Severed Dreams.
By Nicole Mayer (destiny@wwdg.com)
"Severed Dreams" is in response to the Snow Challenge put forward
some time ago. Immediately inspired, I wrote a page, then left it
alone - until now. I hope you still enjoy it, and all comments are
welcome to destiny@wwdg.com.
This was written while listening to the Babylon 5 CD - "Messages
from Earth" - some of the grimmest, most beautiful, darkest and
most tragic music I have ever heard. You are forewarned.
DISCLAIMER: The characters and situations contained within are the
property of Paramount Pictures etc. No copyright infringement is
intended. This work's title is taken from the piece of the same
name in the aforementioned "Messages from Earth".
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SEVERED DREAMS
The blizzard came from no where, with no warning. One moment,
the crew of Voyager were scattered across a vast snow-covered plain
while surveying for edible plant life, and the next, billowing
clouds of white were surrounding everything.
Kathryn Janeway frowned. It was cold down here, but her
insulated Starfleet uniform had managed to keep the chill away so
far. She hadn't seen snow for many years and was mildly surprised
at the intensity of the cold, wondering what weather patterns on
this planet allowed a storm to appear so quickly.
It certainly put an end to their mission. From space, this
planet had seemed so full of potential, as it was reputed to be
rich in underground plant life. Plants that could exist for months
with little or no nourishment in extreme temperatures would be most
useful to Voyager's crew.
Unfortunately, severe magnetic fields wreaked havoc with most
of the ship's sensors and transporters were once again useless.
Even on the planet's surface itself, tricorders and communicators
were limited to a one hundred metre range.
Kathryn stood tall, hoping to attract everyone's attention by
waving her arms in the air. She pointed towards the shuttle and
took a determined step towards it, glad to see the rest of the crew
following her lead. She could only hope that everyone had
witnessed her message, for already, crew on the perimeter of their
survey's boundary were nothing more than indistinct blurs through
the flurries of snow.
Kathryn stole a look to the left, glad to see Chakotay
hurrying through the rapidly piling snow in a course that would
soon join her own. She smiled at him, pleased that they'd both
been able to be members of this away mission. Neither had been off
the ship in a while, and Kathryn deliberately did not see any
problem with both officers taking part in a seemingly harmless
mission.
Besides, it would have given the chance to spend more time
together, something that had been altogether lacking in their
recent lives. Kathryn knew she enjoyed Chakotay's company
immensely - he was her best friend and perhaps something more. It
was always so hard to maintain the delicate balance between
protocol and...love? Kathryn was definitely attracted to him
(there was something about him that set her senses on fire) but she
constantly suppressed the emotions. Only when they were alone,
together, and in a completely non-Starfleet situation, did she
allow herself to indulge in those sorts of...feelings.
So when Chakotay came closer and took her hand to help her
over the larger snow drifts (sometimes she regretted being short
but this was not one of those times) she didn't protest at all. In
fact, it was a pleasurable sensation, having her hand held by him.
And when the ground grew slippery and she had to lean against
him for support (just to regain her balance, of course) it was even
nicer. The storm grew but Kathryn and Chakotay barely noticed as
they hiked closer to the shuttle, for they were absorbed in the
gentle flirtation.
And that's what it was - flirting - in those few minutes
before the pressures of command overtook them both again. She
laughed, he laughed and the snow sparkled beneath the lights of the
shuttle.
They were both so full of *life* during that short time. Two
people, each holding dear a thousand hopes, but not knowing what
the future could bring. But their life - their dream - awaited
them. Kathryn laughed as Chakotay mischieviously dropped snow down
her neck, and couldn't help but know that he was part of her future
dream and always would be. She retaliated with a snowball of her
own, and secretly smiled because she *knew* he had the same dreams
regarding her.
The earthquake took them both by surprise. One moment Kathryn
was brushing flakes of snow from her face and the next, her face
was in the snow. The ground lurched and rolled beneath them,
sending powerful shockwaves through the snowy continent. Kathryn
lost hold of Chakotay as she was thrown down a hill that had not
existed only moments before. As the blanketing white snow
surrounded her, she desperately struggled to regain her bearings.
