DISCLAIMERS: Paramount owns the whole crew of Voyager. I'm just borrowing them.
SUMMARY: Tom Paris is having nightmares. He decides to tell someone, but he soon regrets it when the dreams start to haunt him when he's awake.
Special thanks to my beta-readers: Cheile, JanD, pjs, Ann Harding, and Ronda Sexton.:-) Very special thanks to PJinNH for helping over the wall of writer's block. :)


Tom Paris sat straight up in bed, breathing heavily. He forced himself to calm down; to relax. After awhile, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He closed his eyes only to see the horrific images again. His eyes flew open and he knew that he wouldn't be getting anymore sleep tonight.

Tom looked at the chronometer and sighed. It was 0315. He was sleeping less and less as the dreams continued. He got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. He stepped into the shower, and let the warm water wash away the tension and horror of the dream. He let the water flow over him as he thought about going to the Doctor. He knew the EMH would give him something to help him sleep, but the Doctor would also tell the captain about the nightmares. Tom was not sure if he wanted to worry the captain about his lack of sleep.

Shutting off the water, Tom stepped out the shower, and reached for a towel to dry himself as he contemplated what he should do next. Knowing sleep would not come again and his shift did not start for another five hours, he had to do something. Moving into the living room, he settled on the couch.

"Computer, begin personal log."

"Recording."

Tom took a deep breath and began, "I had the dream again. It's the fifth one in six days. I have less and less sleep as the dreams continue. I don't know what to do. I know I should tell someone, but I don't want them to worry. They're just dreams."

Tom got up and went to the replicator. He replicated a cup of coffee and took a sip. He then sat back down on the couch and continued, "The dreams are becoming more intense each time. I should go to the Doc, but he'll just tell the captain. I don't want her to worry, though I have a feeling she is. I haven't been responding to her orders as quickly as I used to. I'm afraid she'll demand to know what's wrong before too much longer. If I tell her, I'm fearful she might relieve me of duty until these dreams stop. I don't want that, but I don't know how much longer I can hold out before the nightmares become to much for me. Maybe I should tell someone, but who? End Log."

Tom sipped his coffee as he thought about what he said. It would help to tell someone about these dreams. He could always swear the person to secrecy. The only question what who.

Harry? No. He didn't need to burdon his friend with this. Harry had his own problems.
Tom knew he couldn't go to the captain for obvious reasons.
Kes? No. That was the same as going to the Doctor.
B'Elanna? Maybe. She was neutral. She was his friend, but she wasn't quite as close as Harry. Or was she? They had shared several adventures. She had confided in him sensitive things she hadn't told anyone before. Maybe he could confide in her, but could he trust her to keep this between them?

Tom looked at the chronometer, and saw that it was very late. He doubted she would like being awakened at such an hour. He sighed and decided to try to get some sleep. He could talk to her later in the day.
~~
Tom entered the Mess Hall thirty minutes before his shift started. He didn't get much sleep after the nightmare. More or less he tossed and turned as sleep eluded him.

The pilot picked up a tray of food and looked around the room. Tom spotted B'Elanna sitting alone in the far corner. It was a little private as it was away from the other tables. He headed toward her.

"Hello, B'Elanna," Tom said, setting his tray down across from her, "Mind if I join you?"

B'Elanna stared at him. Since when did he ask to sit with her? She nodded once then looked at her food. It was green, but it tasted like eggs.

Tom wathced her eat for a moment as he collected his thoughts. He finally took a breath and spoke, "B'Elanna, I...want to talk to you about something."

B'Elanna stared at him. She nodded and set her fork down. He then continued.

Tom closed his eyes and breathed again. This was hard for him, but it would help. He looked at her and began.

"I've been having nightmares recentlly. I haven't been sleeping much either. I believe it's starting to effect my duties."

"Why tell me?" B'Elanna interrupted, "Tell the Doctor or better yet, the captain."

Tom's eyes flashed for a moment. He then regained his emotions and continued, "That's the last thing I want to do."

"Tom, if it's effecting your duties then maybe you should tell the captain."

Tom shook his head as he tried to keep his frustration under control. Maybe telling someone was not such a good idea after all. He ran a hand through his hair then looked at B'Elanna.

