How's it going, AWI? Wild Thing coming at you
live from the Overture. This is just before my first match, and I
gotta admit, I'm a little nervous. I'm gonna take my first step
towards my dreams and you're all gonna see me do it.
{He takes a deep breath and lets it out.}
I've been waiting my whole life for three moments: when I marry the
woman of my dreams ... when I win the world title ... and of course,
this one. This one right here. To wrestle in front of millions of
people who hopefully will love me as much as I love them. To be a
professional wrestler. To face a guy who's been pining away at the
same dream his whole life, and let the better man win the match --
assuming it's a fair one. Well, wish me luck, world ... wish
yourselves some too, because life just got a little wilder. And it's
time to walk on the wild side. Let's dance, huh?
[he jumps up and runs outside to his match]
======================================================================
>>RINGSIDE<<
{The previously-seen Mr. Sharpe comes bounding down the aisle,
slapping hands with the fans along the way ... he does a lap around
the ring giving out high-fives, and the audience seems won over by his
infectious enthusiasm -- especially the young lady in the front row
who gets his leather jacket before he turns towards the ring ...}
[Escobar]: The "Wild Thing" wasting no time making friends with
this great AWI crowd!
[Swayze]: That's good -- maybe some of them can be his
pallbearers. Cut ME off, will he?
[Marone]: Uh, I don't think it was really his fault.
[Swayze]: That's the problem with this latest generation, my
man. They don't wanna take the blame for ANYTHING.
{Kanaida hurtles into the ring to begin a battering offensive, raining
blows on a quickly off-balance Kingsley, then whips him into the ropes
and drives him into the mat for a powerslam ...}
[Escobar]: Neither is Kanaida wasting time in getting this match
started! Flynn Kingsley barely has enough time to get out of
his corner before Sharpe shows him who's boss!
[Marone]: Springsteen! Cool, I knew that one.
[Swayze]: Don't worry, Mikey, the astronomers tell me Earth'll
be back your way in a season or two.
[Escobar]: Flynn into the ropes -- and a BIG powerslam! Now
THAT's potential!
[Marone]: That /was/ potential. Now it's kinetic. I remember
some things from high school ... I also remember that HURTS, and
Flynn wishes he DIDN'T know that now. Kinda like me on cold
mornings.
{Sharpe pulls Kingsley into a hammerlock, getting his feet under him
while holding Kingsley prone on the mat, then breaks the hold only to
drop an elbow and re-apply the hold ... this time, Kingsley manages
to work his way to his feet, but Sharpe slips around his grip to
catch his opponent with a full-nelson suplex ...}
[Escobar]: Kanaida getting a little less "wild" here, but also
showing an ability to control the match, as Flynn having real
problems trying to get out of that hammerlock -- and Sharpe
gives him what he asks for, AND makes him pay for it!
[Swayze]: Yeah, I'd like to see him try that on the Tank --
Bradley would shrug him off like a butterfly and then churn
the butter out of him!
[Escobar]: Right now, Flynn Kingsley probably is wishing Tank
WAS in there.
[Marone]: The way his last wish went, Tank'd probably team
up with Kanaida to beat him up.
[Swayze]: In your dreams ... or my nightmares, which are pretty
much the same.
[Marone]: You have nightmares about the giant carrot with the
Charles Nelson Reilly mask?
[Swayze]: HUH?? I will NOW ...
[Escobar]: Match, gents -- Flynn to his feet at last -- but
NO! Sharpe with an excellent full-nelson suplex!
{Sharpe plays to the fans some, which gives Kingsley the opportunity
to charge him from behind with a forearm smash; after a pair of kicks,
Kingsley whips Sharpe into the ropes, but his back-drop attempt is
badly telegraphed and Sharpe hits him with a knee-lift followed by a
neckbreaker ...}
[Escobar]: Kanaida on the turnbuckle now, and he's shouting out
to the fans now -- but a little too long, and Kingsley with a
vicious forearm from behind.
[Swayze]: Typical rookie mistake. This guy MIGHT have been
Team Stevens material if he could just stay true to his cool,
but noooo -- he's gotta have that phony "love" jazz from the
seat-warmers out there.
[Escobar]: Kingsley moving swiftly to take advantage -- but
Sharpe sees through it, and delivers the knee -- and a bonus
neckbreaker!
[Marone]: You know, it's really not much of a bonus, when you
think about it -- more like the 'substantial' part of that
'substantial penalty for early withdrawal' ...
{Sharpe hoists up Kingsley into a brainbuster suplex, then calls out
to the fans, "You wanna see it?!" ... after a fairly favorable crowd
response, he locks Kingsley into an iron-claw grip, hoists him into
the air again, and drives him into the mat for a cover.}
[Escobar]: A textbook brain-buster leaves Flynn wondering what
zip-code he's in ...
[Swayze]: 'Wanna see it?' See WHAT?
[Marone]: You know, IT. They have it in Nevada somewhere.
[Escobar]: Kanaida with an iron grip -- he's got him in the
air, and a DEVASTATING claw slam!
[Swayze]: Can we use the word "devastating" still? And you're
really gonna call THAT devastating?
[Marone]: Not THAT, IT!
[Swayze]: Huh?
[Marone]: Not 'huh' either --
[Swayze]: CUT IT OUT!
[Escobar]: In ANY case, it's devastating enough for the 1-2-3!
And that means a big debut win for "the Wild Thing!"
[Marone]: And it means I don't have to go to Nevada now!
======================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Will Robbie Shut Up At Last?
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Burger King: it's not yet a burger republic, but
they're getting there ... The things Tiger can do with a golf ball and
club may not have anything to do with me buying shoes, but it's sorta
cool, ain't it? ... Snapple: when a wierdo cultist says reincarnation
as your desire is in your future, it's a bad time to be thirsty ...
======================================================================
{"Who are you?" by The Who hits the air as the newcomer known as Sybil
makes her AWI debut. She trots down the aisle with a friendly, yet
meek, wave to the somewhat restless crowd, and rolls into the ring.
Sybil is a solidly built woman; nothing flashy stands out as she
comports herself conservatively, with short brown hair, and looks
scared to death. Dressed in a black satin jacket, she retrieves the
ring mic and clears her throat before speaking.}
[Sybil]
... ...
[Swayze]: Uh ... is my headset busted?
[Escobar]: Actually, I believe she's having headset trouble
of some kind --
[Swayze]: Or just head trouble. LOUDER, sister!
{A production assistant gets her attention and with a kind gesture
indicates that she has to speak up.}
[Sybil]
{clears throat} Is this better? Good. Um, tonight here at Danse
Overture you're going to see some of the top female wrestling talent
in the world, all vying for the AWI Women's World Title. Well, if
you're half as excited as I am, then this should be a memorable
evening. I-I've been training hard, and making sacrifices to reach
this point in my career; a point which I hope will mean a long and
rewarding time in the squared circle.
As such, I w-w-will wrestle anybody, anytime. So there are open
contracts with my name on them. I hope you'll give me a chance. I'm not
the strongest, not the fastest, not the most experienced, but I try
real hard. In fact, my doctors say that is just as important when faced
with one's fears and top-notch competition.
Th-this is my first time out here, and I'm really scared but you can't
let that stop you, right? So, um, this is my debut.
{Sybil politely hands the mic back to the ring announcer, and then
pulls it back to add a "Thank you," before removing her jacket and
awaiting the evening's opponent.}
[Swayze]: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*srooonnkk*ZZZZZZZZZZZ--oh, I'm sorry,
is she done talkin'?
[Escobar]: Can't you show just a MODICUM of respect for a game
newcomer to our sport?
[Swayze]: Did you say "game" or "lame"? Face it, Justino,
there's only one way to describe a girl like that: lamb to the
slaughter. And here comes the the axe-lady right now ...
{Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages" blares through the speakers as a compact
but very muscular brunette in a black one-sleeved, one-legged singlet
makes her way to the ring.}
[Escobar]: She may not be the 'axe-lady', but I'm sure Janet
LeVond will prove a worthy challenge to Miss Sybil ...
{LeVond drops Sybil before the bell with a solid clothesline.}
[Marone]: Well, she's off to a good start, at least.
[Escobar]: Yes, Janet LeVond manages to catch the newcomer off
guard, and she's slow to recover ...
{Levond scoops up Sybil for a bodyslam, then whips her into the
turnbuckle, and charges in with another clothesline, but Sybil manages
to get out of the way as LeVond eats the post.}
[Escobar]: LeVond with the show of power, and then it's into
the turnbuckle -- but Sybil showing quite a bit of speed, and
turns the tables!
[Marone]: I hope she isn't too rattled by the opening, man.
She's really nervous.
{Sybil with a few kicks from a distance leads to a side headlock, but
LeVond gives her an elbow to the plexus, spins her around, and hits
a gutwrench suplex.}
[Escobar]: Sybil feeling out her opponent with a fadeaway kick
arsenal ... moves in and locks up --
[Swayze]: And eats an elbow Blind Melon Chitlin could have seen
coming! And I understand he was BLIND!
[Marone]: Hey, she's just got a little case of the first-match
jitters, man ... don't you remember those?
[Swayze]: I don't remember ANYTHING from my first match ... uh,
forget I said that. I mean, I was never scared, is all.
[Escobar]: {dryly} Right.
{LeVond follows up the suplex with a series of stomps; Sybil rolls out
of the ring to regroup, but LeVond drags her by the hair back to the
apron and drives her into it face-first.}
[Marone]: Do you remember a bright light and dead relatives
beckoning?
[Swayze]: I SAID FORGET IT!
[Escobar]: LeVond taking control of this match now, and Sybil
decides a break is in order to regain her bearings ... but
Janet has her by the hair!
[Swayze]: HA! Lesson #3, honey, behind "you're just not good
enough" and "the Team is your dream", is "there are NO timeouts
in wrestling!"
[Marone]: But your buds do that sort of thing all the time, dude.
[Swayze]: Weren't you paying attention during Lesson #2?
{LeVond hoists Sybil to her feet, then suplexes her into the ring,
locking her into a camel clutch afterward ... Sybil manages to reach
the ropes, but as she's getting to her feet LeVond powers her back
down with a salto suplex.}
[Escobar]: LeVond gets her opponent back in the ring the hard
way ... and she is in COMPLETE control of this match -- Sybil
grabs the ropes like a lifeline--
[Swayze]: If that's her idea of a lifeline, she's gonna
drown. I've seen deer in the middle of the road that looked
less lost than Little Miss Roughed-Up here ...
{LeVond picks up her opponent by the hair again and nails her with
a series of knees, then whips her into the turnbuckle again, this
time using a series of elbow shots.}
[Marone]: Justin, this is really ...
[Swayze]: Funny? Amusing? Hysterical? Screaming for popcorn?
[Marone]: BAD ... it's ... it's like she's forgotten she's
even IN a ring.
[Escobar]: LeVond is basically attacking at will right
now, I'm forced to agree ...
[Marone]: Man, this is gonna end up one of those mondo-
bizarro underground videos, like bears attacking people or
Cpt. Kirk reciting "Rocket Man", y'know?
{LeVond sets up Sybil on the top turnbuckle, and brings her crashing
back to the mat with a belly-to-belly superplex, making the cover.}
[Escobar]: LeVond taking things to the top now ... and setting
up Sybil for a truly quick downfall ...
[Marone]: C'mon, Sybil, now's the time to pull out a fancy
move and really surprise her! You can do it!
[Escobar]: BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPERPLEX BY LEVOND!
[Swayze]: Well, /I/ was surprised -- surprised the MAT didn't
break!
[Marone]: I'm NOT laughin, Chad.
[Escobar]: Neither is Sybil, I'm afraid -- she's not doing
ANYTHING after that ... Brandie Mulroney makes the count, but
this one is academic ... your winner is Janet LeVond!
[Swayze]: And just remember, people, this was only her DEBUT!
She's going to do SO much better next time ... yeah, she's just
to lose the next match the BEST way she knows how ... just watch
her lose the CRAP out of it, you'll be so impressed ...
[Escobar]: Chad, PLEASE ... actually, it's probably best to go
to ANOTHER Chad at this point: Chad Duncan, with comments from--
oh, can't we just go to COMMERCIAL?
[Swayze]: Too late, Justino -- the segue's in the can! Take
it away, boss-man!
======================================================================
{Camera cuts to the back, where Chad Duncan has apparently caught up
to Robbie Stevens. Robbie's wearing a t-shirt which has an airbrushed
copy of the AWI TV Title around it so it looks like Robbie's wearing
the belt.}
[Chad Duncan]
Chad Duncan here. I've tracked down Robbie Stevens...
[Robbie]
That's AWI TV Champion, Robbie Stevens...
[Duncan]
Uhhh ... right ... Robbie, I notice you didn't respond to Jessica
Perkins's outburst just tonight ...
[Robbie]
Look Chad-du, I've seen enough of Jessica Perkins in my life time
and personally I don't want to see any more of her.
[Duncan]
Care to comment on what she had to say?
[Robbie]
Yeah, I do, Chad. First off, everything that nutball said is a total
lie. It was *MY* idea to have her *ACT* crazy? Chad, that was no act.
Jessica Perkins is a certified lunatic. Now, all of a sudden, people
are taking her word as being true? Now all of a sudden, Jessica
Perkins isn't a fruitcake? Yeah, she's got a new attitude ... probably
because she's developed another personality.
It was my idea to have her like me? Oh sure ... that makes sense.
Robbie Stevens has a girlfriend ... who breaks up that relationship?
Jessica Perkins. Robbie Stevens wins the TV Title and has more girls
beating down his door than Leonardo DiCaprio ... does he get to enjoy
the female companionship? Nooooo, because Jessica Perkins is there to
scare them all away. Chad, do you know what it's like to have a psycho
hose beast trying to run your life ... duh, of course you do, you tell
me about your wife all the time ...
[Duncan]
Now just a--
[Stevens]
{ignoring Chad's protest} Jessica Perkins obsesses over me all the
time. I try to keep everything on a business level. I don't want to get
mixed up her in a personal relationship, but she keeps pressing the
issue. She's lucky I don't file a sexual harrassment suit against her.
Then Jessica comes out here tell you a sob story about how it's all my
fault she's not a success. The fact of the matter is she's not a success
because she's a LOSER! I tried to do what I could but it was just no
use. After getting dozens of letters begging ... PLEADING ... for me to
get her into the AWI, I took pity on her. I figured I could make her a
star just like I've done with everyone else I've managed. But I'm man
enough to admit I was wrong.
She wants to talk about "that freak" that was her partner? The reason
why Tori never won the tag team titles was because she had to carry the
anchor named Jessica around on her back. You want a piece of Tori after
tonight Jessica, you've got it. The only question is if they be
anything left of you after she gets her hands on you tonight. Trust me
Jessica, it's not a question of "if" she'll sink her teeth into you,
it's only a question of how long it will take to get a hold of you. Be
careful what you wish for Jessica, because you just might get it!
======================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Do the Chaos Brothers have a Deathwish?
COMMERCIAL BREAK: If you see only one movie of supernatural bent this
summer, pretend 'Heather' got killed and go see "Sixth Sense" instead
... John Elway, these commercials, and Coors -- two out of three are
originals ... if you like chasing your appliances, you'll love
Energizer batteries ...
======================================================================
{"Who Makes Da Loot?" by the Brand New Heavies with Grand Puba plays
over the speakers, as Jamahn Chamberlin makes his way to ringside,
accompanied as usual by his bodyguard Felony Slade ... he slides into
the ring, and Felony "persuades" the ring announcer to hand over the
mic, Jamahn convincing his man to chill a little before he starts to
talk.}
[Chamberlin]
Never fear, the Boss is here ... IS BOSTON IN THE HOOOOOOOUSSSEE?!?!?
{Boston, like most crowds, can't resist showing it's in the house,
cheering wildly ...}
[Slade]
I think they're in the house.
[Chamberlin]
{grinning slyly} Thanks for the news, Slade ... {slips into more
formal talk} but alas, we've got other things to talk about ...
important things ... PPV-type things -- things which get you to
watch more Pay-Per-Views and buy more T-Shirts -- things like that.
Y'all MIGHT have noticed this, or you might not have ... but the AWI's
Danse card? It's a little full ... specifically, I have about two
DOZEN people trying to get seats on a 16-man bus. And that's just not
a good thing -- the driver gets mad, people are hangin' out windows,
dragging along on the tires ... it's not a pretty sight.
Now ... how in the world do I fix that, without making a liar out of
some pretty big names, without making very large men angry, without
havin' to give the Enforcer here a bigger paycheck?
{Chamberlin rubs his chin as if deep in thought; apparently that's not
enough, because he gestures to Felony, who begins pacing as if also
deep in thought ... Chamberlin then snaps his fingers, as Felony stops
in mid-pace.}
Of course! The problem here is all these tag teams munching up spots!
