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"Spider-Man"
(Reviewed April 14, 2002)
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I never thought that the thing I would like most about this movie would be the guy who plays J. Jonah Jameson, who is dead-on perfect as the publisher of the Daily Bugle newspaper. Unfortunately for most audiences, his character--like too many other things about the film version of "Spider-Man"--will seem uncomfortably reminiscent of elements from the other big two superhero flicks: the first Superman and Batman movies.
Like "Superman," "Spider-Man" includes a scene in which Our Hero runs down a street toward the camera tearing open his shirt to reveal his costume underneath; and saving his girlfriend from a perilous skyscraper fall (just as Supes saved Lois Lane in a helicopter plunge); and being frustrated by the fact that said girlfriend has the hots for his heroic alter-ego instead of for him (a change from the comic). And, as I mentioned, working for a frothingly amusing newspaperman.
Like "Batman," "Spider-Man" has a bombastic score by the excruciatingly awful Danny Elfman; a villain (the Green Goblin) who channels Jack Nicholson's Joker so closely that in one scene he even does an eerie impersonation of Nicholson's facial tics; and an origin based on a taste for vengeance inspired by the crime-related loss of a relative.
What differentiates it from those movies is that Spider-Man's real identity is an insecure teenager named Peter Parker. He longs for next-door neighbor Mary Jane Watson, who inexplicably becomes his life-long fantasy object here instead of a girl he meets during his first year of college (as in the comic-book version). She is the daughter of a loudly abusive father (another departure from her comic-book counterpart), and wants to be an actress (instead of a model). Comics fans will notice that the comic-book Peter Parker's first love Gwen Stacy is nowhere to be found in the movie, although much of her history has been grafted onto the movie's version of Mary Jane.
Although she looks nothing like the comics version of Mary Jane (except for the red hair), Kirsten Dunst is goofy and sexy and genuinely likeable in the role. She also gets a chance to show off her heroically proportioned breasts, with nipples a-poppin', in a delightfully gratuitous rainstorm scene that leaves her with a wet and very clingy top. (Unfortunately, however, she never utters the classic comic-book line, "Face it tiger, you just hit the jackpot." For shame!)
Willem Dafoe is better as Norman Osborne, father of Peter's roommate Harry, than as his evil alter-ego the Green Goblin. The problem with the Goblin is that somebody thought it would be a good idea to stick him in a costume that makes him look like a bad action figure with a full-face mask that shows nothing but his eyes.
Now, it's bad enough when your main character wears a full-face mask that shows none of his expressions, but at least that much is consistent with the comic-book costume. Changing the Goblin's get-up so that he looks like a bad Ultraman villain, though, was a huge mistake. During dialog scenes between the two characters, as the point of view switches from one emotionless mask to another and back again, the effect becomes unintentionally comedic.
There are many other changes throughout the film that also smack of "pissing in the oasis." (Translation: If the Spider-Man property has endured for 40 years and is good enough to rate a movie adaptation, why change what doesn't need fixing?) Some that appear to be minor tweaks actually change Spider-Man's basic character. Example: In the comics, before he decides to become a crimefighter, Spider-Man does not bother to help subdue a fleeing criminal because he is self-absorbed enough to think that doing so is not his responsibility. In the movie, Spider-Man sees that the person the thief just ripped off was a promoter who just screwed Spider-Man out of money, giving Spider-Man an incentive to let the thief go. Not a big change, but an annoying one.
A far worse change is the decision to make Spider-Man's webshooters organic, with the stuff coming directly out of his arms instead of from mechanical devices. This makes the character kind of creepy, taking us out of being able to see him as a regular teen who just happens to be able to crawl up walls and beat up bad guys.
Most of the people who see the movie, though, will neither know nor care about such nit-picking fanboy concerns. For them, the main problem with "Spider-Man" will be these: (a) too fast, too fakey special effects of Spider-Man swinging between skyscrapers to get across town; (b) literally laughable scenes of split-personality Norman Osborne arguing with himself in a mirror; and (c) a real downer ending.
So, what's good about the movie? Tobey Maguire's portrayal of Peter Parker discovering his abilities and awkwardly making his first few web-swings through the city is okay. Kirsten Dunst is cute. And the guy that plays JJJ nails the character perfectly. Aside from that...well...let's just say that after seeing the movie I have no desire to see it again. I expected more heart and better effects.
By the way, if you stay through the credits until the end, you will get to hear the theme from the old Saturday morning cartoon version of "Spider-Man." Those were the days...
Back Row Grade: C
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