"I don't think so, B'Elanna. Maybe I shouldn't have told you. I don't know what I was thinking."

Tom stood up to leave, but B'Elanna stopped him.

"Tom, if those dreams are bothering you..."

"Forget it, B'Elanna. I'll manage."

Tom then left the Mess Hall. B'Elanna watched him leave. She knew he wanted help in dealing with the dreams, but not what she had advised. He probably wanted to be comforted. He probably wanted to tell her his dreams and just have her listen.

*That's what he wanted,* she thought, *He wanted me to listen. Oh, Tom. I'm sorry.*
~~
Tom walked down the corridor to the turbolift. He berated himself for trying to talk to B'Elanna about his problem. He should have known better. Now, he knew that if he talked to anyone else, they would just tell him the same thing.

*I can handle it on my own,* Tom thought as he entered the lift, *They're just dreams after all.*

Tom entered the Bridge and headed for his station. He offered a quick nod to the captain, who was just coming out of her Ready Room. She nodded back to him as he took his seat at the Conn. He listened as the ensign informed him of a little glitch in the controls and how he fixed it. Tom nodded. He then checked the controls to make sure it was fixed, and checked for anymore glitches in the system. Seeing that everything was fine, he laid in the coordinates to the Alpha Quadrant.

Tom's shift was quite uneventful. Nothing to do kept his mind wandering as he thought again about his dream. He supressed a shiver as the images entered his mind. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hoping that no one saw how upset he was. The last thing he needed was to become terrified while awake and on duty. Janeway would then have a good reason to talk to him about his strange behaviour.

Captain Janeway watched as her Chief Pilot shivered slightly. She knew something was wrong with him of late. He was slow in responding to her commands, and it was beginning to worry her. She wanted him to talk to her, but she wanted him to be the one to approach her. If his recent behaviour continued, though she would have to talk to him. She hoped it wouldn't come to that.

The slight shiver, though, gave her cause to be concerned. It wasn't cold on the Bridge as far as she could tell. She had an urge to ask him about it, but she didn't want to embarress him. She knew he wouldn't speak at all if he was "put on the spot." Asking him in private wouldn't help either unless he was ordered. She didn't want to do that. It would only make matters worse. She sighed as she wished Tom would open up to someone.

Tom was grateful when the lunch break arrived. He updated his relief on the recently fixed glitches in the controls then he left for the turbolift.

Tom entered the Mess Hall, grabbed a tray of food, and headed for the table furthest from the door. He wanted to be alone as he reviewed what happened to him on the Bridge. He sat down and stared at his food as the images came back. He shook his head and blinked, but the images persisted. He closed his eyes and willed them to stop.

"Tom?" A voice chased the images away and he looked up, stunned.

"What?" He asked as his vision cleared and he saw B'Elanna Torres standing before him.

"May I sit down?"

He nodded and the engineer sat down across from him. He could see that she was worried about something.

"What is it?" Tom asked as he pushed his fork around.

"I want to apologize for this morning," B'Elanna said as she watched him play with his food.

"Why?" Tom looked at her to see that she was watching him.

B'Elanna looked at him and smiled slightly, "For the way I acted when you wanted to talk. I should have known that you just wanted for me to listen as you told me what was bothering you. I was trying to help, but it came out all wrong."

Tom shook his head. B'Elanna usually didn't apologize for something she did. He smiled a little telling her it was all right.

"Don't worry about it," Tom reasurred her, "I know you meant well. It's just that I already thought about going to the Doctor and the captain about it."

"Why haven't you?" B'Elanna had a feeling she knew the answer.

Tom sighed as he thought of the best way to put his thoughts into words. He then looked at her and spoke, "They'd just worry. The Doctor would ask me a lot of questions, mostly pertaining to how long I've had them. Then he'd tell the Captain and she'd worry. She might even relieve me of duty until they've stopped or I start sleeping better. I don't want any of that, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna reached across the table and touched his arm. They stared at each other for a long while. She then broke the spell and said, "I understand, Tom, but you still should go to the Doctor. If you've had them for awhile and they're effecting your duties..."

