A lot of folks complain about the world being too violent a place.  To support their claims, they blame Hollywood and music and video games and whatever else might have some sort of desensitizing effect toward violence on the nation's youth.

Well, I'm not here to argue that this is a falsehood, but I am here to say that I love any computer game that is full of gratuitous, mindless gore. Wolfenstein 3D was the first, followed by Doom and Doom II, then Duke Nukem, Quake, Redneck Rampage, and now the aptly named Postal. In Postal, there actually is a plot to all the carnage-- you are a guy who has simply gone "postal", and the idea is to kill everyone before they kill you. It's a blast!

All these games are sure to hold my interest for a while, but in the end they're lacking true purpose. I need games with a purpose.  Tonight, I propose three sure-fire hit games. ...If only a programmer would take the time to create them...

Brady Bill Kill: Can't fight one of the most impractical and unconstitutional bills of our lifetime through your Congressman?  Well, this game is for you. Gather your stash of pre-ban "assault" rifles and assault evil Democrats and leftist Republicans.  Due to obvious problems with the Secret Service, our beloved Prez would be excluded from being in this game, but on the next to last level you would get to take on the gun-toting, wheelchair cowboy Jim Brady as he utters incoherent obscenities.  Then, on the last and most difficult level, the object is to end the reign of Queen Sarah Brady with all the firepower you can muster while she spits instantly deadly venom at you (forked tongue and all).

Revenge of the Road Rager: Surely, each and every one of you has felt the urge to run an incompetent driver off the road if you could (1) get away with it, (2) not have any related car damage, and (3) suspend any sense of goodness and morality. In this game, you would be equipped with only a .44 magnum (better to shoot through car doors with), your car, and your fists as you shoot, pummel, or ram old ladies driving big Lincolns the speed limit in the left hand lane, the jerk who doesn't use his turn signal, the jerk who dares drive faster than you, and the always-loathed tailgater. Best of all, you even get the chance to get back at the person who stops approximately ten feet behind the car in front of him in the left hand turn lane, which keeps the car immediately in front of you from being able to get completely into the turning lane, and thereby leaves you completely stopped in what is supposed to be the fastest lane on the road! If only a concealed handgun license carried with it such privileges!

Rio Grande Rojo: Tired of failed government attempts to control immigration, you take the law into your own hands, using deadly force to keep illegal border crossers and dope smugglers on the other side of the Rio Grande. Consuming mas cervezas and burritos keeps your energy high and your aim accurate as you eliminate the border stragglers one by one with your M16 and a number of homemade maiming devices.

All this has got me all wound up. There's a gun show this weekend.  I might have to stop by.