I got tag teams all over the place wanting to get in on the Danse
action, but that's creating ... space issues ...
Luckily, my brain is Y2K compliant, so I've already got the solution.
Your new lineup for the Danse Macabre ... wrestling in the singles
division, "Way Cool Jr." Corey Bonham ... Ed Carr ... "Tsunami" Scott
Deda ... Smith Durbin ... "War Machine" Greg Gardner ... Reverend
Jeremiah James ... "Mr. NLS," Maurice Jackson ... Kien Lun ... the
"Scarecrow" Dominic Nightshade ... "Wildfire" Johnny Rage ... Jack
Robertson ... Robbie Stevens ... and, in the TAG TEAM division, the
Honor Guard ... Intensity ... Intensive Care ... and the winner of
tonight's match between the Chaos Brothers and ... Charlie Hazard and
whoever.
Now, since all those tag teams are probably each going to work as a
team anyhow, the word "team" being right there and all, I figure it's
only fair to let them STAY a unit. So, for example, Rich? You pin
somebody, Sam comes along to the next ring with you. You get pinned?
Sam goes back to the locker with what's left of you.
Now, as to certain announcements made in previous weeks by overzealous
wrestlers about doing double-time in the Danse ... stay tuned. Kerry,
Jerry ... I don't want you guys getting killed by Robbie's clowns
because you were thinking of how to get into the third ring, you know
what I mean? So wrestle for the North American belts first. Then,
whatever's left over can talk to me about expanding the Danse just a
WEE bit more.
Now, I hate to rule and run, but the Commish's work is never done,
so ...
{"Who Makes Da Loot?" keys back up on the speakers, as Jamahn and
Felony split ...}
[Swayze]: Man, can you believe that? He's giving Sam and Rich
CARD BLANK to double-up on the whole shebang! Like THAT'S fair!
[Escobar]: I thought it sounded very reasonable, and I'm sure
it will PROVEN to be compared to what Robbie and Corey will
do ... now, we have a match starting ...
{Ring announcer Rod Allen stands in the ring, microphone in hand.}
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, the next event is a tag team bout set for one
fall ... introducing first ... from Berlin, Germany, "Zap" London ...
and his partner, from Johannesburg, South Africa, "Blunt" Dakota ...
weighing in at a combined total of four hundred and thirty pounds ...
together, they are ... the CHAOS BROTHERS!!!
{"Chaos Brothers" by Die Toten Hosen, a bubbly electronica piece,
plays on the PA as Blunt and Zap walk down to ringside.}
[Allen]
And their opponents tonight ... they claim to hail from Tacoma,
Washington ... weighing in at a combined total of four-hundred
ninety-four pounds ... "Deathwish" Charlie Hazard and {reads
card} ... and Grey Guardians!
[Escobar]: Guardian*s*???
[Marone]: Oh, man, Charlie's getting so shoddy about this
secret partner thing, he just photocopied an ID from the last
event ...
{A grey-clad figure comes reeling down from the rafters, hanging
from a bungee cord by its leg.}
[Marone]: Hey -- look out!!! CHARLIE UP!
{The Chaos Brothers charge for it, but pause in confusion when it
reaches the end of its rope, bouncing up and down slightly.}
[Escobar]: Well, Charlie Hazard *did* warn the Chaos Brothers
to 'look up to the skies', but this doesn't seem-- hold on!
{Two more grey-clad figures come charging down the aisleway to the
ring while Blunt and Zap are distracted, one pulling the other along
by the back of the head; they slide in under the rope, and the larger
figure rushes the Chaos brothers, knocking down Zap with a clothesline
from behind. He then scoops up Blunt with a bodyslam.}
[Escobar]: Apparently, it's just a dummy in the ring, then --
[Swayze]: Actually, I count THREE dummies in the ring, plus
Charlie and his buddy.
{The larger drops a leg on Zap, while Blunt shakes off the daze of the
clothesline, then lunges for the second masked man. Big Grey rolls Zap
out of the ring, steps out onto the apron, and leaps off with a flying
elbow drop.}
[Escobar]: Divide and conquer seems to be the strategy here, as
the two teams pair off in opposite ends of the arena ...
although it seems that Hazard's partner is having a much better
time of things ...
{Blunt unmasks his opponent, revealing a rather shaken-looking man
with balding dish-blonde hair.}
[Escobar]: I think Blunt Dakota has "Grey Guardian #1" unmasked
-- and it's ... uh ...
[Marone]: I think it's ... Grey Guardian Number One.
[Escobar]: But if that's NOT Hazard, then where IS he?
[Swayze]: I don't mean to speak ill of the deathwished, but does
he strike you as all that bright? Could be he took the wrong
exit on the way here, and his pal Grey #2 there had to find a
way to carry the slack!
>>AISLE<<
{Big Grey whips Zap into the railing, then attempts a bodyslam, but
gets punched away. Zap follows with a side kick, and a back elbow shot.}
[Escobar]: Zap pressing his advantage while he can, and--
MADRE DIOS!!!
{Charlie Hazard appears on the *top* of the aisle entrance arch, and
jumps off with an elbow aimed at Zap, who just barely manages to duck
aside.}
[Escobar]: He may not have been in the "rafters", so to speak,
but he still found a way to sneak into this match -- how Zap
managed to avoid that I have NO idea!
[Marone]: Yeah, but ouch city! Hazard's lucky the floor didn't
dodge him too, or he'd STILL be falling.
[Escobar]: Quite right, Mike -- que?
[Swayze]: Don't even try, Justino, it'll just make your head
hurt.
{Zap levels Grey with an enziguri, while Blunt keeps Charlie down with
a full nelson lock. Both Zap and Grey stand up; Zap lashes out with a
karate kick, Grey responds with a shoulderblock. Charlie breaks free
with an elbowsmash, only to get locked into an armbar. Grey moves over
while Zap is down, kicking Blunt away from Charlie.}
[Escobar]: Zap and Blunt finally have the REAL opponents under
control in this match for the first time ... Zap and "Grey"
trading blows, neither managing to get a full advantage ...
[Swayze]: Blunt thinks he can hold down "Deathwish" Charlie
with a lame little armlock? He's just letting that craziness
build up, and when it goes, it's gonna be a full-out loon
explosion!
[Escobar]: I'm, uh, sure that's a fate we're all hoping
doesn't happen, whatever it's supposed to be -- but Zap's
down now! And Grey -- well, the only Grey left, really --
frees Hazard!
[Swayze]: Ka-crazy!
{As Zap gets up and approaches the other three, Grey irish whips Blunt
into Zap. He then picks up Hazard by the legs, and giant swings Charlie
into the Chaos Brothers.}
[Escobar]: The Chaos Brothers momentarily thrown off the
offensive here, as Grey attempts to help his partner -- well,
he picks him up -- he -- WHAT?!
[Marone]: Whoa ... that's flyin' the friendly and unfriendly
skies at the same time.
[Escobar]: Hazard literally TOSSED at the Chaos Brothers by his
own PARTNER, and it looks like he's HAPPY about it!
[Swayze]: What can I say? The man just REALLY wants his hands on
those two jokers, and he's impatient to get at them. That, and
he's nuts.
{The "Grey Guardian" rips off his mask, using it to choke Zap as he
drags him back to the ring. Hazard picks up a chair and swings it at
Blunt; Blunt manages to duck out of the way, and immobilizes Charlie
with a bear hug.}
[Escobar]: Hazard's "friend" now finally ditching the mask --
[Swayze]: WAIT! HE'S UNMASKING! It's ... IT'S CHRIS HAYES!
[Escobar]: Yes, we kn--
[Swayze]: THE GREY GUARDIAN IS "HEARTLESS" CHRIS HAYES! THIS
IS INCREDIBLE!
[Escobar]: Look, we /knew/ that --
[Swayze]: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! CHRIS HAYES IS CHARLIE
HAZARD'S TAG TEAM PARTNER!
[Escobar]: He's BEEN Hazard's tag team partner sinc--
[Swayze]: WE ARE --
[Marone]: HEY! BREATHE!
[Swayze]: Huh?
[Marone]: Thanks. Now hush up.
[Escobar]: As I was saying, these two have BEEN a tag team
for years!
[Swayze]: You're just sore that Chad the Chiller got the
call.
[Escobar]: Never MIND -- Hazard with a chair now -- but
Blunt smartly keeps it from becoming a factor ...
>>IN RING<<
{Chris, now back inside with Zap, throws a forearm smash, but Zap trips
him with a legsweep. Getting up, he bounces back off the ropes for a
short run, then drops a leg, but Hayes rolls aside.}
[Marone]: I just remembered something ...who the heck is the
legal man?
[Escobar]: Well ... truth be told, I think it pretty much has
to be Zap and Chris at this point.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Hazard punches his way out of Blunt's grip, and irish whips him into
the railing. He then marches down the aisle towards the ring.}
[Swayze]: Blunt may have been able to keep the chair from being
a factor, but he forgot about all the OTHER metal at ringside!
[Marone]: Yeah, that's something you really don't want to do,
lemme tell you -- it's NEVER a 'gentle' reminder.
>>IN RING<<
{Chris grabs Zap by the legs for a giant swing. He drags Zap to his
corner, and makes a tag to Charlie, who hops into the ring, landing on
his back. Chris grabs his legs, and does a slingshot catapult *on*
Charlie, who uses the momentum to try to punch Zap, but Zap rolls
aside and Charlie hits the ringpost.}
[Escobar]: That's a ... rather unconventional tactic attempted
by Chris Hayes ...
[Marone]: I'm thinkin' that either didn't go as planned, or
they need a new plan. Generally speakin', turnbuckles don't
tap out much.
[Swayze]: This is why they call him HEARTLESS, Justino -- he
doesn't care about A-NEE-ONE!!! Not you, not me, not the fans,
not that nutball Charlie he tags with ... this is NOT the man
you want manning the shiny red button that goes boom!
{Zap hits Charlie with a series of martial arts kicks before he can
recover, driving him back towards the Chaos corner; when they get
close enough, a crescent kick knocks Charlie down, and Zap makes the
tag. The Chaos Brothers make a tandem attack, Zap dropping a leg while
Blunt drops an elbow, then Zap rolls out of the ring; Blunt stays on
the mat, cinching Charlie in body scissors.}
[Escobar]: Zap basically using his martial arts prowess like a
chair and whip here to herd Charlie ...
{Charlie reaches the ropes, and Blunt breaks the lock. He grabs
Charlie in a headlock, stands up, and attempts a bodyslam, but Charlie
grabs the ropes again; Blunt quickly switches to a single leg takedown
instead, and keeping hold of Charlie's leg, leaps forward for a
hamstring stretch. Dakota then rolls Charlie over, locking on a reverse
toehold.}
[Escobar]: Hazard to the ropes, and Newman forces the break ...
Blunt moves in again though and keeps Deathwish under wraps ...
another hand on the ropes -- leg takedown -- into hamstring
pull -- and a toehold! Blunt doing an EXCELLENT job of keeping
Hazard under control here!
[Marone]: Probably a good idea, too -- the more Hazard stays on
the ground, the less Hayes can hit Blunt with 'im.
{Charlie presses out of the toehold; Blunt quickly stands up and then
falls back down, driving an elbow into the back of Charlie's knee. He
then puts on an STF.}
[Escobar]: STF on Hazard! This could be it -- we could see a
tap-out here!
[Swayze]: Uh, sure -- he lets the guy he TAGS with toss him
around like a rag doll, but a little stretchy-time is gonna send
him to the showers? Call me when you and Dorothy get back with
your brain, Justino!
{Charlie shakes off the facelock, and Blunt wraps a half nelson on,
pulling Charlie to his feet. Charlie twists around and grabs Blunt,
throwing him into the turnbuckle. He then slaps a tag to Chris, and
the two go to work with double-team kicks for a bit.}
[Escobar]: Hazard finally away from Blunt, and he goes on the
offensive now -- and Hayes joining him now ... really, Newman
should get in there and stop that!
[Marone]: Um, I think Newman really doesn't want to get into an
argument with those two.
[Swayze]: Not to mention how Blunt would probably just hit HIM
from behind, the sneaky git.
{Chris whips Blunt into the ropes; Blunt leapfrogs him on the first
pass, rebounds, and gets hit hard by a kick to the sternum. Chris
grabs his head while he's doubled over, and drills him with a DDT.}
[Escobar]: Quick counter, and-- nada, Dakota can't capitalize
... and HAYES with the high impact maneuver!
{Getting up, Chris steps onto the second turnbuckle, and launches
himself off to nail Blunt with an elbow drop. He gets up and bends
down to grab Blunt's legs, but Blunt uses a single leg takedown to
put Chris on the mat, then rolls over to make the tag to Zap.}
[Escobar]: Dakota with a surprise takedown -- and ZAP IS IN!
{Zap hops into the ring, hits Chris with a side kick as he's standing
up, then whips him into the ropes, taking off in the opposite
direction. Both rebound, and Zap meets him in the middle with an
enziguri kick; Zap rolls to his feet, and spikes an axe kick into
Chris.}
[Escobar]: Zap London is now making a practical *exhibition*
of Chris Hayes!
[Swayze]: Yeah, right -- an exhibition of how NOT New Jersey
Ninja he is ...
{Zap pulls Chris to his feet, but Chris recovers quickly and scoops
him up onto a shoulder, then drops to the mat for a powerslam.}
[Swayze]: ... there, see? My main man Robbie would NEVER get
caught in a crush-o-rama like that!
[Marone]: Because he wouldn't have lasted this long?
{Standing back up, Chris lunges for the Chaos corner, slapping Blunt
in the face.}
[Swayze]: Yea-- no!
{Blunt quickly gets into the ring, but the referee moves to stop him;
Charlie Hazard, meanwhile, climbs to the top of his own turnbuckle,
and jumps off to hit Zap with a flying headbutt as he's standing.}
[Escobar]: No, is RIGHT! Hazard with an unbelievable, if
COMPLETELY uncalled for, daredevil attack on Zap!
[Swayze]: Oh, good segue, Escobo -- y'know, the Roadhouse is
starting to feel a little double-teamed *himself* right about
now ...
{Chris waits for Hazard to stand, then grabs his head and DDTs him
into Zap.}
[Escobar]: The always unpredictable Charlie Hazard contributes
to some kind of spiked headbutt combination ...
[Marone]: Oh, no, Justin. I've been in that kind of thing
before. That's not a spike anything, it's a DDT. Ouch.
{Charlie heads back out of the ring, and Chris goes to pick up Zap,
who kicks him away, then sweeps out his legs. Standing up, he drops a
leg on Chris, then rolls to his corner to tag in Blunt. Blunt steps
in, and elbow drops Chris, then rolls him over to cinch on an STF.}
[Escobar]: New man in the ring -- and in complete control!
[Marone]: Uh, I may be sounding a little like Chad here, but
... well, when you got "Chaos" on one corner and "Havoc" on
the other, I don't think "control" is going to stick around
that long ...
{Chris breaks free, and Blunt gets back up; he grabs one of Chris's
feet before Chris can stand, and quickly leaps into a hamstring
stretch. He then locks on a reverse toehold.}
[Escobar]: Point taken, Mike, but still it seems that Blunt
Dakota has this match well in hand -- considering the
comparative lack of scouting opportunites the Chaos Brothers
would have had for tonight's match, they have been MOST
efficient at blockading the Cry Havoc offense!
{Chris pushes his way out, and sits up; he scores a back elbow shot on
Blunt, turns around, and snaps him into a DDT.}
[Marone]: OW! I think Chris just knocked his blockade off.
[Swayze]: Yeah, just think -- that's the MOST efficient they can
get! THEY'RE DOOMED! {laughs}
{Standing back up, he picks up Blunt by the legs and giant swings him
around. Letting him go, Chris climbs the corner, as Blunt dizzily
stands back up; Chris jumps off to knock him down with a flying
shoulderblock, hooking a leg for the cover -- but Blunt throws him off
before the count.}
[Escobar]: Chris Hayes attempting a high risk maneuver, more
characteristic of his partner ... but JUST AS accurate!!! Blunt
is DOWN, and here's the cover-- wait, no count ...
{Blunt gets the advantage on Chris, snaring him in an armbar; Chris
breaks out with a back elbowsmash, then stands up fully before sending
Blunt crashing down with a clothesline.}
[Swayze]: Let me tell you, Dakotoyota should have STAYED down
when Chris gave him the CHANCE ... now the big guy is gonna get
MEAN ...
[Marone]: You mean, "stay mean", don't you?
[Swayze]: {lamely attempting a deep intimidating voice} You have
no idea.
{He turns to tag in Charlie, but Blunt keeps him in the ring with a
drop toehold; Chris retaliates with a headlock, dragging Blunt up and
to the enemy corner. He tags in Charlie, and the pair deliver a
double DDT.}
[Marone]: Hey, cool! Charlie gets to hurt somebody the EASY
way!
