Title: A Christmas Without Mulder
Author: Skye Blue (my parents have a weird sense of humour!)
Rating: PG-13
Category: (Almost) Character Death, MSR
Spoilers: None, zip, nada, nowt
Summary: On Christmas Eve, Mulder's thoughts are turning toward . Until
one deceased sister
makes an appearance to show Mulder how much his life really means to those
around him. Including
some surprises!
Disclaimer: Dana, Bill Jnr., Margaret and Melissa Scully do not belong to me.
Neither do Teena, Fox
and Samantha Mulder, Walter Skinner, Alex Krycek, CSM or Emily Sim. All the
aforementioned
characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the Fox Broadcasting
Corporation. No
infringement is intended. Although, I really wish they were mine. Especially
Mulder ;-)
I know this plotline bears startling resemblance to that James Stewart film that
I can't remember the name
of. If anyone has a problem with this fact, please e-mail me and I will try to
come to an agreement with you!
I'm not making any money from this - I'm doing it because writing fanfic is
addictive and I love it!!!
Feedback: Gimme, gimme, gimme! I can take constructive criticism (and proposals
of marriage!) but
flames will be used to write maths notes on and make spitwads from to pelt my
unsuspecting classmates with!
Heh heh.
E-mail: starbuck_008@yahoo.com
Exposure Means Addiction. You Have Been Warned!
Now, on with this gosh-darned show…!
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
11:21 PM
Apt. #42
Alexandria, VA
Fox Mulder stared deeply into the glass of beer as if he could uncover all the
secrets he
had been so desperately seeking within the brown frothy liquid. After a few more
moments of sullen beer
searching, Mulder decided that this particular glass wasn't going to cough up
the information he wanted. So
he chugged it. He was still hurting from the vicious argument he had had with
Scully a few hours ago. She
was due to spend Christmas with her family but Mulder had wanted her to come out
on an investigation with
him. Scully had, as politely as she could, refused the invitation. However,
fuelled by several previous cans
of beer, Mulder had accused Scully of not being dedicated to her work and
plotting against him for the past
six years.
Scully had been enraged at this, and looking back, Mulder wasn't in the least
surprised. She,
in turn, had accused Mulder of being obsessive over his work, having his
priorities screwed and of having no
respect for anyone around him. And of treating her like crap. She then slammed
the phone back into its cradle,
leaving Mulder ranting to the dialling tone.
Scully's last heated comment had been the one that hurt Mulder the most. He
respected and
cared for Scully immensely, even if she did not feel he did. In fact, she was
the person that Mulder had respected
most in his life, and the person who was most important to him. He was deeply
injured that Scully didn't recognise
how much he had given to her. Things that he had sworn he would never even show
to another human being; trust,
love, tears.
Mulder's eyes fell upon his Sig Sauer handgun, which was resting on his coffee
table. Should he?
There was nothing left for him in this life. Scully no longer respected or cared
for him, and that hurt more than dying
ever could. Maybe there would be more for him in his next life. He wished he had
never been born.
The gun seemed to be calling out to him, telling him that if he just picked it
up and pulled that trigger
just a little, that it would all be okay. That the hurt would be gone. And
Mulder was beginning to believe it. It was
just a little pull on the trigger after all. Then it would all be over. And
Scully wouldn't have to lie for him this time,
because he would really be gone. This time it would be him lying in the white
piece of cloth on the floor of his
apartment, no one else. Him.
Plus, it would be better for Scully as well. She wouldn't have to stick around
to cover his back any
more. She could be a doctor like she really wanted. After all, he was the only
person standing between her and her
childhood dream. She could finally get on with her life instead of worrying
about his sorry ass.
Mulder reached for the gun. It was cold and calmingly solid in his trembling
grasp. This was truly it. He
took the safety off and was about to position the gun in his mouth so that the
bullet would cause immediate death,
when a bright light engulfed his apartment. Mulder dropped the gun in fright. It
was all happening again.
"Samantha?" he croaked in fright as the light vanished and he glanced a tall,
feminine figure in the corner
of his living room.
