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Chapter Thirteen

A Tale Of Two Halflings

 11 SEPTEMBER 3460

Upon waking, they all go through their usual morning routines and then carry on with the journey. They quickly spot a small path leading in a North Easterly direction that will take them on their route to Dvur Kralovye avoiding Pardubitze.

They have been traveling for a couple of hours when their attention is aroused as they see a small head pop up from behind a bush. Instantly a hand comes up and pushes the head back down again.

Everyone reacts quickly. Steel glints in the sunlight as all of the warriors pull out their weapons. The party can clearly hear two voices talking angrily behind the bush which is only around 20 paces from their position.

‘Get your stupid head down, you idiot.’

‘Get lost, they’re the only faces we’ve seen in the last coupla days.’

‘You total cretin, they could be Nyemetz, or bandits or God knows what. They’d probably kill us in an instance.’

‘I’d rather be killed than spend another day with you, YOU F***ING ASSHOLE!’

‘That can easily be arranged then, YOU TOTAL MORON.’

They can then hear grunts and groans as a scuffle has obviously broken out between the two.

Ignoring their better judgment, the party cannot avoid the urge to find out more about this strange situation.

Cautiously, everyone peers over the bush. In front of them, they see an incredibly bizarre sight. Two halflings are there, viciously beating the bejesus out of each other. One of them is quite tall for a halfling, standing around 4’ tall and having fair hair, he is middle aged. The other is only 3’ tall and has dark brown hair. He is in his early twenties. More bizarre still is the fact that that they are both completely naked, their bodies covered in dirt and bruises. The party notices that they are chained to each other by manacles at their legs which is, in turn, attached to a large iron ball.

The two stop fighting as soon as they are aware that they are watching them.

‘HELP, SAVE ME!’ cries the smaller one ‘THIS BASTARD’S TRYIN’ TO KILL ME!’

The taller one gets up and bows slowly towards the party.

‘Good day to you, fellow travelers’ he says politely, acting as if this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Xavier is the first to speak to the strange duo of halflings:

"Well what have we here, two half mens stuck in a trap. Ve can not have you fighting. Stop for Rodengast sake! , or my sides will split with laughter. Tell us who you are, and why ve should release you! Then ve may find some clothes for thee.".

‘F*** YOU, SAXON ASSHOLE!’ shouts the young, short halfling ‘I SHOULD STRIP YOU NAKED, CHUCK YOU INTO THE COUNTRY CHAINED TO AN ASSHOLE AN’ SEE ‘OW YOU LIKES IT!’

This outburst is met by a swift fist to the face by the older, taller halfling. Shorty falls to the floor nursing his now bleeding nose.

‘Take no notice of my…erm…acquaintance’ says Lanky ‘he is nothing but a cretinous oaf of no value to anyone. Please allow me to make your acquaintance. I am Felibarr. I only wish that I were more properly attired with which to greet you.’

At that point the shorter halfling grabs Felibarr’s leg and pulls him to the ground.

‘POMPOUS BASTARD’ screams Shorty ‘YOU’RE A DISGRACE TO YER KIND, YOU BAG O’ SHITE.’

‘I’VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!’ replies Felibarr. ‘AS SOON AS I’M OUT OF THESE CHAINS YOU’RE A DEAD HALFLING!’ smacking Shorty again in the mouth

‘HUH! AN OLD BASTARD LIKE YOU’S GOT NO CHANCE AGAINST ME!’ replies Shorty, putting an arm around Felibarr’s neck in an attempt to strangle him.

Colin has had enough of the pantomime by this time and drags the two of them apart.

‘Thank you Sir for your kind assistance’ says Felibarr ‘although I would have had no problem in dealing with this young ruffian.’

‘JUST LEAVE US THE F*** ALONE WOULD YA!’ screams Shorty. Then he thinks a bit more.

‘No, don’t do that actually. Let me go. Leave this tosser here to die. That’s what 'e deserves!’

This incessant squabbling and bickering continues unabated as the party discovers the two combatant’s stories. The elder one, Felibarr, tells them that he is an engraver of some great note from the village of Vysokey Meeto, just two days to the North East. The younger one is named Meragrin and tells you that he is a baker from the city of Brunn.

They were both captured by the Nyemetz and put on a slave train to – well Felibarr is sure that it’s going to Mnyesto and Meragrin that it’s going to Kutna Hora. In order to stop them from escaping, all of the slaves were stripped naked and chained together in pairs. However, the two of them managed to escape during the night while the goblin sentries were sleeping or drunk, depending upon who can be believed. Felibarr said that this happened three nights ago, Meragrin two, and they have been wandering around since then, trying to find someone to come to their rescue. The party is the first group of people that they have encountered. During the time that they have been together, they have developed a deep loathing for each other, which has resulted in a non-stop brawl between the two of them. They are both cold, tired and hungry – which is one of the few things that they agree on.

They both ask the party to let them free, although tell them to not bother about the other as they are anything from a simple ‘good-for-nothing’ through to being the Devil incarnate, begging of them to kill the other or else they will regret it. They would very much like the party to give them something to wear and something to eat as well, if they have something to spare. They both tell the members of the party that they would both like to accompany them, without finding out where the party is going, as they both tell them that there is nothing left of their old lives after they were discovered by the Nyemetz. As a result, returning to their homes is not an option.