[Escobar]: {dryly} The world celebrates.
{Charlie covers Blunt: 1 ... 2 ... Blunt puts a foot on the
ropes. Charlie drags him back up to his feet, and hooks an arm
for a hip toss, but Blunt blocks it, then reaches down to grab
a leg, tripping Charlie into a single-leg takedown.}
[Escobar]: Hazard and Hayes pause their attack long enough for
a cover ... but Blunt on the ropes before Newman reaches 3!
[Marone]: Whew. I thought we were stuck with 'em.
[Escobar]: Hazard hoisting up Blunt again -- NO, Blunt
brings him down with a scientific reversal!
{He goes to tag in Zap, but Charlie gets back to his feet and kicks
out Blunt's knee. Standing fully, he lunges forward with a headbutt,
then runs past Blunt to jump on the top rope, springing off
backwards to hit Blunt with an elbow. Rolling over, he makes another
cover.}
[Escobar]: Hazard regaining the offensive -- and BRUTALIZES
Dakota with a cranium-cracker! HIGH flying move from Deathwish
-- but it's only a one count!
[Swayze]: In a match like this, that should be good enough --
heck, Blunt can't COUNT any higher anyways!
{Charlie stands up, then jumps into the air, falling onto Blunt in a
vertical splash.}
[Swayze]: You know, I've been thinking ...
[Escobar]: Oh, wonders ...
[Swayze]: With a name like "Blunt", what do you think? A big
inanimate object, right? Big ... flat ... heavy ...
{He drags Blunt back to his feet as he stands again, whipping him to
the ropes, and following in after.}
[Escobar]: And?
[Swayze]: Heavy, right? Like something that ought to STAY DOWN?
{A jumping clothesline from Charlie carries both men over the top rope.}
[Escobar]: I don't think-- OLA! Stay or not, BOTH men just took
a trip down right there!
{Charlie stands up, and climbs the ringside stairs, getting on top
the corner turnbuckle from outside; he jumps off with a flying double
axehandle smash, but Blunt Dakota drops to the mat, ducking it, then
sends Charlie to the floor with a drop toehold.}
[Swayze]: AAAAGH! See?!? That's just what I'm talking about!
He just keeps getting back up! Boingee Boingee Boingee!
[Marone/Escobar]: {unison} Boingee???
{Blunt breaks the hold and pulls Charlie up, whipping him into
the ring apron. He shoves Charlie back inside, and climbs in
himself.}
[Swayze]: So, that's it -- from now on, the big slow Chaos
Brother is officially "Bounce" Dakota! Got it? Good!
[Marone]: {loud whisper} Is it just me, or is he getting
kind of surreal?
[Escobar]: I, well ... no comment.
{While he is getting inside, Charlie makes the tag to Chris, who
scoops up Charlie onto a shoulder, then powerbombs him onto Blunt.}
[Swayze]: YEE-OWCHA!!! I would NOT want to be Charlie right
now ... but I bet BOUNCE'd trade places in a second!
[Escobar]: Indeed, DEVASTATING double-team powerbomb from
the Cry Havoc combination ... and the Chaos Brothers could
be in *serious* trouble ...
{While Charlie rolls outside the ring, Chris legdrops Blunt, then
picks him back up. Blunt manages to get behind Chris, and locks
on a half nelson.}
[Swayze]: That's right, Justino! You can-- HEY! He did it
AGAIN! Read your lines, blockhead, "THE CHAOS BROTHERS ARE
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE" ...
{Not surprisingly, Blunt makes no response to Chad's demands,
pushing Chris forward towards the Chaos corner. Blunt makes the
tag to Zap, who jumps in with a roundhouse kick to Chris,
followed by a crescent kick to knock him down.}
[Escobar]: Take relief in small comforts, Chad ... "Bounce",
er, Blunt Dakota now traded again for Zap London--
[Swayze]: --who, as the ultimate martial arts threat of this
AND the next millenium can tell you, barely ranks one
millitatum for lethality ...
[Escobar]: "Millitatum"?
{Zap climbs the corner, and jumps off to connect with a flying
legdrop.}
[Swayze]: {slowly, as if to a child} It's the MET-RIK
system, Mr. Internationalist. Look it up!
{Pulling Chris up as he stands, Zap whips him to the ropes,
dashing to the other side; Chris surprises him with a
clothesline as they intersect again.}
[Marone]: Well, I think he's gone milly Chris's tater
again here-- ow!
{Zap legsweeps Chris before he can tag out, does a kipup, and
snaps off an axe kick.}
[Marone]: Man, I can't keep up with these guys, always
runnin' around ... hey ... that's it! He runs away!
{Picking Chris up, he whips him to the ropes, and connects with
a spinning wheel kick, falling on top for a cover.}
[Escobar]: Who's runn-- Spinning wheel kick! This could
be it -- NO! Chris Hayes manages to get a shoulder up!
That could have been it ...
{Zap smashes him with a forearm, and stands up.}
[Escobar]: Now ... who's running away, Mike?
[Marone]: Oh -- I was still working out how Robbie avoids
the crush-o-rama.
{Letting Chris get up on his own, Zap stuns him with a side kick,
then knocks him down with a second spinning wheel kick.}
[Swayze]: Hey! You better watch it, hairball, you don't
KNOW what kind of baaaad things the Touch of Death can do
to a man-- hey, did someone edit the tape on me?
[Escobar]: This is no tape, we're LIVE, Chad ... Zap
London makes a second cover -- hooks the leg -- AND HE
GOT HIM!!! That's the three count!
[Marone]: COOL! Hey, Justin, what's a crush-o-rama?
[Escobar]: Loosely speaking, Mike? It's where Charlie Hazard's
dreams of continuing to torture AWI professionals just went!
======================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: An AWESOME Title Defense for Joe!
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Sprite -- Image Is Nothing, Thirst is Everything,
Except When We Need To Use Image ... Isuzu -- if it's good enough for
a wierd Australian, it's good enough for you ... Snappy Tomato Pizza
has pizza as good as its name is dumb ...
======================================================================
>>LOCKER ROOM<<
{Joe Walker, dressed in blue-and-white "Water Joe" sweatpants and an
"AWI -- No Substitute" t-shirt, is sitting on a bench taping up his
left hand. In front of the bench pacing back and forth is Steve the
Insane, wearing glasses, a Firestorm t-shirt, and jeans. Steve is
reading from a book the approximate size of "War and Peace".}
[Steve the Insane]
{reading aloud} Stand behind the victim, reach around his body with
one leg so it's around his side and between his legs ... {looking up
from the book} well, that seems easy enough. It's kinda strange ... I
seem to have gained a reputation of being an out of control barbarian
with an extremely violent temper. That hurts. I mean, I may not show it
much, but I can wrestle. I'm not great at it, but I'm trying, you know?
Instead, in this boxers versus wrestlers thing coming up at the Danse
Macabre, they've got me wearing boxing gloves. You know how hard it is
to grab a chair with boxing gloves? Joe's the one with the boxing ...
me, I can wrestle, so no gloves, ok? Ok. I'm glad that's settled.
Now, on the same subject -- Perfection, you two are just the latest
players in the "Let's get Steve upset by talking smack about Angela"
contest. {to himself} I didn't know suicidal tendencies were
contagious. {aloud} Anyway, I'm not sure why this game has so many
players when there are no winners. Let's see, we had the not so fondly
remembered Jade Tiger and his litle birdie, we had Doug Abercrombie
and friend -- what a weird kid he was -- and now we have you two. Kim,
Jill, you seem like smart boys, so I hope you see what the rest of
these names have in common. I'll give you a hint ... it rhymes with
"Steve and Joe beat them within an inch of their lives till they ran
home crying to Mommy".
So, Kim, Jill ... it really is nothing personal. I'm used this sort of
thing by now. I'm calm, cool, collected. I'm looking at this as a
learning experience, a chance to try out some of these holds I'm trying
to pick up. Aside from that ... we're gonna bash your skulls in.
{Steve goes back to reading his book, still pacing. In the background,
Joe finishes taping his hand; he sits up and makes a couple shadow
punches as if "testing it out", before looking up at the camera.}
[Joe Walker]
Perfection, word on the street has it they're building a federal case
on you two -- seems the FCC considers your brain-dead ranting grounds
for fraud charges! Put it to a jury vote, and you got a unanimous
decision: the only thing you two nuts do "perfectly" is waste time --
mine, Steve's, the front office, and those lovable maniacs behind the
railings every night. Hell, you waste my time right now, making me use
three syllables where one would do just fine: *trash*!
So enough of my time in your pocket, Trash. In the here and now, I've
got bigger worries. #1 ranked worries. Awesome worries. OK, so people
tell me I should be worried, but why? My opponent for that match ought
to be a real change of pace from our damn-aren't-we-glad-he's
ex-champion Robbie Stevens. Yeah, tonight I won't have to worry about
punching below the belt ...
{Steve, flipping through the book, looks up at Joe and shakes his head
correctively.}
[Joe]
... thumb in the eye ...
{Another shake from Steve.}
[Joe]
... clinch in the corner ...
{Steve looks thoughtful for a moment, consults the book, then shakes
his head again.}
[Joe]
{chuckling} OK, so maybe not THAT big a change. But the point is,
probably more of you are here to see HIM than ME. So, you might ask,
why face *him*, instead of someone like Robbie or his gang -- someone
who'll make me look *good* out there?
Because he *asked*. Unlike Robbie, the only ducking you'll see from
THIS champion {he bobs and weaves for a moment in a standard boxing
defensive posture} is the old Marciano two-step. 'Cause when push
comes to shove, Joe Walker doesn't have the fancy moves, the flashy
clothes, the glitzy attendants, or a yearbook full of titles to his
name -- what I've got this: Joe Walker is the hardest working man in
this sport today. I will fight anyone, anywhere, under the toughest
conditions -- sick, injured, bad weather, IRS audit, you WILL see Joe
Walker in that ring when the gauntlet goes down, or putting his fists
to the grindstone to get better for the ring -- 25 hours a day, 8
days a week.
Kerry Masters, I can't say when we walk out of the ring tonight that
I'll still be carrying this trophy ... but I can guarantee you, IF
you can take it off this waist, buster, you'll have EARNED it.
{Steve stops pacing (for the first time the entire interview) and
looks up from his book.}
[StI]
Wait, all you have to do to get a title shot around here is *ASK*?
======================================================================
>>AERIAL SHOT<<
{A slow pan across the booing crowd, as we approach the Sniper's
Nest.}
[Swayze]: Stev-O trying a real move? Can't we get a court order
to stop that, before he hurts himself?
[Marone]: You know, I don't know why Steve has to study so much.
He's already a doctor and stuff.
>>SNIPER'S NEST<<
{Robbie Stevens, Tank Bradley and Toshiaki Hasegawa have apparently
set up camp. Robbie, unfortunately, has a microphone.}
[Swayze]: Hush, you -- genius is present ...
[Robbie]
Waitwaitwaitwait WAIT ... before we get this little shindig going
here, I have an important announcement ... THIS IS A NON-TITLE MATCH!
[Escobar]: WHAT?
{The crowd boos some more -- you get used to it, with Robbie.}
[Robbie]
Because you see, JoJo Walker, it is not you who is the TV Champion, it
is I, Robbie Stevens, who is still the champ. And therefore, since you
are not the champion, you cannot defend the title ...
[Escobar]: No matter WHAT Robbie says, this IS a title match,
folks, and Joe Walker IS the champion -- remember we had
Commissioner Chamberlin's memo last week saying as much!
[Swayze]: Memo, plhegmo--the official word's comin' to ya
straight and direct from the main man himself!
[Robbie]
Now, Hugo can say otherwise ... OK, Hugo's "Reading Is Fundamental"
drop-out thug can say otherwise, but the fact of the matter remains,
I am the TV Champion. And in a bit of irony, you share something with
Mr. Slade, Jojo. No, not poor reading skills ... no, not bad body odor
... but a criminal past!
Now, Jojo, we all know your parole officer would love nothing better
than to send you back to the Colorado State Penn for being guilty of
three felonies and breaking your parole ...
Number One, Assault with an Illegal Wrestling Hold in the State of
Tennessee.
Number Two, Possession of Stolen Property.
Number Three, Impersonating a Television Champion.
Now Joe, we can do this one of three ways. One is you hand me back
the belt, you cop a plea and you maybe you'll get 5 ... 6 years
tops ...
Two is, I press charges you, get 50 to life with no parole ...
And three is I get in the ring with you in my next title defense and I
kick you so hard, I knock your hair onto baldylock's head over there
and then you get sent up the River anyway.
Don't be a two-time loser, Joe ... do the right thing and hand over my
belt. And as for you Kerry ... you're already guilty of impersonating
a wrestler and for costing this man (points to Hasegawa) the North
American championship ...
[Bradley]
I say we kill him now!
[Hasegawa]
No, we aren't gonna kill him now. What we're gonna do is have you
{pointing to Tank} deliver the Nail in the Coffin about 5, 6 trillion
times. Then, I'm gonna lock him in the Fashion Victim for about 3
days. After that, just when he's taking his last breath, uttering his
last cute little catchphrase, looking in the mirror for the very last
time ... then we're gonna revive him, so we can do it all over again!
You wanna cost me /MY/ title Masters?!?!
[Robbie]
{stepping in front of the two to stop them} Hold up, guys ... Masters,
you're gonna have to wait until Danse Macabre for your beating.
Now, since I'm in a sporting mood, I declare this a number one
contenders match ... whoever wins gets a shot against me and my TV
title on an upcoming show. And Joe, watch yourself, because Masters
isn't a bastion of fair play like yours truly ...
>>PRESS TABLE<<
[Escobar]
I can't believe this ... is Robbie Stevens's ego really so large as to
continue this championship charade indefinitely?
[Marone]
I think I'm remembering something else from my high school science ...
like, Robbie's ego is exempted from the ban on perpetual motion
machines. Or something.
>>RING<<
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, your next contest is set for one fall, with a
time limit of fifteen minutes ... and {he pauses, looking down the
aisle where Robbie exited}, it IS for the AWI TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
...
[Swayze]: Oh, BOOM, RIGHT off with the disinformation ... this
is like living in a Communist state, bay-bee, total coverup!
[Allen]
The challenger tonight hails from Orlando, Florida ... he weighs in
at two hundred twenty-one weight pounds ... the "AWWWESOME ONE" ...
KERRY MASTERS!!!
{"Gett Off" by Prince begins to play on the PA, as the crowd bursts
into wild cheers, and Kerry Masters struts down the aisleway.}
[Allen]
And, his opponent ... from the city of Denver, Colorado ... weighing
in at two-hundred seventy-eight pounds ... he IS the TELEVISION
CHAMPION of the AWI ...
[Swayze]: Lies! Lies! Damned Lies!
[Marone]: Statistics!!! {pause, then sheepishly} Uh, got caught
up there, sorry, Justin ...
[Allen]
... accompanied to the ring tonight by Steve the Insane, this is
JOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE WALKER!!!
{The blaring trumpet fanfare of "Gonna Fly Now" by Ferrante & Teicher
fills the air, as Walker jogs down to the ring, followed at a
slightly slower pace by Steve (still carrying his big book); the
crowd's cheers fall a little, but hardly approach silence.}
[Allen]
Your referee for this match is Curtis Keyes.
[Escobar]: We should be set for an excellently balanced match
here ... and there they lock up!
{Kerry and Joe lock up in a collar elbow tieup. Joe gets the advantage,
and scoops up Kerry for a bodyslam. He pulls Kerry back up, and whips
him hard into the turnbuckle, then rushes in afterwords with a corner
clothesline.}
[Swayze]: Heyyy ... you know, this isn't so bad ... no matter
what happens, some loser gets their head kicked in ... and it's
not like EITHER of these punks could take Robbie's belt away!
[Escobar]: Only, one of these 'punks' *did* ... and he's giving
Kerry some trouble now as well ...
{Backing up, Joe drives a karate kick into the midsection, then
attempts a crescent kick, but Kerry ducks and nails him with a shot
below the belt. Kerry then quickly grabs Joe and drops him with a
diamond cutter.}
[Swayze]: Man, you believe all those urban legends, don't you,
Justino?
[Escobar] As long as we're talking the hard to believe, where
did your boss get the idea earlier that he could insinuate
marital problems on the behalf of Chad Duncan? That was
unconscionable!
[Swayze]: Hey, the truth must be told, Justino!
[Marone]: And that brings you guys in where?
{Kerry rolls to a kneeling position, and slaps Joe into an armbar.}
[Escobar]: This match has not really started off well for
the champion --
[Swayze]: I'LL say it hasn't -- the fans were rude, he didn't
get a chance to say hi to me, the monitors in back are LOUSY
for watching, and I think Joey might've stepped on his foot
on the way back ...
