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Abandon
(Reviewed October 14, 2002)
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Katie Holmes of TV's "Dawson's Creek" is a finance-major MBA candidate (anybody not laughing?) whose boyfriend is missing-without-a-trace. Benjamin Bratt is an alcoholic but tranquilly studly detective who, like any man, can't resist Katie's kaptivating kuteness. Mix. Simmer on very low heat. Serves the easily diverted.
Fans of Ms. Holmes' brief topless scene in "The Gift" will be quite disappointed to hear that she doesn't whip 'em out this time around (although the movie does include a brief and hilariously gratuitous shot of her in bra and panties as she gets dressed in her dorm room). Now that I've taken away any reason whatsoever for any male to buy a ticket, the rest of this review is for any wimmens who might be reading.
This movie is just plain bad on every level, with dopey stock characters; a boring and unwarranted "serious" veneer; and an ending that is easy to see comin' pretty early on. Zooey Deschanel once again assays her deadpan flakey-friend role, some black-plastic-rims-wearing wiseass is the sitcommy putdown artist, and the missing boyfriend is the wholly unbelievable "charming asshole" movie stereotype of the kind of guy who can seduce a skittish virgin by tossing her Dayrunner out of an upper-story window. Also, this movie's portrayal of college life is nearly as ridiculous as that seen in "The Rules of Attraction." (Then again, maybe I just didn't get invited to those igloo-motif parties where people wear white fur hats and down shots of vodka while playing chess.)
The most shocking thing about "Abandon" is that it was written and directed by the screenwriter of "Traffic." What a waste of "afterglow goodwill."
Back Row Grade: F
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