"Fox," A soft yet firm female voice replied "It's been a while."
Mulder gaped as a very familiar woman stepped out of the shadows. Not Samantha
as he had both hoped
and feared, but another sister. Scully's sister. Melissa.
Melissa knelt and picked up Mulder's gun from next to his left foot where it
had fallen. She looked at it
disdainfully and placed it back on the coffee table with a sigh. "Guns aren't
the answer Mulder," she lectured softly,
"Believe me – I should know."
Mulder was struggling to form words, "But you're, uh, dead. You are Melissa
Scully and you died four
years ago." His voice was growing stronger and surer. He rattled off facts about
Melissa's death like he was reading
a case file, "In a case of mistaken identity you took a bullet meant for your
sister Dana. Alex Krycek shot you in
Scully's apartment when she went to meet you."
Melissa held up a ti to stop Mulder's ranting and sighed again, "You
think I don't know all that
already?" she asked in a weary voice. Mulder began to sputter incoherently.
"Fox, you were going to kill yourself
tonight, weren't you?" Mulder nodded dumbly. "I'm here to show you what might
have happened to the people
whose lives you have affected, if you hadn't been born."
Mulder regained his voice, "But you're dead!" he blurted, "You're dead, and
apparently so am I."
Melissa shook her head with a slight smile playing about her lips. "No Mulder,
you're not dead. You've just
never been born."
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
5:07 PM
Mulder Residence
Chilmark, MA
"This is my mother's house," Mulder murmured to himself as Melissa told him to
open his eyes. She nodded.
"Fox?" Melissa asked, her gravelly voice turning wary, "I'd brace yourself.
This isn't going to be pretty."
she reached for Mulder's arm, "Are you okay with that?" Mulder nodded. "Then
let's go."
Melissa led Mulder up the gravel path to the front door of his mother's white
one-story villa. He swallowed
dryly as Melissa opened the white porch door. She turned around to face Mulder
again and placed her hand on
the small of Mulder's back, gently pushing him forward.
What Mulder saw stopped him in his tracks.
Teena Mulder sat slouched on the faded red couch, her head hanging listlessly
to one side. Her face was
ashen and pale and her chest rose in ragged breaths. Her tired grey hair hung in
straggly strands around her shoulders.
Her nightgown was black in some parts with dirt and had large sweat stains under
the arms, on the chest and down
her back. She wasn't the elegant but hardened mother Mulder knew he had.
"After your sister disappeared, she blamed herself. Her relationship with your
father broke up immediately as
neither of them could deal with the guilt. Your mother didn't have you for
support. She didn't have you to blame either
Fox. Only herself. She couldn't cope with Samantha's disappearance and what it
entailed." Melissa removed her hand
from Mulder's back. "There was no hope for your sister Fox. You weren't there to
believe she would come back and
to search for her. She was forcefully forgotten. You weren't here to prevent
that from happening. You didn't try to fight
the future for her. Or to fight the past. As a result of that, your mother had a
breakdown. She has been in this state for
two years because you weren't here Fox."
Mulder reached out to touch his mother. His hand went through her. Melissa cast
him a sympathetic glance.
Of course. He hadn't been born so he didn't exist. Damn.
"My father?" he asked with a sense of dread.
"He died as he did when you were alive. But he died alone and a drunken coward.
You managed to partially
save him from that. You were there with him when he died. You gave him the
chance to try and redeem himself by
giving you the truth. He had none of that this time."
Mulder's brow furrowed, "I meant that much to them?" he asked in disbelief.
"More than you will ever know," Melissa replied softly. "Are you ready to go?"
Mulder cast one last glance at his mother and nodded. "I want to leave here now
Missy," he said softly. Melissa
offered Mulder her hand.
"Let's go," she said resolutely.
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
7:42 PM
Bethesda Naval Base
Bethesda, MD
"This one will come as a surprise to you," Melissa warned Mulder as they
approached an unfamiliar
house at a small naval residence in Bethesda, Maryland. Mulder had no idea who
lived there, although he had a
niggling feeling he knew who it might be.
