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- Duets
(Reviewed September 14, 2000, by James Dawson)
- "Duets" has a great trailer that shows the irresistibly appealing Gwyneth Paltrow singing Smokey Robinson's "Cruising" with Huey Lewis--and singing it so sweetly that I want to
grab the tune off of
Napster ASAP. We all have our weaknesses, and for several years one of mine has been golden-girl Gwyneth. She has the most genuinely sunny smile in Hollywood, a leggy and lithely luscious body,
and,
lest I forget, actual acting talent.
Okay, maybe I didn't go see "Shakespeare in Love" (because I didn't get free screening passes, and couldn't get up any enthusiasm for laying out actual cashola for an ostensibly witty movie
about
the bard). And maybe I never saw "Hard Eight" (because director Paul Thomas Anderson's criminally overrated "Boogie Nights" set me dead against ever seeing another film by that talent-free "genius").
And I
never saw "Flesh and Bone" (because it disappeared from theatres so quickly, and I am the only person in the Western Hemisphere who literally never, ever rents movies).
Also, I managed to miss "Hush" and "The Pallbearer" (again, no screening passes--what am I, made of money?), something called "Moonlight and Valentino" (which apparently came and went
without registering on my radar, but whose title I found at IMDB.com whilst researching Gwyneth's oeuvre), "Jefferson in Paris" and "Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle" (did anyone with even a
milligram
of testosterone in his body see either of those?), "Malice" (damn, I wish I had seen that one, because the book is primo trash deluxe; maybe I'll catch it at a Jeremy Irons retrospective), "Shout" (another
stealth
release, apparently) or "Hook" (because I have a hard and fast rule against never, ever attending Robin Williams movies; life is too short, people).
So, what does that leave? In reverse chronological order, "The Talented Mr. Ripley," "A Perfect Murder," "Sliding Doors," "Great Expectations," "Emma" and "Seven." And where does "Duets"
rank on that list? Right above the absolutely awful "Great Expectations," it is my sad duty to report. (Ethan Hawke's presence in "Great Expectations" makes it a shoe-in for last place. Yikes, what a bomb.)
In a nutshell, "Duets" should have been edited down to a three-minute video of the "Cruising" karaoke performance. But here is a slightly longer list of what is wrong with the movie:
NOT ENOUGH GWYNETH. The trailer leads one to believe that she is the star. And she should have been. But The Divine Miss P is onscreen for under 20 minutes (at a guess). Oh, the humanity! "Duets"
is
one of those "rotating character ensemble pieces," following the would-be wacky exploits of three different pairs of characters (Gwyneth and Huey; a cabbie and a slut; a salesman and a hitchhiker).
Inexplicably, Gwyneth's segment is the smallest of the three.
TOO MUCH PAUL GIAMATTI. As the sad-sack salesman whose life is transformed by karaoke into what is supposed to be a madcap whirl of Hunter Thompson-esque debauchery, Giamatti is
as
painfully over-the-top as Jon Lovitz in one of those annoying "Saturday Night Live" sketches that would go on and on and on until you would shout "Enough, already" and throw a boot at your TV's
"off" switch.
TERRIBLE DIRECTION. Gwyneth's dad Bruce Paltrow did a flat-out awful job. It's a weird thing; I could tell that some of the dialog actually was kind of clever. And that if I had been reading
"Duets" as a novel, some of the scenes that fell flat might have worked on the page. But man, do they ever not work on the screen. Although "Duets" is supposed to be a comedy, I literally did not laugh a
single time. Pater Paltrow even gets the basics wrong. The movie drags for extended stretches that should have had screwball-comedy timing. We never see Gwyneth and Huey reach the kind of
"connection" that would make their (one and only) singing duet possible. (Was this scene ever shot? Did it get mistakenly deleted?) The "singing slut" character is so thoroughly unappealing that I did not
believe the cabbie would give her a free ride to the next block, much less the next state. Also, Bruce Paltrow lets Giamatti not only chew the scenery, but swallow it whole and regurgitate it.
So, what is there to like about "Duets?" Hey, a little Gwyneth is better than no Gwyneth at all. She looks great, she sings great, she is great. And Andre Braugher as the hitchhiker is great, too.
See, nothing completely sucks. Well, except Robin Williams movies.
Back Row Grade: C (which I know is being too kind, but Gwyneth Paltrow really floats my boat)
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