TITLE: Hard Times (1/1)
AUTHOR: Susanne Barringer
EMAIL: sbarringer@usa.net
ARCHIVE: Anywhere okay with these headers attached.
CATEGORY: SH
SPOILERS: none
RATING: NC-17 for the general subject matter.
SUMMARY: Mulder shows up at Scully's door with a raging, um,
"problem."
DISCLAIMER: These characters are borrowed from Chris Carter, 1013,
Fox, all the XF people. No money is being made; no infringement
intended.
THANK YOU to Heather Scotland for laughing in the right places and
helping dig me out of the hole of a story with no ending.
Just for fun . . .
___________________
Hard Times
by Susanne Barringer
With an erection the size of a telephone pole, Mulder knocked on Scully's
door. When she finally answered, she was in her nightgown and robe, and
Mulder realized he had woken her.
"Mulder, what is it?" Scully looked rumpled from sleep, yet concerned.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Scully. Can I come in? I need help."
Scully stepped aside to let him in, then shut the door behind them. When
she entered the living room, Mulder was standing behind a chair. "Sit
down, Mulder. Tell me what's up."
"Uh, I need your medical advice," said Mulder, not moving from his
position.
"Sure Mulder, shoot."
"Um, well, I accidentally took Viagra." Scully had to bite her cheek to
keep from bursting out laughing. Instead, she just gave him one of her
looks.
"You 'accidentally' took Viagra? What the hell does that mean?"
"Please, Scully, this is hard enough as it is without you giving me that look.
The truth is Frohike got his hands on some and gave me a couple of pills in
case I ever needed them. Not that I would, of course."
"Of course," Scully said helpfully.
"Anyway, I didn't know what else to do with them, so I stuck them in an
empty Tylenol bottle for safe keeping, and then, well, I had a headache
tonight, so . . . " As he stepped out from behind the chair, Mulder
motioned in the general direction of the lower half of his body. That was
about all Scully could take. Despite her attempts to stop it, the laughter
finally came out in a hysterical burst that forced her to sit down in order to
keep from falling over.
Mulder glared. "Scully! Come on, work with me here. Is this bad? Could
this cause any harmful side effects or anything? I mean, since I took it and
didn't need it?"
Scully managed to pull herself together and put on her doctor's face. She
got off the sofa and moved to stand in front of Mulder to reassure him.
"You'll be fine, Mulder. You just might be a little, um, uncomfortable for a
few hours. One Viagra pill won't hurt you."
"Well, see, that's the thing. I took three. It was a big headache."
Scully looked down at the evidence. Mulder looked down. They both
stood, looking. Yes, it was certainly going to be a big headache--for
Mulder anyway.
"Still," Scully finally said after assessing the condition carefully, with her
physician's eye of course, "I don't think three will do any real harm. The
effects will probably go away in a few hours."
Mulder just rolled his eyes. "Great. So, what am I supposed to do about
this?" he asked, waving his hand once again toward his crotch. "It won't
go away."
"I don't know, Mulder. What do you usually do about it?"
"Yeah, I tried that, only to find that the problem . . . reemerged. Twice."
Scully just shook her head in disbelief. Only Mulder could get himself in a
mess like this. All dressed up and no place to go.
"Mulder, why are you and your erection standing in my living room
anyway?"
Mulder stared at her, a true look of incomprehension across his features.
"Scully, I'm suffering a major medical trauma here. Are you suggesting I
came here with some kind of ulterior motive?"
"It's hardly a major medical trauma, Mulder. You'll live. I'm just asking
why you came here at all. The two of you should be back in the privacy of
your home. You shouldn't be waving that thing around in public."
"This isn't public, Scully. You're the only one here."
"My point exactly." Mulder was confused. There was some kind of
accusation in her words; he wasn't quite sure what he was being accused
of.
"I was worried, Scully. I was afraid I'd done some type of irreparable harm
to myself. I mean, it's been hours and I'm still . . . " He motioned again
toward that rebellious part of his body.
"So? You could have just called me. You didn't have to come all the way
over here. You shouldn't drive in that condition anyway. It could be
distracting."
"I'm sorry. I needed help. You were the first person I thought of."
Actually, thinking about Scully was part of what had gotten Mulder into
this mess in the first place. He had tried thinking about baseball, aliens,
conspiracies, and even Krycek. It did no good; Scully kept floating back
before his eyes and that was all the stimulation he needed in his exceedingly
sensitive state. Now that she was standing there in front of him, in her
nightgown no less, he was thinking that Scully really did have a legitimate
question in why he had come there. The condition had definitely intensified
since he'd arrived. He must be trying to torture himself.
"Is there a compliment in there somewhere, Mulder? You have a hard-on,
so you think of me?"
"You're a doctor, Scully, for God's sake. Look, isn't there an antidote for
this, something you could give me to ease the, uh, situation?"
A lot of things she could give him ran through Scully's mind, but she took
the proper route. "Cold shower, Mulder. That's about it. You're just
going to have to wait it out."
"This is unbelievable." Mulder slumped on the sofa, the physical mark of
his accidental ingestion of pharmaceutical drugs waving like a flag in the
air. "I've got the boner of my life and there's not a damn thing I can do
about it."
"I'll get you a cold drink," suggested Scully practically. She went to the
kitchen and poured a big, tall glass of water. While pulling ice cube trays
out of the freezer she couldn't get the image of Mulder and his little friend
out of her mind. Mulder was in her apartment--ready, able, and it likely
wouldn't take much to get him willing. Her thoughts drifted of their own
accord to the bulge she had seen in his shorts. It looked like a nice, sturdy
erection, as least as far as she could tell--quite promising, in fact.