And the ground still moved. Kathryn heard a tremendous
cracking sound, one that spoke of the very planet beneath screaming
as she was torn apart. Kathryn's valley became a peak, or more
correctly, a mountain high above a yawning cavern that slowly but
surely pulled snow into its mouth with the growing avalanche. And
Kathryn was sliding with it.
As she became aware of her predicament, her first thoughts
were for her crew and the shuttle, which was still some distance
away and hopefully well clear of the rift that had opened. Kathryn
mentally checked the last known positions of the other members of
the away mission - all of them should have been close to, if not
within, the shuttle already. Everyone but herself - and Chakotay.
Where was he? She lifted her head, but could see nothing but
blinding white everywhere. She wasn't even aware at first that the
downward motion of the snow was carrying *her* with it, for there
was nothing to orient herself against. Kathryn grasped a handful
of snow, attempting to pull herself upwards but the snow merely
pulled away from the slope and crumbled into nothingness amongst
her fingers.
Striking out again, Kathryn sought to maintain any kind of
grip, but as her arms ploughed downwards through the powder, she
realised that *it* was moving as well and the stable ice sheet
below was far from her grasp. She was part of the river rushing
into the ground and who knew what beyond.
Kathryn fought the urge to panic. She had not become a
starship captain by giving in to emotions of fright and becoming
hysterical. No matter how grim the situation, she knew that she
had to fight with all of her being to find the solution to the
dilemma - in this case, a way to escape from the small avalanche.
The rumbling had stopped. Kathryn did not know how long it
would be until the aftershock hit, but knew that she had to act
*now*. Again her hands flailed through the snow drifts, searching
desperately for something to hold on to. The newly-formed canyon
loomed closer with every second, and now Kathryn could hear the
eerie hiss coming from within.
For as more and more ice poured into it, it was inevitable
that the snow would reach the hotter interior of the planet's crust
and begin to melt, producing a fiery steam even more deadly than
the drop to the bottom of the world.
A splintering noise startled Kathryn and she lifted her head.
Already, her lips were blue and had she not been so full of
adrenaline, her body would have been shivering in an attempt to
warm itself. The steam below seemed almost - inviting.
Kathryn shook her head, she had to focus! The noise above -
what had caused it, could it help her? The sight that greeted her
eyes made matters even worse. A large portion of ice had split
away from the ground and was now surfing over the softer snow at a
frightening speed, straight towards her. It created a bow wave of
snow in front of it, and it was this that first engulfed Kathryn's
body. She desperately grabbed one last breath before the wave of
white washed over her, and then everything was strangely silent.
She was buried alive. Every instinct in Kathryn's body
screamed at her to push herself upwards, out of this snow, so she
could breathe again. But she had avoid the greater danger of the
ice sheet that was soon to pass. She closed her eyes against the
white but now didn't know which was preferable - absolute darkness
or blinding white. And mustering all of her resolve, she pushed
herself further downwards.
There was no way to tell when the ice had passed overhead.
Huddled in a ball, in utter dark and silence, with no source of
air, she forced herself to think of other things. To think of
Voyager, to think of her crew and friends, to think of...
Chakotay.
She pictured his handsome face, the flashing dark eyes, the
smile, the warrior who would never let her down. For one anguished
moment, she imagined that he faced the same fate as her, or worse.
He could have already been pulled into the chasm - he could be gone
from her life just like that.
But no, she had to think of good things, of the happy times
spent with him. Like the days on New Earth, or moments on Voyager
when they believed they could conquer anything. She was beginning
to feel drowsy as the heat was sucked from her body by the
unrelenting snow. Oh, if only Chakotay were there now, to put his
arms around her and promise that everything would be alright! Then
she would lie here forever...safe...she was so tired...
Kathryn involuntarily took in a breath and was surprised to
feel the snow against her lips, clogging her nose. Something was
wrong. "Kathryn," she heard her name. "Fight it, Kathryn!"
