Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
What do you call a man with half a brain
Gifted.
What do you call a man who irons his own clothes?
A widower.
What do you call a man with a whole brain?
A woman
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."