Suddenly Scully was faced with the biggest moral dilemma of her life. It
had been a long time since she'd had a sexy man with an erection sitting on
her sofa. Shouldn't she take advantage of it? On the other hand, this was
Mulder and there was a lot at stake. On the other other hand, she knew it
was only a matter of time until they finally did it; why not now? It seemed
as good a time as any. Hell, Mulder was halfway there already. All she
had to do was catch up, which shouldn't take long if he looked anything
like she imagined he looked naked. It's not like he would object or
anything. It would, in fact, help relieve his suffering. Yes, it would be nice
of her to do that for him, help him through this trying circumstance.
By the time Scully returned to the living room with the glass of ice water,
she had pretty much made up her mind that as a good friend and partner, it
was her obligation to help Mulder with his problem. It might even be her
duty as a physician. Okay, so it wasn't exactly in the Hippocratic Oath, but
what did Hippocrates know anyway? He had probably never had a
gorgeous man with a raging hard-on in his living room, otherwise he would
have made damn sure to put it in that Oath. Yes, it was her duty. She was
pretty sure.
"Mulder, take off your clothes. I have a remedy," she announced with
confidence. Mulder yelped and jumped off the sofa, eyeing the glass of ice
water with sheer terror. Scully laughed. "No, Mulder, not this," she said
raising the glass as if in a toast. "Me."
"You?"
"Absolutely. I can help. Honestly."
"Scully, I don't know." Mulder still watched the glass suspiciously.
"Maybe I should just wait it out."
"Mulder, I'll take care of it." Mulder looked at her and she could see as the
understanding of what she was proposing hit him full force.
"You will?" His voice cracked on the question.
"And I promise it won't hurt a bit," she smiled.
*********
Scully felt something hard pressing against her thigh. Something besides
the obvious. Something plastic. She removed one hand from Mulder's ass
and slid it into the pocket of his shorts. "Oh, Scully!" Mulder groaned,
obviously thinking she was making a run for third base when in actuality all
she was doing was trying to figure how what the hell was digging into her
leg. Scully felt around until she found the offending item, then pulled it
out. Mulder groaned again. She pulled away from Mulder's kisses long
enough to look at the small bottle in her hand. It was a Tylenol bottle.
While Mulder rained kisses across her neck, she popped open the lid with
one hand and peered inside. She wanted to know how many were left.
This was just much too nice to be a one-time thing, and it would be
unfortunate if the three Viagra Mulder had taken were the only three he
had.
Suddenly, she gasped and wrenched herself away from Mulder's groping
hands. "What Scully? What?" Mulder sounded desperate.
"Mulder, are these the pills Frohike gave you?" she demanded in a voice
very much not the one of a woman on the verge of sexual surrender.
"Um, yeah. I told you Scully." Mulder reached for her again, but she
stepped back.
"Mulder, these aren't Viagra. Are you sure these are the pills you took?"
"Scully, don't be ridiculous. Of course they're Viagra. Look!" He
motioned down at the erection poking through his shorts.
"Viagra pills are a lot bigger, Mulder. These definitely aren't Viagra."
"Then what the hell are they, Scully?" Mulder looked like he was ready to
kill her, the materialization of his greatest fantasy suddenly disintegrating
before his eyes.
Scully tilted the bottle so the pills fell into her hand, then moved over
toward the lamp to examine them closely. She squinted her eyes while
holding a pill up to the light. Mulder bounced on his feet impatiently.
"What are they, Scully, huh?"
"Aspirin," she pronounced with medical authority. "Generic aspirin."
"Oh," said Mulder. His heart fell, his cock fell, Scully's hopes fell. It was
just a general downer all the way around. "Well, that explains why my
headache went away," he said thoughtfully.
Scully nodded in sympathy. Mulder stared at the aspirin in her hand. "So,
how come . . .?" he looked down at his erection which was now not quite
so erect.
"Must've been psychological, Mulder. You thought you took Viagra; your
body reacted as if it had. It's the placebo effect."
Mulder looked disappointed. "That was all in my mind?"
"Guess so," said Scully, picking up her blouse from the floor and sliding
her arms through it. It seemed apparent that her doctoring was finished for
the evening.
"So we're done?" Mulder asked with a pathetic puppy dog look.
Scully glanced down at the medical evidence, now deflating faster than a
bicycle tire impaled on a nail. "Looks like it."
Mulder watched mournfully as his body betrayed him. "I can get it back,
Scully. I swear. Just give me a minute."
"Mulder, ten minutes ago you wanted to get rid of it. Now, it's gone. I
think you've been through enough ups and downs tonight. Go home and
get some rest."
"Another time, then?" he asked hopefully, a bit of bashfulness creeping in
behind his leer. Scully smiled.
"Another time, Mulder."
Mulder grumbled to himself as he headed toward the door, something
about women and Little Mulder and never having the right timing.
"Uh, Mulder?" Scully said as she opened the door to let him out, "next time
you see Frohike, will you do me a favor?"
"Sure, Scully, what?"
"Kick his ass and tell him it's from me."
Mulder laughed. "Believe me, Scully, he's a dead man."
Scully closed the door behind Mulder. Sighing to herself, she grabbed an
erotic novel off of the bookshelf and retired to the bedroom. She had her
own raging problem to take care of.
END
____________
Just lay it on me.
sbarringer@usa.net
All my fanfic available at my webpage:
http://www.oocities.com/Area51/Dreamworld/2442
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geocities.com/area51/dreamworld) (
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