Upon entering the house, Mulder was struck by the low-lying tension in the
building. "Whose house is this?"
he asked Melissa apprehensively.
Melissa did not reply, but opened the door in front of her so Mulder could view
the scene that lay behind
it. Melissa had been right. This was a very big surprise.
Bill Scully Jnr was yelling at his wife Tara. He was red with rage and a vein
stood out on his forehead.
Tara shrank back against the cabinet behind her. Bill raised a hand to hit her
but just managed to contain his anger.
He yelled for a while longer, advancing on Tara with malice in his eyes. Tara
was trapped up against the cabinet,
shaking with fear. She managed to squeeze past Bill and ran from the room
crying. Fuming, Bill returned to the couch.
Bewildered, Mulder asked Melissa, "What has this got to do with me?"
"Don't you see, Fox?" Melissa replied, "Bill vented all of his rage and hatred
at you. If you're not around, then
he can start acting violent randomly. You were his cooling system, his air
conditioning. You were important even to him."
Mulder took a few moments to process this information, "He hasn't hurt Scully
has he? If he has, I'll…Scully!
When do I see her?!"
Melissa smiled vaguely, "All in good time Mulder, all in good time. Now, I
think you'll like our visitee. Come on."
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
8:37 PM
Dorm #1013, Georgetown University
Georgetown, Washington DC
"Who's behind door number 1013?" Mulder drawled in a false gameshow-host
accent.
"You're not going to guess Fox," Melissa said with a wide grin, "Never in a
million years. No way, no how!"
she opened the door to the dorm with a small flourish. Mulder started to laugh.
A young man sat at an old mahogany desk with a pile of textbooks and folders in
front of him. He wore
brown loafers, white ankle socks, khaki coloured slacks, a long-sleeved white
shirt with a green vest over it and way
too much gel in his hair.
Mulder ended his fit of laughter with a series of snorts, "You're kidding!" he
exclaimed with another snort. He
stared open-mouthed at the figure at the desk, fighting another wave of
hysterics.
"I kid you not," Melissa replied with a sly smile, "Your eyes do not deceive
you Mr. Mulder!"
"But-," Mulder sputtered, "It's – I mean, Krycek?!?!" Mulder succumbed to the
next fit of laughter willingly,
still not quite believing his eyes. "Go on, tell me how – I'm dying to know!"
"Well, without the X-Files, your good friend the Cigarette-Smoking-Man didn't
need Krycek to do any of his
dirty work or get rid of you and Scully. So Krycek remained at university to do
a higher-level psychology course. He
wants to be a shrink!" Melissa chuckled, "Scary, huh?"
Mulder nodded enthusiastically in agreement. "Creepier that any X-File I've
ever read!!!" He tried to imagine
Krycek as a practising psychologist. The image wouldn't come. Mulder had seen
Krycek commit too many despicable
and heinous crimes against humanity to see him as anything more than lowly scum.
"I know how much you hate him," Melissa said softly as Mulder's mouth set in a
grimace, "God knows I do too.
He did this to me. He killed me! But, Fox, you have to forgive him. He couldn't
help how he was. One day it will all catch
up to him. In this life or the next."
Mulder didn't say anything but merely looked at Melissa. If she of all people
could forgive Krycek, so could he.
After all, Krycek hadn't killed him. Yet. "And the CSM?"
"Died of lung cancer two months ago. That's what's on the autopsy report,
although it's highly debatable.
Whatever he died of doesn't matter now. What matters now is that he has no
power. No jurisdiction over anything.
He can't hurt anyone any more. He's gone. Forever."
Mulder's eyes narrowed. "What he did is not gone. It never will be. Evil
returns as evil. But sometimes it never
even dies." Steadying himself, Mulder took a deep breath, "Melissa?" he started
shakily. She nodded, still staring wistfully
at Krycek. "If I hadn't been born, would you still be alive?" Oh God – she'd
hate him, hate him…
Melissa shook her head sadly. "Car crash on the way back from Dana's on that
night." She turned to Mulder with
a tight smile, "Fate can't be stopped Mulder. It can be delayed, but not
prevented. I wanted to tell you and Dana that so
much." A tear shone in Melissa's eye. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't have to
beat yourselves up over it. It was Fate, pure
and simple. It couldn't be stopped. No matter how much anyone tried."