It was an echo from the past, yet it seemed so right. She
wondered why that was. And where was he? "Don't die on me now!"
she heard the voice again. A startling image flashed into her mind
and she saw him, poised on the top of a hill, his eyes desperately
scanning the icy incline beneath him - and - he was looking for
her. She, Kathryn Janeway, who was buried beneath it....
Finding a new strength within herself, Kathryn fought the
sluggishness and pushed upwards with her arms. She clawed her way
through the snow, hoping it was the right direction, hearing the
deadly pounding in her heart that counted down until she had no
time left. She had to *breathe*.
Her fingers were all but numb as she pushed higher and higher,
her feet finding purchase beneath her on the relatively solid ice.
Now she knew she was thrusting herself in the right direction, the
remaining problem was that she did not know how much powder snow
had settled above.
"Kathryn..." The ghostly whisper urged her onwards once more
and she reached up, higher and higher, surely soon...and her
fingers broke through. Her face was purple as she managed to make
a tunnel with her arms, down so that finally, she could breathe.
And it was wonderful.
Kathryn
stood encased in snow. And it was *still* sliding downwards,
taking her with it. But now, at least, her momentum was much less
and she had a fighting chance. She wondered momentarily if she
could swim through the snowdrift. Well, she decided, there was no
harm in trying. Kathryn floundered through the snow, fighting her
way up the incline. And then she struck something.
Something...not quite hard...but not soft and pliable either.
Something that felt strangely familiar.... Kathryn gasped as she
realised that it was a human body. Digging desperately in the
snow, she uncovered an arm clothed in the bold red colours of
Starfleet. "No," she whispered under her breath. She herself had
only just made it and she was now near the end of her stamina,
having fought so hard against the elemental furies. How could
anyone still be under so much snow and hope to survive?
Kathryn frantically pulled away the snow, noting gratefully
that the force of the avalanche was subsiding and she was able to
keep herself more or less stable. She was desperately hoping that
it wasn't *him*, and even though she knew her emotions were
selfish, she couldn't help but wish that it was someone else. But
only Chakotay had been anywhere near her when the earthquake
struck.
How empty his face seemed when she finally uncovered it. His
eyes were shut in quiet repose, his mouth closed in a strong, firm
line. Ice clung to his eyebrows and hair and Kathryn gently
brushed it away, a traumatised expression on her beautiful face.
"Oh, Chakotay...." With superhuman strength, she managed to
pull him from his potential grave and lay him on the slope.
Pressing one ear close to his lips, and then laying her head on his
chest, she detected no signs of life. She tapped her communicator,
hard, but there was no answer. They were too far from the shuttle
and an eternity from their best hope, Voyager's sickbay.
It was up to her. Kathryn gently parted Chakotay's lips and
began to give him CPR. She remembered the time he had done this
for her, and now was desperately wishing that it wasn't necessary
to return the favour. She wanted - needed - him alive, she needed
him to wake up, she needed him to breathe, damn it!, for she didn't
know if she could face life without him.
The howling wind grew, and Kathryn stared at the sky in
disbelief. What was *with* this planet - blizzards, earthquakes,
and all without warning? It seemed to have a personal vendetta
against the crew of Voyager, and Kathryn suddenly wondered about
the possibility of sentience. The phenomena had yet to be proven
yet there were several planets reputed to demonstrate some sense of
life.
None of that meant a thing right now, though. Kathryn
continued to massage Chakotay's heart, willing him with all of her
being to wake up. There was little she could do to warm him, but
to get him breathing again was her prior concern. She exhaled into
his mouth again, barely noticing the sensation of his lips beneath
hers that was so pleasurable. Now the touch of his skin on hers
scared her, because there was no hint of life.
She closed her eyes, her mind whirling along with the snow
flurries that surrounded them. It could *not* end here, like this.
She wouldn't let it! "Please, Chakotay," she begged, letting her
fingers drift softly across his features as if her lifeforce could
somehow penetrate his skin and flow into him. "I need you."
"Kathryn." He said her name. She opened her eyes in shock,
to see him smiling at her in that quirky yet so adorable way. "I
was flying...."
