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- "Red Planet"
(Reviewed November 7, 2000)
- Stupid. Make that *really* stupid. Not even the numerous and wholly gratuitous cheesecake shots of braless, hatchet-faced, stiff-nippled Carrie-Anne Moss (the ice-queen-in-black
from "The Matrix") can redeem this dud. There is absolutely no nudity, with the exception of a brief dorsal shower shot, but Carrie-Anne seems to spend a whole lot of time in thin cotton tops with spaghetti
straps. Also. she seems to have gone up two cup sizes since "Matrix."
Here we have a movie in which a mechanical dog with military capabilities is brought along on a mission to a planet that scientists are certain is lifeless. Huh??? Something goes hinky in his computer
(think "bow-wow HAL"), and he starts killin'. Yawn. Even worse, while engaged in such killin', he stands on his back legs and (I am not making this up) goes through "kung-fu fighting" poses before
striking.
There are lots of other stupidities, but you get the idea. As bad as "Red Planet" is, though, it still is better than this year's earlier, and very similar, "Mission to Mars." But that's only because
"Mission to Mars" ranks as one of the worst movies of the decade, not merely a complete waste of time. (Maybe Hollywood should give Mars a rest.)
Avoid, avoid, avoid.
Back Row Grade: F
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