"Missy – are you an angel?" Mulder asked, deeply moved by how much Melissa had
been worrying about him
of all people.
Melissa started to laugh quietly. "I'm no angel Fox – don't put me on a
pedestal. I've been a bad girl in my time.
I ran away from my family for nearly four years. I shouldn't have done that…"
Melissa's voice trailed off for a moment,
"They were so important to me. They loved me so much, and I hurt them so much.
How could I Fox? How could I…?"
Melissa broke off and turned away from Mulder. He placed his hand on his
shoulder.
"I know how you feel Missy. You might not believe it, but I do. I've hurt so
many people. Your sister, especially.
But Scully knows that I care about her, and no dumb-ass statement or moment I
have will ever convince her otherwise."
Mulder thought back to the heated telephone call. "I hope." He added softly.
Melissa turned back to Mulder, her eyes strong and bright. "Dana loves you, and
you love her. Nothing will ever
change that. You are so much to her Fox. You are her all. And she is your all.
Am I right?"
Mulder didn't say anything. He didn't have to. He knew, Scully knew, Melissa
knew. Hell – everyone knew. He
and Scully just didn't want to admit it. As ever.
"So when do I-?"
"Just one more Fox."
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
9:47 PM
J. Edgar Hoover Building
Washington DC
"Fox – we're here."
"But this is the - my – basement!"
"Not any more Fox."
"Oh yeah. I keep forgetting about that."
"It's easy to do. I know."
Mulder stuck his hands into the pockets of his joggers and rocked back and
forth on the balls of his feet.
"So who's next?" He peered down the familiar hallway. "I keep on thinking it's
gonna be me but that's not possible.
Is it?"
Melissa smiled and shook her head. "It is someone who helped you a lot in your
life. Someone you'd never
expect to see down here among the FBI's most unwanted." She tossed open the door
to reveal…
"Assistant Director Walter Skinner!" Mulder exclaimed in surprise.
"Wrong. Special Agent Walter Skinner." Melissa said with a chuckle as she saw
Mulder's eyebrows lift high
on his forehead. "Fox – don't you see? With no Mulder and Scully to keep in line
and out of trouble, there wasn't the
same amount of respect for him as there was before. Keeping you and Dana – well
you really - in line and stopping
you from getting kicked out of the bureau. He was nominated for Assistant
Director but lost out to another guy – I
forget the name. On trials he didn't show such a fierce dedication to his agents
as he did when you and Scully needed
him. You two were his top agents. He respected you immensely and would stop at
virtually nothing to help you in your
investigations, as you well know. No other agents captured his respect, and
imagination, as much as you both did."
"I had no idea…he always hid his feelings very well. I liked him though. He was
a true pro. The best in the
bureau." Mulder shook his head in disbelief. Walter Skinner a field agent?!
Unbelievable!
"Fox?" Melissa asked cautiously, "You're going to want to take a few moments to
yourself when we reached our
last destination."
"Scully?" Mulder asked fearfully. Melissa nodded. "Let's go." Mulder said with
a look of hard determination set
in his eye.
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
10:13 PM
Apt. # 4, 3170 W. 53 Rd.
Annapolis, MD
Melissa stepped forward to open the door to Scully's apartment for Mulder. He
shook his head. He had to be
strong for Scully, even if he wasn't really there. Taking a deep breath, Mulder
slowly opened the door.
Scully was curled up in a ball on her couch watching the television with glazed
eyes. Her wild copper hair had a
greasy shine to it and was tied back in a simple ponytail. It was longer than
Mulder remembered it. Her skin was paler
than usual, almost a sickly pale. She was also thinner than normal and her
clothes hung on her loosely. Her eyes were
sunken into the sockets and had deep purple shadows underneath them. She looked
like broken woman.
This chilled Mulder to the bone.