"You were buried in the snow," she gently interrupted, a huge
smile blossoming over her features. She took one of his hands and
held it close to her heart. "Don't ever do that to me again. I
thought we'd lost you."
"We?" Even in his disorientated state, he was still coherent
enough to listen for the true meaning of her words.
"I thought *I'd* lost you," she amended, not bothering to hide
her feelings. She'd nearly died and so had he. A few more moments
for either of them would have meant that all chances and dreams for
love were lost forever. And as Chakotay gazed up at her, Kathryn
whispered again, with all of her emotions in her voice, "I need
you." There were tears in her eyes as she helped Chakotay to a
sitting position and he wrapped his arms around her.
Kathryn leaned into the embrace, feeling whole in his embrace.
They were both alive and together, could accomplish anything. Her
head pressed against Chakotay's chest, she could hear the rhythm of
his heart, the beat growing stronger with every passing second.
Yet still the snow came down and the temperature continued
dropping. As much as she hated to break the moment, Kathryn said,
"We have to get back to the shuttle."
Reluctantly, the pair pulled apart and looked at each other.
They were back where they had started - only now, they were most
probably the only crew of Voyager still out in the snow. Their
energy was depleted. And they had another problem - the chasm that
had formed between them and the shuttle was far too wide to ever be
traversed by two people alone.
Once they were sure the area was relatively stable, Kathryn
and Chakotay carefully traversed a shallower incline to bring them
as near as possible to the shuttle, and hopefully within
communications range. But again it was useless.
"I just hope everyone has the sense to stay in there until
this storm blows over." If it ever does, Kathryn added silently to
herself. If the sun had been visible, the sky would have indicated
late afternoon, and she dreaded to think of how the landscape would
appear under the cover of night. Already, the light was dim
beneath the black clouds, only the fact that everything was white
allowed the pair to see.
"We need to get to the shuttle," Chakotay said urgently.
"Kathryn, we can't stay out here for much longer in these
temperatures." His grogginess had passed, and while a medical exam
would be necessary at a later date, Chakotay felt he was in near-
peak condition again. Or perhaps it was only the adrenaline
running in his veins.
Kathryn surveyed her surroundings as best she could. Vapour
still rose from the chasm and neither had the desire to go too near
the edge. "We need to find a way around it," she announced. "How
far do you think it goes?"
Shaking his head, Chakotay replied, "I have no idea. But we
need to get moving fast. North or south - what do you think?"
Since visibility was poor in either direction, Kathryn
arbitrarily pointed northward and the two re-climbed the incline.
They hoped to follow the ridge until it no longer existed, meaning
that the cavern concluded and they could cross to the other side
and reach the haven of the shuttle.
The sun dropped lower in the sky. A terrible sense of
foreboding suddenly overcame Kathryn and she reached out to
Chakotay, not taking his hand this time but placing her arm around
him as best she could. He reciprocated and then they were
struggling against the wind and the snow together, breathing too
hard to talk but understanding the closeness of the other person,
not only in the physical sense but emotionally as well.
Kathryn found herself watching Chakotay's face as she
struggled through another snowdrift. He seemed so strong, so
focussed as he helped her ahead without seeming to realise it. Yet
when he met her gaze, she saw the devotion in his eyes. He was
committed to getting *her* to safety and nothing else mattered.
Kathryn smiled warmly at him, fighting her growing unease at the
worsening of the conditions. Now the world was so full of snow
they could not even be sure if they were still on the ridge.
They were being so careful to keep in a straight line but as
the sun finally dipped below the horizon, both Kathryn and Chakotay
had to accept the truth. They could no longer see where they were
going and weren't even able to gauge their direction. Chances of
finding the shuttle had dwindled to the near-impossible.
Chakotay stumbled, and this time it was Kathryn who provided
the stabilising force. She could hear him beginning to wheeze and
knew that her own lungs were similarly protesting. It was so, so
*cold* and icy fingers of the wind constantly taunted at them,
stealing away what precious body heat was generated by the action
of hiking through the snow. Kathryn and Chakotay were lost in a
world of whirling white and they were all alone.
