 by Melanie E. Haley, AKA Ealasaid Rowan |
I wish to swim among the waves
And feel the moon upon the lake
But in the water I must not swim
If I should wish to breathe again.
Beneath the waters she lies in wait
The Beanfionn will seal your fate.
by Melanie E. Haley, AKA Ealasaid Rowan |
I wish to swim among the waves
And feel the moon upon the lake
But in the water I must not swim
If I should wish to breathe again.
Beneath the waters she lies in wait
The Beanfionn will seal your fate.
The cold was the first to greet me. It came to me unexpectedly, stabbing my form with icy jubilance. I suspect that most beings would respond to such salutations with panic or fear. To me it was I suppose a bit surprising but it was also a comfort. This was my world; it was all I knew. And I welcomed its acknowledgement of my own silent existence.
With the comfort and encouragement my surroundings provided, I eventually discovered that it was not necessary for me to remain in my little cocoon. On the eve that I discovered this (or perhaps it was morning; I can't say for certain for it was always dark in those days), I had been musing calmly for some time about the few small plants that grew nearby when something glittered faintly and caught my eye. I know now that it was what one calls a fish, but at the time it was completely foreign to me. My realm was too cold and dark for most creatures to reside in but somehow this tiny, shimmering beast had found its way to me.
It enthralled me to see how this scale shone green and that one gave off a purple hue (and indeed, I was a bit perplexed to find that I knew the hues and feelings of a myriad of colors even though I had never seen true light). My delight was almost childlike and I was nearly heart-broken when he began to swim away. I think I must have cried out for he slowed a bit and turned to gaze at me.
Oh how glorious he was with his sleek little body undulating in the current, flecks of color bouncing off into the darkness as he flicked his fins.
And then he spoke.
Not in the "usual" way of speaking, but it was speech nonetheless. I felt his soft, metallic, little whispers floating towards me and shuddered with glee as they entered my mind. "Come along," he said. I had no sense of fear and so I simply did as he suggested and moved towards him, leaving behind my murky enclave for I knew not what.
I traveled with my rainbow-colored companion for what may have been days or eons (my concept of time is less than desirable), encountering and learning of various creatures one at a time. But such recollections would be considered tedious to most so I shan't linger on those times. We never really went very far, but I discovered that my lake was quite deep indeed and that gave us many places to travel. Along the northern borders we met a rather large tortoise. Her voice was nothing like the fish's wispy intonations. Her slow rolling alto tones brought me to experience my first true smile and it was she who offered to show me the world that she claimed existed above the ebony waves of my lake. Of course, I accepted readily being young and hungry for more knowledge and that very evening we began our ascent to the surface.
I had been near the top-water before so the gradual increase in light and the sudden dense population in certain areas was no real surprise to me, but when we neared that tenuous barrier between the watery domain and the unknown one beyond, I found myself trembling.
I looked to Grimel (for that was the tortoise's name) and she winked one huge, slow eye at me before poking her head up through the water.
The idea of going headfirst into a completely new world was somewhat disturbing to be and so instead I raised both hands just before my face so that they might part the midway curtains for me. My fingertips stroked the glassy lake-top and then my arms stretched up and outward as I propelled myself upward, perhaps more quickly than I had intended for I felt that I might never stop as my body flew up into the world of earth and air.
I imagine I must've looked like some sort of watery phoenix, soaring up from the water in that manner, my flowing white gowns shimmering in the golden light of dawn. That sun-kissed morning was the only one I ever saw; I decided to save it as the perfect memory and let my dealings with the outer world be confined to evenings and the shadows of nighttime.
The first day was fairly uneventful although I must admit it was a completely exhilarating experience for me. Grimel and I floated along in the currents of the lake and she told me the names of all the plants and creatures we saw on the shore and on the surface of the waters. I developed a particular fascination with ducks because they seemed equally at home on land, air, and water and I longed for such unconditional comforts. Things went on in much the same manner but we never came to the surface before the afternoon again.
It was perhaps a moon cycle or two later (Grimel taught me a little about the concept of months when I pestered her about the changing shape of the moon) when my existence was profoundly effected. All by such a little thing... but so beautiful.
I was consulting with a particular irritable lightning bug in the waters beneath my favorite willow tree when a child came to the shores of my lake. I knew of humans of course, in fact it seemed as if I had always known of them even before that little fish brought me forth from the deepest recesses of the lake, but to see one for the first time... it was magnificent. He was a little boy of the age I believe they call seven, with solemn little green eyes and a smile that showed his delight in everything around him. Oh, I liked him right away because everything was to him as exciting as it was to me. I watched him for ages as he climbed the nearby oaks and chased bugs along the shore and I never said a word, shy and silent hiding behind my willow tree.