Tom tried to supress his anger at her, "B'Elanna, I know. I've told you my reasons."

"You still want help, Tom. I can see it in your eyes."

Tom stared at her, surprised. She knew he wanted help? He shook his head and sat back in his chair. He looked at her and saw that she was willing to help him, but he didn't know how she could.

"What do you suggest, B'Elanna? Other than going to the Doc."

B'Elanna smiled, glad that he was letting her help him, "I'll listen, Tom. I know that's what you want me to do. Just tell me your dreams, and we'll go from there."

Tom smiled as well. He wanted so much to tell someone about these horrific dreams. Now, maybe they would lessen. He knew they wouldn't stop. That would take something else. What? He didn't know.

Chapter Two

Tom felt better after he talked to B'Elanna about his dreams. She still offered the same advice, but it didn't bother him as much that time. He told her he'd think about, but the look in her eyes told him that she did not believe him.

*Oh, well,* Tom thought as he went back toward the Bridge, *At least she listened.*

Tom sat down at his station feeling much better. He hoped his nightmares would lessen now. He took a deep relieved breath and faced an uneventful shift.

After ten minutes of flying in a straight line, Tom's mind began to wander. The images of his dreams began to appear before his eyes. He thought he heard voices, the voices from his dream, but when he turned around, all he saw was Janeway and Commander Chakotay talking to each other. He quickly turned back around and told himself that he was imagining things.

Janeway noticed Tom look at them. She saw first his shocked expression then his face turned into one of embarressment. She was confused and concerned at this.

"Did you notice Tom spin around and look at us?" Janeway whispered to Chakotay.

The Commander nodded, "Something's wrong with him, Kathryn. It's been a week and he's not getting any better."

Janeway had to agree, "I know Tom's not sleeping well, either. He always looks tired. And he's slow to respond."

Chakotay nodded, "It's time to force him to rest."

"I won't force him, Chakotay. I've learned it doesn't work to force someone to do something."

"I understand. So when are you going to advise him to rest?"

Janeway smiled. She then turned her attention to Tom, "Mr. Paris, I believe I will let you have a day off."

Tom spun around, surprised, "Captain?"

"You've been working hard, Tom. I think you deserve a rest. Report back in twenty-four hours."

Tom was stunned, but he nodded. He informed the relief ensign of the status of the Conn then headed for the turbolift. Once inside, he relaized that Janeway did notice his actions. He clsoed his eyes, and leaned against the wall.

*She's obviously had enough of my behaviour. Not that I blame her. I suppose she'll ask for an explination tomorrow.*

Tom didn't go to his quarters to relax. Instead, he headed for the holodeck and Sandrine's. He didn't want to face his nightmares again. He decided that he would drown those dreams away in a drink.

He entered Sandrine's and headed for the bar. For tonight, he programed the place to be empty of holocharacters. He was also grateful that the place was devoid of crewmembers. He wanted to be alone in his misery as he tried to fight of his dreams. He ordered a glass of real Scotch and drank it down in one gulp. He then ordered another and was soon on his way to becoming good and drunk.

B'Elanna Torres left Engineering to Lt. Carey, and headed for the turbolift. It was a slow day and she wasn't concentrating on her job. She was thinking about what Tom had confided in her. His dreams were horrific to say the least. No wonder he couldn't sleep at night. She knew she couldn't if she had those kind of dreams. She was also worried about him. She knew he wouldn't tell anyone about these dreams for fear that he would be relieved from the Conn. He needed and wanted help, but he didn't want the help she had advised. She didn't know what else to tell him. Listening seemed to help somewhat. He appeared happier, but he had shook his head when she suggested again that he should see the Doctor.

*I don't know what else to do, Tom?* B'Elanna thought to herself as she exited the turbolift.

B'Elanna stopped short when an idea came to her.

"Computer, location of Lt. Paris."

"Lt. Paris is in Holodeck Two."

*Sandrine's.*

B'Elanna smiled and headed for the holodeck. She wanted to talk to him, and hopefully convinse him to see the Doctor.

~~
When B'Elanna entered Sandrine's, she was shocked to see Tom Paris leaning over the bar. On closer expection, she could hear and see that he was trying to hit on the hologram.