[Escobar]: I'm talking about JOE, Chad.
[Swayze]: Then why didn't you SAY Joe?
{Joe forces his way back to his feet, and Kerry lets go of the arm,
knocking Joe down with a drop kick. He picks up Joe and sets him up
for an armbar DDT, but Joe punches him in the neck, then delivers a
backspin fist. Kerry ducks a followup punch from Joe, and puts on a
headlock; Joe quickly lifts Kerry up and bodyslams him to break the
hold.}
[Escobar]: Joe finally to his feet, but Kerry lowers him back
to the floor with a high-elevation drop kick ...
[Marone]: Actually, we're not that far from sea level.
[Escobar]: I'll let that pass ... the armbar DDT averted with
some martial-arts mastery, but Masters catches on and pulls
Joe in -- Joe turns it around into a bodyslam! These two
competitors are REALLY pumped for this match!
[Swayze]: Wouldn't YOU be, knowing the winner gets to face
the TV champ for the title?
[Escobar]: The TV -- how long are you going to keep this
charade up?
[Swayze]: It's a fifteen-minute time limit, right?
[Escobar]: (*sigh*) Mike --
[Marone]: Already on it, Justin -- looking for sock now.
{He applies a clawhold to the shoulder, but Kerry breaks free, grabs
the arm, and twists back into an armbar. Swinging his lower body over
Joe's back, he adds a scissorlock to Joe's other arm.}
[Escobar]: Kerry's got the Masterlock on! We could see the
belt change hands right here -- don't say it Chad ...
[Swayze]: WHAT?
{Joe breaks out, shrugging Kerry forward off his back, then gets up
and drives in a knee to the gut. This is followed by a karate punch
and a forearm smash; he attempts a shoulder claw, but Kerry ducks
behind him and slaps on a headlock. After a few seconds, Kerry
slides away from Joe, switching from headlock to armbar; he then
drops the hold, and steps in for a Russian legsweep, but Joe blocks
it and steps forward before laying a backspin elbow, then a side
kick, into Kerry.}
[Escobar]: No, Joe's out of the hold, and he launches an attack
of his own ...
[Marone]: Which is a lot more effective than launching one of
Kerry's attacks for him.
[Swayze]: Do you guys really pay him to say stuff like that?
[Escobar]: Apparently so ... Kerry eluding the claw this time,
and a hold of his own, twisting around -- but Joe's out, and
this is a blow Kerry can't elude!
[Swayze]: Even I'll admit, Joe's starting to take his vitamins,
do his exercises, and watch his Robbie Stevens tapes -- short of
years in Tibet, how else do you explain prowess like that?
[Marone]: My gue--
[Swayze]: EXACTLY! There's just no other explanation!
{Joe whips Kerry to the ropes, and tries a clothesline, but Kerry
ducks it, rebounds off the opposite side, and hits Joe with a jumping
leg lariat -- but Joe stays on his feet. Masters sweeps out his legs,
and slaps on the armbar/arm scissors combination.}
[Escobar]: Kerry with clothesline ESP, and he follows it up with
a high leg lariat, but Joe stays vertical -- but not after that
textbook legsweep!
[Marone]: Yeah, I was sayin', he co--
[Swayze]: NONE! None whatsoever! Yeah, Joe must really study
those Robbie tapes hard, I imagine ... he must have the whole
library!
[Escobar]: It wouldn't appear to be helping him right now, even
if it were true--Masterlock again ...
{Joe breaks free, and cuffs Kerry with the side of his palm. Standing
up, he scoops Masters up and slams him, then follows with an axe kick.
When Masters gets back to his feet, Joe whips him into the ropes, and
tries a side kick, but Kerry trumps him with a drop kick. He then
tries the armbar/arm scissors combination again.}
[Swayze]: Not helping? How else do you explain the Escape of
Seven Smoke Trails just then? AND the Wilting Crane Snap-blow!
[Marone]: I thin--
[Swayze]: That's RIGHT, you DON'T -- {*KARUMPARAMPLE*) OW!
[Marone]: Umm ... loose chairleg. Gotta watch those.
[Escobar]: Good enough answer for me ... Joe follows a powerful
slam here with an axe kick, then into the ropes -- but Kerry
able to counter again! And he goes right back to that
Masterlock!
[Marone]: Which has three detrimental effects on Joe's match, as
I see it ... one, a lot of Joe's arsenal is those punches, and
an armlock like this weakens both those pythons at once. And
two, ending up in the same hold over and over again like this
has got to be frustrating for Joe -- kinduva deja vu thing. It
can really psyche a guy out.
{Joe gets one arm free, and Masters twists around the second, standing
slightly into a normal armbar. He pulls Joe back up to his feet, then
whips him into the ropes; turning away, he does a backlip into a
standing moonsault bodypress as Joe rebounds: 1 ... 2 ... Joe gets a
shoulder up just before the third count.}
[Escobar]: Joe managing to escape slightly ... and?
[Marone]: And what?
[Escobar]: You said -- KERRY WITH THE EPITOME PRESS! A cover --
but he only gets two!
[Marone]: Uh, no I didn't.
[Escobar]: No, that's -- you were saying about three things
about the Masterlock?
[Marone]: OH YEAH! It really hurts, too.
{Kerry puts Joe in an armbar again, and twists around to face him; Joe
blocks a single-arm DDT attempt, and bodyslams Kerry instead. Kerry
gets up, and Joe whips him to the ropes; as Kerry rebounds back at
Joe, he drops to his knees for a punch to the groin. Kerry grabs him
in a front facelock as he's doubled over, but Joe punches him off,
then whips him back to the ropes; Joe rushes after him and
clotheslines him over the top rope.}
[Swayze]: {*tromptromptromp*} Hey, there's NOTHING wrong with
this chair-leg ...
[Marone]: Must've been a freak occurrence. Maybe something
tidal? Boston's near the ocean, you know.
[Swayze]: Oh, yeah, that makes -- THAT'S STUPID!
[Escobar]: And you're a stranger to that, of course ... Joe,
unfortunately, is NO stranger to the below-the-belt tactics
here -- but OLA! Right over the top for Kerry, and Joe looks
hotter than a third-degree burn right now!
{Joe rushes to the opposite side, rebounds off, and slides under the
bottom rope as he approaches to tackle Kerry. Getting up, he pulls
Masters into a short-arm punch; holding Kerry's arm, he delivers a
second short-arm punch. He tries a third, but Kerry ducks, and
sidesteps around Joe; Joe knocks him down with a savate kick, as the
ring bell sounds.}
[Escobar]: HEADFIRST SLIDE under the ropes nails Kerry! Joe's
just going BALLISTIC outside the ring now, raining punches on
him from ALL directions!
[Swayze]: I ask you ... is this the kind of person you want to
even PRETEND is the TV champion? When you already have skill,
style, grace and class in one impeccable package?
[Marone]: Jennifer Lopez is our TV champ? WOW!
[Swayze]: You are SO not on our Christmas card list right now,
Miko amigo.
[Escobar]: Kerry gets away -- but Joe floors him with a kick ...
I think he's lost track of the count, though, because Curtis
Keyes is signalling for the bell!
[Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, BOTH wrestlers have been DISQUALIFIED, due to a
DOUBLE-COUNTOUT!
=================================================================
WHEN WE RETURN: Which Lady Will Accessorize In GOLD?
COMMERCIAL BREAK: Jolly Ranchers -- the flavor is intense ... if
you're going to be doing random pseudo-hiphop dancing, you'll
need to wear Skechers ... khakis swing ... get NOW!, for all the
music you might have liked then but are tired of NOW! ...
=================================================================>>PRESS TABLE<<
[Escobar]
Welcome back, aficianados! We're just about ready to begin tonight's
MAIN EVENT, a preview of what's in store for the big Danse Macabre
battle -- in tonight's case, featuring practically the entire AWI
Women's Division!
[Swayze]
That's right, bay-bee, CHICK CITY! It's better than headin' for wings
at--
[Escobar]
--AND there's no doubt as to why they're all here: the AWI Women's
World Championship, recently vacated by Sarah Victory, is on the line!
[Swayze]
Why do you keep cutting me off? You're killing the show's buzz, man!
>>RINGSIDE<<
[Rod Allen]
Ladies and gentlemen, Allied Wrestling IIIINTERNATIONAL presents its
DANSE MACABRE OVERTURE MAIN EVENT! This event has NO time limit, and
is a SIXTEEN-woman tournament under DANSE MACABRE rules: each
competitor begins in the first of four numbered rings, and wrestles
to a pinfall or submission, the winner of a fall advancing to the
next numbered ring while her opponent is eliminated! When two women
remain in the fourth and final ring, the winner of that fall will
become the AWI WOMEN'S CHAMPION!
It's now time to introduce tonight's MAIN EVENT COMPETITORS!
{The fans start cheering as the wrestlers start arriving, both kicked
off with the sounds of Motley Crue's "Live Wire" ...}
First ... she hails from Sunnyvale, California ... "LIVE WIRE" ...
TOMMIE ... SPAAAAAAAAAAAAARKS!!!
{"If" by Janet Jackson plays over the speakers, and the impressive
figure of Mara Machismo makes her way to ringside ...}
From the City of Brotherly Love itself, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ...
a member of the legendary Machismo family ... MAAAAAARRRRRAA
MACHIIIIIIIIIIIIISMO!!!
{"Rock of Ages" by Def Leppard plays again, and Janet LeVond returns
to ringside to a smattering of boos, looking like she just showered but
otherwise dressed the same as before ...}
Hailing from Lansing, Michigan ... JAAAAAAANET LEVOOOOOOOOOOND!!!
[Escobar]: LeVond may be a disadvantage heading into the Danse,
as she's already wrestled one match tonight.
[Swayze]: She didn't wrestle a MATCH, Justino. She just wrestled
SYBIL. She'll be fine.
{Aerosmith's "The Farm" garners mild cheers as Dorothy Gayle heads
jauntily down to ringside.}
From Wichita, Kansas, in America's Breadbasket ... "BLUE RIBBON" ...
DOROTHY ... GAAAAAAAAAAAYLE!!!
{"Edge of the Blade" by Mystikal shakes up the crowd, who turns ugly
in a hurry ... an unconcerned Talia Yamahara struts to ringside ...}
Though her form may reside in YOUR hometown, Boston MASS-achusetts ...
rest assured, her spirit hails from the Rising Sun ... she is called
the DRAGON ... TALIA ... YAAAAAAAAAAMAHARA!!!
{The live version of REO Speedwagon's "Riding the Storm" plays, as
Kelly Tucker hits the ring looking determined.}
From Chicago, Illinois ... KELLY TUUUUUUUUUUCKER!!!
{Hole's "Celebrity Skin" gets the crowd cheering even harder, buoyed
by the appearance of Jessica Perkins earlier in the night ... she appears
wearing a slightly ripped-up leotard and an otherwise no-nonsense look}
She comes from Portland, Oregon ... NOT representing Team Stevens ...
JESSICA ... PEEEEERRRRRRRRRRKINS!!!
{"Superpredators" by Massive Attack assaults the ears, nearly outdone by
boos, as Alliyah Johnston casually makes her way to ringside.}
From the Big Apple itself, New York City ... the undisputed leader of
Checkmate ... she is known as THE "MASTERMIND" ... ALLIYYYYAAHH ...
JOOOOOOHHNSTON!!
{Robert Plant's wail echoes through the arena as Led Zeppelin's
"Immigrant's Song" plays, while Robbie Stevens leads a particularly
pumped-up Tori Johannssen to ringside. Naturally, booing ensues.}
From the icy reaches of arctic Sweden ... representing Team
Stevens ... "The Swedish Hammer" ... TOOOORII JOHAAAAAAANNSSEENN!!!
{"Surf Rider" by the Lively Ones brings the musical mood to a calmer
level, but the fans don't follow, as the vivacious Melissa Wright, in
a green and silver swimsuit, blithely heads to the ring.}
From Manhattan, New York ... the BIIIIIIILLION-DOOOOLLLAR BAAABE ...
MELIIIIIIIIISSSA WRIIIIIIIIGHT!!!
{The AWI's house band strikes up an instrumental version of "Deep in
the Heart of Texas", as the diminutive spitfire Colt Kawaii bounds
down the ring, zig-zagging from side to side to interact with the
fans, who respond with hearty cheers.}
From Osaka, Japan, by way of the Lone Star State ... COOOOOOOOOOOOLT
KAWAAAAAAAAAIIII!!!
{"You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrissette shreds the speakers,
heralding the appearance of Dacia Blackthorne, still sporting her
"Braveheart"-esque warpaint look ... the fans' reaction is as mixed
as it is enthusiastic, a solid but small core of cheers amidst a
liberal showering of boos ...}
From the shores of Loch Ness ... she is the RINGMASTER ... DACIA
BLAAAAACKTHORNE!!!
{Republica's "Ready to Go" gets the crowd cheering wildly again, as
Brenda Storm,
She also hails from Portland, Oregon, and owns one-half of the Women's
World Tag Team championship held in suspension ... BRRRRREEEENDA
STOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRMMM!!!
{"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor plays over the speakers, overlaid with
tiger's roars in the pauses ... and the crowd's cheers turn quickly to
resounding boos, as Tiger Z strides arrogantly to the ring in a
tigerskin patterned full leotard and custom rhinestone studded black
leather jacket.}
Hailing from Tokyo, Japan ... she is a FORMER AWI Women's Champion of
the World .. the Black Queen of Checkmate ... TIIIIGER Z!!!
{"Heaven or Hell" by Rich Voisine plays to an intense crowd pop, as
the flaming-singlet clad Angela Dante makes her way to the ring ...}
From Angel's Camp, California ... the other half of the Women's World
Tag Team champions reigning "in exile" ... AAAAANGELA DAAAAANTE!!!
{The Lady of Rage's "Big Bad Lady" takes the last turn on the PA, a
pause settling on the crowd as cheers, mixed with a few boos, turns
into impatience as no-one emerges ...}
Last, but certainly not least, from the city of New Orleans,
Louisiana ... MAAAAAAAAADELINE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEECHILD!!!
{Freechild finally flies out from the entry running at full speed, a
steel chair in hand ... before anyone can get a real fix on the situation,
she reaches Dacia Blackthorne, flooring her with the chair, and nailing
her again immediately.}
[Escobar]: Freechild finally here, and she's in a hurry to -- OLA!
Madeline skips the ring line-up, to just totally PLASTER Dacia with
a steel chair! She looks FURIOUS!
[Swayze]: Oh, MAN, she's not even TRYIN' to be subtle! She's
just finishin' what she started!
[Escobar]: I think recent events have given Madeline ample
enough justification for her anger, if not her tactics ...
[Swayze]: You and I both know, the only recent event THIS has to
do with is that Madeline found out she likes how she looks in
red!
[Marone]: I dunno, Madeline pretty much looks good whatever
she's wearin' ...
>>RING ONE<<
{Kelly Tucker and Dorothy Gayle lock up into a collar-elbow tieup.
Tori Johannsen charges Jessica Perkins, levelling her with a float
kick. Melissa Wright squares off with Angela Dante, and scoops her up
for a bodyslam. Janet LeVond blindsides Mara Machismo with a
clothesline; Sparks backpeddles from the main conflicts, looking over
the ring. Talia Yamahara throws karate kicks into Colt Kawaii *and*
Brenda Storm; Tiger Z rolls up Alliyah Johnston with a rather
soft-looking pin predicament.}
[Escobar]: The bell has rung ... and IN the ring, at least,
things are rapidly breaking up into oppositional pairs --
wait a minute -- Tiger Z rolls up ALLIYAH JOHNSTON? Brandie
Mulroney's counting -- 1 ... 2 ... 3?!? Tiger Z has ambushed
her own manager, apparently, to advance to the second ring!
[Swayze]: Hey, it IS every woman for herself!
[Escobar]: Wait a minute ... Johnston not looking the LEAST bit
disturbed ... oh, for -- it's a SETUP! I don't believe this --
she actually entered this match just to give Tiger Z a TOTALLY
unwarranted advantage!
[Swayze]: And THAT's why she's the Mastermind, and you're just
sitting here in awe!
[Marone]: Billion-Dollar Babe's going after Steve's girl -- not
the smartest move, but I s'pose she can afford it ...
[Escobar]: I still can't -- in any case, we can also see some of
the newcomers and less frequent competitors feeling each other
out, as Janet LeVond catches Mara Machismo by surprise, Tucker
& Gayle lock up, and Tommie Sparks does a little recon ... and
Talia Yamahara's choice of opponents is predictable, though she
may be biting off more than she can chew!
[Swayze]: More than she can chew, maybe, but not more than she
can kung fu!
[Marone]: I, uh, thought that was karate.
