Somehow, I Fell For Him.
by Nic (stardestiny@bigfoot.com)
3 December 1998
Those of you who know me will have *no* trouble guessing what
inspired this story/factual account. *S* This one's for the
D&Ders, really.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations contained within are the
property of Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright
infringement is intended.
Somehow, I Fell For Him
-----------------------
I'm not quite sure how it happened. How can one ever explain love?
It's strange, one moment, your life is sailing along just fine, and
then - all of a sudden - you're in love and everything changes.
The sun is brighter, the trees greener, the whole world becomes
full of laughter and light. And no matter how cliched that sounds,
it's true, it is *so* true and when you're giddy and laughing
because of this feeling, you don't even care how silly and sappy
you appear to other people.
And that's why I'm giggling today. Somehow, I fell in love with
John. There, I've said it, and it sends a thrill throughout me to
even think those words. I haven't felt like this in so long,
forever it seems. I can't remember a time when I was happier, I
just want to laugh and sing all day long.
Of course I can't, because people would notice, and right now, this
is *my* secret, my own wonderful realisation. Just think - only
yesterday, I was treating him like the same old friend I had known
for many months. Even though we were officially a 'couple', being
maid of honour and best man for Julia and Alonzo's wedding, I was
very careful around him, wary of every touch, of every sweet
gesture which now makes me want to melt when I think of it, of
*him*.
This morning, I woke up and I realised. Just like that. I am in
love with John Danziger. I don't care how silly and school-girlish
I sound now, there is nothing that can take this wonderful feeling
away. I close my eyes and picture his face and it's magic.
Imagining his voice - any word is rapture, and to think of him
whispering something intimate to me is heaven, I could just die.
The strange thing is how sudden it all is. Have I loved him in my
heart for a long time? From the moment we set foot on the beach at
New Pacifica, perhaps? Or was it earlier than that, say the time
we travelled through the spider tunnels, or our search for water,
or maybe even the first time we laid eyes upon each other.
Nah, it couldn't be that. Could it? Strange that I should recall
such a fleeting, and insignificant at the time, meeting, but I do.
Did even then I sense something, did a part of me realise it could
be magic?
So many questions, so many things to think about, to wonder as life
goes on. But right now it's the magical time of the first knowing,
the first realisation, where possibilities spread out like eternity
before me.
How does he feel? That's the burning question on my mind. He's
been the perfect gentleman ever since I've known him. Sure, John's
challenged me on many occasions but never has he said something
deliberately unkind, or spoken a harsh word that I didn't need to
hear. He has treated me like a lady, not because of my social
class, but because of who I am. I think he's the only person who's
ever done that. I am awed by this realisation.
He respects me. And that means so much more than undying words of
love from the start would have. He doesn't see the title, doesn't
believe the gossip (or at least I hope he doesn't!) but has tried
to discover the real person behind the facade. I think he did. I
trust him more than anyone now, even Yale.
If I think back to yesterday...how did he act? All I truly recall
is my own reluctance to get close of him. Endless, endless photos
of us together, us as part of the whole bridal party, and always
John had his arm around me. It was expected, naturally, but it
made me exceedingly uncomfortable, as if it were a sham put
together only for the cameras and our future memories.
The whole day it was like that - him playing the part, and me, for
some reason, wanting to run from the whole thing. Yet during
dinner when we sat apart I missed him (the conversation down my end
of the table was boring so I quite often got up and socialised with
other friends I hadn't seen in a while - New Pacifica is growing
astronomically!). He, too, spent time catching up with his
friends. Yet all the while I was consciously aware of where he
was, or rather, wasn't. His empty chair was conspicuous and I
missed him.
Then came the wedding cake, and the dancing. The dancing. Oh, I
could melt right here as I remember that. John took me in his arms
and I was shaking, I was afraid to get close to him (because I
didn't yet know that I loved him) but I knew there was no way I
could get out of it. I mean, it was the second dance, the one for
the bridal party, and I owed it to Julia to do this right. She's
like a sister to me, and Alonzo, well, he's the cheeky brother I
never had (and never wanted to, either!)
