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"American Pie 2"
(Reviewed July 28, 2001)
-
I may not be the smartest guy in the world. I thought that buying a car with no air conditioning in Los Angeles was a perfectly reasonable idea. I purchased a 50-year-old house that any sane human being would have turned away from with a shudder. And I missed the whole 1990s stock bubble by never investing a single penny in the market. (Wait a minute, that may have been a smart thing after all.)
But I'm definitely too smart to enjoy a piece of submoronic garbage such as this stupid, pandering, time-wasting tripe.
Here is how to determine if you lack a sufficient number of brain cells to have a good time at this excruciatingly awful movie: Do you think that lamebrained TV sitcoms such as "That '70s Show" are witty? Do you wish that supposed-to-be-funny porn movies were missing all of their sex parts, so you could savor more of the bad acting and worse direction in them? Do you giggle uncontrollably when you do a number one? Are you just plain retarded?
I swear to God, I did not laugh once during this movie. Even what are supposed to be its huge big-yucks set pieces are obvious, contrived and tiresome. Hearing some of the open-mouthed dullards at a recent screening laughing out loud at this movie was enough to make one worry about the future of humanity. Many people apparently have become conditioned by bad television writing to guffaw at anything that apes even the vaguest semblance of a joke.
There's one thing that makes attending this sort of movie even worse than merely watching it flop onscreen. That's when the easily stimulated chucklehead sitting next to you keeps turning his head and looking at your face during the movie, as if expecting you to be braying along with him at stuff that Just Ain't Funny.
Give me strength!
Back Row Grade: F-
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