[Swayze]: Trust me -- I'm well-trained as an observer of --
[Escobar]: Don't even 'think' about saying 'ninja' again ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Freechild throws Dacia into the railing. She then picks up a
steel chair and rushes into Blackthorne, sandwiching her between
chair and railing.}
[Swayze]: You know, our journalistic relationship is NOT
going to fare very well if you INSIST on cutting into my
first amendment rights!
[Escobar]: Chad, we don't HAVE a-- forget it. Aficianados,
Freechild is TOTALLY out of control on the outside! I
sincerely hope that Mulroney can get out there and stop this!
[Marone]: Uh, she's got 13 other women to watch -- she's
a little busy right now ...
[Swayze]: Sure, Justin, what happened to "her anger is
justified", huh? Face it -- EVERYBODY here understands JUST
what this means, except YOU!
[Marone]: It means Dacia's getting beat up.
[Swayze]: I stand corrected.
>>RING ONE<<
{Tori throws Perkins over the top rope.}
[Chad]: That's it! Tori versus Tiger, man!
[Escobar]: Uh, Chad ... that doesn't--
[Chad]: Clean elimination, bay-bee! Jessica is O-U-T!
[Escobar]: Chad, this isn't a battle royale -- over-the-top
is NOT an elimination!
{Angela hiptosses Wright; Kawaii and Talia start exchanging kicks,
as Storm backs away. Kelly Tucker breaks the tieup with an armdrag
takedown.}
[Escobar]: Dante starting to get the best of Wright at last,
as Colt manages to put up a valiant fight against Talia
Yamahara ...
[Marone]: That's it, kid, you can beat the Dragon! And then
you can take the Dragonball from her, and evolve your pokemon
to the next Final Fantasy level with it, and ... uh, wait,
that sounds wrong somehow ...
[Swayze]: *That's* an understatement. How about cutting into
HIS rights sometime, Escobo?
{LeVond puts a headlock on Mara, then attempts a bulldog, but Mara
picks her up with an atomic drop. Brenda Storm joins Angela, the
two hitting Wright with a legsweep/dropkick combination.}
[Escobar]: Drop me a memo, Chad ... LeVond with a bit of a
surprising offense against Mara -- but she goes too far, and
Machismo makes her pay! And even in the every woman for
herself environment of this event, Firestorm shows what makes
them a TEAM to be reckoned with!
[Swayze]: Oh, right, just try to spin *everything* for the
stockholder favorites -- that's a pure and simple DOGPILE,
Justino, and there AIN'T no pretty word for it!
[Marone]: Sure there is: teamwork. He kinda used it alread--
[Swayze]: Did I ASK YOU???
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Perkins pulls Tori into a headlock. Blackthorne grabs Freechild by
the hair, and pulls her over the railing, then starts stumbling back
towards the ring. Perkins cinches Tori into an abdominal stretch.}
[Escobar]: Speaking of teamwork -- or the lack thereof -- the
former partners in Robbie's Angels are now doing their best to
COMPLETELY dismantle each other ...
[Swayze]: {snort} You sadist -- you don't understand, do you?
The only reason Perkins is still alive is because Tori's poor
Swedish mind can't comprehend what's happened to her ... see,
she still thinks Perkins IS her partner, she doesn't KNOW what
BACKSTABBING, CRAZY witch she really IS! {overdramatic} Please,
Justino ... as a professional ... as a human being ... show some
dignity for the pain that Tori is going through.
[Marone]: Yeah. Ab stretches hurt.
[Escobar]: Meanwhile, it looks like Dacia has FINALLY managed to
find a way to escape the Fury of Freechild!
[Swayze]: Probably kicked him in the --
[Escobar]: CHAD!
[Swayze]: WHAT?! Man, you are SERIOUSLY crimpin' my STYLE
tonight! Does the AWI know about the way you keep cuttin' in
like that?
[Escobar]: Believe me, they do -- and the extra funds are much
appreciated.
>>RING ONE<<
{Brenda and Angela double-kick Melissa Wright; Yamahara scoops up
Colt Kawaii and slams her. Mara lets Janet get back up, only to
knock her down with a stiff palm shot to the face. Kelly Tucker
locks an armbar on Gayle. Angela whips Melissa into the ropes,
then backdrops her over the top rope.}
[Escobar]: FireStorm continuing their team tactics against
Melissa Wright ... and Mara now in control against Janet
LeVond ... Gayle seems _completely_ lost against Tucker's
technical arsenal right now, which is rather surprising ...
and Dante sends Wright down to the floor outside!
[Marone]: You know, for this not bein' a battle royale,
a lot of people are goin' over the top -- it's kind of
scary the way these women are using the concrete.
{Brenda Storm wanders away from Angela towards Talia, who whips
Colt into a corner, only to get drop-kicked by Brenda; Tommy
Sparks delivers another dropkick to Dacia Blackthorne. Tommy gets
back up and hits a hurricarana on Janet LeVond, then covers her:
1, and a kickout. Brenda and Colt double-kick Talia; Kelly drops
the armbar on Gayle, and switches to a reverse toehold. Angela
dives over the rope at Melissa, who catches her in the air with a
drop kick.}
[Escobar]: Storm freed up by her partner, and seeks out a
new foe -- which I'm sure Colt is VERY appreciative of ...
Blackthorne makes it into the ring, but Tommie Sparks
welcomes her with a drop-kick!
[Marone]: Not much of a welcome. Remind me not to invite
her to any housewarmings.
[Escobar]: LeVond tries to get the drop on Sparks -- RANA
from the newcomer puts a stop to THAT plan! Mulroney with
the count -- but LeVond out at 1 ... Angela DANTE OVER THE
TOP ROPE -- NO NO NO! Wright pulls her RIGHT out of the sky
with a drop kick! A big gamble loses big!
[Swayze]: Never bet against a babe with a billion dollars
on her side, inferno-chickie!
{Freechild hops onto the apron, and grabs Dacia as she's standing,
pulling her over the ropes; Mara Machismo dropkicks Dacia to send
her flying out of the ring.}
[Marone]: Inferno-chickie?
[Escobar]: Freechild ready to rejoin the match now, but
going RIGHT back after Blackthorne!
[Marone]: Here we go again-- hey!
[Escobar]: This is something of a surprise -- Mara Machismo
actually HELPS Madeline Freechild continue her single-minded
assault on Dacia Blackthorne ...
[Swayze]: Can you blame her? Come on, with a name like
"Machismo"? I think someone's been sharing a certain German
clinic ...
[Escobar]: We are NOT starting that again.
[Swayze]: Give me one good reason NOT to!
>>PRESS TABLE<<
{Marone holds up an issue of "eWI" magazine in front of Chad,
flipping through some pages as Chad turns funny colors.}
[Marone]
Here's one -- meet the family.
[Swayze]
Oh. I, uh, see your point.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Tori breaks free of the hold, and stomps away, only to be knocked
down by a dashing back elbow strike from Jessica. Jess pulls Tori
back up, only to be distracted by Robbie; Tori floors her with a
clothesline.}
[Swayze]: Now, look at that! What a gentleman, stepping in
to save an innocent women ...
[Escobar]: Gentleman, like-- Robbie shouldn't even be out
here! This is a *women's* event, he has no right to get
involved!
[Swayze]: Excuse me? This IS an AWI arena, yes? We ARE
on television, correcto? So the *AWI* *Television* champio--
[Escobar]: FORMER Television champion, and it doesn't work
that way anyhow!
{Robbie is knocked down a moment later, when Mara Machismo flips
herself out of the ring to connect with a kick. Melissa Wright
pulls up Angela and bodyslams her to the concrete. }
[Swayze]: I beg to-- HEY!!! What's Mara think she's doing?
Sh-she has no right to involve the main man Robbie in this
match -- it's CHICKS ONLY!!!
[Marone]: You ever get the feeling we're just not speaking
the same language as him, Justin?
[Swayze]: I KNOW you aren't, caveMike ... I'd need about a
gazillion more bumps to the head first, about like the 'Babe's
givin' Dante right now!
[Escobar]: Careful how you phrase that, Chad --
[Swayze]: Huh? (*gulp*) Uh, yeah, like man, it wasn't really
a suggestion, honest! Don't look at me like that!
[Marone]: What? What'd I do?
>>RING ONE<<
{Colt jumps onto the top rope and springs off with a moonsault to
knock down Yamahara. LeVond scratches at Tommy Sparks's eyes.
Brenda rushes the ropes, and slide-kicks under it to hit Melissa.}
[Escobar]: With the ring cleared out some, Colt does what she
does best, taking to the air and bringing down Yamahara!
[Marone]: Honest, Justin, I dunno what he's talking about ...
[Escobar]: Don't trouble yourself over it, Mike -- now that's
uncalled for from Janet LeVond!
[Swayze]: She's LOSING, Justin -- trust me, it's called for!
[Escobar]: Just because -- hold on! Brenda Storm open, and
she makes the most of it with a BIG rescue for her partner!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Madeline throws Blackthorne into the railing again, then grabs a
chair and begins beating her with it.}
[Marone]: Blackthorne probably wishes she still HAD a partner
to rescue her from this -- OUCH! Dude, it's gettin' WORSE!
[Swayze]: Can't we get the boys in white to take Maddie away
yet?
[Escobar]: Again, Brandie Mulroney might decide to give
Madeline a warning, but she obviously feels there are more
important things going on right now.
{Tori attempts to whip Jessica into the railing, but she reverses it.
Brenda legsweeps Melissa.}
[Swayze]: Well, at least Dacia ain't the only chick about to
eat railing -- HEY!!
[Marone]: Well, they say turnabout's fair play!
[Swayze]: NOBODY SAID SHE COULD PLAY FAIR AGAINST TEAM STEVENS!
>>RING ONE<<
{Gayle breaks the lock; she and Kelly get back to their feet, and
Dorothy whips her into the ropes. LeVond puts a bear hug on Tommy
Sparks, while Colt and Yamahara lock up in a grapple. Gayle hops
over the rebounding Kelly for a sunset flip: 1 ... 2 ... Kelly
rolls forward, reversing the pin: 1 ... Gayle flips out.}
[Escobar]: Dorothy Gayle finally begins to mount an offense
against Kelly Tucker, who has left her a captive opponent
almost this entire match ...
[Marone]: It just goes to show, experience counts. 'Course,
bruises and broken bones count negative, but Kelly doesn't
have as many of those as most people with her experience.
[Escobar]: Tucker tossed into the ropes -- a sunset flip,
and we could have another -- wait, reversed -- and Gayle
out! Kelly Tucker, though, yet again proves resourceful!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{As Mara gets back into the ring, Brandie Mulroney makes her way
outside; she gets in Robbie's face, obviously directing him away
from the action. Brenda and Angela head for Dacia and Madeline,
and fire off a double dropkick-- but Dacia slips away and Freechild
eats the kick. Tori shakes off the hit to the railing, and rushes back
at Jess to surprise her with a float kick.}
[Escobar]: I see Mara returning to the ring now, while Brandie
takes care of one of the more annoying pieces of ringside
action --
[Swayze]: Hey, watch how you talk about the main man there!
[Escobar]: --and while she handles that, FireStorm heads over to
give Madeline a hand -- oh NO!
[Swayze]: Gee, that looks more like a foot -- a couple feet
actually ... not that Maddie didn't have it COMING, of course.
[Escobar]: Don't even TRY to insinuate that was anything other
than an accident!
[Marone]: They certainly don't seem happy about it if it wasn't
an accident.
[Swayze]: Sure, cover for them -- wait -- Waiiit for it--BOOM!!!
Hahaha -- man, just put that on loop for the rest of the time
limit!
[Escobar]: I'm not sure which is more surprising, the resilience
Tori just showed come off the railing like that, or the force
she put behind the float kick!
>>RING ONE<<
{Colt Kawaii rolls Talia into a small package: 1 ... Talia kicks
free. Tucker manages to grab Gayle in a toehold before she can
stand. Mara kicks LeVond to free Tommie Sparks from the bear hug.}
[Escobar]: While Jessica pulls herself together -- Kawaii with
a small package on Talia --
[Marone]: YES! ONE! TW-
[Escobar]: But just the one count!
[Marone]: Damn ... keep tryin', Colt!
[Escobar]: Machismo, meanwhile, getting Tommie Sparks out
of a sticky situation.
[Swayze]: Why can't she mind her own business?
[Marone]: Well, since there can only be one winner, it kinda
IS her business, isn't it?
[Escobar]: Fans, we need to take a break! We'll be right back!
======================================================================
COMMERCIALS: Wendy's -- it's Cheeseburger Paradise ... Kevin Nash has
Monster Truck Madness (and we have issues with our advertisers) ...
coming this winter: SLEEPY HOLLOW ...
======================================================================>>RINGSIDE<<
{Madeline gets up, and grabs for Dacia, but Dacia throws her down
with an arm drag. Tori slaps a hammerlock onto Jessica, and drags
her to the railing, then begins slamming her into it repeatedly
using the hold for leverage. Angela and Brenda return to Melissa
Wright, cutting her down with a legsweep/kneelift combination
before she can regain her bearings. Dacia picks up Freechild, and
delivers a kneebreaker.}
[Escobar]: Dacia Blackthorne seems to be finally giving back
some of the beating Madeline has been dishing out tonight!
[Marone]: Hey, that's cool -- because, hey, I know Madeline's
mad and all, but, take it somewhere professional-like,
somewhere MEANT to settle this kind of stuff ...
[Escobar]: You mean, like, legal arbitration?
[Marone]: I was thinking of a bar, but that'd work.
[Escobar]: Mike, I really don't think our social circles
converge much ... speaking of 'converge', Angela and Brenda
do just that on Melissa Wright, Brenda going low and Angela
high to cut the Billion-Dollar Babe down to size.
[Marone]: Yeah, now she's only a few hundred thousand dollars.
>>RING ONE<<
{Mara whips LeVond into the ropes, blocking her on the rebound
with a back kick, stunning her for Tommy Sparks to cut her down
with a front Russian legsweep. Gayle pushes out of the hold and
staggers to her feet, but Kelly Tucker just sends her down with a
bodyslam; she then slaps on an Indian deathlock.}
[Escobar]: Machismo and Sparks now teaming up to deliver some
due punishment to Ms. LeVond ... Gayle up -- but Tucker still
has her number, and locks her up on the mat again!
[Swayze]: You know, watching this match tonight, I think
I've learned something very deep: Kelly Tucker REALLY
didn't like _The Wizard of Oz_.
[Marone]: That's deep?
[Swayze]: Well, that's as deep as either Tucker or Gayle
get, mind you. I can only do so much with what I *got*.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Dante climbs onto the apron and jumps off for a suicide
elbowsmash into Tori, while Melissa Wright brings down Brenda
with a drop toehold. Blackthorne drops a knee into Freechild's
back, then drags her to her feet to drive a second shot into her
stomach.}
[Escobar]: Dante's headed to the top of the turnbuckle now --
CASTIGO! Suicida elbow drive right into Tori Johanssen!
[Swayze]: Sure, just stab Tori right in the back! Is it any
wonder this woman is leading on the big blond doofus right
now? And look what happened to her 'partner'!
[Escobar]: Storm indeed momentarily caught off-guard by a
drop toehold from the Billion-Dollar Babe --
[Swayze]: So not ONLY does she play dirty against my Team's
favorite vikingette, she lets down her own partner to do it!
Let this be a lesson to you, Brenda bay-bee -- YOU CAN'T TRUST
ANGELA DANTE!
>>RING ONE<<
{Janet LeVond stands back up, only to get knocked down again by a
Tommy Sparks dropkick. Colt stuns Talia with a chop, then bounces off
the ropes, leaping on the rebound into a bodypress that carries her
and Talia into the next ring, colliding with Tiger Z. Mara hops onto
the apron, then jumps off to hit Melissa Wright outside.}
[Escobar]: OLA! Colt Kawaii shows a trick still left in her
sleeve for both members of Checkmate -- what a package of
dynamite!
[Swayze]: Now *there's* a warm fuzzy -- Colt Kawaii and a
package of dynamite ...
[Marone]: {flatly} What?
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Dante and Tori stand up, and Angela dropkicks Tori back down; Brenda
hits Wright with a palm thrust, then legsweeps her.}
[Swayze]: ... to, uh, give to one of the members of Checkmate!
Yeah, that's it ...
[Escobar]: Both Dante AND Storm seem to be in control of their
respective battles now -- it seems Dante wasn't wrong to leave
Brenda to her own devices after all ...
[Swayze]: Hindsight's 20/20, Justin -- far as I'M concerned,
the damage is already done!
>>RING ONE<<
{Sparks attempts a legscissors rollup to pin LeVond: 1 ... Janet
kicks out.}
[Escobar]: And we could have -- no, LeVond quickly out.