I knew I'd danced with John before, at Bess and Morgan's wedding,
but at the time it had meant nothing. I was still caught up in my
own world of pretentious posing and though I tried to pretend that
class didn't matter, I was fully aware that I was Devon Adair and
John was only an immigrant worker. I endured that dance.
I also endured the dance last night but for much different reasons.
He took my hand, placed his other arm around my waist, and
whispered something in my ear. I can't remember the words, only
the intimate sound of his voice. And we swayed to the music,
something old, something beautiful, "Unchained Melody", I think.
Slow circles, yet we talked all the way through, an attempt on my
part to subdue the intimacy of the moment.
When the song was over and we broke apart, I was immensely relieved
and quickly sought other, 'safer' partners. Yet all the time I was
also looking for John and hoping that he would dance with me again.
He danced with Tara. And I was so jealous. I know they're friends
and are quite close, and I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Yet at that stage, I stared daggers at her because as uncomfortable
as I was, John was still *my* escort for the day and there was
nothing she could do about it.
I wrangled my way into another dance with John, and then just as
quickly escaped from it because I couldn't handle it. I wonder
what he thinks of my actions. He probably thinks I'm a lunatic.
Sometimes chasing, then running, never knowing what I want. I was
partially out of my mind - what with the experience of the whole
day and the atmosphere and laughter and crazy music that makes you
do crazy things. I remember Julia and I dancing together and
singing boisterously, something I would never normally do. A
strange, strange night with emotions running everywhere.
All to soon, the bride and groom left. Julia was radiant and
seeing her beaming face caused a deep sadness inside my heart. She
had found her one true love and as much as I pretend that I adore
being single, there is a part of me that's always longing.... I
watched John as he joined the revellers in waving goodbye and felt
so alone. I sadly wandered back indoors and heard the rain begin
to fall.
The guest vanished rapidly; only the wedding party remained to
clean up. We tried to pretend we were having a good time but I
think each of us was wishing we had the magic that Julia and Alonzo
share.
Finally, the lights were turned out and it was time to go home. I
was searching for Uly when John caught my arm.
He kissed me goodnight. Oh, it wasn't a real kiss, but it was soft
and sweet, a goodnight kiss between friends and partners for a day.
Did it hold the promise of something more? I don't know, I can't
remember, because at the time I felt so, so scared and threatened
that I was letting him get this close to me, even if it was only
playing a part.
Of course, now I regret playing down the moment so much. Because
I want to relive it over and over, I want to see every small nuance
in my mind so that I can discover what it meant. Does he love me?
I hope so very much.
And so now it's morning, of the first day that I *know*. Work will
keep us apart today, perhaps for the next few days, because as I
said, the town is growing exponentially and there is so much to be
done all the time. We could barely take time out for a wedding but
it was a well-needed break. I am comforted by thoughts that I
shall see him soon.
I reach out to the limp flower lying on the table beside my bed.
It's *his*, the one he wore in the buttonhole of his suit. He lost
it and impulsively, I picked it up on my way out, not quite knowing
why I'd want a near-dead carnation, but keeping it anyway. Now, I
inhale its sweet fragrance and find that the scent of John's
aftershave lingers on it. Could any smell be more incredible?
Oh, I have got it *bad*. And I'm giggling because of it.
It's my time to dream, to wonder, and to delight in the sensation
of being in love. I can't wait to see him again and I hope and
dream of the future, of all the amazing possibilities that might
lay ahead of us.
I am deliriously happy. I love John Danziger and life is good.
---
END.
Okay, that would have to be the sappiest story I've ever written.
It's true, love does strange, strange things to your mind. As
always, feedback is most welcome! (
geocities.com/area51/vault) (
geocities.com/area51)