How could this gaunt, skeletal woman with the unkempt hair and dead eyes be his
wonderful, enigmatic, beautiful,
spunky partner? This was a different person altogether. Mulder reached for her,
to help her. His hand passed right through
her.
Then she began to cry.
So did Mulder.
"Missy…" he croaked. "I want to help her. I need to. Please!"
Melissa was silent, but a single tear trickling down her cheek answered his
question. There was no way to comfort
her when they were in this state. "Oh God…" he moaned. "Tell me Missy. Why?"
Sniffling slightly Melissa replied, "The Government still conducted tests on
Dana. Fate. She is still unable to bear
a child. Emily was still created, but Dana never got to say goodbye. You were
the cause of that reunion."
"But Emily found her. I didn't do anything."
"You were the reason Dana was assigned to the X-Files, which in turn was the
reason she found her daughter.
Having the chance to be with Emily during her last hours meant so much to Dana.
It meant that she felt as if she made
Emily's passage into death more comfortable. As a real mother would do. And she
needed you so much after that. You
were her pillar of strength, her lucky star. She's lost without you Fox."
Melissa explained.
Mulder didn't say anything but just gazed sadly at Scully. Melissa placed her
hand gently on his arm. "You've
meant so much to my family Fox. My mom was so much happier about Dana being in
the bureau once she knew that
you would be looking out for her. Mom knew that you would stop at nothing to
protect Dana, and she loved you like
a son for it. Without you here, mom's nearly a wreck. There's no one to look out
for her baby girl anymore, and that
scares her. I don't think you realise how much you mean to us Scullys."
Mulder had moved to the sofa and was sitting next to Scully. He placed his
cheek against Scully's and smiled
softly, "I can feel her warmth," he murmured.
"Sometimes it was only you who could feel her warmth Fox." Melissa replied
gently. "No one would believe
her about the tests. And the cancer. Oh God. Fox, I have to tell you. This is a
lie. Oh Fox, I'm so sorry," Melissa began
to cry quietly.
"What Missy? What's wrong? Missy?"
"Oh Fox, oh Fox!" Melissa began to wail, "She's dead Fox! She's dead!"
Mulder stumbled back a few steps, as if he had been punched hard. "How? Missy?
Who did this?" Melissa
continued to sob loudly. "Missy!" Mulder was nearly screaming now, "Melissa!"
"The cancer," Melissa wailed between racking sobs, "You weren't there to give
her the cure. She died Fox.
Alone and in pain. She's gone Fox. Because you weren't there to save her!"
Mulder let out a soul-shattering howl as the mirage of Scully dissipated in
front of him. He lunged at her fading
figure, trying to grab hold of her, but he merely struck thin air and nearly
barrelled into the opposite wall.
"I never told her!" he cried to a God he didn't believe in, "You never let me
tell her you rat crap! I love her
and you never let me tell her that!" He raised his empty palms to the sky. "You
see what I have now? Nothing! I have
nothing without her. She was my everything!" Mulder's arms fell limply to his
sides as his shoulders slumped and he
wept bitterly. "I loved her." He croaked. He raised his eyes to see Melissa, but
she wasn't there.
Instead, Mulder saw a vision of the Cigarette Smoking Man with a gun to
Scully's head. She reached out for
Mulder. Mulder opened his mouth to beg the Cancer Man not to shoot Scully, but
it was too late. The shot rang out in
the night and Scully's body went limp, shattering like glass as it hit the
floor. The Cancer Man smiled gleefully at Mulder
as he began to disappear into the air. Mulder let out another agonised scream.
Mulder felt a weight around his neck and fearfully looked down. Scully's small
gold cross glistened around
Mulder's neck. Then the cross turned to sand and began to fall away, disturbed
by his heavy breathing. Melissa had
reappeared and was lunging for him. He couldn't take any more.
Mulder's legs collapsed underneath him, and he met the floor with a sickening
crack. The world turned black.