>>RING TWO<<
{Colt and Talia get up, and Colt monkey-flips Talia back over the
ropes. As the two return to their feet, Tiger Z nails Colt with a
savate kick from behind; Talia catches her staggering forward, and
scoops her up into a Death Valley driver.}
[Escobar]: Colt continues to show up Checkmate -- no! Tiger Z
and Talia make her pay for their embarassment!
[Marone]: Aw, NO, man!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Blackthorne powerbombs Freechild, then gets knocked down by an
enziguri from Mara. Dante pulls Tori up and hip-tosses her back into
the ring. Following after, Angela tries an armdrag, but Tori bodyslams
her back out of the ring; almost an instant later, Perkins appears
with a chair, clipping Tori in the head from the apron. Dacia and Mara
get back to their feet, and Dacia hits Machismo with a back thrust
kick. Wright pulls down Brenda Storm with a single-leg takedown.}
[Escobar]: Meanwhile, Blackthorne in complete control on the
outside -- but Mara with a timely save! Dante with Johannssen in
the ring now -- JESSICA PERKINS with a SERIOUS blow there!
[Swayze]: I can't believe Brandie'd just let her get away with
that!
[Marone]: Brandie's tired, dude.
>>RING ONE<<
{Tommie Sparks dropkicks Janet LeVond. Talia whips Colt into the
ropes, where Tiger Z catches her and diamond-cutters her onto the top
rope; Colt snaps away from the ropes, back into Talia's hands to get a
reverse DDT.}
[Marone]: This is NOT FAIR, man! Colt didn't *bring* her
stablemates into this!
[Escobar]: Uh, Colt doesn't *have* any "stablemates" as of yet,
Mike ... much to her disadvantage, I'm afraid to say ...
[Swayze]: Hey, Sailor Moon down there brought it on herself --
SHE brought Tiger Z back into this! You've got nothing to
complain about!
[Escobar]: Technically true, though that *hardly* excuses the
kind of tactics Checkmate has been using here!
{Jessica Perkins hops onto the top rope and springs off to hit Tori
with a dropkick. Kelly Tucker throws Dorothy Gayle into the corner
with an irish whip. Sparks picks up Janet and whips her to the ropes,
but Janet leapfrogs on the rebound; she then ducks a clothesline on
the second pass. Yamahara locks a boston crab on Colt. Kelly steps
onto the second rope to start a series of piston punches, but Dorothy
twists around and falls back to drop Kelly into a shoulder slam.}
[Escobar]: Perkins to the top, and an unexpected but impressive
display of agility! And Gayle reeling from Tucker's onslaught--
desperation move to take down the veteran!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Brenda Storm locks a crucifix armbar on Melissa Wright. Dacia charges
at Mara, who turns around to face her, then throws her into a back
body drop.}
[Escobar]: Dacia running in -- Mara catches her in time, and a
HIGH elevation back drop!
>>RING ONE<<
{Kelly Tucker kicks away Dorothy from the mat; Sparks finally connects
with a dropkick on Janet. Jessica Perkins rushes Tori to hit with a
kick, then turns to face Angela Dante, sliding back into the ring. The
two stare each other down for a moment.}
[Escobar]: Tucker regaining the offensive from Gayle -- Perkins
with a solid running kick on Tori ... and now she's face-to-face
with Angela Dante!
[Swayze]: And now she'll pay for dissin' the main man! Robbie
would've protected her from Angela Backstab, but now she's got
nobody to watch her back!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Freechild gets up and grabs a chair, as Dacia legsweeps Mara. Melissa
Wright twists free of the armbar, earning a chop from Brenda Storm.
Freechild blasts Dacia with the chair.}
[Marone]: YEESH ... with the damage it's doing, you'd think the
chair was a competitor ...
>>RING ONE<<
{Tori gets back up, and both Jessica and Angela turn to confront her,
hitting her with a double-forearm shot. Colt presses out of the Boston
crab, and Talia reaches down to pull her up by the hair; Talia whips
Colt to the interior ropes, and her and Z sandwich the smaller girl
between kneelifts. Tommy Sparks scores a jumping splash on LeVond;
Kelly Tucker whips Dorothy Gayle to the ropes, but Dorothy leapfrogs
her on the rebound.}
[Escobar]: The standoff between Dante and Perkins ends as Tori
interjects, as they team to put er back down ... Colt out again
-- but Talia with a handful of hair, and -- and a BRUTAL team
attack with Tiger Z to keep her young foe down!
[Marone]: Now this is getting RIDICULOUS!
{Jessica climbs the turnbuckle, but Tori shoves Angela into the corner,
knocking Jess off. Back on her feet, Janet LeVond falls victim to
jumping headscissors from Sparks; Tucker catches Gayle on the second
pass with a legwheel throw. Talia puts Colt in a spinning wristlock,
then knocks her down with a leaping hook kick; she rolls Colt over and
covers her.}
[Escobar]: Perkins goes to the top again -- Tori with a shove --
and Perkins goes tumbling down!
[Swayze]: SEE? I TOLD you Jessica couldn't trust Devious Dante!
[Escobar]: Devi--she was tossed in by YOUR team's wrestler!
[Swayze]: Oh, please -- she only made it LOOK like that so poor
Tori would have to take the blame, and Jess'll NEVER come to her
senses now about coming back to Team Stevens! Oh, that Angie's a
clever one, but I'm on to ya, bay-bee!
[Escobar]: That's just ... Colt in serious trouble -- and Talia
nails the Dragon's Bite!
[Marone]: No, no, no! Come on, get up, getup!!!
[Escobar]: I'm afraid Colt's not going to be that lucky this
time, Mike -- Brandy counts three, and Talia will be joining her
teammate in the second ring!
[Marone]: Sonuva ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Dacia manages to pull Mara between her and Madeline, and Machismo
takes the blow instead. Brenda Storm locks a trapezius hold on Melissa.
Dacia gets back to her feet, and dropkicks Freechild before she can
recover from the mistake. Tori rolls out of the ring, and grabs a
chair.}
[Swayze]: Buck up, Mike -- there are still like a dozen chicks
out there -- you can still find another one to be totally and
brainlessly rooting for ...
[Marone]: I could make YOU brainless.
[Escobar]: Gents, we still have a match to call ... and Mara
with a MOST unfortunate position on the outside, as Dacia pulls
her into the path of a charging Madeline Freechild--
[Swayze]: Who doesn't even care whose blood she's tastin', as
long as someone's hurting!
[Escobar]: Blackthorne continuing to take advantage of the
miscue, flooring Madeline with a dropkick ... Tori on the
outside, and she takes possession of a chair.
[Marone]: You just know that's not because she wants to sit
down, too.
>>RING ONE<<
{Tucker locks a reverse toehold onto Gayle. Tommie Sparks throws
LeVond into the ropes, and connects with a back elbow shot on the
rebound.}
[Escobar]: Sparks with an irish whip -- beautiful back elbow!
[Marone]: There is one bright side to Colt bein' out, I guess
... at least this way those Checkmate chicks have to beat each
OTHER up for a change.
>>RING TWO<<
{Talia and Tiger Z make an exaggerated show of stretching exercises.}
[Swayze]: Not necessarily, Miko amigo...
[Escobar]: Now ... now this is just mocking the whole
event ...
[Swayze]: What? You don't call this sports entertainment?
*I'm* being entertained ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Tori heads for Jessica, who defends herself with a back kick. Wright
breaks free, and Brenda legsweeps her. Dacia slides the chair Freechild
was using under Madeline's knee, and starts stomping the leg viciously;
Mara pulls her away, and delivers a short-arm clothesline.}
[Escobar]: Perkins avoids an ugly encounter with the steel chair
with some deft kicking action ... but Madeline cannot similarly
avoid the chair Dacia's appropriated from her, and now her leg is
taking some serious punishment -- but Mara Machismo again with a
POWERFUL save!
[Swayze]: There she goes again! How come she has to keep
sticking her nose in every time things get interesting?
>>RING ONE<<
{Sparks spikes LeVond hard with a DDT, then rolls on top for the
cover.}
[Escobar]: Sparks hits the Bolt From The Blue! Brandie makes the
count ... there's another three! And newcomer Tommy Sparks is
heading into the next ring, where Checkmate awaits!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Jessica slams Tori onto the ringside steps. Storm sets her hands to
give Angela a jumping boost, so she can hit a senton onto Melissa
Wright. Mara tries to set up a heart kick on Dacia, but gets
interrupted with a kneelift.}
[Escobar]: Perkins delivering SERIOUS punishment to her
ex-teammate ... FireStorm with another superior tag-team
maneuver against the Billion-Dollar Babe ... and Dacia scores
against Mara to drive her back.
>>RING TWO<<
{Brandy Mulroney is now in the second ring, having words with Talia
Yamahara and Tiger Z. Sparks surprises them both by hopping off the
center turnbuckle for a double flying clothesline.}
[Escobar]: OLA! Sparks shows off some aerial dazzle, AND teaches
Checkmate a thing or two about real competition!
[Swayze]: What, by acing them from behind while "Blind" Brandy
Mulroney earns her monthly kickback check?
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Jessica shoves Tori inside the ring, then climbs up the turnbuckle;
she attempts a moonsault double-stomp, but Tori gets a foot up to
intercede.}
[Swayze]: I mean, look at that! THAT'S what Brandy ought to be
getting in the face of -- Jessica Bates there!
[Escobar]: I fail to see what *anything* Jessica Perkins has
accomplished so far really requires referee intervention ...
[Swayze]: See, Justino, that's just what I *mean*! Brandy's
supposed to be a liberated woman of the 90s, right? Creative,
intelligent, et ce-te-ra? Well, fine, MAKE SOMETHING UP!!! But
just get that loon outta Tori's face so she can punk Firestorm
or something!
>>RING ONE<<
{Brenda and Angela pull Melissa Wright back to the ring. Kelly Tucker
shifts to an Indian deathlock. Dacia Blackthorne slides back into the
ring. Angela forearms Melissa, stunning her long enough for Brenda to
connect with a springboard enziguiri kick. Brenda makes a cover: 1 ...
2 ... Melissa pulls Brenda off by the hair.}
[Escobar]: Speaking of which ... it seems like Firestorm is now
pitching in together to put Melissa Wright out of the running ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, what a *totally* unfair and unrighteous act of
collusion! This is JUST why we need Tori free to dispense some
Team Stevens sentencing ... how do you expect any competitor to
get their fair shake in when these two mob darlings are puttin'
the hit out on everyone?
>>RING TWO<<
{Tommy Sparks dropkicks Talia Yamahara, but Tiger Z grabs her by the
hair, dragging her to her feet. She shakes Tommy by the hair a bit as
Talia gets up, then kneelifts her in the back while Talia throws a
karate kick into her stomach.}
[Escobar]: That's ridiculous! They're certainly resorting to no
more -- quite a bit LESS, in fact -- "collusion" tactics
compared to Checkmate ... and speaking of the devil, Tommy
Sparks is now suffering from that exact combination!
>>RING ONE<<
{Tori scoops Jessica up for a shoulderbreaker. Brenda rolls up Melissa
for a pin, but Melissa reverses the rollup (and adds a grip on
Brenda's tights); Angela kicks Melissa's hand free, and Brenda
re-reverses: 1 ... 2 ... Melissa rolls free. Dacia cuts between Gayle
and Kelly with stomps to both.}
[Escobar]: Storm with a pinning predicament on Wright -- Wright
reverses it -- and a handful of Storm's outfit, Mulroney
doesn't see it -- but Dante DOES, and intervenes-- a SECOND
reversal -- 1, 2, THRE--NO! Wright BARELY out!
[Marone]: And I'm dizzy!
[Escobar]: Blackthorne now interjecting herself between
Dorothy Gayle and Kelly Tucker the hard way!
[Swayze]: Actually, stomping's a pretty easy way to
interrupt somebody ... much better than a witty pickup
line, for example.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Madeline has a chair, making false starts for the ring, but Mara is
in her way, verbally objecting.}
[Escobar]: Oh, good -- it would seem that Mara Machismo is
going to try to inject some reason past Madeline's rage ...
[Swayze]: Yeah, and in all likelihood, SKWANG! chair right
upside the head! The Lady in Red holds back for no woman!
>>RING ONE<<
{Tori wraps Jessica in a hammerlock, then lifts her up by the arm to
slam her back to the mat; Angela Dante then dropkicks Tori.}
[Swayze]: No, no, man, this is ALL wrong -- now Firestorm is
helping Jessica keep Tori distracted! Where's the ref when you
need her!
[Escobar]: Probably doing something more important than
kowtowing to Team Stevens's every whim!
[Swayze]: A ref kowtowing ... say, that's pretty good! Robbie'll
have to hear about that idea!
{Brenda locks Melissa into a rolling leg sleephold. Dacia grabs Kelly
Tucker, whips her to the ropes, and backdrops her on the rebound to
send her out of the ring; Madeline finally makes her way *into* the
ring, and levels Dacia with a jumping clothesline.}
[Escobar]: It wasn't an--forget it ... Blackthorne sends Tucker
flying the VERY unfriendly skies -- BUT HERE'S MADELINE again,
and she nearly DECAPITATES Dacia!
>>RING TWO<<
{Tiger Z scoops up and slams Sparks, and Talia follows up with a leg
drop. Talia then rolls outside, as Z pulls Sparks back to her feet
and whips her to the ropes, cutting her down with a dropkick on the
rebound.}
[Escobar]: Tiger Z and Talia Yamahara teaming effectively and
painfully on Tommie Sparks, giving this impressive newcomer a
most unfriendly reception.
[Marone]: This is starting to get really ugly ... if we can't
get some more women outta that first ring, it's just gonna be
a sausage factory in ring number two ...
>>RING ONE<<
{Angela whips Tori into the corner, as Jessica Perkins climbs an
adjacent corner. Angela drags Tori out of the corner, whipping her
into the ropes, but Tori recovers quickly enough to surprise Angela
with a float kick. Melissa Wright twists free of the sleephold, and
Storm catches her with a palm thrust. Jessica jumps off the top to
dropkick Tori.}
[Swayze]: Oh, man, look at that ... it's just too brutal!
Enemies everywhere, when it's not this side, it's that, she just
can't keep track of it all! Poor Tori, trapped in a world she
never made!
[Marone]: Uh, that's Howard the Duck.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Madeline drags Dacia back out under the ropes, before throwing her
into the railing. She grabs Dacia by the arm and pulls her in for a
shortarm elbowsmash, then quickly picks her up and powerbombs her onto
the concrete. Meanwhile, Kelly Tucker manages her way back inside.}
[Escobar]: Madeline Freechild seems to have been COMPLETELY
reignited ... she is totally unbound on Dacia Blackthorne --
I'm not so sure she has ANY intent of winning this match ... I
can't even say she considers herself IN this match at this
point!
[Swayze]: Hey, as far as I'm concerned, anyone putting more
bruises on the Loch Ness Monster there IS the match! Well,
actually, anything with Tori in it IS the match, but stepping
on Dacia's face comes a *reeeaaal* close second.
>>RING TWO<<
{Tiger Z snaps Sparks into a belly-to-belly suplex. She lets Tommy
return to her feet, then whips her into the ropes; Tommy hits her on
the rebound with a jumping side kick. Talia slides back into the ring
as Tommy returns to the ropes, and blocks Sparks's attack with a back
spin fist.}
[Marone]: So if Tori steps on Dacia's face, everyone else can
go home?
[Swayze]: Works for me!
[Escobar]: {sigh} Fans, we have to take another break -- stay
with us!
======================================================================
COMMERCIALS: This far into the card, you're getting snacks, aren't
you?
======================================================================
>>RING ONE<<
{Brenda Storm whips Melissa Wright at Mara Machismo, who blocks
her motion with a karate kick, then delivers an atomic drop;
Storm heads to check on Dante's condition. Jessica Perkins lifts
Tori into a double-underhook DDT. Kelly Tucker catches a resting
Dorothy Gayle with a drop toehold.}
[Escobar]: Storm and Machismo with an impromptu double-team
delivering impressive results!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Madeline pulls up Dacia and delivers a second powerbomb.}
[Escobar]: ANOTHER powerbomb to the floor! Blackthorne seems
nearly OUT of it right now!
[Swayze]: NEARLY? Just when do you stick the fork in her,
Justino, when that cemetary man from the promos shows up with
a shovel???
>>RING ONE<<
{As Tucker wraps Gayle into an Indian deathlock, Jessica, Brenda,
*and* Angela all climb turnbuckles. Jessica is the first one off,
scoring a moonsault double stomp on Tori. Mara uses a superkick to
down Melissa Wright, and Brenda Storm follows it up with a
springboard splash: 1 ... 2 ... Wright barely kicks free.}
[Escobar]: It looks like we're in for an air show tonight, as
THREE women head for the turnbuckles now ... Perkins with a
moonsault double-stomp on the savage Swede, while Mara's
Powerkick sets up the Billion-Dollar Babe for a splash from
Brenda Storm! Cover, and we've got -- NO! Say what you will
about her, but Melissa Wright's showing UNBELIEVABLE resolve
here!
