by Keri Wilson

Funny what becomin’ a mama will do. Ah look at Remy holdin' our newborn daughter, while ah nurse her an think bout mah two mamas. Mah real one and mah true one.

Mah real mama was trailer trash. Except we were too poor tah even live in one. I lived mah first 13 years in a hell hole of a shack. No runnin’ water or electricity. My mama was the one that made it the hellhole though. She cursed me, beat me, burned me with her ciggarettes, and never gave any indication that ah wasn’t anything but a hated burden.

Then there were her boyfriends. They gave me the creeps, 'specially after one o them shoved me against the wall and gave me what ah later found out was a french kiss. Ah was only 10. I jerked away from him ran to mah hiding spot and puked with disgust and shame. I took tah spending most nights away from home in the woods. That’s when they first started calling me Rogue. Had nothin’ tah to do with mah mutant power. Just that ah was a strange little girl who didn’t like girlish things. Kind o' a tomboy, but moreso.

Then there's mah true mama. Mystique. She found me in the woods after what happened tah Cody. Ah was thirteen, but still looked pretty much like ah did at ten. Probably due tah malnutrition. Ah sure did sprout up after she took me in and ah had real food all the time. The first couple of years ah never went on a mission with them. She was trainin’ me though, ah just didn’t know it. Ah just knew ah knew ah was getting love, security, and believe it or not, affection. From both Mystique and Destiny.

Sometimes, even after ah was goin' on missions Irene would remember I was still a child and would remind Mystique o' that fact. Rarely changed Mystique's mind though. But maybe it helped me challenge the things that I'd been taught by them. The leader or yoah mama ain't always right, and sometimes they're really wrong. No matter how much you care about them, if you feel it's wrong, say so.

They protected me in some ways though. Ah hardly ever saw Avalanche, Blob or Pyro. Blob always disgusted me, too much like my real mama’s boyfriends. Avalanche never paid much attention to me, nor ah to him. Ah plagued Pyro for a while. Teasin' and flirtin', It wasn’t anything but a pretty naïve teenage girl feeling frustrated at some ol' ragin' hormones. Mystique had already told him if he so much as thought about me as anything but as a child she would tear him apart slowly and painfully. Pyro assure her that he wasn’t interested in little girls. Ah soon got bored with teasing him. Besides mama had me too busy being her terrorist protégé by that time.

Some folks would think that her mix of affection and usin' me on those missions o' terrorism would had totally screwed me up. But actually it straightened me out, from that poor messed up little girl who thought she was a monster and worthless. It was enough to help make mah own choice when ah knew ah was goin' crazy with Carol's persona eatin' at my psyche. Ah went tah mama's worst enemy. Xavier. Mama thought he was all-powerful and had brainwashed me. Xavier used me too, ah'll admit, but ah made the choice tah stay. It was for the most part, better than where ah'd been. And for the first time in my life ah had a real goal tah aspire for. The Professor's dream. Despite the bad times ah don't regret stayin' one bit. Ah'm glad ah did. As glad as Remy is. When the point came where he could leave, he stayed too.

We stayed because however an impossible thing it seems at times, we do believe in the dream. And our dream tah be the best possible parents we can be for our child. Ah know ah'm not mah mother or Mystique or Destiny, ah can do better than any o' them. Mah child will be loved and cherished by both her parents hearts. Just because ah was abused and used as a child don't mean ah'm doomed tah be that way with mah kids. Ah won't be!

**************************************

I hold dis little miracle in my hands and know something is right in de world. I'll make it more right for ma fillette. Make it a world where she have a maman and papa who can love her an' not disappear before she even know dem like my real parents. Who were dey? Why didnt dey look for me? Were dey afraid of dere bebe wit' demon eyes?

De maman I know was Tante Mattie. My pere gave me to her after he stole me back from de Antiquary. She raise me, teach me to read and religion. I stayed wit' her until I was around four. Den Fagan's gang came for me. Tante Mattie wasn't happy about me being sent to train on de mean streets of New Orleans, but my pere had already arranged it. Even after I was on dose streets I still came back to her whenever I could.

I also continued to teach myself things from books. Tante Mattie took me to a library from de first she took care of me. I was reading at t' ree and knew the Dewey decimal system too. I'd often sneak away while I was wit' Fagan's gang and read in the library instead of picking pockets. I wanted to be Robin Hood or one of de Musketeers. Rescuing damsels in distress, and being a hero. I knew somet'ing was different `bout how Fagan treated me versus the other kids. He never struck me or even yelled at me if I didn't steal enough. It was because of his deal wit' Jean-Luc. De other kids resented me and I had to even fight dem sometimes. Dey all called me "l' diable blanc". But I shared de hardships, sleeping in condemed buildings, sometimes going hungry, getting bitten by rats while you slept, freezing in de winter, frying in de summer, finding one of de two girls in de gang dead in an alley after she'd been attacked by another older, tougher gang, learning to evade de adults who prey on children like de Antiquary did, many t'ings no child should have to learn to do or endure.

After I was adopted by my pere and Henri started training me, along with my cousins Etienne and Lapin I had some time for normal foolish childrens games. It wasn't always a fight for survival that de years from four to eight were. And I saw Tante Mattie almost every day again. I tried to forget de nightmare years on New Orlean's streets. Dat's when I created my first full flegded fake persona, de boy who is just out to have as much fun as he can, not a care in de world. Lot's of people believed dat was de real Remy Lebeau. But dat protected me. Saved my life lots of times. But it also made a wall between me and de people I was closest to. A wall I built even stronger as I discovered dat people who I t'ought were doing t'ings for me were using me for dere own ends as well.

I used to be mad at Tante Mattie and my pere for manupulating my life. I'd never do anyt'ing like dat to my child. But I can forgive dem... Wonder if Rogue can forgive Mystique. In some ways what Raven did to her was much worse...

Remy caught his wife's gaze. seeing hope, determination, and love in those eyes, for enfant and himself.

"Happy Mother's day, amour."