*********************************************************************
24th December 1999
11:22 PM
Apt. #42
Alexandria, VA
Mulder tumbled off his couch with a cry. He lay dazed on the floor for a few
moments as slivers of his dream
came back to him in quick flashes. His mother…Krycek…Skinner…Scully – Scully!
Mulder couldn't remember
exactly what had happened to her but he instinctively knew that it was nothing
good. He'd better call her.
As Mulder placed his hand on the speed dial button on his phone, it began to
ring. He yanked the receiver
off the hook with a start.
"Hello?" He asked cautiously. Who would be ringing him at this time of night?
"Mulder?" Scully's voice sounded tired and slightly tinny, but it was
undoubtedly hers. Mulder released a
breath he hadn't realised he was holding.
"Hey." He choked.
"Are you okay?" The concern in Scully's voice rang clear. Mulder smiled and
shook his head. He was okay
now he had heard her voice. He was always okay when Scully was around. Without
her though…it didn't bear thinking
of.
"Mulder? Are you still there?"
"Yeah Scully. I'm fine. I'm sorry about what I said before. I had no right –"
"No you didn't, but neither did I." Scully interrupted, "I'm sorry. I know how
much your work means to you."
"But do you know how much you mean to me Scully?" Mulder thought. It took him a
few moments to realise
that he had voiced the thought aloud. Oops.
Before he could say anything more Scully spoke again, but more warily and
nervously now. "Mulder, I was
wondering if you wanted to spent Christmas with my family and I. Mom says she'd
love to have you. She says that
she'll make that lemon and lime pie you love so much," Scully's voice grew more
caring and compassionate at this point.
"You shouldn't be alone at Christmas Mulder. You don't deserve that. So will you
come? I know Bill's dying to see you
again!"
Mulder chuckled. As if Scully's brother would ever be glad to see him. Well,
maybe at Mulder's funeral…
"I'd love to come Scully. Tell your mom to make that pie and extra large one.
I'm starving!" Mulder could almost hear
Scully shaking her head in exasperation.
"You're always hungry Mulder!" Scully laughed quietly. "I'll pick you up in
thirty minutes. I'm glad you're coming
Fo – Mulder. See you then."
"Wait!" He had to say it, he had to. "Scully?" He heard a soft grunt from
Scully, indicating that she was still there.
"I love you." There it was. Stripped bare and vulnerable.
Scully was silent for a moment. He heard her laugh again. "You'd better sober
up before we get to my mother's
Mulder! See ya." Mulder heard the soft click as Scully hung up the phone. He
hung up a few seconds afterwards.
He had gotten away with it again. Christmas was looking up. He couldn't think
of a better way to spend it than
with Scully and her (mostly) wonderful family. She had called him Fox! That was
always a good sign!Above all else though,
he was glad that Scully was okay and that she still cared about him. That was
the best Christmas present her could ever
ask for, and it was already his. He was about to go and start packing when the
phone rung again. He picked it up swiftly.
"Hello?"
"Me again." Scully answered. "Did I leave my necklace at yours Mulder? I can't
seem to find it anywhere."
Instinctively, Mulder glanced down at his chest. Scully's cross gleamed around
his neck. He let out a quick gasp.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah, I can see it. I'll give it to you when you get here." Mulder managed to
squeak.
"Thanks partner." Scully said before she hung up.
Mulder didn't hear her. He was staring in shock at the cross around his neck.
It had been a dream, right? It
couldn't possibly be real. Melissa Scully had died four years ago, and when you
died you usually didn't come back to
steer your sister's rogue partner away from biting the bullet, did you. Did you?
Mulder looked over at his pathetic excuse for a Christmas tree that was sitting
in the corner of the apartment.
The oversized silver star perched precariously on the top branch sparkled
brightly in the dim light
of the room, giving it a cosy feel. Mulder smiled.
"Thank you Missy." He murmured to the star, "Thank you so much."
*********************************************************************
*********************************************************************
Like it? Hate it? Want one where Scully finds out what life would be like
without her? E-mail me at starbuck_008@yahoo.com
I'll do my best to reply to everyone! May the Farce be with you! Hee hee hee!
All done (for now). Bye bye (for a while)!
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