[Swayze]: Well, since you asked -- WOWZA! Man, I'd like to--
[Escobar]: It was a figure of speech, Chad!
[Swayze]: No, it's a figure of a goddess, Justino! Rrrrowr!
[Escobar]: Would you PLEASE control yourself?!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{As Angela is waiting to see the outcome of the fall, Madeline
Freechild whips Dacia Blackthorne into the nearby ring apron; Angela
loses her footing, and tumbles outside.}
[Swayze]: {*totally* insincere} Ooooh ... *bad* break for Angela
... {normal} at least, I HOPE something broke ...
[Escobar]: CHAD!
>>RING TWO<<
{Talia Yamahara dazes Sparks with a pair of roundhouse kicks, just in
time for Tiger Z to bounce off the ropes and leap into a hurricarana,
picking up Tommy's legs for a pin: 1 ... Tommy gets a shoulder up.
Tiger Z shows her admiration with a clawhold to the face, as Talia
again rolls outside the ring.}
[Escobar]: Yamahara and Z's team-up bearing bitter fruit for
Tommie Sparks, and we get a cover -- but the newcomer kicks out!
[Swayze]: {baby voice} Oh, I'm sorry, Checkmate, but I'm a
rookie and I just GOTTA practice getting my head beat in.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Mara slides under the ropes, and checks on Angela. Freechild grabs
Dacia and lifts her into a Canadian backbreaker.}
[Escobar]: Fans, it looks like Madeline is finally ready to put
Dacia out of this match ...
[Swayze]: Ever the optimist, huh, Justino? *I* think she just
wants to see if she squeezes hard enough, will Dacia pop in two
pieces?
[Escobar]: That's-- I'm not even going to describe it.
>>RING ONE<<
{Dorothy Gayle reaches the ropes, and Kelly obeys Brandie Mulroney's
call for a clean break. Storm attempts a headlock on Melissa, who
interrupts her with a hairpull, then rolls her into a small package:
1 ... 2 ... Storm kicks out. Jessica Perkins locks Tori into a stretch
plum.}
[Swayze]: Yeah, I feel the same way -- some things are just
better left for the tape to tell.
[Escobar]: I don-- Brenda Storm has Melissa down to the mat!
One -- two -- thre-- no, Melissa got free! That HAS to put a
scare into the Billion Dollar Babe!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Mara helps Angela back inside. Dacia flips forward and twists around
to force her feet back on the ground, then grabs Freechild around the
head and swings into a neckbreaker. Shaking off the daze best she
can, she drops a knee into Freechild for good measure.}
[Escobar]: Dacia Blackthorne is pushing Madeline for an escape
... I think she's got it-- got it and more!!!
>>RING ONE<<
{Tori appears to tap out in submission. Kelly Tucker slaps a crucifix
legbar on Dorothy. Wright puts Brenda in a sleeper, which is broken
when both Mara and Angela attack with a tandem karate kick. As
Jessica starts to head for ring #2, Tori gets back to her feet and
hits her from behind with a clothesline.}
[Escobar]: And FINALLY, another woman joins Tommy Sparks to
hold off the two-time threat of Checkmat-- wait a moment! That
was completely uncalled for!!!
[Swayze]: Hey, this match is still on, Justino!
[Escobar]: But she SUBMITTED?
[Swayze]: Did she, Justino? Did she *really*? *I* don't recall
hearing the words "Djag kvitska", do you?
>>RING TWO<<
{Tiger Z grabs Sparks from behind, and rolls her up with a bridged
kidney-scissor flip. Talia holds down Tommy's feet from ringside: 1
... 2 ... Brandie Mulroney sees Talia, and breaks the count.}
[Swayze]: Hey, what the hell?!? This isn't a tag match, sweets,
that's legal! Count the pin!
[Escobar]: (*cough*) I think Ms. Mulroney is completely within
her rights as an official to consider that fall as invalid--
[Swayze]: Who died and made you commish, Escobo? COUNT THE
PIN ALREADY!
[Marone]: C'mon, man, give her a break -- if she counted THAT
pin, which one does she send to the next ring?
[Swayze]: Advance 'em both! They deserve it!
{A piqued Tiger Z grabs Tommy by the hair and drags her up, driving
a kneelift to the midsection, as Talia slides back inside the ring,
equally miffed. She throws Tommy at Talia, who scoops her up for a
Death Valley driver; Tiger Z bounces off the opposite ropes and
dashes in for a followup vertical splash.}
[Marone]: You know, I'm getting the notion that those two aren't
real fond of Tommy.
[Escobar]: Uh, yes, that would seem to be the case.
>>RING ONE<<
{Tori throws Jessica out of the ring. Mara grabs Melissa Wright and
tosses her to the ropes; Wright counters her on the rebound with a
sunset flip, but before any count can be made, the two FireStorm
members break it up with a double axe kick.}
[Swayze]: Here they go AGAIN! Thwarting the natural forces of
evolution, artificially impeding the progress -- namely, one
MAJOR BABE -- in the face of a dinosaur like Mara!
[Escobar]: "Dinosaur"? By what justification--
[Swayze]: You know, I named my car "Machismo" -- that way I
know it stays washed up.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Blackthorne picks up Freechild, and suplexes her into the crowd. Tori
slides out of the ring, and grabs a chair, rushing Jessica to rain
down overhand blows. Blackthorne falls back to lean against the ring
apron for a breather.}
[Marone]: Chad, I hafta know -- do you keep a separate
appointment book just to track the people you DON'T want to meet
in a day?
[Escobar]: Dacia determined to keep the advantage -- and
CASTIGO! Madeline suffers a painful setback!
[Swayze]: Hey, Manmad, when Roadhouse has a problem with
someone, they steer clear of ME.
>>RING ONE<<
{Angela and Brenda team up to whip Melissa into the ropes, and deliver
a double back body drop. Dante pulls her back up, throws her back to
the ropes, and Brenda hits her with a springboard enziguri kick, then
makes a cover: 1 ... 2 ... 3! Dacia climbs onto the apron, and Mara
grabs her, snap-suplexing her into the ring.}
[Escobar]: A THUNDERSTORM kick ... a cover ... and Brenda Storm
is heading to ring #2!
[Swayze]: And Angela Dante is eliminated!
[Escobar]: Tha-- no! What are you talking about?
[Swayze]: Come ON, Justin, how long do you think she'll last
without China O'Brien there to protect her? On her own? Ffft --
pin on a stick, bay-bee!
>>RING TWO<<
{Tiger Z throws Sparks into a tiger suplex, which Talia follows with a
legdrop. Talia pulls Sparks back up as she stands, throwing her to the
ropes, as Tiger Z heads for the turnbuckle; Sparks connects with a
dropkick, and is back on her feet in time to pull Tiger Z out of the
air with a second dropkick.}
[Escobar]: I think you are *vastly* underselling the talents of
Ms. Dante ... and speaking of talent, take a look at Tommie
Sparks! Surviving several two-on-one assaults by the Checkmate
combination, she can still provide an *electrifying* attack
like that!
[Swayze]: What, are you getting kickbacks from these lamers or
something? Because if you are ... the Roadhouse wants IN, all
quick-like ...
>>RING ONE<<
{Dacia gets back to her feet, and ducks a superkick attempt. She hits
Angela with a a short-arm clothesline, then tries to do the same to
Mara, only to get tied into a headlock; a few moments later, Madeline
Freechild reaches under the ropes and drags Dacia back outside by her
feet.}
[Escobar]: No doubt you would, Chad, but I'm afraid most of our
superstars don't sink to that level ... Dacia takes ANOTHER
unwanted trip outside, thanks to Madeline Freechild!
[Marone]: Are you sure we're live, Justin? Now *I'm* starting to
feel like I've been rewound.
>>RING TWO<<
{Sparks picks up Talia and snaps off a stiff DDT, then makes a cover.}
[Escobar]: Tommie Sparks pulls Talia aside -- for a Bolt From
The Blue!!! The Live Wire may just have beaten the odds-- NO!
Tiger Z shoves her off the cover after two ...
{Talia and Tiger roll out of the ring.}
[Marone]: And the chesspieces sweep themselves off the board.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Multiple officials swarm out to drag Tori (and her chair) away from
Jessica Perkins. Madeline Freechild throws Dacia into a full nelson
suplex. Storm slides out after Z, who ducks around the ring corner.
Perkins pulls herself up, shakes herself out, and heads after Talia
Yamahara. Freechild lifts Dacia into an Argentinian backbreaker rack.}
[Chad]: Man, oh, man, where HAVE I seen THIS before? It's like a
flashback! Only, like, then I was seeing RED!
[Marone]: What, Madeline put *you* in the Child's Play once?
Man, you've fought EVERYONE in this league, haven't you?
>>RING TWO<<
{Talia and Tiger both return to the ring. Tiger catches Brenda with a
stomp to the back as she follows Z inside; conversely, Tommy Sparks
catches Talia with a dropkick as she stands up. Tiger Z grabs Brenda
and irish whips her into Tommy Sparks; Kelly Tucker enters the ring
and attempts a toehold on Talia, who counters it by flipping Kelly
over her head.}
[Escobar]: Checkmate reenters the ring -- and split the decision
as it were, Tiger Z faring better than her teammate ...
[Swayze]: She's just showing team spirit -- that's what
teammates DO, they take the big hit for others!
[Marone]: Like you do for Robbie?
[Swayze]: With the shots I've taken?
>>RING ONE<<
{Mara and Angela circle each other, closing in once to shake hands
before breaking away again. They close in again and lock up into a
collar-elbow grip; Dante twists it into a headlock, but Mara counters
with an atomic drop.}
[Escobar]: That's -- actually, that's almost sensible. Almost.
>>RING TWO<<
{As Talia stands, Jessica Perkins closes in; Talia dropkicks her.
Tiger Z drags her up by the hair, and quickly delivers a kidney
scissor flip, holding for the pin: 1 ... 2 ... Jessica gets a hand on
the ropes.}
[Escobar]: A Tiger Press, and Jessica Perkins is out of-- no!
She gets a hand on the ropes!
{Talia grabs Kelly in a bear hug. Tiger Z gets back up, and before
Jessica can stand completely, hooks her arms to swing her into a
tiger bomb.}
[Swayze]: WHA-BAM!!! Did you feel the earth move! 10 points
on the Richter Z scale!
[Escobar]: Brandie makes the count -- and amazingly enough,
Tiger Z will be the first person in ring THREE as well ...
[Marone]: And even MORE amazing, she actually got that
last move in by herself!
{Tommy Sparks lunges at Talia with a jumping side kick, but
Talia pulls Kelly Tucker into the way; Brenda hits Talia in the
back with a spinning knifehand chop.}
>>RING ONE<<
{Mara hits Angela as she's standing with a karate kick to knock her to
the mat, then locks her in body scissors.}
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Dacia gets a hand on the ringside ropes, and pulls herself out of the
backbreaker rack. Freechild spins her around, lifts her by the waist,
and powerbombs her onto the ringside steps. Tiger Z rolls out of the
ring, picking up the chair in the aisle already well-battered from use
on Perkins.}
[Escobar]: Dacia gets herself free of Freechild's-- CASTIGO!!!
A BRUTAL impact maneuver from Freechild -- Dacia might be
SERIOUSLY injured!
[Marone]: Uh-oh ... don't look now, but I think match
participant #17 just joined the Checkmate side ...
>>RING TWO<<
{Yamahara turns to hit Brenda with a backspin fist, as Sparks is
confronted by an annoyed Kelly; Kelly bodyslams her, and drops to the
mat to put on a wakigatme armbar. Talia twists Storm into a spinning
wristlock, as Tiger Z climbs into ring #3; Talia swings Brenda towards
Z, 'accidentally' hitting the chair in Z's hands.}
[Escobar]: Talia Yamahara is all over Brenda Storm right now
-- and this is just too much! When is Brandy going to put a
stop to this pair?!
[Swayze]: When she gets about a foot and fifty pounds on 'em,
Escobo ...
>>RING ONE<<
{Angela throws a forearm at Mara, then puts her in a headlock.}
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Freechild stomps on Dacia repeatedly, then drags her up by the arm
into a kick; she then lifts Blackthorne up into a suplex-powerslam.}
[Escobar]: This is *unreal*!!! Freechild just will not STOP!
She could be ending Dacia's CAREER tonight!
[Swayze]: And I think I speak for every man, woman, and child
in the building tonight when I say, THANK YOU!!!
[Escobar]: CHAD!!!
>>RING TWO<<
{Talia savate kicks Brenda Storm over the interior ropes into ring #3.
Tommy Sparks puts a wristlock on Tucker, then stands up, legsweeping
Kelly.}
>>RING THREE<<
{Tiger Z picks up Brenda Storm and belly-to-belly suplexes her onto
the chair. Grabbing her by the hair, Z shoves her against the ropes
and drives a kneelift into her to push her back into ring #2.}
[Escobar]: This bout is turning dangerous on more than one
level -- Freechild has just *lost* it outside, and inside the
pair of Checkmate are bending the rules -- and Brenda Storm --
to the limit of endurance!
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Freechild lifts Dacia back up onto her shoulders for an Argentinian
backbreaker rack.}
[Swayze]: Talk about your Kodak moments -- turn up the volume
REAL loud, kiddies, so you can hear Maddie snap Dacia into a
paraplegic state!
>>RING ONE<<
{Angela throws Mara into the ropes, stops her on the rebound with a
kneelift, then hiptosses her to the mat.}
[Escobar]: Have you at last, Chad, no decency? Dacia is trapped
in the Child's Play, and though Brandie isn't in any position
to check for submission, Madeline shows NO sign of caring!
>>RING TWO<<
{Brenda kicks away Talia once, and gets to her feet; Talia manages to
grab her and toss her to the ropes, scooping her up when she returns
for a Death Valley driver. She makes a cover, but Brenda throws her
off before Mulroney can make a count.}
[Swayze]: And just a first down away, you can watch the Dragon
DESTROYING Brenda Storm! Get me an Old Milwaukee, because
bay-bee, it doesn't GET any better than this!
[Escobar]: Talia makes a cover -- no count!
[Swayze]: What?!?
>>RING ONE<<
{As Mara stands back up, Angela Dante gets behind her and rolls her
into a backslide: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
[Escobar]: Backslide from Dante -- ANGELA DANTE PULLS IT OFF!
AND THAT IS IT FOR THE FIRST RING!
[Swayze]: Oh, dude ... oh, well, at least it's it for
*Blackthorne*, too -- I don't think she gets that wasted on a
*bender* ...
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Blackthorne, still in the backbreaker, is obviously in really bad
shape. Mulroney slides out of the ring and starts trying to get
Freechild to release the lock.}
[Escobar]: Mara Machismo on her feet now, and she shakes Dante's
hand, a real show of class from a truly classy competitor!
[Swayze]: I'd say she still NEEDS class ... specifically, a
class on how to stop helping everybody ELSE in the ring, and
get a win or two for YOURSELF!
[Escobar]: Dacia does seem to be in real trouble -- and as I
guessed, Madeline is NOT listening to referee Brandie Mulroney!
>>RING TWO<<
{Talia locks head scissors on Storm. Tommy Sparks throws a forearm
into Kelly Tucker, then gets up and rushes the ropes, hopping onto
the top rope to spring off backwards and nail Kelly with an elbow.}
[Swayze]: Why bother, when she can listen to common sense?
[Escobar]: I'd contest that description-- Tommy Sparks with
an impressive high risk attack against veteran Kelly Tucker!
{Talia breaks the hold on Storm, and stands back up, throwing Brenda
into the interior ropes as Storm is getting up; Tiger Z connects with
a big boot kick on Brenda, who staggers straight into a savate kick
from Talia.}
[Marone]: Ouch -- almost looks like Brenda's spending more
time under Checkmate feet out there than the MAT is.
>>RINGSIDE<<
{Mara Machismo joins Brandy Mulroney in trying to talk down
Freechild.}
[Swayze]: Yeah, Mike, I like to call that an object lesson in
destiny.
>>RING THREE<<
{Angela Dante, on the apron, rushes Tiger Z and knocks her down with
a clothesline; she then steps into ring #2.}
[Marone]: Oh, wow -- and THAT'd be an object lesson in?
[Swayze]: Dante backstabbing!
[Marone]: Nah, that doesn't sound so good. No poetry
>>RING TWO<<
{Talia grabs Storm by the arm, turns around into a spinning wristlock,
and then drops her with a jumping hook kick. She hooks a leg for the
cover; the count is a little slow to arrive, as Brandie Mulroney
returns from outside: 1 ... 2 ... Brenda flips her over, bridging her
legs for a pin predicament: 1 ... Talia throws her off. Tommy Sparks
grabs Kelly Tucker in a front facelock, but Kelly twists free, turns
aside, and hooks Tommy into a Russian legsweep. She hooks a leg for
the cover: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
[Marone]: Man, I think Mulroney's getting more of a workout
than any other woman in the ring!