Struggling to his feet, Chakotay grimaced. He had no words of
hope to offer just then. All they could do was battle on ahead,
hoping and praying that they were going in the right direction.
Kathryn stared at the sky, knowing that their best - perhaps only -
hope was for the blizzard to subside. Even a small decrease in the
ferocity of the wind would be a blessing; but no change was
forthcoming.
They hiked on and the wind blew and the night grew darker.
"I - I need to take a break," Kathryn finally admitted. Her
heart was pounding so quickly she felt as if it would burst from
her chest and the sheer exhaustion throughout her body made it hard
to even stand.
Chakotay, too, felt the strain of such a long and difficult
trek. "We'll stop just long enough to catch our breath," he
cautioned Kathryn. He placed his hands on her shoulders, she
reciprocating the movement, and they leaned against each other with
their faces so close they could feel the other's breath. Yet the
warmth of the other person's nearness did little to dissuade the
frigid air from stealing their precious body heat.
All too quickly for Kathryn, Chakotay stood straight. "Are
you ready?"
"No, not yet," she replied and the fatigue in her voice was
evident. "Give me a few more minutes."
"We have to go *now*," insisted Chakotay. "To keep moving is
the only way we can generate enough heat to keep us alive."
"But I'm so *tired*," she murmured, sinking to her knees.
Delirium was setting in yet Kathryn was not the least bit aware of
her predicament. "Please, Chakotay, just let me rest for a few
moments, I promise I'll get up soon...."
"No!" Chakotay burst out in an uncharacteristic display of
anger. "Don't you see what's happening, Kathryn? You're becoming
lethargic, you need to fight against the cold, just like you did
before."
She lazily squinted up at him. "How did you know that?"
"Damn it, Kathryn, you told me! You told me how you couldn't
give up even as you felt your life slipping away, buried in that
snowdrift. Well, it's happening again, and this time, *I'm* here
and I will not let you give in!"
"You were there last time too..." Kathryn said slowly.
"What?" Chakotay grew more concerned by the moment.
"I heard you calling to me...you said..." Her voice trailed
off as she tried to lay down in the snow but Chakotay hauled her to
her feet. He didn't know exactly what she'd envisioned earlier but
this time, he *was* there to encourage her.
"Kathryn, you are going to stand on your own two feet and you
are going to *walk*."
"Why?" She sounded like a petulant child.
"Because I love you." He had never said the words to her
before, even though they had been implicitly understood. But there
was something powerful about the short phrase that made Kathryn's
head snap up. "What?"
"I love you, Kathryn. And I'm asking you, please, do this for
me...."
She shivered, not only from the cold but from the intensity of
his words as well. He saw her trembling and reached out, to place
his arms around her in another intense embrace. Kathryn and
Chakotay clung together, fighting the cold while feeling the
growing heat between them. Chakotay gently kissed the top of her
head and she lifted her face to his. And when his lips finally met
her own, it was the sweetest yet most desperate kiss either had
ever experienced. For this time together, in the snow, could be
the last few hours of their lives.
As Kathryn's mind flooded with the sensations of being so
close to *him*, she felt as if she were living the dream. For the
moment, it didn't matter that they were trapped within deadly
circumstances, because Chakotay's arms were around her and the
whole universe was perfect.
An image flashed into her mind - of boldly leading Voyager
home with Chakotay at her side, but this time, he was more than her
first officer. He was her best friend. Her lover. Her husband.
The dream of a lifetime that would be so wonderful if it would come
true.
Chakotay, too, dreamed of a blissful future as he deepened the
kiss, one warm moment in the midst of so much bleak and cold. He
didn't ever want to let Kathryn go again, now that they had finally
taken *this* step in their enigmatic relationship. And more than
ever, he became determined to conquer this blizzard, to *live*.
For her.
"We have to go," he finally murmured against her mouth.
Reluctantly, Kathryn agreed. She had been warmed by the fire of
his touch and found a new strength to go on. And they did.
For what seemed hours, they pushed ahead through the piling
snow and constant, incessant wind. Particles of ice were whipped
into their faces as the landscape itself seemed to morph into a
great spectre of death. Every direction was the same and the storm
laughed cruelly at the persecuted pair. But Kathryn and Chakotay
took their strength from each other, holding tight as the night
grew deeper with every passing moment.
