(A sports column of sorts)
The Dust up of the Dapper Destroyers
Dumb greed is the backbone of all sports ...
Pro boxing is the most shameless racket of them all
Roaul Duke
These are strange times in which we live. Due to the fact that hunks of metal are orbiting the earth relaying telephone calls and TV pictures back to our planet a small part of this Island will become a prime focus of sporting attention on March the 18th. Mill Street in Cork (formally (in)famous for hosting the annual Irish/Eurovision song contest - let's face it that's not very famous ) will host the hyped bout of Stephen Collins and Chris Eubank. The ways of big money and television are strange but when combined they turn into a complete mystery. Another way to put it is due to hunks of metal in the Sky, SKY TV and the men in suits known as promoters Mill Street has been given the opportunity to host something other than another Eurovision (Yawn! Yawn!) song contest victory.
Since the days of Muhamad Ali (the legend who actually fought in Dublin) boxing fans have been used to the pomp and pantomime which has become part of the sport. There may be no business like show business, but there ain't no show business like the pro boxing.
The Pantomime Conference
The first news of this fight came to me when watching the RTE sports news one quiet winters evening and witnessing one of the most surreal pre-fight press conferences ever. Chirs Eubank turned up looking like he'd just wandered in after a spot of Grouse shooting in his usual English dandy look. This came as little surprise from a man who in a relatively short space of time has developed an increasing reputation as a pompous git. So then I sat waiting anxiously for the first sight of Steve Colleens who has had a low key career for a man who is after all Irelands only current boxing World champion. My hopes were that Steve would display his strong proletarian background by showing up late for the press conference in a track suit. He did show up late, however he wasn't wearing the suit I'd hoped for. Instead of trying to contrast with the dandy Eubank, Colleens stunned me by actually looking like an Irish version of pomposity and appearing in a tweed cap, tweed sports jacket and what looked like jodhpurs. As if this wasn't enough to make me cringe he had what suspiciously looked like a black thorn stick in his hand. All I expected next was for Barry Fitzgerald to appear ala the Quiet man and say No Spitting or gouging and the Marquis of Queensbury rules will be obeyed at all times. Was this some sort of joke ?
I settled back red faced into my seat to enjoy the usual slagging off which goes on at these events. The pre-fight press conferences usually are the equivalent to the your mama ... jaunts we grew up with in the school grounds as the prelude to trying to burst the heads of each other. But before the temperature dropped on my red face I heard Colleens stumble through the coupla focail as gailge which would have brought swift revenge from any Christian Brother who thought the native tongue. From what I could gather Stephen was glad to be fighting on the old sod. Chris Eubank looked on with a puzzled expression as he couldn't figure out if he or his mother had been insulted. This press conference had turned into living testimony that boxers outside the ring seldom make good actors.
Finally the accusations did fly, Colleens blamed Eubank for not doing enough for his own people i.e. the black people of England. A strange pre-match slag but I suppose one has to be careful in this 'politically correct' decade we find ourselves in. Even stranger when you cast your mind back to find out what Stephen Colleens has done for the little people on this green isle. Apart from bringing some business to Mill Street and shaving shamrocks into his ginger hair nothing else jabs to mind.
At the end of the press conference our intrepid reporter from Radio Telefis Eirenn dared to ask the dapper Eubank for a message for the Irish people. He said that he did not wish for our support (Fat chance I thought to myself) as he would fight better if we all booed him. The odds on this pompous English man being cheered in Cork were as long as those of Israel winning the next Eurovision. Our man in the ring would be Stephen Collins no matter how much he'd managed to almost out-Eubank Eubank. Stephen strikes me (no pun intended) as a quiet sort of lad who would gladly just get on with the business of knocking seven different kinds of shite out of his opponent rather than have to deal with the dung beetles of the press. The date was set, the day after La Naiomh Padraigh when we'd all be able to sit in front of the local Satellite TV set (usually down your local pub as no one but publicans seem able to afford them ) and go back to out primitive roots and cheer for one man to beat up another. By Christ, there's nothing like a bit of organised violence spiced up with Nationality to get the blood coursing though the veins.
The History of flailing fists
Like it or not (and the passyfists won't) the Irish have reputations for fighting and drinking usually at the same time and with ourselves. Thankfully this reputation is not reinforced by our football supporters. Usually the fighting is confined to members of our own nationality or even better our own family. As Henry Rollins says Oh! Look there's someone getting the shit beat out of him, must be an Irish guy. Total belligerent. In Australia when I a huge fight breaks out in an Aussie rules football game they say Oh! It's a bit of an Donnybrook in the centre of the park. I grew up a few miles away from a place called Punchestown. Whatever happened there ? Along with this reputation has come a few World Champion boxers from Gentleman Jim Corbett though to Rinty Monaghan and wee Barry Mc Guigan.
Sharmrock stubbled shellagh schwinging schampion
And so it came to pass that the night for the fight I found myself in a house with sky news but no sky sports. So in the midst of a this rich boys party in a tastefully decorated kitchen cum living room a great cheer greeted the news that our man had out boxed the pompous git from England. So we drank and saw a few short highlights of the fight.
Stevie Collins has become World Cahmpion and most of us wil never see how thanks to satellite Tv and especially SKY Sports. Watch the skies keep looking !
Update :
Since the time of writing Steve Collins defeated Cris Eubank again and Eubank then retired, a sad man. The Celtic warrior, on the weekend which saw Divroce voted for in the republic, beat another opponent and remains the world cahmpion. There is now talk of a fight between him and Nigel Benn the boxer from North London.
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