Dusk was nearing and I had allowed my attention to wander when I heard a splashing sound and felt the presence of something different in my lake. I turned about and there, not nine feet from me, was the little boy. He was treading water so that he might float upright and his eyes, those beautifully inquisitive little emerald eyes, were staring at me with fascination and wonder. I was frozen in place and my voice firmly refused to be used but his voice was not as stubborn.
I nodded in silent acquiescence and was stunned when he swiftly swam over and draped his thin little arms around my neck. It was only when he smiled that I realized how truly beautiful he was - achingly, heart-wrenchingly beautiful. It was then that I also realized how lonely I had been. Oh, I was surrounded by interesting creatures who spoke to me pleasantly enough and the kind and matriarchal Grimel who taught me so much, but never had I truly felt as though I had someone to talk to freely. I yearned for a companion to care for and talk to as if we were of the same family. This little boy could be my family.
He stayed with me for quite some time talking and telling me of his friends and the things he had done on the land but it was growing darker and the water began to give him a chill. When he said he might have to go home I seized the opportunity. Would you like to see my home? Come see where I live? And he accepted because he wanted to please me and he was curious where a creature like me could dwell.
And so I wrapped my arms about him tightly so that he would not be lost in the darkened waters and we sunk down below the surface of my lake. I was unfamiliar with the ways of drowning so when his little body jerked and tried to pull away from me, I presumed it was simply apprehension at this world so new to him. I held him close and stroked his hair gently, continuing my journey down to the bottom of the lake. When we had reached my underwater caverns I looked down at him, loosening my grip and was horrified to see his little face frozen into an expression of pain and fear. Those beautiful emerald eyes were now dull and lifeless, staring out at me with cold accusation. I let go of the body and fled, my own little saltwater tears adding to the capacity of my lake, now tainted with the echoes of death.
He must have surfaced I'm certain but I never went back to check. Those caverns remained unsettled for eons - my personal memorial to the child I had destroyed. No plants would grow there and none of my lake creatures would visit the spot. It is an eternal place.
I wandered the waters for a long time without ever going to the surface, but eventually I could stand it no longer and I found myself floating in the surface currents staring at the shore. At that point in time I was still not certain why my emerald-eyed little angel at died (Grimel had passed on years before and I refused to converse with the other creatures. It caused me too much pain). Perhaps if I had known, I would not have made the mistake again, but I am beyond that now.
A little girl came to the shore one night while I was basking under the full moon and she said to me simply, "You like children, don't you?"
I was somewhat surprised by her comment and her lack of fear at my appearance for I know I was glowing quite thoroughly from the moonlight that evening (you'd be surprised how luminescent the flesh of an eternal water dweller can be).
"I love them," I replied. "I wish I had a child of my own."
I have never been able to fathom why I answered her so bluntly. Perhaps it was due to the earnest nature with which she spoke.
She drew closer to the waters and I could see the marks of many a beating upon her fair skin. Her hair was blue black and hung in little curls but it had been torn out in some spots by an unkind hand. Large blue eyes looked out at me with sadness and longing and I was immediately struck with the desire to take this child for my own.
With her I realized much sooner that the life had left her small form. I was merely halfway to the bottom of the lake when I realized that she was dead. Shrieking, I flung the child's body away and let the current drag her off into the darkness. For many years I brooded over my dead children, mourning their loss and lamenting my own loneliness. The image of my little girl, so obviously mistreated by her own kind, came into my mind often and over time I began to realize that any parent so cruel did not deserve children of such beauty. They would only mistreat them and cause them harm when I wished to keep them company and bring them peace.
The waters of my lake bring peace now.
For every child who comes to my shore and stands watching as I rise from the water, I have an invitation. Come to me and feel the comfort of the currents. The water welcomes them all, lapping against them softly as they enter my embrace. I bring the touch of death to the children, dragging their little forms down beneath the surface slowly. But with death I bring them a release from the cruelty of the outer world and I am granted another child, another member of my eternally silent family.
I misunderstood with my little emerald-eyed angel and my raven-haired girl; I thought that their deaths took them away from me. Now I know it made them mine forever. And the caverns are no longer empty as they were for so many seasons. The caverns in the deepest dwellings of my lake, where no light may penetrate and no creatures swim or grow, are now filled with the echoes of my children - the eternal children of the Beanfionn.