[Escobar]: Indeed -- and when it's all said and done, Kelly
Tucker is on her way to the next ring! And it seems that Mara
Machismo is finally managing to talk some sense into Madeline
... she's letting Dacia down, and heading for the ring!
{Talia punches Brenda, then scoops her up and drops her into a
tombstone piledriver; she makes a cover, but it's broken by a stomp
from Dante. Brandy heads back out of the ring.}
[Escobar]: It looks like our hard-working ring official,
Brandy Mulroney, is now taking an opportunity to verify
Dacia's condition ...
[Swayze]: Condition *grounded*, bay-bee, and never flying
again! That chick is *toast*!
{Angela pulls Talia up and hiptosses her. Tiger Z reenters the ring,
and Kelly Tucker tries an arm drag takedown; Tiger blocks it, then
lifts Kelly for a press slam. Kelly staggers back up, and Tiger Z
throws her to the ropes, following her in with a clothesline that
knocks her out of the ring. Angela and Brenda double-team Yamahara
with a double irish whip to the corner; Freechild, entering the ring,
assaults Talia with a short-arm kick.}
[Escobar]: Tiger Z is getting the upper hand against Kelly --
but at the expense of her teammate, it would seem, as Firestorm
is free to go two-on-one!
[Marone]: Judging from the rest of the match, I'd say Talia's
familiar with the concept -- she's used it enough.
{Dante rushes into the corner, and Talia ducks aside, letting Angela
hit the turnbuckle; Brenda punishes Talia with a spinning chop, and
Freechild slams her to the mat. Tiger Z climbs up the corner. Talia
gets back to her feet, blocks an approach by Madeline with a backspin
fist, only to get a double karate kick from FireStorm.}
[Swayze]: More like THREE on one ... man, this is the HEIGHT of
unsportsmanlike behavior! Not only is this a dogpile on poor
Talia -- but it's an insult to the Tiger's ability that they're
all HIDING from her!
[Escobar]: HIDING? They're FIGHTING for the chance to FACE her!
[Swayze]: Don't play spin-doctor with me, Justino!
{Tiger Z jumps off the top turnbuckle, knocking down both members of
FireStorm with a moonsaulting cross-body block.}
[Escobar]: OLA! There's no way they could hide from THAT.
{pause} Not that I was any way agreeing with that
interpretation, fans ...
[Marone]: I wouldn't worry too much, Justin -- even a stopped
clock agrees with Chad twice a day. Or something.
{Tiger Z and Yamahara whip Freechild into ropes, then backdrop her
over the center ropes into Tucker.}
[Swayze]: Oh, yeah! These two can do it ALL, bay-bee! They can
talk, they can fight, and they can even make matches! Look out,
JHC!!
[Escobar]: Somehow, I don't think Chamberlin's job is in any
danger ...
{Talia attempts to kick Brenda Storm, but Brenda intercepts her with a
legwheel throw. Tiger Z climbs to the top again, jumping off with a
moonsault at Freechild, who rolls aside. Kelly Tucker closes in,
attempting to wrap Tiger Z into a toehold, but Z kicks her away.}
[Escobar]: Checkmate's advantage may have slipped away again, as
Tiger Z bets high and rolls low with a high risk maneuver ...
[Marone]: Not really surprising, Justin -- in Japan, after all,
most gambling is done with dominos instead of dice.
[Escobar]: That's a ... what?
[Swayze]: I think the National Weather Service is putting a
storm warning between those ears, Miko.
{Brenda twists Talia into a leg grapevine hold. Dante rushes to the
ropes, and rebounds off to drop a leg on Talia. Tiger Z gets back to
her feet, grabs Freechild by the hair, and throws her into Kelly
Tucker; before Tucker can recover, Z lunges in and bridges a
half-nelson/chickenwing suplex.}
[Escobar]: Tiger Suplex '85! And Tiger Z may be the first woman
into ring #4 right here -- no! Kelly Tucker free before Mulroney
can make a count.
[Marone]: You know, if Alliyah was *really* smart, she'd have
added a referee in this match just to count her team's pins.
{beat} Only, there aren't any ref pieces in a chess set, are
they? Guess that explains it.
[Swayze]: I'm glad YOU understand you. That makes one of us.
{Angela Dante climbs the corner, as Tiger Z gets back on her feet.
Tiger Z shoves Madeline over the top rope, then grabs a rising Kelly
Tucker; she whips Kelly into the ropes, catching her on the rebound
for a powerslam. Talia breaks free of the grapevine hold, only to get
pulled down by a hurricarana from Angela as she gets up.}
[Escobar]: Tiger Z clearing space to maneuver -- and WHAT a
maneuver it is! Her teammate isn't fairing so well -- Angela
makes a cover! Uno! Dos! TREY! And now the Checkmate Queen will
have to stand on her own for the first time in this match!
[Swayze]: Oh, like THAT'S fair ... anybody can pick up a game
if you SPOT them pieces ...
[Escobar]: This is *not* chess, Chad, and it's MORE than fair,
compared to the fiasco those two have made of this bout so far!
{Tiger Z drags up Kelly Tucker, then rolls her up with a kidney
scissor flip: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
[Swayze]: Hey, look at that, Escobo -- you're psychic! T.Z.
*IS* the first chick in the last ring!
[Escobar]: Words I'd rather have back, Chad, believe me ...
{Freechild rolls back into the ring, as Angela Dante climbs up the
center post.}
[Escobar]: Angela preparing another daredevil offensive no--
what's this?
{Tiger Z, halfway between rings, is accosting Brandy Mulroney,
pointing to Angela; Brandy reluctantly motions Angela back into the
ring.}
[Swayze]: She's just keeping Angela from JUMPING the gun! That's
HER ring now, bay-bee! You gotta WIN to get IN!
[Escobar]: That's prePOSTerous -- with the total lack of respect
Checkmate has shown to the ring boundaries in this match, to
complain NOW? I just--
[Swayze]: Hey, JUMPING the gun -- get it?
[Escobar]: --uh, yes, Chad ...
{Dante hops down, looking piqued, as Madeline locks a full nelson on
Brenda Storm.}
[Escobar]: We're down to just four -- Tiger Z and Angela Dante
each alone in their respective rings, awaiting the outcome of
this lockup ...
{She presses the hold several times, then snaps back into a bridging
full nelson suplex: 1 ... 2 ... Brenda gets a foot on the ropes.}
[Escobar]: Freechild makes the pin -- and she's got it! No,
just in time -- that fall was so close you couldn't measure it
with a stopwatch!
[Swayze]: Close and grenades and stuff, Justino ... hheeyy, do
you realize -- if Madeline DOESN'T get a pin here, what that'll
mean?
[Escobar]: Well, it would leave Brenda and Angela in ring
three ...
[Swayze]: Bing-go, bay-bee! Fire vs. Storm! Storm vs. Fire!
Brenda on Nutso Steve's hit list! What an idea!
{Freechild slaps a headlock on Brenda, drags her to her feet, and
scoops her up into a bodyslam. She backs off to take a slight breather
as Brenda gets back up, then whips Storm to the ropes; as Storm
returns, Freechild lassos her into a sleephold.}
[Escobar]: Madeline's not going to let that happen without a
fight, Chad ... and she's got her locked into a sleeper! This
could be it right here!
[Marone]: I'd hate to be Dante here -- she can either watch her
partner and best friend lose, or make sure she gets to beat her
up later. That's not a fun decision.
[Swayze]: Sure it is! I'd cut out the middle-man and beat her
up now!
{Brenda elbows out of the sleeper, takes a step forward, then hops
back to knock down Freechild with a dropkick. Getting up, she runs
for the ropes, scoring a spinning back kick on Madeline as Freechild
returns to her feet. Stepping out to the apron, she hops on the top
rope, and springs off to connect with an enziguri kick.}
[Swayze]: Man, oh, man, this is TOO SWEET ...
[Escobar]: THUNDERSTORM! Brenda's quick to hook a leg, and
here's the count -- THREE!!! Brenda Storm advances to the third
ring -- to face her BEST FRIEND, Angela Dante!
{Brenda steps into the next ring, and shakes hands with Angela; the
two lock up in a collar-elbow tieup.}
[Marone]: This is just too *wierd* man ... it's like in the
comic books, when the superheroes start fighting each other
because they don't know they're superheroes and you just know
they're going to stop and realize they're on the same side and
team up to take down the big supervillain before they can
win ...
{Angela armdrags Brenda, who's back on her feet quickly; they lock up
again, and this time Brenda armdrags Angela.}
[Marone]: ... THIS ISN'T RIGHT, FIRESTORM! DON'T LET TIGER Z
TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
[Swayze]: Well, OUR world, anyhow -- HE'S obvious living
somewhere else ...
{Both women stand, and Brenda stuns Angela with a karate chop, then
whips her to the ropes, catching her on the rebound with a spinning
knifehand chop. Before Angela recovers, Brenda rolls her into a small
package: 1 ... 2 ... Angela twists free, and kicks Brenda away from
her; she stands up, but Brenda sweeps out her legs.}
[Swayze]: Man, just look at that pansy rollup -- you can see
the fear in her eyes, Justino, fear of the hidden participant!
Brenda's seen the worst, she knows what'll happen to her if she
lays a finger on Psycho Stevie's baby-doll!
[Escobar]: That's LUDICROUS ... Steve the Insane is NOT going
to stoop low enough as to hit a woman, CERTAINLY not for
actions taken within the context AND spirit of fair
competition!
[Swayze]: Are you kidding me? Unless he finds "fair
competition" in that big book he's reading, he won't know
anything else to do! BANG, frontal lobotomy, where Brenda don'
wanna be!
{Angela kicks Brenda away from her again, and both women stand; Angela
hiptosses Storm. As they both return to their feet, Dante whips Brenda
into the ropes, and floors her with a clothesline; she pulls her back
up, throws her to the ropes again, and takes her down with a Lou Thesz
Press: 1 ... Brenda bridges her legs to flip over the pin: 1 ... 2 ...
Angela gets a shoulder up.}
[Escobar]: The tension in the crowds is so thick right now, you
could cut it with a knife ... two of their favorites, in a
matchup we never thought we'd see ... Angela gets the advantage,
and the cover-- no, Brenda makes the pin! And Angela is still up!
[Marone]: This is so confusing ... maybe I should just flip a
coin and pretend one of them's Tori?
{Angela puts a headlock on Brenda, pulling her to her feet. Storm
twists free, and legsweeps Dante, then delivers an axe kick. She
climbs to the top, and attempts a flying enziguri; Dante ducks the
kick. Angela hops on the top rope, springs off and hits Brenda with a
moonsault.}
[Swayze]: Oh, like THAT would work -- NEITHER of these two
could hold a candle to Tori!
[Marone]: Well, duh -- that'd be cheating.
[Escobar]: Dante scores the Inferno! This might be it! It--
wait a minute!
>>RING FOUR<<
{Tiger Z has Brandy Mulroney pulled aside, discussing something.}
[Escobar]: What could she POSSIBLY be up to now?
>>RING THREE<<
{Brandy finally sees the pin, and runs to make the count, but Storm is
out before "1". Dante cinches a headlock on her, and pulls her up, but
Brenda performs a backflip to twist out of the hold, then dropkicks
Dante. Brenda drops to the mat next to Angela, locking on a crucifix
armbar.}
[Escobar]: This is just *sick* -- Tiger Z obviously intent on
making Firestorm do HER dirty work for her tonight!
[Swayze]: Hey, it's like I said, Justino, she does it ALL! You
love to go on about how popular those two are -- the fans should
be eating this up, right? This is the match made in the ledger
books, bay-bee!
{Angela gets her arm free, and Brenda wraps her into a front facelock.
Standing up, she pushes Angela into the ropes, hitting her with a side
kick as she bounces off; Dante retaliates with a dropkick. Angela
stands up, and drops a leg, but Brenda rolls aside; Storm then snares
Angela into a rolling leg sleeper.}
[Swayze]: Oh, bleah -- enough with the gentle pillowfight stuff
-- break out the buttkicking, you two! This is a FIGHT, let's
see some ACTION!
[Marone]: You know, if you shout loud enough, they'll actually
HEAR you.
[Swayze]: Well, I mean-- {bristling, deeper voiced} yeah, so?
You think the Roadhouse is scared of two skirts?
[Marone]: I think the Roadhouse is happier not having to prove
that.
[Swayze]: Well, yeah, because, you know, that'd be so uncool, I
mean, having to be a woman-abuser and all just to make a point
... yeah ...
{Angela pushes out of the hold, and the two stand up. Brenda starts a
series of kicks and chops on Dante, then grabs her by the head and
rolls her into a small package: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
[Escobar]: Brenda with a rollup -- and the pin! Fans can breathe
again, the worst seems to be ove-- OLA!!!
{Tiger Z slingshots herself over the top interior rope to hit Brenda
with a leaping clothesline.}
[Escobar]: And AGAIN, Tiger Z shows her total disrespect for
those 'boundaries' she insisted on earlier ...
[Swayze]: Hey, out of all the chicks in this ring tonight, who
else has had that belt in their wardrobe BEFORE, huh? You better
BELIEVE there's a double standard tonight -- Tiger Z is just a
cut above the rest, and deserves to be treated like it!
[Marone]: Even Tori?
[Swayze]: You bet, even-- hey! Tori had, uh, OTHER issues to
deal with tonight, yeah, that's it ... she didn't really WANT
the belt, she just had a MESSAGE to deliver ... if and/or when
Robbie says "Women's Title, Now!", BOOM, new champion. It's
just not in the *pllaann*, see?
[Marone]: Eh, good enough for now. I'll bug you more about it
next week.
{Tiger Z grabs Brenda by the hair, and tosses her over the inner ropes
to ring #4. As she climbs in herself, Brenda gets back up and
dropkicks her. Storm follows that with an axe kick, then drops to one
knee to apply a trapezius pinch.}
[Escobar]: Speaking of messages, I think Brenda STORM has a few
words for the Japanese superstar -- probably concerning her
behavior throughout this match!
[Swayze]: Oh, right, try to shade everything as a big moral
lesson, Justino ... face it, your wonder girl in their has the
SAME greedy mind as every other woman in that ring ... she
LITERALLY walked over her BEST FRIEND to get to that shiny
golden prize at the end of this road ...
{Brenda breaks the hold, and chops Tiger in the neck; she starts to
pull Z back up, but Z grabs a handful of hair, pulling her around.
Brenda kicks her away, then whips her into the ropes; rebounding off
the opposite ropes, Brenda jumps into a Lou Thesz press, but Tiger Z
throws her off before the count can start. Brenda grabs Tiger Z in a
front facelock, pulling her to her feet; Tiger Z pushes her arms away,
then cinches her around the waist and snaps a belly-to-belly suplex.
Both women get back to their feet, and Tiger Z whips Brenda to the
ropes, lifting her up as she rebounds for a long-delay press slam.}
[Escobar]: Tiger Z is not going to let up on Brenda for a
moment -- and believe me, aficianados, a moment is all
Brenda would need!
[Swayze]: That's right! It only takes a couple of seconds
for Brenda to squeal, "Helpmehelpmehelpme-I-quit!!!", and
end it all! So Tiger Z's doing her best to see that you get
a full program's worth of action!
{Tiger Z pulls Brenda back to her feet, ducks behind her, and
rolls her into a kidney scissor flip: 1 ... 2 ... 3!}
[Rod Allen]
Your winner, in a total match time of ... and NEW WOMEN'S WORLD
CHAMPION of the AWI ... TIGER ... Z!!!
[Escobar]: I don't believe it -- for once, apparently, crime
DOES pay.
[Swayze]: Believe it, Escobo! Two-time gold for the Tiger!
[Marone]: Yeah, but she's not going to keep it long with all the
junk they pulled to get it.
[Swayze]: I'd say the only thing keeping her from a lo-hong
title reign, Miko my man, is the possibility that Tori wants to
play with something shiny and metal, and gets bored with chairs,
capiche?
[Escobar]: What /I/ capiche is that we're out of time ... but
call your local cable company and order the DANSE MACABRE now!
And see you next week on LINE OF FIRE!
======================================================================
This work copyright © 1999 by Allied Sports Enterprises. Allied
Wrestling International is a member of the Summit Wrestling Alliance;
permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI footage in
cooperation with Summit Wrestling events.
"CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting System,
used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual association
between the writers and CBS should be inferred. "Promotional"
trademarks likewise used without permission or affiliation for
purposes of parody.
======================================================================
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