The bickering between the two halflings continue as Corrow asks them for more information about their background. They explain that they are just simple citizens, a baker and an engraver respectively, without any skills that would appear terribly useful for freedom-fighters.

With regards to the distance that the slave caravan is now, it is very difficult to say, as one says that they escaped 36 hours ago, and the other 60 hours ago. In either case, however, the caravan will either have reached Pardubitze or have passed through it. As a result, the party is not going to be encountering the caravan on their journey, nor would it be very easy for them to reach it without going back in the direction that they came from.

Once again, the halflings disagree on how many slaves there were in the caravan. One says that there were 60, the other 100. The party makes out, between their squabblings, that escape when tethered to an iron ball was not terribly easy. As a result, the halflings were lucky for the two of them to escape, let alone trying to organize an escape committee.

Corrow listens to their explanations carefully and without comment, but the rest can see that he is rather unsure about the character of these two strange characters. Yaz too shares Corrow's concerns about letting the halflings tag along with the party.

Winnacer, however, makes an impassioned appeal to the others as to the fact that letting the two of them accompany the party is the noble thing to do. He asks Heimlin whether he might be able to give employ the two and give them shelter at his home.

Heimlin has been chuckling to himself throughout the encounter:

'I'm sure that there is some way that I can make use o' these two scallywags some 'ow. I'd employ 'em for their entertainment value alone! If Felibarr is as good an engraver as 'e claims to be, then I can make very good use of 'im indeed. As for Meragrin, good bread is always welcome, and everyone knows 'ow good 'is type are in the kitchen. I'm sure that I can find 'im good employ with one o' me neighbors.'

Winnacer is curious as to Heimlin's home, as Heimlin has not spoken much about it.

'Although I keeps referring to me 'ome as Dvur Kralovye' replies Heimlin, 'it ain't actually in the town itself. There's mainly 'umans in Dvur after most of the dwarves left when the Nyemetz invaded. Me 'ome is a few miles outside o' Dvur an' it's built underground. It's 'idden by secret entrances, which is 'ow those o' us not captured by the Nyemetz 'ave been able to live. There's prob'ly around 20 other such gnome residences within a mile radius o' my place, all 'idden.'

There follows a great deal of debate about whether to allow the halflings along, but eventually Winnacer wins the rest of the party over so that they begrudgingly accept the halfling's presence. After persuading them all, Winnacer gives the halflings a stern warning to get on with each other and the other members of the party, or else they will be told to go their own way. The two halflings nod sulkily in agreement. After getting their promises of co-operation, Winnacer takes the hammer and chisel and looks at their bindings. He sees that it will be possible to cut the chains without too much trouble, but that it is not going to be possible to remove their leg irons - which will need the help of a blacksmith. With a couple of blows of the hammer, the two halflings are freed of each other.

The two halflings look delighted at receiving their freedom and run around a little to take advantage of it. Meragrin then comes up to Felibarr and gives him an almighty kick in the nads, sending Felibarr to the ground with a very pained expression on his face.

Winnacer grabs Meragrin by his neck and is about to give him a lecture.

'Sorry, sorry, sorry' says Meragrin, apologetically, 'It's jus' that I've been meanin' to do that for two days!'

Winnacer thinks it better to ignore it and pulls out his winter blanket. Using 'Old Bohavia', he cuts the blanket in half and then cuts a hole in the center of both halves, making little ponchos for the pair of them. The two are grateful for having some form of clothing for the first time in a while.

Finally, Winnacer reaches into his backpack and produces some of his rations to give to the pair of them. The two of them devour the rations like a pair of starving animals.

'OK' says Winnacer 'It's time to carry on our journey.'

The two halflings are separated. Meragrin walks with Winnacer at the front of the party and Felibarr with Maire' at the rear.

As they walk on, disguised insults are being traded still between the two of them, disguised in the form of coughs.

'*wanker*'

'*cretin*'

'*tosspot*'

'*dolt*'

Darius thinks that this new game is great fun, and starts to repeat these new words that he is learning over and over again.

After half an hour of this, Winnacer has had enough and shouts at the two of them, threatening that they will be abandoned if they carry on like this. The two apologize and tell them that they're sorry. Then all is quiet … for ten minutes, and then the cycle starts all over again.

The party carries on walking throughout the afternoon. As the afternoon draws on, they see a range of low hills in the distance. Heimlin gets quite excited at the sight.

'Ah! The foothills of Sudeten. We're gettin' there folks. We've still got a way to go yet, but we're definitely gettin' there.'

They carry on walking until around 7.00pm, by which time they're all starting to get tired, both from the journey and from the mindless name-flinging of Meragrin, Felibarr and Darius. They spend half an hour looking for somewhere to spend the night, but can see no form of building anywhere.

'It looks like it's time to put the elven tents to the test, tonight.' Says Yaz.

It takes half an hour or so to erect the tents, but they do manage to get them up - and very snug they are inside too. After making their usual evening's preparations, they settle in for the night.

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