They slowed. Reality began to distort for both of them -
there was nothing but the comfort of the other's touch and the
torturous white that had enveloped everything. The snow had become
their entire world, and it became hard to envision Voyager, or even
the waiting shuttle.
Strides became paces, paces became steps, steps became
shuffles. And eventually, even the slow shuffling motion became
too much for their exhausted bodies. They paused, staring directly
into each other's eyes, and then wearily embraced. There was no
need for questions or protests over the stop. Both Kathryn and
Chakotay lacked the energy to go on even when the stakes were so
high and prospects so grim.
They sank down, into the snow. Soon, it would pile above
them, perhaps creating shelter from the wind, but this chance was
a slim one. Chakotay sat behind Kathryn, wrapping his arms around
her in an effort to protect her from the cold. She smiled
drowsily. "How long can we hold out in this?"
He placed one finger on her lips. "Don't think of that," he
whispered. "Just stay with me."
"I'm not going anywhere." She was so tired and it was so
*hard* to think straight anymore. "Chakotay - could you - tell me
a story?"
"A story?" He rested his chin on her head, briefly closing
his eyes and recalling the hundred legends told to him by his
father. Nothing seemed quite appropriate, given the circumstances.
The only thing that came to mind was the legend of the Angry
Warrior and even that tale did not have a conclusion. Yet.
"Do you remember the Angry Warrior?"
She laughed, gently. "I could never forget him." Tenderly
caressing his arms with her hands, she asked, "Did he keep his
peace?"
"Yes," replied Chakotay firmly. "And the Angry Warrior found
more than that. As he served the Woman Warrior he learnt to
challenge her again, to sometimes question her actions. Through
this, the two of them were able to grow closer. When the warrior
revealed that he loved the lady, she did not run from him as she
had in the past. In fact, it seemed...that she shared his dream."
He paused. Time seemed to stop. "Do you?"
"Yes." She answered simply and without hesitation.
"Chakotay...hold me."
And he vowed he would hold his Kathryn forever. No matter
what happened the rest of this night, or the morning that would
follow. He would hold her and protect her from the dark, the cold,
the snow of all seasons....
She pressed closer to his body, feeling his warmth stolen away
second by second as the sky reached the very depths of blackness.
They grew quiet, so tired, their perceptions inexonerably
diminished. At one point, he realised that he could no longer move
his body, but when he looked down at her in his arms, it did not
seem to matter. Her eyes were closed and at peace. He longed to
join her spirit soon.
The wind howled, the night was a fury, and it was deathly cold
as the evil gloom spread across the land. It was over.
Sometime during the night, the storm passed over and when dawn
arrived, glorious rays of sunlight streaked across the land. Every
particle of ice or snow the light touched twinkled gloriously with
all the joy of a new day, a sparkling symphony of beauty to atone
for the terror of the previous night.
But hidden deep within the radiant display was a tragic
secret.
One that would be uncovered by the explorers who now ravaged
the perfect sea of white with their boots marching across the
landscape, searching for their missing comrades.
They found them in each other's arms. Frozen for eternity,
but together. It was a frightening yet touching image - the
captain and her first officer. Or Kathryn and Chakotay, the ill-
fated lovers whose time together was never fully realised.
Prayers were offered to the spirits Chakotay knew, trusting
that he and Kathryn were at peace. Everywhere the searchers
looked, the world was brilliantly white in the colour of the
morning sun. It was a sign of joy, hope and peace for a new day
but it was marred by the pall of death.
Even a death in beauty, such as this one was. Two lives had
been cut so short by the ruthless elements of one insignificant
planet in a tiny system, part of a small sector of a trivial
galaxy. Yet for centuries onward, legends would be told of the
Angry Warrior and his lady, the death they lived together. And of
their severed dreams.
----
END.
All comments welcome to me at destiny@wwdg.com OR
s1064618@student.gu.edu.au
(
geocities.com/area51/vault) (
geocities.com/area51)