TITLE: Twice
AUTHOR: Susanne Barringer
EMAIL: sbarringer@usa.net
ARCHIVE: Anywhere okay with these headers attached.
CATEGORY: barely long enough to even be a V
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Vague references to Sixth Extinction and Memento
Mori
SUMMARY: Missing scene from Sixth Extinction. A little bit of
Scully's journal, written during the long trip from the Ivory Coast
back home to Mulder.
DISCLAIMER: Characters borrowed from Fox, 1013, Chris
Carter. No infringement intended.
Thanks to Sue for betaing and answering the question “Is it too
short?” a million times -- a true mark of friendship (or insanity?).
:)
_______
Twice
By Susanne Barringer
Twice now, I have shared myself with you--once when I was dying,
now again that you are. Twice I have told you what is in my heart,
each word on the page a single beat of my being, a single pulse of
life soaring its way to you.
Words spill easier than tears, releasing fear and panic into neatly
patterned strokes of a pen. I cannot afford the luxury of tears, but
these words strengthen my resolve. Let them strengthen you.
Twice now, I have shown you who I am.
Once before, you read them, the words that sustained me through
death's rendezvous. You read them as I watched death come for
Penny, knowing that my name was to be the next engraved. I did
not mean for you to realize my heart then, despite my declarations.
This time, however, I carve words for you, praying that you will get
the chance to read them. This time, I will not think of concealing
them.
Last time, I tossed the words aside, believing they were only for my
dying self, not my living one. Resurrection of hope made the words
seem inadequate, out of place--like tears of life in dead rooms,
smiles within the grave.
This time, the words comfort me, a reminder of what I must do and
why, a lifeline of reality in a world that suddenly declares no
substance.
You and I have loved for quiet eons wrapped up in six short years.
We love beyond the words, as if articulating thoughts brings them
too close to mortality, to possible extinction. Silent words can
never be destroyed, their existence never proven. But lack of proof
brings doubt.
Here are your words, Mulder. Yours, coming from me. Do not
doubt.
Words arrive and depart in waves, only some seized here. The rest
linger in my mind, perhaps forever unspoken but infinitely realized.
I reach for them when needed, when my heart cries out for stability,
to be grounded in the only thing left I know to be true. Will I ever
have the courage to capture them all for you to see and know?
Hold on to read the words I have intended for you, the thoughts
that have been invented and reinvented in dark ink on white paper.
These words are your answer--not to the questions that have
consumed our partnership, but to the unasked question that has
enveloped our lives. One question, for us alone. Here is my
answer, pressed between cheap cardboard covers.
Twice now, I have answered you.
END
____________
Short and sweet and hopefully not quite as overblown as the
monologues that CC writes. :) Feedback to: sbarringer@usa.net
All my fic available at
http://www.oocities.com/Area51/Dreamworld/2442
(
geocities.com/area51/dreamworld) (
geocities.com/area51)