Sandrine was speaking to him in French. She was trying to avoid him, by moving to one side then the other. She smiled gently at him and spoke to him again. Obviously, she was trying to gently turn him down. She then looked in B'Elanna's direction, a desperate expression on the barkeeper's face.

*He must be drunk,* B'Elanna thought as she went to them, *I have never seen him try to hit on Sandrine."

B'Elanna sat down next to Tom and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at her with a glazed look in his eyes. He then looked her up and down and smiled at her.

"Hello, there," Tom said, giving her his full attention. Sandrine completely forgotten.

*Oh, boy,* B'Elanna thought as she realized what was going to happen, *I hope I can do this without hitting him.*

"Hello, Tom," B'Elanna answered, keeping her tone neutral so as not to encourage him.

"How about a dance, darlin'"

B'Elanna fought down the urge to deck him right there. She growled softly in her throat as she tried to warn him. Somewhere in his foggy brain he had to know that he was getting himself in deep hot water with her.

Tom stared at her. She had never looked more beautiful to him than at that moment. Her eyes were like burning coals and he wanted nothing more than to have her ignite the spark within himself. He moved closer to her and attempted to whisper something in her ear. She touched his face, glaring at him.

"I wouldn't try anything, Paris," B'Elanna growled, keeping him at bay. She could smell the alcohol on him. It was the real stuff. She grimaced and gently pushed him away.

"Come on, Lanna," Tom said, trying to keep his balance. He put his free hand on the bar to keep himself from falling over. He shook his head which only cause the room to spin. He groaned and suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

"You're drunk, Tom," B'Elanna mentioned as she steady him, "Let me take you back to your quarters."

Tom nodded slowly as the dizziness passed. He closed his eyes as the nausea remained. He was going to feel this in the morning.

B'Elanna smiled as she took the mug from his hand and placed it on the bar. She then wrapped one arm around his waist and drapped his arm over her shoulder. The two then made their way slowly out of the holodeck.

B'Elanna then realized that her quarters were a lot closer than his were. Thinking it over quickly she headed down the corridor to her quarters.

B'Elanna punched in her codes to open the door. The door slid open and the two stepped inside. She carried Tom to her bed and gently lied him down on it. She took off his uniform and boots and covered him up. She then took an extra blanket and pillow and went into the main room. She sighed as she tried to make the couch as comfortable as possible.

"Night, Tom," she whispered as she covered herself with the blanket. Maybe in the morning, she could talk to him about getting some help. Until then she drifted off to sleep.
~~
Tom Paris slowly woke to the dull ache in his head. He groaned as he remembered how he got there. Sometimes getting drunk just wasn't as fun as it used to be. He sighed and forced himself to sit up in bed. He opened his eyes and noticed that the room was different.

"What's going on?" He whispered as he looked around the room. His eyes widened when he realized that he was in someone else's quarters.

"Where am I?" He got out of bed then noticed his half-naked state. He then looked down at the floor and saw two uniforms. One red and black. The other gold and black. His foggy brain suddenly recalled what else happened last night.

*B'Elanna* He closed his eyes and moaned. She had taken him to her quarters instead of his. He ran a hand through his hair as he remembered being very drunk.

*Oh, no,* Tom thought as something else came to mind, *We must have slept together. That's the only reason she would leave her uniform lying around on the floor.*

Tom then noticed that she wasn't in the bed when he woke. A sudden sense of dread over came him.

*She must have awaken first, saw me lying next to her and panicked. She must have ran to Engineering. She'll probably be very angry with me. I better let her cool down before going to her. I doubt she'll like it if I'm still here.*

With this in mind, Tom quickly got dressed and went into the main room. He stopped short when he saw B'Elanna asleep on the couch. This confused him even more. What happened last night? He shook his head as he came to the conclusion that she probably woke later in the night and saw him lying next to her. She must have taken pity on him and let him sleep in her bed while she took the couch.

*Still she'll be angry at me for taking advantage of her,* Tom thought as he quietly made his way to the door. It slid open for him and he made his way toward the turbolift.

*Best to stay away from her for awhile. She'll be very angry when she remembers what we did last night. She'll probably come looking for me when she does.*

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